Clemson - Issue 1 - 8/21/2014 by The Black Sheep

Volume 5

The Black Sheep

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Issue 1

Clemson Now Nationally Ranked in “Outdoorsiness” Austin Cope Wrote This The Poughkeepsie Journal, one of America’s longest-running and most highly-regarded local newspapers, recently listed Clemson among their top-25 college campuses for outdoorsiness. This marks the school’s first year appearing on the 80-year-old University Outdoorsiness Index. Clemson, proud of this new ranking, plans to initiate a thorough marketing campaign in Dutchess County, New York, where the daily is still read by retired geriatrics. Clemson made it onto the list at number 14, the Journal saying, “Clemson, with its many opportunities to be outdoors, has a certain ‘outdoorsy’ quality that makes it very attractive to students who wish to be outdoors.” The article went on to state that what separates Clemson from the colleges that miss the list is “They can be inside, but they can also be outside.” The article graded each campus on many criteria such as Fresh Air Levels, Strength of the Cool Summer Breezes, and the Long-Walk-to–Sweatiness–Ratio. Clemson scored a 7, 8 or 9 on all of these rankings. But it was the specific activity categories that sealed Clemson’s ranking. While the article did mention the occasional pet feces minefield, Bowman Field managed to score high marks in the Frisbee Playing Conditions category for its “beautiful weather with minimal interfering winds.” Bowman was also mentioned highly in the Football, Soccer, and Shirtless-Volleyballfor-No-Other-Reason-Than-to-Show-OffYour-Rockin’ Bod categories, the article praising both students’ ability to play the sports and their rockin’ bods.

Clemson also snagged the top title for its impressive disc golf conditions. The author noted that, “although it is a makeshift course, with goals like hitting lampposts and ‘do not enter’ signs, the fact that such a course is so popular and easy to learn shows how much these students love disc golf.” Allegedly, the author had a lot of trouble with Hole 9, the dumpster near Vickery Hall where one has to throw between two buildings and then dogleg right up the service road. It’s a par 5 and he reportedly needed 9 just to hit the dumpster.

Bowman Field managed to score high marks in the Frisbee Playing Conditions category for its “beautiful weather with minimal interfering winds.” Horseshoes, scoring an 8, Kick the Can, a 7, and Double-Dutch a strong 9, are just a few of the other categories in which Clemson scored well. The ranking blurb explained that Clemson had great grass for horseshoes—the writer was especially happy with the college’s choice to stick with natural grass, which is harder to maintain but provides better bounce, as well as the great long sidewalks like those alongside Bowman Field and Library Bridge, perfect for kicking cans across. The writer even commented on catching by chance, “Some of the greatest double-dutch I’ve ever seen beneath the Library Bridge.”

on and then off of again, the campus was too hilly as a whole, making the terrain less dynamic for true parkour—5.”

Clemson, sadly, scored average on Parkour, the article stating that “while Clemson had lots of great buildings near each other at varying heights with good fixtures to jump

Sadly, another area in which Clemson suffered was the Hopscotch Terrain category, which was described in the article as “clearly lacking.” The writer went on to

PAGE 5 CLEMSON STUDENT DREADS RETURN OF ‘BEST FRIEND’ AND ROOMMATE START YOUR YEAR OFF RIGHT WITH OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION.

claim that, “there really wasn’t much in the way of hopscotch being played on campus, which must be due to the poor hopping conditions.” The article suggests widening the sidewalks in certain areas and leaving chalk for the players to use. Clemson’s only response to the negative

feedback in the article was a promise to continue to work towards making it into the top ten, adding that, “every ranking is equally important to us.” The Clemson representative, Arthur Shouldbehigher, then proceeded to list all the rankings the college had received, promptly putting this writer to sleep.

PAGE 7

PAGES 10-11

TOP 10 WAYS TO MULTITASK LIKE A PRO

WHAT SIX COLLEGE MOVIES GET RIGHT (AND OH-SO WRONG)

BECOME THE TIGER WOODS OF WAITING FOR THE BUS.

VAN WILDER, EAT YOUR HEART OUT.

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JUST A FEW MORE WAYS

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WORD

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CREEPTOMANIA An addiction in which the afflicted cannot help but creep on new acquaintances’ Facebook pictures. The moment Darren accepted Mariah’s friend request he spent the next 20 minutes looking at pictures of her in bikini.

The above phrase is either a gross sex euphemism or a serial killers nickname. Which is it? Let us know by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize! Check back next week for this week’s answer!

GUESS THE REALITY TV STAR! Whatever your dirty pleasure may be, don’t deny you watch reality TV. Above is an outline of a reality TV star, and below are three clues as to who the person is. Let us know who you think it is by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

Born in Chicago in 1971.

Is a spokesman for Rogaine.

Currently hosts Kitchen Casino.

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Easygoing Questions to Break the Ice with Your Roommate Getting assigned a random roommate can be unnerving, but actually meeting your roommate for the first time can be outright nerve-wracking. The first step to any healthy, newly-founded 4-year-friendship, however, is simple conversation. While the ice breaker games you played with your roommates will only get you so far, here are some common introductory questions to spark some truly engaging conversations between you and your new roommate. These questions are sure to warm things up for freshmen (and sophomores who looked for apartments too late) across all of campus. Serve up your favorite nonalcoholic drink and kick things off with some of these conversation starters: What’s your blood type? Finding out the specifics of what your roommate has coursing through his or her veins is a great way to both get to know them as a person as well as gain preemptive knowledge should anything go awry during your first year on campus. A roomie sporting O- or O+ blood is likely to be more generous around the dorm, especially when it comes to donating blood on the off chance that you need a transfusion after a botched kidney abduction. AB however? Don’t expect them to be doing anyone any favors unless it helps them out, too. What division of the occult do you most identify

with? Going straight into religion can make people uncomfortable, so rather than rub your roommate the wrong way, start with beliefs that are a little less controversial. For instance, you might find out that you aren’t the only paganistic witchcraft enthusiast on campus after all! Figuring out which tomes of black magic your roomie is into is a great way to check out and recommend other books that interest them without having to mention touchy subjects like the Bible. If your roommate dabbles with theistic Aztec beliefs or Satanism, we hope you’re not a neat freak – your residence hall is sure to fine you for that sacrificial blood stain in the carpet! Which Lovecraftian Creature is your spirit animal? We all know the common copout answers for the sprit animal question. Chances are that your roomie really isn’t that into metaphysically assuming the form of seals or Bengal tigers as he or she is letting on. Once you’ve discovered which deity of Cthulu mythos they most often morph into in their dreams, you know you’ve made a very special connection. Like the yin to your yang, your roommate might very well be the Azathoth to your Shub-Niggurath… minus the thousands of fledging tentacles and screams from the netherworld, of course! Who are your favorite Tibetan throat-singing artists? Too often do we hear the response, “Oh,

Tex Mex Wrote This you know… a little bit of everything,” when asking someone what music they listen to. Dig a little deeper! Get to the root of your roomie’s favorite musical artists by asking them about their own collection of field recording cassettes and Tibetan throat-singing vinyls. Any regular schmuck can tell you about their affinity for heavy noise and drone instrumentals. A true friend will be happy to engage in a listening session to Pierre Schaeffer’s ambient Cinq études de bruits while a hi-fi cassette of Gulug Monk throat-singing is playing at the same time. If your roomie stops at the word “avant garde,” crank the abrasiveness to 11 and revel in their tastelessness. If you could have dinner with a famous person, living or dead, whose face would you wear and why? This question always tends to throw people for a loop since they’re never sure which famous person to take to dinner. Your roommate will probably try to answer the second half of the question first in hopes that you forgot about the first, but don’t let them off so easy! If for whatever reason your roomie

is still stumped, go ahead and give them the option of living or dead. You want to learn a lot about who you’re living with, but you don’t want to make them too uncomfortable. Are you a dog or a cat person? Now that you’ve got the basics out of the way, you might be ready to ask your roommate something that hits a little more close to home. However, be incredibly cautious with the wording when asking this question. Be sure to stick strictly with either “dog” or “cat,” and absolutely do not give consideration to any tropical or exotic animals. If you don’t feel comfortable enough with your roomie after the preliminary set of questions, save this question might be better suited as a comment in passing or one after a few drinks. Whatever you do, just don’t be weird about it.

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Clemson Student Dreads Return

of ‘Best Friend’ and Roommate Dan Collins Wrote This

Aden Belamy and Gabe Carter, now Clemson sophomores, met by chance at freshman orientation. From that moment on, they were practically inseparable. So, when it came time to secure roommates for the following year, there was hardly anything to think about. After finding a two-person apartment in Daniel Square, the excitement only continued to build until freshman year ended. By the time they went their separate ways for the summer, all eyes were fixated on a glorious reunion in only three short months. Belamy decided to stay in Clemson for the summer under the ruse of becoming accustomed to living on his own for the first time. In reality, he simply wanted to avoid seeing his high school sweetheart, whom he had drunkenly broken up with via text his very first night of college. Carter, however, opted to return home. Belamy, despite initial days of loneliness and boredom, eventually adjusted to solitary life and even began to enjoy the time alone with his thoughts. It was during one of these meditations that Dean Maybel, also a rising sophomore, entered Belamy’s life. Within mere moments it was clear that Belamy and Maybel would be great friends. They had all the same interests, including a somewhat disturbing obsession with Chad Morris. In fact, by the end of the summer, they had started, in essence, living together. They became so close that people even referred to them as if they were a single entity. Over time, Belamy began to look upon his commitment to living with Carter as more of an obligation than an opportunity. “It just sucks that I didn’t meet Dean until summer,” said Belamy. “Whenever I hang out with Gabe, we always spend forever arguing over what we should do. He always wanted to do anything where

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there would be girls around, but I was content to just snuggle up and watch a movie or hang out with the boys. With Dean, it’s the exact opposite. We’re always on the same page and always agree on everything. Plus, Dean is such a good listener. It’s like our two brains are intertwined, like we were meant to be together… but not in a gay way.” After the long summer, it finally came time for Carter to move into his new home. He entered, interrupting a discussion between Belamy and Maybel about how best to get rid of him. Unaware, Carter entered with frantic excitement to see his friend. “He came in all excited, as if everything was fine,” said Belamy. “Then, he of course asked me who I was talking to, to which I replied it was none of his business.” At this point, Belamy proceeded to tell Carter that, despite the lease they had agreed upon, he had decided he didn’t want to live with Carter anymore. “Then he just gave me this confused look like he had no idea what was going on,” said Belamy. “So I said, ‘look, we both knew this was coming. We’ve been growing apart for a long time now, and Maybel and I both think it just makes more sense to end this relationship now.’ “ Carter, dumbfounded, claimed, “I absolutely did not see this coming. I haven’t seen you in three months, and I was really looking forward to rooming with you this year.” “Classic Gabe,” said Belamy. “I told you we were never on the same page.” When asked about his feelings on being kicked out of the apartment, Carter responded, “Well, it kind of sucks that I don’t have anywhere to live now, but I didn’t want to live with him if he didn’t want me there. Plus, I’m pretty sure he was talking to himself when I walked in.”

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THE TOP TEN Ways to Multitask Like the Pros Let’s face it: college is scary. It’s like the walk up to a bungee jump, you wonder what the hell you were thinking when you paid all that money for this. Add the pressure of Clemson being a top-20 public university, and it’s a stressful nightmare. Really, the only possible way to come out of college with something to show for all the debt you’ve acquired is to practice some extreme multitasking. 10.) Go to late-night Fike Classes: There is no better way to procrastinate than Zumba. You’ll burn so many calories you’ll have to go to Cook-Out with friends! With all those endorphins and all that sugary, milkshaky goodness in your system, it’ll be such a double boost to your happiness and you won’t even feel bad for procrastinating anymore—after all, you just worked on your fitness and your social life, which are definitely just as important as grades. 9.) Onesies: There’s no need for a sauna when you can strut around campus in an awesome onesie in ninety-degree weather. You’ll sweat out all those toxins and, if you choose your costume wisely (like one of those popular pumpkin suits or a baby tiger ensemble) you can count on some high-fives, helping you fill your lonely heart.

6 Signs You Need to Drop Your Class Rig(LhtikNeo,w

8.) The Foreign Exchange Program: It never hurt to have a study buddy who actually knows the language you’ve been banking on semi-learning for your foreign language requirement, and everyone back home will think you’re cool and cultured for having a friend from another country.

Black Sheep Staff Wrote This

It’s the first week back at school and in your hungover Welcome Week daze you’re not exactly sure if you’re feeling your new classes. Sure, it could be the headache, but something tells you there’s one class that really isn’t sitting right with your schedule. Need validation for switching to something different? We’ve got you covered! Here are six sure signs you need to drop that class, pronto. There aren’t any attractive people: Part of the fun of going to class is viewing the eye candy instead of the pointless PowerPoint that you can just download later from D2L, right? However, if everyone looks like they belong in USC’s math department, then it might be best for you to seek other options for that time slot. How else are you going to be motivated to get those notes you missed if everyone sucks at being sexy? There are too many attractive people: There needs to be a balance of the hot and the not-sohot variety of students in your class; options are important! But when the equilibrium is thrown off and you’re in a class full of Harcombe’s workers (how ya doin?), then you won’t get shit done, friend. We predict you scoring very low on all exams, which will lead you to being forced to drop out because your GPA is then destroyed. This will lead you to having to start cooking and selling meth, which will then later lead to your arrest and incarceration. Do you want that? No? Then drop that class A$AP. You’re the most attractive: While this is unlikely, if you end up being the best-looking in your class, then you’ll be the one who is sought after for all notes and study group invites (aka you’ll actually feel obligated to work). This new sense of hotness will also go to your head and lead you to hit on people extraordinarily out of your league. In turn,

this will kill all your confidence and make you resent that class. Then, you’ll never go and you’ll fail the class. Then you’re back to the meth. Just get out while you can; you still have Tinder for that confidence boost, right? Your professor speaks English as a 13th language (and it’s a math class): Math should be filed under a foreign language, we all know this; so why the heck would they have someone who can barely speak English try and teach it? Run, friends; run for the fuckin’ hills.

7.) Bike to Class: You can leave later because you won’t hit any traffic, allowing you to catch up on valuable sleep—plus, you’ll save money because biking is the only sure way to make Clemson Parking Services leaves you alone.

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6.) Netflix: What did you think all that buffering time was for? Obviously, the Netflix gods want college students to be able to study while they binge watch Orange is the New Black. You’ll be book smart and street smart in no time. 5.) Have a Dog: Preferably a puppy. Really, there is no better way to justify spontaneous adventures than your reliable furry sidekick, and with a dog as your wingman, meeting people will be a breeze. 4.) Live in Thornhill: You’ll gain valuable domestic skills, such as de-clogging toilets, strategically lighting candles when the power goes out, and battling giant rats and spiders. Plus, you’ll do all this while getting the authentic number-three-happiest-in-the-nation Clemson experience, because nothing makes Clemson students happier than being on a first-name basis with maintenance. 3.) Give Your Parents a Tour: You don’t have to do anything but let them marvel at the beautiful Clemson scenery. They’ll think you go to class because you know where all the buildings are, which will convince them that their tuition money is well spent. As an added bonus, they’ll be too tired from all the hills to want to come see to your apartment – and let’s face it, there’s no knowing what might be lurking back there.

The syllabus rivals the length and ambiguity of a Panic! At the Disco song title: Due dates will be vague, assignment parameters will be impossible to dissect, and your professor is related to Edgar Allen Poe, so all conversations will be spoken cryptically. Like any good, old Panic! song—in which the song title NEVER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE SONG ITSELF-- every exam you’ll take in this class will be absent of anything the syllabus “prepares” you for. Make like a raven and fly outta there (lol, Poe jokes). It’s 8a.m, and there’s a strict attendance policy: Unless you’re one of those freaky morning people, nobody has time for that shit. 8a.m.’s already suck; why make your life a million times harder and attend one you can never skip? Chances are your professor is actually Satan for enforcing such cruelty, so it might be best to dip out. Well, there you have it. Six solid reasons for why you should drop that class. Now rush to Schedule Builder and GTFO of this lovable bunch of academic losers. There’s plenty of cinch classes out there, and we hear there’s plenty of openings in Horse Behavior and Welfare. Giddyup!

2.) Wait for the CAT Bus: The endless stream of drivers leaving you behind will give you plenty of time to contemplate your life choices, reevaluate them, and decide on the perfect major to help you win at life (seriously, the last change of majors). Plus you’ll work up a sweat, both physically and mentally, trying to end an unwanted conversation with the deranged, aggressively social townie in the seat next to you. 1.) Go Greek: Really, where else could you make this many friends, drink that much free booze, and build your resume? That’s right. Nowhere. Hannah Soblo Wrote This

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ON THE STREETS What’s the most college thing you’ve done since being back on campus?

Elizabeth

“Um…I did the ice bucket challenge.”

Taylor

“We took apart the microwave!”

Jenny

“I tried to fill a compression rod with duck tape to make it taller. It did not work.”

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THURSDAY

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Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers, Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Trivia at 8pm! 1st place gets $25 cash and $25 gift card

Trivia Starting at 8:30pm $2 Well Drinks, $0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud, $2 16oz Busch Light and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers

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THURSDAY

$3.56 Sushi Rolls, Wine Tasting at 9pm, $6 Bottles of Champagne

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.75 Backstreets Burgers or $7.85 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers, Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Trivia at 8pm! 1st place gets $25 cash and $25 gift card

SUNDAY

College Football on 20 HD TVs

$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud, $2 16oz Busch Light and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers

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NFL Action on multiple flat screens! Catch the Bill’s Games here! Go Sammy and CJ!

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SUNDAY

$8 for a dozen wings, 1/2 off appetizers

Clemson’s best place to take a date! Try the “Haystack”, a totally sharable mound of fries or fritos covered in deliciousness! Oyster Fest & Shrimp Jam Every Monday Starting at 5!

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MONDAY

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Karaoke With Fred Rock

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TUESDAY

DJ Dance Night! Yeungs and Wings! $5 Yeungling Pitchers, $6.75 for a Dozen Wings and $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers

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WED.

College Dance Night! Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 specialty burgers and your choice of selected beers

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THURS.

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College movies all follow the same vague thread: An underdog student or group of students face odds impossible to overcome until the third act hits and everything gets figured out and tied up in one nice, happy bow. Still, all these college movies get certain things right and certain things wrong about the college experience. This week, The Black Sheep looks at six of these college flicks to see where they shine, and where theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re shit. By: Brendan

RONG)

COLLEGE MOVIE RIGHT & WRONGS

NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VAN WILDER The Basic Premise: Lothario party boy’s dad stops paying for college, so he has to sell his party skills to pay the party bills.

GOOD WILL HUNTING The Basic Premise: A brilliant janitor at MIT faces a series of difficult life decisions after his brilliance is unearthed.

What it Gets Right: Staying in college forever is both awesome and terrible. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of something you love, like that case of trashy beer you clutch oh-so-tightly on a Friday night. And why not? A relatively carefree lifestyle intermingled with bouts of binge drinking is something that’s easy for most early 20-somethings to process. By year six, though, when that love of of party life has transformed into unwavering ennui and a sense that alcoholism is right around the corner, you gotta get out.

What it Gets Right: You’ll question your previous, postcollege friendships. Sure, you had some great times— you’ll never forget the time Brett threw a pizza on the roof—but edging into your mind is the inevitable, “Am I still similar enough to these people to consider them friends?” Inevitably, some of the people you hung out with when you were a senior in high school will not be the same people you’re texting every day when you’re a senior in college.

What it Gets Wrong: Oh, just every college party trope. A good college party is lucky to have more than a couple of kegs. A college costume party is lucky to have a guy who spent 15 minutes drawing stigmata on his hands, sombrero on hands as Hey-zoos, the Mexican Jesus. A college party with a tiki theme hosted in a gorgeous Malibu mansion has only happened in the wet dreams of hundreds of 15-year-old boys.

What it Gets Wrong: Professors won’t find you interesting, at all. We get it, you got a 29 on your ACT— that’s pretty good! What you don’t get, though, is…so did everyone else you’re sitting next to. Your take on Hemingway’s “Cat in the Rain” is the same take as four other students’. It’s the same as six students’ last year. And the year before. Hey, it was a nice try at being profound, but Professor Jefferson is going to have a TA grade it, she doesn’t have time for this shit.

LEGALLY BLONDE

OLD SCHOOL

The Basic Premise: UCLA grad Elle Woods chases her ex-boyfriend into Harvard Law, hoping to win back his heart.

The Basic Premise: Old guys tired of old-guy life start a new fraternity at a local university.

What it Gets Right: College is one of the last opportunities you’ll have to really follow your dream—fuck the haters. They thought Elle Woods couldn’t succeed in law school, but she got into Harvard and proved them wrong. They didn’t think pink would work, then it did. You—you’re not yet besieged by a crippling mortgage or two snot-nosed twerps, so take these four years to do you. Whether it’s weird facial piercings or the even weirder decision to double major in English and philosophy, make your own decisions, regardless of what others think.

What it Gets Right: Age does beget wisdom, even when it comes to partying. We hope even the most naïve freshman knows that inhaling a fifth of Smirnoff is some bad juju, but a college senior has more than that trick up his sleeve. Whether it’s knowing the last place in town that’ll sell whiskey on Saturday to the best way to clean a beer bong in under 2 minutes, hey, you’ll pick up thing or two long the way.

What it Gets Wrong: Still, no one trusts you with any actual responsibility. Would you, Mr. “I-Got-UpAt-2p.m.-Hey-At Least-It’s-Not-4p.m.”? For some reason Elle, a first-year law student, was allowed to participate in a real-life murder trial. Hah, so not college. Any job you’ll have in college will be menial at best and embarrassing at worst—you’ll have an ill-fitting uniform, just learn to deal with it.

What it Gets Wrong: If you’re partying with 30-somethings, they’re probably undercover cops. You know how when you party with someone notably older than yourself, it feels weird and creepy? Well, when you party with someone notably younger than yourself, it also feels weird and creepy. 30-yearolds are as afraid of you as you are of them—don’t hang out with one another.

REVENGE OF THE NERDS The Basic Premise: There’s a frat full of nerds and a frat full of jocks. Then, they clash. What it Gets Right: Nerds rule the world. So, turns out if you’re moderately bright and really passionate about something to the point you’re willing to commit your life to it, then you can assume a lot of power and make a lot of money doing that very thing. If that thing is outsmarting jocks, you can even make a cult comedy about it. What it Gets Wrong: Just because you’re handsome and athletic doesn’t mean you’re an idiot. Even Mark Zuckerberg, King Nerd, isn’t a totally heinous dweeb. Barack Obama is smarter than most of us and is a serious law nerd, and most women in his age bracket would admit that he’s better-looking than their out-of-shape schlubby-looking husbands. Brains and brawn aren’t mutually exclusive, regardless of what the media would like you to believe.

ACCEPTED The Basic Premise: A mischievous high schooler who fails to get into any of the colleges he’s applied to creates his own university where everyone is…wait for it…Accepted. What it Gets Right: You’ll inevitably make friends in college. Among the tens of thousands of other students on this campus are a select few with whom you share very specific interests. Enjoy butt-chugging vodka on a Tuesday night? You’ll find someone who enjoys the same. Introverted neo-futurist LARP-er? Hey, there’s a group that meets specifically for that twice a month! In college you have to actively try not to make friends; if you put yourself out there someone will turn up just as bizarre as you are. What it Gets Wrong: Just because you’re making friends doesn’t mean you’ll get the hot girl. Sadly, cliques still exist in college, and it’s not as different from high school as you might want to pretend. Look at your peer group—these are the people you’ll date. If it’s full of uggos, get ready to be sleeping with lots of uggos.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN? 1) Junk Food: 7-Eleven recently rolled out a “Loaded” variety of this junk food item.

comedy grossed almost $200 million from the box office?

2) Geography: The much-contested Crimean Peninsula is located on what body of water?

7) Snakes: Eunectes murinus, the heaviest snake in the world, is more commonly known as this.

3) Currency: What two enemy countries both use the rupee as their currency? 4) Math: What is 8 x 7 + 18 – 26 / 4? 5) Summer Music: Queen of the Summer Iggy Azalea hails from this country

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10) Language Language: The Latin “ad hominem” literally translates to this.

Kristen’s Answers

Correct Answers

1) Potato Chips 2) Mediterranean 3) India and Pakistan 4) 65 5) Romania 6) Let’s Be Cops 7) Anaconda 8) Chanel 9) Matthews, Mark, Luke and John 10) It’s like “against person” or something like that.

1) Doritos 2) The Black Sea 3) India and Pakistan 4) 12 5) Australia 6) 22 Jump Street 7) Anaconda 8) Coco Chanel 9) Matthew, Mark, Luke and John 10) “To the man”

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9) Religion: There are four Canonical Gospels in the New Testament, name them.

6) Summer Movies: What 2014 buddy cop

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8) Fashion: What fashion house’s signature symbol is two interlocking C’s?

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THE BACK TO SCHOOL MADLIB The alarm on your phone sounds the same, but the sun is in the wrong side of the sky—you’re used to waking up at __1__p.m., just in time to begin sipping __2__ with the __3__ back home. No more, though, you roll out of bed, throw on whatever doesn’t smell like __4__and head out for the first class of the new semester. It’s __5__, right? No, wait, is it __6__? And where the hell is __7__? You’ve been here __8__ years and you’ve never heard of the place. And then, yeah, of course the line for coffee at __9__ is as long as a __10__. Waiting for your __11__, you see __12__, who you used to bang, but totally didn’t call before you unceremoniously left town last spring. You stealthily duck behind a guy wearing a __13__and you go unseen, you glorious bastard. Finally at __14__, you search frantically for Room 225, which, of course is not on the second floor. Stumbling in, smelly, late and hate-filled, you realize that this isn’t __15__ at all, it’s __16__. You stand stunned. Did, you…uh… sign up for this class? The professor stares at you, __17__. Whether this is your class or not, you __18__take a seat in the front row. Sipping your beverage, you silently admit to yourself it’s going to be a long semester.

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