Clemson - Issue 2 - 1/31/2013

The Black Sheep

FR EE ... l on ike ev the er lef yv eg tov gi er e t ca ra ul y, ev iflo er wer .

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 4, Issue 2 • 1/31/13 - 2/13/13

theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_clem

Valentine’s Day, Welcome to the Terrordome Dustin Bertelsen wrote this

Immediately following the December-through-January holiday season is Valentine’s Day. It’s meant to celebrate relationships, with cute couples exchanging gifts, flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and body fluids. It’s all love-y dovey hand-holding and everyone’s getting laid but you. So yes, some people might have some issues with the holiday.

The majority of those taking issue with February 14th are, of course, single. These people feel left out. They tend to celebrate the more cynical “Singles Awareness Day,” which screams, “I’m single and jealous of almost everyone in a relationship that has a holiday completely dedicated to them,” but like, more mature than that. These people running solo are almost always the ones outwardly complaining about Valentine’s Day, and how shitty it makes those who “opt” for the single life feel. These people have Facebook statuses or Tweets saying “OMG I freaking HATE Valentine’s Day!!!! #riding solo” or “Singles Awareness Day = S.A.D.... #tearsforlube.” Facebook and Twitter house more mentions of Singles Awareness Day or bashing Valentine’s Day than there are actual declarations of love on the interwebs.

Valentine’s Day itself has some inherent issues, even for the taken folk.

While a lot of couples take the day to focus on their relationship, many tend to go overboard with this day. Those who go overboard with public displays of affection are annoying, to say the least. Should they all jump off a cliff and die like that forever alone girl who’s currently snuggled up with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a jar of Nutella watching The Notebook says they should? Probably not, but they can tone it down a bit with all the kissing and touching, and let’s keep it above the belt, people.

And then there’s the grand gestures, the chocolate sculptures and the skywriting and the bed of roses that ends up being way scratchier than one originally thought. Just like those statuses and tweets decrying Valentine’s Day can be annoying, there are always those “HAPPY VALENTINES DAY BABY LOVE YOU OMG XOXOX <33333” types who have been dating for two weeks and just happened to coincide the beginning of their relationship with Valentine’s Day. Those are obnoxious. Shut the hell up already. It’s like that scene in Anchorman where Ron Burgundy shouts, “VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I HAD SEX AND WE ARE IN LOVEEEEE!” Okay, yeah we get it. You two are currently screwing each other.

Puppy Bowl Renovations Animal Planet wants to boost its annual Puppy Bowl ratings. May we suggest more bloodlust?

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So to those who feel strongly enough to either publicly voice their support or disapproval for this holiday here’s a bit of advice: those in a relationship, go out on a romantic date, exchange gifts, and enjoy yourselves in a nice evening; pleasure one another to the point where who cooks whom breakfast in the morning doesn’t even matter.

Those that publicly despise this holiday: if you’re a girl, get together with your other single girlfriends and go watch Bridesmaids, Pitch

what'’s inside

Top 10: Reason You Should Go Out Tonight you go to clemson, that should be reason enough.

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Perfect, or some other RomCom. Don’t get the fro-yo this time. Get the real ice cream and splurge a bit. Guys, either go out with your other single bros, get wasted and pick up a couple of nickels (hey, it’s like landing one dime piece!). Or if you’re feeling extra agro, hit the gym or take up a contact sport. Put on some gloves and throw down with the punching bag if you’re still feeling angry about that girl who dumped you two years ago. She was like, totally a bitch anyway, bro.

In any case, just let the day pass like any other 1/365th of the year.

bartender of the week Nikita from 356 Sushi really does have amazing shoulder blades, though.

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contents page 5: Ode to the Over Achiever

Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com

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They’re not so bad, and not only because they detract attention from you...

page 6: New Year’s Resolutioners wait, you’re still trying that?

pages 7: from the streets

What’s your favorite bar in downtown clemson?

Table of

page 11: The Super Bowl Drinking Game Go on and play our drinking game while you watch the big game.

page 12: We Interview: Tyrone Wells

Be sure to check out Tyrone Wells’ latest album This Love, and catch him on tour starting in February!

page 13: Back in the Swing of Writing Papers Or, back to doing what you do best procrastinate.

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page three p e e h S k c a l B e h T ile App

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Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!

word of the week Dispoop:

An argument between two people stemming from a floater left in the toilet.

“Man, we can just end this dispoop if you admit that you dropped a deuce and forgot to flush before you left for your lit class.”

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theblacksheeponline.com

2013 Puppy Bowl Renovations Forrest Fire wrote this The Animal Planet is here to flip the script on this puppy love shit. Animal Planet has one goal and only one goal in mind: to surpass the Super Bowl in both ratings and viewers. In previous years, the Puppy Bowl appealed mostly to an audience of little girls, lonely middle-aged women, and sensitive men. This year Animal Planet won’t settle for cute. Cute can only get you so far. This year, they are going for gasps.

That’s where the money is.

The Puppy Bowl looks to rebrand itself, and it’s starting by changing up its sponsors. No more good causes like the American Animal Hospital Association and no hypoallergenic lamb and rice dog food companies. They’re calling in the big guns. Literally. The mob is the perfect organization to sponsor such an event and an ingenious way to fund everything from booze to pyrotechnics to prolonged puppy playtime. Another plus of having the mob on board is the ability to completely take down the Super Bowl. Paying off refs and players will sow frustration among viewers, who will then be forced to turn their attention to the Puppy Bowl. For the other half of the Super Bowl viewers who don’t really care about the game, the mob will also use their connections to replace the commercial breaks with white noise.

Let’s face it, that’s the only reason women watch the game anyway. However, after all of this, the mob’s most important contribution is the inspiration for a new version of the Puppy Bowl. It will no longer be a bunch of cute puppies playing with toys and making viewers cry with happiness. This year, Animal Planet presents the first annual Dog Fight Blood Bowl.

Ceremonies for the Blood Bowl will commence with the usual introduction of the players, including their height, weight, breed, and favorite hobby. All names must be changed to enhance intimidation. For example, that adorable border collie pup no longer goes by Lassie. Everybody now welcomes Fang into the stadium. Displays of blood, teeth, and spiked collars are required. There will also be one dog on each team that is still considered a puppy, but has reached full growth and has rabies. All water bowls will also be spiked with cocaine for dramatic effect and heightened intensity.

Rules of the Blood Bowl have also changed to better reflect the more violent nature. Before there were no winners, now it will be a fight to the death. The last dog standing will live like a king and be rewarded with unlimited steak-flavored dog treats for the rest of his or her short life. The event’s venue has also changed. Instead of a petite mock football field, dogs will face off in a cage surrounded by barbed wire and filled with fully automatic weapons. Young puppy blood is exactly what people want to see.

Another change to the Blood Bowl is the half time show. Usually, amusing kittens are featured with multiple scratching posts and toy mice filled with catnip, but this year, a different kind of pussy will be unleashed. Sixteen exotic strippers have been hired as halftime entertainment, all who will be starting off in fuzzy cat attire and ready to pounce at anything dangling in front of their faces. One lucky viewer will win an all-expense-paid trip to Detroit with the stripper of their choice.

Finally, Michael Vick will be coordinating underground betting as well as serving as one of the game’s commentators. This is where Animal Planet plans on making their most money for the new production.

Buy-ins start at $1,000 dollars, and any degenerate gamblers are welcome. At the Blood Bowl people will be able to place smaller bets at the door. Animal Planet is telling all PETA freaks and animals lovers alike to back off. This is natural selection at its finest. It’s an important food chain; there are too many dogs anyways. They are also reminding PETA that all dogs go to heaven, so why not grant them eternal life?

The slogan of the Dog Fight Blood Bowl is “It’s a dog eat dog world.” Fighting till the death will commence at 7 p.m. on Dog Fight Sunday. So heat up your mini barbecued weenies and bring out the veggie trays. Shit’s about to get real.

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an ode to the over achiever black sheep staff wrote this Oh how I love you, Over Achiever. From when first I rolled my eyes at your rhetorical questions, I realized then that a flame burned in my heart. Initially, I misconstrued this glowing warmth as burgeoning antipathy towards your lack of individuality, but I was mistaken! It was not hate but an inferno of deep, misunderstood passion. But for whom? For you, my dear Over Achiever; you and your unmatched zeal, your overcompensating personality, your recitations of only kinda-sorta relevant knowledge, and your time-wasting curiosity. All these flaws provoked my seething hatred, but it’s all right. I quickly realized that these are imperfections to be loved, adored, and cherished. They are what make you you, while giving me a socially acceptable excuse to be me. If the class is Ying, you are our Yang – the part without which surfing Pinterest and creeping on Facebook during lecture would be impossible.

On the first day of class I knew I wouldn’t forget you when I saw how you scrambled for a front row seat. You somehow found dignity in being academic cannon fodder – an admirable hubris found only in dead mythological heroes. You diligently took notes though you’ve heard the song before – the same overplayed tune professors love called “the syllabus.” Unlike the rest of your non-freshman peers, you did not retain the same generic rules and requirements every authoritarian figure in your life expects. Instead, your common sense was usurped by the insatiable desire to outdo everyone else, and you did just that when you read the first three chapters of your organic chemistry textbook by Martin Luther King Jr. Day. When you

see our dazed apathetic looks, you feel proud. You know the equations ahead of time. Good for you!

And when the professor succinctly explains a culturally obscure reference in the class reading (which no one read), you miraculously find a way to allude to the eclecticism of Nabokov, because somehow reading Lolita makes you an expert in all things 20th century.

And when the TA asks an easy question the rest of us are too lethargic to answer, your hand shoots up faster than a Roman candle on the Fourth of July, completing the daily challenge of upstaging the lesser, sleepy mortals of your 8 a.m. section.

These pompous displays of your intellectual caliber make you the one. You show the rest of the class what they don’t want to be and don’t want to see in a friend. You make finding a person to sit next to consistently a much, much easier feat.

This is my ode, my anthem of gratitude, and my oath of everlasting condescension. Your self-defeating fear of wanting to outshine made you burn out much quicker. Your charms and success are now naught but cinder on a wrinkled wicker.

While you were busy striving for success during syllabus week, I became socially acquainted both in class and on various social media platforms. Hey, look! Becky repinned something from my Pinterest moodboard! I feel as if I’ve been deified as the class trendsetter. All of this socialization was accomplished in

FRIDAY IS LADIE’S NIGHT!

the periphery of your cerebral discourse with the professor.

You made an unwittingly good decoy, Over Achiever, and for that I thank you.

Friendless? It’s alright. We will crowd over you during midterms.

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The

Top 10

theblacksheeponline.com

reasons you should go out tonight

10.) You don’t have class tomorrow: The most obvious reason of all. It’s either A: the weekend or B. you’re lucky and don’t have class tomorrow. There is literally no excuse that anyone in his or her right mind could use to justify not going out tonight. This is Clemson, when we don’t have class, we go out.

9.) It’s been a tough week: It’s been a week filled with projects, tests, papers, and assignments and you just want to blow off some steam. There is no better way to do that than to round up some friends, turn up the music, and take too many shots. You’re done for the week and you deserve this.

8.) You have leftover alcohol: You have alcohol leftover from the last time you went out. It’s staring at you and it’s saying, “Drink me!” So, open up that bottle or can and chug. The pregame starts now (it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right?).

7.) Everybody else is doing it: Peer pressure, the excuse your parents have been warning you about since you were young. “If your friends jumped off of a bridge, would you?” Well in this case, the bridge is either downtown or a party, and the answer to “Would you?” is yes. All of your friends are going out, so get out of that Snuggie and join them.

New Year’s Resolutioners Dustin Bertelsen wrote this Following the decadence and indulgence of the holiday season are people that, for their New Year’s Resolution, pledge to eat healthier and work out in order to lose those extra pounds they packed on from all the pie, turkey, beer, wine, and tequila they sucked down over the holidays. In the month of January plenty of gyms and fitness centers encourage these resolutioners to drop that extra weight and make a change in their lifestyle. Most of the time, however, mankind is content with general fatassery, as we’re sure your conscience is reminding you of right now.

At Clemson’s own Fike Recreation Center, front desk attendant Mario Marotta was asked to comment on this phenomenon. When asked about the increase in attendance at Fike, he gave an estimate of a 60-70% increase in total attendance during the beginning of the new semester.

A more telling figure given by Marotta was the amount of attrition that one sees in the student population entering and exiting Fike. Of those people that end up attending, Marotta estimates more than half end up giving up or quitting after one or two months. Sleeping, eating fro-yo and Nutella, and drinking cheap vodka is all easier than running a few laps or doing some pushups or sit-ups. As a whole, Marotta said he doesn’t see all that much true improvement in these temporarily ardent gym-goers’ fitness levels because most of them end up just going without any idea what they’re doing. These wanna-be meatheads are reminiscent of young children on the playground, running from equipment piece to equipment piece with little idea of what to do. Oh, and that young child spent the previous 4 months partying, drinking beer, eating Little Caesars’ at 1 a.m. and doing

dollar shot nights at TD’s. Like yeah, it makes total sense that four benches, thirty crunches, a lap in the pool and a few wind sprints will have a borderline alcoholic student totally shredded by spring break.

For those Clemson students that did make the resolution to shape up and cut some weight, don’t let your lazy peers discourage you. “Bro, you could go to the gym, or we could pop this case of Nattly Light open and get down on some Halo? Eh, bro? C’mon!” No, you have to stay strong. Yes, Natty Light is delicious, but so are breakfast foods prepared by a woman seduced by your hot bod the night prior.

6.) Late Night: You’ve been out on the town or at a party for hours and you’ve worked up an appetite. Downtown Clemson has some great late night options, and even some places open late for delivery. Little Caesar’s is too scary to eat soberly and if you barely remember eating the C.J. Spiller Dog at Jugheads, do the calories even count?

5.) You can finally text or call that special someone: Everyone has either been a victim or perpetrator of the drunk text. There is nothing better than liquid courage, besides maybe actual courage.

Cheers to saying what you mean and blaming it on alcohol the next day.

4.) Theme Nights: Ever been downtown and seen a group of girls dressed up like the men from Duck Dynasty? Were you actually planning on wearing that 80s track suit to class? They’re not coming back in style anytime soon. You hear the words “theme night” and your immediate response should be “Where is the pregame and what should I wear?”

3.) Maybe you’ll meet that special someone: We’re all looking for love, and who knows? Maybe the man or woman of your dreams is buying a round of fireball shots for the table as we speak! Get out there and meet the person of your dreams… or maybe just settle for a dance floor make out.

2.) No great story starts with “Last night when I was watching TV”: Leave your fictional friends at home for the night and go make some memories with your live and in living color friends! These are the people who in 20 years you will be pray they forgot that time you ran streaking through the Quad so they don’t tell your children.

Should you choose to continue your voyage down the healthy highway, stick it out and bask in the sense of accomplishment after that gut or those love handles begin to disappear. If you feel like you’re beginning to falter or plateau in your endeavors, that is the time to talk to someone at Fike and ask about a class or program that will get you more motivated. For the ladies, there’s nothing more attractive than a well fitting set of leggings or yoga pants, so go do those extra box squats or lunges. For the guys, put away the Busch Light on the weekends, drink more water, hit the treadmill, and max those abs. By the end of the semester, you should have rock hard abs and pecs that would make King Leonidas jealous.

For those of you who have not resolved to live healthier and want to, there’s no better time to hit the gym than now. When you’re forty, single, living in a one-bedroom apartment do you want to look back on yourself and think, “This is when everything started to go wrong,” or do you want think, “God, what I wouldn’t give to be so ripped again”? The choice is yours.

1.) “Work doesn’t end, but college does”: Well said Tom Petty. It might sound cheesy, but it’s true.

These might be the last four (or five) years you can go out on a whim like this, so take advantage!

You won’t remember that time you stayed up late to finish studying for an exam, but you will remember that night you and your friends sang “Roses” by OutKast to a bar full of strangers.

Mary Stewart Bailey wrote this

From the Streets

[PartyPics]

Got a question you want us to ask?

FTS@theblacksheeponline.com

What's your favorite bar in downtown Clemson?

“356, because all my friends go there! They have great deals, music, and an all around fun atmosphere!” - Megan B., Senior

“TD’s, I love seeing everyone let loose on Tuesday nights for karaoke! It’s always fun to see everyone having such a good time and not being completely consumed by classes.” - Taylor S., Junior

“I enjoy going to TTT’s or Esso. Both are filled with great friends and awesome memories!” - Ronni P., Senior

send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

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If you don’t start following us...

YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY.

@BLACKSHEEP_CLEM Scan to go right to the page!

The Grid MONDAY! All you can eat sushi for $12.95

$9 House Liquor Pitchers All Night Monday - Saturday

FRI: Ladies Night! $2 Drink Specials No Cover Before 12 Ladies Free All Night!

WED: $3 Tequila, $8 Liquor Pitchers, $1.50 Bud Lights

thursday 1/31

$3.56 Sushi and $8.99 Wine Tasting

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers $9 House Liquor Pitchers all night Monday - Saturday

College night! $2 Drink Specials $0.25 Rolling Rock No Cover w/ College ID

32oz Thursday! $5 32oz Margarita (Regular, Peach, Melon)

FRIday 2/1

$6 Pitchers $1.50 Mystery Beer $2.00 Mystery Mini Bottle

$9 House Liquor Pitchers, $2 House Liquor Shots, $2.50 Fireball Shots and $3 Jaegermeister Shots All Night Monday - Saturday

Ladies Night! $2 Drink Specials No Cover Before 12 Ladies Free All Night!

$3 Red Stag & $3 Capt. Morgan

Dance Party! $1 Jello Shots

$3 Pinnacle Flavors

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Kitchen Open from 11:30am - 11pm Monday - Friday, 4pm - 11pm on Saturdays Come check out our daily lunch specials!

Call to Book Your Next Mixer!

Closed

All you can eat sushi for $12.95

All food specials start at 4 pm $1 Beef, Blackened Chicken or Pulled Pork Tacos, $3.00 Nachos & Cheese, $5.00 Loaded Nachos (Add chicken, beef or pork for $1.00), $2.75 Lime-A- Ritas, $2 Tequila Shots, $1.50 for 7oz Coronitas or a Bucket of 8 for $9.50

Call to Book Your Next Mixer!

$3 Long Island Iced Teas

College Night 18+

$5.75 Large Pizza $4.75 Bud Light Pitchers $9 House Liquor Pitchers All Night Monday - Saturday

Call to Book Your Next Mixer!

$3 Martinis

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter!

Yeungs and Wings! $4.75 Yeungling Pitchers $6.75 for a Dozen Wings $9 House Liquor Pitchers all night Monday - Saturday

Call to Book Your Next Mixer!

$3 Tequila, $8 Liquor Pitchers, $1.50 Bud Lights

SPECIAL NIGHT

saturday 2/2 sunday 2/3 monday 2/4 tuesday 2/5 WED. 2/6

$9 House Liquor Pitchers, $2 House

Come out and enjoy our foosball Liquor Shots, $2.50 Fireball Shots and $3 Jaegermeister Shots All Night and pingpong tables!

Monday - Saturday

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Monday - Friday $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

The Grid Happy Hour! 4-8 All Week

wednesday! buy 1/2 pound wings, get 1/2 pound free!

Service Industries Night

SPECIAL NIGHT

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 specialty burgers and your choice of selected beers

Wheel of Awesome and $1 Shots

$6 Pitchers and Live Music!

thursday 1/31

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

Happy Hour! 4-8 All Week

$3 Burgers and Live Music!

FRIday 2/1

Open 6:00 pm - 2:00 am Show up early to miss the line at midnight!

Happy Hour! 4-8 All Week

Cisco Saturday

saturday 2/2

Open 6:00 pm - 2:00 am Members can buy beer and wine to go.

Happy Hour! 4-8 All Week

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter!

sunday 2/3

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

$2.50 House Liquor

$6 Specials

monday 2/4

$5.75 Large Pizzas, $4.75 Bud Light Pitchers and $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers all night

Happy Hour! 4-8 All Week

2 Burger Baskets and a Pitcher for $12

tuesday 2/5

Yeungs and Wings! $4.75 Yeungling Pitchers, $6.75 for a Dozen Wings and $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers

Happy Hour! 4-8 All Week

buy 1/2 pound wings, get 1/2 pound free!

Service Industries Night

WED. 2/6

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OVERTIME

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theblacksheeponline.com

bartender of the week nikita k. 356 sushi Relationship status: In a relationship.

Major: Food Science Human Nutrition Favorite drink: Cherries on bottom - cherries, ice, a shot of Skyy cherry, with Sprite and a splash of lime juice.

Favorite shot: Mind eraser - a shot of coffee liquor, a shot of vanilla Svedka, a splash of ginger ale, and two straws. Giggity.

Worst drink ever: Japanese prairie fire - a shot sake with Sriracha hot sauce.

What celebrity would you most like to punch in the face: Janelle from Teen Mom What is the worst pickup line you’ve heard on the job: A man asked me this summer, “Would you mind if I touched your boots:” I promptly replied, “No!” To which he responded, “No I said BOOTS ..” And I said, “I understood you the first time and the answer is still no.”

What Disney character do you most want to hook up with: Aladdin, I would definitely ride his carpet.

the drinking game:

What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard on the job: A guy telling me, “You have amazing shoulder blades.”

If you could be a holiday, which would you be: Definitely Thanksgiving - I’m all about the food.

What dead person would you want to bring back to life: My favorite actress and humanitarian, Audrey Hepburn. We need class like hers back in the world.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be: The ability to get a 4.0 at Clemson.

Who do you most want to have a tickle fight with: My boyfriend Greg, of course!

What’s one thing you never want your mom to know about you: How much money I spend on alcohol.

How many 4-year olds do you think you could take in a fight: None - little kids are vicious.

Favorite place to party: 35Sexy!

Favorite/least favorite tattoo: All tattoos are my least favorite - nothing about tattoos is appealing to me in the slightest. “I love my tramp stamp!” #shitnobodysays

recipe for disaster:

Super Bowl Shots

summer slammer smoothies

Everyone wishes they could be an NFL player, but unfortunately that position is reserved for buff boys whose brawn is bigger than their brains. Until you’re reincarnated as one of these gifted few, here’s a football-inspired drinking game aimed to make anyone feel like the star QB for a few minutes.

In this chilly weather all we want is to be soaking up rays somewhere. So put on your swimsuit, crank up the heat, and make your own poolside beverages to get the summer feel in your apartment.

What You’ll Need: Table, cups, beer, ping pong balls, and Super Bowl XLVII on the big screen.

Number of Players: 2 teams of 2 is ideal, but there’s always room for more.

Level of Intoxication: Feelin’ real good by the second half.

What You’ll Need: A blender, ice, milk or Greek yogurt, fruit, and your choice of alcohol.

Cook Time: Just a few minutes, you lazy bum!

Fatty Factor: Depends on the type of milk you use. Otherwise, get drunk!

How to Play: - Get all your bros together and turn on the Super Bowl.

- Split up into two teams and have each team pick between either the 49ers or the Ravens.

- Watch the game and drink casually until one of the following occurs: interception, fumble, safety, touchdown, punt, or field goal.

- Once one of these situations happens, get up and head over to the table. Set up 2 cups for each player on the opposing team. Place the cups anywhere you want: on the table, on the floor, on the couch behind you. Just don’t be an asshole; make them somewhat reachable.

- The team that benefitted from the game situation (like the team that recovered the fumble) shoots first.

- One by one, each player, alternating teams, has a chance to shoot and make one of the cups on the opposite side (no bouncing!). Once a player has made 2 cups, they’re done and sit for the rest of that round.

- If someone’s throw causes a ball to fly away, land under a piece of furniture, or spill a cup, that team is charged with a delay of game and must remove a cup for the other team.

- Both teams together have a total of 2 minutes to sink as many cups as they can.

The Game Ends When: The game is over, duh! The team with the most sunk cups at the end of the fourth quarter wins. Make ‘em pay for all the cases.

This game tests any athletic skills that you may or may not have. Most likely not, but who cares? You’re getting drunk, bro.

download our app for all of our drinking games!

Let’s Get Baked: - Grab your blender and pour in about a cup of milk.

- If you have Greek yogurt and want to make it a bit healthier, add in about _ cup of that shit.

- Pour in a shot or two of your alcohol of choice.

- Next you add your fruit: strawberries, blueberries, bananas, apples. Whatever you have a taste for.

- Top your smoothie off with a few handfuls of ice, but if you want your shake/smoothie on the creamy side, you don’t need it.

- If you’re a total juicehead, add in some protein powder, bro!

- Blend it up until it’s all nice and smooth.

- Pour it in a glass, toss in a cute little drink umbrella, and chug, chug, chug!

Feel free to get creative yet appetizing. Bananas and rum could be a good combination or the traditional berries and vodka. Maybe replace your milk and yogurt with Rumchata?

The world is your oyster, so slurp it down.

Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com

! e m a g g in k in r d l w er bo upAnnouncers... e SThe ThWhen When The Announcers...

during the halftime show....

Drink one when they say each other’s name.

Drink one if Ray Lewis’ leadership is discussed.

Drink two for every forced Harbaugh pun.

Drink three when they use the telestrator.

Drink four for each shot of the Harbaugh family.

Drink one for every Pepsi mention.

Drink two when Beyonce changes songs.

Drink two if the camera cuts to a celebrity.

Drink five if Jay-Z or Kanye come on stage.

Drink ten if Destiny’s Child comes on stage.

When the team you're rooting for...

Drink one when a pass is completed.

Drink one for each point your team scores.

Drink two for a ten-yard run.

Drink two for any penalty on the other team Drink two for any first down your team gets.

Drink three for any sack your team causes.

Drink three for every challenge.

Drink four for any turnover your team forces.

Drink four for any play over forty yards.

Chug your drink for the duration of an injury.

during the commercials...

in your place...

Drink one for every hot babe.

Drink three for every beer commercial.

Drink four for each company you don’t know.

Drink six every time super cute animals are involved.

Drink six for dudes doin’ dumb dude-stuff.

Drink two for everyone who wears a jersey.

Drink two if someone uses gambling lingo.

Drink three every time someone spills.

Drink five if you miss a score.

Drink ten when something is broken in anger.

we interview:

tyrone wells

Even if you don’t know Tyrone Wells, you’ve heard Tyrone Wells. His personal brand of acoustic tuneage has appeared on everything from American Idol to Scrubs to the freaking Vampire Diaries. His latest album, This Love, dropped recently, and he begins a national tour in February. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: You recently released your fifth studio album, This Love; did you approach the creative process differently on this album?

Tyrone Wells: I approached it knowing I wanted to keep the production a little bit more acoustic. Every time I try to make a record I try to keep it sparse, but songs keep growing.

TBS: When you talk about an album growing, is that like, adding musical ingredients? A little of this, a little of that?

Tyrone: Yeah, it is like that. I don’t always know what should be added, but there are songs like “Bring Her to Me” and “Aria” that are finger picking songs that I knew would be nice with hardly anything else added.

But, when you get in the studio, you start thinking “This could use a little drum beat,” and then it can spiral out of control if you’re not careful.

TBS: Do you usually know what you need to add, or is there trial and error?

Tyrone: I’ll dig around for a while, unsure what the best thing to add is.

That’s why it helps to have a good producer, to trust their instincts. That’s why a lot of artists can’t finish anything; they just dig a hole they can’t get out of.

TBS: These sparse songs, do you write with the intention of them being that way?

Tyrone: Some songs I know it’ll be best with little added. On the other hand, sometimes I think I know, and then I end up with something totally different.

TBS: And does that feeling come from lyrical subject matter, or something else?

Tyrone: If the songs feels intimate or if it feels bombastic, that has a lot to do with it. Just knowing it will shine more if there is less added.

TBS: You’re about to head out on a national tour. When you go on tour do you try to recreate a song as you recorded it, or just have fun with it?

Tyrone: It depends. Sometimes I tour with a full band, other times it’s just with one other guy.

When I have just one other guy, it’s hard to reproduce a song as it’s performed on a record.

Sometimes we’ll fiddle with songs intentionally, adding a different groove or something. For the most part, I try to keep it similar to the record.

TBS: Has there been any song that’s changed its meaning to you over time, then, in turn, you’ve changed the approach to how you play it live?

Tyrone: No, I don’t think so. I labor beforehand over how the song would be best performed.

I’ve been to shows and gotten annoyed when artists change songs, especially if they change the songs drastically. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a Counting Crows concert, but they perform every song differently than they recorded it, and I’m like, “I’m seeing you because I like the way this song sounds.”

TBS: How much input do you have in your touring?

Tyrone: I’m very involved in where we go, where we play, for sure. It’s my life and I want to enjoy the experience. If I love a room or it has the wrong vibe, I’ll hit up my booking agent.

TBS: In this new musical landscape, how do you define your success?

Tyrone: I think for me, I care if a new record charts or not. That’s happened on the singer/ songwriter chart for me, with my last releases coming up number one or number two. TV and film placement are important, and touring. When you come through a town and you notice if the audience is bigger or smaller than it was last time.

TBS: Can you really note the different sizes of audiences in cities?

Tyrone: I can tell just by the enthusiasm of the crowd. And I mean, we switch venues, and that can change the perception of how well we’re doing in a city.

TBS: Build me a perfect sandwich.

Tyrone: You know, my perfect sandwich… that’s a great, great question. French baguette, barbecued pork, radish, jalapeño, carrots, and basil. The way they prepare the meat, it rocks the world.

the big three

entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.

Warm Bodies In Theaters February 1st

After a zombie apocalypse leaves a bunch of people craving human brains, R (Nicholas Hoult) and his zombie friends encounter a group of people. R kills a man then proceeds to fall in love with his girlfriend, Julie (Teresa Palmer). They begin to develop a relationship, and R slowly becomes less zombie-like, proving that if a zombie can find love, then so can your braindead ass.

Super Bowl XLVII February 3rd at 6pm on CBS

For those who don’t read roman, this year’s Super Bowl is the 47th and the first one to feature opposing head coach brothers; the Baltimore Ravens’ John Harbaugh and the San Francisco 49ers’ Jim Harbaugh. But most importantly, Beyonce and her children of destiny are performing at half time. Ma, heat up the spin dip!

Puppy Bowl IX February 3rd at 3pm on Animal Planet

The lovely (assuming) ladies of Animal Planet present two hours of puppies rolling around on each other and being adorable in the 9th year of the Puppy Bowl. There’s no Beyonce at half time, and it doesn’t cost $4 million dollars for a 30-second commercial, but it’s friggin’ puppies playing with each other for 120 minutes.

That’s a whole lot of cute.

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page 13

Back in the Swing of Writing Papers Sevin Ketze wrote this 7:30 p.m.: You open up a Word document, adjust the font and margins, crack your knuckles. It's go time.

10:15 p.m.: Oh shit, you just watched three episodes of Spartacus.

You haven't written anything except your name and your opening line “asldaslkdasdkasd uhhhhhshit shit shit.”

10:30 p.m.: You're almost halfway done writing! Well, you haven't actually started writing, but you DID copy/paste an extremely long quote that's a little bit relevant to the prompt. And you remembered to change one of the periods to a comma, so technically it's not plagiarism.

10:35 p.m.: In a flash of genius, you realize you could use to use that same thousand word quote for the “con” side of your debate paper, just by prefacing it with “However, some people DON'T think that...” All done! Time to get DOWN! 10:37 p.m.: You pick up an overflowing shot glass and stare at the other eight shots lined up in front of you, but hesitate. You start thinking “maybe I should go back and take this paper more seriously.” In a flash of impulsiveness, your arm swings down and knocks the row of glasses off your desk and into the wall. Time to get scholarly!

11:05 p.m.: Blood is streaming from your hands, feet, and knees, but you're pretty sure you finally got all the broken glass picked up.

You feel a little woozy from the blood loss, or maybe from all the grain alcohol your cuts absorbed off of the floor.

11:50 p.m.: Might’ve passed out for a bit there. You pull yourself back onto your chair with a newfound resolve. No more messin' around!

2:15 a.m.: Okay, your room is spotless, your cats have been scrubbed clean and hung up to dry, and you finally saw every single thing on Pinterest. Nothing can stand in your way now!

3:05 a.m.: Less than seven hours left. You've cried so much your body literally can't produce any more tears. Remember, where there's a will, there's a way!

3:06 a.m.: Speaking of a will, you just realized you've never written one! What if something happened to you?! What would happen to your laptop, your beer can castle, and your freshly scrubbed cats?

The paper can wait, this is what's REALLY important.

4:19 a.m.: After lots of rough drafts, you finally decide on “just bury me with all my shit.”

4:50 a.m.: Another unproductive half hour of internet browsing passes, so you decide you've had enough and throw your ethernet cord out the window.

4:52 a.m.: You're trying to load Wikipedia to finally get started with your research, but the damn internet is out AGAIN. Come on, internet, pull your shit toge—ohhhhhhhhhh, right.

5:05 a.m.: You overhear a couple of passersby whispering about some bloody hobo looking for change in the gutter. Boy, would I hate to be him in this weather! Finally, you spot your ethernet cord wedged in the storm drain, pull it out, and trudge back inside.

6:00 a.m.: Yet another hour of absolutely no progress. You're completely panicking.

6:15 a.m.: After some frantic pacing, you suddenly remember that story about the guy who had the essay prompt “define courage,”

turned in a paper that simply said “this is,” and got an A. Could it work for you too? Well, guess it's Hail Mary time.

6:17 a.m.: Printed and ready to go! You hop into bed for a quick snooze before class.

10:00 a.m.: Turned it in! Well, it was a rough night, but at least it's over.

TWO WEEKS LATER 10:05 a.m.: Papers get passed back. An F?!?! But...I... maybe it would have worked better if the prompt had actually been “define courage,” and not “Define Whitewashing in America.”

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