The Black Sheep
FR EE ... LI PA KE F RE OO NT D F ’S PA ROM NT RY YOU . R
• A COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT’S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE •
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_clem
Volume 3, Issue 4 10/11/12 - 10/24/12
WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE STUCK ON CAMPUS OVER FALL BREAK BLAKE MILLER WROTE THIS
If you’re a college student and any sort of short holiday break is approaching, you have one of three options. You could drive back home, fill your parents in on what you want them to believe you’ve been doing, and maybe even stock up on meals that don’t heavily rely on booze and ramen noodles. You might go off on a road trip with some friends, just leave town and all of your school worries behind you for the next couple of days. Or you might be stuck on campus with absolutely nothing to do until all of your friends come back. Do you fall into the third category? Here are some ideas on how to kill time until you can reclaim your social life. Study: While you’re near the library, you could actually, you know, study. Yeah, yeah, we know. Boo! Hiss! But if you get all the boring stuff out of the way while your friends are gone, just imagine how much gloating you can do when they get back! While they’re pulling all nighters to try to write that ten page paper due the next day, you can be sleeping! Who doesn’t love sleep? And hey, who knows? Maybe you’ll find some cute nerd in there studying as well. They may not be the life of the party now, but when they’re making the big bucks a few years down the road, you’re going to be the genius. Have you ever seen a picture of young Bill Gates? He definitely stayed on campus over fall break… at least for the few years that he was in college. Get Drunk: Nothing beats loneliness like alcohol, right? Don’t just stay huddled up in your apartment, though. Make a game out of it! Columbus Day just recently passed why not sail across the reflection pond and claim a new territory for yourself? You can make a raft out of your beer cans and bravely row to conquer the evil enemy territory that is known as Cooper Library. If authority figures happen to arrive to try to dissuade you, it’s probably best just to stay in the middle of the pond until you sober up and can think your way out of this. Or just barf on them and run.
LARGE IMPERSONAL CLASSES: BEST WAY TO LEARN WELL, TO LEARN WHERE YOUR SLAMPIECE IS HANGING OUT.
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Do Absolutely Nothing: Sometimes you just need to sit on your couch for days on end. What’s so bad about that? You’ve spent the past two months working your tail off to get good grades (or so your parents believe) and you’ve earned a break from civilized society. You don’t even have to bother putting on pants. Just sit back, relax, and catch up on all the TV that you’ve been missing for so long. Did we mention that you don’t even have to wear pants if you don’t want to? If that doesn’t sound like the lap of luxury,
what’s inside THE TOP 10
then you really need to sort out your priorities. Netflix and Hulu can be your best friend. Heck, you can even rent the entire Redbox if your credit card can support it! So there you have it. You thought staying on campus over fall break was going to be lonely and mom-less. Well… it probably will be. But at least you have alcohol and TV, right? They pretty much did the heavy lifting on raising you anyway! Fall break 2012!! HELL YEAH!
IT SUCKS TO BE A FEMALE
PICTURES THAT EVERY GIRL TAKES WITH INSTAGRAM. #DUCKFACE #BESTIES
IT’S EXPENSIVE AND BABIES COME OUT OF YOUR PEE-HOLE. JUST THE WORST.
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