The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 4 • 2/28/13 - 3/13/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_clem
Parking Services: Clemson’s KGB Dustin Bertelsen wrote this Most universities throughout the United States lead rackets that even the most notorious mob bosses would be proud of: parking services. Clemson University is no exception to this rule, as the university has its own separate entity, Clemson University Parking Services, which works independently of the campus police department and operates a mall-cop like setup in driving their tiny excuses for SMART cars. They’re like cop cars, but only if cop cars were effeminate and lacked true the authority a police officer would wield. CU’s parking services have been compared to the Gestapo (an actual note posted on the Library Bulletin Board) and are relentless in their “enforcement” of parking statutes on campus. To notice just how overly vigilante the university’s parking services are, one only has to be on campus at 7:00 a.m. The parking services’ poor excuses for vehicles roll out of their headquarters at the Student Union complex, writing tickets for those kids parked in spots they shouldn’t be at 7:01 a.m. One parks in a visitor/30 minute/employee spot for even 5 minutes when they shouldn’t be and BOOM: a $90 parking ticket. By noon Parking Services is so fattened on student skrill, they don’t even need to break to have lunch. It seems as if a disabled, blind, three-legged dog laid out the parking doctrine on campus: on one street alone it goes from service vehicles (red spaces), commuters (orange spaces), employees (green spaces), and residents (white spaces), the color spectrum of injustice. This is an incredibly confusing setup that could lead an unknowing freshman right into the maw of CU Parking Services’ money trap, owing an expensive ticket she doesn’t have the means to pay off. Then, young Jenny will turn to a life of stripping to pay the bills, then a coke habit will take over as she tries to sniff the pain away, only to end up dead at 23. Do you see what you’re doing to the youth of America, Clemson? Also, why is it that employees have the absolute best parking on campus? Does this seem normal? It’s the students that pay the bills, right? Instead, students are piled into lots far away from the main parts of campus at either The Pit, Kite Hill, behind Death Valley, or surrounding Littlejohn Coliseum. Professors complain about students being late to class, but fail to realize it’s incredibly difficult to make it to class on time when forced to park half a mile from the main academic buildings, and having to hoof that distance when the CatBuses are full.
Tailgating Showdown Is baseball better than football? we discuss the finer points.
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At certain universities in which space may be limited or non-existent, it would be understandable that constant, strict enforcement of parking is necessary. Universities such as USC or College of Charleston would be examples of such, in which urban settings do not permit the university to dedicate certain parts of campus for parking only. Clemson University, however, has more land than we know what to do with. Not only does the University obviously own the land campus occupies, but it also owns a great deal of land surrounding the main campus, stretching out in parts of 3 different counties: Oconee, Pickens, and Anderson. Space isn’t an issue at Clemson. If students need more spaces for parking, wouldn’t it
what'’s inside
Top 10: Keys to Conquering Downtown Don’t act like a freshman - know what’s going on in Downtown Clemson.
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behoove the campus to build extra parking lots? Or at least make these open fields a playground for our kinkiest parking fantasies? Would that not only save the students more money but also save them the consternation of dealing with these god-awful parking services? Doesn’t this seem over the top? How many parking tickets have you gotten? How many times have you seen the employees of parking services in their little go-karts giving out those dreaded orange envelopes draped on a car’s windshield? Enough is enough! Viva la revolution!
Bartender of the week Cathryn from Wingin’ It is a lover, not a fighter.
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