The Black Sheep
FR EE ... l at ike a p the ol cr ice ap st py at co io n. ffee
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 4 • 2/28/13 - 3/13/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_clem
Parking Services: Clemson’s KGB Dustin Bertelsen wrote this Most universities throughout the United States lead rackets that even the most notorious mob bosses would be proud of: parking services. Clemson University is no exception to this rule, as the university has its own separate entity, Clemson University Parking Services, which works independently of the campus police department and operates a mall-cop like setup in driving their tiny excuses for SMART cars. They’re like cop cars, but only if cop cars were effeminate and lacked true the authority a police officer would wield. CU’s parking services have been compared to the Gestapo (an actual note posted on the Library Bulletin Board) and are relentless in their “enforcement” of parking statutes on campus. To notice just how overly vigilante the university’s parking services are, one only has to be on campus at 7:00 a.m. The parking services’ poor excuses for vehicles roll out of their headquarters at the Student Union complex, writing tickets for those kids parked in spots they shouldn’t be at 7:01 a.m. One parks in a visitor/30 minute/employee spot for even 5 minutes when they shouldn’t be and BOOM: a $90 parking ticket. By noon Parking Services is so fattened on student skrill, they don’t even need to break to have lunch. It seems as if a disabled, blind, three-legged dog laid out the parking doctrine on campus: on one street alone it goes from service vehicles (red spaces), commuters (orange spaces), employees (green spaces), and residents (white spaces), the color spectrum of injustice. This is an incredibly confusing setup that could lead an unknowing freshman right into the maw of CU Parking Services’ money trap, owing an expensive ticket she doesn’t have the means to pay off. Then, young Jenny will turn to a life of stripping to pay the bills, then a coke habit will take over as she tries to sniff the pain away, only to end up dead at 23. Do you see what you’re doing to the youth of America, Clemson? Also, why is it that employees have the absolute best parking on campus? Does this seem normal? It’s the students that pay the bills, right? Instead, students are piled into lots far away from the main parts of campus at either The Pit, Kite Hill, behind Death Valley, or surrounding Littlejohn Coliseum. Professors complain about students being late to class, but fail to realize it’s incredibly difficult to make it to class on time when forced to park half a mile from the main academic buildings, and having to hoof that distance when the CatBuses are full.
Tailgating Showdown Is baseball better than football? we discuss the finer points.
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At certain universities in which space may be limited or non-existent, it would be understandable that constant, strict enforcement of parking is necessary. Universities such as USC or College of Charleston would be examples of such, in which urban settings do not permit the university to dedicate certain parts of campus for parking only. Clemson University, however, has more land than we know what to do with. Not only does the University obviously own the land campus occupies, but it also owns a great deal of land surrounding the main campus, stretching out in parts of 3 different counties: Oconee, Pickens, and Anderson. Space isn’t an issue at Clemson. If students need more spaces for parking, wouldn’t it
what'’s inside
Top 10: Keys to Conquering Downtown Don’t act like a freshman - know what’s going on in Downtown Clemson.
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behoove the campus to build extra parking lots? Or at least make these open fields a playground for our kinkiest parking fantasies? Would that not only save the students more money but also save them the consternation of dealing with these god-awful parking services? Doesn’t this seem over the top? How many parking tickets have you gotten? How many times have you seen the employees of parking services in their little go-karts giving out those dreaded orange envelopes draped on a car’s windshield? Enough is enough! Viva la revolution!
Bartender of the week Cathryn from Wingin’ It is a lover, not a fighter.
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contents page 4: The Joy of Hissing at Cats
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
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Whether felines or old jazz musicians, all cats deserve to be hissed at.
page 6: Point-Counter Point: Real Moustaches Versus Fake Moustaches The ultimate debate of manliness.
pages 7: from the streets
Table of
what are you most excited about for baseball season?
page 11: We Interview: Big Gigantic
Check out the acclaimed electronic jam band on tour this summer!
page 12: Guess This Dress! Oscar Edition Which sexy ladies rocked ‘em on the red carpet?
page 13: Thanks for Playing: Black History Month!
Monumental steps forward during this past month.
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page three p e e h S k c a l B e h T
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word of the week Slumbeer:
The last beer of the evening, often drank as a person is nodding off. “If Neil drops his slumbeer, be sure to wake him up by pouring whatever isn’t spilt on his head.”
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The Joy of Hissing at Cats black sheep staff wrote this Does your disgust for felines cause you to wake up in the middle of the night with a case of rage sweats, bellowing obscenities? Have you ever gotten so angry at a cat rubbing up against you that you threw up? Then welcome, friend, to “The Joy of Hissing at Cats”—the column the New York Times raved is “definitely written in English.” This week we will delve into the most effective ways to inflict maximum physical and psychological harm onto cats. We’ll begin by clearing up a common misconception, cats aren’t quirky and independent—they’re just ignorant little fur goblins that are astonishingly unaware of their surroundings. Luckily, you can exploit their soul-crushing stupidity, which brings us to our first suggestion: traps. It doesn’t take much to trick a cat. With everyday household items, some know-how, plus a pinch of psychotic resentment you can have Mr. Meow-gies everywhere experiencing PTSD in no time. Of course, there are old standbys like the classic “Put cat food in garbage can, wait for cat to enter garbage can, subsequently roll garbage can down rocky hill” technique. And who can forget the ever-reliable “Point laser gun towards edge of a rocky hill, have cat approach edge of rocky hill, push cat down rocky hill” maneuver. These golden oldies never lose their shine! But these old methods might have PETA and everyone on the Internet breaking down your door. Feel free to try out new things, there’s plenty of rocky hills out there and more than one way to push your cat down them. Really, there’s opportunities abound, so get creative! Those creeps are supposed to have nine lives anyways, so swing for the fences, you crazy kids! Don’t limit yourself to physical abuse, you can do more than Chris Brown cats. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when you’re terrorizing Garfield, and, if done properly, an old fashioned hiss can instill just as much terror in the cold ugly heart of a cat as any trip down a rocky hill. A personal favorite is to give em’ the Clockwork Orange treatment and associate their favorite things with terror to turn that horrible shallow world of theirs upside down. For this one, hide underneath and blanket and leave a cat treat in front of you. When the greedy slob invariably goes for it, burst out of your hate cocoon, like the vengeful butterfly you are, for a vicious hiss that will leave even the most uppity of cats fearing for their life. For you more experienced cat harassers out there, take things to the next level and wildly flail at the cat with T-Rex arms to really convey that
predator feeling. In no time at all, your cat will be experiencing Deer Hunter levels of mental scarring. You can inflict emotional damage outside the home as well! Taking cats to the zoo can be as traumatic for them as it is delightful for you. A great, family-friendly Sunday tradition of ours is to round up stray cats and bring them to the zoo where we force the lil’ fart suckers to watch and listen as we hurl insults and old fruits (not the George Takei kind) at the lions and tigers. The shame the cats will feel watching their feline kings and queens get pelted with moldy kiwis does quite a number on their self-esteem. Take away any pride they have and be sure to really chastise those big ol’ pussies because nothing quite says, “eat shit and die” like public humiliation. That’s it for now, but make sure to pick up a copy next week as we look into the do’s and don’ts of waterboarding your cat. *Disclaimer: This article is not meant to actually promote human-on-cat violence, so cool your jets, animal rights groups. Go eat more granola, or whatever it is you people do. As exhilarating and emotionally rewarding as these techniques are, sometimes it takes a little more to fully break a cat’s spirit. For the particularly bold and insolent cat in your life, we recommend giving Mr. or Mrs. Kitty a nice kick to their tender little cat ribs. Me-ouch! The Joy of Hissing at Cats is brought to you by PETA.
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Tailgating Showdown: Is Baseball Better than Football? Kevin Thomas wrote this Tailgating is one of the South’s favorite pastimes. How could it not be? It combines watching sports, friends, eating, and consuming alcohol: things every southerner loves. Normally tailgating is usually thought of only in reference to football games, but here at Clemson we also love to tailgate for baseball games. But are baseball tailgates actually better than football ones? Well, here are a few reasons why they might be. No Parents: Parents may come up for some of the home football games, and that really limits the amount of drunken shenanigans you can get into before the game. You don’t want to go and get hammered and then have to deal with your parents, nor do you want to have to be talking to them before the game -- that takes away from valuable drinking time. Yet with baseball games, parents hardly ever come up, so that gives students all the time in the world to get rowdy. College! No parents! College! No parents! Better Weather: During football season, tailgating for the first few games of the year will have you sweating from 80 or 90 degree heat and getting all kinds of sunburn from being out in the hot sun all day. The problem is, you’re drinking so you have no idea how burnt you are until the next day, and then it really starts to burn. Then, for the last few games of the season it’s freezing, like 30 degrees out there, so you’ve got to bundle up or coat on a heavy booze blanket -- and that warmth only lasts through the first quarter. Baseball season is in the spring, so you
have temperatures in the 60s and 70s, much more comfortable to be outside in, and you could wear a wife beater and a diaper and still be comfortable. Timing: Around Clemson, we ALWAYS seem to have noon games, which suck for a plethora of reasons. To be able to get a nice buzz going before these games you have to be out there by 9:30a.m. or so, and that is WAY too early for a college kid to be having to wakeup after a night on the town. For baseball, most games start in the mid afternoon, so you can show up after class or get there around 12:30p.m., and still have plenty of time to get to the “yelling at the opposing team’s leftfielder about how you would rail his hot sister” level by the time the game starts. Friends: Everyone’s heard the old real estate saying, “Location, location, location.” Well, the same thing is true here. For baseball tailgates it is much easier to get all of your friends in one place, as there are no reserved tailgating spots. It’s always a better time when you have your friends around; whether that be so you can reminisce on old times or have your go-to wingman by your side when that left fielder finally reaches a boiling point and comes after you. Multiple times a weekend: The best part about baseball tailgating is the best part about being in a new relationship: YOU GET TO DO IT MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK! With baseball,
teams usually come in for a three-game series, so that means you can tailgate Friday, Saturday, and Sunday if that’s how you roll. While with football, you only get that one day to participate in this great pastime, and after that day is over, you’re left begging for more. And as everyone knows, more is more. So, are baseball tailgates better than their football brethren? “Better” is such a subjective term, isn’t it? Can’t we all just be happy we have an excuse to drink a lot of beer and eat a lot of food while the sun’s still out?
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Point-Counter Point: Real Moustaches versus Fake Moustaches The moustache—the most distinguishing facial feature that one can possess. It comes in a variety of styles depending on the wearer’s personality and hair thickness. As college students, if you can’t grow out a decent one in a few weeks, prepare to be a baby back bitch for the rest of your life. Believe it or not, women love a little bit of scruff on a man, but when it comes down to an authentic or faux manscape, which one reigns supreme?
Kitty Kat: Facial hair, especially moustaches, announces to the world, “Look at me. I am man.” Without it, I feel like I have to ask a guy if he’s over 18 years old before taking him home and ripping his pants off. Why make girls live with the fear of pedophilia breathing down their necks? A fake moustache may make one seem older, but it’ll end up with me in the slammer for statutory rape, and you definitely won’t be getting a second date after that. Plus, fake moustaches are way too creepy to be seductive. They look like they’re made out of black polyester fur or an art class paintbrush that is shedding whiskers and leading to a gross, hairy kiss. Mad Max: When growing a moustache out, though, there is never a perfect length. If it is too short in some areas at the beginning, it may resemble a fairly anti-Semitic figure in history. Later on, if the moustache flows too proudly, people will begin to wonder just how deep that person is in the porn industry. Sure there are a few “sweet spot” moments in natural moustache growth that cannot be rivaled. Sadly, like fruit, moustaches aren’t always grown correctly. Americans have proven that we value reliability over quality, and if an artificial substitute needs to be brought in, glue it on. Kitty Kat: Once again, it’s all about that manliness factor. It takes a true man to know how to groom himself to look like a sexual god. If the facial hair just isn’t working for you, take a different route and shave it off. Maybe you’re a guy meant for piercings or tattoos instead— which are so much more badass anyway. Fake moustaches weird me out, dude! They get all
Top 10
Keys To Conquering Downtown
10.) Full-Phone Battery: With no battery, how are you gonna meet up with your friends? Send drunk texts and tweets? Get a ride home? Make sure that baby has plenty of juice before heading out to where the cool Clemson kids hang. 9.) People: Do not go by yourself unless absolutely necessary. We repeat, DO NOT GO BY YOURSELF. Sometimes there will be no one you know, and you’ll end up hanging out in a corner with someone you don’t even like that much. You don’t want to be that guy.
tbs staff wrote this
Mad Max: The problem with real moustaches is accessibility. Few people in the prime years of their sexual escapades can grow a complete beard and moustache combo. It comes in parts over the years, and dim lighting isn’t enough to make up for the gaps. For the less patient among us, who says anyone needs to wait until after the golden years of education are over to rock this sweet piece of hair? Valuable time is being wasted as the young and foolish are ignored in favor of older counterparts who sweat mystery and allure. With a fake moustache, it allows the less fortunate to jump a few years ahead of what their gene pool was planning.
The
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8.) Cash: Hard to make it rain with plastic. When going DT you want to have cash to pay for your drinks. It’s a huge hassle paying with a card. From tabs, to leaving your card, to signing every receipt, to minimums, it’s just too much. People also tend to spend more with cards, and if you’re lucky enough to be using a parents’, you don’t want to wakeup the next morning to find a $690 tab from the night before. It’s all about the Benjamins: cash is the way to go. 7.) Quarters: Everything in a bar costs dollars and some change; hardly ever is it a whole dollar. Take some quarters when you head out, and pay for some drinks with the exact amount. The prices are like that so people will give dollars and not worry about change. We see you, bars, and we’re on to your games.
sweaty and slimy and sometimes droop off the wearer’s face. It’s almost as disgusting as the thought of fake pubes. Do they have stick-on hair for that too? Fake ‘staches are like the breast implants of the male world. They draw people in until they jiggle and slide around inexplicably, and then shit just gets uncomfortable. Mad Max: Are you suggesting we disband the high-end international jewelry thief career? They rely on the application and removal of pencil thin moustaches to get away with their crimes. It gives them the perfect alibi since people aren’t really that observant. Let’s be straight: If someone is interested in either growing or purchasing a moustache, they are probably getting into some nefarious activities. It’s why people feel the need to shave before interviews and court hearings. And with the long, hard dick of the law stretching wider by the year, there is only one way to effectively disguise oneself during drunken debauchery or espionage: a one-stop shop to the moustache department. Kitty Kat: C’mon, cheap disguises are so old school. Today all you need is a simple ski mask and a wiped cell phone record to get away with a crime, at least for a few weeks. Look how long Drew Peterson lasted … with a real moustache. Mad Max: What about the ladies? Maybe they would like the advantages of twirling an end of their moustache while they mull over a problem. At least the fake moustache gives them an option over your purely male dominated ideology. Kitty Kat: Ugh, trust me. Never going to happen. We have a whole head of hair to twirl for that. Conclusion: While both parties made very convincing arguments, there is no denying that a genuine, true-blue ‘stache could beat any Party City bullshit any day. The mustache is a symbol of manliness and pride, two things which cannot be artificially produced.
6.) Know the Scene You Want: You’ve got to know the setting you’re looking for, and where to find that atmosphere. Looking for a place to kind of start and talk to your friends? TTT’s. If you’re more of a fraternity or sorority person, 356 and Loose Change are the move. Want to dance? Well, hit up Wingin’ It or 356. For a combo, TD’s is the place to be. 5.) Meet Some Bouncers: Even though it may not seem like much, it’s a lot better when you don’t have to take your ID out and you can just give them a handshake and walk in instead. Plus, it makes you look like a badass. 4.) Know Your Prices and Specials: Broke college kids don’t have money to throw around, so know the specials. No reason to be spending extra when it’s $1 Busch night. Save money when you can, and as long as it gets you drunk, who cares what it was? Shameless plug: Download “The Black Sheep Mobile” and have all the specials in your hand. 3.) Layout: Know where to go to get your drinks inside the bar. Know where the cash bars in 356 and Wingin’ It are. Hit up the back bar at TD’s. Know where to go to save time and have less hassle; it really makes it more enjoyable. 2.) Half Shots: Everyone wants to look like a baller, but not everyone has baller money. You think you’re going to be a hot-shot and buy shots for you and your friends; then you get your bill: $42. All of a sudden you don’t feel so hot anymore. The cure is to buy half shots. Instead of buying eight SoCo kamikazes, buy four split eight ways. Your friends will never know, and you’ll still look like a baller bringing back eight shots. Stay scheming, shawty. 1.) Ride Home: You’ve got to have a plan for getting wherever you’re going, whether that be your apartment or a lucky someone’s whom you may or may not have met that night. As a last resort, choose the CatBus, even though it is absolutely shitty waiting on that thing late at night. But hey, it’s still better than passing out on a bench at Todaro’s.
Kevin Thomas wrote this
[PartyPics]
From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What are you most excited about for baseball season? “Definitely the tailgates, it’s like football tailgates but better because Leggett doesn’t give us much reason to go into the games.” - Patrick B.
“Considering I don’t go to the games, I’m going to go with the pants.” - Erica L.
“I’ve never been to a baseball game, but I’ve been to plenty of tailgates.” - Brian N.
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The Grid MONDAY! All you can eat sushi for $12.95
$9 House Liquor Pitchers All Night Monday - Saturday
FRI: Ladies Night! $2 Drink Specials No Cover Before 12 Ladies Free All Night!
WED: $3 Tequila, $8 Liquor Pitchers, $1.50 Bud Lights
thursday
$3.56 Sushi and $8.99 Wine Tasting
Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers $9 House Liquor Pitchers all night Monday - Saturday
College night! $2 Drink Specials $0.25 Rolling Rock No Cover w/ College ID
32oz Thursday! $5 32oz Margarita (Regular, Peach, Melon)
FRIday
$6 Pitchers $1.50 Mystery Beer $2.00 Mystery Mini Bottle
$9 House Liquor Pitchers, $2 House Liquor Shots, $2.50 Fireball Shots and $3 Jaegermeister Shots All Night Monday - Saturday
Ladies Night! $2 Drink Specials No Cover Before 12 Ladies Free All Night!
$3 Red Stag & $3 Capt. Morgan
Dance Party! $1 Jello Shots
$3 Pinnacle Flavors
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All food specials start at 4 pm $1 Beef, Blackened Chicken or Pulled Pork Tacos, $3.00 Nachos & Cheese, $5.00 Loaded Nachos (Add chicken, beef or pork for $1.00), $2.75 Lime-A- Ritas, $2 Tequila Shots, $1.50 for 7oz Coronitas or a Bucket of 8 for $9.50
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Wheel of Awesome and $1 Shots
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thursday
$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!
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Happy Hour! 4-8 All Week
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tuesday
Yeungs and Wings! $4.75 Yeungling Pitchers, $6.75 for a Dozen Wings and $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers
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bartender of the week Cathryn wingin' it Relationship Status: Single and ready to mingle. Major: Graphic Communications Favorite Drink: Tequila Sunrise- tequila, orange juice, and grenadine Favorite Shot: Pink Starburst- Dragonberry Bacardi, Watermelon Pucker, Sprite, sour What celebrity would you most like to punch in the face: Angelina Jolie, I’m team Jennifer. What is the worst pickup line you’ve heard on the job: “Will you Snapchat me?” Someone gave me Snapchat names on their receipt. If you could be a holiday, which would you be: St. Patty’s Day What event is craziest at Wingin’ It: Halloween What dead person would you want to bring back to life: Lil’ Wayne isn’t dead, and that’s all I really care about.
If you could have any superpower, what would it be: To read people’s minds. Who do you most want to have a tickle fight with: James Franco What’s one thing you never want your mom to know about you: Too bad I’ve gotten caught for everything I’ve done. Disney character you would most like to hook up with: Eric from The Little Mermaid During the time at your bar, about how many numbers have you gotten on the job: Too many to count. How many 4-year olds do you think you could take in a fight: I’m a lover, not a fighter. Favorite place to party: I am the party!
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
It’s that time again to take another classic game from your childhood and rework it into a beautiful piece of art. It’s time for Battleshots. Liam Neeson and Rihanna not included.
Sluts are easy and loved by all, except when they are screwing your significant other. These brownies won’t just bring joyous orgasms to every taste bud in your mouth, they’re also easy to make!
battleshots
What You’ll Need: 2 pizza boxes, 34 shot glasses, and various alcohol. Number of Players: Just two. Level of Intoxication: If your opponent knows the game, prepare to pass out. How to Play: - On each pizza box, draw two 10x10 grids on the inside top and bottom. Label the horizontal side A through J and the vertical side 1 through 10. - Fill all 34 shot glasses with different liquids (get those cheap plastic ones from Walgreens). They could be vodka, beer, rum, water, milk, juice, whatever you have on hand. Obviously fill more of them with alcohol than anything else. - Sit across from your opponent and open up your box. One by one, opponents select shot glasses to use on their board until both players have 17. - Each player arranges them like the ships in Battleship (one 5-shot glass aircraft carrier, one 4-shot glass battleship, one 3-shot glass submarine, one 3-shot glass destroyer, and one 2-shot glass patrol boat). - Players take turns asking if their opponent has a ship at a spot on the grid. For example, “Do you have a ship on E3?” If the player does, they must take the shot that is on that space. If not, the asking player marks on their empty 10x10 grid that they have already guessed that space and must take a sip of a side drink. - Players alternate turns. - If a player guesses a lot correctly, he does not get another turn. The Game Ends When: One player has sunk all of the other player’s ships. This game is best played when wearing cut-off t-shirts and sweatbands. Crank up some Metallica, too.
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slutty brownies
What You’ll Need: 1 package of cookie mix, 1 box of brownie mix, the ingredients those mixes require, 1 package of Double Stuf Oreos, a baking pan, and any additional add-ins you want (like chocolate chips, sprinkles, etc.). Cook Time: Just under an hour. Fatty Factor: You’ll be a big ol’ grenade when you’re done with these sweets. Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. - Make the cookie dough mix in a large bowl by following the directions on the back. Make them extra gooey by adding a teaspoon or two of vegetable oil. - Spread the prepared cookie mix evenly across the bottom of your pan. - Line up the Oreos in rows over the cookie dough, covering it completely. Don’t use the cracked Oreos; just eat those gems while baking. - In another large bowl make the brownie mix by following its directions. - Pour the brownie mix evenly over the Oreos. - Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, and when it’s finished let it cool. - If you have any, sprinkle your extra ingredients across the top of the brownies. - Slice ‘em up and stuff your face! Sluts are like doorknobs, everyone gets a turn! So make sure you share your brownies, fatty.
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we interview:
Big Gigantic
Dominic Lalli, saxophone extraordinaire of the acclaimed electronic jam band Big Gigantic (otherwise known simply as Big G) has been playing music his whole life. But when his project with drummer Jeremy Salkin started blowing up in the past two years, all he could really say is, "Wow." Other adjectives mentioned: crazy, overwhelming, fucking crazy, wow (again), funny, wild, and crazy (again). Be sure to check these guys out on tour all summer long, at a venue near you. The Black Sheep: How did you get started with the saxophone? With Big Gigantic? Dominc Lalli: I started playing saxophone in school, in band and all that, and then I ended up going to college and getting my master's degree in, pretty much, jazz performance, classical and jazz. I moved to New York and then Colorado, and started getting into DJs and electronic music. I started getting into producing and writing music, and just sitting in with electronic bands, I just naturally wanted to mix in the saxophone. TBS: So when you were listening to this electronic music, what made you think, "I want to put a saxophone with that?" DL: I had been playing music for so long, and the saxophone is kind of just my voice. It's just what I've always done. So I was producing music and then I wanted to start playing melodies, and then I wanted to do some solo stuff and then improvise over it all. TBS: Big Gigantic's sound is clearly a mesh of many different kinds of music. Who are some of your influences? DL: In the jazz world there's a lot of saxophone players, and I've been influenced by their sound and their song writing. You know, John Coltrane, Wayne Shorter, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock is a huge influence. I've also been influenced by a lot of hiphop and R&B, Kanye West and Jay-Z, and I grew up listening to a lot of Run DMC and Beastie Boys. And all the way through Radiohead and more rock and electronic type of stuff. Then, of course, everyone in the electronic world; Derek from Pretty Lights, my buddy Alex from Paper Diamond, Griz, Skrillex, all of those heavyweights. I'm learning from all of those people, and I'm stirring it all up. TBS: Who would be a dream to work with? DL: Herbie Hancock, he's just an amazing piano player. In the 70s he did really funky, spaced-out music with awesome melodies and really cool solo stuff. We're really into the music he writes, in that funky, electronic vein. If you heard some of his stuff, you could definitely hear his influence. TBS: You guys play a lot of festivals. Could you put a finger on some of the craziest? DL: Electronic Forest is definitely one of my favorites, the fans are pretty wild. Ultra last year was pretty wild, too. But seriously, Electric Forest is, like, how I came up throughout this whole thing. A few years ago, when it first started in 2008, when it was called Rothbury, I was playing saxophone for the guitarist of the String Cheese Incident's side project. I was in such awe, it was one of my first times at a festival and I was like, "Wow, I can't believe I'm really here." I ended up sitting in with all these different kinds of bands; it was really epic. The next year was when Big G just kind of got started, and we played Rothbury for free and I did a DJ set in the forest when it was just some boards set up and it was barely an official stage. I had never DJ'd before and I was so nervous and it was so funny. Then we ended up coming back, and last year we closed Saturday night and it was just great. TBS: How surreal was it, when four years ago you're playing on some janky stage to closing Saturday night on the main stage? DL: It's fucking crazy. It's just crazy! This last year, just every festival we played at, from Wakarusa to Bonnaroo, where we gave out thousands of these blow-up saxophones right before we went out, and just seeing all the fans, like, fist-pumping with these saxophones, it's just crazy shit. I've been playing music for so long and in so many different capacities, it's overwhelming in the best way possible. Just going out there and being like, "Wow." It's been a pretty wild ride. TBS: So how do you stay sane when you're touring and playing show after show? DL: I try to stay pretty focused, and keep in mind what's really real, you know, just what I'm working for. I just try to have fun and play music and stay in the moment and enjoy it, just kind of cruise through. TBS: Michelle Obama -- bangs or no bangs? DL: She seems a little emo with the bangs. It's cute though. TBS: Describe your perfect breakfast. DL: I love breakfast. You know, probably an omelette, cheddar cheese, definitely bacon, maybe some avocado. Some toast, coffee, and a large orange juice. TBS: Drink of choice? DL: Maker's Mark and ginger beer. Or ginger beer with tequila.
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
21 and Over In Theaters Friday, March 1
Smarty-pants and straitlaced Jeff Chang (Justin Chon) turns 21 the day before a crucial med-school interview. Jeff ends up getting mad drunk with his best friends because, duh, that's just what you do when you turn 21, and a night of "just one quick beer" turns into nakedness, screaming, and all around debauchery. Oops! From the writers of The Hangover, this movie should be at least amusing, if not relatable.
How to Destroy Angels - An Omen Released Tuesday, March 5
In 2009 Trent Rezor decided that Nine Inch Nails should "disappear for a while." Well, like any good addict who thinks they've given up the Perfect Drug, he's found something else in How to Destroy Angels. Fronted by his hot Asian wife, Mariqueen Maandig, similar NIN sounds remain, only, you know, with a hot lead singer. Again, it's NIN sounds with hot Asians involved. We love it long time.
Archer Thursday, March 7 at 10 p.m. EST on FX
In the newest episode of FX's brilliantly subversive show, Archer heads to the Mexican border to take care of a notorious coyote. No, he doesn't want the animal exterminated like a cyborg or crocodile, he needs to take care of a bossy immigrant smuggler. But wait, why not keep a few for housekeeping duties? Maybe if there wasn't an ant problem in the office, Mallory would let them use the break room again.
Guess this Dress!
oscar edition
Who were they? That doesn’t matter. What matters is who they wore. From Gucci to Oscar de la Renta, the glamour shone squarely on these lavish gowns. We’re asking you who wore what. The dresses are pictured below, and the answers are at the bottom of the page. Fab-u-lous.
a
B
c
D
E
F
g
H
Salma Hayek Jennifer Lawrence
Olivia Munn Charlize Theron
Kerry Washington Naomi Watts
answer key
A) Halle Berry B) Kerry Washington C) Charlize Theron D) Adele E) Naomi Watts F) Salma Hayek G) Jennifer Lawrence H) Olivia Munn
celebrity bank
Adele Halle Berry
Over a billion people watched the 85th annual Academy Awards, an audience slightly larger than the reach of The Black Sheep. While Ben Affleck will be sleeping off his champagne hangover for the next month, we know the real winners of the evening were the ladies who dressed to impress.
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Thanks for Playing: Black History Month! black sheep staff wrote this
page 13
Another February has come and gone and once again you’ve made it, white people! You can finally let go of the 28 days’ worth of guilt you’ve stored up and enjoy being yourselves again. Feel free to cross the street when a black guy in a hoodie is walking towards you or skip over BET. Go back to forgetting that every great moment in black history is also a horrible moment in white history. All the way from Rosa Parks (great moment for black commuters, terrible moment for white bus drivers) to Brown v. Board of Education (great moment for black students, terrible moment for white student athletes). However, let’s take a moment to look back on the things we learned this month. Mississippi ratifies the Thirteenth Amendment: Free at last boys and girls! Near the beginning of this month Mississippi finally became the last state to officially recognize the amendment that abolished slavery. It turns out they hadn’t ratified it because of a simple oversight made when they tried to officially ratify it … in 1995. It’s great to know that I could’ve legally been property before my fifth birthday. This wins Mississippi the longest grudge award within the United States. The whole nation got over Vietnam in roughly a decade. The Mississippi grudge ranks in the major leagues. We dropped two atomic bombs on Japan and firebombed Tokyo, but even the last Japanese soldier surrendered in the 70s probably saying, “Yeah, I figured it was time to move on and stop being a sore loser.” So thanks, Mississippi, for finally getting over it and admitting black people can’t be bought or sold, unless, of course, they’re prostitutes.
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Nation allows scariest black man alive to win the Super Bowl: Try to stare into Ray Lewis’ eyes for five seconds without puckering your butthole just once. Now tell us this isn’t a man who looks like he enjoys strangling his teammates for the fun of it in pre-game rituals. This is the man who led the Ravens to victory by the sheer terror he inflicts in his teammates. He was constantly vilified for having been involved in a murder, but he made America feel too much like a bitch to say it to his face. Just look at how uncomfortable the announcer was in the post-game interview when Lewis was only inches from his face, barking like a madman because he’s still hopped up on murderhate and rabies. He proved now that all it takes for a black man to win anything is to be too intimidating to say no to. Just looking back on all that, it can be said that this Black History Month was a huge success. Join us again next February when Jesse Jackson sues a full moon for not having a dark side!
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The LAPD proves it’s corrupt and brutal: Christopher Dorner wrote a manifesto about the LAPD using unnecessary force on people, and some other boring stuff we already knew. Our research team glued the story together based off what they read on Facebook statuses, and saw that he kind of proved his point. A manhunt was launched to find Dorner after he killed several LAPD police officers, and when the cops cornered him in a cabin they just proceeded to burn it down because fuck him, right? Who wants to go through due process when you can just set things on fire and mess with fate?
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the madlib: prepping for a pop show Yes, it’s finally here! I bought my ticket months ago, it only took ___1___ shifts at ___2___and a ___3___ or two to get the money for the tickets, but its going to be so awesome. Sure, I may be a ___4___ in college, but I’m the biggest ___5___ fan ever. None of my friends wanted to go, so luckily I can meet up with some fellow fans I met on ___6___. Who cares if they’re ___7___ or getting driven by their mom, who thinks it’s creepy I’m hanging out with them? Whatever, we are total ___8___-fanatics and that’s all that matters! I’ve got my outfit all ready, too. First, ___9___ crop top with ___10___-print fringes that I handmade, totally inspired by ___11___, she’s so perfect! Let’s not forget my ___12___ skinnys with my ___13___ pumps! Oh yeah, and my ___14___ nail decals, yum! My dad said I look like a ___15___ but I told him that I don’t even love him. And what’s a concert without a little ___16___ vodka and Four Loko? I’m fittin’ to get mad hype! I’m going to try to bring some in for my new friends, but I’m having Skype session with my boyfriend from ___17___ before I go, and I might need all the liquid courage I can get to actually talk to him this time! His English isn’t the best, and he sends me ___18___ pics and dead-___19___ pics, but that’s a cultural difference, right? Plus I want him to finally hear me sing ___20___ ballads, because I think I could be the next ___21___ and make thousands of dollars. Okay, ___22___-flavored lip gloss? Check! ___23___- perfume? Check! Extra pair of ___24___, in case I meet the band? Check! Well, here goes nothing, hopefully I don’t faint from all this liquor and caffeine!
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