The Black Sheep
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Vol. 3, Issue 5
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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10/17/13 - 10/30/13
HALLOWEEN Spooktacular Your Guide To
Trick-or-Treating in Clemson BY: Dan Collins It’s finally here, everyone’s favorite day of the year: Halloween. And of course, the best thing about Halloween is trick-or-treating. Many people think trickor-treating is only for children, but these people could not be more wrong. In fact, the tradition of candy-giving originated in 1821 when thousands of French peasants banged on the doors of the nobles and demanded food in order to stave off starvation. Despite massive peasant deaths, the nobles eventually gave in on October 31st, beginning the tradition of treat-or-beating (later changed to trick-or-treating) each Halloween. If those starving peasants were not too old to trick-or-treat, than neither are you. Here’s a guide from The Black Sheep on how to turn your Halloween night from Frankenstein to Franken-fine. As a college student, the biggest problem you’ll run into when trick-or-treating is looking too old. No one wants to see Lurch from the Addams Family at their doorstep when they’re expecting Little Bo Peep. However, if you’re able to convince everyone you are an early-maturing adolescent, you should be able to trick the candy barons into giving you candy anyway. In order to achieve such deception, purchase a costume that comes only in child sizes, and will therefore be absurdly small on you. Better yet, have your “mom” sew you a ridiculously small costume because “your lemonade stand didn’t make enough money for a REAL Wreck–It Ralph costume.” (Bonus points if you
say this with a lisp.) This way, with some slick-tongued persuasion you can convince them that you recently had an enormous growth spurt, which is why your costume looks so stupid. Also consider which child costume to pick. Your first instinct will be to pick your favorite childhood superhero or movie character (i.e. Buzz Lightyear). Don’t cave. It’ll be a dead giveaway, because your childhood heroes are now irrelevant and outdated. Instead, go with something more en vogue, such as a minion from Despicable Me, a college Mike Wazowski, or some gay unicorn that is presumably inevitably popular now. If you really want to drive home your identity as an appropriately-aged trick-or-treater to the candy barons, you need an I.D. that validates it. You shelled out 75 bucks for that 21-year-old I.D. that got taken the first time you tried to use it, so paying 50 cents for a library card that says you’re 12 should be no problem. Or, if you don’t have the money, just steal your younger sibling’s middle school I.D.and use that. Not only can you use this fake I.D. for trick- or-treating purposes, it can also get you a discount at a plethora of restaurants and movie theatres around the country. We hope this advice will be helpful to those in Clemson who are young at heart and want the magic of
trick-or-treating to last forever, but not to those who plan to use the tradition as an excuse to get closer to small children. And if none of this works, you can always just rob an unsuspecting kid and steal his candy, so it’s really a win-win. Lastly, if you really want to
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pages 10-11
The Top 10
The Black Sheep Interviews: Steve-O
Ways to Make Halloween a Pledge’s Worst Nightmare
leave Halloween a winner, show up to class the next day still wearing your costume. It’s the perfect power move to display your coolness, insinuating that you were up all night parting, or trick-or-treating, it really doesn’t matter which. Another win-win.
We chat with the infamous funny man about nut shots and YouTube.
• Keep Up With Us! • @BlackSheep_CLEM • theblacksheeponline.com •
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Bartender of the week Chelsea of TD’s thinks Nerds are totally underrated.