The Black Sheep
FR EE ea ... l tin ike g me the at pare on n go tal od gu fr ilt ida of y.
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 6 • 3/28/13 - 4/10/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_clem
clemson characters welcome Amanda Moore wrote this
Inside a treasure chest are prized possessions. We’ve all seen them, we all know of them, and frankly they’re hard to miss; Clemson Treasures – the people and items that are unique to Clemson’s campus. Horse Print Pink Jeep: The horse print pink Jeep appears all over Clemson. It looks like a stereotypical horse-obsessed girl decided to combine her animalistic idealization with her favorite clothing brand: Lilly Pulitzer. It’s trendy to customize cars with decals and monograms, but the horse print pink Jeep is the winning stallion in the race for being one of a kind. It’s hard to ignore a Jeep that appears to have been reared straight out of a Lilly Pulitzer sweatshop. Indiana Jones: He’s no Harrison Ford, rather a character straight off of The Big Bang Theory. Equipped with a wild west fedora and top hat, he lingers in Kinard Hall. His newest addition to this unrestricted adventurer style is going barefoot around campus. As soon as he acquires a whip – the last item he needs to complete his pulp action hero persona – brace yourselves for his latest release: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Death Valley. Mr. Mohawk: Game days breed Clemson pride, along with some unconventional expressions of Tiger spirit. Enter Scotty Haas – the man with a mohawk bigger than Kanye’s ego. With spikes as prominent as the ones on a medieval mace, he can be picked out of the 80,000 Clemson fans with ease. His orange game day mohawk is part of his lavish garnishes. Being a member of Central Spirit encourages his atypical punk rock hairstyle, which has landed him on TV. If you want game day recognition take a lesson from the mohawk: When in doubt, spike it out. Pierre Tong: “What do tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze?” The one to answer this question would be Pierre Tong, because he eats, breathes, and bathes in Clemson spirit. He might just be the ultimate Clemson fan. He has taken on the role of being an unofficial Clemson icon. Students tweet Pierre Tong so he can re-tweet their information just so it reaches a multitude of Clemson students. Pink Gorilla: This furry neon-pink gorilla costume was first spotted during pledge week in the fall. His luscious fur has been seen driving a moped and aimlessly meandering through campus. Some of the Clemson family have mistaken him for a pink tiger,
Splash! Clemson’s Best Pools Be careful where you get wet this summer.
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and then are shocked to find out that in fact he is a gorilla. This mascot proves confusing, yet entertaining. Lately he has been ambushing classes with his boom box, causing a ruckus with his monkey business. Shark Mouth Truck: Imagine Bruce from Finding Nemo on wheels mixed with a southern twang. A navy truck with Jaws’ mouth painted on the front rolls on to campus every morning. It’s an attempt at swagger, but leaves everyone wondering, simply, “Why?” It wouldn’t surprise anyone if it revved its engine and drove into Lake Hartwell, transforming into some sort of submarine. Who knows, it might be a modern-day Transformer, giving Bumblebee a run for his money. Snoop Dogg: Schilletter serves as a lounge for the most interesting of Clemson kin. Between the unidentifiable food and in-and-
what'’s inside
Top 10: Reasons to Support Same-Sex Marriage if only because your gay best friend’s wedding is going to be a total blast.
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out student traffic Schilletter never fails to supply dinner and a show. A glimpse of Snoop Dogg’s doppelganger can be seen loafing around the dining area on any given day. His uncanny resemblance to Snoop triggers “Drop it Like it’s Hot” in your head. We’re all waiting for Schilletter Snoop to make a cameo in Snoop Dogg’s latest music video. Being deemed a Clemson Treasure is like reaching college celebrity status. Clemson Treasures enable students to be in an interactive treasure hunt while roaming campus. Students use social media to post pictures of Clemson Treasure spotting; it took the Pink Gorilla less than a week to be featured in several video clips on Facebook. Without the special individuals who make mediocre days a little more entertaining, Clemson wouldn’t be the same. Quirky individuals aren’t discouraged at Clemson. Rather, characters are welcome.
Bartender of the week Rebecca from Tiger Town Tavern would like to take shots of Rumpleminze with Jim Morrison.
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contents page 5: TV Shows That Need to Happen The Top Chef: Serial Killer Edition.
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
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page 6: South Carolina’s Congressional Musical Chairs
Stephen Colbert’s sister is running in the Congressional election, which is almost as sweet as if Stephen himself were in the office.
Table of
pages 7: from the streets
with the football schedule released, what are you most looking forward to next fall?
page 11: Hipsterism: The Death of A Trend The term “Hipster” has gotten out of hand and it must come to an end!
page 12: Game of Thrones or Porn? It’s surprisingly hard to tell the difference between the two.
page 13: We Interview: The Black Angels Vocalist Alex Maas gives us a lengthy answer regarding psychedelic rock.
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word of the week Digestimation: The ballparking of an amount of food or
drink consumed in order to exaggerate or downplay the total intake. “In Seth’s digestimation he downed 74 chicken wings, but the way Paul remembers it, Seth ate closer to 30.”
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Splash! Clemson’s best pools kevin thomas wrote this It’s that time of the year again, folks. Warm weather is here, and it’s time to be “sitting pretty in Suntan City, with a cold in your hand,” as Luke Bryan would say. Here comes the hard part though, where do you go with all of your crew to tan, drink, and scope some skin until the sun goes down? With a myriad of pools scattered across our city, it’s certainly not the easiest decision in the world. Never fear! The Black Sheep is here to provide the good, the bad, and the ugly of warm weather pooldom. Top Tier Crawford Falls: The pool isn’t huge, but everyone loves to go here. There’s a solid amount of chairs available, which means you won’t have to get in the water if you’re afraid of catching what Mary Jane Rottencrotch left floating around. Most importantly, there’s plenty to look at, with a ton of attractive members of whatever sex you’re interested in at your eye candy disposal. Chimney Ridge: A big pool that is, sadly, always packed. Still, there’s an overabundance of chairs, and the folks at Chimney Ridge are always ready to party. Plus, you can play music for the whole pool off of your iPhone through the pool speakers. No one’s going to get tired of that, like, ever. Highpointe: A big pool with lots of space. The shallow area is a great place to sunbathe, and watch others do the same behind a slick pair of Ray-Bans. Oh, and did we mention there’s a lazy river? A LAZY RIVER, PEOPLE. Middle Tier The Reserve: This complex has two pools, and both always have a decent amount of sexy co-eds. Still, sometimes families show up there,
and that just makes your average college student feel bad while getting hammered and hitting on attractive pieces of ass. The Retreat: It’s a small pool, but you’re able to put lounge chairs in the shallow end so you can tan and be in the water at the same time. So, half point. Additionally, tons of beautiful people live here. These beautiful people are friends with other beautiful people, and they’ll bring their friends. If you didn’t catch our drift, the friends are also beautiful people. The Woodlands: Like The Reserve, Woodlands has two pools, and neither is too crowded. That said, there’s also some sketchy folks living around that way. It’s like you can feel them staring at you exposed skin with their binoculars. Not a good feeling. Bottom Tier Berkeley: A big pool with a fine amount of people, but the chairs at Berkeley absolutely suck. They’re black, and uh, ya know, black stuff gets hot in the sun. And not hot in the, “She must do a lot of squats for an ass like that” kind of way. The Summit: The pool at The Summit is nice and all, but it’s too hard to get to, what, with it being way in the back. Listen, we came here to drink beer and scope scantily-clad sexies, not to carry heavy things long distances, that’s what Fike’s for. Speaking of… Fike: There’s a few reasons why this is a bottom tier pool: First, it’s the school’s pool at the gym, so people are actually swimming in it. Secondly, it’s inside! A big part of the pool experience is tanning, so Fike is obviously not good for that. Thirdly, no alcohol is allowed. Fourthly, it doesn’t even matter what’s fourth, you’ve already decided
to never go there. Wild card Hart’s Cove: the Cove is a wildcard because it’s not really a pool, but you can go out on the lake! Everyone loves to go lay out on the dock and drink some Teddy Brewskis. We hope this ranking of the numerous pools around the Clemson area will help make your decision of where to spend your afternoons as summer weather rears its delightful head. Grab your friends, pop a top, and head out to the watering hole of your choice. We’ll see you guys out there at one of the top-tier pools, and if we do, you owe us a beer.
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TV Shows That Need to Happen: Top Chef: Serial Killer Edition tbs staff wrote this Ever since the premiere of Survivor back in the year 2000, America has been obsessed with reality television. Within that genre, the competition subcategory has done particularly well. Shows like American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, and Project Runway have given talented individuals the chance to skyrocket to fame and fortune by simply getting a camera shoved in their face. But let's be honest, we're all getting a little bit bored with that. It's been 13 long years of the same old shit time after time. We need to spice things up. This is where Top Chef: Serial Killer Edition comes into play. We've all seen a reality cooking competition. Usually the best part about it is salivating over the palatably photogenic masterpiece possible only on TV. Well what if the best part became watching people risk their lives? Take Hell’s Kitchen sans delicious food in a battle royale-style gauntlet. The format goes like this: get ten professional cooks to compete on the show under the false pretense of competing for the chance to open up their own restaurant. Little do they know that one of the ten contestants is actually a bloodthirsty serial killer. Sounds great already, right? Well it gets better. The chefs arrive at a new, state-of-the-art kitchen with the best (and sharpest) cooking supplies known to man. We prepare them for a standard, timed cooking contest in which they're supposed to show off their skills. Just as that competition is about to start, the lights go out. As they're
stranded in the dark with nothing to defend themselves but their spatulas and assorted cutlery, the serial killer is unleashed. One by one, she murders off each of the contestants until only one remains. The audience watches through a special night vision lens, authentically capturing the fear of culinary artists thrown in a struggle for survival. Will they put their cleaver-chopping skills to the gladiatorial test? Or will they cower in the face of danger? This is television at its finest. If the danger of a Hell’s Kitchen: Hunger Games (pun intentional) does not impress, then the world can at least ponder the gritty reactions of threatened human beings and revel in the whodunnit suspense when the lights come back on. Once the final contestant is facing the serial killer it becomes a showdown. Either the anxious chef kills the maniac or the maniac takes the victory. The victor collects the life insurance payout from each of the dead contestants. How is this possibly legal? We've forced each contestant to sign a conveniently dense 100-page contract with mostly nonsense information before the show, but it essentially signs over their entire life as well as any pets or children. If the novice chef defeats the serial killer, he or she will move on to the next show as the new serial killer. Like some horror movie plot twist, the trauma is sure to render them mentally unstable enough to doom others to a similar fate. At the end of the day, this show promises an enjoyable
FRIDAY IS LADIE’S NIGHT!
experience for every viewer. We'll laugh as the cooks wander helplessly in the dark; we'll cry as one chef gets down on his hands and knees and begs to cook another day; we'll swoon as two chefs band together as a team to defeat the serial killer, and we'll share a moment of silence as those two chefs die shortly after for foolishly drawing attention to their team effort. Television may be a field that is always changing, sometimes for better but often for worse. With this show we will restore faith in humanity and faith in a chef who is fit not only for the kitchen, but also for the chopping block.
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The
Top 10
theblacksheeponline.com
reasons to support same-sex marriage
Americans are waiting with bated breath to hear how the Supreme Court rules on two landmark cases about same-sex marriage. Equal rights, historically, are only a matter of time, but to the 42% of Americans stuck in their ways, this can be uncomfortable. We’ve prepared a little bright side list to help you get used to the idea of gay people being human beings. 10.) You Know Gay People: If you know ten people, statistics show you probably know a gay person. And they haven’t converted you to their gayness because 1) no one can sway your raging hetero and 2) gayversion isn’t a fucking thing. See? No threat. 9.) Marriage is the Ultimate Misery: If you’re determined to hate homosexuals, you should still support gay marriage. Nothing is better than watching your greatest enemy gain 30 pounds and play that Barbie movie for the 80th time for their snot-nosed, screaming offspring. 8.) You’re Icked Out by Gay Sex: Nothing kills libido quite like a wedding ring. The surest way to make sure gay sex doesn’t happen in your neighborhood is to let them get married.
South Carolina’s Congressional Musical Chairs Dustin Bertelsen wrote this The great state of South Carolina has become known for its involvement in national and regional politics, and this most recent election cycle has brought about a great deal of movement. Longtime Senator Jim DeMint stepped down, with South Carolina’s 1st District U.S. House Rep Tim Scott replacing him. This has left a special election for the district, which covers the majority of the coastal area of the state. There are rather interesting candidates on both sides running for this vacant spot. Clemson University has long been tied to the politics of the state. In modern times, Clemson graduates have gone on to serve the state in various political roles, including Clemson graduate, virulent racist, and one of the longest serving U.S. Senators ever, Strom Thurmond, who was a Pike at Clemson in his college days. This, of course, was before Pikes were nationally known for buttchugging Franzia. Also included in this fabled alum list is South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley, only the second Indian-American governor in the United States. It’s a bit amusing that Clemson would produce such madly different politicians, as Thurmond was famous for his… ahem… “segregationist politics”* and Haley ended up being the first non-Caucasian governor in the state’s history. *This guy really didn’t like black people. As for the Congressional election, on the Democratic side, Clemson University faculty member Elizabeth Colbert-Busch is running. She’s known by some for being the business manager of Clemson’s restoration institute in Charleston, but is better-known for being the sister of Stephen Colbert. With The Colbert Report on her side, suddenly Elizabeth has an awful big gun in her arsenal, that is, if her fellow Dem-e-crooks don’t outlaw ‘dem with that thur Second Amendment. Should she win the seat, it’d be almost as if
Stephen himself were in office, right? A man can only dream. Colbert-Busch’s campaign has taken hold on Clemson’s campus with the university’s Democratic group. For example, to get Democrat students to help with Colbert-Busch’s campaign, they were incentivized with an invitation to attend a rally hosted by her brother Stephen, with the possibility of meeting both Colbert-Busch and Stephen himself. This of course, is an effective method in reeling in votes, as Stephen Colbert is one of the most well-known political comedians, praised as a god by most politically-inclined college students.
7.) Best. Weddings. Ever.: Someday, Dean is going to marry Aaron on top of a mountain, and there will be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs! And they will dance until the sun rises! And if you stay close-minded about it, you won’t be invited! 6.) Jesus Wants You To: Remember that thing Jesus said about gay marriage? No? Well, maybe you’ll remember that thing he said about loving everyone, no matter what. Yeah, that sounds familiar. 5.) You Don’t Want to Be a Hypocrite: If you want to follow holy books, you have to follow ALL of them, not just the stuff that suits you. Are you quoting Leviticus in your online arguments about gay marriage? If so, you’d better be unshaven, kosher, only wearing one kind of fabric, shunning unclean women, enslaving people, sacrificing animals and pelting crippled people with rocks. 4.) They Make Great Parents: Straight couples have this thing where they can accidentally make babies even if they don’t even want them. Gay couples can’t make babies. They have to go through different channels, all of which are difficult and expensive. That’s a level of commitment you won’t find on Teen Mom. When a same-sex couple has a kid, it’s because that leaky, screamy, stinky little human is wanted and loved. 3.) It Doesn’t Affect You: You know what Canada, Norway, Israel, New York, Sweden, Belgium, Brazil, Denmark, Maine, Mexico, Holland, Argentina and Washington fucking DC have in common? A distinct lack of divine judgment. 2.) Easier to Identify: Gay people are among you. You might recognize them by their humanoid features, their lack of demonic powers and their opinions about Michigan weather, but more often not. Married couples, though, are super easy to pick out of a crowd.
On the other side of the aisle is infamous former South Carolina governor, Mark Sanford. Don’t remember him? In 2009 he’s the guy who copped to running away to Argentina with a mistress to have some wild, kinky sex. He…well, he didn’t win reelection with that one. Now out of government, Sanford looks to work his way back in with a primary platform that promises Argentinean lovers to every single South Carolina citizen. While South Carolina has become known for being primarily a red state in recent election cycles, whether or not Sanford will be able to overcome this great obstacle generated by his governorship will only be answered come election day in the Lowcountry. This game of political musical chairs in South Carolina gives this state and its land grant university a chance to make a statement. Do they stay red and elect a Republican, in spite of a sexual past that’s against most any conservative stance, or do they make a shocking switch to blue and elect a democrat, the sister of Stephen Colbert? How will this person do in such a volatile and divided political climate? Will this new congressman channel his or her inner Kevin Spacey and become one of the strongest politicians in the country? Only time will tell.
1.) It’s Going to Happen: Historically, freedom has always won out in America. We freed the slaves. We let women vote. We gave black Americans equal rights. We saved interracial marriage. Same-sex marriage is going to happen, and unless you start getting used to the idea of two consenting adults in love, in five years you’ll find yourself on the wrong side of history with the KKK.
tbs staff wrote this
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From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
With the football schedule released, what are you most looking forward to next fall? “The top 10 showdown and Gameday being here.” - Matt D., Senior
“Opening the season with a big SEC win on national television.” - Brett H., Senior
“Watching Tajh go for 400+.” - Tim L., Senior
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bartender of the week Rebecca s. tiger town tavern Relationship status: In a relationship Major: Therapeutic Recreation Hometown: Clemson, SC Favorite drink to make: Vodka and cranberry juice Favorite shot: Rumpleminze Least favorite drink to make: Manhattan Least favorite shot: Mini beers Best event at the bar: Wheel of Awesome Batman or Superman: Superman
Favorite TV Show: American Horror Story Boxers or briefs: Boxers Celebrity that should crawl in a hole: Tom Cruise Guilty pleasure: Vanderpump Rules Best vacation spot: Costa Rica Favorite animal: Dog If you could go back in time, what period would it be: 1840s If you could bring back a dead historical figure, who would it be: Jim Morrison
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hipsterism: the death of a trend
page 13
tbs staff wrote this
It’s time that we laid the term “hipster” to rest. Its uses have stretched so far and so wide that it has lost all meaning. It started as a fashion trend, a hybrid of grunge and skate, but has now branched off into a scene of its own. From clothing to music, from drinking pleasures to smoking habits, the hipster movement has grown into a behemoth so large that it has become the new mainstream. It is another passing trend and nothing more. Once again, a generation’s struggle for nonconformity has conformed them all. Such are the tides of popular culture. With each rising wave that crashes upon the shore, new sea treasures are surfaced and scattered across the sands. A new craze begins, the tides recede, and more salty treasures are brought from the stream to the sea. It all started with a man sporting his hot new Wayfarer Ray Bans, a freshly trimmed mustache, and a hand-selected outfit from his local resale shop. On his side was a woman with a matching pair of shades, modeling a flowing grandma dress, rouge lips, and combat boots. They strutted out of the liquor store and onto the street hand in hand while sucking on buds and carrying a 30 pack of PBR. As they passed by, the people scoffed and stared, but secretly dug their musty, retro vibe. And so, millions of teens across the U.S. of A. started asking their mothers and fathers for hand-me-down wears, and the old vinyls that were kept in the attic. The fashion and music of the 80s and 90s were resurrected from their dingy and glittery tombs. As the record spun, the sounds of Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself” traveled through the headphones, and the pseudo-nonconformists of the past were born anew. Celebrity culture caught wind of revival, the disease spread, and the inflicted were given a name—hipsters. It’s funny to look back on all the trends of past decades and compare them to the qualities commonly identified with the hipster. With a vintage swag, a grunge attitude, and a “white trash” partiality to beer, the hipster is a conglomeration of multiple trends and styles. The name itself means a person who is “hip” with the latest trends and fashions. It is a word that encapsulates the quintessence of “being in the know,” which would seem paradoxical to the stereotypical attitudes carried by the scene’s followers. To its credit, the hipster movement, or hipsterism, has sprouted new mom and pop coffee shops across the nation and has been the saving grace for the starving musician. Thrift stores have enjoyed the increase
in business, and the charities which many non-profit resale shops help fund are extremely thankful. What began as a fashion trend has evolved into a persona and a lifestyle, both of which have been brought under much scrutiny due to their vaguely leftist doctrine and the pontificating ways in which those associated with the movement conduct themselves. Hipster has been associated with many negative connotations, some of which are justified. Anyone who makes a condescending remark about your preference for non-free trade coffee is so bigheaded that it makes their fedora look more like a yarmulke. But an asshole, whether it’s a jock, nerd, or a hipster, is still just an asshole. We mustn’t let stereotypes guide our judgment. We all have at least a few “hipsteresque” qualities that cyclically come with being a part of a generation. Everyone holds their taste in music, fashion, and art to be the best that had ever been, but it is not what sets us apart from the rest. So knock it off with the elitist talk, and quit whining about your shallow, pointless grievances with the preferences of others. To quote Bomb the Music Industry: “the shit that you hate don’t make you special.” Just as the trends before it, the hipsters must come to an end. There were the greasers of the 50s, the hippies of the 60s, the disco jocks of the 70s, the new wavers of the 80s, and the grungers of the 90s. The hipsters’ days are numbered, and soon they too, like all the others, will melt under the beam of the limelight and join those before them behind the curtain.
find the answers at theblacksheep onilne.com/got
y Welcome to z
Game of
hrones
1 or 2
porn?
People complain internet porn is re-wiring our generation's brain to not care about the story, but Game of Thrones is like, 60% story! And the other 40%, well, the other 40% gives us an excuse to watch two ladies goin’ at it on the big screen in the living room like the good lord intended. Can you recall which of these scenes is from GoT and which is from a porn you won’t admit to having watched?
1) Shot from a voyeur’s perspective, a naked woman is thrusting reversecowboy on top of a man. The camera then zooms out to reveal the voyeur isn’t the viewer, but a man receiving oral from a shirtless woman while spying on the two people having sex.
3)
The scene opens to a shirtless brunette girl in a see-through dress straddling the lap of another woman. She asks the other woman if she has ever kissed another girl, to which she says no, it had never crossed her mind. The girl then strips off her seethrough dress and begins taking the other girl’s clothes off. They kiss, get naked, and kiss some more.
5)
A man is put in an awkward situation when his best friend’s sister enters his room. He’s not sure what to say, so he compliments her dress. She says she likes it too, but like it better “this way,” and proceeds to take her top off. He is awestruck, and fumbles around for his words as she reaches down his pants and kisses him all naked-like. When he’s too nervous to get it up, she asks if he’d like her brother to join in the fun.
7) In a steaming hot tub, a skinny shirtless brunette straddles
the lap of a man with long blonde hair. The two are merely chatting about historical events, surely just sharing a tub. But soon the subject matter of the man’s conversation alone begins to make the girl climax, and the two engage in steamy hot tub sex.
9)
A well-dressed man sits in his fancy office awaiting word from one of his workers. In walks a blonde woman in a skimpy dress to “alert him of some pressing news.” He doesn’t care too much about the news though, especially after she props herself on top of his table and straddles him with her legs. Despite the impending news from his attendants, the two engage in a long, sexual adventure.
11) A midget stands tall while receiving an intense blow job from
a large-breasted redhead. Just before he finishes the two move over to the bed to take things up a notch, but they’re quickly interrupted when the midget’s brother busts into the room. The brother doesn’t seem to mind what he is witnessing, and proceeds to invite three more shirtless women to climb into the midget’s bed.
2)
A man lays injured in his bed, when an attractive woman walks in to nurse his wounds. She inspects his body starting with his head, looking for any abrasions or swelling. She comes across some major swelling at his waist. She pulls down the sheets to reveal the source of the swelling, and decides the best way to alleviate the swelling is immediately, with her mouth.
4)
It’s a stormy night. A voluptuous redhead in a robe walks into a war room, demanding to talk to the general alone. She starts with innocent conversation, but quickly moves to rubbing his loins. At first he denies her, saying he has a wife who he loves, but she eventually wins him over after dropping her robe to the ground. He proceeds to lay her out over the war table, knocking all the pieces off as he pounds away.
6)
In a dark dungeon a woman confronts a man who is tied up to a post. The man is blindfolded and seems to have been down there for a while, but the woman shows no mercy and whips his bare chest. Though at first she seems to be his enemy, things quickly turn around as she begins rubbing her ass into his lap.
8)
A man walks into his room to the surprise of two naked women waiting for him. They say they’ll do anything he demands of them. He decides to tell them to start on each other, and sits back to watch the two girls perform oral on each other. Soon he decides to heat things up by having one girl spank the other. As he gets more excited, he tells one to use a belt on her while he watches, telling them to hit harder. Finally, he picks up a thick black post and watches as they scream (in pleasure?)
10)
Looking through a peephole, the camera shows many women running around naked, and innocently undressing. Soon, however, the man looking through the peephole is caught by a naked woman when she lays her hand on his shoulder. Instead of scolding him, though, she pushes him to the ground and proceeds to have sex with him.
12)
A boy is visiting his friend when his friend’s mom walks in. She tells him his friend will be just a moment, and asks if he’d like anything while he waits. Before he responds, his friend’s mom is sitting very close to him on the couch with her arm gently resting on his lap. He nervously asks for something to drink, to which she takes her shirt off and starts undoing his pants.
13) Open scene to a room full of naked women. Two in the corner
14) Upon entering his chambers, a man finds the woman
15)
16) It’s a dark night in a candle-lit room. A giant man with bulging
are boisterously going at it. A man wanders in, but instead of joining in, starts to direct them on what to do to each other, and how to do it. As he speaks to them, the two women twist into several different positions before climaxing.
In the hull of a pirate ship, a maiden is at the mercy of her capturer(s). She insists she is uncertain of where her rich father’s treasures are, but offers to provide booty of a different kind. The men inquire as to what kind of booty she is talking about, and the woman says “a treasure her father values greater than all of his gold,” and drops her dress to the floor.
who was supposed to be watching over his children bare naked in his bed. He asks what’s going on, stating a person of her stature has no business being in his bed, let alone naked. She asserts that he not worry about paying her, Her supple beauty entrances him, however, and the two engage in… all sorts of sexual deeds.
muscles lies in bed awaiting a small, pale skinned blonde. Just as he’s about to have his way with her, pushing her face into the pillows, she pushes him back into the bed and gets on top, dominating him for the rest of the scene.
one very long answer from
Alex Maas, Vocalist for The Black Angels This past week The Black Sheep was fortunate enough to sit down with Alex Maas, vocalist for Austin-based psych rock group The Black Angels. Normally we have a nice back-and-forth conversation in which we ask questions and get answers. Sure, that happened, but the first question we asked Alex turned into a sprawling sixminute epic that deserves to stand on its own. Their new album, Indigo Meadow hits the world on April 2nd, followed by a national tour. If you like this answer, you’ll like them. Give ‘em a whirl. The Black Sheep: Psychedelic rock is a very specific sub-genre. What attracted you to it in the first place? What led you to it? Alex Maas: I mean it was basically the music we were the most drawn to. The music we were most interested in came from the late-60s era, and obviously people have hinted at that sound ever since that era came to a close. The [13th Floor] Elevators kind of claimed to coin the term “psychedelic rock n’ roll,” they were the first to put those two things together. But psychedelic music has been around since the dawn of time, right? Think about a tribe of people in the forest, and shamans taking them on a journey, a story about many generations—educational stories that their fathers had learnt over the years. That’s it, the first spiritual story that you’re telling someone through music. That concept—the storytelling concept—is intriguing in itself, whether you put “psychedelic” on it or not really isn’t the point. The idea that people refer to it—the psychedelic scene—as psychedelic, to me it’s less about the music and more about how the music makes you feel. It’s the sonic alchemist approach that we’re doing, where we’re trying to make the guitar sound like something else. Like, “What is that? Is that a guitar, or is that a helicopter?” That’s really interesting to me. You can talk about this being experimental music, or whatever, but to me the root of it is rock n’ roll. It’s not bar rock. There’s a difference, you know, between that white bar rock kind of thing and psychedelic rock. One of the main differences is, the feeling musicians have on stage, and the listener gets when listening to the music, so it’s always been about the music being a spiritual thing for us. It’s a sonic journey we take someone on. If it’s a different night we’ll take you on the same journey, but in a slightly different way.
entertainment-y things to Game of Thrones: Season 3 Premiere Sunday, March 31st at 9pm on HBO Boobs, swords, midgets, magic, dragons. Boobs, swords, midgets, magic, dragons. Boobs, swords, midgets, magic, dragons. Boobs, swords, midgets, magic, dragons. Boobs, swords, midgets, magic, dragons. Boobs, swords, midgets, magic, dragons. Boobs, swords, midgets, magic, dragons. Need to know anything else?
For me, psychedelic music has this visual thing that happens, and it’s more a spiritual experience than anything. That’s not to say other music can’t be psychedelic, it can—delta blues can be psychedelic, that 1920s or 30s style blues, that twangy, swampy guitar sounds like a bumblebee coming. That can be psychedelic. It can be soulful and moving. It’s coming from this soulful spot. The music makes us feel, and that’s why we’re drawn to it. And at the end of the day the goal is to translate this visceral experience through sound.
The reason I think I’m drawn to it, basically, is I think it has a little more soul to it. That’s why I keep referencing indigenous tribes, both currently and in the past. They are telling stories with the music, that’s why I play the music. If [I’m seeing] any band is playing music, I like to think where I am in that scenario, where the music takes me, whether it’s the Balkan Mountains in the 1930s, or wherever.
the big three
keep your eye out for.
Rilo Kiley Rkives out april 2
Cold War kids Dear miss lonelyhearts out april 2
These indie rock cutie-pies led by all-around perfect Jenny Lewis broke up back in 2011, as the nation sighed an exasperated sigh. If these kids couldn't make it, who could? Luckily for us, their latest release, Rkives, is a compilation album of previously released rarities and unreleased material, and we'll take anything we can get. Check out "Let Me Back In" and sigh at how cute the music video is. Ah, love springs eternal!
Arguably, Cold War Kids peaked early with their phenomenal 2006 debut album Robbers & Cowards, but have since steadily declined in the quality and originality of their music. But we like to see the glass half-full around here, and keep holding onto hope that they'll surprise with some more awesome tunes. Youtube has a few album teasers, and they sound pretty good to us.
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the crossword: super mario world Across 1) Five Yoshi coins gets you a free this 3) BFF Dinosaur 5) The Forest of _____ 7) It’s-a me! 9) The flavor of the 3rd world 10) Dumb jocks 13) Lakitu flies on this and throws shit at you 15) The Princess of this fruit 16) To get to the Special World, you have to beat this world 17) Blargg will be found
creeping in this hot, red mess 18) A caterpillar that’s yellow, until it gets mad Down 1) Brother from another plumber 2) Great Demon King Koopa 4) If you look at these guys, they won’t bother you 6) Bowsers minions 7) These are indestructible species of Piranha plants 8) Yellow and purple arch rival of Mario 10) The flavor of the world before Valley of Bowser 11) Getting a feather will give you this 12) This world has levels called “Tubular” and “Groovy” 14) Pokey is the guardian of this type of terrain
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the madlib: April Fools’ day Dude, __1__ just left and I’ve been planning an April Fools’ Day prank that’ll have him shitting in his pants. It’ll be even better than last year, when we convinced him it would be a good idea to __2__ his __3__ to his __4__.
1) Name of a man 2) Verb 3) Body part 4) Different body part 5) Same name as 1 6) Number 7) Drug 8) Band or musician 9) Animal 10) Weird name 11) Same name as 1 12) Food
13) Gross item 14) Futuristic thing 15) Campus building 16) Mythical creature (plural) 17) Imaginary land 18) Color 19) Mythical creature 20) Same as 19
go tigers!
go tigers!
he’s really eating __13__, which will totally freak him out. After, we’ll take him outside. When he starts getting handsy with strangers we’ll warn him that people are actually __14__, so he shouldn’t touch them. Finally, we’ll lead him to the roof of __15__, where the plan comes to Okay, are you ready to hear this mind-bending fruition. flash of genius? Here’s what we’re going to do: We’re going to make __5__ kill himself. I’ve Once we’re on the roof we’ll let him know we’re been saving these __6__ hits of __7__ I picked actually __16__ from __17__, and he’s destined up at the __8__ concert I attended last summer to save our planet from certain destruction. just for this occasion. We’ll let him know the only way he’ll be able to save us is by catching a __18__ __19__ that’s Here’s how we’re going to do it: First, we need supposed to appear any minute. Just then, to convince him that he’s actually a 12-foot tall we’ll throw an inflatable water toy off the roof, __9__ named __10__. Trust me, __11__’s weird, scream “It’s a __20__!” and see him plummet so convincing him won’t be too hard. Once he to his death. really starts to feel it, let the games begin. We’ll feed him a bunch of __12__, but we’ll tell him It’s going to be so hilarious, man.