The Black Sheep
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Volume 3, Issue 3 9/27/12 - 10/10/12
Why the Rest of the ACC Hates You Chris Dart wrote this
The ACC is always on the outside looking in, as far as college football goes. True, we had two teams in BCS Bowls last year, with Virginia Tech and our own Clemson playing in the Sugar Bowl and Orange Bowl, respectively. But, as usual, the ACC failed to capitalize on our big break as we went 0-2 with a blowout loss by the Tigers at the hands of those inbred West Virginia Mountaineers. And even though this year we will all be hoping that an ACC team makes it big and puts our conference on the map, at the end of the day we will all still hate each other’s guts. And here’s why… Boston College – You guys suck. You’re way the hell up in Boston just rubbing our faces in the fact that everyone else has to travel a good couple hundred miles to play you in “wicked cold” weather. You guys have only ever brought us Matt Ryan and Doug Flutie and a whole bunch of colds. Just go to the Big East already! Clemson – We’re perfect. Get over it. Next. Duke – We get it, you’re a basketball school. And that’s evident. Over the last two seasons, your football team has won a grand total of 6 games. Sammy Watkins could have gotten more that 6 wins by himself! Add in the fact that you cursed us with Kyle Singler’s skeleton face, and it’s no mystery why we all hate you. Had it not been for your douchey basketball team winning and your high GPAs, we would have gotten rid of you a long time ago. Florida State – Of all the ACC schools, we may all hate you the most. Not because you guys have been the only ACC team to win a national championship in recent memory. Not because you have the all time winningest coach in Division I history. Not because you guys get to play home games in 70-degree weather when we’re all freezing our tits off midNovember. We hate you guys because we’re not the school with all of these accolades. Add in the fact that you guys tease us every year with a top-10 pre-season ranking only to finish 9-4, and that is why every ACC school wants to see you in the Big 12.
Five Students You Will Sit Next to in Class
This is assuming you attend five classes, of course.
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Georgia Tech – This one is personal. Ya’ll stole John Heisman from Clemson way back in 1904. You ruined our undefeated season last year. You lead the all-time series 50-25-2. You really are just a pesky bug to Tiger fans. The rest of the ACC hates you, because despite your continuous success within the ACC, you haven’t won a bowl game since 2004! That’s pathetic! The good news is that 80 percent of your student body doesn’t even know what football is. Maryland – The odd man out of the ACC. Without a true ACC rival, the Terps are just another bump in the road for the good ACC football schools. Terp fans think they have the next big thing year after year after year. But in reality, they go 2-10 one year, then 9-4, then back to 2-10 (2009-2011). Then they have the audacity to come out wearing the world’s most outrageous uniforms in history. They actually look like Ronald McDonald made them while he was on LSD. As if you weren’t hard enough to watch already.
what’s inside
Overly Specific October Horoscopes Well, about as specific as every other horoscope.
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Miami – Miami is like the ACC’s ridiculously strong, athletic brother who has severe learning disabilities. The 2001 National Champions promised to bring the ACC to college football’s national stage when they joined the conference in 2004. Instead, they have sucked. Various NCAA violations have turned this once great football program into an ACC Average Joe. The worst part is, they always seem to put together one of the best recruiting classes in the nation every single year and never do anything with them (unless you count jail sentences). The ACC hates Miami the most, because despite having all the ingredients to be great, they haven’t even won a conference championship since they won the Big East in ‘04. Bust! North Carolina State – Similar to Duke, UNC is a basketball school. So much so that they have to commit recruiting violations out the butthole from 2008-2009 just to produce CONTINUED ON PAGE 13
Are You Harry Potter or Are You Just Drunk? Why can’t it be both?
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