The Black Sheep
F cr REE us ... h y lik ou e t r r ear oo s o mm f j at oy e i af n ma ter rio you ka rt
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 2 • 2/21/13 - 3/6/13
theblacksheeponline.com @theblacksheepUD
omigod IT’S LIKE, RUSH SEASON, SOURCES SAY Sir Jason Hewett wrote this
So like, sources have like confirmed that like one of those recent studies or whatever is showing that people coming out for rush week is up by like 100,000,000,000,000%. Wow, that’s a lot of zeroes… is that even a number? So anyway, like, there have been A LOT of people coming out for rush week, and that means that like sororities are getting BIG at UDel. Like, so big that my women’s studies teacher, Jeanne Sheats, said this to us in class the other day: “Let me tell you something. Sororities are a huge step forward for women’s rights. When I was in school, drinking beer and being an asshole were only for the guys in fraternities. Nowadays you see women can do the same types of things men can do, and sometimes we even do it better.” So yeah that’s totally true because like, Professor Sheats knows what she’s talking about. She has a freaking master’s degree. Wow, like, how long did she go to school, forever?! Well actually that probably would have been pretty awesome because she would have got to go to all those parties and stuff. Lucky bitch. Ugh no… actually it wouldn’t have been that great. That would mean she would have to deal with all those annoying freshmen every year, and those awkward super seniors that always hang out at Brad’s house. Um, gross! Oh my God, that reminds me: did you know that the reports say that like, girls who are rushing can’t go to parties. I know like, two weeks without drinking—I would be like kill me now. I mean I could do it, but it’s the beginning of the semester. I just spent like the whole winter session doing nothing and I don’t even have anything to do for my classes, so I’m going to go out. I don’t know why they’re doing it like this. My big told me it was different when she rushed. My big was like, “Um, when I was a freshman, they made us drink a lot during rush week, but then some freshman like, died from alcohol poisoning so the university made them stop doing it. I was like ‘wow, bitch, way to ruin it for everyone else because you can’t handle your liquor’.” The President of Greek Life at UD was all like “We’re just trying to make everyone safe while they have fun.” Whatever, dude. Some girls like this one freshman named Chelsea Clarkson still think it’s fun, though: “Well like, I love shopping, especially for new outfits when it’s like, my parents’ money, so anyway this should be a really cool experience, like I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to try it because it’s still your parents’ money.”
Groundbreaking Study
Clarkson also added that, just like clothes, it’s important to try friends on before buying them: “I want to know which group of girls are the right fit for me, because I hate drama and I do not want to deal with that like at all. Like period,” she said. Oh my God. Like, I swear everyone like, says that, but I’m totally betting you that like half of these girls love drama. And like experts are saying the increase of like rushes has made it even worse. “Oh my God ,this one girl who was rushing for us was being such a slut,” said Carly Jayrepson, president of Alpha Delta Delta. “We
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all knew she was just doing it for attention. It was like, we all go to this party and I’m like honey, please, he’s been hooking up with everyone. Why don’t you go make that everyone except you.” So like yeah, there’s going to be a lot more sorority sisters this year, so like oh my God, we are going to get so many noise violations this year, it’s like seriously a problem. I’m going to need so much Starbucks this semester because I am like, never going to sleep. Like, it’s already bad enough now when we’re rushing, just like imagine what it will be like when we start drinking. WOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Love Letter to Elena Delle Donne Her game is hot, she’s super tall, and we love the way she can handle a ball.
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