Volume 8
The Black Sheep
FRE som E! Lik e sl e sna eep gg in c ing lass ...
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Issue 5
A THOUGHTFUL CRITIQUE OF UD BATHROOM STALL GRAFFITI Matt Roarty wrote this
At The Black Sheep, we are not only cutting-edge, paradigm-shifting journalists and thought leaders — we’re also sensitive, cultured consumers of the world. To that end, we have spent the greater part of a poop analyzing the graffiti in the Perkin’s men’s bathroom, the second stall from the right, in an attempt to understand what these modern-day Emily Dickinsons have to tell us. Who are these collegiate Banksies, and how do you pluralize Banksy?
420 Boosie
The Poop-Seeing Eye
Negative Pressure Sucks
Werd U Drunk
Legalize Weed
Here we see a piece that seems unfocused at first, only to reveal itself as an intricate work of social commentary, as many of the subsequent stencils we examine will be. The key here is the “Free Lil Boosie” exhortation, a reminder of rapper Lil Boosie’s incarceration in 2009 for marijuana possession. To the left is 420 grafted onto a right angle, telling us that cannabis is, indeed, all “right.” The 0 in 420, further, is a magnifying glass, asking us to look closer not only on Lil Boosie’s controversial arrest, but also at the greater unjustness of the War on Drugs.
To the left of the previous piece is this biting political critique of the surveillance state. The Seeing Eye triangle is a clear reference to the pyramid on the back of a dollar bill, symbolizing the government. It is always watching you, even, as the words below cleverly point out, in your most vulnerable position. If you look back to the previous piece, you’ll notice another triangle, but this one with a downward-pointing arrow. The two triangles complement each other, and the down arrow reflects the downward state of our country, in this case literally into the shitter. “The government is dirty,” the artist seems to be telling us, like the harkening of Gabriel’s trumpet. “Our system is not clean.”
On the door of the stall facing the occupant, you are greeted with another play on the eye motif. On one hand, this only reinforces the CCTV-esque aura that the previous work explained. But it also expresses several unique dynamics. The “Negative Pressure Sucks” in the upper right implicates not only the US but also Russia (in the upper-right of a world map) for their Orwellian tactics, as well. It reflects a broader critique of the world order; the eyes in general reflect the Illuminati New World Order, but dualistically remind us to be watchful of challenges to our liberty. The line looping leftward from the right side of the eye also mimics a spiral, indicating the hypnotic effect that the shallow securities of a totalitarian regime have on us. The very thought of a New World Order, however, inevitably reminds us that our greatest threat is not a 1984-like scenario, but instead Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, in which we become slaves to our own pleasures. Truly this is a piece of staggering insight and bravery.
Most noticeable here is the “UDrunk?”, challenging the reader to examine their own awareness of the themes mentioned above. The interlocking U and D implicate the University of Delaware, too, in this deception. We are not only drunk individually, and in the physical sense, but institutionally as well. We are morally drunk. The bastardization spelling of “word” as “werd” to the left is but one example of this. Our spiritual intoxication has led us to manipulate language to our own selfish ends. We are attempting to change words to werds, a form of communication that deceives its audience to keep the rich and powerful safe.
On the right side of the stall, this simple installation piece thematically ties together all the previous pieces, reminding us of Lil Boosie, the dangerous and crushing power of the surveillance state, and the hampered moral sobriety of the viewer. It also asks us to legalize weed.
PAGE 7
PAGES 10-11
TOP 10: THINGS WE NEED ON MAIN STREET
THE QUIZ: WHAT SHOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR MAJOR TO NEXT YEAR?
DON’T WE ALL JUST WANT A PUPPY AND KITTEN CENTER? YES...YES WE DO.
WE ANALYZE EVERY PART OF YOUR LIFE AND HELP YOU DECIDE!
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APRIL 8TH, 2015 - APRIL 21ST, 2015
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PAGE THREE THE BLACK SHEEP’S LEGENDARY
WORD OF THE WEEK
80s CARTOON CHARACTER PORN STAR NAME?
PINTURNT UP When a girl makes all the booze recipes she finds on Pinterest and gets completely plastered.
HONDO MACLEAN
Becky made 8 cosmos, 3 martinis, and 5 rainbow colored shooters last night. She was so pinturnt up!
CAN YOU GUESS THE CELEBRITY BACK?
THE BATHROOM GRAFFITI CUTOUT Know of a bathroom stall that needs some pizazz? Cut this out, stick in a bathroom stall, snap a pic and #Sheepffiti and we’ll send you a prize!
@BLACKSHEEP_UD
PAGE 4 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
SAVE ME!
Prayer Group In Trabant Makes Everyone Uncomfortable Paul Mooney wrote this
A Bible study on campus had a prayer meeting at one of the large booth tables in Trabant last Tuesday, creating an air of awkwardness that reached everyone around them within a twenty-foot radius. “Ugh,” said onlooker Victoria Jackson, upon seeing the praying students. “It’s not that I’m annoyed by religious people, it’s just that I like to eat my chicken nuggets without watching everyone lift their hands and pray over Sarah’s math test or whatever.” Students often claimed that it wasn’t the religious activity itself that made them uncomfortable, but rather the intimate setting of a Bible study being conducted in such an open place. “I don’t care what they do in their own homes or in church,” said Ryan Simmons. “I was raised Catholic, it’s just the fact that this really personal activity is happening right next to me,” he explained. “Like when that girl started shaking around and speaking in tongues, I just felt like that’s something that should stay in private, you know?” “I am Azazel, demon of the underworld!”
screamed sophomore Sally Day, while violently seizing and foaming at the mouth. “I shall wield this human vessel and bring Lucifer back to earth to reign for a thousand years of darkness!” she added. “It’s not that they’re praying. I’m totally fine with that,” said David Gregg. “It’s just, like, when she starts flailing around and everyone grabs her and holds her down on the table while she screams prayers in Latin and manifestos from the Eternal King of the Inferno that I feel kind of awkward. Like, it’s a public place, so they can do what they want, but don’t I have the right to feel comfortable too?” Many students in Trabant were forced to stand around with their food while waiting for the group prayer to finish. “When that old preacher in the black cloak came in and started splashing holy water in her face and calling Azazel back into the ninth circle of Hell, I was like, ugh, finally someone’s going to exorcise this evil demon spirit,” said Jessica Winters. “Like it’s been going on for so long, let’s wrap it up already. And these prayer groups are always
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in my lounge, or like in the dining hall sitting next to me, like, seriously, get a room.” Though sympathetic to the prayer group’s needs, many still thought there were better places to be. “I understand that there aren’t a lot of places to go on campus, but it seems like they chose the most public place possible,” said Jackson. “Like when the demon started convulsing inside her and she started this projectile vomiting, I was like ‘Come on, I’m eating here.’ She got some devil-puke on my chicken nuggets too.” Though the prayer group was gone soon
enough, students were still unhappy. “When the demon shot through her mouth and was all, ‘This is not the last you’ve hear of Azazel, I’m gonna find a new human host and take personal vengeance, I will bring fire and brimstone to the world, blah blah blah,’ I was just like, ‘Could you keep it down, like just a little?’” added Winters. “Like, I have a comm test in half an hour. Seriously.” A massive chasm then opened up in the floor and out came the cries of the eternally damned; Azazel then entered the chasm, the chasm sealed shut, and everyone continued about their day.
READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
What Trabant Employees’ Neck Tattoos Say About Them Katie Wall wrote this
When a Trabant employee wishes you a good day, you can see in their beautiful shimmering eyes that they are sincere. It’s unlikely that there is anyone on the planet who wants you to have a good day more than the Trabant employees. While they are a unique and diverse bunch, there is one characteristic — along with incredible charm — that most employees share: neck tats. Here we analyze what the neck tattoo says about them. Picture of something that has to do with the outdoors: These neck tats include flowers, clouds, the sun, or anything that can be found outside of where people live or work or do anything where they aren’t outside. Trabant employees with this type of tattoo are adventurous, fun-loving, and handy. They not only can they ring up your Chick-fil-A waffle fries, but can also pitch a tent and negotiate with a bear that might have stolen your picnic basket. The beauty of these inspiring tattoos are outdone only by the physical and emotional beauty of the Trabant employee, their obsidian locks sparkling in Trabant’s neon light or their strong bodies laying in a field of flowers, reading Wordsworth aloud to you as the sun sets. Name of past lover: These Trabant employees had a blank space, baby, (on their neck) and they wrote their name — the name of a previous lover, that is. A name inked onto the delicate neck skin of the Trabant employee tells a tale of a love long past, exposing deep devotion and yet deeper pain. Feeling the nasty sting of a broken heart, they nevertheless manage to still smile through it all to provide you with cheerful and efficient service. “Thank you,” you say as they cash you out, feebly attempting to convey gratitude for your food but also for their wonderful, tenderly Sufjanesque existence. Romeo and Juliet
can take a note or two from the romantic souls of these employees. Song lyrics or music notes: These neck tats are usually found parallel with the ear. This makes sense, as ears are what allow people to hear music. Song lyrics neck tats reveal the employee’s taste in musical genres and the essential brightness of their souls. It isn’t difficult to imagine yourself, vulnerable and sad after some sort of personal tragedy, turning to a Trabant employee with a song lyric tattoo for guidance. They whisper sage sounds into your ears and suddenly all is healed, like Jesus stroking Lazarus’ brow. This is amplified further in the music note neck tat, indicating that they not only hear but create music, like small Titans crafting a musical world with their arms. It is more than likely that the next great composer of our time can be found in Trabant, toiling away towards impeccable service while symphonies come to life in their beautiful minds. Miscellaneous Words: This category encompasses many a neck tat. These words can be anything from “hope” to “danger.” They can also be compiled together to form a sentence or phrase. An example might be something like, “live fast die young.” These types of tattoos expose a degree of importance that the employee has placed in the word, imbuing it with the radiance of a thousand suns. “Hope” for example might mean that the Trabant worker is optimistic about their aspirations for the future. Truly, there’s much to learn from these delightful working delights. And, while neck tats may just be the key to a much deeper truth, to begin there opens doors for you, dear reader, of adventures to come.
The Black Sheep is
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WHAT’S THE MOST UNUSUAL THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO YOU AT AN OUTDOOR PARTY? KATIE “I forgot my wallet on the roof of a shed once.”
CAROLINE
“I did a keg stand while holding a blow-up sex doll at a dage once. Is that what you’re looking for?”
KSENIA
“I once bought mac and cheese and a hot dog from the cart on Main Street. I ate the mac and cheese but I fell asleep before I ate the hot dog so I woke up the next morning with it in my hand. Please don’t tell anyone about this.”
06
THE TOP TEN
Things We Need On Main Street SPECIALS ALL WEEK LONG!
Main Street may have the best burritos or bagels in the area, but think of everything it doesn’t have. Here are a few places that would make Newark the perfect college town: 10.) Costco: Today, if you need some toilet paper, you can make a quick POD run and spend eight bucks on a roll. Imagine if there was a place within walking distance where you can spend the same amount for 200 rolls. If Costco was on Main Street, every other place would go out of business. 9.) Wawa: Wawa is the all-encompassing fast food/convenience/grocery store that New Yorkers missed out on their entire lives. Sure the closest one is a quick drive away, but what about all us kids with just two scrawny legs to get around? For some reason, we got 7-Eleven instead. 8.) Boston Market: We could eat a half chicken with mac and cheese and loaded potato skins for every meal every day of the week. Your arteries may get clogged with gravy, but it sure is wicked good food. 7.) Indoor Mini Golf: Let’s face it, there’s not much to do on Main Street that satisfies the boredom epidemic UD students face nearly every day of the week. Sure, a now-closed bowling alley and a three-movie cinema aren’t that bad, but a mini golf place pimped out with neon lights and an outer space theme would be the ultimate time killer. Especially if you’re drunk. 6.) Marijuana Dispensary: First, a dispensary opens. Next thing you know, the Health Center is handing out medical marijuana licenses for minor headaches. Give it a few months and voila— Delaware is the first state on the east coast to legalize weed. We were first before, let’s be first again! 5.) Puppies and Kittens Center: The puppies training to be seeing eye dogs hardly give us our daily fix for cuteness. For a mere five bucks, you’ll have all the time you need to hang out with a room full of puppies and kittens. You’ll even be able to rent one for a few days. 4.) Dave & Buster’s: There’s nothing like a double date with you, your partner, Dave, & Buster. Stop lying to yourself, you loved it the last time you were there. Arcade games, finger food, bowling, and anything else a 7-yearold could ever want is there. And are we all not just big 7-year-olds who sometimes get drunk? 3.) Jamba Juice: Now that Main Squeeze is gone, there’s no good smoothie place on Main Street. Jamba Juice would be located near the Little Bob so we can tell ourselves we’re being healthy when we get a postworkout 3000 calorie vanilla milkshake with extra protein. 2.) Apple Store: An Apple store on Main Street would function more like a museum than an actual retailer. People would come in, play with the iPads they can’t afford, and leave to get NDB. 1.) H&M: H&M has the perfect clothes for college students — they’re cheap and only trendy for the few months before they fall apart. In fact, the name stands for “Horrible & Mediocre.” Russel Kogan wrote this
Sunday: $4 Bloody Marys and Mimosas Monday: $1 off Hall of Fame Beers 6pm-Close Tuesday: Tator Tot and Trivia Tuesday Wednesday: 1/2 Price Sandwich Night 6pm-Close Thursday: $3 Crush and Margarita, $2 Beach Shooters; $2 Off Seafood Friday: $3 1/4lb Steamed Shrimp $3 Yuengling from 6pm-Close Saturday: $3 1/4lb Steamed Shrimp $3 Yuengling from 6pm-Close
EVERYDAY:
Happy Hour 3-6pm 1/2 Price Apps; $3 Drafts; $2 Domestic Bottles Late Night 10pm-12 midnight $2 Purple Gatorades $3 Spring Waters $4 Crushes
ALL DAY
$2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball $4 Rail OPEN DAILY 11AM - 1AM | 302-454-1900 ALL SPECIALS ARE DINE-IN, BUT WE DELIVER!
THE BAR GRID SPECIAL NIGHT
Everyday: Happy Hour 3-6pm 1/2 price apps; $3 Drafts; $2 Domestic bottles Late Night 10pm-12: $2 Purple Gatorades, $3 Spring Waters $4 Crushes
WEDNESDAY: Yeungs and Wings 6-Close: $0.60 Wings $2 Yeungling Drafts $4 Captain & Jack Drinks 9-Close: $4 LITs, $3 Green Tea Shots
TUESDAY: $4 Double LIT’s 1/2 Price Burgers All Day Come Check Out Jefe and DJ Andrew Hugh Every Tuesday Night!
FRIDAY! $4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
THURSDAY
$3 Crush and Margarita; $2 Beach Shooters; $2 off Seafood All Day: $2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball, $4 Rail
Wine and Dine/OPP Night 6-10: $4 Glasses House Wines $4 Blue Moon & Sam Adams Seasonal Drafts Free dessert with purchase of an entrée 9-Close: OPP (Own Personal Pitcher) Night $4 Pitchers Lite & Yuengling, $5 Personal Pitcher Rail Drinks, $6 Personal Pitcher LIT’s $3 Purple Gatorade, White Gummy Bears, Lucky Charms DJ and Live Music @ 10
All You Can Eat Wings (5PM - close) $2 Rail Drinks (all day) 1/2 Price Burgers 11:30am-3pm, House Music w/ DJ Andrew Hugh
DJ Gaetano! $5 Monster Energy and Vodka, $3 Blue Moon Pints, $3 25oz Coors Lights $4 Tall Svedkas
FRIDAY
$3 1/4lb Steamed Shrimp $3 Yuengling from 6pm-Close All Day: $2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball, $4 Rail
3-7pm: Happy Hour Food & Drinks Specials 9-Close: $5 Pitchers Lite and Yuengling $3 Rails (vodka, rum, whisky, gin, tequila) $4 LIT’s, $3 White Gummy Bears $3 Piehole Shots, $4 Fireball Shots Live Music @ 10
$5 All Bombs, All Day, Everyday DJ Chris!
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
SATURDAY
$3 1/4lb Steamed Shrimp; $3 Yuengling from 6pm-Close All Day: $2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball, $4 Rail
Soccer Saturday Soccer Brunch 10-2: $1 Mimosas, $3 Bloody Mary’s, $5 Irish Pints 9-Close: $5 Pitchers Miller Lite and Yuengling $3 Rails (vodka, rum, whisky, gin, tequila), $4 LIT’s, $3 Lucky Charms, $3 Piehole Shots $4 Fireball Shots, Live Music @ 10
Brunch 10am-2pm, $4 Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar $3.50 Captain Morgan Drinks, All Day, Everyday Live Local Music! No Cover (w/ student ID)
$3 Big Miller Lites College Football
SUNDAY
$4 Bloody Marys and Mimosas All Day: $2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball, $4 Rail
PHAT (Poor, Hungry & Thirsty) In the Biz Brunch 10-2: $1 Mimosas, $3 Bloody Mary’s 5-10: $11.99 Irish Entrees, $5 Irish Pints 9-Close: In the Biz specials $4 Fireball and GM shots $4 Pitchers Miller Lite and Yuengling $6 In the Biz Food Menu
Sunday Funday w/ Brunch (9AM-2PM) $4 Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar Chorduroy Live, No Cover
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Big Miller Lites
MONDAY
$1 off Hall of Fame Beers from 6pm-Close All Day: $2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball, $4 Rail
Melt Down Mondays 6-Close: $4 Select Craft Drafts $5 Feature Grilled Cheese and Soup Combo, $4 Captain & Jack Drinks 9-Close: $3 Flavored Vodkas $3 Lucky Charms
1/2 Price Appetizers 5pm-Close, Showtime Trivia at 8:30PM
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Leinenkugel Pints
TUESDAY
Tator Tot and Trivia Tuesday All Day: $2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball, $4 Rail
Burger Mania 6-Close: 1/2 Price Burgers, $4 Captain and Jack Drinks, $4 Personal Pitchers Miller Lite and Yuengling, $6 Personal Pitchers Sam Adams Seasonal and Blue Moon 9-Close: $3 Vodka Drinks $3 Applesauce Quizzo @ 8pm
$4 Double LIT’s 1/2 Price Burgers All Day Come Check Out Jefe and DJ Andrew Hugh Every Tuesday Night!
COLLEGE NIGHT! $2 Single You Call Its, $10 Cover Charge Free Admission w/ UD I.D.
WEDNESDAY
1/2 Price Sandwich Night 6pm-Close All Day: $2 Miller Cans $3 Fireball, $4 Rail
Yeungs and Wings 6-Close: $0.60 Wings $2 Yeungling Drafts $4 Captain & Jack Drinks 9-Close: $4 LITs, $3 Green Tea Shots
1/2 Price Nachos and Quesadillas All Day, 1/2 Price Burgers All Day $1.50 Tacos, $3 Corona and Corona Light, $3 Margaritas, $2.50 Taylor’s Grog Draft
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
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THE BAR GRID MONDAY: All You Can Eat Wings & Fries 9.99 $3 Angry Orchard & Yuengling Pints $3 Captain Morgan Drinks Pub Quiz 9pm-12am
Happy Hour! 4-6pm Monday - Friday: $2.50 Drafts(Bud, Miller, Yuengling) $4 House Wines, $4 Sangria $4 Craft Beers
Best Happy Hour in Town Mon.-Sat. 4-7pm $3 Beer Specials $4 Signature Drinks, $5 App Menu Outside Deck is Open!
$2.50 COORS LIGHT ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!
SPECIAL NIGHT
$2 Rail Pints $2.50 Cans $5 Pubwiches Deuling Pianos at 9pm
MUG NIGHT! $2 Drafts & $3 Well Drinks (Only with Mug) $3 Purple Gatorades, $3 Applesauce $3 Blue Hen Shots $1 Jello shot
International Night feat. DJ Bis 9-close $3 Single, $5 Double $3.50 Corona Outside Deck is Open!
$12 Dinner Entrees, 1/2 Priced Bottles of Wine Free Happy Hour Taco Buffet! $2.50 Coors Light
THURSDAY
$9.99 Fish & Chips $3 Blue Moon Pints Happy Hour: $2 Select Drafts | $2 Call Liquor Drinks | $3 House Wines $3 Fireball | $3 Blue Moon Pints DJ Ed Ex pm
9-Close: $3 Big Bottle Bud Lights $3 Kates Punch, $3 Vodka Drinks $3 Soco Slammers $3 Blue Hen Shots $4 Bacardi Drinks, $1 Jello Shots
Best Happy Hour in Town Mon.-Sat. 4-7pm $3 Beer Specials $4 Signature Drinks, $5 App Menu Outside Deck is Open!
Brunch & Bloody Mary Bar til 3pm $9.99 Celtic Entrees $3 Fireball | $4 Vodka Red Bull | $4 Dogfish Head 60 Min IPA Live DJ 10pm
9-Close: $4 Redbull Vodka $4 Bomb Shots, $3 Vodka Drinks $3 Green Tea Shots $3 White Gummy Bear Shots $3 Blue Hen Shots $1 Jello Shots
Newark’s New Soccer Headquarters Showing All Games! 9am-2pm Brunch: Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar Outside Deck is Open!
Chef's Special! DJ 9pm $4 Tall Smirnoff Flavored Drinks $2.50 Coors Light
SATURDAY
Brunch & Bloody Mary Bar til 3pm All You Can Eat Wings & Fries 9.99 $2 Bud Lt. Drafts, $3 Call LIquors $4 Irish Drafts ½ Price Drinks 10pm-12am
9 - Close $3 Applesauce Shots $3 Rails $3 Blue Hen Shots
Soccer and Brunch 9am-2pm Medium Cheese Pizza & 10 Wings $13.99 Large Cheese Pizza & 20 Wings $23.99 Outside Deck is Open!
All-You-Can-Eat Baby Back Ribs for $19 $2.50 Coors Light
SUNDAY
All You Can Eat Wings & Fries 9.99 (all day) $3 Angry Orchard & Yuengling Pints $3 Captain Morgan Drinks Pub Quiz 9pm-12am
9-Close: $3 Jolly Rancher shot $3 Blue Hen Shot $3 Vodka Drinks $3 Whiskey Drinks
Medium Cheese Pizza & 10 Wings $13.99 Large Cheese Pizza & 20 Wings $23.99 Outside Deck is Open!
$6 Nacho Night! Seafood, Taco, Supreme, Chicken or Pulled Pork $5 Jose Cuervo Margaritas on the Rocks, $2.50 Coors Light
MONDAY
Burger Night! $5 Burgers (½ lb burgers) $3 Yards & Victory Pints 1/2 Price Drinks 9pm-1am DJ 10pm
9 - Close: $3 Margaritas $3 Blue Hen Shot $3 Tequila Sunrise shots $3 Vodka Drinks
Best Happy Hour in Town 4-7pm $3 Beer Specials $4 Signature Drinks $5 App Menu
WING NIGHT! $0.40 wings $2.50 Yuenglings $4 Tall Tito’s Vodka Drinks $2.50 Coors Light
TUESDAY
$5 Flatbreads, $4 Craft Beer $4 Martini Bar Bingo (name that tune) 9pm-1am
9-Close: $3 Jolly Rancher Shots $3 Blue Hen Shots $3 Vodka Drinks
Yeungs & Wings 5-close $0.49 Traditional, $0.59 Breaded $2 Yuengling Pints Outside Deck is Open!
Half-Price Burgers $4 Tall Whipped Smirnoff Vodka Drinks
WEDNESDAY
Karaoke Night 9pm until 1am
Outside Deck is Open!
College Night!
FREE Happy Hour Buffet 9pm - Close: $2 12oz Coors Light Drafts, $3 Rail Drinks, Fireball Shots and 16oz Coor Light Alum. Btls., $4 Captain Morgan Drinks, $5 Senor Creepy
FRIDAY
THE QUIZ:
WHAT SHOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR MAJOR TO NEXT YEAR? Take this quiz to find out what you should change your major to next semester. At the end of the quiz, tally up your points and head to the registrar’s office with your new major that you’re sure to enjoy a lot more than the one you have now. - Katelin Howell
Question 1: How often do you attend class each week?
Question 8: What’s the longest you’ve gone without taking a shower?
A. Every day! Why would I skip class? B. I think I attended class once, two weeks ago. C. Sometimes I’ll skip my morning class. D. All my professors take attendance, so I have to go every day. E. I go to most classes, but I’m usually hungover.
A. Maybe two days B. Two weeks C. A full month D. 12 minutes E. 24 hours
Question 2: What’s your favorite subject?
Question 10: How many times have you gotten drunk this semester?
A. Art B. Musical Studies C. Business D. Engineering E. Journalism
A. Too many to count. B. I’ve never tasted alcohol. C. Like… four times. D. At least once a week. E. An acceptable amount of times.
Question 4: What makes you the happiest? A. Shoe sales B. Happy hour C. Netflix D. Sunshine and fresh-cut grass E. Free food
Question 11: Who would be the best professor? A. Kanye West B. Robert Downey Jr. C. Helen Keller D. Napoleon Dynamite E. Coco Chanel
Question 5: What’s your biggest goal in life? A. Getting a job right out of college B. Marrying rich C. Pass my classes this semester D. Get into law school E. Show up to class sober, for once
A. Dazed and Confused B. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs C. Sideways D. Mean Girls E. The Devil Wears Prada
Question 6: What can’t you live without? A. The Internet and Wifi B. My favorite pair of shoes C. My mom D. Nachos E. A mimosa to get me through the day
Question 13: Whom would you rather marry?
Question 7: What’s your favorite method of transportation?
ANSWER KEY:
1. A=1 B=5 C=3 D=4 E=2 2. A=5 B=3 C=4 D=2 E=1 3. A=5 B=3 C=4 D=2 E=1 4. A=3 B=2 C=1 D=4 E=5
20-36 Points: You Should Major In Popular Culture:
This is actually a major where you learn about movies, celebrities and anything and everything pop culture. Who wouldn’t want this major as a daily “effort”? When you change your major next semester you’ll be watching movies and TMZ every day.
A. Albert Einstein B. The Most Interesting Man in the World C. Jennifer Lawrence D. Your hot professor E. George Clooney
5. A=1 B=5 C=3 D=4 E=2 6. A=1 B=3 C=4 D=5 E=2 7. A=2 B=3 C=4 D=5 E=1 8. A=5 B=2 C=4 D=3 E=1
37-52 Points: You Should Major In Fermentation Sciences:
A major in learning how to make beer. You get to make the beer, you get to drink the beer. Basically, next semester you’ll have buzz every day in class and that’s totally acceptable. You’re one of the lucky ones. You actually learn a lot about science and biology, so it’ll be super beneficial.
Question 16: What do you wear to class? A. Workout clothes B. Pajamas C. My cutest outfit D. Whatever is clean E. Sperrys, short shorts and Greek t-shirts
Question 17: What job do you want after you graduate? A. Working at an atelier B. Manager at Chipotle C. Bartender D. Actor E. Living at my parents’ house for free
Question 18: What’s your favorite TV show?
Question 12: What’s your favorite movie?
A. Walking B. Biking C. Riding a unicorn D. Driving E. Teleportation
A. Instagram B. Snapchat C. Twitter D. Pinterest E. Tumblr
A. Taco Bell B. Sushi C. Anything that cures a hangover D. Pizza E. Ramen
Question 3: What major are you in right now?
A. Captain Underpants B. The Harry Potter series C. Does Sports Illustrated count D. Vogue E. I don’t reed, u dummy.
Question 15: What’s your favorite social media app?
Question 9: What’s your favorite thing to eat?
A. Eating B. History of fashion C. Sleeping D. Math E. Not going to class and watching Netflix instead
Question 14: What’s your favorite book?
9. A=5 B=3 C=2 D=1 E=4 10. A=2 B=5 C=3 D=4 E=1 11. A=1 B=2 C=4 D=5 E=3 12. A=4 B=5 C=2 D=1 E=3
53-68 Points: You Should Major In Apparel Studies:
Fashion and shopping are your favorite things in the whole wide world. Now, imagine of doing that for a living! Switching to this major next semester will get you prepared to shop for other people or design clothes for other people. But you know you’ll still be shopping for yourself, all the while getting paid to do it.
A. E! News B. Mad Men C. Cupcake Wars D. Project Runway E. Workaholics
Question 19: What do you like to do in your spare time? A. Go shopping B. Get high C. Watch movies D. Eat E. Get drunk
Question 20: What’s your favorite college holiday? A. Summer break B. Christmas break C. Martin Luther King Day D. Spring break E. Thanksgiving break
13. A=5 B=2 C=4 D=1 E=3 14. A=4 B=1 C=5 D=3 E=2 15. A=5 B=4 C=1 D=3 E=2 16. A=1 B=4 C=3 D=5 E=2
69-84 Points: You Should Major In Cannabis Cultivation:
AKA growing weed. AKA the best major ever. AKA you’ll be learning how to make your own weed. AKA never paying for marijuana ever again. Don’t be frightened if the DEA shows up to one of your classes next semester, just act natural. Be cool, man. You should be used to that.
17. A=3 B=5 C=2 D=1 E=4 18. A=1 B=2 C=5 D=3 E=4 19. A=3 B=4 C=1 D=5 E=2 20. A=1 B=3 C=4 D=2 E=5
85-100 Points: You Should Major In Food Science:
You know you love food, eating is basically the only thing you do all day anyway. After you change your major to this for next semester, you’ll get to eat to your heart’s delight, cook your own food, learn about different foods from around the world and basically get a degree in becoming a chef. Honestly, what could be better?
BARTENDER OF THE WEEK
JOE AT KILDARE’S
Relationship Status: Single Major: Kinesiology Favorite Drink: Anything alcoholic. I drink it all. Favorite Shot: Whiskey Disgusting Drink: SoCo Lime What prank would you like to pull on someone who didn’t tip you?: I’d love to give them a Jersey Turnpike. What’s the best drink to suck down in a beer garden?: Anything on a nitro tap. If that’s not available, any seasonal; I like trying new beers. How would you spend $100 in nickels?: I’d go to a bank and cash it in.
Which two vulgarities don’t pair as a very good insult?: That’s a stupid question because all curse words go together. Give us the down-low on the birds and the bees: Penis goes in the vagina and it feels good. What famous animal name would you name your firstborn?: Porkchop. Combine two fast food items from different chains to produce something delicious: AM McDouble Quesarito. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Cuz I’m in it right now.
THE DRINKING GAME
RECIPE FOR DISASTER
POST-LENT DISASTER
KOSHER CORN DOGS
TSIONAS MANAGEMENT
GREAT LOCATIONS AVAILABLE FOR FALL! So you gave up drinking for Lent like an idiot, eh? This week’s going to be one hell of a ride for your gut and your roommates. But tonight it’s time to take out your 40-day frustration on the place that put you in this bind to begin with. You’re going back to church to show them the mess they’ve created. What You’ll Need: 30-rack of God’s greatest creation: beer, and penance for what’s about to happen.
Oy vey! We’re in the midst of Passover and you’ve got a taste for corn dogs? Lucky enough, you’ve got The Black Sheep to help you out in making those bad boys kosher. They may not end up being corn dogs, but we guarantee you’ll have something in your dogs.
What You’ll Need: Your favorite kosher food, corn meal, flour, sugar, baking powder, milk, salt, pepper and eggs, hot oil, tasteful imagination.
2, 3, and 4 Person Apartments
Number of Players: The father, the son, and your case of holy spirits.
Level of Intoxication: Your stomach will need its own salvation tomorrow morning.
How to Play: - It’s been a few weeks, so start off with a cool 10 beers at home before you leave. - Make the pilgrimage to the nearest church and have your own tailgate on the front steps. - Drink twice for every sucker who walks inside. - By the time someone asks you to leave, you should be drunk enough to make them think you’re speaking in tongues. - Astonished, they will invite you inside. Drink every time someone yells out amen. The Game Ends When: You cut the communion line and chug all the wine, burp, and yell, “ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME” then leave.
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Fatty Factor: It’s better than eating grandma’s matzo ball soup! Let’s Get Baked: -Combine 1 cup corn meal, 1 cup flour, ¼ cup sugar, 4 tablespoons of baking powder and a dash of salt and pepper. -Add one cup milk and an egg to the above mix. You now have your batter. - Take your favorite foods (mine is pizza, so we’ll go with that) and prepare them as usual. - Once your pizza sauce and cheese are warmed up, mix them together. - Dip your pizza in the batter. -Place it in hot oil for about 3 minutes. - Let it cool down and eat away, guilt free (imagine that what you just made is not a pizza roll, but a corn dog instead.)
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Morris Library Fountain To Be Filled With Tears Of Jobless Seniors Citing budget shortfalls as a result of decreased state funding, University of Delaware officials confirmed that the Morris Library fountain will be filled with the tears of current seniors who have been unable to find employment for their post-graduate lives. A recent Career Services Center bulletin states that its first annual Cry-A-Thon will take place on Thursday, April 9th and will feature live music and free t-shirts stating “Everything will be all cry-t!” “I am looking forward to shedding a biological product of the suffocating financial insecurities and feelings of disillusionment with the higher education system in a highly publicized manner,” said Kayla Rivera, a fashion merchandising major. CSC officials are reportedly excited about the event, and are attempting to find a use for the blood and sweat of its soon-tobe graduates. “We’re pretty sure there’s some
Kelly Farrell wrote this
Fraternity and Business Cultures Exact Same Thing A study completed by the University Of Delaware Department Of Anthropology concluded last week that fraternity culture and business culture are exactly the same. The study completed a comparative analysis regarding traditions, typical membership, social power structure, and general air of membership. Below is a short transcript from the study, soon to be published in Cultural Comparison:
guy in the chemical engineering department who could use that shit,” said a representative who refused to be named. He then paused and wondered out loud if they could also use actual shit. “The administration could use it to finally install that statue of a table and hermit crab outside Gore Hall,” he beamed. Members of the Board of Trustees will also be attending the Cry-A-Thon in order to mark the rite of passage of the senior class into the ranks of the unfeeling corporate universe. Refreshments will be provided. According to Elizabeth Brown-
ington, Vice Chair, the Board plans to bring “large bowls of raw onions, as well as copious amounts of platitudes about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. You know, the good stuff.” A recent Blue Hen Poll shows that at this moment, up to 34% of current seniors are currently moistening this publication with unemployed tears. University officials advise students to look on the bright side and to consider being covered in their tears as simply a baptism into a market saturated with college graduates, who are also saturated in tears.
Tradition Fraternity members passed down traditional fraternal chants and require new members to complete various feats. For example, new members of Fraternity A must memorize their 150-year-old theme after completing 20 seconds of a keg stand. Comparatively, young business men recite their companies’ catchphrases so as to make permanent membership, and require new members to complete meaningless, repetitive behaviors such as making 500 copies of a business plan. Both groups’ members accept the precedence of completing required tasks for membership without any objection. General Air of Membership Through a behavioral comparison, we did not find any significant predictors of difference of membership to a fraternity or businesses. When comparing a room of non-Greek college students and engineers (Group B) to fraternity and business members (Group A), we found significant predictors of membership in group A. Group A members were more likely to: schmooze,
Shannon Poulsen wrote this
talk about their fraternity/business more than any other conversation topic, converse with only each other, slap shoulders in a friendly manner, and peer pressure younger members into getting more beer. The study also found that belonging to one group significantly predicted membership in the other. “Sigma Delta Epsilon all the way baby!” said fraternity member Dave George. “I even got a sweet job hook up at Enterprise because an alumnus worked there. Holla at $35,000 a year!” The study concludes: We encourage other studies to explore the merged culture of fraternities and businesses for both cultural exploration, but also curiosity. The exact degree of similarity has never been observed in natural social interactions before.
blacked out cartoons!
Can you identify them? If so, email us at cartoons@theblacksheeponline and win a prize!
CLUE BANK
WINE WISDOM WORDSEARCH Riesling • Chardonnay • Sauvignon Blanc Moscato • Semillon • Pinot Grigio Gewurztraminer • Syrah • Merlot Cabernet Sauvignon • Pinot Noir • Malbec Zinfandel • Sangiovese • Barbera Rose • Brut • Extra Dry • Spumante • Sparkling
ANS WER KEY
SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
KEVIN HART
BEN AFFLECK
Can you believe that Kevin Hart and Ben Affleck are connected in 6 steps? It's so crazy! Do you know how? Tweet us your answers or send us the breakdown at classtime@theblacksheeponline.com. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!