Delaware - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

The Volume 7 Cards Against Humanity

st Humanity Cards Again Cards Against Humanity

MEET the STAFF CAMPUS MANAGER Shannon Poulsen

STREET TEAM MANAGER Ryan Olsen

EDITORIAL MANAGER Matt Roarty

CAMPUS DIRECTOR Brendan Bonham

ADVERTISING MANAGER Cecelia Tefft

OWNER Atish Doshi

WRITERS Carolyn Beatty, Russel Kogan Shiv Patel, Tia Hill, Katie Wall Paul Mooney, Kelly Farrell Sean McBride, Steph Miller

FOUNDERS Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers

DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Emily Nelson

QUESTIONS? info@theblacksheeponline.com

SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Gwen Clarke

ADVERTISING? ads@theblacksheeponline.com

OWNED & OPERATED BY: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Avenue Suite 1, Chicago, Illinois 60622 Contact Corporate: 217.390.1747 For Advertising: 608.712.0900 DISCLAIMER: The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking.

This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication.

Please drink...responsibly and legally.

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PAGE 3

A FEW MORE WAYS

SEX EUPHEMISM OR SERIAL KILLER NICKNAME?

TO KILL SOME TIME.

BEAT OUR CAPTION! Tweet us a better caption and win a prize!

“Burning Man isn’t over, is it?”

THE ALASKAN FIREDRAGON

The above phrase is either a gross sex euphemism or a serial killer’s nickname. Which is it? Let us know by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize! Check back next week for this week’s answer!

WORD of the WEEK

CALLANDER A person who, when on the phone, always manages to think of one more thing to talk about. “…and one more thing,” Erin, a habitual callander, said, “did you hear about Karen last week?”

GUESS THE REALITY TV STAR! Whatever your dirty pleasure may be, don’t deny you watch reality TV. The image to the left is a silhouette of a reality TV star, and below are three clues as to who the person is. Let us know who you think it is by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

1

Played quarterback for Louisiana Tech.

2

Made comments to GQ that many perceived as homophobic.

3

Has a memoir titled, Happy, Happy, Happy.

# # #

PLAY WITH US! @BLACKSHEEP_UD

PAGE 4 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

FUN & GAMES

CLUE BANK

THE HOW YOUR PROFESSOR SCREWED YOU OVER MADLIB Hey __(1)__ and __(2)__. I kind of have some bad news. No, I’m not __(3)__. I’m just probably going to end up with a __(4)__ in __(5)__. Yeah, my professor’s just being a real __(6)__. No, I’m not saying it’s all __(7)__ fault.

See what had happened was I tried to turn in my paper on __(8)__ but the Internet was down, so I printed it out.

And I tried to get to their office, but my __(9)__ was broken, so I started running.

And I wasn’t going to stop, but an insane __(10)__ got in my way and pulled out a __(11)__ so I slowed down and hoped they wouldn’t notice me. And the whole time I’m walking to __(12)__ they kept following me.

I was really going to go directly to the building, but I hadn’t eaten since __(13)__, so I went to __(14)__. And got a __(15)__, a __(16)__, and a __(17)__, and—yeah, sorry, I’ll get back on track.

So by this time, they give up and stop following me, but I didn’t know that yet so I tried to take a few detours. I first tried going between __(18)__, but I ended up in an alley. Then I tried walking through __(19)__ but is turns it doesn’t have __(20)__ so I lost even more time.

I finally made it, and I had literally __(21)__ to get this paper in. Then I received an email from my professor saying they canceled their office hours, and I saw them walking to their car, so I __(22)__ over there, and they started driving away.

They saw me, and they just sped up and drove away, so I never could hand in my __(23)__-ing paper.

Welcome Back Students!

COLLEGE NIGHT Every Tuesday | All Day, All Night

$2 Single YOU-CALL-ITS* 10 Cover Charge |

$

FREE Admission with UD I.D.

*Certain restrictions may apply. Valid at Grotto Pizza, Main Street only.

Thursdays with DJ Gaetano! $5 Monster Energy & Vodka Drinks

$3 Blue Moon Pints

| $3 Coors Light 25oz Big Beers

Bar/Bar area only.

302.369.2200 | 45 East Main Street | Grotto Pizza.com |

1) Parent you love most 2) Parent you love least 3) Bad thing to happen to you 4) Letter that comes after “B” 5) Class you slacked off in 6) Orifice 7) Gendered pronoun 8) Website professors check regularly 9) Mode of transportation 10) Person you might see on Main Street 11) Something that hurts you 12) Building on campus 13) An amount of time 14) Sub-par campus eatery 15) Edible item 16) Less edible item 17) Healthy but inedible item 18) Two campus buildings next to each other 19) A campus different building 20) Something buildings have 21) An amount of time 22) Way to get somewhere quickly 23) Slang word for intercourse Paul Mooney wrote this

READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM PAGE 5 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

The UD Morris Library Drinking Game

Katie Wall wrote this

Getting to Morris to study for your finals is a wise decision that your parents will appreciate, but there is no scientific evidence proving that studying needs to get in the way of you getting absolutely shitfaced. Sneaking alcohol into your bloodstream while sitting seemingly innocent inside the library cultivates both cunning and quick wit, both useful skills for finals.

What You’ll Need: Your booze du jour, the numb feeling you get when you’re certain that nothing will turn out okay.

Number of Players: Flyin’ solo on this one, champ.

Level of Intoxication: You’ll be outside, on your knees screaming “HAAAARKER!!!” to the sky when the night’s over.

How to Play: Take a sip every time someone walks over to the old bag check.

Let the ‘70s sci-fi inspired first floor

of Morris inspire you to drink until you feel fine about making out with your princess sister with the weird earmuff hairstyle. From one of the ”futuristic” new swivel chairs that are extremely conducive to the learning environment, take a sip every time you notice someone accidentally walk over to where the old bag check people used to be, before remembering that the days of people looking in your backpack are long gone.

Take a shot every time a squirrel scares a passerby.

When you become frustrated with the noise of people trying to figure out how to use the printers, move over to the reading room where you can drink in some damn peace and quiet. Make sure to sit in a fancy armchair close to the window. From your squeaky rustic perch, observe through the window your fellow students scurrying by. Take a shot for every time that you see students

nearly pee themselves as a squirrel leaps fearlessly from a nearby tree into their personal space.

Casually sip as you watch them walk away without their previously unappreciated sense of security.

Finish your drink for every person you see gazing at the book statue in inspiration and awe.

This will not happen.

Tiered drinks for people passing you in your study room.

When the lame reading room scene starts to bore you, move on into the basement to enjoy the techno ambiance of a purple and green color scheme. Try if you can to find one of the many coveted group project rooms, and make your lonely self comfortable in a room designed for several occupants.

People love when others do that.

by with the intent of using your space. One drink for an icy passive aggressive stare as opposed to confronting you about using the room improperly, and two drinks for anyone poking their head in to tell you that they actually reserved this room on the library website so if you would, please leave.

The drinking begins every time that a group of two or more walks

Three drinks if the group just comes in and starts using the room with

you still in it. That’s a pretty ballsy move.

One drink for sleeping third floorers, two drinks if they have a blanket.

When you are inevitably kicked out of the group project room, make your way to the third floor to finish up your study session. Here you will find the dedicated loners who have skipped a meal or two in favor

of studying. One shot for anyone sleeping, and two shots for anyone that you see using an actual blanket.

Also, take a small sip for every tear that you see; you’re going to want to pace yourself with that one.

The Game Ends When: You see someone checking out a book. This will not happen.

ON THE STREETS

the madlib SITTING ON SANTA’S LAP

What do you wish you told yourself on the first day of the semester?

BRYAN “To eat as much food as possible at the dining hall.”

Hey there, ya big, tubby bowl of __(1)__, how ya doing? If you are who you say you are, you know I haven’t come by the mall to talk to you since I was __(2)__, but it’s been a rough year, and I really need you to knock Christmas out of the park this year.

Let me start by saying, is that a __(3)__in your pocket, or you just happy to see me? Seems so __(4)__ I could hang an ornament off it, am I right, you big, virile badass?

LEXI “To go out partying during Syllabus Week.”

This year I’m going to want a __(5)__, but not one of the cheap ones, one with plenty of __(6)__and __(7)__and everything.

I actually have one on my Amazon Wish List, so just log in and check it out. I’m also going to want a __(8)__, a bottle of __(9)__and a lifetime supply of __(10)__. Hey fat man, don’t give me that look, that elf over there told me this is a __(11)__free zone.

It’s not just that I want a lot of good stuff, I think my family deserves what’s comin’ to them, too. Get my mom a __(12)__for that time she didn’t get me a __(13)__for Christmas in 2003. Get my sister a __(14)__to remind her of the time she told my mom about __(15)__ in the basement when I was in high school. Karma’s a bitch, aye __(16)__? Finally, get my stepdad Todd a nice big pile of __(17)__. Just ‘cause you get to stuff it in my mom doesn’t mean you get to enjoy the holiday spirit, not with me around.

Sorry you jolly bastard, there’s a flock of moms giving me the side-eye over there, so I’ll hop off to let a little __(18)__ hop on and __(19)__on your outfit. Sure you’ll love that. Also, Santa, remember, you better get me everything, I know where you live, and I will __(20)__you.

CLUE BANK

06

1. Kind euphemism for fat 2. Age you last visited a mall Santa 3. Christmas item 4. Adjective 5. Expensive present 6. Feature on #5 7. Feature found on #5 8. Cheap present 9. Something that comes in a bottle 10. Noun

11. Noun 12. Bad gift 13. Hot 2003 Christmas items 14. Karmic gift 15. Illicit high school activity 16. Sister name 17. Something gross 18. Small child synonym 19. Expulsion of bodily fluid 20. Verb

DANIEL “Don’t spend all your points within the first two weeks of the semester.”

THE TOP TEN

Presents UD Needs 10.) A New Statue in Mentor’s Circle: Do you know what inspires us to learn? Well it’s definitely not a giant ugly book with a metal feather next to it. Looking at that statue makes us want to crawl back into bed and vomit. What we need is a statue of something cool like a tiger chasing a dragon or an elephant riding a unicycle.

9.) A Guy Who Stands Outside Kirkbride Yelling about Science and Evolution: We’ll call him Kirkbride Scientist and he’ll counter every one of Kirkbride Jesus’ points about you going to hell with scientific evidence.

8.) An Amazing Football Team: You know that god-like player on the football team? Neither does anyone else. If we had an insanely good team, we wouldn’t just have a legitimate reason to go to football games, but we’d also have a giant football stadium not named after a guy called Tubby, with better food, and probably even hotter cheerleaders! Just imagine the far-reaching effects!

7.) A More Badass Mascot than YouDee: Maybe a Blue Hen was kind of badass when it was winning cockfights in the 1700s, but now? We suggest going with something a little more intimidating.

We can even keep the whole bird thing if we go with the Fire-Breathing Falcons or the Nuclear Eagles or something.

6.) A Dining Hall That Only Serves Chicken Nuggets: UD Dining may serve sewage compressed to look like pizza on most nights, but if there’s one thing they do right, it’s the nuggets. The only problem with this idea is that no one will ever go to any other dining hall.

5.) A POD That Sells Things In Bulk: The POD is kind of like your pantry at home, complete with cookies, crackers, and everything else you might crave for a late-night snack. The only difference is that one cookie costs $2.00. We’re all broke college students. What we need is an on-campus Costco.

4.) An Indoor Water Park: The only thing that might be more fun than getting drunk on a Friday night is going down a water-slide at a hundred miles an hour. The truth is everyone loves indoor waterparks. We think there’s just enough room to build one on South Green.

3.) Another Chipotle: If there’s one thing UD students love, it’s Chipotle. But when Saturday comes around and there’s a line out the door for burritos, people look like their house just burned down.

Not to worry friends, there’s a solution! If we try hard enough, we can make the Starbucks in Smith serve Chipotle too!

COME SEE WHAT ALL THE

FUN IS ABOUT

BRING IN THE NEW YEAR

AT DEER PARK!

2.) A Fun Police For The Actual Police: Some of the police around UD seemed to have launched a war on fun. “You can’t drink, you can’t smoke, blah, blah, blah.” We say we get another group of police on campus that stop the real police when they’re about to ruin the day of an innocent student who just wanted to have a good time.

NEW YEARS EVE PARTY

1.) A Shiny Red Bicycle: Just picture it. UD wakes up and runs downstairs to a brand-new Schwinn Model-S crimson bicycle sitting patiently under the religiously-unaffiliated holiday tree. Everyone deserves to experience this cliché. We are no exception.

WITH EPIC SOUND DJs, CHAMPAGNE TOAST AND PARTY FAVORS!

Russel Kogan wrote this

DeerParkTavern.com • (302) 369-9414 • 108 W Main St., Newark, 19711

THE BAR GRID Happy Hour! Monday-Friday 3-7PM $3 & $5 Food Specials $2 Drafts, $5 Infusion Drinks $4 Glasses of Wine & Sangria

FRI & SAT: Happy Hour 3-7 $1 Off Crafts, $2 Domestic Pints $3 Rails, $4 Ciders $5 Glasses of Wine

Spend NYE at Deer Park!

Epic Sound DJs, Party Favors and a Champagne Toast!

FRIDAY! $4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light

Happy Hour 3-7PM $2 Drafts, $5 Infusion Drinks $4 Glasses of Wine & Sangria

Thirsty Thursday! $2 Domestic Pints $3 Shooters & Rails $4 Domestic Pitchers & LITs DJ Rundrew & Chorduroy

All You Can Eat Wings (5PM - close) $2 Rail Drinks (all day) 1/2 Price Burgers 11:30am-3pm, House Music w/ DJ Andrew Hugh

DJ Gaetano! $5 Monster Energy and Vodka, $3 Blue Moon Pints, $3 25oz Coors Lights $4 Tall Svedkas

Happy Hour 3-7PM $2 Drafts, $5 Infusion Drinks $4 Glasses of Wine & Sangria

9-Close: $5 Fireball Shot & Draft Beer, $3 Infusion Shots and $2.50 Empanadas

Happy Hour 3-7 $1 Off Crafts, $2 Domestic Pints $3 Rails, $4 Ciders $5 Glasses of Wine

$5 All Bombs, All Day, Everyday Live Bands!

$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light

SATURDAY

Brunch 11-4PM: $3 Mimosa’s $5 Bloody Mary’s/Maria’s 9-Close: $5 Fireball Shot & Draft Beer $5, $3 Infusion Shots and $2.50 Empanadas

Happy Hour 3-7 $1 Off Crafts, $2 Domestic Pints $3 Rails, $4 Ciders $5 Glasses of Wine

Brunch 10am-2pm, $4 Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar $3 Captain Morgan Drinks, All Day, Everyday Live Local Music! No Cover (w/ student ID)

$3 Big Miller Lites College Football

SUNDAY

Brunch 11-4PM $3 Mimosa’s $5 Bloody Mary’s/Maria’s $1 Off ALL BEERS during NFL Games

Irish Sundays! $1 Off Irish Pints Live Irish Music at 4PM

Sunday Funday w/ Brunch (9AM-2PM) $4 Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar Chorduroy Live, No Cover

$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Big Miller Lites

MONDAY

Happy Hour 3-7PM $2 Drafts, $5 Infusion Drinks $4 Glasses of Wine & Sangria $3 & $5 Food Specials MNF: 8PM-Close: $2 Drafts

$3 Blue Moons $4 Dogfish $5 Gourmet Hot Dogs

1/2 Price Appetizers 5pm-Close, $5 Off Big Beer Bottles Showtime Trivia at 8:30PM

$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Leinenkugel Pints

TUESDAY

Happy Hour 3-7PM $2 Drafts, $5 Infusion Drinks $4 Glasses of Wine & Sangria $3 & $5 Food Specials 8PM-Close: $5 Margaritas, $18 Pitchers of Sangria

1/2 Price Burgers $4 Personal Pitchers Quizzo at 9PM

$4 Double LIT’s 1/2 Price Burgers All Day Come Check Out Jefe and DJ Andrew Hugh Every Tuesday Night!

COLLEGE NIGHT! $2 Single You Call Its, $10 Cover Charge Free Admission w/ UD I.D.

WEDNESDAY

Happy Hour 3-7PM: $2 Drafts, $5 Infusion Drinks $4 Glasses of Wine & Sangria Cards Against Humanity Night: 7- Close $2 Drafts, $5 Infusion Drinks, $3 Fireball

Yuengs & Wings! $0.45 Wings $2 Yuenglings

1/2 Price Nachos and Quesadillas All Day, 1/2 Price Burgers All Day $1.50 Tacos, $3 Corona and Corona Light, $3 Margaritas, $2.50 Taylor’s Grog Draft

$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light

SPECIAL NIGHT

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

9-Close: $5 Fireball Shot & Draft Beer, $3 Infusion Shots and $2.50 Empanadas

THE BAR GRID Ugly Sweater Party! December 13th, 6pm Best Ugly Sweater Wins $100 Plus Acoustic Music Gift Card Sale!

Buy $50, Get $10 • Buy $100, Get $20

Happy Hour!

4-7pm Monday - Friday: $1 Off Mixed Drinks, $6 Pitchers $2 Drafts, $4 House Wines $3 Red Sangria Glasses

Best Happy Hour in Town Mon.-Sat. 4-7pm $3 Beer Specials $4 Signature Drinks $5 App Menu

$2.50 COORS LIGHT ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!

SPECIAL NIGHT

$5 Pubwiches, $2 Rail Pints BOMB NIGHT: $5 Bomb Drinks, Car Bombs & Irish Trash Cans, DJ starts at 10p, 1/2 price drinks 10p-12a

MUG NIGHT! $2 Drafts & $3 Well Drinks (Only with Mug) $3 Purple Gatorades $3 Applesauce 4-9pm: $6 Pitchers, $2 Drafts

International Night feat. DJ Bis 9-close Drink Specials: $3 Single, $5 Double, $3.50 Corona Football Specials: $6 Medium Cheese Pizza During All NFL Games

$12 Dinner Entrees, 1/2 Priced Bottles of Wine Free Happy Hour Taco Buffet! $2.50 Coors Light

THURSDAY

Newark’s Best Happy Hour! 5p-7p: $2 Drafts, 1/2 price apps Live Music 6p-9p, $3 Bartenders Choice, $3 Flavored Pinnacle Drinks, $4 Fireball, DJ Bis on at 10p

4-9pm: $6 Pitchers, $2 Drafts 9-Close: $3 Big Bottle Bud Lights $3 Donkey Punch, $3 Vodka Drinks, $3 Royal Flush shot $3 Blue Hen Shots

Best Happy Hour in Town Mon.-Sat. 4-7pm $3 Beer Specials $4 Signature Drinks $5 App Menu

FREE Happy Hour Carving Station 9pm - Close: $2 12oz Coors Light Drafts, $3 Rail Drinks, Fireball Shots and 16oz Coor Light Alum. Btls., $4 Captain Morgan Drinks, $5 Senor Creepy

Brunch (until 3p) with Bloody Mary and Mimosa bar, EPL Soccer on the Big Screen, $9.99 Celtric Entrees $4 Irish Drafts, Jameson & Red Bull Vodka, $5 Carbombs

9-Close: $4 Redbull or Monster and Vodka, $4 Bomb Shots $3 Vodka Drinks $3 Green Tea Shots $3 White Gummy Bear Shots

Newark’s New Soccer Headquarters Showing All Games!

9am-2pm Brunch: Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar

Chef's Special!

DJ 9pm $4 Tall Smirnoff Flavored Drinks $2.50 Coors Light

SATURDAY

Brunch (until 3p) with Bloody Mary and Mimosa bar, $10.99 AYCE wings & fries, $4 drafts, $3 Big Arse 22oz bud lights, $3 You Call Its, 1/2 price drinks 10p-12a

Sunday Funday All Happy Hour Specials $3 Applesauce $3 Vodka Drinks

Soccer and Brunch 9am-2pm Football Specials: $3.50 25oz. Bud Light, $17 Bud Light Tower, $6 Medium Cheese Pizza During All NFL Games Medium Cheese Pizza & 10 Wings $13.99 Large Cheese Pizza & 20 Wings $23.99

All-You-Can-Eat Baby Back Ribs for $19 $2.50 Coors Light

SUNDAY

$10.99 AYCE Wings & Fries, $3 Big Arse 22oz Yuengling, $3 Captain Morgan Drinks, Newark’s Best Pub Quiz at 9p! 1/2 price drinks 10p-12a

4-Close: $4 Select Craft Drafts 9-Close: $3 Chocolate Cake Shots $3 Vodka Drinks

Football Specials: $3.50 25oz. Bud Light, $17 Bud Light Tower, $6 Medium Cheese Pizza During All NFL Games Medium Cheese Pizza & 10 Wings $13.99 Large Cheese Pizza & 20 Wings $23.99

$6 Nacho Night! Seafood, Taco, Supreme, Chicken or Pulled Pork $5 Jose Cuervo Margaritas on the Rocks, $2.50 Coors Light

MONDAY

Burger Night! $5 1/2 lb. Burgers 16oz Long Island Iced Tea Pints, $4 Fireball, $2 Bud Lights, Newark’s Famous Karaoke Dance Party at 10p

4-9pm: $6 Pitchers, $2 Drafts 9-Close: $3 Tequila Sunrise Shots $3 Vodka Drinks

Best Happy Hour in Town Mon.-Sat. 4-7pm $3 Beer Specials $4 Signature Drinks $5 App Menu

WING NIGHT! $0.40 wings $2.50 Yuenglings $4 Tall Tito’s Vodka Drinks $2.50 Coors Light

TUESDAY

$5 Flatbreads, $3 Seasonal Drafts, $4 Irish Trilogy, $4 Jameson, $4 Red Bull & Vodka Laura Lea & Steve Duo 9pm

4-Close: $4 Glasses House Wine 9-Close: $3 Chocolate Cake Shots $3 Vodka Drinks

Yeungs & Wings 5-close $0.49 Traditional, $0.59 Breaded $2 Yuengling Pints

Half-Price Burgers $4 Tall Whipped Smirnoff Vodka Drinks

WEDNESDAY

College Night!

FRIDAY

A BLACK SHEEP GUIDE

What’s the best way for you to

procrastinate for finals week?

A BLACK SHEEP GUIDE

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN? 0 E t of 1 R SCO.5 ou 7

1) December Dates: What award, named after the eponymous man’s death, is given yearly on his birthday, December 10th?

2) Hanukkah: How many days is Hanukkah celebrated?

3) Christmas Carols: What famous carol contains the lines, “Not only green when summer’s here/ But also when it’s cold and drear”?

SUSAN ZAREBICKI

COMMUNICATIONS FACULTY SECRETARY

THE DRINKING GAME

7) 2015: What 80s classic has a trio arriving to October 21st, 2015?

8) The Bible: According to the Bible, in what city was Jesus born?

4) Fad Gifts: Christmas 2004 saw Billy, who sang, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” What was Billy?

9) Festivus: The Festivus Feats of Strength ends when this happens to the head of the household.

5) Holiday Movies: This 2003 holiday Christmas hit originally had Jim Carrey attached to play the lead role.

10) New Year’s Eve: What city hosts an annual “Peach Drop” on New Year’s Eve?

Susan’s Answers

Correct Answers

1) Nobel Prize 2) Eight 3) “O Christmas Tree” 4) A Jamaican Man 5) Toy Story 6) Spearmint 7) Back to the Future 8) Bethlehem 9) He or she is pinned 10) Atlanta

1) Nobel Prize 2) Eight 3) “O Christmas Tree” 4) Bass, or Big Mouth Bass 5) Elf 6) Spearmint 7) Back to the Future II 8) Bethlehem 9) He or she is pinned 10) Atlanta

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

WINTER WARMTH

EXTRA DEEP DISH PIZZA

So, you think you’re getting roped into a nice, tipsy drunk tonight, the kind that has you feelin’ real good inside? Very wrong. You’re going to need a lot of alcohol to numb your body from this frigid weather. Trust us, alcohol is the coziest blanket to keep you warm in this polar plunge, and we know you’ll be thanking us later.

Nothing warms the heart in this weather more than a deep dish pizza. This might not be restaurant quality, but hey, let’s just pretend you had enough foresight to call the ole pie shop before you got high.

What You’ll Need: A handle of cheap vodka and a campus full of people who give you reasons to drink.

Level of Intoxication: Enough to make you think it’s appropriate to walk outside in just a shirt and pants and feel fine.

How to Play: Post up at your window and take a pull from the handle when: - You see a basic white bitch wearing UGGs. Take two if it’s a dude.

- You see somebody wipeout on ice or snow. Didn’t teach “walking” where yer from, huh?

- You see a person wearing so much clothing you can’t see their skin.

- You think you should have a snow day, but the administration snows on your parade and announces class is still on.

- You see that one dude who thinks he’s too cool for the Mother Nature and wears shorts and a t-shirt outside.

- There’s an attempt at a snowman, igloo, or a snow penis. Whatever works for you, man.

- You see a foreigner (west coast student) questioning what snow really is.

12

6) Candy: Peppermint is a hybrid mint, a cross between watermint and what other kind of mint?

What You’ll Need: A frozen pizza (hell no, we aren’t making jack shit from scratch), a 5 lb. bag of cheese of your choice, and whatever other toppings your heart desires.

Fatty Factor: Enough to clog your arteries.

Let’s Get Baked: -Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.

- Unwrap the frozen pizza and drop handfuls of cheese all over it.

- If you have any extra toppings, start layering them between cheese like you would taco dip.

- If there’s anything still left in the bag of cheese, empty it onto the pizza. Don’t you remember it’s supposed to be extra deep?

- Throw that work of art in the oven. Doesn’t matter if it’s not done preheating, just eyeball it.

You’re smart; you go to college to learn good.

- Anxiously wait for the best thing that you could ever stuff in your mouth. Probably 22 minutes or somethin’.

- When it’s done, GET EXCITED, but don’t forget to grab oven mitts. If you don’t have any, winter gloves are a good substitute.

The Game Ends When: You can’t feel the icicles hanging off your body when you streak around campus. You’ve seen The Shining, right?

We all know you won’t be able to wait until it cools to try it so take a bite, inevitably scorching the top of your mouth, but don’t say we didn’t warn ya’. If you’re lactose intolerant, just locate the nearest bathroom.

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE APP FOR ALL THE GAMES!

NOMNOMNOM AT THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM PAGE 13 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

‘TWAS 9 P.M. BEFORE CHRISTMAS BREAK Shannon Poulsen wrote this ‘Twas 9p.m. before Christmas break, and all through the Green No one was stirring, not even the Dean.

The Burnett’s were all placed atop cupboards with care, In hopes that YouDee soon would be there.

The college kids were nestled all snug in Rodney beds While visions of Amstel Street dumplings danced in their heads.

We opened the door, and greeted YouDee Who arrived too early to our Christmas party.

YouDee jumped right inside and flew up the stairs, Dancing and swinging and knocking over chairs.

He did not speak, but we could all tell That he wanted to say the night would go swell.

Directing the shots to designated people, He stood on the counter as if from a steeple: “Now Carrie! Now Jessica!

Now Laura and Cece!

On Greg, On Matthew” --“What about on YouDee?” Shocked from the interruption but filled with cheer, YouDee grabbed a Yuengling and shot-gunned that beer!

People on the ground and hands way up high, YouDee exclaimed Christmas break is nigh!

The clock struck midnight and YouDee brought out gifts, Checking various wants off of Christmas gift lists!

A koozie for Tommy, a funnel for Joe, A fracket for Suzie, and for Josh?

Mistletoe!

My roommate in her sheer shirt, and I in my dress Had just took a shot, missed a little, and made a mess.

When we heard a noise, a really loud knock, Checked our front door and saw, oh what a shock!

Quick, get the lights and plug them right in!

Quick, hide the good stuff, and take out the gin!

Slowly and slowly and with delicate time, More and more and more people arrived!

The more that they came, the more YouDee tried to speak But alas, he could not, through his massive foam beak.

Until late in the night, about a quarter past eleven YouDee shouted a mighty speech up to heaven!

He chugged and danced and screamed with glee!

“You should not challenge drinking games to me!”

He ponged and slapped and kings-ed all through the night, While the party goers joined him or watched him in fright.

The music got louder and the moves got more wild, As the tired fell down and slept heavy like a child.

He ran round the room all blue and yellow, Bringing joy as the jolliest, goodiest fellow.

Time flew by for the rest of the eve, Until someone shouted “Quick!

It’s almost three!”

And just as it was said, a knock on the door was heard, “Quick, someone hide him, protect the bird!”

The cops walked in and asked who lived there, We all fell silent as they said, “Leave here!”

The people all shuffled, trying to play it coy When YouDee came out from the pantry, with one final toy.

He gave the cops a shiny megaphone And said, “Press the button when you’re coming, and we’ll all go home.”

The cops rejoiced, as they hate busting us!

The partiers all rejoiced because YouDee just saved their butts!

The cops left and so too did the crowd, The party music softened, as all turned down.

As YouDee was headed out, he caught my eyesight, and said, “Happy Christmas break to all, and to all, a sick night.”

, hought t d n a n eep s*!t.” the lack Sh s i B h e t h n T ha ad better t ever re g e n i ’v h u t o e If y om write s d l u o c “Man, I

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m o c . e n i l on p e e h s k c a l b e h t Print • Mobile • Online

The BluzzSheed 5 pieces of coal that don’t give a damn about gender roles

If your New Year’s resolutions were inspirational posters

1) “I like playing Barbies and football.”

“No more one night stands, unless he’s an 8.”

2) “Make yourself a goddamn sandwich.”

3) “Just because my ass looks good does not mean you can catcall me.”

“Starting tomorrow, every time my mom calls me fat she gets one less grandkid.”

“I’m finally going to tell my boss to take a stick and shove it up his ass.”

4) “I don’t need to be a woman to enjoy the feel of satin panties on my ass.”

5) “This is a unisex miniskirt.”

“If we’re both still single this time next year let’s just have sex with each other.”

“I’m cutting down on drinking until I can get sloppy off three shots again.”

READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

MORRIS LIBRARY STUDY GUIDE Tia Hill wrote this

One of the most stressful parts of finals week (besides the constant worry that Dominos won’t deliver your daily order of forty wings before you start your nightly cry) is figuring out where to study in Morris Library.

you to pay attention to your work, it will also provide the added pressure of playing it cool and “geek chic” when all the ladies and frat guys who aren’t MAN enough to work out in the freezing cold walk by you.

Club Morris can be a confusing place, and if you don’t know enough about 70s style architecture and interior design, it can be pretty hard to navigate through the decades-old “retro” style rooms and labyrinthine levels of the academic cavern. However, with the right amount of focus and ingenuity, it’s easy to find the best places to pop Adderall while obsessively procrastinating by stalking people nearby on Facebook. Here are four.

“I passed out from the cold last December during finals doing this trick, but the female EMTs that came to rescue me and informed me that I had soiled my pants were mildly attractive enough for this to have been worth it,” advised one student, who is confident in his abilities to continue this trend again this year.

The Stairwell: The darkest corner of any stairwell is generally always a smart decision for a study space, because not only are you generally secluded and unable to be seen, but you’ll automatically become friends with whoever walks by after they recover from being scared to death by your sweaty, hunched-over figure in the corner.

“Once I was studying alone in a corner stairwell and I scared this sorority girl so badly she started crying, BUT I got through two hundred notecards that night,” said one unnamed student who does not wish to reveal which staircase is his favorite hangout.

Study Room: If you’re the type that needs to talk out loud in order to learn, you’re put at a pretty unfair advantage at the library. Do you really need to stay that quiet the whole time? Sure, maybe if you’re a loser. To counteract this rule, reserve a study room and then animatedly yell your notes to yourself out loud, making a big deal about the fact that you know what you’re talking about. In no time, you’ll become The Guy Who Cares So Much About His Auditory Learning Needs That He’s Willing To Pace Around In A See-Through Study Room Alone for Two Hours.

And honestly, who doesn’t want that nickname in college?

Another great study space is right on the main stairs connecting the first and second floors of the building, allowing you to really make it clear that you’re studying more than your collegiate counterparts, dammit.

Bathroom: One of the most practical ways to study in the library, especially to avoid the quandary of having to decide whether to hold your pee for another five hours or to just go to the bathroom and leave your precious Apple devices to their own, um, devices, is to simply set up camp in a stall in the bathroom and stay there.

Outside: If you’re looking to impress girls and show that you don’t get cold -- the cold gets you, sit at the outside tables and brave the arctic tundra that is the freezing state of Delaware. Not only will this force

Nobody will know you aren’t going to the bathroom, and if anyone questions you, a strained “Hello?” and a few splashing noises will leave you with a wonderfully solitary study haven.

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the HOW WILL YOU DRAMATICALLY AVOID FINALS? quiz 1. You see a puppy on the street. You… a) Steal it. b) Think about stealing it, but your cowardice stops you. c) Would steal it, if you weren’t its owner already. Lucky you!

2. Harker comes up to you on the street and says… a) “You are my favorite student. I’m glad we were able to develop this friendship.” b) “I’ve heard you know where to get weed.

Please sell me some so I can expel you.” c) “Watch where you’re going! Do you always just run into people?”

3. “Get Busy” by Sean Paul comes on the radio. You… a) Drive off a cliff, but coincidentally. b) Drive off a cliff, but on purpose. c) Are listening to a radio in your home; you drive off anything.

4. Does Article II, section 3 of the Constitution grant the president exclusive recognition power? a) Yes; the president’s powers in foreign affairs are vast and plenary.

b) No; the ability to receive ambassadors is to be narrowly construed. c) This is a political question that the courts are unable to answer.

5. A professor comes up and sticks a hat over your face and says “Guess who?” You… a) Are freaked out. That is some weird shit. b) Play along, but that was wrong. c) Can’t believe what just happened, holy fuck.

8-13: Fall Into a Fifth Dimensional Black Hole: You can’t make finals if you fall into the inescapable pull of a black hole. Suddenly you find yourself in a three-dimensional representation of fifth-dimensional space, in which all things happen at once. You have always been in all times, with love itself the metaphysical thread that binds you to what you were, will be, and are. Or maybe that’s gravity. It is not clear. Unfortunately, this all means that you could have done your final if you wanted to, since, you know, you exist in all times; hopefully you don’t have any physics or philosophy classes, because the professors will call you out on it.

6. Star Wars or Star Trek? a) Star Wars b) Star Trek c) Farscape, and I hate you.

14-19: Locked Within Several Layers of Dreams: Uh-oh, you thought you were studying for finals, but then you noticed that your lucky pen felt different than usual. Come to think of it, things have been kind of weird since you fell asleep on that airplane. Is it possible you are actually trapped within several layers of dream states, subject to the whims of unknown assailants? Maybe, but you can’t tell for sure. All you do know is that your dad is dead and he would want you to sell your controlling shares to the minority stakeholder of your multinational conglomerate, and that’s your idea!

7. How do you think you’re doing so far? a) I’m confident, but realistic. b) I think I’m failing, but I’ve made peace with it. c) Thank you Matt for this quiz, I feel complete.

20-24: Severe Short Term Memory Loss: It’s hard to study for finals, or even remember you have them, since every time you go to sleep you forget everything that happened before. At least that’s what you have tattooed on your chest. But where did all this blood come from?

Were you finally able to avenge your wife’s death? Truly this is the tragedy – you have worked your whole life for a goal but you’ll never remember when you’ve completed it. And also if you fail this orgo final they’ll take away your scholarship. OR HAVE THEY ALREADY DONE SO????

8. Anything else you’ve got to say? a) I’m excited for my results! b) Thinking about my results has got me excited! c) It may be time to reevaluate our position on Syria.

ANSWER KEY:

1) A-1 B-2 C-3 2) A-2 B-3 C-1

3) A-1 B-3 C-2 4) A-3 B-2 C-1

5) A-2 B-3 C-1 6) A-3 B-1 C-2

Matt Roarty wrote this

7) A-1 B-3 C-2 8) A-2 B-1 C-3