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Volume 1, Issue 2 | 9/08/11 - 9/28/11
The
Black Sheep
Tailgating Etiquette: ‘Tis the Season
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
Merritt Rethlake wrote this Don’t you love the smell of Natty in the morning? The season of seasons is finally upon us. It’s the equivalent of Christmas, Mug Night and Shark Week all rolled into one. It’s the time of year when beer bonging at 8AM is not only accepted, but encouraged. It’s a magical time where girls can make dresses out of Iowa State blankets without being questioned. Drink up and get out those cardinal and gold sequin shorts you’ve been hiding because my friends, it’s time to tailgate. Truly a sport in and of itself, tailgating is the precursor to every great football game; to every great decision ever made, really. You think Mr. Snuggie didn’t pregame his brains out with his buddies before that masterpiece hit the infomercial market? And don’t you dare tell me NASA didn’t have a tailgate hooked up to their spaceship before they landed on the moon. Now I know we’re all in agreement – tailgating is the best thing to ever happen to football. But no one wants to be the idiot who’s too hammered to remember his or her own name. I enjoy flip cup played with straight vodka as much as the next person, but remember to keep some sort of a game face on. Read on and discover the ways to protect yourself from total humiliation and rookie mistakes. (Freshmen, take special note.) For the fellas: Don’t forget the food. Food has the potential to be seriously overlooked during a tailgate, when in reality it’s the yin to the yang; the Keith to the Stone; the pong to the bong. You’ll need sustenance as a means of survival for your overly-drunken friends. You’ll want to offer carrot and celery sticks and (if you’re feeling ballsy), some ranch to the super-hot, smashed girls who drunkenly stumble to your lowly tailgate. A side note for conversing with these ladies – take their picture when they ask you to. It takes significantly less time than shotgunning your beer and chances are, they’ll stick around longer if you humor them. But no cat calls, please. Unless you want to attract a
Other stuff
Inside
04: birth of a cult
If you have some free time on your hands this semester, we have an exciting opportunity for you!
garbage can/Ke$ha hybrid, there’s no room for the classic, “Hey baby, can I crack your Bud?” Beers and fists are the only things you should be pounding at this point. Also, if you made the freshman mistake of bringing last night’s beer to your tailgate, pawn it off on someone you don’t like. Or to some lanyard-clad freshman. You should never tailgate with shitty beer. Who wants to drink something as flat as your ex-girlfriend? Get a case and keep it cool. Buy cooler. Bring cooler. Use cooler. So easy, a Hawkeye could do it. For the ladies: While the student lots won’t necessarily be the place to meet your future husband, it will be the ideal place to show off your latest ISU tailgating apparel and the new Camelback you use to transport your Mike’s Hard. Who says girls don’t know anything about football? Well, probably a lot of people, but prove them wrong! Or at least learn how to bullshit your way through a conversation filled with arbitrary words like “blitz” and “snap” and “Astroturf.” Don’t forget to travel in packs. While it might aid in the douchebags’ virtue of the Cheerleader Effect, it’ll keep you and your friends safer from them. Just remember, pregaming is just as important as the actual game, don’t sell yourself short. Finally, dress for success. It’ll be cold, or at least chilly soon. Looking sexy in that dress might feel good when it’s a balmy 72 degrees at noon, but when the sun begins to set your hot body turns cold and I can totally see your nipples, which is good for me and bad for you. A woman can look cute in a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, try it sometime. A word to the wise – tailgating is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t be the dead-weight friend who keeps everyone else from having a good time. Whether you pack the Jack or just pack the snacks, enjoy it! The season doesn’t last forever. So go Koozie up to a tailgate that’ll do ISU proud.
07: True Life: I’m Facebook Obsessed How come we can’t “like” this article?
15: we Interview: Kids These daYS What are kids these days up to? Starting bands called Kids These Days.