The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 15 11/29/12 - 12/5/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_UGA
Poppin’ Pills
Walker Smith wrote this
There are places in this great nation where the freedom to change one’s consciousness is respected and nurtured, sometimes to a beautiful and irresponsible degree. The state of Georgia is not one of those places, and considering the fact that selling alcohol on the Lord’s day actually had vocal opposition, it won’t happen any time before the sun dies and the Earth is a cold and lifeless mass of rock. That said, the pharmaceutical industry spends years and millions of dollars making chemicals that make everything better all the time. Or so their confusing commercials tell me. Something about dancing in white linens and playing guitar in public parks. I mute the television during breaks in shows and mostly dub them with my own scatological versions, so I don’t really know what they’re actually saying. Cialis commercials get pretty dark under my creative direction. Anyway, it shouldn’t be surprising that millions of people get a little extracurricular with these wonder compounds, despite the stern disapproval from the killjoys at the FDA. What better time than finals to take a little medicine for what ails you, even if the fascist in the white coat says no. The go-to drugs around now are usually the bastard children of speed: Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse or whatever it is they’re giving the kindergartners to get them to focus these days. Despite what you may believe based on hysterical Fox news reports, this isn’t a new thing. Back when your parents were barely passing at whatever business program they eventually failed out of, they were taking diet pills to give them the pep to crank out papers and pretend to like literature. The chemicals are related. The kiddy crank you’re taking is an amphetamine derivative, or an outright amphetamine. Same deal back in the eighties. That means they have the same side effects. Take a few, maybe you write faster. Take too much and your brain is a ball of snakes attempting to escape your skull out of the earholes and your blood is made of wolverines. This ends in a jail cell. Also, while they may make you focus, you can never guarantee it will be on your work and not hours of Tetris. Maybe you just want to take the edge off your anxiety about how badly you’re doing in Intro Calculus. This brings us to Xanax. It is designed and intended for use in treating anxiety disorders and is part of the regimen for some people with depression. You are four days late turning in something that is eighty percent of your grade, so you get to popping those Xanny bars. They will of course make sure that you no longer fear anything you should, which means you will never turn it in. Just live in the moment, kid. Also do not combine these with alcohol. Your stupid friends will say “It makes it hit like a hundred times faster bro!” These people are trying to kill you. Say it with me: Downer plus booze equals tombstone. Say it every day into your bathroom mirror. Which brings us to that good old standard of prescription pill abuse: Pain pills. They give your brain’s pleasure center a powerful right hook, as you may remember from getting your wisdom teeth removed. That’s neither here nor there, but be very careful: These are
Spreading Chanukah Cheer
Because what american doesn’t like playing with fire, eating deep fried foods and gambling?
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relaxing and sneakily addictive. There’s a very good reason they call these Hillbilly heroin: They are a hell of a lot of fun, but it’s the kind of fun that ends you up living in a trailer. The college rule of thumb for these is: Only take them if you have some left over from something medical. The same goes for that codeine cough syrup you were given for no good reason. You are not Three Six Mafia, you cannot make this a regular thing. They also shouldn’t have since one of them died. No one is above my rules. While you’re getting your head twisted, keep your head straight. Have fun out there.
what’s inside
Top 10: ways to be sent over the edge leading up to finals
Why snow and weed go together to beautifully.
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Clarke County drivers, here’s lookin’ at you.
Slopes and Dope