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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 6 9/20/12 - 9/26/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_UGA
uga’s insane library renovations Sarra Sedghi wrote this
Are you confused by the library’s new setup? Do you not understand why the printers are no longer on the first floor and frustrated that you have to climb a whole set of stairs to get to a computer? Does the wider hallway remind you of the time you checked yourself into the hospital? Do you have no idea where you’re supposed to return books, even though that sign, complete with clip art, is so helpful? Good news, everyone! Now when you check out a book, you can also check into UGA’s brand new mental ward. No, I’m not talking about the science one or the law one— how the hell did you get in there anyway? And no, the bookstore is not the library. You kind of have to pay for books at that place. You know, the… library one. The main one, that’s it! With free books (that I think you can keep?). Perhaps you have just walked in and no longer have any idea what is going on whatsoever. Never fear. Look for the library attendant wearing the white coat. She’ll lead you to one of the semicircular couches in the back room, where the group therapy sessions for Confused Library Patrons Anonymous (CLPA) take place—although, the last time I checked, talking in a library was discouraged. Despite how desperately some people push for them, renovations are not always a good thing. Look at Bruce Jenner. And I’m sorry for any of the nightmares I might induce, but remember what Heidi Montag looked like after Dr. Frankenstein, Los Angeles’ top plastic surgeon, unleashed his scalpels, collagen, and implant sacs on her body (Does she even count as a human being anymore?)? Such is the case with the library. I used to spend so much time in there. Way too much time. Now I’m afraid to go in, should one of the attendants seize me and decide I’m the perfect subject for a lobotomy—no! I’m not! You’ll never touch my brain, so get your filthy hands off me! The library’s new features include a disturbingly large welcome desk, designed to make checking in and filling prescriptions much easier. Of course, buying Adderall off a friend is
the types of drunks at football games It’s not like you’ll remember meeting them anyway.
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much more exciting and a little easier than waiting in line, especially if you’ve lost your student ID once again. Or you could always scavenge the ground for something. It’s kind of like hunting for treasure, except instead of money you find pills; it’s better! The back of the first floor is equipped with new chairs, which “they” claim provide a higher level of comfort. They actually feel just like chairs in waiting rooms: Slightly low on comfort, and exceedingly scratchy. Caution tape graces the back
what’s inside
top 10 extreme methods of cheating
room, as a reminder for the patients—I mean patrons—to stay away from sharp objects, like the corners of the abandoned computer desks. We can’t have any self-injuries going on so early in the school year, of course. I will say that the new carpet is a plus. It’s serene and has a much nicer pattern than the inside of these new padded rooms on the 6th floor. I think they used to be study rooms, but I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything anymore. I can’t remember how long I’ve been in here.
bartender of the week
hey man, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Kelly at Moonshine just loves it when you wait for her to finish her shift.
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