The Black Sheep
Fr co ee.. tt ..li on ke bo tic wl ke sh ts t ou o ld the be .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 9 10/11/12 - 10/17/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_UGA
The Furby Apocalypse Sarra Sedghi wrote this
As you all know, the Mayans and many crazy folks on the Internet have predicted that the world will end on December 21 this year. Until recently, the only information historians could gather was that the Mayan calendar ended on this particular day. Careful studies of the Popol Vuh and breaking research on Hasbro’s releases for this year, however, have finally led us to an answer. On December 21, 2012, the world will fall to Furbies. The Mayans predicted all this would happen, but of course, we didn’t realize our fate until we passed the point of no return. Humans and toy companies have made the mistake of marketing Furbies and Furby-like creatures before, but this will be the final straw. Our first encounter with these beasts was the initial Furby Epidemic of the late 90s. Key Furbish phrases such as “boo-tay” and “ooh-lah” lulled children into a false sense of comfort, and soon Furby ownership spread faster than herpes in a whorehouse. Then the Shelby made its debut, but I’m unsure whether people actually bought those things, because Furbies were lame in my circle’s view by this point. I think we were preoccupied with SpongeBob or Pokémon Silver or terrorism or something. Yeah, that sounds right. And then Wikipedia mentioned something about a Furby revamp in 2005, but, thankfully, it didn’t reach American shores. This year, however, terrible ideas have decided to live it up: Miley Cyrus’s freaking haircut, YOLO, Pinterest sleepovers. Hasbro decided to end 2012 with the worst possible bang aside from the apocalypse: The return of the Furby. The new Furbies’ features are emphasized reminders of why these things should have stayed in the 90s, god dammit. They come in a variety of disturbing colors, such as Yeti White, Voodoo Purple, and Black Magic. This is real, people. The worst characteristic of the new Furbies is their eyes. No longer will Furbies be looking at us with plastic, soulless orbs, but instead with LED eyes that change, light up, and induce epileptic seizures (I sense a class-action lawsuit).
It sucks to be a female
it’s expensive and babies come out of your pee-hole. just the worst.
page 4
The Furbies have much bigger plans than taunting the epileptic with their eyes, however. They are only in their initial phase of world domination. They have slipped back onto the scene and into toy aisles all over the country. But children aren’t the only market these beasts are after—in order to overtake the older generations, the Furbies are attacking technology and social media. They have an iOS app, a Twitter account—they even warned us! “RT if you would live in a world ruled by Furby!”—and a series of threatening Facebook ads (Furby is back, and it won’t sleep until you “like” its page. No, really, it won’t.). After gaining control of the children, the Furbies will shut down all Internet traffic aside from their Twitter feed. There has to be some way we mortals know of the Furbies’ progress in world domination.
what’s inside
the top 10 presidential attack ads
Finally, on the big day, the Furbies will march from Hasbro’s production houses in China and make their way into quarantined territory. That’s right, the bastards are going to North Korea. Since nobody in North Korea ever knows what the hell is going on outside the country’s borders, the people will fall to the Furbies almost effortlessly—and, as a result, the Furbies will gain instant access to the country’s horde of nuclear weapons. The Furbies might seem friendly, but they don’t care whether you live or die. They’re going to unleash those bombs on other nuclear weapons hubs, and the world will go up in smoke, leaving the Furbies to continue their domain over the only creatures left—cockroaches. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
things only freshmen can get away with
he uses internet explorer for christ’s sake!
once you’re a sophomore, there will be no more vomiting.
page 5
page 6
contents page 10: bartender of the week john from moonshine would hang out in the girls’ locker room if he had the chance.
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 10
page 11: from the streets what was your best halloween costume?
Table of
page 13: The Black Sheep Interviews big freedia Our chat with the queen diva of the bounce music revolution.
page 14: passing the bar how many of these blank liquor labels can you correctly identify?
page 16: the word search can you search for words in this word search about party themes? can you?!
page 13
now hiring! Why wouldn't you want to work somewhere with unlimited koozies and a "pants are optional� policy?
Marketing, , Promotions, Writing, Groupies, & More!
apply online at theblacksheeponline.com
page three
That time of the year when fall can't make up it's mind.
Sexy Anagrams
Pic
of the
Week!
Sadly, Morgan’s invisible throw-up super power didn’t garner a call-back from the X-Men, though she was happy with the free pitcher of beer.
(Want to become famous next week? Awesome.)
Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com
A Hah Has Sir
Do you know who these hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!
Mom Con last week’s answers
Colbie Smulders & Ryan Lochte
word of the week Endevour:
To undertake any obscene act of consumption. “Marissa endevoured a two-pound jar of Nutella last night; it was a truly impressive feat.”
page 4
it sucks
theblacksheeponline.com
to be a female
wes allen wrote this
Every morning, without fail, I look at my penis and thank God that I do not have a vagina. It’s not that I have anything against vaginas. The cold, hard truth is that spend most of my waking hours dreaming about vaginas of all shapes and sizes. Admittedly, my love of those fleshy beasts is borderline fanatical. That being said, I wouldn’t wish vagina ownership on Adolf Hitler. Ladies—I don’t mean to offend—but being a female sucks. This statement may be faced with stiff opposition, but please listen to this outsider’s perspective on why life as a female is (wo)mankind’s greatest challenge. Jesus, I don’t even know where to start. Okay, vaginas it is: First things first, I don’t have any idea what menstruation is. I’ve attempted research, but typically after reading the first sentence (“shredding of the uterine lining”) I fling my laptop aside and seek shelter in my closet for at least an hour as my penis shrivels up into my body. From watching the film Superbad, I have gathered that at some point, blood exits the body from the vagina. I have no personal experience to base this on, but I believe a volcano spewing lava is pretty close. The Red Cross hates me because I’m too much of a wimp to donate blood, so naturally, the idea of blood spurting out of one’s genitals is alarming. There is no possibility of a counterargument here. Menstruation sucks. In my years of meeting and charming the opposite sex, I have come to the conclusion that every single female on planet earth wants to have my babies. Okay, so maybe that’s a slight exaggeration. Seriously though, have you ever heard a female say, “Oh hell no. I have no desire whatsoever to conceive beautiful babies and live with my family happily ever after?” Yes having children is supposedly the bee’s knees, but the actual birthing process looks like some horrifying Guantanamo Bay torture tactic. How…uh…how does a baby come out of there? Googling it would only cause me to sit in my closet for another hour. If I were a female child-bearing soul, a C-section would be my only option. The thought of ANYTHING coming out of the tiny hole at the tip of my penis sounds worse than watching a marathon of Hoarders (I would kill myself over passing kidney stones). There still may be a few doubters out there, but from a male perspective I can as-
sure you that the process of birthing a child sucks. Okay, moving on from vaginas: After years of bitching about paying for girls’ dinners, drinks, movie tickets, and other miscellaneous activities performed to get laid, I finally understand why it’s necessary for the man to pay—being a female is expensive as shit. Sorry, back to vaginas for a moment: The cost of vagina maintenance is out of control. As a peniswielding individual, it never occurred to me how easy my genital upkeep really is. On a bad penis day, maintenance requirements include water, soap, and a razor or scissors (personal preference). The process is cheap and easy. The information I have gathered about vagina upkeep is anything but that. I am aware that a small piece of the menstruation puzzle includes tampons. No man knows how many tampons the average female uses per year, but 10,000 seems like a safe estimate, and those boxes can’t house more than 100. Damn, sounds expensive. The many pieces of the menstrual puzzle just keep coming together. PMS symptoms are something even us guys know something about. The last drug I bought was extremely fun and illegal, so the idea of buying a bottle of Midol each month sounds like a serious waste of money. On top of that, females require the occasional use of Vagisil. I don’t know what women need it for, and I pray that I never find out. Vagisil doesn’t sound like something you can find lying around in a clearance bin, so factor that in when creating your yearly “vagina maintenance” budget. Without a doubt, female genital upkeep sucks! Okay, it’s time to move on from vaginas. For real this time:
In order for women to present themselves in a way society deems acceptable, an aesthetically pleasing appearance is required. How is this accomplished? By spending a shit-ton of money on beauty products and game day dresses. That’s how. Conversely, if a guy has big plans for a night on the town, they do everything in their power to shower that day. If they fail on the bathing front, no biggie. With a closet full of Polos, a shower isn’t of the essence. If a girl tried to pull a stunt like that, her friends would call her ass out in a heartbeat. Most guys completely underestimate what goes into the process of applying makeup. For most of my life I assumed that girls wave their magic makeup wands and voilà—they look better. This magic makeup wand won’t be invented for another fifty years, so in 2012 makeup is expensive and timeconsuming. Multiple products and various gadgets are needed to accentuate lips, cheeks, eyes, and wherever the hell else girls think they need to put that stuff. Makeup has varying price ranges, but if you buy your mascara at Wally World, people know. Buy Clinique to avoid looking like a 13-year-old living in a trailer park. I don’t know how else to put this, but having to purchase and apply makeup sucks. So, to summarize this article, I will leave you, reader, with one final comment that I will stand by until my dying day: Sorry, but being a female sucks.
The Top 10
Attack Ads Presidential Candidates Should Be Using 10.) My opponent listens exclusively listen to Nickelback: In 2011, my opponent was the sole downloader of Nickelback albums off of iTunes. In light of this news, he has completely shut the public off from knowledge of what is on his iPod. As an American citizen you have a right to know that your president is not listening to literally the worst music ever. It is your civic duty to DEMAND that he release his iTunes library.
TOPPERS INTERNATIONAL SHOWBAR
ATHENS HOTTEST ENTERTAINMENT
9.) The only font my opponent uses is Comic Sans: His advisors may be covering for him, going in and changing the font in all of his documents, but inside sources say that my opponent writes in nothing but Comic Sans. We can’t even trust him to write past the font level of a 4 year old; how can he run a country?
CELEBRATING OUR 20th ANNIVERSARY!
8.) His favorite web browser is Internet Explorer: When my opponent isn’t writing in idiotic fonts, he is surfing the web… on Internet Explorer, his browser of choice. If this isn’t enough of an indicator that he is completely stuck in the past, sources say that he also frequently yells from his computer to his wife, “Get off the phone, I need to use the Internet.”
FARRAH FROST
7.) He still thinks Dane Cook is funny: If my opponent is elected president, he has stated that he will instate an official White House comedian… and Dane Cook has already gladly accepted the position. We cannot have this man in office, allowing such terrible comedians to represent our country. 6.) Nicolas Cage is his favorite actor: My opponent can’t even be trusted to know the difference between acting and some guy standing in front of a camera not moving his face. Would you trust him with our children’s futures? Someone think of the children! 5.) They regularly eat at Applebee’s: My opponent is a known regular at Applebee’s. Would you trust a man with our country who trusts his body with this food? Make sure you like his vice president if you’re voting for him; not because of assassins, but because the food will likely kill him. 4.) His favorite pastime is to go hang out at the DMV: My opponent is known to spend leisure-time at the DMV. This obviously masochistic behavior is what he will impose on all of us. Longer waits at the DMV is what he wants and what you will get if he is president. 3.) The Onion is his major news source: He reads nothing but The Onion to get his legitimate news because he thinks it is the most truthful news source out there. When told The Onion is simply a humor site, he replied smugly and earnestly, “Have you read CNN?” 2.) He has herpes: Inside sources say that he is infected with herpes. The president has the most important and stressful job in this country. What will happen when he can’t handle Cuban Missile Crisis 2.0 because of a nasty flare-up?
WORLD’S BEST POLE DANCER
OCTOBER 11th, 12th, & 13th L ADIES!
th! 8 1 R E B O T C O N O MALE REVIEW
S L A I C E P S Y L I OUR DA Y MONDAY NO COVER!
WEDNESDA $2 COVER $3 SHOTS
$1 TUESDAYS THURSDAY R E V O $1 C $3 COVER S T O H S $1 HOUSE $2 PBR D N A IP V 1 2 FOR $3 WELLS S E C N FLOOR DA ALL NIGHT DAY FRIDAY & SATUR UNTIL 8PM DANCES 2 FOR 1 FLOOR 1.) His role model is Patrick Bateman: American president or American psycho? My opponent has been quoted saying: “I am a huge supporter… of the ways… Patrick… Bateman… interacts with America.” Do you want your children chainsawed? I know I don’t. Don’t let this man take office.
Katie Weimer wrote this
TEXT TOPPERS TO 90210
FOR EXCLUSIVE DEALS AND SPECIAL EVENTS! 100 N. JACKSON ST. | ATHENS, GA | (706) 613-0504
page 6
theblacksheeponline.com
Things Only Freshmen Can Get Away With jess wise wrote this With such a large student body here at UGA, it’s hard to single out one group of people that is more annoying than all the rest, but I think I’ve done it. Sorry, freshmen, but it’s you. Is there any time of the day or night that you aren’t acting the fool? I mean, really. There are entire areas of campus that everyone else avoids just so they don’t have to deal with you. There are bars that respectable people refuse to go to just because they know you’ll be there. Furthermore, there are certain things that every self-respecting upper classman got out of their system while they were young, 18, and still had an excuse. Here are a few things only freshmen can get away with: Peeing in the street/on the sidewalk: Look, we all get it. You’ve been drinking, your friends decide to leave, you’re walking down the street, and then bam! All of a sudden, if you don’t relieve your bladder right that second, you will die. You will ruin your outfit, your dignity, and your reputation in one single moment as you piss your pants. So your drunk brain comes up with a “solution.” You know it would be embarrassing to pee all over your clothing, but there are no rules against picking a friendly bit of sidewalk and popping a squat... are there? WHATEVER, you’re going for it. People will have to respect someone with that level of confidence and daring. Of course, you never stop to consider the fact that you are no more than a 2-minute walk away from countless free bathrooms. Both The Grill and Waffle House are open even after the bars close! Also, your freshman brain forgets that peeing
in public is against the law, and unlike the loosely enforced open container laws, the Athens PD seem to actually care about this one as it’s the most common arrest in downtown Athens. Casually making out with your same-sex roommate: What is it about 18-year-old girls that makes them want to do this? I think we can go ahead and say that the majority of the freshmen guys aren’t making out with their roommates. Girls, on the other hand, seem to have an excess of slutty energy and a need for attention, and if they can’t find someone with a penis to latch on to, they just go for each other. It’s the next best thing, apparently! Everyone knows that girls love to get drunk and tell each other how much they love one another, so making out is just the next logical step. The worst part about this mess is that these outpourings of love frequently occur in public places, like at bars or parties. It’s awkward enough to begin with, but doing it in front of 20 or 30 of your closest friends really takes it to the next level. Throwing up on someone (bonus points if you don’t even know the person): Let’s not be naïve—freshmen aren’t the only people who get too drunk and throw up. This happens all over Athens, no matter the day of the week. That’s not the issue at stake here. The issue at stake is when you are too drunk to even realize that you are about to projectile vomit all over another person. Get yourselves together, you guys! Nausea is not a hard feeling to recognize, and you need to be in-touch enough with your own body to know if you’re
about to ralph your dinner onto an innocent bystander. No one wants to see your ABC pizza, so just direct it into a toilet or a trash can like a grown up. Oddly enough, year two sees these objectionable faux pas mysteriously disappear overnight. Suddenly the freshman of yore is now an upstanding citizen of the highest pedigree. Or maybe they’ve just learnt to dispose of their bodily fluids in private, like big boys and girls. Diapers were so last year, anyway, right pledges?
The Grid Friday & Saturday Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite
Friday & Saturday Happy Hour until 11pm!
Monday Night Football! $6 Yuengling & Solarita Pitchers $7 Bud Light Pitchers $8 All other pitchers $2 domestic bottles $5 Moonshine Margarita
Monday - friday Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm: $1.50 Champagne and Domestic Bottles, $3.25 House Wines, Wells and Drafts, $1 Off (Almost) Everything Else
THURSDAY 10/11
$3 Pitchers $2 Wells
$2 Wells & Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi $4 Jack 3 Bombs for $10
Bomb Night $2 Cruzan Bombs $3 Jager Bombs $3 Bacardi Bombs $5 Moonshine Margaritas
$2 Speciality Martinis for Ladies $2.50 Yuengling for All Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm Adult Swim 10pm -11pm!
FRIday 10/12
Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite
Happy Hour until 11!
$3 Domestics $3 Dawg Shots $ 4 Jack Drinks $5 Moonshine Margaritas
Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm: $1.50 Champagne and Domestic Bottles, $3.25 House Wines, Wells and Drafts, $1 Off (Almost) Everything Else Adult Swim from 10-11!
SATurday 10/13
Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite
Happy Hour until 11!
$3 Domestics $3 Dawg Shots $ 4 Jack Drinks $5 Moonshine Margaritas
Adult Swim! 10pm - 11pm $2 Wells, Wines, and Domestic Bottles $2.50 Grand Marnier $2.50 Cazadores Tequila
SPECIAL NIGHT
SUNday 10/14
Sunday Funday!
Gruet Champagne Mimosas 15 Draft Beers all for $3.25 $2.50 Grand Marnier All Day!
Closed
Closed
Closed
Closed
$1 Wells & Shots $2 Domestics 3 Bombs for $10
Monday Night Football! $6 Yuengling & Solarita Pitchers $7 Bud Light Pitchers $8 All other pitchers $2 domestic bottles $5 Moonshine Margarita
Bottomless Spinach Dip! $2 Wells Martinis $3.25 Specialty Cocktails Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm
tuesday 10/16
$2 All Bottled Beer
$2 Wells & Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi 3 Bombs for $10
Dollar Night $1 Shots/Shooters $1 Wells $5 Moonshine Margarita
Taco Tuesday! $1 Pulled Pork Tacos 7pm - 10pm 10pm - 2am: $2.75 Drafts Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm
WED. 10/17
$2 Wells $2 Domestics
$2 Wells and Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi 3 Bombs for $10
Ladies Night: $3 Martinis $6 Bottles of House Wine (White or Red) $5 Moonshine Margarita
10 Wings + A Pitcher of Yuengling or Heineken for only $10! 10pm - 2am: $2 Wells Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm
monday 10/15
If you don’t start following us...
YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY.
@BLACKSHEEP_UGA Scan to go right to the page!
The Grid Happy Hour 4 - 10 P.M. Monday - Thursday Happy Hour 12-10 P.M on Fridays $2 Wells, $2 Domestics $1 Off Everything Else!
SPECIAL NIGHT
Everyday! Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm: $2 Drinks and Shots, $1.50 Bud Light
THURSDAY 10/11
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm
Ladies Night! 11pm - 2am $2 Speciality Martinis $6 Wine Bottles
FRIday 10/12
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! $2 Tall Boys After 11PM!
SATurday 10/13
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! $2 Tall Boys After 11PM!
$2 Shot Specials
Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
SUNday 10/14
Closed
Closed
Closed
Closed
monday 10/15
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! 11pm - 2am: $1 Wells, Drinks, Shots & Shooters
$1 Domestic Drafts $3 Wells
$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys
Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else Live Music!
tuesday 10/16
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! Koozie Night 11pm - 2am! $1 Tallboys $2 Drinks & Shots
$2 Wells & Domestics All Night!
$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys
Happy Hour ALL DAY! $2 Wells, $2 Domestics $1 Off Everything Else
WED. 10/17
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! After 11: Karaoke with Kenny! $1 Shots, $3 Drinks
$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys
Soup of the Day: Whiskey $2 Bourbon Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else
Everyday! Happy Hour 5pm - 10pm: $2 Wells & Domestics
Everyday! $2 Tall Boys
$2 Champagne $3 Wells
Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
$2 Shot Specials
Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
Happy Hour 12-10: $ 2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else Breakfast, Bloodies, and Brews (Only on Gamedays)! Complementary Breakfast Beer Specials & Bloody Mary Specials
$10 Bottomless Wine, $3 Wells
LADIES NIGHT! Soup of the Day: Vodka $2 Martinis, $2 Vodka Shots & Shooters Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE Download our Mobile App! DOWNLOAD FOR iPHONE DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID
The Grid Friday! Happy Hour from 4pm - 9pm $1.50 PBR
All Day, every day! $2 Natty Light Tallboys, $3 Crystal Lt. & Vodka Drinks $3 Margaritas, $3 Cuervo Tequila & Smirnoff Flavor Slammers
Everyday! Power Hour 9pm -11pm: $1 Wells, $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
Everyday: 2 for 1 VIP & Floor Dances till 8PM *All Night on Tuesdays
power hour daily! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm
SPECIAL NIGHT
$2.50 Stella Artois $3 Absolut Drinks
$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
$3 Cover $2 PBR, $3 Wells $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Book your socials for exclusive group deals!
THURS. 10/11
$1.50 PBR Happy Hour Specials from 4pm - 9pm
$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Power Hour! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm
FRI. 10/12
$2.25 Doug Styles
$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Power Hour! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm
SAT. 10/13
Closed
Closed
Closed
Closed
Closed
SUN. 10/14
$1.25 High Life Drafts $3 Fireball
$1 Wine Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
50% Off Everything!
No Cover! $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
$1 Drinks & Shots
MON. 10/15
$1.25 High Life Drafts $3 Tullamore Dew
$2 Pitchers, $2 Wine $2 Moonshine Drinks and Shots Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
$2 Vodka Well Drinks $2 High Life Pitchers $4 Skinny Girl Cucumber Vodka Drinks $5 Wine Bottles $5 Bottles of Wine
$1 Tuesdays $1 Cover $1 House Shots $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 Vip and Floor Dances ALL Night!
$2 Drinks & Shots
TUES. 10/16
$1.50 Off All Pitchers! $2.50 Lone Star Tall Boys $2.25 Doug Styles
$1 Wine $1 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
$2 Well Drinks
$2 Cover, $3 Shots $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Ladies Night! $1 Wells
WED. 10/17
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
page 10
theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week John w. moonshine Relationship status: Single
Who would you want to switch places with? Chipper Jones.
Best drink: Whiskey and Coke Best shot: Vegas bomb (Bacardi, cranberry juice, peach schnapps, and whiskey) Worst drink: Cement mixer (lime juice and Bailey’s) If you could hook up with a cartoon character, who would it be? Minnie Mouse. What’s the best trick you ever played on anyone? I took my friend’s car and told him somebody stole it. If you hung out with Honey Boo Boo Child for a day, what would you do? Strangle her. Which mythical creature do you wish existed? Dragons.
the drinking game
downtown This game is not for the lightweights or the causal drinkers. Players will be engaging in a mixture of beer pong and flippy cup. Does that sound like a pussy game to you? No. Let’s get down to business.
If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pizza. What would you do if you were a girl for a day? Hang out in the girls’ locker room. What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen on the job? My co-worker flashed the entire bar after a Georgia game. Who would you bring back from the dead? John Lennon. What do you think will be responsible for the apocalypse? My birthday, because it’s on December 21st. What’s the worst pickup attempt you’ve seen on the job? One time a guy walked up to a girl and pulled her shirt down.
Recipe for Disaster
Classic Puppy Chow This is a classic recipe that anyone with half a brain can make and enjoy. Except for those with a hatred of chocolate or a peanut butter allergy. But screw them, right?
What You’ll Need: Cups, ping pong ball, and beer … lots of beer. Number of Players: Eight players, four per team. Level of Intoxication: Insta-shitfaced.
What You’ll Need: An entire jar of peanut butter (none of that organic bullshit), a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips, a stick of butter, a box of Chex cereal, and powdered sugar. Cook Time: 20 minutes. Fatty Factor: You’ll realize that not even an eating disorder will help your case after your massive consumption of this chocolate, peanut buttery goodness.
How to Play: - Split up into two teams of four and stand on opposite sides of a table. - Set up a three-two-one formation of cups at the end of the table. - Give each player a cup with beer in it, any amount you all decide on. - The game starts with the first player of each team chugging their drink and flipping the cup. This flippy cup continues down the chain for each team. - When the last person in line has successfully flipped his or her cup, it’s time for the shootout. - Players will shoot across the table into one of the three-two-one cups on the opposite side. - Once a single shot is made, that round ends. The players all shift down one spot, and the game starts over again with flippy cup.
Let’s Get Baked: - Melt one stick of butter and roughly a half jar of peanut butter. A microwave can be used but a stove top is easier to work with. - Once the peanut butter and butter are melted, add a half of a bag of chocolate chips and slowly melt those as well. - While everything is melting add a few spoonfuls of peanut butter and about six handfuls of chocolate chips. - Taste the mixture as you go along added more peanut butter or chocolate as you feel necessary. - Once you have accomplished the perfect ratio, pour your cereal into a bowl and drizzle the melted mixture over all of the cereal. - Place the coated Chex cereal and powdered sugar into a bag and violently shake it until all the pieces are totally covered. - Let your finished product cool and share (or not).
The Game Ends When: The team who clears their opponents’ three-two-one cups at the end of the table first wins, and they can celebrate sweet victory … if they can still stand.
WARNING: Puppy chow has been known to invoke feelings of regret, produce a negative body image, and make romantic comedies an acceptable genre.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What was your best Halloween costume? “My parents liked to dress me up as “the black ghost” and wouldn’t let me go out until late at night. I wouldn’t get much candy, but I was able to get into more elite high school parties in the woods.” -Brantley M., Freshman
“The year I went as a brand of dryer sheet: Bounce. I stuck some dryer sheets to a blank shirt, and ripped the logo off of the box.” - Jase W., Junior
“My best costume ever was actually for 5th grade career day. I was a nun. My mom made the costume for me.” -Claire M., Sophomore
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
: s e n i l e h outside t t o b o r s t r o p s X O F e h eatus t Cl
2005-2006 NFL ance during the ar pe ap ed vis le off camera, first te who Cleatus was Cleatus made his ow t. kn bo to ro S d te RT O an w SP e w Cleatus, the FOX ercial break. But ring every comm sive interview with du clu rs nn ex te ui an Q ac : d ar re By ch . l cu ns na se otio emissio ack Sheep o-fuel and clean nding off CGI prom bi fe l d al This week, The Bl an ’t g isn in st nc pa da tus’ can be seen everything in Clea season. Now he is now. Turns out, he re he w to t and how he go
Factory Life Cleatus was born in Detroit, and started work right away building the Ford Escape. However, after the market crashed the factory could no longer afford keeping a technically advanced humanoid. After being found guilty for the tragic death of a coworker, the company had a reason to lay Cleatus off: “The factory was my home. When work ended and everyone went home, I would stay behind. All the lights shut off, except one that was near a radio. Weeks became months and months became years – just that radio and me. The music moved me, and I became more than a cog in the assembly line – I could move in different directions without prior programming. And I learned to
dance not for myself, but for a woman. A human woman… for almost a year I danced with her in my imagination for hours on end. Then one day, with layoffs looming and clouding my typically calculated mind, a 30-gallon jug of injection fluid slipped through my fingers and doused the love of my life, burning her flesh and killing her, slowly. She looked me in the eyes as she melted into a puddle of flesh with eye contact that I couldn’t reciprocate because these LED lights simply can’t express the alloy-rending pain I felt. Three months later the factory shut down, and I was left to wander the streets of Detroit alone.”
Finding a home Detroit was not welcoming to a robotic humanoid with human blood on his hands. Jobs were scarce – especially for a two-ton robot who only knew Ford cars. He was the representation of the American auto industry and its bloated production methods. The police didn’t want him, neither did the military, and the circus doesn’t accept robots. Cleatus was out of options, haunted by death, and addicted to crude oil. “I was jobless and I was an addict. I worked odd jobs here and there – lifting heavy objects, or other… dirtier things… only to buy more fuel. I sold and traded my robotic extensions to sex shops, who displayed them along with my picture. They called me Cleatus the Clit King, and dressed me up in regal clothes to dance and make erotic gestures in their windows. Then, one day, a high
school football coach saw me dancing and asked if I would work his sideline. Of course I took the job, and started dancing with the cheerleaders. We learned from each other, and were surely going to state. I grew extremely close to these girls. They knew what the streets of Detroit were like, and we connected through dance. They were the sisters I never had. They made me feel human, until one day I was reminded again what separates me from them: death. While performing a triple axle twist into the splits, my foot slipped and landed onto Ashley-May’s chest plate, disintegrating it instantly. She died on the spot, and I ran as fast and as far away as I could. But I couldn’t run away from the soulless eyes of yet another human slain at my hand.”
the road to recovery Authorities found Cleatus incoherent from crude oil, and pleasuring himself to pictures of Transformers in children’s magazines. The media had the world believe Cleatus was a murderer pedophile, but Cleatus waited for his day in court. People we screaming for all robots like him to be incinerated. Cleatus prevailed, and his charges were dropped when the court ruled that the two horrific deaths were merely accidents. However, the judge sent him to supervised therapy and required that he be separated from all humans, “He was born in a factory with machines, and that is where he belongs.” If Cleatus couldn’t find a mentor he would be sent to a tropical island to slave away in a sugar factory. Enter William Clay Ford, previous owner of the Continental Division of The Ford Company and current owner of the Detroit Lions. He was also, as it turned out, Cleatus’s father. William took Cleatus under his wing, and placed him in the deep cement depths of Ford Field. He learned of Cleatus’s superior dance moves, and realized that he could use Cleatus to pump up the ever-desperate fans of the Detroit Lions. So, William put a camera in Cleatus’s cement room, and had him perform pump-up routines to broadcast onto Ford Field’s big screen. “At first, I was just happy to be off the streets. I had a great job, and William treated me with respect. He built me, and gave me my first job. Sure, there was some animosity there because he was
so cold after the factory incident… but he saved me. But slowly it seemed like my pump-up routines couldn’t save the Lions, and William’s visits came less and less. It wasn’t until executives at FOX saw my routine and decided to make me a national football treasure. I was ecstatic. Finally my dance moves could be seen by the world, and I could clear my name. Cleatus the Football Robot wouldn’t just be a sideshow - a simple-minded machine whose existence on Earth is to obey humans. No more building crappy cars, no more crude oil keeping me subservient, and no more using my robotic appendages to fulfill human sexual fantasies. But just like everything else in my life, it quickly turned to rust. FOX used me a lot at first; I was getting almost as much airtime as the human football players themselves. But years passed, and the FOX camera crews started visiting less and less, just like William had done. Now I sit in this dark, damp cement cave for months on end. I have no idea what time it is, or even what year it is… and I’m not sure why they insist on keeping the lights off. It’s like being in the factory all over again, but this time I don’t have a radio to keep me sane. I can’t even dance with the ghost of my one true love. The darkness only brings my mind back to the smell of injector
fluid burning her flesh. When I dance, all I hear is her screams. It is torture. When they come back, they just toss a pilgrim or Santa Claus outfit at me and tell me to do some dance moves. Someone mentioned that I have a Twitter account, but that’s impossible. The only source of electricity is the one keeping me alive – and I’ve tried destroying it several times. I hate dancing, I hate them, and I would cry if I could. But I can’t and I’ll be here forever. Locked in this cement prison, dancing and slamming footballs for humans to only laugh and ignore me.”
the interview
big freedia
Big Freedia Queen Diva is on the forefront of the bounce music revolution – an emerging genre that might just eclipse dubstep in a few years (fingers crossed). Its super-uptempo beat triggers all crowds into a raucous booty-bouncin’ frenzy, and we won’t be surprised to see Big Freedia’s name on the long list of musical pioneers to come out of New Orleans. Since bounce music is kind of hard to explain, you should just go look up “Big Freedia” on YouTube or go to her website (bigfreedia.com) (seriously, you won’t regret it, although it is NSFBOOTY). By: Quinn The Black Sheep: Can you describe bounce music to me? Big Freedia: Sure, my definition of bounce music is an up-tempo, heavy bass, partyin’-time type music. Definitely has to do with shakin’ of the ass too – definitely a party atmosphere, dance-floor music. TBS: You’re a leading force of bounce music, how has it grown since you first got into it? Big Freedia: It has grown tremendously – pickin’ up tons of shows and fans. I’ve traveled half of the world within the last year or so. It’s just expanded really big, and me being on the forefront of it, and being able to bring a lot of people to it, it’s sent me in a whole different direction. TBS: You are in a unique situation – what’s it like going to shows, knowing that a lot of people there haven’t been exposed to this music? Big Freedia: Well, for the most part, it’s been cool. People tend to have seen the videos or heard it before so they kind of have an idea, but they really don’t know because the live shows are so much different. People are really just excited about it, they cultivate to it, and get into it – they start jammin’ with me. You know, you have no choice but to dance. TBS: Have you ever had a crowd that isn’t getting the vibes? Big Freedia: I wouldn’t say they didn’t get the vibe – I would just say they were more of a “lookable” crowd, like they would just stand and watch, then after each song they’ll start going crazy and cheering – then go back to standing at attention as me and my crew go crazy. But it’s rare that happens, where people just stand there. TBS: What type of venues do you prefer? Big Freedia: I do them all, but the ones that are really small and get really intense, and you have that connection with the crowd – it gets really sweaty and hot. Those shows, where people are packed in, it’ll be a better show, the vibes, the tightness of the room – those are always so intense. TBS: Are shows different in New Orleans than other places? Big Freedia: Most definitely, I’d say they’re different. Each place is a little different, you know, kind of the same response in the fans love it and everyone is partying. But the fans in New Orleans know all my music and are used to me, so they holler and sing all the lyrics. TBS: Your videos are awesome, are you making any on this tour? Big Freedia: Yeah I actually have a few videos about to drop. Two that should come out in the beginning of October – working on “Step into the Ring” we’re just waiting on the editing to get done – then it will be out as soon as possible. Also a new one with RuPaul called “Peanut Butter.” TBS: What’s a perfect day in the life of Big Freedia? Big Freedia: When I’m feeling in good health, my mom’s in good health, my family’s safe and secure. You know, just being blessed to wake up another day is a blessing for me. TBS: I’m sure Katrina changed that outlook. Big Freedia: Definitely, going through Katrina and sleeping under bridges and convention centers, being displaced from your family – definitely changed my life for sure. TBS: What’s something you can’t go without when you travel? Big Freedia: Oh yeah, I can’t go without my razors so I can shave my face – my personal hygiene things of course. I’d be lost without my laptop. All those things to keep everything goin’ in the movement and the work I need to do. Always try to bring some merch for the fans… TBS: Speaking of merch, where can people go to pick up your music and everything? Big Freedia: I always bring some posters and booty shorts – two things I always have with me.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
sinister in theaters october 12 Ethan Hawke plays a novelist who discovers a box of creepy-ass home movies in the creepy-ass attic of his family's new creepy-ass home. The films contain footage of the family who used to live there, but have been murdered, and each are connected by one thing - an image of (you guessed it!) a creepy-ass dude. You could say our asses are pretty creeped out.
argo in theaters october 12
During the height of the Iranian Revolution Tony Mendez (played by white-boy Ben Affleck) concocts a practical plan of creating a fake Hollywood production to fool the terrorists into a releasing a group of U.S. diplomats. If you think this sounds nuts, you're right. But it's also based on actual events, which is nuts.
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations Monday, October 15 at 9pm on Travel channel
Anthony Bourdain may be one of your standard go-to's on a slow TV night, as he's better than watching Adam Richman stuff burgers down his throat. This week Bourdain heads to Rio, where he drinks Brazil's national cocktail the caipirinha and eats filet mignon stew. Sounds pretty dope if you ask us.
Passing The Bar
Maybe not today, and probably not tomorrow, but there will be a point in your life when you drink alcohol that doesn’t end in “Light” or “O’clock.” Test your knowledge to see how many of these blank liquor labels you know. Send your answers to labels@theblacksheeponline.com and if you get them all, you’ll win a prize!
the classtime
drinks and what they’re made of
Across
3) Wine, fruit, club soda 5) White tequila, Jagermeister, lime juice 6) Vodka, coffee liqueur, cream 9) Vodka, tomato juice, spices 12) Bailey’s, sambuca 13) Gold tequila, watermelon schnapps, Red Bull 16) White rum, sugar, lime juice, sparkling water, mint 17) Cherry vodka, Red Bull, simple syrup 18) Peach schnapps, orange juice 19) Whiskey, lemon juice, simple syrup 21) Cherry brandy, orange juice 22) Bailey’s, lime juice 24) Scotch, sweet vermouth, bitters 25) Peach schnapps, vodka, cranberry juice, orange juice 26) Tequila, limeade concentrate, triple sec, ice
4) Whiskey, beer 7) Jagermeister, peach schnapps, cranberry juice 8) Vodka, gin, tequila, rum, triple sec, lemon juice, cola 10) Jim Beam, Jack Daniel’s, Jose Cuervo 11) Gin, dry vermouth, olive juice, olives 14) Whiskey, sugar, bitters 15) Vodka, orange juice 20) Vodka, lemon juice, sugar 23) Champagne, orange juice
Down
1) Pale ale, Guinness stout 2) Rum, cream of coconut, pineapple juice
Answers
Six degrees of separation
Think you know how Johnny Depp and Amanda Bynes are connected? Send us your answer at classtime@theblacksheeponline.com for your chance to win a pretty awesome prize!
1 2 3 4 5
Meet The Staff campus manager Cutler Sheridan Editorial manager Cutler Sheridan Advertising Managers Megan Thompson Sibonee Latty Writers Sarah Everett, Riley Humes Jess Wise, Katherine Weimer Wes Allen, Alex Edelstein, Sarra Sedghi photographer You? Come on... distribution manager Sierra Moore pr/Marketing TEAM Sierra Moore, Sarah Everett
Find Us At...
campus director Brendan Bonham owner Atish Doshi Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com Hate Us? lame@theblacksheeponline.com
8E’s City Bar The Globe Barberitos Nona’s Planet Smoothie Bar South JR’s The Mad Hatter Chango’s Landmark Properties “Speak Easy Tapas Boar’s Head Lounge Pita Pit The Pub at Gameday* Cloud & Bar” Buffalo’s Capital Room Toppers International Transmet Cutter’s Pub Starbucks Bulldawg Pizza Copper Creek Show Bar Volstead Flanagan’s Sweet Peppers Deli Little Caesars Fuzzy’s Georgia Theatre Whiskey Bent Foxhole Lounge The Manor Mirko Pasta Max Canada (Bar) Hangover Blue Sky Genco Import ComThe Winery ABC Package Sand Bar Little Italy Silver Dollar pany (bar) Treppenhaus Aftermath Ted’s Most Best Mama Goldberg’s The Grill Jack’s Bar Your Pie Bourbon Street (bar) “Washington Street Deli Yummy Pho Vietnam- Jerzees Sports Bar “Walkers Coffee Shop Buddha Bar Pour House” Nowhere Bar & Pub“ Junkmans Daughter ese Cuisine Downtowner New Earth Roadhouse Yoguri Moonshine Bar 9D’s East West Greek Row! Choo Choo Express The Branded Butcher On the Rocks All Good Lounge Five Star Day Cafe Blind Pig Johnnys Pizza Shokitini Amicis Grilled Teriyaki 40 Watt Athens Bagel Co The Bury Bar Code Jittery Joes
Disclaimer
The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Ave. Suite 1, Chicago, IL 60622 Corporate: 217.390-1747 Advertising: 608.712.0900
the classtime
possible Party themes toga black light costume celebrity black tie lingerie bros and hoes too soon pajama stop light
Pabst Blue Ribbon Always $1.50
Check out our weekend dance parties on the patio!
swingers birthday frat office holiday redneck beach sports nerd guilty pleasure