Volume 1, Issue 3 | 11/16/11 - 11/30/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com
The
F st ree.. eal .lik fro e e m h ver om yth e o ing ver yo bre u’ll ak!
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
surviving thanksgiving break at home Sarah J. Gatsby wrote this
It was only a few short months ago that our parents were dropping us off at school with sage advice like “study hard,” and “make good choices.” Since then, we’ve slowly devolved and most of those good manners mom taught us are nowhere to be found. Sooner rather than later, expect college students roaming the street. With Thanksgiving Break approaching, it’s time to start preparing for the return home because, as we all know, some college behavior just doesn’t translate well with the parents. Your dad will not be as understanding as your roommate when he witnesses your walk of shame. Mom is not likely to appreciate you pregaming Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family. And drunken debating the best Pinnacle Vodka flavor with your grandmother tend to be awkward come morning. So, why the hell are we thankful for this holiday again? Here’s how you’ll survive Thanksgiving Break. Okay, first of all: Food. It’s what the Thanksgiving holiday is about, after all. Or something like that. The Thanksgiving feast is pretty much the eighth wonder of the world: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie—basically a food orgasm. The leftovers from this epic meal will likely sustain you for the remainder of the week, but if it doesn’t, your parents’ pantry probably has better options than your usual Ramen or Hot Pocket (also of note: their liquor cabinet is definitely more well-stocked than yours, so act accordingly). Take advantage of the free meals out and mom’s home cooking while you can. Running into old classmates from high school over Thanksgiving Break is unavoidable. Some of these are welcome reunions, but others not so much. One way to pass the time at the next inevitable get-together: see which friends have gained weight, have ugly new boyfriends, and got knocked up. It’s like your own reality TV show. Not all hometown encounters have to be bad though. For example, revisiting your old high school hook-up could prove very advantageous to you. But try to avoid the jerk that dumped you senior
Other stuff
Inside
04: dining halls
and how much we love you when we’re hungover.
year because he wanted to “find himself” in college; he’s still a douche. Forget about Black Friday; Black Wednesday is where it’s at. For those of you didn’t know, Black Wednesday is the night before Thanksgiving Day and is one of the biggest partying days of the year. It is a no-holds-barred night of debauchery, all in the name of prepping for the long weekend ahead. One stipulation of Black Wednesday is to make sure you don’t overindulge, as there is nothing worse than being so hungover come Thanksgiving, that you can’t stomach your favorite sweet potato casserole. Black Wednesday is about having a night of fun before the familial fracas, not ruining Thanksgiving by puking on Grandma’s fine Chinaware. If you’re a freshman, Thanksgiving Break is a real mixed bag. It’s nice to take a consistently hot shower and sit on the toilet without worrying about contracting a venereal disease. It’s also comforting to sleep in normal-sized bed, sans the sounds of your roommate banging her boyfriend or stumbling in drunk at 2 a.m. On the other hand, it is often hard to reign in your newly gained freedom for the week. The constant refrain of “What time are you coming back?”, “Are his parents home?”, and “Who is your DD?” get pretty old pretty fast. Those lines can send you over the edge and into pre-college parent-hating mode at lightning speed. But before you throw a tantrum of epic proportions, take a deep breath and embrace the holiday spirit. And remember that you only have to endure checkins and curfews for a few more days. If you keep the right mindset, your Turkey Break can be all gravy (yeah, I just did that). While the short transition home isn’t always smooth, it is manageable. If nothing else, just keep reminding yourself that it’s only a week. Then you can return to drinking out of trash cans and making questionable decisions for a precious few more weeks. And that’s something to be thankful for.
06: the evil succubi
why we need to take these bitches down and how to do it.
10-11: two dope interviews
we chat with dj 12th planet and songwriter mat kearney.