Volume 1, Issue 3 | 11/16/11 - 11/30/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com
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F st ree.. eal .lik fro e e m h ver om yth e o ing ver yo bre u’ll ak!
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surviving thanksgiving break at home Sarah J. Gatsby wrote this
It was only a few short months ago that our parents were dropping us off at school with sage advice like “study hard,” and “make good choices.” Since then, we’ve slowly devolved and most of those good manners mom taught us are nowhere to be found. Sooner rather than later, expect college students roaming the street. With Thanksgiving Break approaching, it’s time to start preparing for the return home because, as we all know, some college behavior just doesn’t translate well with the parents. Your dad will not be as understanding as your roommate when he witnesses your walk of shame. Mom is not likely to appreciate you pregaming Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family. And drunken debating the best Pinnacle Vodka flavor with your grandmother tend to be awkward come morning. So, why the hell are we thankful for this holiday again? Here’s how you’ll survive Thanksgiving Break. Okay, first of all: Food. It’s what the Thanksgiving holiday is about, after all. Or something like that. The Thanksgiving feast is pretty much the eighth wonder of the world: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie—basically a food orgasm. The leftovers from this epic meal will likely sustain you for the remainder of the week, but if it doesn’t, your parents’ pantry probably has better options than your usual Ramen or Hot Pocket (also of note: their liquor cabinet is definitely more well-stocked than yours, so act accordingly). Take advantage of the free meals out and mom’s home cooking while you can. Running into old classmates from high school over Thanksgiving Break is unavoidable. Some of these are welcome reunions, but others not so much. One way to pass the time at the next inevitable get-together: see which friends have gained weight, have ugly new boyfriends, and got knocked up. It’s like your own reality TV show. Not all hometown encounters have to be bad though. For example, revisiting your old high school hook-up could prove very advantageous to you. But try to avoid the jerk that dumped you senior
Other stuff
Inside
04: dining halls
and how much we love you when we’re hungover.
year because he wanted to “find himself” in college; he’s still a douche. Forget about Black Friday; Black Wednesday is where it’s at. For those of you didn’t know, Black Wednesday is the night before Thanksgiving Day and is one of the biggest partying days of the year. It is a no-holds-barred night of debauchery, all in the name of prepping for the long weekend ahead. One stipulation of Black Wednesday is to make sure you don’t overindulge, as there is nothing worse than being so hungover come Thanksgiving, that you can’t stomach your favorite sweet potato casserole. Black Wednesday is about having a night of fun before the familial fracas, not ruining Thanksgiving by puking on Grandma’s fine Chinaware. If you’re a freshman, Thanksgiving Break is a real mixed bag. It’s nice to take a consistently hot shower and sit on the toilet without worrying about contracting a venereal disease. It’s also comforting to sleep in normal-sized bed, sans the sounds of your roommate banging her boyfriend or stumbling in drunk at 2 a.m. On the other hand, it is often hard to reign in your newly gained freedom for the week. The constant refrain of “What time are you coming back?”, “Are his parents home?”, and “Who is your DD?” get pretty old pretty fast. Those lines can send you over the edge and into pre-college parent-hating mode at lightning speed. But before you throw a tantrum of epic proportions, take a deep breath and embrace the holiday spirit. And remember that you only have to endure checkins and curfews for a few more days. If you keep the right mindset, your Turkey Break can be all gravy (yeah, I just did that). While the short transition home isn’t always smooth, it is manageable. If nothing else, just keep reminding yourself that it’s only a week. Then you can return to drinking out of trash cans and making questionable decisions for a precious few more weeks. And that’s something to be thankful for.
06: the evil succubi
why we need to take these bitches down and how to do it.
10-11: two dope interviews
we chat with dj 12th planet and songwriter mat kearney.
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Table of
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What’s your favorite holiday drink?
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Don’t Get Stuck With a Dud Make sure your snuggle buddy isn’t fugly.
Top Ten: Things We Miss About the 90s Mostly it’s about the candy and cartoons. From the Streets
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The Famous Bar Grid You’re gonna go out, so save some cash!
Bartender of the Month We want to hang with this girl, mostly for the puking and nudity. Shoutouts
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The Seek and Find Find 10 items in the messy dorm room, you pig.
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04
The Dining Halls: Nursing Hangovers Since 1785 ethan cunningham wrote this There are few dining hall experiences I wish to share. The trip often reflects my “creatureof-habit” attitude towards eating with a quick stop to the sandwich line (pressed), a venture over to my girl Stacy and her fine pita chips, then on to the drink station, where I throw in a little variety depending on which PowerAde I feel like that day. Today, however, was different. As my health-conscious roommate told me that he had destroyed his body so much this weekend, we decided that stopping now would only be a travesty. After beating Auburn the night before and cruising at a slightly higher B.A.C. all day, it was only acceptable to toss aside the salad and instead reach for the greasiest, fattening combination known to man. It was time to eat brunch.
ing some donut-pizza while mixing my tater tots was the only fix I could get. French fries couldn’t cut it, as their temperature was somewhere near scalding and that’s just ridiculous for stuffing my face. Seconds later (it seemed like an eternity), my concoction was complete.
We drove to East Campus in a hurry, running a red light and narrowly avoiding a pedestrian near Ag Hill all while listening to a very old Timbaland CD I found hidden in my room, discussing why the hell I ever owned it in the first place. After telling the pedestrian it was far too late to apologize (missing brunch was not an option), we whisked into a parking spot and hustled into the food arena awaiting us.
Our result was unbelievable. Somewhere around, “Oh my God this tastes like Sonic,” and unintelligible mumbling is where I would equate the taste. We were loud, we were proud, and people started to take notice. The only thing we noticed, though, is how slowly we were moving and chewing. It was as if my body had decided to go on strike, adamant that anything else entering my mouth would certainly kill me. Taking that into heavy consideration, I ate six more tots and rolled out of the dining hall, taking the elevator because stairs are too damn ridiculous.
The first stop was for pizza, as the bubbling cheese and glistening meats adorning it seemed like one of the worst abominations for our colon we could think of…so far. After topping my pepperoni pizza with a chocolate sprinkle donut and curly fries, I obviously felt that the stares I was receiving from other patrons were only of mild disdain. I wanted full-on disgust. My roommate and I grabbed salad bowls and headed for the tater tots. Tots on tots on tots, smothered in chili sauce, onions and bleu cheese dressing. It was a salad befitting champions and Mac from Always Sunny. At this point, the looks were of genuine revolt. I decided to settle on a nice ginger ale and water to drink, as chocolate milk looked a little heavy and the ginger ale would most likely help settle my stomach from the ravaging it was about to receive. The two of us decided on a quiet table far from the prying eyes of curious-yet-appalled onlookers. “Screw ‘em,” my roommate added with confidence. “Even Jesus had haters.” Shaking the tater tot conception in the bowls was like watching a childhood hero getting busted for cocaine and attempted murder: shame yet intrigue. My excitement was so high that eat-
At home I was able to reflect on this adventure, as it was not even one o’clock and I had just managed to take in more calories than most do in a business week. That reflection was short lived, however, as the Falcons game and a long, long nap took precedence. As much as it pains me to say, I’m glad football season is wrapping up. My body cannot and will not take much more of this thrashing.
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things we miss about the 90s 10) Warheads: Hands down, best candy of our youth. Something about coating your tongue in delicious malic acid until it bled was a wonderful treat. They were called Warheads because they would annihilate your mouth. If you were a real hardass you would see how many of these suckers you could endure at one time during recess. (Permanent taste bud damage ensued.)
Elizabeth Maguire wrote this
9) Crazy Bones: How many times did you whine and moan to your mom that she had to take you to Zany Brainy that night to get another bag of Crazy Bones? Between trading them and flicking them at one another, these little figurines, each with their own color and character, provided endless hours of entertainment, as well as many bruised legs/fingernails. Those things had power in their plastic!
‘Tis the season for watching romantic movies, making bonfires, and baking festive treats. While these things are already pretty awesome in and of themselves, let’s face it, they can only be made better with a boyfriend. There are so many activities during the holiday season that require the company of a significant other. Take, for instance, ice skating. If you go to an ice skating rink with your bestie, you’re going look like a childish fool, and obviously, desperately single. But show up with your hot new boyfriend and you’ll have every mom, teen and tween jealous of you and your man candy.
8) Tomagatchis: The invention of the Tomagatchi combined two major staples of the 90s: keychains and inanimate pets. Through tender love and care, we raised our pixilated pets from infantry through adulthood (let’s be real—most of us barely made it through the toddler/child stage), all while sporting a totally fashionable bright pink keychain on our JanSports. They were good practice for the Furbys we would all soon be tending to.
With Thanksgiving and Christmas quickly approaching, you need to diligently start the search for a suitor now. There’s no time to waste on shysters that won’t buy you presents or put up with your pathetic winter blues, and spending New Year’s Eve alone is not an option. Easily weed out the men that won’t light your fire this winter by avoiding these types: If he makes dramatic statuses on Facebook. Gone are the days where only girls complain on Facebook. So many dudes have been blowing up Newsfeed with shameful statuses. About relationships… and feelings! It’s disgusting. “Any girl that tells you she loves you and then has sex with another guy the same week is a whore. Hear that? You’re a whore Allison!! And I’m single and luvin’ it!” Seriously? Please control your emotions. Ladies, steer clear of these types unless you want the dirty deets of your relationship displayed on every social networking site.
7) Goosebumps: R.L. Stine, thank you not only for terrorizing our childhood, but for also getting us lots of points on Accelerated Reader. The Goosebumps books featured regular kids in horrifying situations and were completely nightmare-inducing, to say the least. Stine even put the horror in our own hands with the Give Yourself Goosebumps series, where the reader got to choose their path of doom. And the TV shows and movies? We still get shivers thinking about the Haunted Mask.
If he uses hair gel. This should really go without saying. I don’t care who you think you are, hair gel is taboo. It is reserved only for Guidos and people dressing up as the cast of Jersey Shore. Not only is it reminiscent of your 5th grade boyfriend’s ‘wave’ hairstyle, it is also extremely metrosexual. If this guy spends time doing his hair, you better believe that’s not the only feminine tendency that he has. Dip out on him before you spend the next few months fighting with him for the mirror.
“GOOD RULE OF THUMB: IF OPRAH, BONO OR MADONNA CAN’T PULL IT OFF, YOU CAN’T EITHER.”
If he refers to himself in third person. “’Big Cat’ Matt is getting shitfaced toniiiight.” Okay ‘Big Cat,’ nothing makes girls want to vom more than the extremity of your delusion. There is absolutely no one on this planet that has earned the right to refer to themselves in third person. Good rule of thumb: If Oprah, Bono or Madonna can’t pull it off, you can’t either. This guy obviously is overcompensating for something. Think small penis and then think about cold, rainy days; what the fuck else are you supposed to do? You don’t want to be stuck with a roll of quarters for four months. If he treats a waitress badly. If he’s already tricked you into a date, this is your cue to get up and run like hell out of there. Nothing is worse than a guy that’s a straight up dick to a waitress or bartender. The ones that respond to “Hi, I’m Stacey and I’ll be your server for the night.” with, “Yeungling. Light. In a bottle, with a frosted glass.” This clearly conveys the fact that they haven’t worked a day in their goddamn life or that they’re just a prissy bitch. Either way, you definitely don’t want to waste another minute with this clown.
If he parks in a handicap parking spot. Douchebag. Only douchebags park in handicap parking spots without actually suffering from some sort of disability. Any guy that parks in this spot is conveying that he doesn’t give a damn about the challenges that come along with being handicap. If paralysis doesn’t tug at his heart strings, he certainly won’t care when you get too wasted off eggnog and can’t move. This guy definitely won’t be buying your hung-over ass a Chick-fil-a biscuit which means, he has gtg. By avoiding the aforementioned losers, you’ll have ample time to pick a suitable mate for the holiday season. But the search must begin now. It is imperative that you get on the grind before it gets too cold out and you can’t wear slutty things downtown. Let’s face it, you’re not going to meet your future boyfriend wearing a fucking turtle neck and in two weeks you’re going to be pregnant with a Thanksgiving baby. You are in your prime now. Get ‘em!
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6) Spice Girls: “Yo I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want!” – and what we want is for the greatest girl band of all time to record another soundtrack to our lives. The invasion of the British pop group influenced young girls everywhere, and also led to many playground altercations-- “You got to be Baby Spice yesterday! I hate being Sporty Spice!” Plus, they taught us the importance of the proverb “Hoes Before Bros” at a very young age. I mean, come on. If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends. 5) Slime: If Nickelodeon was the God of the 90’s, then Slime was surely the holy water. The Reptar-green colored concoction was featured on all their best “physical challenge” shows (Double Dare, Figure it Out, Wild and Crazy Kids) until it finally got its own daytime TV show, Slime Time Live. Getting that green goo dumped all over you dominated many childhood bucket lists. 4) Beanie Babies: Oh, the Beanie Baby craze. These little plush dolls made by Ty Inc. created one of the biggest frenzies of the decade, and we certainly helped fuel the fire. Their creation of the Teeny Beanies, available only in McDonald’s Happy Meals, most certainly accelerated childhood obesity, but it didn’t matter, had to have them.. Come to think of it, I might have a Princess Di bear with the tag still on it. That would equate to a shit ton of money. 3) N64: Ocarina of Time. Super Smash. Golden Eye. Super Mario 64. The N64 was the console of the 90s. It came in sweet colors and offered rumble packs for crying out loud! It’s a machine that embraced simplicity, and despite consoles today that can link to your Facebook and turn on your car, it is still enjoyed by many. I mean, come on, what was better than renting Mario Party from Blockbuster on a Friday night for your sleepover party?! 2) Pokémon: Gotta catch ‘em all! Yes, I’m aware that the media franchise is still alive and well, but the trading cards? The TV show? Red and Blue on the Gameboy Color? Let the nostalgia soak in. All kids trade these days are Words with Friends usernames and BBM pins. What happened to the days of trading things you put your hard earned allowance into? Pika Pika. 1) Nicktoons: Saturday morning Nicktoons were the bomb, dude. All you needed was a fatty bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and some cozy footy PJs and you could plop yourself in front of that tube for hours on end. The greatest way to grow up was immersed in the playpen of the Rugrats, or in the PS 118 of Hey Arnold!, or in whatever trippy world Rocko was living in.
06
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Succubi-- Why they SUCK and How to Destroy Them
From 'da Streets What’s your favorite holiday drink?
alexandra rose wrote this Succubus: A demoness from hell whose sole purpose is to drain the souls of men by having sex with them while they are asleep.
“Hot buttered rum. Just kidding, that shit’s disgusting. I’d say anything with peppermint schnapps!” - Melissa B., Senior
It’s the same old story, known all too well: Awesome guy, “awesome girl,” boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, girl sheds deceitful angelic outer shell and puts his nuts in a vice, guy becomes dead to his friends and the outside world. Alright, listen up you stupid bitches. Why you think you can just come into a guy’s life and completely take it over is beyond me, but I’m here to tell you that this is not okay. Sure, you have a vagina, and if you’re putting out than you automatically have the upper hand in the relationship, but that doesn’t give you the right to turn a guy into a total fucking puppet. I’m not sure what twisted realm you hail from, but in no way is the finale of Real Housewives of Atlanta EVER more important than poker night, and you need a goddamn reality check if you find it fitting to delete every girl’s number from your boyfriend’s cell phone. Although these hellish beasts tend to pray on the weak, impressionable type, their demon powers can turn even the biggest guy’s guy into a sad little minion. But alas, you sorry creatures from Hell, prepare to meet your downfall; your conniving and calculating tricks are no longer wanted here. So whether you want to rescue your friend from the succubi’s evil grip or you, yourself are trapped in the wrath of a demon, fear no longer, freedom is near. Fatten her up, Mean Girls style: While most of her powers lie in her entrancing mind games, her appearance plays a key role in her ability to carry out such manipulation. So you might not have access to Swedish Caltein bars, but don’t fret, there are effective alternatives. Insist on cooking her a romantic dinner, 3-4 times a week. She’ll think this gesture is a result of her influence, which will boost her ego, and distract her from the fact that her pasta was garnished with half a stick of butter. Once she’s feeling woozy from the white wine and carb overload, she’ll be craving her ultimate weakness: chocolate. If you can keep this up for a solid amount of time, her alluring appearance will be ruined, thus hindering her controlling capabilities/giving you legitimate reason to dump her ass, and causing her to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West that she is. Bring her daddy issues to the surface: Why do you think she’s such a controlling bitch in the first place? There is only one logical answer: daddy issues. While they make most girls slutty and needy, sometimes the outcome of having a neglectful father can create a monster. This method is key to her destruction, and can easily be executed by the victim himself or his friends, though regardless is most successful
“Great Divide Hibernation Ale. It’s an English Old Ale, so it’s super malty and strong enough to put you on your ass, but not as dark as a huge stout.” - Austin W., Super Senior
through a night of heavy drinking. Causing her to face her suppressed emotional troubles might make her human again and lead her to abandon her evil ways, but most likely it will just make her head explode. Star Wars marathon: There are few things that succubi hate more than Star Wars. Not only do they not understand any form of entertainment that doesn’t include Katherine Heigl, but the camaraderie the trilogy creates between a guy and his friends momentarily distracts the victim from his blind awe, sending the succubus into a fit of rage. Strapping her to the couch and forcing her to endure hours of lightsaber duels on Bespin’s Cloud City will actually turn the temptress into a loveable little wookie, where you can then decide how to proceed with her. Cyanide: Ok, so the first three schemes failed. Now onto plan C—for cyanide, that is. If you so desperately want your friend back, you are left with no choice. Sure, he might be devastated at first, but with her gone her wicked spell will be broken, turning your bro into the beer-guzzling, ladykiller, he once was, and restoring peace to the universe. So there you have it my friends, how to rid the world of souldrinking succubi. If you know someone under the harsh rule of a demon sent from hell, you must act fast to annihilate her, before she turns into Yoko Ono and destroys The Beatles forever.
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the entertainment page the black sheep interviews:
12 planet th
The Black Sheep: How did you get involved making dubstep music? Was there a moment you first heard dubstep and you realized that’s what you wanted to do? 12th Planet: Before the whole dubstep explosion I was producing and DJing drum and bass, my alias was Infiltrata and I was touring really, really hard. I was always going to England, and I was also playing in Europe, Canada, and all over the US. I got to hang out in Europe in 2005 or 2006, and I played this show that had a checkin room with a screen playing this music that sounded like slow drum and bass, and I was like, “What is this stuff?,” like I kind of didn’t like it at first. I just thought it was some sick joke. One of my boys was like “Have you ever heard this music dubstep?” I went to England again to that same place for New Year’s Eve and we saw how fast dubstep was, we heard like 40 different languages in one night. It was people from Slovakia and China and people from Hungary and Amsterdam and France and everyone was there to just support the movement, and this was in 2006? Maybe 2007? That’s when I got hooked, it just blew my mind, everything about it. TBS: How would you describe how dubstep differs from regular electronic music? 12th Planet: The difference was more blatant four or five years ago, but I think where dubstep is now is this kind of melting pot of like electro house and big room house and rave, and drum and bass all put into one. It used to just be noises, like all other electronic music, but it had different BPM, beats per minutes. It has 140 beats per minute, but the people singing are at half-time, like 70 BPM, but the rest of the energy on the track is at 140 BPM. That’s
Rising dubstep DJ, 12th Planet, has more enthusiasm than you could pack into a bottle rocket. This LA native can talk for hours, about getting his DJ name from a book about aliens (“It will fucking change you life. It fucked me up so hard.”) to what he calls his bong (“I think it’s just called ‘The Lakers Bong.’”) But mostly this down-to-earth dude loves making music, preferably with Skrillex at all times of the day, and performing for the masses. Check him out with Skrillex on The Mothership Tour, hitting up towns all around the US.
JESS SOMMERS WROTE THIS
the difference between all the other electronic music and dubstep, the beats per minute. TBS: How do you go about making a new song and new beats? 12th Planet: I just get a little inspiration and smoke a little weed and just start writing. I don’t start with drums or start with bass, I just do whatever I feel like. If I have a sample I’ll start with the sample and build around, but if I have a drum kit that I made I’ll just start with that drum kit, or if I’m messing around with a razor or something that makes a cool noise, I’ll just make a song from there. Sometimes they see the light of day, sometime they don’t. One out of every 15 tracks sees the light of day. TBS: You’re on tour now with Skrillex, and it seems like you guys are pretty good friends. How did you guys meet? 12th Planet: Oh, that’s my bud. That’s a damn good question. He was always that kid that was at the shows and we’d talk about the songs that were playing. Then we saw each other at Coachella like two years ago and he started sending me tracks and I fell in love with them right off the bat. Before he started making beats by himself he was in that band From First to Last which was a vocal project, and in those tracks he had sick production and the songwriting was amazing. So I invited him to come sing his songs on my sets, so we did that two or three times and we’ve just been close every since. He lives in downtown LA, I live in downtown, we have a lot of the same friends. It’s always party time. TBS: What can someone expect from a 12th Planet Show?
12th Planet: Lots of jumping and girls taking their shirts off and crowd-surfing and people rushing the barricade and having so much fun. TBS: Do you have any pre-show rituals or post-show rituals? 12th Planet: I used to just drink a lot, but now I’m just sober for all my shows, so that’s my ritual now. It used to be instead of trying to entertain everybody else it was just me partying and DJing for myself. Now it’s like, since I’m on this tour and playing 5000 capacity rooms you kind of have to be on point and interact with the crowd and have a better performance. So I was like that [inebriated] for the last two or three years but the last couple of months, the last 40 or 50 shows, I’ve been kind of sober. That’s my pre-show ritual now; my post-show ritual is to get drunk. TBS: What’s the first thing you’re drinking? 12th Planet: I’m drinking Stella. It’s my favorite beer, it’s on my rider. That and vodka and sugarfree Red Bull. TBS: What else is on your rider? 12th Planet: A bucket of fried chicken, grape soda, Magnum condoms, watermelon and grapes. TBS: If you could collaborate with anybody dead or alive, who would you pick? 12th Planet: Skrillex, every day of the week. If I could I’d work with him every minute of every day. TBS: So I have a feeling I already know this answer, but if you were trapped in an elevator for 24-hours who is the one person you
thanks for nothing, thanksgiving! Music: Mary J. BligeMy Life II…The Journey Continues Release Date: November 21, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: The soulful wail of Mrs. Blige is the siren song for recently-broken hearts. Even if you’re serially single, keep this album on repeat— and loud—to make sure that no one joins you in the fake frown town you’ve built. If any siblings don’t fall for the ruse, you’re going to have to recruit them, we suggest offering a 20% cut of whatever your parents give you for pity presents.
wish you were stuck with? 12th Planet: Skrillex, that’s my boy. We’d make that empty elevator a party, we’d probably make music off the level buttons on the elevator, maybe hit the fire alarm a few times. Record it on a phone and call it a day. TBS: In your dressing room, or in life, would you prefer to have a chocolate fountain or a melted cheese fountain? 12th Planet: A chocolate fountain. But the cheese does sound kind of good, too. I can’t answer that question. If it’s nacho cheese to dip nachos in it, then I’m going with that. TBS: Finish this sentence: “Nothing turns me on more than…” 12th Planet: Oh. That’s a tough one. I should go with the obvious, but that’s not interesting. Oh gosh, fuck. I mean… uh… uh… oh god this is tough! TBS: If you want to say “tits and ass” you can say that. 12th Planet: Tits and ass, dude! Let’s go with that. That’s the honest to God truth. Watching Breaking Bad turns me on, too. JESS SOMMERS WROTE THIS
Excited to spend some quality time with the family this Thanksgiving? Didn’t think so. Here’s some Thanksgiving releases that scream, “My media intake is more important than talking to you.” By: Brendan
Movie: The Muppets Release Date: November 23, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: Your parents grew up during the Muppets’ heyday, back when they’d light up a jay, flip on channel 2 and mellow out before a night on the town. They’ll know exactly why you’re seeing this movie, but will be too scared of potential confrontation to call you out on your motives.
Video Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Release Date: November 8, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: “I swear to shit you little scummy jizz taster, try to come in here again and I’ll fistfuck your decapitated mom’s neckhole.” Your parents will assume the machine gun swearing directed towards 13-year-olds coming from your side of the door is meant for them. They never knew you thought about grandma that way, especially after she died in that horrific guillotine accident.
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Mat Kearney
the interview
We got to chat with Mat Kearney, a passionate 30-something singer/songwriter/storyteller to talk about life as an ever evolving musician. Be sure to check out Kearney’s latest album Young Love, as well as on a tour near you. By: Brendan
CD REVIEW
The Black Sheep: How do you describe yourself as a musician? Mat Kearney: Not very well. I tend to say I’m a songwriter but when I think “What kind of music?” it’s somewhere between melodic storytelling and beats. I haven’t quite figured out how I fit into the whole thing, I can’t tell if that’s what makes me annoying or endearing, but I’m trying to figure that out myself. TBS: If you were to describe yourself in 5 words to a stranger, what words would you use? MK: Storyteller, epic, melodic, beat-driven, songwriter. TBS: You talk about where you do and do not fit in, and you’ve said that your influences range from Bob Dylan to A Tribe Called Quest. When you write music, do you purposely try to incorporate those contrasting sounds or is it just natural? MK: It’s a natural evolution, it’s reconciling where you’ve come from and what you’re into currently. [When I was young] I was a little skater kid that listened to a lot of hip-hop music and ran around getting arrested for doing graffiti on things, and then I went to college and become a literature major and prided myself on my ability to write. At the core I still love rhythmic story telling but I also fall in love with different kinds of music every day. TBS: Who are some musicians today that you really enjoy? MK: I really love Drake’s last record, if we’re talking about hip-hop. I still think Tom Waits is the greatest living. I really like Adele’s record, I know it’s a huge record. I really enjoy the new Noah and the Whale, too. TBS: How do you go through the songwriting process when it’s just you and your guitar? Do you ever hesitate because there isn’t really someone to check you, or do you like not having to run your ideas past someone else? MK: I think I have a cool thing going because when it comes to sitting down and writing a song by myself there’s a magic in that that happens and I do that. There’s songs like “Learning to Love Again” and “Rochester” on my record that are just me and a guitar in my living room. But a lot of songs that I write, the music is a collaboration. A lot of the record we would sit down and create beats and grooves and changes, almost like a hiphop record. Then I would take it away and try to write the most gut-wrenching story over the grooves. Maybe we would add guitar later so I had something to do on stage, but there are a lot of collaborations going on. TBS: Do you go into writing a new album with an idea in mind? How much thought goes into an album? MK: It’s much more organic, how the songs come out. Singer/songwriters get boring most of the time, so I knew that I wanted to have moments where you would put this record on in your car and it would make your head bob. But I also knew that I wanted to have these stories that had to follow, these gut-wrenching narratives of people. I want one of those people to be myself and those people around me, and I guess that’s all I knew when I set out to make this record. Me falling in love and getting married and that part of my life, there are a lot of songs about that butterfly-in-your-stomach thing, because I was going through that. TBS: How do you strike that balance between experimenting with music and knowing that fans and others above you have expectations of you? MK: I don’t know how to do that, I struggle with that. On this record I didn’t make a licensing record, which I’ve been known to do. I wrote about a lot of specifics and I know that doesn’t always work well when you’re trying to license it, but I just felt like I needed to do that for my own sake and for a story that I wanted to tell. You don’t want to totally change the rules on your fans every record, but I think my voice and my writing approach and the stories I choose to write about, people can relate quite make the cut like Lil Wayne or Eminem. to that stylistically and also emotionally. Look, I can appreciate some hilariously offensive TBS: How is the touring lifestyle different for someone who plays on stage rap lyrics and appreciate them in a creative, poalone? etic way, because rap is essentially rhyming poetry, MK: We’re a 5-piece band and it’s pretty rock-heavy; I more model myself after right? These dudes just write poems about bitches Bruce Springsteen then Bob Dylan. I’ve had guys that have played with me for six and guns and whatever, right? He raps in the song years and they are some of my best friends and they play on my records. It’s an in“Marvin’s Room” that he’s had “sex four times this teresting existence because at the end of the day you have the final say, but there’s week.” Wow… neat. In his title song “Take Care” a lot of times where it’s very democratic process, much like a band. I don’t think he talks about it being his birthday and that he’ll I get the full benefit of the camaraderie that comes with being in a band; there’s cry if he wants to… psych! He’ll actually “get high” some days where this is a job for some people, and with all the traveling it gets if he wants to, which is a wonderfully original play lonely. I try to level the playing field so they feel respected as band members on on words. stage. It’s a weird distance. I think the way I’ve gotten around it is just hiring really good friends. The tracks with the interesting collaborations TBS: If you had the opportunity to collaborate with someone living or dead, who (Andre 3000, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj) are stand-out would you choose? songs on the album. I guess I’m just not a Drake MK: Bruce Springsteen or Jay-Z. It’d be exciting. fan, plain and simple. Hell, he even got a “Best TBS: If tomorrows aliens come to planet Earth and they chose you to fight for New Music” review from Pitchfork music which, in the survival of the world with any one thing, what topic do you take them on in? all honesty, makes me start to question Pichfork’s MK: I would put them in a navigational challenge – I am like Magellan in my head, legitimacy. man. Meet me anywhere, and I know exactly what direction we are in. I know where I am at all moments, it’s kind of spooky to people. I know the quickest route to Oh yeah, I just remembered his one song! He has everywhere we’re going, always. those lyrics “last name ever, first name greatest” TBS: What goes on your perfect sandwich? from that Sprite commercial. Good for him. MK: It would be pepper turkey, Muenster cheese, lettuce, red onions, balsamic vinegar. Classic. It works every time. Sounds Like: Really lame rap music. Listen to it When: You’re around Drake fans.
Out Now
drake
Take Care
Taking care of his fans but not making new ones
Canadian-born confied-to-a-wheelchair-actor turned apparently legitimate Jewish rapper (oh, he’s not exclusively Jewish?) Drake released his second album this week Take Care. Despite his all-around fame (Degrassi, this apparently popular rap, even a role in a freakin’ video game) it seems that little ole’ me has no idea about this dude. His rapping has never been anything worth listening to and upon writing this review, I couldn’t even recall his “one popular song.” Oh, there’s more than one? Go figure. I came into listening to this album with a relatively clean palate. I know that I’ve tried this before – I don’t exactly recall what exactly – but I just know that I didn’t really like it that much. Drake has a really boring voice and has never done anything unique or especially interesting with his music, considering he’s in a genre where it’s acceptable to go HAM and to be on the cutting-edge. With so many shitty wanna-be rappers and over-produced artists out there it’s easy to not catch my attention, which Drake has never done. On top of all of that, Drake’s actual rapping is nothing to write home about, and his attempts at humor (please tell me he isn’t being serious) don’t
D-
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Bartender of the Month Adrianna Arriola genco Relationship status: Single, besides my slampieces. Major: Environmental Law Favorite drink: Adrianna’s Sex Juice: Parrot Bay Coconut, Mango, Pineapple, Blue Caracao, Amaretto, OJ, Ginger Ale and topped with grenadine Favorite shot: Pineapple Upside Down Shot Worst drink/shot: Bar Mat drink, which is pouring the excess liquid from the bar mats...over ice. Ew. Worst Shift Ever: On
drinking game:
beer ball
Like beer? Have balls? Boy, have we got a game for you. What You Need: A case of beer, at least one ping pong ball, and a table. Number of Players: Four exactly – no more, no less, no exceptions. Intoxication Level: You’ll lose your balls. How To Play: - Like beer pong, there are two teams of two players in this game, and each team stands at opposing ends of the table. - Place a can of beer upside down at each corner of the table (four beers total). - One player will throw the ping pong ball at the opposing team’s beer that is diagonal from him. - If he hits the beer can, his teammate on his side of the table must flip over his can of beer and start chugging. - His teammate will only stop chugging once either member of the opposing team has retrieved the ping pong ball and placed it on the table. - It is to be expected that one teammate will finish his beer first. In this case he will be the only member throwing for the remainder of the game in order to have his teammate finish his beer too. - The winning team is the team who is able to finish every last drop of both of their beers first. The Game Ends When: You actually start tripping on the balls.
Halloween a guy puked next to his chair, and while I was next to his barstool cleaning it, he leaned over and threw up on me. Strangest Request at a bar: “Can I feel your honkers?” Favorite Song To Play: “Sex On Fire” - Kings of Leon Best Part of your job: Getting my sorority sisters wasted and watching them fall over. If you were a type of liquor what would you be, and why? Hypnotiq,
because my nights are always a blur. If your life was a movie, what would the tagline be? “Sorry about it.” Least favorite type of customer: Homeless crack addicts trying to trade me weed for a drink. Fucking creepy. Any words of wisdom? If you ever decide to dance on the bar, make sure you’re wearing underwear and you don’t have a broken heel. Just saying.
recipe for disaster:
Hot Dog Mac and Cheese
Remember when you were a kid and your mom made you lunch? It was probably macaroni and cheese and a hot dog on multiple occasions. I bet you miss those days. Lucky for you, there’s a college kid’s version of it!
What you need: Any box of mac and cheese, any kind of hot dog, a stove, a microwave, pepper (optional), tobasco sauce (optional), and bread (also optional). Cook time: Ten minutes. Tops. Fatty factor: This all depends on your meat to pasta ratio. It’s clearly carb and sodium heavy, but who cares? You can be healthy when you graduate. Let’s Get bakin’: -Turn on the stovetop, boil that water. -Add the noodles and wait for them to soften. -Drain noodles. -Microwave your desired amount of hot dogs on a paper plate. Maximum 1 minute. -Add your butter to the macaroni and stir until it’s mostly melted. -Add the provided cheese packet and stir. -Add the milk (for cheesier mac and cheese, add minimal milk). -Stir until it’s all nice and creamy. -Chop up your hot dogs into small pieces and add the hot dogs to the macaroni and cheese. Stir. -For some extra flavor, add your desired amount of pepper and/or tobasco sauce. -If you’re in the mood for a sandwich, grab some bread and pile on the Mac and Cheese. -Get a plate, and go at it like you’re about to be fucking executed. Or if you’re in the mood for something lighter and more hilarious, eat it in front of your friends and make panting noises as you chew. This lets them know how orgasmic it is. This recipe is awesome because it’s a throwback to your childhood. It’s cheap and affordable (ideal college kid foods), and if you decide to use the bread, it’s even going to help out your hangover!
SHOUT OUTS!
To my entomology teacher- your bug t-shirts that correspond to the lessons are awesome. Sarah, I miss you. Come back and play find the saltine with me! -Megs To the couple holding hands taking up the whole sidewalk in front of me, I will red rover y’all if y’all don’t let me through! To the rude douche in the lifted truck: after cutting me off and nearly running a cyclist off the road, I thoroughly enjoyed watching you get pulled over moments later. Happy Monday! Dear squirrels of Athens, what drugs are you on? To anyone counting down the days until the Twilight Premiere: I hate you.
SEND IN YOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
Dear neighbors, If you don’t start cleaning up your dog’s shit I will not hesitate to run it over.
-Your Ex To my sketchy downstairs neighbor: My house smells like a fucking ashtray. What are you doing down there? Dear Dawg Gone Good BBQ Man: Your pulled pork is fire and so are you. Athens loves you! Dear Rent Athens, the lightening Dear Occupy Athens protesters, how storm was back in the summer... if do you like that Starbucks coffee you could please fix the gaping hole our porch and paint the sparatic you’ve got there? Does it taste like under replacement fence posts sometime corporate America? Leave. before winter that would be GREAT. -tenants of waddell Johnny, it’s really not cool for ou to It’s either the drugs or the eye makeup. hook up in my bed everytime I go Either way, you look like a crack whore. home. Next time, I’ll stream the video. Thanks, Mike
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madlib: prepping for thanksgiving 1. Hardest class 2. Campus bar 3. Roommate 4. Favorite professor 5. Recent hookup 6. Bodily function 7. Article of clothing 8. Kitchen item 9. Hometown bar 10. High school name 11. Cheapest booze ever 12. High school enemy
13. Number 14. High school slut 15. Weird uncle 16. Body part 17. Cousin 18. Article of clothing 19. Cartoon movie 20. Food 21. Room 22. Sexual activity 23. High school hookup 23. High school teacher
Wow, I am so excited for Thanksgiving break. Right after my _____1_____ test, I am going to hit up _____2_____ with _____3_____ and _____4_____ for a final night hoorah. Hopefully I won’t see _____5_____, because last time we met, I ended up _____6_____ in my _____7_____, and woke up wearing a _____8_____ for some reason? Weird. Anyway, once I get home, I plan on meeting up with the old crew. We already have plans to go to _____9_____ and _____10_____, and definitely drink some _____11_____ like we used to do back in the day. I also heard that _____12_____ gained at least _____13_____ pounds, and that _____14_____ is pregnant! So, I have to see them so I can make some jokes. As for Thanksgiving, well, I just hope that crazy Uncle _____15_____ doesn’t show up. Last time he came over, I swear he wanted to touch my _____16_____ while _____17_____ watched. He always asks creepy questions about my _____18_____, which just seems so strange. Anyway, after dinner, I hope we get to watch _____19_____, it’s my favorite movie by far. If we don’t, I’m just going to take all the extra _____20_____ from dinner, sit in the _____21_____, and go to town until I puke on myself. Sounds like the perfect break to me! I just hope it doesn’t go by too fast; I want to make sure I have enough time to _____22_____ _____23_____ and _____24_____, like old times!
Meet The Staff! campus manager Ethan Cunningham
Advertising Manager Suzanne Durden editorial Manager Ali Misner marketing/distribution Manager Brittney Johnson Writers Alexandra Rose Harley Quinn Elizabeth Maguire Josie Rabbitt Abraham Froman Sarah J. Gatsby
( class time )
Riley Humes
campus director Brendan Bonham Founders Ethan Cunningham Suzanne Durden Amy Ellerman Atish Doshi Brendan Bonham Heather-Jo Erickson Jimmy DeBlasio Jessica Sommers
Questions?
Come Join the Team! We're looking to bring on some writers, marketers, and groupies. Think you got what it takes? Email us at UGA@theblacksheeponline.com or apply online!
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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the Quiz 1. The last time you did laundry was:
a. I’ve got a load in right now, don't you? b. A couple weeks ago. c. Haha… oh wait, you’re serious? I've been wearing my bathing suit for weeks now...
2. When you hear the phrase, “pulling an all nighter,” you think... a. Welcome to my life. b. Are we talking about sex? 'Cause if so, that happened last night. And the night before. c. Yeah, I did one of those once, I think…
3. You talk to your friends from home...
a. Every week at the same time, like you planned after graduation. b. During breaks, if you're lucky.
How badly do you need Thanksgiving Break? c. We all go to the same school. Best friends for life!
4. The last time you had a solid home cooked meal was... a. Last night, if you count Chili’s. b. The other night; I have all of mom's recipes, it's great! c. A few weeks ago when I went home to see mommy and daddy.
5. Your bank account goes up when... a. I work double shifts...you know... b. It never goes up, only down (insert sexual joke here). c. I spend “quality time” with the relatives and make them feel bad about how poor I am.
results
8-12 points: aren't i on break now? Wait. I haven't been to class in weeks and mom 6. A typical night's sleep con- and dad keep sending me food, booze, and money... why do I want to go home? I guess it will be nice to sists of... throw back a few with pops and have mom buy me a. Listening to your neighbor get it on some new shoes, but I'll live without driving all the with yet another random person. way back for a few days of boredom. Screw it! I can b. You completely passed out from a get a Thanksgiving dinner at TGI Friday's, right? That night of partying. seems like a way better idea, plus I can keep my c. You waking up to your roommate's 3-month bender going! alarm at 6AM.
7. Your personal theme song is… a. Wiz Kalifa "No Sleep" b. Jay-Z/Kanye "In Paris" c. Skrillex "Scary Monsters"
13-17 points: i think I could use a break I'm not desperate to get home, but it would be nice to see the gang from high school, go to the old hangout, and get into some trouble around town. I might stick around here for a few days before getting back, because let's be serious, there's only so much of mom and dad I can really handle!
8. Your favorite Modern Fam18-24 points : I need thanksgiving break now! ily Character is... I need to get the hell out of here before my stomach a. Phil b. Gloria c. Manny
Answers
1. a1 b2 c3 2. a3 b2 c1 3. a2 b3 c1 4. a3 b1 c2 5. a1 b2 c3 6. a2 b1 c3 7. a1 b3 c2 8. a2 b3 c1
caves in from lack of nutrition and my dirty laundry attacks me. Seriously, my life is getting out of control and I can't handle working all morning, going to class all afternoon, studying all evening, and then watching everyone else get some action at night. I need to get home, eat some food, and call up that old hookup from high school right now!
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