The Black Sheep
fr ee me ... li an ke yo VD, ur an Va d n le nt o, w in e d e’s o Da n’t y.
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Volume 22, Issue 4 • 2/6/13 - 2/13/13
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the blackout and the beautiful
A Champaign Soap Saga: Part 1 scotty g wrote this 1:30 a.m. – A strange time to be walking through Lincoln Hall. An even stranger time to be meeting with a professor. Jerry stepped softly as he made his way through the hall, so as to leave the empty building undisturbed from its slumber. He came to a stop in front of room 169. He had already double-checked, but still decided to pull up the email on his phone one last time. He still remembered showing up to room 243 last week, when his chemistry discussion was actually in 234. An easy mistake for a dyslexic kid to make, especially after spending the previous night at High Dive. Twenty-five cent drinks have always had a tendency to cause both memorable nights and memory loss. He held his phone up, looking at the email and the numbers on the door side by side. Finally convinced that he was at the right place, Jerry slowly pulled the door ajar and leaned his head in, leaving his feet in the hall until his eyes had the chance to confirm that she was there. He gave two light knocks on the door, “Mrs. J?” “Jerry, come on in. Let’s talk,” replied the 40-something brunette sitting at the front of the room. With a gentle smile, she lightly twirled a lock of hair with her long and slender index finger and watched as he came through the doorway. She pulled out her strawberry lip balm and applied it generously. He nervously pulled a chair up to her desk and sat, unsure if he should speak first. After a long awkward moment, he exhaled in relief as she broke the silence. “Hi Jerry, I’m sorry to drag you out here so late. I just wanted to make sure we took care of this problem right away.” He fidgeted and said, “Um yeah, it’s ok. I was still awake when you emailed me. What exactly is the problem?” “Well it turns out that there’s a problem with your grade from last fall. As you know, I think attendance is a very important part of any political science class. It pleases me when students show up and get actively involved in the course content. The discussions we have in here are really the meat and potatoes of the curriculum I’m teaching. That’s why 35% of the grade is dedicated to in-class iClicker points. I was very clear about this at the beginning of the semester, and it says the same thing on the syllabus.” Jerry furrowed his brow and listened closely. She sighed and continued, “Frankly, I’m disappointed that you
Dear Blonde Girl Who Sits in the Front Row of Physics
blew it off. Your papers really showed a good understanding of the material, but since you never showed up to any of my lectures, right now I’m afraid I can’t give you a passing grade.” “What?” asked a befuddled Jerry. “I came to every class we had. Well, there was one day I missed, but I’ve been here in class almost every time. I answered all the iClicker questions, I swear!” She shook her head, “Actually, you didn’t.” She turned her laptop around so Jerry could see the screen. It was open to the grade layout of one Jerry Norman. He had an impressive A- average on exams and term papers, but with a 0% on participation, Mr. Nor-
what'’s inside
man had a less than impressive F in the class. “You see, Jerry, every semester I have students who think they can skip lectures and then lie to me.” She slammed the laptop shut, startling Jerry and sending an echo down the hall. “I’ve heard every excuse. I bet you’re gonna say your iClicker was set to the wrong frequency or that there was an error with the registering software. I’m not having it.” Flustered, Jerry scrambled to respond, “But I really came to class! You gotta believe me! I can’t get an F!” “Relax. You’re not getting an F.”
continued on page 19
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