Volume 1, Issue 1 | 10/05/11 - 10/26/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com
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The
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
The Pick-Up Artist seduction in the iu dining halls Kate Waxler wrote this Freshman year was full of drinking in the dorms, sharing next to no space with people you barely know and eating disgusting amounts of food at the dining halls. Whether you were in Briscoe Disco or lived on the other side of the world in Eigenmann, dorm life was interesting to say the least. At the time they may have been the worst place to be; now the instant you meet a freshman all that comes to mind is one thing: meal points. No meal points? No problem. It’s time to abuse that little concept called seniority, friends. One of the best ways to still get food from the dining halls without actually paying for a single meal is to sweet talk a freshman. Think about it like this: You’re actually saving them from a possible pound or two—that’s what I call good karma. The Search: The best way to spot a freshman is to keep an eye out for confused looks and lanyards. If they sport either one, there's nearly a 100% chance you’ve spotted one. The Approach: Once you’ve successfully located the prey in its natural habitat, stand up straight and march right on up. Seeing someone with a powerful stride will secure your dominant position, automatically making that freshman your bitch. The Kill: Start off the conversation with small-talk — about how much you both hate classes or even the weather. Once you get the ball rolling, go into asking about how you’d be so happy to show them where the good parties are and where to hangout—pull them under your wing, or at least pretend like you are. When they excitedly agree, slip in the minor detail of how you don’t have meal points anymore—it’s a guarantee they will immediately offer to pay. The Bittersweet Goodbye: You and I both know talking to a freshman for too long can be painful, so the getaway has to be smooth. After you have successfully gotten your food paid for, you have a choice: either openly ditch them, or let the little bugger down easy. If the first choice,
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just give a quick “thanks for the food, freshman” and walk the other direction. If the second, give a shocked look and all of a sudden “realize” that you have to meet for a group project in 15 minutes. If you’re feeling extra charitable, exchange numbers, promising them (without really meaning it) that you’ll meet-up in the future. One way to prepare for this attack is to decide on what kind of food you are craving before you choose what dining hall to attend. Gresham is chalk-full of the best hangover foods, including Potato Oles, Breakfast Buddies, and the all-time favorite Tortellini Tuesdays. If you’re feeling on the healthier side, stop by the C-Store at McSlutt to grab fresh fruit or gluten-free snacks. The Bistro has arguably the best food on campus, including delicious sandwiches, burritos rivaling that of Qdoba, and waffles smothered in chocolate, whipped cream, and other sweet treats. Hoosier Den, aka Hoo Den, will both satisfy your drunk pizza craving and give you the entertainment of watching sloppy/tipsy freshman. Don’t know what you’re feeling? Your best bet is Wright, which has the most food choices on campus including Sbarro, Charlie Biggs and more. Also, remember that where you choose to eat decides what kind of freshman you will run into. Northwest has all your future frat-stars and sorority girls. One good thing about this is that guys pledging are used to succumbing to the older figure, making your plan of attack that much easier. Southeast is known for having the international kids, bookworms, and music freaks. Let’s be honest, most of these kids are too shy to stand up for themselves so you’re in the clear. Central is the mix of both weirdos and kids who wanted to live in Northwest but couldn’t- giving you the ability to choose your prey. Whether you live in an apartment, a house, fraternity, or sorority, we all know the dining hall cravings come. By using this guide, hopefully you upperclassmen will fulfill your dreams of the deliciousness that is dorm food. Freshmen —sorry ‘boutchya. Do a girl a favor and buy us food every once and awhile. When that Breakfast Buddy craving starts next year, you’ll be happy you did!
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