Volume 1, Issue 1 | 10/05/11 - 10/26/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com
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“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
The Pick-Up Artist seduction in the iu dining halls Kate Waxler wrote this Freshman year was full of drinking in the dorms, sharing next to no space with people you barely know and eating disgusting amounts of food at the dining halls. Whether you were in Briscoe Disco or lived on the other side of the world in Eigenmann, dorm life was interesting to say the least. At the time they may have been the worst place to be; now the instant you meet a freshman all that comes to mind is one thing: meal points. No meal points? No problem. It’s time to abuse that little concept called seniority, friends. One of the best ways to still get food from the dining halls without actually paying for a single meal is to sweet talk a freshman. Think about it like this: You’re actually saving them from a possible pound or two—that’s what I call good karma. The Search: The best way to spot a freshman is to keep an eye out for confused looks and lanyards. If they sport either one, there's nearly a 100% chance you’ve spotted one. The Approach: Once you’ve successfully located the prey in its natural habitat, stand up straight and march right on up. Seeing someone with a powerful stride will secure your dominant position, automatically making that freshman your bitch. The Kill: Start off the conversation with small-talk — about how much you both hate classes or even the weather. Once you get the ball rolling, go into asking about how you’d be so happy to show them where the good parties are and where to hangout—pull them under your wing, or at least pretend like you are. When they excitedly agree, slip in the minor detail of how you don’t have meal points anymore—it’s a guarantee they will immediately offer to pay. The Bittersweet Goodbye: You and I both know talking to a freshman for too long can be painful, so the getaway has to be smooth. After you have successfully gotten your food paid for, you have a choice: either openly ditch them, or let the little bugger down easy. If the first choice,
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06: Hooking Up With Herman
Life in the library just got a little sexier
just give a quick “thanks for the food, freshman” and walk the other direction. If the second, give a shocked look and all of a sudden “realize” that you have to meet for a group project in 15 minutes. If you’re feeling extra charitable, exchange numbers, promising them (without really meaning it) that you’ll meet-up in the future. One way to prepare for this attack is to decide on what kind of food you are craving before you choose what dining hall to attend. Gresham is chalk-full of the best hangover foods, including Potato Oles, Breakfast Buddies, and the all-time favorite Tortellini Tuesdays. If you’re feeling on the healthier side, stop by the C-Store at McSlutt to grab fresh fruit or gluten-free snacks. The Bistro has arguably the best food on campus, including delicious sandwiches, burritos rivaling that of Qdoba, and waffles smothered in chocolate, whipped cream, and other sweet treats. Hoosier Den, aka Hoo Den, will both satisfy your drunk pizza craving and give you the entertainment of watching sloppy/tipsy freshman. Don’t know what you’re feeling? Your best bet is Wright, which has the most food choices on campus including Sbarro, Charlie Biggs and more. Also, remember that where you choose to eat decides what kind of freshman you will run into. Northwest has all your future frat-stars and sorority girls. One good thing about this is that guys pledging are used to succumbing to the older figure, making your plan of attack that much easier. Southeast is known for having the international kids, bookworms, and music freaks. Let’s be honest, most of these kids are too shy to stand up for themselves so you’re in the clear. Central is the mix of both weirdos and kids who wanted to live in Northwest but couldn’t- giving you the ability to choose your prey. Whether you live in an apartment, a house, fraternity, or sorority, we all know the dining hall cravings come. By using this guide, hopefully you upperclassmen will fulfill your dreams of the deliciousness that is dorm food. Freshmen —sorry ‘boutchya. Do a girl a favor and buy us food every once and awhile. When that Breakfast Buddy craving starts next year, you’ll be happy you did!
06: Rallying for IU Football Hey, we may suck, but not going to the game certainly blows.
11: DeadMau5, Live House
GLOWFest promises a crazy time, will you rage?
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Table of
contents 0514
10
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p5: Five Freshman Faux-pas Here’s five things we wish we knew when we were your age.
P12: the 14th minute Why are these celebrities popular? Nope, it isn't porn...!
p7: To Fake or Not to Fake An appeal as to why an ID isn’t worth it.
P13: we interview Hip-hop trip Das Racist, and no, they aren't racist
P10: Bartender of the month Whitney works at Kilroy’s, so we already like her a lot.
P13: CD Review We won’t listen to Feist’s new album more than one, two, three, four times.
P10: Recipe for Disaster: Breakfast Toaster It’s not just for making waffles anymore.
P14: seek-n-find Find all the hidden items, win a prize. Seems easy, right? Right!
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Helloooooo Hoosiers! Welcome to The Black Sheep at Indiana University, the new student newspaper that writes about everything YOU care about. My name is Peter Rentschler and I am the Campus Manager for Indiana University. The Black Sheep is a student newspaper that exists at 15 universities across the nation. Each campus has its own staff, which means IU students created everything you see in this issue. My team and I have been working non-stop to bring this paper to our beautiful campus and we think you’re going to like what we’ve got to offer. Every three weeks there will be a new issue hitting campus that covers college life through the eyes of a Hoosier; everything from the bar scene to entertainment to how to survive your freshman year. We’ll also be posting exclusive content online at www.theblacksheeponline.com during each issue cycle. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Make sure to keep your eyes open on campus for promotional events and free swag, and also check us out on Facebook and Twitter (it wouldn’t be a proper introduction without the shameless social media plug). If you have any suggestions or are interested in working for our staff, please email me at perorent@indiana.edu.
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down her assailant."
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you'll TOP people meet in the TEN dorms
5 Things I Wish I Knew as a Freshmen at Indiana University
10. The Outgoing Overachiever: The moment you meet this girl, she’s inviting you to the hall mixer and asking for signatures so she can run for student government. She joins every club and philanthropy group possible within the first month (Gotta build that resume!), and is perpetually handing out flyers about things you don’t want to read.
Elisabeth Klisser wrote this When looking back on my freshmen year of college in Bloomington, I can happily say it was one of the best years of my life. There are a few things, however, that I wish I would have known coming in. Below I have included a few pieces of advice to help you throughout your freshman year. Keep in mind that some bad ideas, like going to class drunk, are lessons that are better learned the hard way and thus, were not included.
9. The Shitshow: Freshmen year will be all the more entertaining because of this girl. You can count on her wasted antics to liven up any old boring Monday night. She’ll probably stumble into your room and beg you for ramen noodles, then pass out on the toilet in the community bathrooms. Anytime you need a drinking buddy, she will always, ALWAYS be down. 8. The Crackhead: This kid is the ultimate procrastinator, so in order to perform academically he takes obscene amounts of Adderall in one sitting. Sometimes he’ll be so jittery that you’ll worry his heart might stop, which is a legitimate concern. Be friends with this kid though, so you can get some focus potion when the time comes.
1) Don’t walk around campus looking for parties. For one thing, you look like a complete idiot marching down Jordan in five-inch heels and a mini skirt. We understand that you don’t have a car here, but that's not going to stop us from mercilessly mocking you and your thirty freshmen friends we see migrating from the dorms with absolutely nowhere to go. If you know of a party, cool, check it out. Otherwise, stay put. Dorm drinking is a great way to make friends on your floor and test the intelligence of your RA. 2) Don’t get burnt out on the food. Everyone is stoked for the cafeteria food at first. Except for the fact that you are going to be eating this stuff every single day, three times a day for the next nine months. Make sure you try everything once, and don’t overload on the good stuff right at first. Oh, and don’t even bother going to the cafeteria during the first month of school. Every club and residence hall on campus will be giving away free pizza… take advantage.
7. The Slut: Seriously, you will see this girl stumble in with a different dude each night of the week. She’ll claim that she had a serious boyfriend all through high school, so she’s using this time to “explore.” Don’t confuse her with the shitshow, because she’ll have plenty of sober bang buddies too. Expect most of your run-ins with her to be at the health center.
4) They are actually really serious about illegally downloading music. If you download music to your laptop at school, they WILL find you and you WILL be fined. This is not just a scare tactic. It’s the cold hard truth. So to get your new music fix, head to the Music, Movies, and More located in most residence halls on campus. You can borrow as many CDs as you want, and download them all to your computer. Trust me, from personal experience, it’s way better than a fat fine on your bursar.
"If you find yourself sitting in your buddy’s apartment drinking Karkov with the same people you hid in your basement with in high school drinking Karkov, you aren’t exactly getting the college experience"
3) Get a job. You’re going to be absolutely amazed at how fast you will burn through money. You’re going out four times a week now, instead of just one or two, so your expenses are going to be through the roof. Also: Girls, the shops on Kirkwood can be pricey, and with Daddy not there to foot the bill, the cost of all those adorable dresses and matching heels really start to add up. Getting a job on campus is a great way to meet new people, and make a little extra cash. Jobs on campus are convenient, and most campus employers make it easy to work around your schedule. Also, getting a job is way better than explaining to your mom why you ran out of your entire childhood savings in one semester.
5) Don’t hang out with the same people you went to high school with. College is all about branching out and meeting new people, so if you find yourself sitting in your buddy’s apartment drinking Karkov with the same people you hid in your basement with in high school drinking Karkov, you aren’t exactly getting the college experience. Be friendly and keep your door open when you’re in your dorm room, I promise you won’t regret it. Well, unless you get robbed. In that case, please don’t hold me accountable. You can do a lot of growing up in the nine short months that make up your freshman year, unless you’re spending your entire existence in your dorm room, playing the newest Call of Duty maps. Get out there and learn lessons by living life, it’s not all in the classroom.
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6. The Stoner: This kid invested in a $300 vaporizer before moving into the dorms so he could still smoke weed in his room unnoticed. He will always be baked. The stoner is also a good friend to have, as he’ll generously smoke you out and always be down to go get late night munchies with you. 5. The Mama’s Girl: This girl kind of sucks. Her dorm room is covered in pictures of her and her family at Disney World in 1997. She’ll always be in the lounge Skyping with her mom on her laptop about how excited she is to come home for the weekend. Every weekend. The only upside to this is that she’ll often bring back homemade cookies, which goes great after a mid-day hangout with the stoner. 4. The Extreme Sorostitute: This girl is obsessed with the sorority she was newly initiated into. She buys every t-shirt, sweatshirt, tote bag, key chain, and hair ribbon possible that sports her letters. Her first question to anyone she meets is “What’d you pledge?” and if they answer that they didn’t, she’ll say something casually condescending like, “It’s not for everyone” or “That’s cool.” She reeks of desperation. 3. The Moocher: This girl will never stop asking to borrow your shit. Every Thursday, you can guarantee she’ll be in your room, whining about how she has no clothes and rummaging through your closet. She’ll eat your Cheez-Its and watch TV on your futon while you’re doing homework because she’s bored. Often times, you will question if she really likes you, or just really likes your stuff. 2. The Anorexic Girl: This girl is so worried about gaining the freshmen 15 that she basically lives in Nike shorts and running shoes. She wakes up at 7 every morning to go for a run and gets a workout in every day regardless of how much school work she has. She never drinks (too many calories, duh) and if you do get her to go to the dining hall with you, she’ll eat celery and granola. 1. The Most Awesome Person Ever: Despite all the weird and obnoxious people you’ll meet in the dorms, you’re sure to meet at least one person that you just totally click with. The first time you hangout, you’ll stay up all night sharing life stories and future dreams (and probably sharing some cheap vodka). They’ll bring you McD's when you’re so hungover you think you’re dying, then go hard with you later that night. They will be a crucial part of your freshmen year experience, and will surely be there later in your college career to save you from the walk of shame.
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SHOUT OUTS! Hey Jeremy, remember that one time you thought the “F” in “DTF” stood for Frisbee? Keep asking the girls! -Mike Dear Bruce: We didn't make out cus you have stuff in your teeth. Dear drunky despite popular belief, mouthing “let’s go upstairs and screw” is not the best tactic Neighbors, quit calling the cops on us, sorry we party Karen E. is the only person on campus who requires a leash Caitlyn S. Dearest, darlingest roommate. I don't care that you keep bringing him home. But if you're going to fall asleep snuggling, at least admit you're dating. Love, sick to death of drama. Anthony - If you tell anyone my natural color, I'll kill you. - Hannah Shout out to all the people that can see me naked through my window! Dear Roomie. When I am sick, please do not wake me at 1 am to have another inane phone call with your boyfriend. Also, if I passively aggressively wake up and play tetris, it is a point- not permission to skype him and talk to his cat. Sincerely, WTF Wait...Jake...you're not an alum and you can't give me a summer internship? Dammit. - Sarah Boy from Nicks - what's your name again? And can I have my bra back, please?
SEND INYOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
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HOOKUP WITH HERMAN
Jillian Mandell wrote this
Have you ever shacked up with Herman for a night? Whether it was a brief onenight stand or an ongoing affair, at one point or another you two will probably tango. Although the library does have more than 4.6 million volumes, students often find themselves stumbling into the love shack for unrelated reasons. IU obviously has great academics, but attracts a lot of students for non-academic reasons — well the same holds true for the library. Had your nose in the books for too long? Need a release that only Herman can provide? Do you feel a tense sexual energy when you’re surrounded by books? Read on, and you’ll quickly learn a lot more is going down in those stacks than your math homework. Yeah, just like any walk of life, the library offers different strokes for different folks. First, if you’re a screamer then floor two or three is most definitely not going to work. These silent floors, are best suited for the couples that know how to keep it under wraps. If you’re too shy to get in on the fun then you may be categorized as a third floor voyeur. If you are looking for privacy don’t hang out here—but then again you shouldn’t be fooling around in Wells if you want privacy to begin with.
Looking to mingle? Floors four and five are for “group work.” Sometimes things get interesting when you’re assigned random groups in class—but you just never know how interesting they could end up. Take part in some debauchery and get to know your group even better than your teacher intended you to. And hey, if someone isn’t willing to contribute, you can always rat them out to teacher for not carrying their weight in the assroom. Are you a freshman, or just haven’t been daring enough to get frisky in the library? Then your first encounter should definitely take place in the stacks. With rows and rows of books it’s nearly impossible to get caught in this labyrinth, and if you do, you’re probably an inexperienced dumbass. Try to find a copy of the Kama Sutra to read up on when you’re in there. If you have a kinky side then check out the Law Library on South Indiana Ave. Although this is meant for law students, people sneak in here because it’s a hidden gem. Super quiet and secluded, you could easily get into some dominatrix stuff or bondage. Objection, your honor, on the grounds of sexiness. We all know those Kelley students are gonna need some sort of release…if you’re still searching for your partner venture over to the Business/SPEA Information Commons. It won’t be hard to find someone who is in dire need of a distraction, especially those in the midst of ICORE. Flash them that charming smile of yours, give them the nod, whatever it takes to let them know you are not there to do your K201 homework. With twenty-six different libraries on campus you should be able to find one that will be the perfect venue for your sexual needs. If you thought you were the only one hoping to fulfill this fantasy you are highly mistaken; the library has been rated on multiple scales as one of the tope five places to get steamy on any college campus. That being said – loosen up and take that well deserved study break, we all could use one!
Rallying for IU Football Ryan Kennedy wrote this Indiana University football is a program with a long and storied history. Unfortunately, that history is much longer than it is storied. It’s no secret that IU football has long struggled to find success on the gridiron, around here winning seasons are harder to come by than hot women at Purdue. That said, by far and away the most disappointing and underwhelming aspect of Hoosier football has nothing to do with the players or the coaches, it’s the fan support. It’s time for that to change. It’s time to grab a bottle and climb onto the bandwagon; IU football is turning it around. For the first time in a long time, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for Hoosier football. Head Coach Kevin Wilson is exactly the kind of no-nonsense asskicker this program needs. The man walked onto campus and made some serious moves to recruit Gunner Kiel, one of the nation’s top high school quarterbacks away from perennial BCS National Championship contender Alabama. That’s like turning water into wine. He’s got an endless supply of swagger, but Coach Wilson’s best quality is that he doesn’t buy into the “we’re going to suck because we’ve always sucked” bullshit attitude that’s been plaguing this campus for decades. He expects to win every week regardless of the opponent. That’s the kind of attitude Hoosier nation needs to have. We need to follow Coach Wilson’s example and rally around this team. On average, there are 10,000 empty seats at every home game. It’s not that those missing fans don’t exist, because they do. They’re all partying in the tailgate fields across the street. The problem is that when the cops roll through and shutdown the tailgate, most people simply stumble home. That’s simply weak. Hoosiers leaving a party early is something I never thought I’d see. Ever. Last time I checked this was Indiana University, and here at IU it’s tradition to rage our faces off harder than anyone else on the planet. So then why would we deny ourselves the opportunity to keep the party going inside Memorial Stadium? There is so much more yelling, chanting, cheering, and most importantly, heckling, to be done. One of the most common, and weak-
est, excuses for not going into the games is “I’ve been tailgating all day...” Ron Artest used to get bombed on Hennesy at halftime of Lakers games. Did that stop him from stepping back onto the court in the second half? Hell no. Sack up, get your act together, and go to the game. Rule number 76: No excuses, play like a champion. A badass coach and a quarterback phenom are huge steps forward, but there are still many more steps to be taken. Gunner Kiel is still a year away and there are issues at several positions that need to be addressed. IU football is heading in the right direction, but the Hoosiers aren’t going to the Rose Bowl any time soon. That’s just reality, but it isn’t a reason to skip the games. If anything the team needs fan support now more than ever. Fans can’t make plays on the field, but they can definitely have an impact on the game from the stands. Thousands of liquored up fans screaming their heads off is exactly the type of intangible force that confuses the hell out of opposing quarterbacks at the line of scrimmage and motivates defenses to hold on goal-line stands. At the end of the day, showing up to support the team isn’t about wins and losses, it’s about taking pride in being a Hoosier. Our team isn’t the best, that’s acceptable. Being subpar fans is totally unacceptable. The time has come for Hoosier football fans to step up and make it into the stadium to prove to other schools everywhere what we already know: This is Indiana.
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How to Tell if your Girlfriend is Faking It Elisabeth Klisser wrote this Boobs, tans, and state IDs: All things that are significantly better when real. For those of you freshmen and sophomores that have not quite hit the big two-one yet, you may be thinking a fake is your only ticket to some fun. Admittedly, raging hard at the bars sounds like nothing short of a great time, but there are some things to consider before blowing your paycheck on getting a fake ID. First off, paying for alcohol is never fun. When you drop into a random party in the Villas, whose apartment you may or may not know the owner of, it feels like people are pouring alcohol down your throat. When you are out at the bars, however, you are paying for all of those shots you’re taking, and the shots you bought your buddy, and the shots you bought that cute girl who has been all over you all night, and the shots for all of her sorority sisters, and the shots for the cute girl’s boyfriend as a peace offering so he doesn’t kick your ass for making out with his girlfriend. Before you know it, all your hard earned dough is out the window, and you don’t even remember how it happened. Face the facts, you are going to spend considerably less money getting trashed in your dorm room or apartment than out at the bars. But you don’t have to worry about this one, ladies. A little eyelash flutter and some excessive cleavage is enough to get you to blackout city in no time. Something that applies to both genders, however, is that you could get into some serious trouble if a bouncer or store clerk catches you with a fake. There is nothing more humiliating than getting kicked to the curb after trying to convince the bouncer that you’ve clearly lost a lot of weight and dyed your hair and grew seven inches since taking your ID picture. According to Indiana State law, trying to buy alcohol or get into a bar with a fake ID could land you with a whopping $500 fine, on top of getting your license suspended for a year. Try explaining why you can’t drive yourself home for break to Mom and Dad when they have to haul ass down to Bloomington to pick you up, and front you that $500 for the fine. Another matter to consider is that out at the bars, they’ll let anyone in that is over twentyone… and I mean anyone. Alongside you taking that tequila shot is a girl who could easily pass herself off as a man, an actual man well over the age of 35 who has no business in a college bar on a Saturday night, and a homeless-looking individual of debatable gender. If you’re partying out at your older brother’s apartment, though, you are more likely to have a much better selection of people to choose from for your inevitable one night stand. Or having a party of your own completely eliminates the risk of socializing with any uggos at all.
But even if you do manage to fool the bouncer with your phony license, convince all the charming gentlemen around you to buy you alcohol, and are completely sick of your brother’s friends from high school, there is still one buzz kill to going out before you are actually twenty-one: your twenty-first birthday! The first night you can legally purchase alcohol is supposed to be a night filled with craziness, face-plants, lots of drunken make-out sessions with strangers, and plenty of other surprises you definitely should hear about the next day. But if you’ve already spent your freshmen and sophomore years out at the bars with your bogus ID, the evening of your twentyfirst might just feel like any other night. You’ll probably be so sick of the bars at that point that you might not even want to go out and get publicly humiliated in front of your fellow B-town bar hoppers. And that is simply not the way your twenty-first birthday should be. All in all, having a fake ID has overwhelming benefits for you and your high school-level alcohol tolerance, but in actuality, not having a license that says twenty-one really isn’t that bad. So before you start faking it, like the girl you lost your virginity to, consider just riding out the dorms and house parties until you’re actually legal. And for the record, guys, no matter how sure you are that you can tell between a fake orgasm and a real one, you are always going to be about as clueless as when the bouncer asks you to spell your last name backwards.
SPECIAL NIGHT
WED: 15cent Beer $1.50 Mixed Drinks
MONDAY: Happy Hour All Day and Night! $1 Wells $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz import $3 Apples
$2 Happy Hour Everyday 3pm-9pm 24oz Bud and Bud Light 16oz Red Stripe Lager Stuffed Sticks and Wings
MONDAY: 4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $7 Pitchers Miller Lite
WED: We Are Kirkwood Wednesday | Mug Night. $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz Import $3 Long Islands $4 Triple Pinnacles Free Trivia at 11pm.
THURS
1-”2”-3 $1 Burgers from 5p-10p $3 cover (ladies free) FREE T-shirts at 9pm *while supplies last $1 Cherry bombs, Bazooka Joes, Jäger bombs $2 U-call-it’s Everything under $6 is $2
Big Gigantic (10/6)
$3 Thursday $3 Apples $3 32oz Drafts $3 You-Call-Its
$3 Thursdays $3 You-Call-It's Even the Cover is only $3
4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3.50 Long Islands $7 Pitchers of All Light Beer Sink the Biz night
$3 Thursday $3 Food Specials, Long Islands, Bottled Beer, You-Call-Its Free T-Shirt with Cover
FRI
$2 Bazooka Joes & Jäger Bombs $3.25 Three Olives Vodka $4 Three Olives Vodka/RedBulls $3 Miller Lite Bottles
$5.50 32oz Beer Dot Dot Dot w/ Wayland (10/7)
Frat Friday $2 House Pints $2 Red and Purple Jungle Juice
$5 Double Crown Royal $5 Double Captain Morgan $5 Double Absolute Vodkas $3 Sugared Shooters $5 Cover @10pm
5 6 Happy Hour $4 Franziskaner $3 Absolut, Crown, Captain, Jameson $7 Double Ketel Bloody Mary
Frat Friday $2 House Draft $2 Red and Purple Jungle Juice
$2 Bazooka Joes & Jäger Bombs $3.25 Bacardi Drinks $3 Coors Light Bottles
$5.50 32oz Beer Dot Dot Dot w/ Homegrown (10/8)
$6 Triple Absolut $6 Triple Captain
$6 Double Maker's Mark $6 Double Bacardi Rums $6 Double Stoli Vodkas $3 Sugared Shooters $5 Cover @10pm
5 6 Happy Hour $5 Double Absolut, Captain, Crown, Jameson $7 Double Ketel Bloody Mary
$6 Triple Absolut $6 Triple Captain. Kick-off at Kilroy's- open early on home football game days (free t-shirt and breakfast buffet with cover)
Closed
Dollar Double-Ups
Dollar Double Ups $2 Longnecks $3 Long Islands No Cover
$7 Double Ketel Bloody Mary $7 Pitchers Bud/Bud Light/Coors Light
Dollar Double-Ups
Karaoke Night $2 Dirty Birds
Happy Hour All Day and Night! $1 Wells $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz import $3 Apples
Happy Hour All Night $1 Well Drinks $2 Happy Hour Beer No Cover
4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $7 Pitchers Miller Lite
Happy Hour All Day and Night. $1 Wells, $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz Import 25cent Wings 50cent Breadsticks
Brett Dennen w/ Blind Pilot (10/11)
$2 Tuesday $2 Apples $2 Pints $2 You-Call-Its.
$2 Tuesdays Everything is $2 NO COVER!!
4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $3.50 Long Islands
$2 Tuesday $2 Food Specials $2 Long Islands $2 Bottled Beer $2 You-Call-Its
15cent Beer $1.50 Mixed Drinks
We Are Kirkwood Wednesday | Mug Night. $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz Import $3 Apples $4 Triple Pinnacles
Wednesdays on Walnut Everything is Half Price... EVERYTHING!! Ladies Night No Cover for Ladies
32oz Kirkwood Mug Specials! Nicksology 7-8pm $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $7 Pitchers Bud/Bud Light
We Are Kirkwood Wednesday | Mug Night. $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz Import $3 Long Islands $4 Triple Pinnacles Free Trivia at 11pm.
Bloody Mary Menu $1 Wells
(not including bloody marys)
$8 Bud Light Beer Towers $15 Killian’s Beer Towers $3 16oz Mason Jars (double wells, double Jack Daniel’s, double SoCo Bud & Bud Light) “Taco Tuesday” $1 tacos from 5p-Close $1 U-call-it’s (super premiums & pitchers excluded) Everything under $6 is $1 No cover for the ladies
WED
MON
$5 Bud Light Pitchers
TUES
SUN
“Taco Tuesday” $1 tacos from 5p-Close $1 U-call-it’s (super premiums & pitchers excluded) Everything under $6 is $1 No cover for the ladies
SAT
The Bar Grid
Brothers Mug Club 15¢ wings 9pm ‘til ??? $5 Mug Filled
(wells, domestic taps, Three Olives flavored long islands)
$1.50 refills $1.25 Miller High Life bottles
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Bartender of the
Issue Relationship Status: Single Celebrity Crush? Girl: Mila Kunis Boy: Channing Tatum Which celebrity would you punch in the face? Kanye West What is the funniest thing you’ve seen while working? Someone dumping a full long island iced tea on someone else. Worst hook-up story? Any guy that won’t leave in the morning. What is something your parents
man h c i l r ey Eh Whitn wood
Kirk canopy club Kilroy’s on
drink
don’t know? I have a nipple ring. How many 4-year-olds could you take in a fight? Four If you could create a holiday what would it be? A holiday of day drinking with rave lights or inflatable things and a bouncy house booze day to celebrate nice weather. What dead person would you most want to bring back to life? Heath Ledger
shot
Baltimore Zoo with Blue Moon + Rum, Vodka, Triple Sec, Orange Juice and Blue Moon
Rumpleminz + Straight up!
dare you Cement Mixer + Bailey's + Lime Juice
recipe for disaster:
drinking game:
Random “That’s sor random!” as Ja’mie from Summer Heights High might say about this here drinking game. But you’ll get wicked tipsy, and all of the Grade 11 guys will think you’re the hottest girl in public school, so you should definitely play this. What You Need: A whole bunch of random hotties, liquor, some sense of the English vocabulary. Number of Players: Three or more. Intoxication Level: Sorrrrr drunk, you don’t even know. How to Play: - The first person to start names a totally random object, like “penis.” -The next person has to say a word that is totally unrelated. For example, if they said “sweaters” they would be safe, and the next person would go. If they said “dildo” they’d have to take a shot. - The game is fast paced, so shots are taken while the next person goes, though they have to start with a brand new word. The Game Ends When: Everyone starts arguing about the intricacies of the English language and how an idea is an object if you examine it with the right philosophical eye, like how the idea of government economic control is a tangible thing. It’s going to get… drunken. And random.
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Breakfast Toaster
Who in their right mind doesn’t love breakfast for dinner? Even people not in their right mind love it, and they take that love to places we sober people never dared to take them.
What You Need: 1 sausage patty, 2 fried eggs, 2 slices of bread, 1/4 cup of milk/ egg mixture, peanut butter, syrup and hot sauce are optional. Cook Time: 15 minutes, but it’ll feel like 50 years. Fatty Factor: If it’s 4am, doesn’t this count as a balanced breakfast? We think so. Let’s Get Baked: - Take a sausage patty and throw it into a hot pan; cook until there’s no more pink in the middle. - Next, fry up two eggs to your particular fried-egg delight. Once the sausage and eggs are done, remove them from the pan. - Dip your pieces of bread into the egg/milk mixture and cook it up on the stove top, like French toast. - Once the bread is fully cooked, remove them from the pan. - Spread peanut butter on both sides of the bread, and place the sausage and fried eggs between them. - Drizzle on syrup, hot sauce, or both. See, getting toasted and doing something weird doesn’t always end bad! Now, the time you drank 4 cups of that Jungle Juice with Everclear and started heckling a dying bush, that was pretty weird.
Deadmau5, LIVE HOU5E How would you like to be ankle-deep in mud in the middle of bum-fucking-nowhere, shoulder to shoulder with thousands of shark-eyed, strung-out strangers, with only the decrepit bus you came in on to get you home safely? The stoned masses of Woodstock thought it was pretty frickin’ chill. This year, the folks dropping the shekels to bring Deadmau5 to IU are banking on the fact that you will too. Deadmau5 spent the summer making Mickey Mouse pancakes cool again. The MP3 jockey headlined the last day of Lollapalooza—which turned into a raucous concert in the pouring rain that felt like that one cave scene in the The Matrix: Reloaded where people are literally balls deep on the dance floor. Other than that, Deadmau5 must have had a hard time deciding whether to spend the gobs of money he made on coke and strippers or a new doodad for his seizure-inducing light show. As much as we all hope it’s the former, reports of Joel Zimmerman (the man “behind the mouse head”) putting his brother through school to master the lasers and LED suggest the latter. The combination of pounding bass, cascading synth, and epic song samples make for an atmosphere that would have even the most ardent mymuscles-are-too-big-to-waste-on-dancing bros doing their own version of a hippy head-bob. Every year for the past three years, the GLOWfest music festival has had its proverbial finger to the pulse of popular music, landing the hottest and most current acts. In spring 2010, the headliners Mike Posner and LMFAO lit up the sky behind the bell tower on North Jordan. Posner got the crowd in the right place, and the venue reached euphoria as the hot sun began to set and the sky turned purple. In 2011, GLOWfest upped the ante, landing headliners Pretty Lights and Chiddy Bang. Needless to say, shit got reckless when the light show picked up. Deadmau5 is not going to be alone in lighting up the sky on October 19. Fellow Lollapalooza alum Feed Me will be opening. Feed Me would be clumped into the same genre as Deadmau5... if anyone knew what to call the damn music. Somehow “trance” and “dubstep” are not applicable to the fury that is released at the drop of the bass in tunes like “Cloudburn” by Feed Me or Deadmau5’s ever popular “Raise Your Weapon.” A description
11 Mack Sterr wrote this
more becoming of the irks and WOMPS that bombard the listener would be “brain-bleeding” music. This fall, the rager has been sequestered to a farm not far off campus in response to the ever-tightening butthole that is IU legislation. Due to an adjustment in the way the administration approves concerts, Pic-a-chic farms—a name that is as creepy as it is confusing—has become the stand-in open field of choice. On the day of the show, there’s no need to make your unwanted friend who smells like incense drive his ’96 Astro-van the 10 miles to Pick-a-Chic Farms. Buses have been made available; not only to freight eager Hoosiers to the farm, but also to ship in sauced co-eds from schools around the Midwest. Changes are being made internally to the concert model as well. This year, the GLOWfest mold of festival-style artist lineups is being broken into a standard headliner/opener template. The concert is also adapting philanthropically, moving from representing a single charity to a ticket-based system for charitable donations. In this new set-up organizations like IUDM, charities, and clubs can have $2 from every ticket sold go to their charity. Think of it as an act of good to counter the moral footprint that is bound to be left in the grass that night. If that’s not enough motivation enough for you penny-squeezers to go buy tickets, know that the winning organization has the opportunity to claim a prize including a private bus, preferred express entrance, and after party credentials. Producers of GLOWfest are expanding, moving the experience to the hipster havens ASU and NYU. Jack Shannon, IU alum and co-creator of the GLOWfest brand, says it best in his own words when he describes a vision of “Everyone in the BIG TEN descending on this f**cking field in the middle of Indiana.” In the tone of his voice, it is apparent that Jack Shannon and his team have higher hopes for GLOWfest than the general public suspects. Already, a 14-date GLOWfest tour is in the works for the spring, beginning in Miami and ending on the east coast, somewhere in the vicinity of that original rural music bash in upstate New York way back when. There’s a calm to him that says: if I build it, they will roll.
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12
the
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h t 4 1 Minute!
Leonardo DiCaprio is world-famous for acting in some of the best films of the last decade. Hillary Clinton is famous because she’s the most powerful woman in the world. A small Senegalese child knows LeBron James because he can jump out of a building in a single bound. But what about the rest? In this era of celebrity culture there’s too many people famous for…what exactly? To see if we could pin these pretenders we looked at celebrity gossip websites to find people we couldn’t identify, then we tried to identify what made them worthy of the limelight. By: Brendan
*
Kim Delaney We Think She’s Famous For: Being T-Mobile’s ad spokeswoman when flip phones were still the cat’s pajamas, as folk were wont to say in 1996. Why She’s Actually Famous: This actress has been on a bunch of relatively popular TV shows, like Army Wives, The O.C. and N.Y.P.D. Blue. Recently, though, she made headlines for giving a speech in front of a bunch of military folk…drunk. Where She’ll Be In Five Years: A wonderful land called Denial, where your third and fourth stints in alcohol rehab mean you get comp’ed your fifth check-in.
Joe Manganiello We Think He’s Famous For: Being a club promoter in Scottsdale, Arizona. There’s rumored to be pictures of him snorting coke off of Lindsey Lohan’s tits. Why He’s Actually Famous: Joe plays werewolf Alcide Herveaux on HBO’s True Blood, because being tall, ripped and handsome is a prerequisite for being a werewolf. Nerds have nothing to worry about. Where He’ll Be In Five Years: He’ll be starring opposite Bradley Cooper in a summer bromance movie called Hairy Waves.
Brenda Song We Think She’s Famous For: Song is the Rebecca Black of Thailand, where her hit, “Only 20 Hours of Work Today!” propelled her to superstardom. Why She’s Actually Famous: Being a huge hit on the Disney Channel, most notably as London Tipton on The Suite Life of Zack & Cody. Where She’ll Be In Five Years: In a bathtub full of money, laughing and sipping champagne while screaming out, “Sweatshop profiteering is the best!”
Michaele Salahi We Think She’s Famous For: A early-90s criminal case that saw her spend 12 years in jail after sleeping with one of her 14-year-old students. Basically, she looks like a hot teacher. Why She’s Actually Famous: Besides having an impossible-to-spell name, Salahi is best known for her role on The Real Housewives of D.C. In 2009 she made waves for crashing a White House party, and made headlines a few weeks ago by leaving her husband for Neal Schon, the guitarist for Journey. Where She’ll Be In Five Years: Back in her plastic surgeon’s office, getting an estimate on how much it would cost to give her facelift a facelift.
Austin Butler We Think He’s Famous For: Being exactly what the Nazis had in mind when they started their eugenics program. Why He’s Actually Famous: Butler is known for his work in Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide and High School Musical spinoff Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure. Where He’ll Be In Five Years: On the secret Nazi moon base, preparing to exact revenge for the historically tragic death of his biological father, Adolf Hitler.
Imogen Thomas We Think She’s Famous For: By the looks of it, she’s a recent recipient of a MacArthur Genius Grant for the work she’s done in the field of advanced particle physics. Why She’s Actually Famous: Thomas is known for her 3-month stay on British reality show Big Brother, and her two big sisters. By “sisters” we mean “tits.” Where She’ll Be In Five Years: Thomas will be the Queen of the Island of Misfit Floozies, which is actually a couple miles off of the southern tip of Florida.
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Das Racist
the interview
Don’t worry guys, we didn’t interview the entity that is racism. Das Racist is a trio of multiethnic dudes from Brooklyn whose unconventional style has landed them on multiple “best of” lists and on the stages of dozens of high-profile music festivals. Their latest album Relax just dropped and they’re coming to a city near you...soon. We chatted with them about live performances, growing up, and ideal fast food combinations. TBS: You guys have a very energetic live show. Offstage are you guys pretty animated, or are you pretty mellow? Das Racist: Yeah, more than like your average moron-like manner. To be honest, the way I think about it – which I never have before you asked me about it – I guess when we started doing shows we would be drunk or high a lot, so that kind of energy was from something we were doing offstage. Now it’s not quite the case. It’s just something that I’ve gotten used to doing and it’s kind of the only way I know how to do something up there. So we’re doing a rap show, we don’t really have a guitar and keyboard and whatever, so, I mean, what are we going to do? Then we’re getting completely bored on stage, you know, standing around on a small area for 45 minutes to an hour. Like, you can imagine if whatever room you’re in right now I locked the doors and like, you just have to hang out for an hour. You know, and most people need something to do, and we don’t want to be boring and be completely wasting everybody’s time. TBS: You mentioned that you’d go on stage and be drunk or on some sort of drug. As you’ve taken this more seriously as a career, is that something that you’ve purposely toned down or are you just getting more mature? Das Racist: The way we started out, we’d sometimes do gigs for like $50 or it’d be for drink tickets. So when you’re doing a show for drink tickets, you’re obviously going to get drunk because they’re giving you drink tickets and no money. So I think being mature, maybe, I don’t know, that word kind of sounds ridiculous. It just got boring, you know what I mean? And also, if my
CD REVIEW
Out Now
Feist Metals
One, two, three, four no more. Real, old school fans of Feist have known her since her beautiful, whispering words in the nearly decade old tune “Lover’s Spit,” when she was a more prominent member of the Canadian band Broken Social Scene in which, not so beautifully (or, whatever, some of you weirdoes might find it hot), she sang about people giving blow jobs. New fans of Feist know her from that catchy-ass tune from an iPod Nano commercial which, coincidentally, was the only song off of The Reminder that she didn’t write. Ironic? Well, yes, and the fact that little ole’ Leslie Feist is practically a household name now. Who knew she got her start singing about semen. Feist’s third album Metals comes over a year after the aforementioned album, a few Grammy nominations and that one damn hit “One Two Three Four.” Despite the extreme success of that song, the rest of The Reminder is by far Feist’s best solo stuff to date — it’s passionate, genuine, at times upbeat and at times perfectly sentimental. But Feist has always done that so well, juxtaposing both genres in a listenable, creative, successful way. But where Metals has plenty of the slow, soft-spoken songs to put yourself in a weird mood, there isn’t any of the upbeat to balance out the lows with the highs.
UPCOMING RELEASES
C-
The opening track “The Bad in Each Other” is an optimistic start and teases the listener; the track is heavy-ish and actually somewhat fast paced, but is unlike the rest of the album. The songs that aren’t entirely depressing (“How Come You Never Go There”) are, to be blunt, lame and uninteresting. “Woe Be” is her best from the second half of the album, still desperately slow and soft but with a more interesting guitar sounds and beautiful vocals. It’s not surprising that Metals is so far removed from her last two albums — she practically hid out in the prairies of France to write this album, and it only took her, oh, a year to find the inspiration to start making music again. It’s a shame that she seemingly “lost it,” and it’s no doubt that the unexpected national attention of that one stupid song kind of threw her off. Well, it’s not stupid, it really is a great song. But it’s sad that it became totally commercialized, which was clearly never Feist’s intent. Oh well, she can always bask in all of her royalty’s and remember the days of singing about jizz. Sounds Like: The inside of a tear drop. Download: The Bad in Each Other, Woe Be Listen to it When: You’re not contemplating suicide, but want to.
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Jack's Mannequin: People & Things Mayday Parade: Mayday Parade Misfits: The Devil's Rain Scott McCreery: Clear As Day
Styles P: Master Of Ceremonies The Misfits: The Devil's Rain Ben Lee: Deeper Into Dreams William Shatner: Seeking Major Tom
job is to tour and I’m going to have to do five shows in a row while traveling and waking up at 6 in the morning, I can’t feasibly get fucked up every night because it wouldn’t be fun anymore, it’d be impossible to wake up and not be in a terrible mood. And it’s just boring: I’m like 26-years-old, what am I going to do, get fucked up in front of a bunch of 18, 19-year-old kids? TBS: You guys get a lot of critical acclaim, from MTV, Spin, Rolling Stone, etc. Do you guys consider that at all when you’re making musical decisions? Das Racist: It is appreciated, but, you know, it’s not like “Whoa! This staff writer at Spin likes something we made!” it’s more like “Whoa, a lot of people buy Spin at the airport who have never heard of us,” you know? I mean, it’s always nice to hear nice things, whatever, but it’s not like we’re so “Oh, we’re going do what we’re going to do regardless!” Like, what else am I going to read, something about some other guy? I’d rather read about myself. Yeah, I definitely keep up and shit, but it’s not that big of a deal. TBS: So you guys have Relax, your new album that just came out. How does a group like you guys go about constructing a song? Das Racist: Well, I mean, we’ll first kind of write in the studio, sometimes someone will have some verses or parts of verses worked out and they’ll bring those in. It’s not a completely collaborative process. If you’re listening to it, the two guys don’t even sound very much alike, they don’t rap very similarly. So, it’s collaborative in that they usually record in the same studio and they record together a lot of the time, but other than that it’s not like coming in together with two notepads on their lap and a guy playing a beat and they’re listening to the beat… but that actually does happen a little bit. (laughs) I think it’s kind of two different processes going on at the same time, rather than like peeking over another person’s shoulder and see what they’re doing. TBS: What would be on your perfect sandwich? Das Racist: I don’t even like sandwiches that much. Bacon, avocado, cheese, tomato? On some sourdough bread. TBS: You guys have an album called Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. If you could combine any two fast food franchises, which would you choose? Das Racist: Maybe fuckin’ Panera Bread and Chipotle. Or In-N-Out Burger and Quiznos. TBS: Drink of choice? Das Racist: Water, and champagne.
brendan and jess wrote this
Seek-n-Find! Can you find all 10 hidden items? If so, the first 10 people win a bottle opener, koozie, pen, or something else to make you happy! Hit us up at puzzles@theblacksheeponline.com and good luck!
( class time )
Madlib: Worst Class Ever! 1) Class you are in. 2) Day of the week 3) Random daydream 4) Your name 5) Something hard to explain 6) Something specific to #5 7) Reason why you cut class 8) Unit of time 9) Person in class you like 10) That person’s gender 11) What you wanted to do to them 12) Something gross 13) Your best friend 14) Stupid question 15) Made-up sexual act 16) Stupid thing to buy 17) Article of clothing
So there you are, sitting in ___1___ just like any other ___2___. You’re spacing out, dreaming of a ___3___ when all of a sudden the classroom falls silent. Everyone turns to look at you. The professor speaks up, “___4___ I asked you to explain ___5___, can you explain why ___6___?” And this is when it hits you, skipping last week’s lecture to ___7___ was a huge mistake. ___8___ later and you’re still silent. Now ___9___, the ___10___ you were hoping to ___11___ looks at you like you’re ___12___. All you can stammer out is, “I don’t know.” It gets worse, though. Now that you’ve proved your idiocy ___13___, your best friend, piles on. “Hey dude, ___14___? What’s the ___15___? How much does a ___16___ cost?” Everyone’s laughing at you, and you even wore ___17___ to class today.
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