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Volume 1, Issue 4 | 10/12/11 - 11/02/11 | theblacksheeponline.com
The
Our Favorite Halloween Characters:
Black Sheep Where are they now?
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
callie wrote this Halloween is known the nation over as a celebration of the scarier side of life. Death looms heavy on October 31st, but with it, reincarnation. And who doesn’t believe in some sort of afterlife, unless you use sound judgment and reason in your day-to-day life? Nevertheless, there’s more than just the literal interpretation of rebirth, and in this case we’re talking about life after the creep show. Let’s see what some of our favorite spooky specters have been up to in their postfame reincarnation. Sarah Sanderson (Hocus Pocus): Well your suspicions can finally be put to rest. I know you’ve all been contemplating that final scene from Hocus Pocus for years now; the one after the witches have been turned to stone and then suddenly the book’s eye opens and creepily rolls around. Well, the rumors are true. The sisters are alive. After she came back to life, Sarah Sanderson moved to New York City for love. Unfortunately her dim-witted demeanor that made her the target of Winnie’s wrath continued to plague her in NYC. Her insecurities made her develop an eating disorder and she became a sex addict. Thankfully for her that unhealthy combo was perfect for an HBO TV show… Winifred Sanderson (Hocus Pocus): Winnie was always the plotter of the family, and those skills really shaped her life post reincarnation. Winnie made several attempts at taking over the world and finding the fountain of youth because her appearance was scary when she’s young, and she’d be terrifying with saggy skin and liver spots. After sucking the life force from several children under the alias
Other stuff
Inside
04: The Black angel
get real weird and see it after a NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
of Zenida Jones, Winnie was able to keep her appearance the same. After a few plastic surgeries and several visits to the gym, Winnie looked like a whole new person. She changed her name to Demi Moore and has been shocking people with her Dorian Gray-esque appearance for years. Mary Sanderson (Hocus Pocus): Best known for being the chubby Sanderson sister who chose to ride a vacuum instead of a broom, Mary Sanderson has led an interesting life. Plump and constantly befuddled was not working out as a lifestyle for Mary. She was a lonely 300 year old witch whose only friends were cats she was hoarding in her Midwestern apartment. In 2008 she decided to go on The Biggest Loser and lost 120 lbs. Continuing her trend being on reality television, Mary appeared on hoarders last year and has downsized to having only one cat. As a result she’s gotten 16 views on her eHarmony profile; it may even result in a date if she plays her cards right! Charlie Brown (It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown): Although we've all loved the Peanuts character for years, he unfortunately didn’t love himself. After years of relentless bullying from Lucy, Charlie succumbed to a debilitating spiral of depression. On Christmas Eve in 2006, Charlie took his own life. It was the greatest cartoon tragedy to ever occur; Woodstock hasn’t left the roof of his dog house since it happened.
...continued on page 11 06: your last halloween ever
until next year, and the year after that one.
13: we interview das racist
a hip-hop trio who are, in fact, not racists.