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Volume 1, Issue 1 | 8/18/11 - 9/7/11
The
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
Species analysis: the freshman Luke Elzinga wrote this
As another year starts at Iowa State the Freshman will once again invade our campus. Little do they know that the Freshman is easily recognized by veteran students. Super Seniors have even been known to smell the specimen from half a mile away. For the Freshman, its identity is not one it can completely escape. However, it can avoid embarrassment and gain respect by using a few simple camouflage techniques. The Freshman’s poor navigational skills, doubled with its new environment, are a recipe for confusion. Campus maps are required to familiarize the Freshman with its surroundings, but are one of the first indicators of the Freshman’s identity. An intelligent Freshman will study the campus thoroughly before classes, memorizing the immense trails and landmarks. If the Freshman’s memory ever lapses, campus maps can be accessed and searched inconspicuously behind the cover of a laptop computer. Backpacks are essential to the Freshman, along with the rest of the campus population. However, the Freshman utilizes the backpack at times that other students do not: weekend nights. At these times the Freshman converts the backpack from an academic tool to a weapon of mass intoxication. The Freshman travels on Lincoln Way to Campustown
Other stuff
Inside
apartments, house parties and other gathering places to consume alcohol with the masses. When questioned on its destination, the Freshman’s normal response is “the library.” If caught by authorities, the Freshman is issued a citation in the form of an MIP or Minor in Possession. To avoid detection and trouble, the clever Freshman “pregames” in the dormitories before leaving. This makes the trek easier at the cost of having to purchase a colored cup. If caught drinking in the dormitories, the Freshman faces a much lighter punishment than if out on the streets. In the academic environment the Freshman can be sighted in the front row scrawling notes quickly onto notepads. Unbeknownst to the Freshman, many professors post notes, slides and other materials online. An observant Freshman will scour syllabi for these important details. Although professors may seem like indomitable predators, most are helpful and understanding. That being said, the Freshman will quickly learn that it cannot get away with the bullshit it pulled in high school. Community living can kill a Freshman or inspire it to prosper. Now independent, the Freshman may be tempted to skip class, eat ice cream for every meal and organize dormitory
04: Welcome back to Ames
Summer’s just over, which means your life is about to begin.
shenanigans. Moderation is one of the most important words the Freshman can have in its vocabulary. Dining dollars can disappear faster than passing grades for the irresponsible Freshman. Those who indulge in green herbs should exercise caution when getting stupid high. Covert cannabis operations can be foiled by scent, sight, and sound. Skunky smelling hallways, bloodshot eyes and the sound of laughter during a Dane Cook stand-up are all obvious giveaways. The Freshman will constantly be surrounded by its own species in its habitat. Because of this, it is important for them to seek out the company of some of its older peers. These fountains of wisdom can be most easily found through student clubs and organizations. Common interests allow scholars of all class levels to converse, network and build relationships. As the Freshman steps foot on campus this year, it is entering one of the most influential habitats of its life. The Freshman must use sound judgment, self control and organization if it wants to succeed at the collegiate level. Camouflage can help shield it, but ultimately the Freshman must face its identity with confidence. And maybe, just maybe, pride.
07: one last Float Trip!
The Skunk River doesn’t live up to its name, so slide on down it, with a brew in hand.
15: the black sheep interviews:
Peter, Bjorn and John!