F-It Friday 23 by The Black Sheep

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“Because you know you checked out on Wednesday...”

Friday, June 10th, 2011 ISSUE 23

summer reading list

FOR PUBLIC TRANSPO, YO

BASKETBALL DIRK NOWITZKI IS BETTER THAN YOU

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ELECTRIC FOREST MUSIC FEST OUR SWEET PREVIEW

THE HOOD INTERNET

OUR INTERVIEW WITH STV

Things You Can Do That Your Girlfriend Shouldn’t j. evan curry wrote this The world is a strange place, filled with strange people. Especially the women. Let me start over. Women are hot damn nuts. (That didn’t seem much better.) Apparently you are supposed to be understanding when all of the farts she snuck out under the blankets waft out at you, but when YOU give HER the ol’ “Manhattan Heat Wave”, it’s all of a sudden a big deal. I want to get mad, but then I realize that are some double standards I employ pretty much weekly. Don’t get upset, guys.You’ve got it pretty good. Don’t believe me? Here’s just a few things you can do that your girlfriend shouldn’t. Help the other climb stairs by putting both hands on their butt and pushing up Why you can: Some people say that chivalry is dead. I don’t believe those people. What better way to show just how much you care about a girl than to help her climb the stairs? In my day, the lady in question would be so grateful to the young gentleman she would invite him to stay for some coffee. And after the coffee maybe a

chance to see that dainty caboose you so selflessly helped lift. Why she shouldn’t: I don’t know what the fuck she’s thinking, but this sure doesn’t help me climb the stairs. It helps me fall over. It helps me get one of those wedgies that isn’t big enough for other people to see, but is big enough to make me feel weird about myself. But it doesn’t help me climb shit. Pee outside/with the door open Why you can: First off, a guy can pee with the door open because at any moment he can rotate his body to provide a barrier from the outside world. Second, the only thing a guy needs to pee is the ability to get to his dick. No matter the time or location, if you can get it out, you can piss. I’ve seen a man walk down the middle of the sidewalk pissing the whole way. Who cared? Nobody. Except maybe the people that were behind him. Why she shouldn’t: One time I went to Texas to visit a friend of mine. We pulled up to a party and there was a lady squatting in CONTINUED ON PAGE 2

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the gutter on the side of the road, apparently trying to see how far she could move a cigarette butt without ever touching it. My appreciation for both cigarettes and pissing contests took a big hit that night. Get super drunk and puke everywhere Why you can: This is kind of a tricky section, because there are really only a few precise situations in which it’s actually acceptable. If you and your buddies are challenging each other to see who can do the longest keg stands, things are bound to get a little ugly. In this situation, most of the people there are probably going to end up puking everywhere, so it’s ok. It’s actually kind of a bonding experience. I made some of my closest friends by throwing up in their bathroom and demanding they bring me some bread.

Why she shouldn’t: I don’t know what it is, but there is a gene in that second x-chromosome that either makes them forget that they threw up or makes them want to pretend that they never threw up. Either way, baby, you got something that looks like clam chowder and carrots all over your shirt and in your hair. By the way – no, I do not want to make out with you right now. Oh god, you’re going for it anyway... Re-reading this article, I feel like I might potentially offend some of my readers of the fairer sex. I hope that isn’t the case.These are all just jokes, ladies, and you know that without you guys men would have run their species into the ground millenia ago. That being said – we’re good, right, sugartits?

Your Summer Public Transportation Reading List JILL D’ONFRO wrote this Over the last few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of public transiting. Although I sometimes find myself bemoaning the lack of cellular service, the ever-presence of at least one homeless-type sitting a little too close, or the grittiness of the matted seats, I have to admit that I’ve been able to do an interesting bit of people watching. Even though I’ve ridden the T hundreds of times and have my morning route memorized, I’m still just a little too paranoid about missing my stop to allow myself to become immersed in a book, and so I’m stuck staring at all those people who don’t harbor similar fears. Meaning, of course, that I seriously judge each bookworm by what they’re reading. What I’ve discovered: you can always judge a person by their book’s cover. So, for those of you who can happily keep your nose in a book while hurtling towards your mind numbing nine-to-five, I’ve compiled a list of what you should be reading for various personalities/qualities that you may want to exude. If you’re gonna be judged, might as well take control of the situation, right?

the cover should do the trick. And no, this is not meant to be a pun. If you’re reading a book with a hot, blood-sucking demon plastered across the front (because, yes, every vampire cover must be sexed up), then chances are, you’re horrible. Was that harsh? The truth hurts.

What You Should Read if You Want to Look: Hip: While there are definitely a lot of books out there that could instantly up your cool factor, reading anything by JD Salinger is foolproof. Nothing says, “Oh shit, I’m cool,” like a dogeared, soft-covered Salinger. Little warning though: get caught perusing “Catcher in the Rye,” and it may look like you’re trying too hard. “Nine Stories,” anyone? Don’t forget to look pensive, and keep your thick-rimmed glasses on the edge of your nose!

Crazy: Admittedly, the easiest way to look crazy on public transportation is to wear ragged clothes and mutter animatedly to yourself, but let’s say that you want a more subtle, literary approach. My recommendation: “Charles Manson: Helter Skelter and Beyond.” Not only does the book have a chilling picture of Charlie smack dab on the front (sure to freak out your T-mates!), but the sight of you excitedly reading about brutal mass-murder makes you seem even more menacing than the Playboy guy.

Creepy: Playboy Magazine. No better way to make every person around you feel uncomfortable than by flipping through a pornographic magazine on the T! Prepare yourself for some great dirty looks, and probably a two-seat boundary around you in either direction.

Smart: Wanna convince every other person on the subway that you’re the most erudite, deep-thinking, and mentally sophisticated one there? Proudly carry anything by a Russian author. Dostoyevsky, Pasternak, Tsvetaeva, Tolstoy, Sholokhov, Solzhenitsyn: the less pronounceable the last name, the better. Seriously, carry around “Anna Karenina” and people will start asking you for help on their crosswords.

Like Someone Who Sucks: Any book with a vampire on

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Putting All Your Eggs in one Basketball

evan vanderwerker wrote this

I was watching the NBA Finals last week, probably for the first time in my 21 years, and I got a glimpse of this Dirk Nowitzki character. Have you seen him? This 12-foot, 14-inch guy plays basketball like it’s his job. He’s out there on the court throwing elbows and slamming himself haphazardly between two refrigerator-shaped human beings before flinging the ball up carelessly over his head and crashing into the crowd.Then he sits there, his athletic shorts riding up his gigantic legs, and holds his arms up like a child wanting to be picked up by his mommy, until two or three other players, or a crane, come over and lift him up. Woe is me, woe is me, because Dirk Nowitzki is not the first basketball basket-case I have come across. Nay.The basketball gyms on campus for the average college student always seem to bring out these Dirk No-I-Do-Not-Want-To-Play-With-You-witzki players or as I like to call them, business majors. I’m talking about the guys that bring their own ball, and refuse to even dribble the alleged sorry-excuse-for-synthetic-leather basketballs the gym provides. I’m talking about the guys that spend more time stripping off layers and lacing up 200 dollar sneakers than actually playing. And, I’m talking about the guys that wear a shooting sleeve. (Heck, the guys that know where to even buy a shooting sleeve!) We have all, on occasion, gathered a group of friends together for a few in-house pickup games, or a rousing tournament of “Horse,” called “Equestrian” by the politically correct and athletic few. In the middle of this fun, a short and small wearer of “Big & Tall” clothing interrupts your moments of irreplaceable male bonding, and asks if you want to partake in a dangerous game of violence, trash-talking, and tears. There’s always that one misguided friend of yours that agrees for the group, and at the same time there’s always that one more realistic friend that immediately declines and must be persuaded to play. Once Richard is back on board, the misguided friend will agree to keep teams as they are and the basket-brawl begins.

After a few impressive, yet non-aggressive, points, you figure they are just a group of better ball-players. Of course, then the Richard of your group gets hit in the nose with a accidentally stray elbow, his eyes start to tear up, and he makes a quick slight about how he didn’t want to play in the first place.This charge of realism forces you to reconsider the current situation, and that’s when you notice that this friendly game is not as it seems. All of a sudden, a slew of dive-balls, dunks, grunts, and disturbing facial expressions start surfacing from these monstrous monster-monstrosities.The other team almost instantly went from a less-coordinated 90’s boy band to the Hulk, Mr. Hyde, the Tasmanian Devil, a dinosaur, and Stromboli from Pinocchio. But, please, do not smugly disregard this intemperate, yet misunderstood bunch. Understand them! There life had been all about basketball before being denied entry onto a college team. Trust me, it’s not easy waking up every morning and being forced to lazily spam the snooze button, sluggishly forcing down a bowl of protein-filled Fruit Loops, arriving late to class, paying a dollar for an extra slice of plastic pizza at lunch, skipping practice to watch Boy Meets World after school, and putting in about an hour or two of mirror time telling yourself how great you are at basketball without having to try. (Do you understand the picture I am painting? They did not try hard!) They thought they were going to coast through college ball and be a part of that less-than-one-percent of college athletes that make it to the NBA. I mean, did you read their daily ritual? They were so close! All in all, these young gentlemen make the gym quite a frightening place. I just do not understand how these independently-thinking ogres can so blatantly refuse to conform to the standards of pick-up basketball! Yeesh! They should be called “mavericks” for their independence and lack of conformity! Oh, that makes sense. Carry on, Dirk.

Preview: Electric Forest Music Festival

jessica sommers wrote this

The Electric Forest Music Festival is a whole lot more than just music. They’re got the freakin’ electric Sherwood forest full of trippy lights and trees wrapped in lights and probably some purple elephants talking to you in Latin wearing some more lights. They have hammocks in said forest. They have a beach next to said forest. They have a glow-in-the-dark disc golf course, for goodness sakes. It’s like a playground for kids, and maybe for 20 to 60-somethings who still act like kids. Ah yes, and the wonderful music to bring all of this together. From jam bands to classic acts to every unique performance in between, Electric Forest is sure to be one hell of a weekend. Here are some of the acts that we can’t wait to get freaky to. Bassnectar: So maybe everyone and their alter-egos are excited to see the dubbiest of the dubstep, Bassnectar’s Lorin Ashton, wobble around on stage and push some buttons on a fun machine. Oh, and probably to see the near physical energy, the convulsing light show, the smashing heads and the seizuring bodies, the props, the confetti, the dollar bills and strippers flying in the air… alright, maybe not that last one. But if Bassnectar isn’t the definition of an energetic, exciting electronic show, then that doobie is actually just a hand-rolled cigarette. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros: Alex Ebert and his folky magnetic counterparts will bring a fresh breath of indie-pop to the festival, and perhaps some neutral colors to make it a bit easier on your dilated pupils. After last summer’s epitome-of-cute hit “Home” reminded the world why love doesn’t have to have boundaries (aww), all the couples tripping in each others’ embrace will likely be having an hour-long moment to this band. If the hammocks are rockin’, don’t come knockin’. REO Speedwagon: You can’t go to Electric Forest and not see these rock legends; your grandpa would roll over in his grave

The Black Sheep Interviews: The Hood Internet STV SLV, or more conveniently Steve Reidell, is one half of the Chicago-based production geniuses The Hood Internet. Mashing and mixing-up music from underground and mainstream hip-hop to indie rock and old-school classics, these dudes definitely have mad skills and an original sound.We got to chat with Steve about non-existent internet laws, getting taught by Crystal Castles and, our favorite,Taco Bell. Check them out on thehoodinternet.com, as well as the upcoming Electric Forest Music Festival. The Black Sheep: How do you get inspired for the mash-ups that you do? Do you look at tempos and speeds, or does it just come naturally?

and your mom would write you out of the will. But no matter what kind of person you are, don’t tell me you’re not going to freak out at their awesome classics; “Keep On Loving You,” “Can’t Fight This Feeling,” “Take It on the Run.” Let your Midwest-rooted freak flag fly and your beer tears flow, sister, while you belt out every word, as these former University of Illinois students remind you that their intention is genuine and their music is timeless. The Hood Internet: This Chicago duo started making mashups in 2007 and posting them on their then little known website thehoodinternet.com. Who would’ve though mashing TLC with Led Zeppelin would be such a success? Mixing everything from underground hip-hop to indie rock to classic dance tunes, The Hood Internet is sure to bring one of the best dance parties of the festival. A break from the jammy and the folky, a bit of booty dropping hip-hop will be just what the doctor at the dispensary ordered. Shpongle presents The Shpongletron Experience: It’s too easy to excuse “The best performance ever!!!” as “I was tripping balls on psychedelics!!!” However, Shpongle is that. This music project’s entire purpose is to combine as many different sights and sounds that cater to the tripping human being to garner the absolute best of the best experiences. Hailing from England, Shpongle (a made-up term for “feeling positive and euphoric emotions”) have been known to estimate assumed psychedelic states and use vocal samples that relate to consciousness expansion, hallucinations, and all that other crazy shit that goes on in your brain while you’re completely out of your mind. If that doesn’t personify a jam band music festival, then, well, that smell really is a skunk. So bob your head to some jam bands and put your hands up in the air to some electronic beats. Take an afternoon nap in the hammocks, splash around in the lake and throw some discs around in the dark. Set up camp and share your beer with your neighbors and hopefully they’ll share their treats with you. Electric Forest Music Festival is a four-day experience to be fully enjoyed, so find a friend with a legal license and don’t forget to stay hydrated! STV: We listen to a lot of different kinds of music. I’d say we both have pretty extensive music libraries. So a lot of it is just doing the same thing we’ve always done, you know, just listen to a lot of new music and be like “Oh hey, that’d be cool track for this rap,” or whatever. TBS: How much of your time is spent looking for new or different music to mash-up? STV: I guess I don’t know how much time in general because it’s just something that I think we’ve both done our whole lives, just constantly being on the listen for new music. But if I had to quantify it in time I’d say “a lot.” TBS: When did you realize, “Holy shit, a lot of people are listening to our music.”? STV: You know, real early on. We really thought this was just going to be a thing for our friends to look at. But the website host we were

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Movie Review X-Men: First Class

Kevin Bacon, James McEvoy

Overview: When I sat down to watch X-Men: First Class, I just knew it was going to be awful. There seems to be some unwritten rule about action films of the past years-- especially super hero films -- that says that they have to be cluttered, poorly-acted pieces of garbage. With the exception the most recent Batman series and a few other action/thrillers including Inception, you are almost ensured that the action film you are about to see is going to be a poorly directed and edited, million dollar piece of nicely polished, easily-digestible moneymakers made to attract the masses with name recognition and young stars.

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Brewery: Name:

Beer Review

Saugatuck Brewing Co. Oval Beach Blonde Ale

The Beginning: It’s easy to assume that beer names like this are just sort of generic summery things… but Oval Beach is a legit place. I’ve been there with my family, who are all as antisocial as I am. We get there early, stake out our spot, and are pleasantly surprised at the lack of screaming children and asshats impinging on our space. In fact, we are pretty much left alone. There are other people there, avoiding our family- avoiding selves in couples. Tan, speedo-wearing couples. There are, in fact, very few sensations that compare to suddenly realizing that you are on an unlabeled gay beach. Had I discovered beer at that point in my life I probably would have wanted one- I’m sure my dad did.

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using around April 2007, which was just like a month into doing the project, kept going over bandwidth and getting shut down and we were like “Okay, wow, a lot of people are checking this out.” TBS: Have you ever been hit with a lawsuit from an artist? STV: No, no lawsuits. The internet is sort of like a giant playground for whatever the fuck you want to put up there. There’s just so many, like, auto-tuned news clips, and YouTube in itself is a sea of copyright infringement on the regular. But yeah, we haven’t really taken money away from any of the artists that we’ve sampled.You know, we don’t charge for the stuff. If anything, it gives them more presence on the internet, not that someone like Lil’ Wayne needs our help. TBS:Yeah, good point. Have any artists reached out to you about any tracks they really liked or really hated? STV: We haven’t really been hit with any negative comments, but if they have them they keep them to themselves which is really sweet. But yeah, I remember early on there was a Crystal Castles and The Pack mash-up that was done where Crystal Castles had gotten in touch with us. They actually had a couple of suggestions for edits to make it sound a little bit better, which for us that was cool. TBS: So you guys are playing at Electric Forest this year. What do you like best about playing at large, outdoor festivals? STV: The hula-hoopers. I feel like whenever we play outdoor festivals, people are always in hula-hoops. TBS:You guys have also made the Tumblr “Album Tacos,” which places tacos in iconic album covers. How’d that come to be? STV: Just, uhm, I’m not really sure what inspired it’s existence. We were down in Florida, doing a bunch of shows and we had some time to kill. This dude in Pensacola hit us up on Twitter and was like “Hey, I’m looking forward to the show,” and his icon was Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon album cover but instead of a prism there was a taco and we were like “Oh shit, that’s brilliant. What if we made a whole website of that?” That’s what we spent our next few days working on. Then it sort

of exploded in popularity and we opened it up to user submissions, so anyone could contribute to Album Tacos. There’s not much content on it anymore. It tapered off at beginning of the year, which is fine. It ran its course as an internet meme. TBS: What’s your favorite item at Taco Bell? STV: It’s so hard to choose, there’s so many new items. TBS: Okay, well what if the last restaurant on the planet was Taco Bell and your last meal was going to be there. STV: Well then, first of all I would complain that there was no Arby’s. After that… oh man. Well, shit, if it was my last meal I would get every fucking thing on the menu. Absolutely. TBS: If you weren’t being The Hood Internet for a “living,” what would you be doing? STV: Oh, I’d be an astronaut for sure. TBS: Drink of choice? STV: I like whiskey on the rocks. Maker’s Mark usually, but I don’t discriminate.