F*** it Fridays
The Black Sheep brings you...
“Because you know you checked out on Wednesday...”
Friday, June 17th, 2011 ISSUE 24
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SUMMER WEDDINGS
THE GREATEST PLACE TO BE
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FAT KIDS
AND WHY IT KIND OF RULES TO BE ONE
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An Ode to Fathers
www.theblacksheeponline.com
LOREN KRANZ OF THE RAGBIRDS OUR INTERVIEW WITH HIM
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THE COLLEGE WORLD SERIES A POEM BY A BRO
FRANK SORISE WROTE THIS Dads: strong, solid, and fearless. They are your guide, your rock, your leader...and if those descriptions don’t apply to your dad, then at least they’re half the reason you’re walking planet Earth. There are many significant moments in the relationship between father and child, but here are a few painfully vague moments I believe to be most memorable: Your birth: Yeah, none of you remember this day, but Dad sure does. And he wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. While this magical miracle was going on, he was praying to God/Jesus/Allah/TomCruise/Buddah that it would end quickly.Your mother was writhing in pain as you fought your way out of the womb while your dad was trying to sneak a peek at the score of the game. When it was all said and done, your dad was happy it happened.He was mostly happy because you gave him a great reason to ditch your mom to get completely obliterated with his friends that night, but happy nonetheless. Little League: This was when you believed sports were going to be fun. Playing catch in the yard with dad when he got home from work was the highlight of your day.You loved playing Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey Jr. on N64 and wanted to be just like him. However, unbeknownst to you, your dad missed playing in the game of his life due to a freak garden weasel accident in the summer of ‘73, and he has been determined to live his dream through you since you were old enough to swing. After your dad got arrested in a fit of drunken disappointment when you went 0-for-5 in your first tee ball game with 4 K’s and a foul out, you both decided that baseball was not your “thing.” Your first beer: This is supposed to be the quintessential example of father and son bonding, but it’s impossible to avoid the awkwardness and disappointment involved in it. Your dad says he wants you to have a beer with him. At first you are taken aback at his request, but of course, you ultimately accept. After your first sip, you drop the joke “Oh wow, so this is what beer tastes like…” Your dad chuckles
initially, but quickly realizes that the reason the joke is funny is because you’re only 18, have a DUI, and three open intox charges on your record. Five minutes in you realize that this is kind of awkward and you don’t know what’s an acceptable rate to drink your “first beer” at. Plus, you probably still feel a bit embarrassed about plugging your key into the side of the first one and shotgunning it.Yay, college. So, dads, this is to you. I think all of us can appreciate our dads in one way or another when we think about the shithead children we’ve all been at a time or two. Thank you for all of the talks, lectures, gifts, beatings, beers, checks, toys, weapons, drugs, pets, fun, care, compassion, hatred, and love you’ve provided us in our lives. Happy Father’s Day!