Vol. 3, Issue 10
The Black Sheep
F THE REE... KEN LIKE TUC JUM KY BAN PING O DW N AG O N.
3/27/14 - 4/2/14
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
THE THINGS WE HATE TO ADMIT WE MISS ABOUT K-LAIR MARY VENUTO WROTE THIS Oh K-Lair, the oily, adopted, unloved stepchild of the UK Dining experience. When you’re waiting in line at Ovid’s with everyone and their underage little, you always catch yourself reminiscing about the good ol’ days when you only had to wait five minutes for sub-par buffalo tenders and questionable onion rings. Sure, now we have the option to go to Chick-fil-A to get some decently fried chicken, but it’s just not the same. Almost a year after the demolition of K-Lair, those who remember the campus landmark now realize what they truly cherished about that nasty little grease hut. The Customer Service: Before you went back to your dorm for a little snooze between your 8 a.m. and 11 a.m. class, you’d stop by K-Lair for some French toast sticks. As you walked up to the register you’d be asked “Whatchu want?” by the cranky, middle aged woman who worked the cash register. It may not have been service with a smile, but it was service with a purpose and at least you didn’t have to make lousy, early morning small talk. Or maybe you remember the general manager always smiling wide and saying “Hi,” with
either an absent look in her eye or a murderous one. No other place on campus made you so uncomfortably comfortable. The Limp French Fries and Cold Cheese Sauce: Much like entering the basketball lottery, you never knew if you were going to score on a deal or not. Some days the fries and chicken tenders would be so fresh they’d burn right through the shitty Styrofoam to-go boxes. Other times your cheese sauce would be more like cheese paste. Sure, it was frustrating at 7 o’clock on a Friday when you ended up with old fries, but it just made those times when everything you wanted tasted delicious at 4 o’clock on a Tuesday, it made that meal much more special. The Sense of Community: Being located on central campus, K-Lair brought in students from north and south campus. There wasn’t really a “K-Lair-regular” type. You had your sorority girls who ordered the Kickin’ Chicken salad in an attempt to appear healthy, but then buried it under dollops of Cajun ranch dressing. You had your skinny, awkward, Pokè-nerds who tried to beef up by ordering
a triple cheeseburger and double fries. And then you had your average Joe, who would order a crispy chicken sandwich, plain, with two sides of chocolate pudding. There was a spot for everyone at K-Lair, at least until the limited seating ran out. Other “Healthy” Options: Whether it be that grilled chicken that you were in denial about sitting in stale, room temperature water for hours or the “freshly tossed” salads, K-Lair offered you a break from your regular at Ovid’s or Blazer. The salad window near the back often times gave the illusion that a deli sandwich with a side of fried pickles and raspberry yogurt was a “mom-approved” choice. Except that yogurt wasn’t low fat and that turkey sandwich had an extra goopy glop of mayonnaise. “The Maxwell Frisco Melt”: The hardest part of your day was deciding whether you wanted this to be a beef patty or a turkey patty. The Maxwell Frisco Melt was K-Lair’s saving grace. The bacon, cheese, meat in between two slices of sourdough bread made everything that was wrong with K-Lair seem right. If the Frisco Melt
wasn’t your favorite burger of the day then maybe it was Monday’s Keeneland Burger or Wednesday’s Kirwin Burger. It doesn’t matter which burger of the day stole your heart, all that matters is that the love still lives on.
For all the freshmen this year who know Intermezzo, Panda Express, and Subway as places that accept meal swipes, just know you will never have our oh-so-super-special-upperclassman respect. You’ll never know the kind of apathy we
felt when we thought “Ovid’s is too crowded and Commons is too smelly, so K-Lair it is!” Go ahead and enjoy your Chik-n-Minis while we enjoy the memory of true college kid dining.
PAGE 5
PAGE 7
PAGES 10-11
A CHICK’S GUIDE TO BASEBALL BASICS
TOP 10: PROFESSORS YOU MEET IN UNDERGRAD
TACO BELL MENU FLOPS: PAST AND PRESENT
IT’S MORE THAN JUST DRINKING BEER AND WATCHING HOT GUYS?
PROCEED WITH CAUTION, STUDENTS.
KEEP UP WITH US! @UKBLACKSHEEP • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
HEY, ROME WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY, AND NEITHER WAS TACO BELL’S PERFECTION.