The Black Sheep
F of REE. ea .. li tin ke t g me he at pare on n go tal od gu fr ilt ida y.
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @UKBlackSheep
Volume 1, Issue 11 • 3/28/13 - 4/3/13
Putting the “UK” in “SUCK” mary venuto wrote this For the first time since human history has been documented, the University of Kentucky Wildcats had an embarrassing basketball season. Of course, “embarrassing” might be generous… getting invited to the Not-Invited-Tournament was embarrassing. Being the first seed in the loser’s game… and then losing again… is a little bit more than just embarrassing. In some eastern cultures we’d be expected to perform ritualistic suicide as a nod of respect to our stronger and more virile ancestors. Of course, The Black Sheep doesn’t endorse self-harm in any way… unless it involves your liver. But it’s about time we acknowledge the bitter truth: less than a year since we all flipped cars in a drunken riot of celebration for our NCAA win, it’s now our time as UK students to sit down, tie on our shitty plastic bibs and take a bite out of that bitch-of-an-entrée: humble pie. Oh yeah, it was that bad. Robert Fucking Morris? If you’ve ever even hear of that school you can go blow yourself. But such is the fate of the Big Blue Nation. And one thing that Big Blue does badly is deal with loss in a healthy, respectable way. Let’s dissect some of the ways that we’re dealing with the heartbreak, shall we? Denial/Isolation: We’ll get over it. It happened. So these Robert Moore (Morris?, Murphy?, Who cares?) nobodies shat in the Wildcat’s litter box and then proceeded to rub our whiskers in it in the first round of the NIT Tournament. Oh, the humanity! We understand, it doesn’t go down as smooth as bourbon, so people have had a hard time accepting this reality. And why should we? Now that we’re out, NCAA bracketology is revealed to us for what is -- bullshit speculation on a stupid piece of paper. Anger: Go ahead and blame Calipari -- the sleazy, rich uncle that shows up at a family reunion every once in a while. But we know he paid the big dollars to give last year’s top recruits Range Rovers. What more can we ask of him? Plus you fair-weather fans on Facebook saying “F*ck the CATS, I’ve never liked them” aren’t helping matters either. Go sit in the corner and count backwards from ten until your heart palpitations subside. We can always just purchase next year’s top recruitment class, right? Bargaining: A classic technique in dealing with loss. People seem to think that if Nerlens were still playing things would have ended up differently. Maybe. The fact of the matter is, however, that even if Nerlens never got hurt the fate of UK basketball would have been the same: obsessive support contingent on unrealistic tournament expectations. From the sudden appearance of Louisville Red apparel across campus, it is obvious that bandwagoners have switched teams just in the time to save face. As if switching from a Wildcats fan to a Cards fan is any more respectable. Switching
Telekenisis: The Benefits, and Abuses, of the Best Super-Power
teams brings more shame than necessary to Lexington, as if we needed any help being trashy here in central Kentucky. Now we’re forced to look at ugly Cardinal cartoons. Joke's on you traitors; you’re not a real American if you wear commie red. Depression: Drinking a whole handle of KG in one sitting is not the answer.
what'’s inside
Acceptance: Drinking a whole handle of KG in one sitting is definitely the answer. The Cats may not be in the NCAA tournament this season, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t find a silver lining. Think of tailgating at Keeneland, or the tornado drills, or that March is over in just one short, booze-soaked week. Then we never have to think of this season again. And if Big Blue Nation is good at one thing, it’s forgetting all the times the Cats weren’t ranked number 1.
Top 10: Reasons to Support SameSex Marriage
Masterpiece Theatre: Great Movies to Get Trashed To
its too great of a power to use for good, but for real though.
if only because your gay best friend's wedding is going to be a total blast.
If your favorite actor can make a film intoxicated, you can sure as hell watch it intoxicated.
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