The Black Sheep
FR EE . fa .. lik nt e as liv y w in or g in ld a .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @UKBlackSheep
Volume 1, Issue 12 • 4/4/13 - 4/10/13
spoiler alert: The Myths and Realities of Next Semester mary venuto wrote this As spring semester comes to a close most of us can’t help but fantasize about how great next fall semester is going to be. In our happy-daydream-land, our social lives rival Beyonce’s, we’re totally on top of our schoolwork and unicorns come back from wherever they’ve been hiding. As weathered veterans of this practice, though, we have come to realize that our imagination sets the bar for next semester just a bit out of reach. Don’t let yourselves be fooled; lowering your expectations for next year can save yourself a great deal of disappointment come autumn. Freshman myth vs. reality: Been there, done that. You assume that there’s nowhere to go but up. You figure freshman year is when you’re going through that awkward post-high school transformation. Sophomore year, on the other hand, is when you’re totally gonna hatch from a cocoon, dry your butterfly wings and soar! What you don’t realize is that sophomore year is a second freshman year, except now you know how much on-campus food sucks. Sophomore myth vs. reality: Oh boy! Junior year! You suspect junior year is filled with super special secret upper classman perks. You think that by not having to take any more UK Core classes your academic schedule will prove to be more meaningful and relevant. What you don’t realize is that you just have harder classes with stricter attendance policies, and the motivation of a bullpen catcher. Junior myth vs. reality: Oh yeah, almost done with all that bureaucratic college bullshit. Senior year is when all the dreams you had entering college come true. You and all your friends will be twenty-one -- no bouncer can turn you away now. You also assume that you’ll have a job lined up in October so you can screw around for the rest of your academic career. Come April you realize how much you took the three previous years for granted. You even play around with the idea of changing your major so you can prolong entering the real world. Instead, you go out in a blaze of glory when you start crying in the middle of your last exam. Senior myth vs. reality: A year after graduation, you’ll be more broken, both financially and morally, than ever before. You real-
All's Fair in Love and Weather a story of passion, love, breakups and crappy weather.
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ize the American Dream is more like a nightmare. Long nights spent flipping burgers at McDonalds often leaves you smelling like a sad mix of grease and defeat. You’re constantly looking over your shoulder in fear of the Fed finding you and demanding you pay back all that $80,000 worth of student loans you owe. And all of this shame and failure might even be okay if you didn’t just also lose the simple freedom of masturbating whenever you get the urge because your mom doesn’t understand the concept of knocking first then entering your room.
what'’s inside
our guide on Surviving the Rest of Your Semester Four more weeks... four more weeks!!!
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When we take off our rose-colored glasses and come down a little bit, we see that the grass isn’t so much greener on the other side. We realize that college students and cattle waiting for slaughter are kindred spirits. So my brethren, cherish what little time you have left to day drink on a lazy Wednesday without wearing any pants while it’s still socially acceptable. And keep looking for those fucking unicorns.
How to be Awesome at Life we give you a guide for fabulous living and dying.
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