Volume 6
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Fre e! his Like S elve ant s, fi a an nal d ly.
Issue 1
MARTIN LUTHER KING, WE THANK THEE
Evan Lawrence wrote this With Martin Luther King, Jr. Day coming up this Monday, January 19, people of all backgrounds across the country will be preparing to celebrate the civil rights leader who had a profound impact on putting an end to the Jim Crow laws in the American South. Celebratory observations include the Freedom March in downtown Lexington, which UK co-sponsors. While MLK Day is widely considered a holiday associated with African American identity and pride, there is a largely unnoticed population of Americans who equally appreciate King's brave work and the annual celebration of his life that the country observes. Perhaps the most outspoken group of non-African American people who actively celebrate the holiday are students. "I am so incredibly thankful for the courage Dr. King put forth in the '60s. It has a direct impact on every single one of us once a year," UK senior history major Buckley Cornish said. "Without him, there's no way I could bank on having the first Monday back from winter break off from classes. Can you imagine that?" Indeed, since its first year as a nationally-observed holiday in 2000, public schools at all levels have been given the third Monday of January the day off, giving non-African Americans a reason to celebrate. "Like, ohmuhgod, Martin Luther King has been my biggest hero since I first realized in kindergarten how his hard work for the African American people guaranteed us a January Monday off from school every year!" freshman cosmetology major, Emily Jacobs, said. "Dr. King's courage and hard work has inspired my personality and lifestyle ever since then, as I know I could not make it through the first month back from school without his holiday." Despite protest from the African American community about some white Americans' approach to recognizing the holiday—such as dressing up as black stereotypes for fraternity parties—a surprising amount of white people like Cornish and Jacobs continue to be ignorant about the actual significance of the holiday. Among them include Parks Wetherington IV, a freshman experiencing his first year at a public institution after growing up in various boarding schools.
"Wait a minute, so you're telling me that in our first weekend back in January, we get to have back-to-school ragers on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night?" Wetherington said, "That's f***king awesome! I am so appreciative of this Marvin Lutherking guy now. Hell, I'll even call it my new favorite holiday." Cornish, president of the Zeta Nu chapter at UK, noted how the timeliness of the Civil Rights Movement icon's holiday was key to fraternity rush.
PAGE 4
PAGE 5
THE 5 GUYS YOU MET ON TINDER OVER WINTER BREAK
TOP 10: FIXES FOR SECOND SEMESTER SUCCESS
OBVIOUSLY THE GUY WHO ASKS FOR NUDES RIGHT AWAY MADE THIS LIST.
ONLY PARTYING 4 DAYS A WEEK CAN REALLY GO A LONG WAY!
"MLK was such a great person that he aligned his holiday with the first weekend of spring rush," Cornish said, "he was a hell of a guy for all of the different things he did—I'm not exactly sure what they were, but I'm sure they were pretty rad." The 2015 observance of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day will mark the 16th year of it being a nationally recognized holiday, making it at least that many times uneducated non-African American people have had the opportunity to say something ignorant and rash about the purpose of the holiday.
PAGES 12-13 RESOLUTION REVOLUTION WE SCROUNGED UP 7 APPS TO HELP MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON IN 2015.
FOLLOW US @UKBLACKSHEEP JANUARY 15th, 2015 - JANUARY 22nd, 2015 THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
MEET the STAFF CAMPUS MANAGER Natalie Shofner
STREET TEAM MANATER Greg Wheeler, Kyle Caldwell
WRITERS Kelsey Mattingly, David Simms Luke Troxell, Erica Ryder, Evan Lawrence
ADVERTISING MANAGER Elizabeth Breed
DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Phillip Gordon SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Loretta Stafford
CAMPUS DIRECTOR Brendan Bonham OWNER Atish Doshi
OWNED & OPERATED BY: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Avenue Suite 1, Chicago, Illinois 60622 Contact Corporate: 217.390.1747 For Advertising: 608.712.0900
DISCLAIMER: The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
FOLLOW US! @UKBLACKSHEEP • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
THE BOTANY BAY SMOKING ACCESSORIES • FUNCTIONAL GLASS ART VAPORIZERS • HOOKAHS • BODY JEWELRY • DETOX TAPESTRIES • SAFE CANS • AND MORE! VISIT US TODAY! 420 EAST NEW CIRCLE ROAD LEXINGTON KY • (859) 225-4367
FACEBOOK.COM/THEBOTANYBAY
Welcome to Page Three! You are about to have more fun than a freshman at a frat party. Tweet us your answers, or send them to page3@theblacksheeponline.com. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!
PAGE THREE THE BLACK SHEEP’S LEGENDARY
WORD OF THE WEEK
80s CARTOON CHARACTER PORN STAR NAME?
BLUE BALLIN’ Getting a mad case of blue balls after hooking up with a hot chick, but still feeling awesome about getting to second base.
TARA BOUMDEAY
Dude, Anna is so hot. Yeah, I was blue ballin’ afterwards, but at least I got some action. High-five!
CAN YOU GUESS THE CELEBRITY BACK?
THE BATHROOM GRAFFITI CUTOUT Know of a bathroom stall that needs some pizazz? Cut this out, stick it in a bathroom stall, Instagram it with #Sheepffiti and we’ll send you a prize!
@UKBLACKSHEEP
PAGE 4 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
WELCOME BACK
The 5 Guys You Met on Tinder During Winter Break Staff wrote this
Tinder is a delicate game, and one you don’t want to play while you’re at home. Unfortunately, over break you got a little desperate and looked for someone down to clown around. No judging, we’ve all done it. The pickings were slim; hey, it’s hard to tell how old guys are nowadays, what with high schoolers getting in on the trend. Nevertheless, you were able to pick up a couple guys over break. Your at-home conquests: The Guy With a Dead Deer in His Picture Main Picture: He’s holding the antlers of a dead buck. No matter how urban your hometown is, you will always find a hick at home. Pick-Up Line: “Are those Ariat boots?” Part of you had a dream of banging a Luke Bryan type of guy. Unfortunately, he looked and smelled like he lived in a barn. Did he look like he was going to kill you? Yes. Did he? No. But did he sing bad country songs that made you want to kill yourself? Yes. His mustache looked a lot thicker in his picture, and instead, it was just kind of sad. You slipped out of the roadhouse while he was talking about hunting season. The Guy Who Asked for Nudes Right Away Main Picture: Probably a shot of him flexing his abs as hard as possible. Pick-Up Line: “Nudes?” You had to give it to that guy for having the guts to just go ahead and ask. It takes balls to expose yourself like that. Like How I Met Your Mother’s “naked man” trick, it works two out of three times. Somewhere, some girl with extremely low self-esteem added
him on Snapchat and sent him the goodies. You were better than that. The Guy Who Graduated with Your Older Sibling Main Picture: Probably him wearing a suit, trying to mask his inadequate progression to adult life. Pick-Up Line: “Aren’t you _______’s little sister?” This guy went to high school with you, and was a couple years older. He spent the majority of his college career smoking weed and not going to class, explaining why he’s a sixth/seventh/eighth year senior. While your sibling and her moderately successful friends celebrated their reunion at the bars, he offered you a night in his mom’s basement and a bottle of Burnett’s. You were almost tempted to take him up on the offer until you reminded yourself he still lived in a basement. The Guy Who Used to be an Athlete Main Picture: His senior pic on the football field, kneeling. Pick-Up Line: “Hello beautiful *insert winky face emoji*” Number one on the field, number zero in our hearts. He was the star quarterback in his high school days, but didn’t get into college. He’s chilling at your local community college and drinking chocolate protein shakes before hitting the gym. If you were going to hook up with any of your Tinder matches, it was him. Underneath his worn-out high school jersey, there were chiseled abs and no sense of commitment, making him the perfect at-home hookup.
The Guy Who Seemed Too Normal to be on Tinder, but was Actually Crazy Main Picture: Smiling. Looks normal at first, but look in the eyes—crazy. Pick-Up Line: “What’s a beautiful girl like you doing on Tinder?” You matched up with this guy and immediately sensed something wrong. He goes to your school, you have a million friends in common—yet you’ve never heard of him. Red flags. However, your desperate self met him up and realized he was normal... kind of normal. Something was in the air that night, and it wasn’t Phil Collins. You agreed to see him again, but the next day, he ambushed you by introducing you to his parents and talking about your future. Boom, there’s the crazy. Now that you’re back at school, you spend time anxiously hoping you don’t run into him. Lesson learned—never hook up with the crazy dude.
ON KILLIN' 2015
THE TOP TEN Fixes for Second
Semester Success Second semester is upon us and if you weren’t exactly proud of your performance during the first semester, The Black Sheep is here to give you some quick fixes that could turn this semester completely around. If you’re ready to talk your way into A’s, only get cited for public intoxication a couple of times, and completely rig “the lottery” you’ve come to the right place. 10.) Carve your name into a table in Willy T: Since you didn’t study too often last semester, resulting in your less than impressive GPA, you can make your mark on the library. Carving into Willy T is kind of like a vow to study every week. Will people judge you? Yes. Will you judge yourself? Yes. Will you get As? No guarantees.
NEW YOU, New Year’s Resolutions David Simms wrote this
For whatever reason, someone decided that when January 1st rolls around, it’s time to set goals and make plans to dramatically change your life for the better. Many of you already decided you’ll be at the gym twice a week, you’ll only eat chocolate on Friday, and you’re going to stop wasting money on the newest product being featured on the 2:00 a.m. infomercial. But let The Black Sheep be the first to say there’s nothing wrong with adding a few New Year’s Resolutions you may actually end up accomplishing. So get out your 2015 calendar and get ready to scribble down the best ways to change your life and get the most out of this year. Wake Up In Time to Eat Breakfast (and Get to Class): We bet you wouldn’t know it, but Commons and Blazer both serve breakfast food. And while you’re fast asleep still recovering from the previous night, someone else is dining on the best (or possibly worst) food any college campus has to offer. Breakfast ends at 10:30, which means you can’t sleep in, dreaming about why Taylor Swift stayed out too late. But now that you’re awake with a full stomach, you should have no reason to ditch your first class of the new year. Become Independent: If you’re the friend who always relies on someone else for rides, food money, and help talking to the opposite sex, it’s time to grow up. By now, you’re legally an adult, which means it’s time to stop bumming off your friends. If you need money, ask your parents or play the lottery. Trust your two feet if you need to get somewhere. Set out to be a little less of a mooch and everyone will like you much, much more.
9.) Only party 4 days a week: Frat parties were your go-to stress reliever last semester and you can’t give them up completely. Instead of “going up” every day of the week, just start on Wednesday night and go hard until Sunday morning. The remaining 3 days will provide plenty of time for studying, or curing a hangover. 8.) Convince your parents to put money in your actual bank account: Why waste your parents’ hard earned money on Flex like you did the first semester when you can spend it on things like new outfits for parties and pregame necessities? All The Black Sheep wants is for you to be more… frugal and… prudent with your mom and dad’s money this semester.
No More Sleeping in Willy T: As cool and comfortable as it may seem, the library is not a spot for you to catch some Z’s in between or after class. Leave the library as the one place on campus you’ll actually open a book and read the words inside. Not to mention, falling asleep in front of everyone in Willy T will earn you a couple hate messages on Yik Yak. William Young would not be happy, so in 2015, save yourself the embarrassment and leave naptime for the privacy of your room.
7.) Enter the lottery under multiple identities: Head on down to the Student ID room and assume multiple identities. Before you know it, you’ll be entering the lottery under 30 different names and just as many ethnicities. You’re guaranteed to win, or at least Mr. or Mrs. Fakenamé is.
Stick with Your Resolutions for More than a Week: This is the hardest resolution, but it is definitely the most important. We’re college kids, we can’t even remember what day of the week it is or the name of whoever lives across the hall, so remembering our New Year’s resolutions can be tough. But it’s okay, even if you still haven’t done what you set out to do in 2011, as long as you’re ready and willing to finish it now.
4.) Make the JC your go-to date spot: Looking for a way to lose all of the weight you gained the first semester and impress that special someone? Take them on a luxurious and romantic date to none other than the Johnson Center! What a better way to hint at your partner they need to drop a few than getting them all hot and bothered… literally!
Keep telling yourself that this year will be different, this year you’ll actually set out to change for the better. Whether you’re failing every class, sleep through the day, or didn’t get to go on a single date in 2014, 2015 is a new year, a time for new resolutions to solve all of your horrible life problems; if, of course, you’re sober enough to remember to do them.
6.) Pay someone to attend your 8 a.m.: The attendance grade definitely screwed you in your 8:00 a.m.’s last semester. This semester you can skip class and get the credit! Pay someone a small fee per class to sign your name or click-in for you... foolproof! 5.) Never pay for a LexPark ticket: This semester you’re going to skip out on all of those $15-$200 fines for tickets and towing. Two choices, either seduce the ticket person in exchange for a “get out of ticket free” card or simply lie in the road and cry until they pity you and let you out of it.
3.) Update your Tinder profile: Last semester you met some major creeps through the ever-popular dating app Tinder, and you’re ready to meet the winners. Upload pictures of super hot people on your profile and claim them to be you. Now you can be the creep. 2.) Only date X amount of people at once: Don’t hate the player, hate the game, right? Stringing along as many girls/guys as Dakari Johnson does is your forte but got you into trouble last semester. Cut that number in half and they’re sure not to find out this time. 1.) Date a pros-bound athlete: Better yet, marry that mofo and you’ll never have to worry about fixing another semester. Just make sure you don’t get a prenup, you know how pro athletes get.
Kelsey Mattingly wrote this
PARTY PICS
TWEET US YOUR #PARTYPICS!
or send them to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
ON THE STREETS What was your New Year’s resolution, and when will you break it? NICK
"To get fat. Now."
BONITA
"To get healthier. Already broke it."
ANTHONY
"To be dank. Never."
06
PRO TIPS If you’re anything like The Black Sheep then you too have a bunch of roommates that annoy the crap out of you. This forces you to gossip about them, but how do you get away with it when you live in the same house? If you follow these simple rules then you won’t have to go through that awkward “I was talking about a different Nora, not you girl, I swear,” conversation. All about the timing: You know your roommates’ schedules like the back of your hand, so use this to your advantage. Roomie #1 takes a shower at 8:05 p.m., so you have approximately 23 minutes to go for it. Gather your other roommates, or just one trusted roomie, and get started. Limit your topics beforehand. Go for what annoyed you the most yesterday or last week and skip the part where you vent about her puking on your futon freshman year. You could practically recite that entire vent right down to the part where you swear you “will literally never be friends with her again.” We’ve heard that at least 500 times by now, why aren’t you over it already?!
How To: Avoid Getting Caught
Venting about Your Roommate Staff wrote this
WE WANT YOU!
Pick a good spot: You cannot talk about your roommate while she is potentially home or sleeping. Wait until you’re sure she’s not home or when you’re at the caf, but even that could be dangerous. When no one’s home, test out the thickness of your walls, you could be neglecting a prime shit-talking spot in your house by thinking your roommate can hear. Nowhere is off limits if you do your research, which is critical to any hormonal, irrational
college girl. Be discrete and stay focused: Nothing is worse than the rookie mistake of texting about how gross your roommate’s new highlights are and accidentally sending it to them. This is the hardest rule to obey when intoxicated. If you are going to attempt to badmouth them while drunk or high, keep a printout of these four steps in your pocket and do a quick run-through before you hit send. Do not lose focus or you will get caught and the results will not be pretty. Never get caught (if you do, minimize the damage): If you do ever get caught, abort the mission, we repeat: this could ruin friendships. You have to have a clever excuse, and as hard as it may be, an apology on hand (or at least a good-sounding fake apology). Your roommate should understand that you told everyone you saw at Campus Rec that she had sex on the roof of your friend’s house on Jackson last weekend. Things like that need to be shared. Remember, nothing is too difficult with practice and preparation. Talking shit is a skill that is as essential as books your friends’ notes in college and carrying it out takes studying and intelligence. It is your job to make sure the conversation is exciting around here. It’s what keeps Kentucky going. Venting about your roommates is a battlefield; remember you’re not the only roommate dishing it out.
Student Housing Just Steps from Campus! Now Leasing 4-Bed Townhomes for 2015-16 School Year! $1700 per month ($425 per bedroom) Security Deposit Special Through March 1 - Only $1200!
HURRY, UNITS WON’T LAST! (859) 333-8129 OR (859) 338-0987
N OW L E A S I N G F O R FA L L 2 0 1 5 N E W TOW N C R O S S I N G • T H E TOW N H O M E S AT N E W TOW N C R O S S I N G 5 T W E N T Y F O U R & 5 T W E N T Y F I V E A N G L I A N A • R OYA L L E X I N G TO N
L ex i n g t o n S t u d e n t H o u s i n g . c o m
THE BAR GRID SPECIAL NIGHT Thursday Friday Saturday
Martini Monday $4 Martinis Team Bar Trivia 7pm
Happy Hour Everyday 4pm - 8pm: 2-4-1 Wells, $2 Tall Boys PBR and $4 Long Islands
Friday: HAPPY HOUR 5-9 $2 Wells! Live Music starts at 9, with our House DJ on the 1's and 2's during breaks of the band and after 1am!! FREE COVER
Never Ending Happy Hour
Live Music! 2-4-1 Wells
NEVER ENDING HAPPY HOUR: $2 Wells from open until close! Live music or a DJ every Thursday! Doors open at 7, music starts at 9. FREE COVER Like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter
$4 Bombs
HAPPY HOUR 5-9, $2 Wells, $9 Barrel Bowls ALL NIGHT! Live Music starts at 9, with our House DJ on the 1's and 2's during breaks of the band and after 1am!! FREE COVER
$3 Domestics, $3 John Walls
Doors open at noon, or 2 hours before ALL UK games, $12 Domestic buckets during the game, $9 Barrel Bowls all day long LIVE MUSIC starts at 9 with our DJ going on between sets and after 1am! FREE Cover for the ladies
Fireball Friday! $1 Off Fireball Shots
$4 Jack Honey Kitchen Open Until 2AM
Sunday
$10 Bottomless Mimosas $7.50 Bud Light and Bud Pitchers
$3 Mimosas $5 Bloody Marys
Join us starting at noon for all the NFL coverage you can handle! $5 Build your own Bloody Mary bar, and several Mimosa specials going on EVERY Saturday & Sunday! FREE WIFI and $7 Domestic pitchers ALL DAY
Monday
Martini Monday $4 Martinis Team Bar Trivia 7pm
$1.50 Bud Lights $10 Mason Jars
Closed Except for Events... to book our venue please email harrison@pauliestoastedbarrel.com
Tuesday
Double Trouble Tuesday! Double Wells for the Price of a Single
$2 Domestics, $2 Gatorade Shots, $7 Pitchers
Open for ALL UK Games: $3 John Wall & gatorade shots, $12 Domestic buckets! Otherwise closed, except for private events. For venue booking please email harrison@pauliestoastedbarrel.com
Wednesday
W.I.N. Wednesday Industry Night ½ off your total tab for anyone who works in the service industry. DJ Rain
Trivia Starting at Midnight $2 Domestics, $3 Fireball 12 to Close
Come join us starting at 7 for $2 KT shots and $4 LIT's!! Acoustic music starts at 9, FREE COVER
Now Hiring Writers Your witty Tweets are just the beginning. Apply @ theblacksheeponline.com
THE BAR GRID SUNDAY! $3 Strawberry Daquiris
Happy Hour Mon-Friday 2-7PM $1.50 Bud, Bud Lt and Ultra, $2.50 Imports, $4 Wells and $2.50 LITs
Fireball Friday! $4 Shots Lauren Mink Band
Happy Hour 2-7pm 2-4-1 10pm-Close with Live Music!
$10 Punchout - DJ Rain
Beer Pong and Cornhole Tournament starting at 7pm! Pint Night - New Beer Each Week!
Thursday
Happy Hour 2-7 Live Music
Fireball Friday! $4 Shots Lauren Mink Band
$4 25oz American Beer Cans
Friday
$6 Pitchers of Bud, Bud Lt and Mich Ultra
$12 Buckets & $4 Bacardi Bombs DJ Reknown, No Cover
Cider Saturday! All Ciders $3
Saturday
Open - Watch every NFL Game Here! Happy Hour ALL DAY!
$1 Mimosas $1 Pints of Two Keys Lager $5 Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar
$3 Strawberry Daquiris $2 Domestic Drafts and Football All Day!
Sunday
Happy Hour 2-7pm $1.50 Bud, Bud Light, Ultra, $2.50 Imports and $1 Can Beers
Buck it Monday! Well Drinks for just a buck! No Cover
American Can Beer Night $2 12oz Cans
Monday
Happy Hour 2-7pm: Live Trivia, $2 Domestics, $4 Wells, $5 Bombs at 7pm
$2 Two Keys Tuesday Goldfish Racing! We supply the fish, you race them in our custom track $2 Well Drinks and Pints - DJ Rain
2 for $5 Craft Beers from Great Lakes Brewery
Tuesday
Happy Hour 2-7pm! $5 Pitchers
Never Ending Happy Hour 1/2 off all well drinks all day long!
$1.50 16oz Natty Light Cans
Wednesday
Happy Hour 4-7pm: $2 Domestic Bottles
SPECIAL NIGHT
READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
TOP FIVE
STARBUCKS DRINKS FOR THE NEW YEAR Coffee Cary wrote this
To kick off the New Year right, Starbucks coffee has decided to introduce a new line of drinks specifically for college students. As a Starbucks barista, I know that this new line of beverages is a bit outside the coffee shop norm. Despite the unique and notFDA-approved ingredients, we Starbucks baristas guarantee that once you try one of these “special” drinks, you’ll be hooked. SnowWhite Frappuccino: The SnowWhite Frappuccino is made with a precise blend of cocaine, LSD, and non-fat milk, and topped with a drizzle of cough syrup. Think this sounds gross? Think again. After the first sip, you won’t even remember what’s in the drink. In fact, you probably won’t even remember you’re at Starbucks. This drink is especially good before first dates, 8 a.m. classes, and job interviews. Russian Twist Latte: This isn’t even a latte; it’s literally just vodka. We just call it a latte so when your mom visits and wants to take you to Starbucks because you’ve been “working so hard this semester,” she won’t get suspicious. The twist is that we put a
slice of lime in it so you think it’s healthy and feel better about your poor life choices. Black Cappuccino: One of Starbucks’ newest vegan, gluten-free* options. This is just like a regular cappuccino, except for some novel ingredients. This drink contains smoothly-blended Adderall with whipped cream. We’ve created this drink keeping in mind those of you who don’t want to tread all the way across campus to your friend’s cousin’s boyfriend’s dorm to get what you need to write that 12-page paper on Hitler’s mustache. This drink is also great for getting through those boring lectures, funerals, and occasional life interventions that you have to attend. *We don’t actually know what vegan or gluten-free means, but we do know that we’ll make a lot of money selling this. Lotus Clear Tea: Perfect for any of you that have just failed a huge exam and need a pick me up. This drink is a careful mix of mineral water and really
hardcore, underground (probably legal) uppers that will ensure you forget about that calc test you just bombed. How does this drink do this? Eh, who knows? I’m a barista, not a doctor. Sour Mocha: This drink has everything: spiced rum, a strand of fur from your favorite childhood stuffed animal, and the tears of Louisville fans after they lost to UK, again. Starbucks doesn’t even know why they sell this drink, but they’re sure as hell that at least 80,000 white girls will tweet about it.
If you’re not a loyal Starbucks customer already, come in to buy one of these drinks and get hooked. Literally. There are drugs in these drinks so you will get hooked, which means we will be making a shitton of money from you. Great for us, probably bad for you, but we know your parents give you a weekly allowance anyway so you shouldn’t really care. We will only be offering these drinks for a limited time, so hurry in and try one before we are inevitably shut down by the health department.
Cornhole tournaments on Thursday night pint nights Ale 8 floats over 100 beers: mix your own six pack local beers on draft 1 block from the library
552 Columbia Ave., Lexington 859-309-0944 like us on facebook!
vaporizers and smoking accessories Live music on the front porch on Friday nights!
BARTENDER of the WEEK Favorite Drink: Bourbon and ginger Favorite Shot: Bacardi Dragon Berry • Disgusting Drink: Boilermaker What’s the best back to school winter drink?: NutLiquor White Russian How is a NutLiquor White Russian made?: NutLiquor, Kahlua, and milk What song are you most excited to hear 1,000 times the first month of this semester?: Anything by Pitbull 2014 will be remembered as the year of…: Shaking it off. 2015 will be remembered as the year of…: National Championship #9! Jeff Goldblum comes into The Campus Pub and ask you to buy him a drink. What happens next?: I ask him how to save the world. Is 2015 the year the worlds ends?: No because I haven’t reached my epitome of awesome yet.
JERI of CAMPUS PUB
Why should people read The Black Sheep?: ‘Cause I’m the goddamn Bartender of the Week!
THE DRINKING GAME
RECIPE FOR DISASTER
RESOLUTIONS SCHMESOLUTIONS
MOCK APPLE PIE
Now that you’re back on the academic grind, you can drink beer with your at-school friends and associates, rather than the high school friends you still pretend to like. So, why not start off the new year by seeing how others are starting off their new year?
Back at school and already miss mom’s home-cookin’? Well, you’re no culinary wizard, so what is a boy to do? Fake it ‘til ya make it, son. Let’s do a fake apple pie.
What You’ll Need: Fortitude beyond your years, social acumen, beer. Number of Players: This is one of those games you play with yourself. Yes, yes, like masturbation. Very clever. Level of Intoxication: Well, how creative is your social circle? How to Play: -Attend a party or head to a bar. You’re going to need to be in a crowded room of people. -Approach someone at the event and ask them, simply, “What’s your New Year’s resolution?” -Take a big ole’ gulp for every generic resolution that heads your way. Think “better shape” or “to attend class regularly.” -Two drinks for any resolution you hear that is less about self-improvement and more about getting more out of innocent bystanders, like “I’m going to get laid by at least six different people,” or “I’m going to win a karaoke competition.” -Demand the person you asked take a drink with you if they have an oddly specific resolution. “I promised myself I’ll stop drunk texting Karen this year,” for example. -Take two big swigs if the person fessed up to already breaking his or her resolution. -If the person is one of those, “I don’t make resolutions” pragmatists, pragmatically make him or her help you finish your drink. The Game Ends When: You resolve to be less annoying to strangers who don’t want to play your dumb game.
DOWNLOAD OUR FREE APP FOR ALL THE GAMES!
What You’ll Need: A box of Ritz crackers, a pre-made pie crust, butter, sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon, water. Fatty Factor: It’s pie, so, like…pie-level fattiness. Let’s Get Baked: -Preheat your oven to 425 degrees. -In a saucepan over medium-high heat, combine 2 cups water and 1 cup white sugar. Bring to a boil. -Drop 30 whole Ritz into the boiling morass and let boil for 5 minutes. Pour the mixture into the pie shell and sprinkle it with ½ teaspoon of cinnamon. -Mix together 1 cup crushed Ritz crackers, ½ cup brown sugar, ½ teaspoon cinnamon, and 1/3 cup butter. Sprinkle this over the pie. -Bake pie for 15 minutes at 425. Reduce heat to 375 degrees and bake for 20 more minutes. -Remove and let cool for 1 hour before serving (the whole thing to yourself.) Sure, it’s not perfect, but it’s pretty good…just like you! Plus, who needs delicious, nutritious apples when you can get boxed, preformed crackers for the same price? They’ll last forever, not like those stupid apples.
NOMNOMNOM AT THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
Who it’s For: Freshly-resolved drunks and those who lack the basic human skill of recognizing other humans based on their, you know, face. It’s called prosopagnosia, look it up. What it Does: Organizes people in your phone based on how and when you met. So when you’re trying to track down those lazy shitheads in your group project you could search “English 301 group project” and those lazy shitheads would pop up. You’ll Learn to Hate it When…: You search “LOCAL BAR” and 30 names pop up, leaving you nowhere near remembering who that sultry brunette was who bought you a Fireball shot—but you sure as hell have met a lot of people you don’t remember there! Might as well stick with ol’ reliable “LOCAL BAR” in your phonebook and save the $0 this app costs for something else.
Who it’s For: Those of you who were “too cool” to take notes last semester and received bad ass Cs and Ds on your finals. You’re going to need a new approach, and since taking hand-written notes on an iPad is the opposite of cool, give this a shot. What it Does: Takes your (digitally) hand-written notes and makes them all pretty-like, turning your serial killer-esque chicken scratch into legible font and all those graphs you draw into perfect, re-sizeable shapes. You’ll Learn to Hate it When: Come test-time, all those mindless doodles and dicks you drew look just as official as the actual notes. Is that a sketch of the Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima statue or four penises laying on top of each other? Let’s not forget that everyone will hate you for writing notes by hand on an iPad, and hopefully that hate will turn into self-hatred.
Who it’s For: To-be-graduating seniors who, for whatever reason, have yet to find post-graduation employment. Whether it’s because you’re finally snagging that bomb degree in unified philosophy or simply because you’re a lazy piece of human garbage who hasn’t started looking yet, you’ll need all the help you can get. What it Does: Aggregates job postings from major websites and company postings. Also, shows jobs based on geography. Work smarter, not harder, you know? Hey, use that in the job interview! You’ll Learn to Hate it When: You slowly come to realize Indeed is little more than an efficient way for you to pile up the rejection letters. Hey, how much more in student loans would you need to pursue another bachelor’s degree?
Who it’s For: You, the modern-day lothario-on-the-go. This year you’ve resolved to have what kids call “the sex.” For, it is women that you will have, yes, many of them. 2015 is going to be the year you get laid many a time. What it Does: Well, “CATE” is an acronym for “Call And Text Eraser,” so, it does that. Which, you know, if you meet a lucky lady at a party on Thursday, and then another lucky lady at a party on that Friday, then ANOTHER lucky lady getting coffee on Saturday morning, you can consider your player-ass self lucky that they’ll never have to know about each other, until... You’ll Learn to Hate it When: ...One of your “many” sexual conquests also happens to have CATE. She’ll know what it does—she’s not an idiot, she’s playing the same game you’re playing-- and she’ll be more than happy to track down the other four women you’ve been trying to sleep with and let them know about your hijinx. Hey, porn is free, and you never have to ask it for forgiveness.
Who it’s For: 2014 was pretty good to you, mate, and in turn you want to do some good for the world. Well, then maybe get like Haley Joel Osment and pay that bitch forward. What it Does: The app hits you up with suggestions about good deeds you can do locally. For example, you might get one that says, “Leave a copy of a really great book you read at a cafe for someone else to enjoy.” Hah, yeah, like people enjoy reading. You’ll Learn to Hate it When: Suddenly you go to the ATM to snag a crisp $20 and you realize, then, in that moment, that suddenly you’re the one in need of a good deed because doing nice thing here and kind act there adds up, and now you’re destitute, cold, alone and charitable, which is no way to live your life.
Who It’s For: FATTIES LIKE YOU. What it Does: Ideal Weight lets you enter your data—height, weight, and the ilk—and in turn, it’ll give you your ideal BMI. Whether you’re underweight (yeah, right) overweight (ding, ding, ding!) or just right (no one loves you), you’ll know that, yes, in 2015 you’re going to kick some gym ass and take some gym names, like Jim. You’ll Learn to Hate It: Because what business, by god, does a stupid $5 app have telling you, a goddamn citizen of the United States of America, what you can and can’t shove in your motherlovin’ food-hole when you want to shove whatever it is you want in your goddamn American food-hole? Benjamin Franklin didn’t ward off the British in Denver all by himself to have a stupid robot tell you how to live your life. PIZZA AND REVOLUTION.
Who it’s For: Smokers, jokers, and midnight tokers. What it Does: It helps you quit smoking. Pretty straightforward. You’ll Learn to Hate it When: All the “stats”— meant to show you how long you’ve gone, how much money you’ve saved, etcetera—only remind you how much you miss smoking. It’s been 12 days, 5 hours and 32 seconds since you stood in the chilly New Year’s Eve air, just before midnight looking out from your friend’s balcony, chatting, and filling your lungs with that sweet, burning grey smoke. You’ll never have that social escape again. Oh you’ve saved $30? Think of all the cigs you could buy with $30… think of all the conversations and inside jokes that money has cost you… is it really worth it?
LET’S
PLAY
SQUARES!
Do you know what logo this is? If so, email squares@theblacksheeponline.com with the answer. Get it right, win a prize!
CLUE BANK
TOP WORDS OF 2014 wordsearch Emoji • Hashtag • Vape • Blood Moon Nano • Photo Bomb • Caliphate • Privilege Bae • Bash Tag • Transparency •Sustainable Clickbait • Quindecennial • Comet
ANS WER KEY es! eer, and Low Pric B e m o Awes asty Wine, T
THE PARTY STARTS HERE!
HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY FROM 3 - 7PM
with Buy One, Get One Pints and 10% Off Growler Fills 561 S BROADWAY ROAD • LEXINGTON • (859) 317-8733 LOCATED AT THE LEX APARTMENT COMPLEX
THE BLACK SHEEP ONLINE .COM ARTICLES • DRINKING GAMES THE BAR GRID • PURE AWESOMENESS
SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
KEVIN HART
BEN AFFLECK
Can you believe that Kevin Hart and Ben Affleck are connected in 6 steps? It's so crazy! Do you know how? Tweet us your answers or send us the breakdown at classtime@theblacksheeponline.com. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!
LOCATION IS EVERYTHING the best in student living
RESORT-STYLE POOL • 24 HOUR FITNESS CENTER FULLY FURNISHED • FREE TANNING • BUSINESS CENTER CLUBHOUSE WITH MOVIE THEATER
THELEXAPPEAL.com
The Best Place to
Party at UK! Open all day, everyday • Kitchen open until 2 am Daily Drink Specials
521 S. BROADWAY | LEXINGTON
855.563.1132
follow us! @campuspub
Campuspub.net 393 Waller Ave, Lexington, KY