The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @UKBlackSheep
Volume 1, Issue 4 • 1/31/13 - 2/6/13
A Campus Divided Jackie Danger wrote this
Like a modern day Mason-Dixon Line, there’s a poisonous cultural conflict that tears at the social cohesion of our campus and betrays the better angels of our nature. North versus South, hipster versus frat, UK’s campus is being ripped apart by the arbitrary and self-destructive divide that separates the collegiate, artistically pretentious community of North campus from the gym-obsessed, frat-infested society of South campus. And it’s a divide that destroys friendships, reinforces stereotypes and ultimately undermines the booze-soaked unity that The Black Sheep firmly believes we should all share as fellow below-average students at UK - Kentucky’s greatest and most glorified safety school. To be fair, it’s a cultural division that UK unknowingly encourages. Where did campus planners choose to put the Johnson Center work-out facilities? Just a conveniently quick jog from the Blanding-Kirwan dorms. And in case they’ve been missing class due to, err, important Rush Week business, students of South campus get to enjoy the remedial luxury of their own tutoring center right above the cafeteria. Its proximity to Commonwealth Stadium practically encourages students to rage early and rage often during football’s tailgating season. Hell, you can’t even make it class without passing through the fraternity six pack. Between the dorm towers, Big Daddy Liquors and the legendary, party-hardened slums of State Street, it takes less than a mile of drunk stumbling to retrace the entire span of last night’s bros-night-out. North Campus kids, on the other hand, take an obnoxious amount of pride in being wholly apart from the world of khakis and Coors Light. Nerds, losers, hipsters - regardless of where they stand north campus kids just can’t wait to tell you about how lucky they are not to have to live in the pedestrian filth of Couth Campus. The architecture is more interesting, the dorms are more unique and the residents… are just plain cooler than you. See how they all sit outside in the yard and read? Check out their sweet new campus bike repair shop. Or how about the exclusive, honors-only Patterson Hall? North Campus has even convinced itself that its local, pizza-and-burgers cafeteria (Blazer Café) is miles ahead of the culinary-inept Commons Market (whose menu, by the way, is virtually identical). If yuppie gentrification was possible on a college campus, North Campus might as well be the Williamsburg of UK. Rustic buildings, shiny bikes and not a Ralph Lauren polo for blocks.
Risky Business: The Art of Concealing Your Farts don't sweat it, we've got you covered.
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It’s a subtle difference to notice, and this underlying cultural self-segregation would be kind of funny if it didn’t undermine every college truth we here at The Black Sheep hold to be self-evident. All partiers, whether pounding Fratty Light at a rush rager or sneaking a few PBRs into a WRFL presents show, are created equal. And a campus divided against itself cannot surely stand. Whether from North or South, hip-fuck or dumb jock, we all bleed blue and puke up the same Kentucky
what'’s inside
Gentleman together. Nobody cares what kind of stupid music you listen to when we’re all hungover Friday morning, we just want you to turn it the fuck down. Call us romantics, but The Black Sheep just has a dream that one day we can all sit down at the table of brotherhood together as equals… and try to remember what the hell happened last weekend.
Social Networking: Let’s Get Better at it, Shall We?
Puppy Bowl Renovations
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page 10
Farmville players are officially on notice.
Animal Planet wants to boost it’s annual Puppy Bowl ratings. May we suggest more bloodlust?