The Black Sheep
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Volume 1, Issue 8 • 2/28/13 - 3/6/13
New Student IDs to be the Answer
to All of Security Problems Mary Venuto wrote this
University of Kentucky students are in for a real treat this upcoming semester. It was announced last Thursday that the Wildcat UKID Center and UK Campus Police have joined forces in order to meet new standards for security on campus. They plan to address the most serious threat to campus security first: the current student IDs. Presently, the student IDs have a simple, archaic depiction of a wildcat in the background with a photo of the student in the top left corner. The new IDs will still retain the students photograph, but will feature a slightly different background graphic, presumably another depiction of wildcat. The Board of Trustees celebrated the measure, passing this proposal in hopes of unifying security standards all over UK’s campus while simultaneously, “coaxing Kentucky students into a warm sense of safety that will never, ever be betrayed.” “The big issue with the current IDs now is that they are easily misused. With a new background and photo these new IDs will be impossible to use fraudulently,” said Kimberley Stockel, the Vice President of Student Affairs. Presumably the new student IDs will be so stylish that bad guys won’t know what to do with them. The new IDs will only work for someone if they wish to use the card’s new superpowers for good. “Like these new cards, Superman can pretty much do anything he wants, and he only ever uses his power for good.” When pressed further, Stockel noted, “No, I don’t know what the Phoenix Force is, I don’t really dabble in the Marvel universe.” Along with a new background the IDs will also feature brand spankin’ new amenities. These “new” amenities are to include access to Flex and Plus accounts, as well as easy access to the Johnson Center. This new technology may overwhelm students at first, but UKPD hopes that after the growing pains everyone will feel at ease. The new student IDs will flip students’ lives upside down. They’ll have the ability to use their meal plans, when, previously, they were forced to forage for sustenance, often facing off against homeless men for McDonald’s dumpster scraps. “Hopefully it won’t prove to be too much for people to get accustomed to, we really need these students in tip-top shape for the Master Plan to come to fruition,” said the Willy T security officer lady. The Wildcat UKID Center also plans to begin their takeover of campus in fall 2013. The Center hopes to open several new branches around campus in order to “make access more convenient for students and faculty.” The walk to room 107 in the student center is currently so out-of-the-way that most people have to decide whether to go to the Wildcat ID office or spend precious time with loved ones, fearing a nuclear apocalypse. The decision has only been made
Never Join an Honors Society
harder by the hordes of people already bombarding the UKID office for new IDs. The Wildcat UKID Center hopes to relieve this suffering felt by both students and staff by offering prescriptions of an experimental new mind-contr—mind relaxant-- from the University Health Center to students waiting in line for more than six hours.
ties should the information they carry about a student’s location be digitally logged. But UK Police Chief, Joe Monroe, pinky swore that cops will not use this technology to track students and that all the Excel datasheets full of student’s private information have, like, a million passwords.
The big hurdle that these IDs now face is the growing concern for students’ and faculty’s privacy rights. At this time the American Civil Liberties Union of Kentucky has not reviewed the police’s takeover of security and tracking duties. These cards could seriously infringe on the owner’s rights to privacy as well as their civil rights or liber-
Students at UK are not overly concerned. The hipster sitting ironically in the middle of the classroom said it best: “I already signed my soul away when I took out thousands of dollars worth of loans to pay for this place.” The moral of the story is that students have nothing to lose, only everything to gain with the new student IDs.
what'’s inside
Kentucky Goes Green in all the Right Ways
Short Shorts in February: A Black Sheep Call for Sanity
It's a terrible hoax! Don't waist your time, money... or dignity.
What's so dope about hemp and why it should be legalized.
If you're freezing your DD's, then cover your knees!
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page 5
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contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 4: from the streets
page 5
If you could be any animal, what would it be, and why?
page 5: The top 10: Things to remember to be a better sexter it's about time you brush up on those naughty emoticons.
page 10: Addictions They Didn't Warn You About in School
Table of
there's some weird shit these days, avoid the peer pressure to join it!
page 11: bartender of the week Kelly from Hugh Jass Burgers has heard some interesting pickup lines.
page 13: The black sheep interviews: big gigantic This saxophone extraordinaire's hard work is paying off
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word of the week Slumbeer:
The last beer of the evening, often drank as a person is nodding off. “If Neil drops his slumbeer, be sure to wake him up by pouring whatever isn’t spilt on his head.”
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From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
If you could be any animal, what would you be, and why? "I'd be a lemer because they're straight up G's like me... DUH!" - Andrew L.., Freshman
Never Join an Honor Society G. Jordan Johnson wrote this Not to indulge myself too much, but it bears mention that I had a spectacular semester last fall. I finished with A’s across the board without breaking my back, golfed with my best friend well into the beginning of the fall weather, took a few trips with my significant other, and leisured about in a number of ways too long to list here. Despite my borderline disregard for class, the honor society invites came rolling in. I assumed after ignoring the first three to five desperate pleas for my money, they would pass the message on to the rest. However, they continued to come, and to this day, still do. Beyond the meager yet strangely-universal enrollment fee of $90, the biggest reason to not join up with these fly-bynight honor societies is their incredibly empty appeal. What could they offer you at the expense of $90 that could possibly fulfill all the trite promises they make in their pamphlets? Hell, you could probably make more money marking up Goodwill finds on Craigslist than what they’re paying the post-grad to Photoshop their hackneyed pieces of literature. Yet, they want your money in exchange for their seal of approval on the quality of your intellect? It’s unbelievable that the University of Kentucky is offering you an education worthy of the price tag, and they’re audacious enough to believe that their arrangement of Greek letters called an “organization” is somehow going to supplement your résumé? You’ll not fool this cynic. A true education is a Thoreauvian one obtained at one’s own accord, not some boring list of societies on a piece of paper that’s supposed to represent your being in an impressive way. That’s not only overzealous but downright ludicrous. Further, despite reading more like a vacuum sales pitch, these pamphlets wreak of pretense and pedantry. They may as well place a white male in a Harris tweed blazer on the cover, decorate him with a glass of sherry, and prop him next to an ornate oak desk littered with copies of Aficionado. It’s the tried image one might expect to see passed around in an incredibly droll piece of email humor amongst second-rate, literary journal-obsessed Columbia professors. The image
these “honor societies” attempt to cultivate panders to the insecurities of soon-to-be graduates who fear their inevitable status as soon-to-be-jobless. They’re selling a sense of hope and significance cheaper than that found in an early twentieth century Parisian brothel. At least the prostitutes delivered on their end of the deal. Being an entrepreneur of sorts, I’ve seen all low and deviant tricks a man can pull to reel in suckers, and these groups are no different. Still yet, one may overlook all that is cheesy and questionably valuable about these mail-in “honor societies,” and still be met with their ranks; a congregation of people so pathetic that they felt the need to join a mail-in honor society. There is nothing worse than an academic riddled with self-importance. It’s enough that the run-of-the-mill Greek organizations physically located on campus instill so much vainglory and egoism in their members, but we couldn’t let it stop there. These transient honor clubs dole out direct mail marketing pamphlets hocking a cheap sense of pride that can take an economics major who seemingly could not get anymore pretentious or pompous and turn them into a walking undeserved sense of accomplishment. What’s worse is that these “honor societies” are so unbelievably transparent, yet their members boast cult-like zeal matched in magnitude only by their triviality. You’ll find more restraint and skepticism in a teenager holding a credit card. A man with any degree of common sense should know that joining organizations of any variety is mostly a shallow farce that serves only to satiate our petty desire to feel significant in a society that fosters store-bought happiness. Take the questionable accreditation and corny appeal of a society promising member benefits that read like retirement home amenities and the decision should make itself. The whole idea is a well-thought out cash cow that I wish I had concocted. I sure as hell wouldn’t be here if I were collecting those $90 checks coated with the tears of students grasping hopelessly at any opportunity to pad their education with cheap blue ribbons.
"I'd be a gorilla because they can climb trees and break shit!" - Tina M., Freshman
"I'd be a golden retriever because girls love them and I'd get pet all the time!" - Juan R., Sophomore
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Kentucky Goes Green… In All the Right Ways
Neal Querio wrote this
The
Top 10
page 5
Things to Remember To Be a Better Sexter
In a world of ever-growing smart phone technology, staying connected has never been easier... or kinkier. Yup, we’re talking about sexting: the Western Frontier of subtle seduction. And we, the chosen generation of the 21st century, are its pioneers. Many will fail and only a few succeed. Worry not! Here are ten tips to remember for sexier sexting. 10.) Remember the Context: Imagine coming home from class and receiving this text: “Hey baby, what are you wearing?” Like foreplay, sexting must not be random. It has to follow a specific mood or event to be triggered. Initiating sexting is preferred after several rounds of romantic flirting (and sighing). 9.) Stay Cryptic: There's something about being completely mysterious in art and form which teases the human mind. That said, getting metaphorical on the shape of your woman's waist is appealing in cheap smut, but cliched in practice. Instead, a small glimpse of all the naughty and not-so-nice fetishes running free in your mind can unlock your own Cave of Wonders. 8.) Don't Demand or Beg: Regardless of how dire your hard-on is, nobody likes aggression, least of all in sext form. None of that SMS guilt tripping, either. 7.) Remember the Small Things: Every person works hard for their image. Whether it's something they say or wear, it shapes who they are, and recognition of that will help your lusting. A quick quip on how sexy that skirt looked on her can do the trick. 6.) No Sex Euphemisms: We know you're a big fan of literary smut, but sex euphemisms suck. We don't care how often George R.R. Martin uses “member” to mean penis in his otherwise epic fantasy saga. It doesn't work in sexting (or in real life, if you think about it). 5.) No Overused Sayings: Though it worked perfectly as an example, “What are you wearing?” is one of the must-avoid cliches in cyber foreplay. Though seduction needs to appear seamless, you don't want to look indifferent by recycling overused phrases.
As you’ve probably heard from your burnout friends, a movement has started here in Kentucky to legalize the production of the plant hemp. Senate Bill 50 would allow farmers to grow hemp, creating more jobs and income for Kentucky residents. Of course there are always killjoys who oppose changes to the system. Naturally, law enforcement officials and many old-timey politicians are against the industrialization of hemp because of its close relation to marijuana. Some think that it would spiral out of control and the government might not be able to enforce weed laws as effectively. And god forbid anyone legalize weed, lest the world should come crashing down to a grinding halt. All the stigma surrounding weed and its legalization is ridiculous; as anthropology majors can tell you, the plant has been used for thousands of years by holy people of ancient civilizations to induce religious experiences. And more curiously, years of scientific study has shown that alcohol and tobacco (other Kentucky-bred vices) have been far more dangerous and harmful to health than marijuana could ever hope to be. Chain-smoking cigarettes comes with the promise of lung cancer, mouth cancer, and other sexy little diseases. Even though tobacco itself is a natural plant, the modern smoke is saturated in more chemicals than elements on the periodic table. There are more than 4,000 unnatural elements within a cigarette. And lucky for you, only 51 of them are confirmed causes of cancer. Moreover, we as a society have come not only to accept underage drinking as a common occurrence but even celebrate it as a timehonored rite of passage. And who are we to disagree? Getting drunk is a pure delight; the damage it does to your liver, however, not so much. Some get black-out plastered and have the unfortunate habit of running their mouths, starting unintentional fights and just breaking
things in general. And let us not forget the lovely little hangover that awaits us in the morning. The puking, headache, and dehydration do a number on your body. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to wake up in your own bed from the night before, rather than a bed in the emergency room.
4.) Determine Your Role: Both in sex and relationships, there will almost always be one person being more dominant than the other. It's a delicate balance that must be maintained to prevent a clash mid-sext. This is NOT the same as coercion and its counterpart, blind submission. Sexting is a tango, and based on the mood and rhythm, you might have to lead or you might have to follow.
Cigarettes and alcohol can also have that nasty little habit of becoming physically addictive. Not so with weed. A pot smoker can definitely become hooked to the feeling it gives you, but typically there will be no physical side effects besides growing dreadlocks and “surfing” the couch for hours on end. Cigarette smokers can even experience the same withdrawals that heavy drug abusers go through, and that hardly sounds like a picnic. When smoking weed you have to smoke pounds upon pounds upon pounds of pot in one sitting before you get anywhere close to overdosing. And people with an average income are definitely not going to be dropping that much money at once. Moreover a kid would probably fall asleep long before they got half way through that massive stash. Dammit, smoking weed is fun. You feel euphoric and relaxed. All the stresses of your daily life just melt away like the ten gallons of ice cream you’ve just demolished. The world seems bright and new – even the most mundane of tasks like cleaning or staring at your gums in the mirror seem novel. Weed even helps to relieve nausea and headaches -- the perfect cure for the nasty hangover that you’re totally nursing right now. Food starts to taste better, and hell, some people smoke before exercising and can go on for hours. So congratulations, Kentucky General Assembly, for finally starting to chill-out. Tonight kids across campus will be toasting… err, lighting-up… in your honor.
3.) Good Grammar: Not everyone is a grammar Nazi, but every person would like to know they're banging someone intelligent enough not to confuse “your” with “you're” or worse... “ur.” For the polyamorous: just remember the differences between “there,” “their,” and “they're.” 2.) Tease, Tease, Oh, and Tease: If sex is the birthday present, think of sexting as the beautiful gift wrap which conceals it. A present without any of that flashy wrapping paper isn't as awesome. Snapchat, get on it. 1.) “Fight Club Rule #1 There Are No Rules”: Though it's helpful to have a guideline in case you're completely clueless, it's better to just go with the flow. Different strokes for different folks. What could be socially unacceptable can be the hottest thing you whispered to your lover's ear all night. Remember that when having some sextual delight.
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WEDNESDAY 3/6
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Short Shorts in February: A Black Sheep Call for Sanity Shauntionne Mosley wrote this Readers may not be aware, but just because we’re called The Black Sheep doesn’t mean we all strut around with badass, letterman-style black wool jackets. We’re all freezing our asses off, just like you, in this bipolar Kentucky weather. Here, it's wise to just carry a heavy jacket at all times. We don’t care if it’s mid-July and the suave and swank weatherman tells you some nonsense about expecting a high of 90. We guarantee as soon as you step out in your flip flops you’ll bust your ass on a leftover patch of ice, wishing you threw on your dusty Uggs. We hate the cold weather here at The Black Sheep…and we assumed most sane people did too. Turns out, we assumed wrong. While you’re layered up and wearing your tube socks stretched all the way up to your face there’s some athletic steroid junkie running around campus wearing his girlfriend’s boy shorts, working on his already-perfect quads. To some this is dedication; it's your body’s work at its finest, and only the toughest of the tough can endure this level of exercise. To others, this is utter bullshit. Sheep like us do not run in 22-degree weather. For one, every ounce of fat on us looks like gold (we’re totally body-image positive). But more importantly… why bother? Do you know what we call these people? Idiots. Beautifully-built, body-of-Adonis, ready-torun-a-marathon-in-moment’s-notice idiots. Why do these people get all sorts of wonderful compliments for running around half-naked in the cold, but when one of us does it we get an indecent exposure citation and a ride downtown? Kids with bodies like that these basically sleep in the Johnson Center -- you’d think they’d be well aware that there’s already a running track inside. So you know that you can run inside of our expensive-ass gym that comes with heat and cold water… but you decided to run outside anyway? That’s not “you’re body at its finest,” that’s not “testing your endurance,” it’s showing off! It’s reminding those too lazy to get up and turn the channel of the New Year’s resolutions we kind of…sort of…not really…forgot about. We think that these people, and frankly this whole situation, should be handled a lot differently. Instead of admiring these fitness-crazed lunatics, why don’t we suggest that these poor fools go jog on over to Student Health Services for a free psychological screening? Something is clearly wrong. Next time you see that buff guy walk into Starbucks and order a Frappuccino (are you kidding me?) after his “winter run” stop by his table and just pour your hot chocolate on his lap. He’ll probably get up and strangle you with the raw force of all that pure muscle,
but trust us, after the temporary burning he’ll thank you later for the scalding dose of reality. Now we know what you’re thinking -- just because we’re not built like Olympians we have to throw shade at those who do actually work for those Greek sculpture bodies. Dear readers, you couldn’t be more wrong. We don’t hate these people. We just find them and their casual disregard for the weather slightly annoying. Every time we see them we try our hardest not to just throw a jackets at their bodies out of pity AND concern.
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Addictions They Didn't Warn You About in School Nicole Barnes wrote this This time of year you often find that there's not a damn thing going on at school except for academic misery and frosty tumbleweeds rolling by. At least that's the situation at UK -- everybody’s favorite second-choice public university. And in such times of excitement and depravity you turn to TV. Lucky for you and your bored ass, My Strange Addiction is still airing on TLC so you can be thoroughly freaked out and traumatized while the last of winter wears down your soul. My Strange Addiction is a masterwork of exploitative reality TV, offering a sadly dark showcase of insane individuals and their unhealthy obsessions. Enter: the cat hair lady. She savors her cat's fur on a regular basis. She likes the way the cat's hair tastes, feels on her tongue, and we would go on... but nausea might ensue. We could also make a sex joke here, but it's already getting too vulgar, even for The Black Sheep. We don't recommend watching this one. It's… difficult to swallow, in a manner of speaking. Only slightly easier to watch is the guy who dates his collection of inflatable pool animals. Actually, it's not any less uncomfortable to witness. As the poor guy speaks painfully of how he had to put some of the inflatables down because they had air leaks, one can only hope that the law will recognize the love found between man and inflatable pool toy. Then there’s the whole phenomenon of the butt-injection queens. No, they're not the typical butt injections that you get on the weekends when you get too drunk and pass out at the frat house. These are intentional. The butt injection addicts are obsessed with having their butts look bigger. The problem is they're broke, and so they go to some sketchy place, like a motel, a dilapidated apartment, or a White Hall bathroom stall, and they get some random-ass person to inject -- umm... well, damn near anything. They never know what the hell they're actually stuffing into their butts, and that's the danger. And with danger comes mishap and misshapen buttocks'. We would blame Kim K., Beyonce, and J-Lo, but they actually have nice butts. Their butts don't look like swollen tumors or busted cans of biscuits. While still on the unfortunate topic or rear-end mishaps, My Strange Addiction may have outdone itself by showing us the coffee enema couple. We don't even know what to say about this twisted butt injection. The phenomenon of “butt-chugging”, or consuming alcohol…anally, has been a
(largely theoretical) concept for some time -- at least until one University of Tennessee student sent himself to the hospital last fall for putting theory into practice. In his defense, he was sinking to lower levels of cognitive functioning because he was consuming alcohol. Moreover, he was from Tennessee -- a state that’s hardly tolerable sober. The coffee enema couple, however, receives no clemency from us. They're pouring caffeine in; they have no excuse. Shouldn’t they be becoming increasingly alert as they do this? Stop! It's hurting us to watch. We know it probably feels all warm going in and-- you know what? No! We’re not going to say anything positive about what you people are doing. It's depraved and it will only end tragically in perforation. Students, read carefully: Coffee is a beverage, not a suppository, not a thermometer. It goes in your mouth—between those cheeks. Not the other cheeks! Your mother told you not to do everything you see on TV. Keep things out your butt. Date real people. And don't eat your pets. Have a safe semester, folks. And you’re welcome.
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bartender of the week kelly c. hugh jass burgers Hometown: St. Albans, West Virginia How long have you been bartending: 6 years What made you want to bartend: It's a fun job, I can make good money and people watching is fun! Is bartending your favorite job you've ever had: YES! Has bartending taught you any life lessons: Karma... I believe in helping out others and it'll come back to you... like if someone's short a dollar I let it go and hopefully it'll come back to me when I go out. Is bartending difficult: Nah Favorite part of bartending: Interacting with customers, talking, and laughing.
Worst thing you've ever seen someone do in a bar: Someone peed on the bar, then they were escorted out. Favorite drink to make: Baltimore Zoo... its a fruity Long Island iced tea What drink do you order at a bar: Vodka and tonic with lime If you could share a drink with anyone who'd it be: David Beckham in his Armani underwear What's your favorite pickup line: "Here, you dropped your name tag"... then they hand you packet of sugar What do bartenders know that the rest of us don't: Mostly people don't know what they're actually ordering.
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
It’s that time again to take another classic game from your childhood and rework it into a beautiful piece of art. It’s time for Battleshots. Liam Neeson and Rihanna not included.
Sluts are easy and loved by all, except when they are screwing your significant other. These brownies won’t just bring joyous orgasms to every taste bud in your mouth, they’re also easy to make!
Battleshots
What You’ll Need: 2 pizza boxes, 34 shot glasses, and various alcohol. Number of Players: Just two. Level of Intoxication: If your opponent knows the game, prepare to pass out. How to Play: - On each pizza box, draw two 10x10 grids on the inside top and bottom. Label the horizontal side A through J and the vertical side 1 through 10. - Fill all 34 shot glasses with different liquids (get those cheap plastic ones from Walgreens). They could be vodka, beer, rum, water, milk, juice, whatever you have on hand. Obviously fill more of them with alcohol than anything else. - Sit across from your opponent and open up your box. One by one, opponents select shot glasses to use on their board until both players have 17. - Each player arranges them like the ships in Battleship (one 5-shot glass aircraft carrier, one 4-shot glass battleship, one 3-shot glass submarine, one 3-shot glass destroyer, and one 2-shot glass patrol boat). - Players take turns asking if their opponent has a ship at a spot on the grid. For example, “Do you have a ship on E3?” If the player does, they must take the shot that is on that space. If not, the asking player marks on their empty 10x10 grid that they have already guessed that space and must take a sip of a side drink. - Players alternate turns. - If a player guesses a lot correctly, he does not get another turn. The Game Ends When: One player has sunk all of the other player’s ships. This game is best played when wearing cut-off t-shirts and sweatbands. Crank up some Metallica, too.
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Slutty Brownies
What You’ll Need: 1 package of cookie mix, 1 box of brownie mix, the ingredients those mixes require, 1 package of Double Stuf Oreos, a baking pan, and any additional add-ins you want (like chocolate chips, sprinkles, etc.). Cook Time: Just under an hour. Fatty Factor: You’ll be a big ol’ grenade when you’re done with these sweets. Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. - Make the cookie dough mix in a large bowl by following the directions on the back. Make them extra gooey by adding a teaspoon or two of vegetable oil. - Spread the prepared cookie mix evenly across the bottom of your pan. - Line up the Oreos in rows over the cookie dough, covering it completely. Don’t use the cracked Oreos; just eat those gems while baking. - In another large bowl make the brownie mix by following its directions. - Pour the brownie mix evenly over the Oreos. - Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, and when it’s finished let it cool. - If you have any, sprinkle your extra ingredients across the top of the brownies. - Slice ‘em up and stuff your face! Sluts are like doorknobs, everyone gets a turn! So make sure you share your brownies, fatty.
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
Guess this Dress! oscar edition
Who were they? That doesn’t matter. What matters is who they wore. From Gucci to Oscar de la Renta, the glamour shone squarely on these lavish gowns. We’re asking you who wore what. The dresses are pictured below, and the answers are at the bottom of the page. Fab-u-lous.
a
B
c
D
E
F
g
H
Salma Hayek Jennifer Lawrence
Olivia Munn Charlize Theron
Kerry Washington Naomi Watts
answer key
A) Halle Berry B) Kerry Washington C) Charlize Theron D) Adele E) Naomi Watts F) Salma Hayek G) Jennifer Lawrence H) Olivia Munn
celebrity bank
Adele Halle Berry
Over a billion people watched the 85th annual Academy Awards, an audience slightly larger than the reach of The Black Sheep. While Ben Affleck will be sleeping off his champagne hangover for the next month, we know the real winners of the evening were the ladies who dressed to impress.
we interview:
Big Gigantic
Dominic Lalli, saxophone extraordinaire of the acclaimed electronic jam band Big Gigantic (otherwise known simply as Big G) has been playing music his whole life, but when his project with drummer Jeremy Salkin started blowing up in the past two years, all he could really say is, "Wow." Other adjectives mentioned: crazy, overwhelming, fucking crazy, wow (again), funny, wild, and crazy (again). Be sure to check these guys out on tour all summer long, at a venue near you. The Black Sheep: How did you get started with the saxophone? With Big Gigantic? Dominc Lalli: I started playing saxophone in school, in band and all that, and then I ended up going to college and getting my master's degree in, pretty much, jazz performance, classical and jazz. I moved to New York and then Colorado, and started getting into DJs and electronic music. I started getting into producing and writing music, and just sitting in with electronic bands, I just naturally wanted to mix in the saxophone. TBS: So when you were listening to this electronic music, what made you think, "I want to put a saxophone with that?" DL: I had been playing music for so long, and the saxophone is kind of just my voice. It's just what I've always done. So I was producing music and then I wanted to start playing melodies, and then I wanted to do some solo stuff and then improvise over it all. TBS: Big Gigantic's sound is clearly a mesh of many different kinds of music. Who are some of your influences? DL: In the jazz world there's a lot of saxophone players, and I've been influenced by their sound and their song writing. You know, John Coltrane, Wayne Shorter, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock is a huge influence. I've also been influenced by a lot of hip-hop and R&B, Kanye West and Jay-Z, and I grew up listening to a lot of Run DMC and Beastie Boys. And all the way through Radiohead and more rock and electronic type of stuff. Then, of course, everyone in the electronic world; Derek from Pretty Lights, my buddy Alex from Paper Diamond, Griz, Skrillex, all of those heavyweights. I'm learning from all of those people, and I'm stirring it all up. TBS: Who would be a dream to work with? DL: Herbie Hancock, he's just an amazing piano player. In the 70s he did really funky, spaced-out music with awesome melodies and really cool solo stuff. We're really into the music he writes, in that funky, electronic vein. If you heard some of his stuff, you could definitely hear his influence. TBS: You guys play a lot of festivals. Could you put a finger on some of the craziest? DL: Electronic Forest is definitely one of my favorites, the fans are pretty wild. Ultra last year was pretty wild, too. But seriously, Electric Forest is, like, how I came up throughout this whole thing. A few years ago, when it first started in 2008, when it was called Rothbury, I was playing saxophone for the guitarist of the String Cheese Incident's side project. I was in such awe, it was one of my first times at a festival and I was like, "Wow, I can't believe I'm really here." I ended up sitting in with all these different kinds of bands; it was really epic. The next year was when Big G just kind of got started, and we played Rothbury for free and I did a DJ set in the forest when it was just some boards set up and it was barely an official stage. I had never DJ'd before and I was so nervous and it was so funny. Then we ended up coming back, and last year we closed Saturday night and it was just great. TBS: How surreal was it, when four years ago you're playing on some janky stage to closing Saturday night on the main stage? DL: It's fucking crazy. It's just crazy! This last year, just every festival we played at, from Wakarusa to Bonnaroo, where we gave out thousands of these blow-up saxophones right before we went out, and just seeing all the fans, like, fist-pumping with these saxophones, it's just crazy shit. I've been playing music for so long and in so many different capacities, it's overwhelming in the best way possible. Just going out there and being like, "Wow." It's been a pretty wild ride. TBS: So how do you stay sane when you're touring and playing show after show? DL: I try to stay pretty focused, and keep in mind what's really real, you know, just what I'm working for. I just try to have fun and play music and stay in the moment and enjoy it, just kind of cruise through. TBS: Michelle Obama -- bangs or no bangs? DL: She seems a little emo with the bangs. It's cute though. TBS: Describe your perfect breakfast. DL: I love breakfast. You know, probably an omelette, cheddar cheese, definitely bacon, maybe some avocado. Some toast, coffee, and a large orange juice. TBS: Drink of choice? DL: Maker's Mark and ginger beer. Or ginger beer with tequila.
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
21 and Over In Theaters Friday, March 1
Smarty-pants and straitlaced Jeff Chang (Justin Chon) turns 21 the day before a crucial med-school interview. Jeff ends up getting mad drunk with his best friends because, duh, that's just what you do when you turn 21, and a night of "just one quick beer" turns into nakedness, screaming, and all around debauchery. Oops! From the writers of The Hangover, this movie should be at least amusing, if not relatable.
How to Destroy Angels - An Omen Released Tuesday, March 5
In 2009 Trent Rezor decided that Nine Inch Nails should "disappear for a while." Well, like any good addict who thinks they've given up the Perfect Drug, he's found something else in How to Destroy Angels. Fronted by his hot Asian wife, Mariqueen Maandig, similar NIN sounds remain, only, you know, with a hot lead singer. Again, it's NIN sounds with hot Asians involved. We love it long time.
Archer Thursday, March 7 at 10 p.m. EST on FX
In the newest episode of FX's brilliantly subversive dhow, Archer heads to the Mexican border to take care of a notorious coyote. No, he doesn't want the animal exterminated like a cyborg or crocodile, he needs to take care of a bossy immigrant smuggler. But wait, why not keep a few for housekeeping duties? Maybe if there wasn't an ant problem in the office, Mallory would let them use the break area again.
the riddle
Do you know what's going on down there? Figure out our riddle and send us the answer to the question to classtime@theblacksheeponline.com. If you're right, you'll win something cool!
the madlib: prepping for a pop show Yes, it’s finally here! I bought my ticket months ago, it only took ___1___ shifts at ___2___and a ___3___ or two to get the money for the tickets, but its going to be sooo awesome. Sure, I may be a ___4___ in college, but I’m the biggest ___5___ fan ever. None of my friends wanted to go, so luckily I can meet up with some fellow fans I met on ___6___. Who cares if they’re ___7___ or getting driven by their mom, who thinks it’s creepy I’m hanging out with them? Whatever, we are total ___8___-fanatics and that’s all that matters! I’ve got my outfit all ready, too. First, ___9___ crop top with ___10___-print fringes that I handmade, totally inspired by ___11___, she’s so perfect! Let’s not forget my ___12___ skinnys with my ___13___ pumps! Oh yeah, and my ___14___ nail decals, yum! My dad said I look like a ___15___ but I told him that I don’t even love him. And what’s a concert without a little ___16___ vodka and Four Loko? I’m fittin’ to get mad hype! I’m going to try to bring some in for my new friends, but I’m having Skype session with my boyfriend from ___17___ before I go, and I might need all the liquid courage I can get to actually talk to him this time! His English isn’t the best, and he sends me ___18___ pics and dead-___19___ pics, but that’s a cultural difference, right? Plus I want him to finally hear me sing ___20___ ballads, because I think I could be the next ___21___ and make thousands of dollars. Okay, ___22___-flavored lip gloss? Check! ___23___- perfume? Check! Extra pair of ___24___, in case I meet the band? Check! Well, here goes nothing, hopefully I don’t faint from all this liquor and caffeine!
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