Vol. 2, Issue 8
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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10/17/13 - 10/23/13
An ode to fall at the University of Kentucky BY: C weaver Fall is arguably the most beautiful of all the seasons, and in Kentucky, fall is extra special because of the ridiculous excess of trees and the wonderful notion that cold weather means it’s time to drink bourbon. After getting through midterms, an autumn stroll through the Arboretum is all you need to make you want to curl up inside a pumpkin and hibernate. But there isn’t much time to enjoy the season — before you know it, priority registration for spring will begin, finals will just around the corner, and winter will have its long, cold grasp wrapped tightly around your genitals. So here is an ode to fall at UK so that you can remember to enjoy the small things that this much-too-short season has to offer. The first sign of the coming fall is the wonderfully light breeze whenever Lexington goes a few hours without rain. It’s still warm during the day so girls don’t have to retire their skirts and sundresses. One drive down Limestone and all you see are miles of legs on every girl at every crosswalk or bus stop. Then comes that beautiful light breeze and up go the skirts. It almost makes up for the fact that we don’t get a fall break at UK, and almost gives us an excuse to masturbate while driving. But we don’t, because, you know, like, who’s ever done that? Right? Not us, that’s for sure. Fall also means feeling better about our shitty football team by remembering that basketball is just around the corner, a sport we kick serious ass in. That said, Big Blue Madness and homecoming don’t
beat the fact that autumn brings us yoga pants and leggings. We get the double excitement of looking forward winter and basketball, without having to suffer through winter and the less sexually explicit clothes it brings. Before you know it, the Halloween parties begin and Hocus Pocus starts playing every single night. Girls score free drinks by dressing up as the slutty counterpart to any Disney princess, and the guys get their jollies by scaring said girls without coming off as a sexual predator. There’s usually a weeklong hangover following Halloween, but we somehow manage to survive through midterms, avoid myUK at all costs in order to extend our denial, and before you know it Thanksgiving is near and we get a whole three days off that we probably would have ditched anyway. Also don’t forget pumpkin flavored everything is now available, bon fires give us yet another reason to drink and play with fire, and the freshmen who were in over their heads have all dropped so parking at K Lot is slightly less of a disaster. All is right at UK as bourbon warms our hearts, yoga pants warms our loins, and the anticipation of basketball keeps us going. And then comes the snow. And the ice storms. Then finals, followed by your imminent mental breakdown and ultimate sexual deprivation. So enjoy this time while you still have it. Pour yourself a few Hot Toddies, pile up all the leaves in your yard, and dive right in.
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Rapper Turns the Tables on the Police
Stoops and the Illumanti: Part 1
Writes nonsensical “F Da Fire Department.”
Is our beloved Stoops yet another member of the elusive clan?
Keep Up With Us! @UKBlackSheep • theblacksheeponline.com
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Bartender of the week
Sarah from the Tin Roof suggests not being Miley Cyrus this Halloween.