Vol. 5, Issue 9
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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10/24/13 - 10/30/13
The Ghost of Willy t. BY: C weaver
My name is William T. Young and I should’ve gone down in history as the greatest philanthropist of all time, a gentleman and a scholar, but now all I’m known as a fucking library that people despise. However, I am the ghost of UK… yes you blubbering fools, I’m still around. And since it’s Halloween, I plan on making it my mission to scare the shit out of every student who has ever pissed me off: the sorority floozies, every kid who has ever called me “Willy T” (so all of you), and the bastard who won’t quit playing The Hunger Games whistle in my library every five minutes. Only then will you ungrateful bastards know I’m still not alive and well. This Halloween, torture will reign. I tried to bring forth my revenge by stabbing a few feet last year, but everyone claimed it was some horny, foot-loving freshman. I can’t even get credit for causing the football team to lose nearly every game; the people just blame it all on bad coaching, despite the fact that there is clearly ectoplasm all over the receivers’ gloves! What does a ghost have to do around here to be taken seriously? Oh but Halloween night, they’ll all be screaming my name, and not just because they’re hooking up in the study rooms of my library. My plan can’t start until nightfall, but fortunately it’s autumn and the sun is going down faster than basketball groupies during March Madness. My first mission is to be the ultimate of all cock blockers. For every “Coach Cal” who scores a Sloppy Miley at Tin Roof, I’m going to follow them down Maxwell. During each awkward silence, I’ll make the gnarliest fart noises. The girl will come up with an excuse to hit the pavement, and the guy will be left with balls blue enough to match his Cats t-shirt. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just fill the guy’s pants with ectoplasm the second she touches his hand, leaving him squirming and looking for the nearest bathroom. The next step is to get all the kids to drop their beer and get with the fear. Halloween gives everyone a reason to get drunk as fair maidens on a Thursday night, so the party possibilities will be endless. I will head into the first kegger I see on Waller, and walk in on people watching Twilight or some other terrible excuse for a scary movie. I’ll pick up a knife from the countertop and feel no regret as I slash the knife through the air and cut straight through the power cord on the TV.
The girls will be blue vag’ed into not seeing enough shirtless Taylor Lautner, and guys will be wondering why their kitchen knives are flying through the air. They’ll surely know ol’ Willy T is present when I carve my name into their bedpost “T YLLIW”!! And my final plan will take place on Elizabeth Street. I’ll go for straight up ghost spooktacular; it’ll be possession time up in this bitch. I’ll hop into the first guy I see, Evil Dead style, and start running around the house, pushing people down and screaming, “William T. Young is
inside of me! He was the foot stabber! It definitely wasn’t me! It was the ghost of Willy T. And also he was the one who made me send sexy Snapchats to Nerlens! Fear him!” I’m very excited to make my presence known at UK this Halloween, so all you Wildcats beware! But alas, this may also be my last attempt to prove my existence to you all. If I don’t strike fear in a single Wildcat eye then I’m going to haunt Louisville instead. That city has always been full of pansy asses, ever since I was alive.
page 5
page 7
pages 10-11
Congress Debate Over annual Halloween Party
Pranks Someone Needs to Accomplish this Halloween
The Black Sheep Interviews: Steve-O
Will the constituents ever reach a consensus?
And by someone we mean... you.
We chat with the infamous funny man about nut shots and Youtube.
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Ventitillate To arouse a sexual partner by blowing. With air. “Patrick ventitillated Mary by blowing in her ear; after, she was his for the taking.”
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Last Week’s Answer: Kansas’ Big Jay
The Black Sheep
Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @UKBlackSheep and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!
Classic college party icon actor covers fun-filled long johns with this keep-fresh tin foil. Last Week’s Answer: Washington DC Current
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s n r u B x e l p m o C t n e m t Apar By: Dan Mirabelli A Halloween party ended in tragedy last night when an apartment caught on fire, leaving twentythree students injured and many more traumatized. Sources indicate that the fire began due to two students who had an escalating standoff after arriving at the party wearing the same costume. Jenny Scott and Ali Tanner, both big fans of Miley Cyrus, decided to pay their respects to the star by dressing up as her for Halloween. However, “dressing up” may be an overstatement according to some guests of the party. “They both had next to nothing on,” vented Carla Romano. “They were crossing the line. I definitely saw labia. Once they saw each other, it really started getting out of hand.” Once making eye contact with Jenny, Ali allegedly put on “Wop” by J Dash in an effort stake her claim as the best Miley at the party. The twerking battle that ensued claimed the first victim of the party. Matt Rodriguez, a sophomore afflicted with epilepsy, was sent into a seizure by the brutal twerk-off. “The doctors have no clue how it happened,” recalled Matt. “Their asses were just shaking so much
me Costume After Two Girls Show Up In Sa that it was scarily disorienting. The last thing I remember before I went into seizure was the sound of my buddy puking all over a couch.”
bedrooms too. The next thing we knew she was putting together a prison-style tattoo gun from objects around the apartment.”
Without a clear winner in the twerking contest, the girls allegedly began searching for more ways to prove who represented Miley best. “Jenny started trying to make out with an ice cream scooper, and then Ali really upped it by going down on the sink faucet,” explained Greg Keller, an aroused togawearing eyewitness.
Within minutes Jenny had started tattooing an anchor on her wrist, and Ali was furiously buzzing her hair while dumping bleach all over her head. “The anchor was looking really shitty and I think that Jenny figured that out, so she stopped and decided to rip on Ali’s new haircut to make herself feel better,” Greg said.
Jenny, angry that she had been upstaged, reportedly turned the water on in an attempt to embarrass Ali. Unbeknownst to her, someone had just finished cleaning out some red cups with hot water because the host “was a cheap piece of shit.” Ali spewed the scalding hot water into Jenny’s face, eliciting a wail of pain and rage. Momentarily blinded, Jenny then allegedly took her papier-mâché wrecking ball and smashed it over a bystander’s head.
And that was when Jenny dropped the line that brought the night to its fiery end.
“Ali ran into the linen closet and rounded up an electric razor and a half gallon of bleach,” explained Greg. “When Jenny saw that, she ran into one of the
“Miley doesn’t even look good with short hair. How is your zit-covered face going to even come close, bitch?” Jenny allegedly yelled at Ali, who was in the bathroom at the time. Ali then lunged across the room, livid that Jenny would dare to insult Miley’s style. “They were pulling hair and scratching each other, it was amazing. Definitely one of the top moments of my life,” raved Greg. “Jenny pushed Ali off her and started throwing beer bottles at her. There
was glass everywhere; I even got a battle wound.” Keller pulled his sleeve up, proudly exposing what appeared to be a small paper cut. “And that was when Ali lit up a Molotov cocktail and threw it in Jenny’s direction,” Greg said, starry eyed. “It seemed like slow motion.” The bottle smashed against a wall, engulfing it in flames. As the partygoers ran in panic, the fire spread, consuming the room. Emergency crews arrived quickly but not before the inferno had eaten its way through the entire second floor. All told, the damages were upwards of ten thousand dollars, because the apartment was pretty heinous to begin with. Both girls are currently in custody at the Lexington Police Department, with a hearing scheduled in the coming weeks.
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Recently Re-Convened Congress Faces Polarizing Debate
Over Provisions for Annual Halloween Party By: Black sheep staff
“The Republican Party would like to make clear its opinion that the giant tarantula overseeing the senate chamber is more along the lines of a ‘Creepy-Crawly’ party theme, when it was decided in January that we would proceed in a more supernatural, spooky idiom.” Such is the rhetoric being used by House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy in debates over provisions for the House’s annual Halloween Hullabaloo, a current point of contention between the recently reconvened parties of the US House of Representatives. The issue became a major focus of debate last week when House Speaker John Boehner announced his intention to attend the party at Walter White, which was met with fierce opposition by the Democrats, spearheaded by President Obama who claimed that he made his intention of going as Walter White clear in this year’s State of the Union Address. Tensions were further heightened when Boehner suggested that Obama instead go as Gustavo Fring, to which Obama replied,
“Wait, why do I gotta be Gus?”The two have not spoken or touched legislation since. The debate then mutated into an argument over the constitutionality of having Washington state representatives select the spooky playlist for the event, a practice which has been in place since the Fred B. Norman era of 1943-1945. It was then debated whether Halloween was even a thing when the constitution was drafted. After researching for a minute on his iPhone, Illinois representative Aaron Schock announced that Halloween derived from Welsh folklore, and that the term “Halloween” was established well before the drafting of the Constitution, making its implied inclusion in the document fairly plausible. Washington state representative Doc Hastings then added that Halloween did not migrate to the Americas until the 20th century due to puritanic opposition of the holiday during the 18th and 19th centuries, implying that the hullabaloos of said holiday were not strictly regulated in the document. The case will soon go to the Supreme Court.
“The Washington representatives just play ‘The Monster Mash’ over and over,” New York representative Charles B. Rangel related to the press. “Truthfully, that’s also what I would play if I were in charge of the playlist, but it’s the principle of the matter.” Radical Republicans have even gone so far as to call the entire costume-wearing custom an affront to the lower-class representatives from Montana and Wyoming. Republican Majority leader Eric Cantor stands at the forefront of this radical movement, “The Democrats would have you believe that every representative can afford flashy Walter White costumes, but that simply isn’t the case. Forcing every person to wear a costume hurts the representatives from small constituents like Nevada, Oklahoma, and stuff like that.” Despite being a fierce opponent to the costume requirement, Cantor himself will once again be reprising his Satan costume. “Just because I don’t think the Idaho people need to wear costumes doesn’t mean I won’t be dressing up myself. My Beelzebub costume was the hit of the party last year, I can’t not go as the Dark
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Lord again.” At the rate that party legislation is currently moving, it will take a small miracle for the Halloween Hullabaloo to be ready in time for Halloween, which House members predict will be sometime near the end of
October. There is a ray of hope, however, which lies with the bi-partisan members of the House, which, although having petty disagreements about food and music which should be present at the party, equally agree that there should be plenty of booze.
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Around campus Send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets If you had to wear one article of the opposite sex’s clothing every day for the rest of your life, what clothing item would you choose?
Megan
“Boxers, because they’re comfortable!”
Anthony
“Leggings... no explanation required.”
Alyssa
“Sweatshirts! So cozy.”
06
Slutty Cat Vows to Stay Classy This Halloween
The
Top
Ten
Pranks Someone Needs to Accomplish This Halloween By: Mary Venuto
Being a college student means that it’s officially “inappropriate” to go out trick or treating because now you’re “too old.” Well suit yourself, society. This just means we have to up the ante when it comes to pranks. Here is a top ten list of pranks that The Black Sheep encourage with enthusiasm. 10.) Go to Tolly Ho at 3 a.m., sober: We’re not sure if this is even possible or legal, but think of the confused looks on employees’ faces when you order cheese tots without slurring your words. They’ll be so suspicious and thrown off, they might not sleep for a week knowing someone like you is lurking around sober all night. 9.) Run around Willy T in your favorite super hero costume: Nothing says “I’m a product of public postsecondary education” quite like running around the library in a super hero costume. Imagine how liberating the wind moving your cape and the wedgie from the spandex would feel. 8.) TP all the sorority houses on Rose Street: The perfect way to ride out your post-Halloween hangover is to watch a bunch of sorostitutes freak out about having to pick up the toilet paper and beer cans you and your goons left behind. 7.) Christmas carol on State Street: Get a group of the finest tenors and sopranos you know and go door to door singing everyone’s favorite Christmas carols. This ensures that everyone will be in the holiday spirit. Bonus points if you wear yarn mittens and hand out spiked hot chocolate.
Only Plans to Have Sex With Four Guys and a Fire Hydrant By: Black Sheep Staff “Halloween is my absolute favorite day of the year,” said Katie Burton, a junior in Education from Lexington, Kentucky. “I mean, I love Jesus and all, but I’d say Halloween’s even better than Christmas.” Burton, who describes herself as a “total Halloween nutbuster,” plans to approach Halloween a little differently this year. As it stands, Burton has a respected tradition of feline-inspired costumes, known locally as the “Slutty Cat Series.” Although she intends to introduce her newest outfit to the line this year, Burton says a shift in mentality is what she’s most looking forward to this season. Instead of using Halloween as her yearly outlet to “slut it all out,” Burton has vowed to “keep it classy” for the two weeks of Halloween celebrations she has planned. “I’ve been a sexy cat ever since I got into high school,” she said. “Over the years, I’ve been a sexy cat, a sexy kitten, sexy cheetah, sexy Puss N’ Boots, sexy furry white snow leopard and sexy Hermione after she turns into a sexy cat in that Harry Potter movie.” This year, Burton said she’s “putting a new spin” on the sexy cat costume. Rather than wearing tired accessories like cat ears, a furry tail and a motley combination of corsets, tutus and fishnet stockings, Burton says she’s only wearing nipple pasties in the shape of “tiny kitty cat paw prints” and a pair of booty-shorts that say “meow” on the ass. When asked if she would draw on whiskers to complete the outfit, however, Burton rolled her eyes and violently mumbled something about how she “fucking hates stereotypes about cat costumes.” Burton’s biggest challenge this year will be to fulfill her promise to stay classy during campus-wide Halloween celebrations. Burton clarified that to her, keeping it classy meant precisely four guidelines for each night: 1.) Only have sex with one guy (or gal) a night, unless
said sexual encounter is an intentional threesome (threesomes limit one per season). 2.) Refrain from calling other sexy cats “taint-faced testicle jockeys” and instead maintain an air of slut solidarity. 3.) Politely decline any invitation to “drink scotch with the boys,” so as to not relive the “shitty kitty” poop incident of Halloween 2009. 4.) Don’t get kicked out of Jimmy John’s for licking their counters and purring.
6.) Steal a bike cop’s bike: Lexington Police love it when they’re included in college shenanigans. They’ll probably laugh the entire ride back to the police station after they catch you riding down South Broadway. 5.) Pink flamingos. Pink flamingos everywhere: Any open space on campus is the perfect spot to place a pink flamingo. The middle of the Engineering Quad? Perfect. On the stage in Memorial Hall? Yes. The only patch of grass in front of Whitehall is a flamingo’s perfect habitat. And a flamingo is still a more intimidating bird than a cardinal. 4.) Have everyone you know to go frat party dressed as toilet paper mummies: The bros will be so overwhelmed with excitement that they’ll spill lighter fluid everywhere when they’re jumping up and down and squealing for joy. And get kicked off campus for another two years. Old habits die hard, you know who we’re talking about. 3.) Sit in the back of the drunk bus all night: For best results we suggest a Freddy Krueger or Grim Reaper costume. The window seat in the very back row is also preferred because you can stare down the people who get off as the bus drives away. You’ll go down in history as UK’s “Father Creeper.”
Otherwise, any mistake she may make is “fair game.” According to her friends, Burton is “highly unlikely” to follow any of these rules. “We’re talking about the same girl who masturbated with a piece of candy and then wrote a blog called ‘Kit Kat Kitty Kat’ detailing the experience,” the source said. “Ain’t gonna’ happen. She’ll totally relapse.” Burton, however, remains confident that she can stick to her goal. “This year, I’m doing Halloween differently,” she said. “I absolutely refuse to sleep with a guy if he half-asses his Halloween costume, like if he just lazily wears a Tebow jersey or the same cowboy outfit he wore to barn dance. I’m not that easy. I’ve been with too many Michael Vicks to know that if a man’s not creative on Halloween, he’s sure as hell not creative in bed.” At any rate, Burton said that sexy cat costumes get a bad rap, and that’s part of the reason she plays up the slut-factor each year. “It’s liberating, you know? There’s something powerful and animalistic about all that raw sexuality. Call me a slut all you want, but I still think there’s something super empowering about a sexy cat outfit. And when I’m out there, walking around, it feels a bit like feminism, you know? I feel like I’m just screaming at people—daring them— to embrace my inner pussy.”
2.) Rub Vaseline on the bathroom’s door knob: Preferably do this at a public bathroom like Kroger’s where trips to the bathroom are almost exclusively emergencies. Watch as people break out in poop sweats or run outside to pop the seal all over some poor slutty mummies. 1.) Go to class dressed as Abraham Lincoln: Everyone in Kentucky has a political boner for this guy. Be sure to look stoic and pristine. Start every sentence with “Four score and seven years ago…” and belt out the “Emancipation Proclamation” before class starts. Hopefully your TA will be just as hungover as everyone else and not want to put up with your bullshit, so they’ll let class out early.
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The Black Sheep Interviews
Steve-O
“I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.”
By: Tim Mackey The Black Sheep recently caught up with Steve-O on his national standup tour. Channeling our eighth-grade selves jumping off garages and lighting tennis balls on fire, we asked him every question we could possibly think of while holding back the strange urge to have him smash something over our crotch. He’s reinvigorated and risen from the ashes, so make sure to check out his new Youtube channel and follow him on Twitter, @SteveO.
The Black Sheep: How’d you originally end up working with the guys from Jackass? Steve-O: There was a skateboarding magazine back in the day called Big Brother, which was little more than a bad influence on kids. I loved it; it was really just the greatest magazine ever. I was in the magazine and the videos. The guy in charge of the operation reached out to Spike Jonze at one point and said “Hey man, everybody loves our videos, but no one cares about the skateboarding. I think if we subtract all of the skateboarding then what’s leftover would be a great TV show.” And when you took out the skateboarding, what you had left was me and Knoxville, and Wee Man, and Chris Pontius — and Bam was making a similar kind of video on the east coast — so we kinda merged camps, the Big Brother guys and the CKY guys and that was sort of how we all came together. TBS: For Jackass 3D you were completely sober. Is there a stunt from the past that you couldn’t have done sober? S: I should say I don’t know if I ever did stunts because I was wasted. I think I’ve always done stunts because I’m an attention whore. Getting sober hasn’t really changed that at all. But there was some particularly reckless stuff, one that comes to mind was being strangled unconscious six times in a row. TBS: By who? S: Ryan Dunn did that. We were on tour in England back in 2003, and Ryan Dunn choked me out six times in a row. Yeah, it was all on camera if you just go on Youtube and type “Steve-O Chokes” you can find it. Another one was on a three-day bender when I jumped out of an airplane with no parachute into the ocean. That one wasn’t so easy.
TBS: How many years until Johnny looks like Irving Zisman? S: I don’t know man, (laughs) I don’t know. TBS: How do you feel about having popularized the national phenomenon of butt-chugging? S: Oh man, that is… I am incredibly honored for that. It’s incredible. Knoxville sent me this video about a press conference. There were some college frat kids butt-chugging and there was some kind of outrage about it. It was the funniest fucking thing ever. I think they even called it “buttchugging,” I’m pretty sure I coined that term itself. TBS: You’re known as one of the guys who does the most intense stunts, but which member of the Jackass crew grew the most in their willingness to do horrible things to their body over time? S: I don’t know, man. We all seem to have our different strengths, it’s kind of a “apples and oranges” question. Whenever no one is willing to do something at all, then the idea trickles down to Danger Ehren. He would be at the top of the pile when it comes to willingness, that’s kinda due to his exceptionally low IQ. TBS: In Wildboyz you got a hotdog whipped from your butt with a bull whip and got your ass stung multiple times by an African emperor scorpion, with that in mind, what is the most painful stunt you’ve done? S: Oh god, I hate that question. It’s all just so subjective, man. Pain just has different criteria, the duration of the pain is an issue. While electrocution hurts more than other stuff, it’s quicker. I hate that question.
TBS: Which Jackass team member is most willing to take blows to the nuts? S: I don’t know that any of us are really psyched about it… We each have our own separate strengths when it comes to doing stupid things. But I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.
have no delusions about that. I love the saying you know “the alcohol bones connected to the weed bone, the weed bone’s connected to the cocaine bone” and so on…
any half-assed ideas. So my immediate response to him was “Oh yeah, how about if I get me tattooed on me, larger than me?” My face on my back is way bigger than my face.
TBS: Did you like being on Dancing with the Stars and hosting Killer Karaoke? Or was it just something to do? S: I, uh, Dancing with the Stars I really did enjoy a lot, Killer Karaoke had its moments. I, uh… but yeah neither of those two were my favorite.
TBS: You got a tattoo in January of Santa Claus crucified on your arm. Do you have a favorite tattoo? S: I like ShitFuck on my knuckles. I really do. Really because I’m quite proud of having carved out a place in my life that having profanities tattooed on my knuckles doesn’t hold me back. I’ve had ‘em… It’s been about exactly 10 years since I got ShitFuck tattooed on my hands.
TBS: Either in your career or not, what was the best moment in your life so far? S: I’m so jazzed about my new Youtube channel. I would say that the Youtube channel is the exact opposite of Dancing with the Stars and Killer Karaoke. I get to do what I think is fucking awesome and it’s such a treat and a joy. TBS: How long did it take you to heal from the mighty fist of Mike Tyson? S: Eh, pretty quick. I had two black eyes for a while there. I didn’t notice how long it took my nose to heal because this weird kung fu instructor guy set it straight right after it happened. I’d say like three weeks I was in pretty good shape.
TBS: Is there anyone that won’t ever do them? S: No, we all do them, but we have considerable… I don’t want to say reluctance because we all do it. I mean we all do it, but we dread it.
TBS: What can people expect to see on your tour this year? S: It’s filthy comedy and silly physical tricks. I think what makes my comedy unique and worthwhile is A: I’m absolutely shameless. And B: I’m rigorously honest. So if I tell a story you can damn well believe that it happened. And just judging by how shameless I am you can expect the stories to be incredibly juicy and revealing. You know I’ve been doing stand up for a long time and I’m really finding my voice and that’s exciting. People are really coming out and enjoying the show and that means a lot to me.
TBS: A lot of the guys, if they were afraid of snakes or spiders, then that’s the stunt they would do. What was your ‘phobia’? S: I hate roller coasters, which is why I was the perfect candidate for the poo potty. I mean I hate snakes too, I really do, but uh I don’t know if... Yeah like that one thing, I mean certainly rollercoasters are a big thing.
TBS: Looking at Johnny Knoxville, he seems to have aged more in the last 10 years than most people age in 30. How do you think you’ve managed to stay young-looking? S: (Laughs) Wow, I’ll take that as a compliment. I feel like I’ve aged pretty heavily as well, but if I guess if I were to agree with you then I’d have to blame that on healthy living. I quit smoking cigarettes and stopped doing drugs and drinking alcohol and I became a vegan. I exercise and stuff, surfing’s a big one.
TBS: Is it that falling feeling? S: It’s more like not being in control, like I can jump off of shit pretty easily. It’s like with bungee jumping when I’m looking off a bridge, I spent my life kinda jumping off of stuff so much, so I know heights pretty well. I don’t care what’s tied to me, when I look off something that’s 300 feet high, I usually know not to jump so it’s hard to get past that instinct. I mean I had no problem jumping off the tower of London, which is like the tallest thing I’ve ever jumped off of. TBS: You’ve been sober now for five and a half years, no drugs, no alcohol, nothing. So what’s you’re favorite drug to not do? S: I mean… I don’t know how to answer that. I uh… I mean the reality is that if I pick up any drink or drug in short order I’ll be on everything again. I
TBS: I’m telling readers to subscribe immediately to your blog because it’s honestly awesome. What can they expect to see you do on it in the future? S: I don’t know, I don’t want to give up any ideas, but I’m finishing up a lie detector bit. I don’t even know how it’s gonna come out. I got Knoxville to come up a list of hilarious and uncomfortable questions for me to answer while attached to a lie detector test. I don’t know what the questions are, but I imagine they’re gonna be pretty fucking terrible.
TBS: Your giant back tattoo, what was the situation where that was done? Did you wake up and it was there or what? S: We were preparing to shoot the first Jackass movie and Jeff Tremaine said “Hey, don’t waste our time with any half-assed ideas because now this isn’t a TV show anymore, it’s a movie.” And I kinda took offense to the notion that I would suggest
TBS: Anything else we should know? S: At the end of every one of my shows, when I walk off stage I never do anything or go anywhere until I take a photo with anyone who wants one, and lots of times people have things they want to ask me or show me. And everybody gets a chance to do that. I stick around until the bitter end, ‘til everyone who wants one gets a photo. I don’t really know of anybody who does that. And it proves to me to be a lot harder of a job to do that than the show itself. I stay committed to that though, because I want to make it a special experience for the fans who are committed to that. Make sure to read the extended interview online at theblacksheeponline.com!
read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com
Wildcat
DIY Costume Ideas By: Cassandra Shouse If you’re like us here at The Black Sheep, you’ve learned that traditional store bought costumes are overpriced, tasteless (read: slutty), and will not get you any bonus likes on Instagram. So why waste the cash? A do-it-yourself costume is the way to go if you’re going for cheap and comfortable. DIY costumes present a bit of a challenge though — you’ve got to be creative and think of a concept first. Fortunately, we live and learn on an interesting enough campus that’s inspired five unique costume ideas that will leave your Facebook friends jealous of your frugal ingenuity. Lex Park Douche Magouche: A student without a parking pass is forced to deal with off campus parking neo-fascists, Lex Park. Their only purpose for living is to shit on the optimistic outlook of students and squeeze what little money we have from our wallets. To pull off this costume all you need is a sensible pair of shoes, khakis, a bright yellow wind breaker, some construction paper to recreate their logo, and a plain ball cap with devil horns to complete the look of one of Satan’s earthly minions. Bonus points if you drunkenly fall off a Segway, double bonus points if you exceed your monthly ticket quota. Poor, Unfortunate Pedestrian: If you’re looking for
more gore then consider the idea of a pedestrian who’s been mowed down on Woodland or Rose. This costume is by far the easiest, all you need are some clothes you can rip, some ketchup, black paint, and black eye-liner you can smear to emulate grease smudges on your face, arms, and legs. Just have a friend roll their bike wheels in black paint and roll them on your shirt, pants, and body parts, or just go hang out on Woodland or Rose for more than twenty minutes and you’ll inevitably get hit by a biker, car, or bus. This costume is also the best excuse to carry a handy-dandy beer smuggling backpack all over Lexington. Someone Caught Outside P.O.T: To achieve the look of an innocent bystander who’s been caught in that hell storm wind tunnel, you just need wires to run through your clothes, hair gel/spray, starch in a can, and a umbrella that’s turned inside out. If you want to add a little more flair you can glue fake leaves, a grocery bag, or flyer to your clothes. Or you can just walk in front of P.O.T before you arrive at your destination and let the hellacious wind do the work for you. Obnoxious Louisville Bandwagon Fan: With this costume you’ll be able to talk all the belligerent
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nonsense like “Louisville is number one! Rick Pitino doesn’t look like a hit man! Teddy Baumgartner rules!” without people judging you for it. They’ll be impressed with how well you stayed in character while playing beer pong with the kids dressed as Hillary Clinton and the Harrison Twins. Pick up some unsavory red apparel and write a big “L” on your forehead for the full effect. Willy T Security Patrol: With a costume like this you’ll have the confidence to hit on any and every hottie at Two Keys. All you have to do is hike up your
pants up past your belly button and tell them to show you their student ID since it’s after 10 p.m. You can even yell at people for drinking out of cups without lids on them. This is your opportunity to vent out all the frustration and anger you felt when ol’ Deputy Dog told you that you had to throw away your Red Bull at 2 a.m. Or you can go to Halloween Express and pick out a Mario costume while your best bud dresses up as Luigi. That’s profound, and revolutionary! Ball’s in your court, Wildcats.
Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: Single
Cookies.
Major: Chemistry
What do you think to yourself when you see a person with a flip cell phone?: “Home schooled.”
Favorite Drink: Margarita Favorite Shot: Irish car bomb Disgusting Drink: Pabst Blue Ribbon Who’s the sexiest comic book character?: Iron Man. What is the silliest thing you’ve cried about?: Spilling my Cheerios.
Rachel of The Tavern Drinking Game
What is the last thing you’ve cooked or baked in an oven?:
Would you rather have a hornless unicorn, or a horse with a horn?: A horse with a horn because I can just pretend. How do you look yourself in the mirror eye day after what you’ve done?: It’s easy really. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because I said so!
Recipe for disaster
Scary Movie Drinking
Halloween Candy Bark
One of the best parts of Halloween is the excellent selection of movies that we finally get to watch—like Hocus Pocus and Halloweentown—that would be weird to watch any other time of year. Disney classics aside, there will be plenty of horror and scary movies all over the airwaves, so grab a seat and play this game before the party gets hoppin’.
With the plethora of discounted candy this time of year, don’t try to tell us you haven’t run to the grocery store and stocked up. We’re all guilty of it. Here’s a recipe to mix all of your favorite chocolate pieces into one snack for an even bigger sugar rush.
What You’ll Need: Booze, a horror flick of your choice and a television. Number of Players: However many people can fit on the couch. Level of Intoxication: Varies via corniness and awesomeness of said horror flick.
What You’ll Need: 1 pound bittersweet chocolate chips, 3 regular-sized Butterfinger bars, 3 regular-sized Heath bars, 5 regular-sized Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, 1/2 cup honey roasted peanuts, 3 ounces of chocolate and M&Ms or Reese’s Pieces (or both!) Cook Time: About an hour and a half. Fatty Factor: Just a few cavities, that’s all.
How to Play: Pop in the movie and take a swig for the following: - Eerie music, accompanied by strings and or piano, plays for intro credits. - A character is walking painfully slowly. - When that dumb bitch who shouldn’t go down the stairs goes down the stairs. - When someone whispers “help me.” - When your favorite character dies. - When your favorite character ends up being the killer/murderer/brother of killer. - When there’s a mirror in the scene and it sets up for something scary as shit in the reflection but it ends up being like the towel rack in the background or something. - Boobs. - When a character being chased trips over their own feet as if they’re running for the first time ever. - Jennifer Love Hewitt. - When you realize the police department in your horror movie is completely and utterly useless. - When the movie ends with one more cheap “pop out” bit for good measure. The Game Ends When: The ending credits roll … or maybe it’s just time to put another DVD in and keep going.
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Let’s Get Baked: - Chop up the Butterfinger and Heath bars into small bites. - Cut up the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups into quarters. - Melt the bittersweet chocolate chips in a saucepan over the stove or in the microwave and stir until smooth. Watch them closely and increase heat in small increments so the chocolate doesn’t burn. - Spread the melted chocolate onto parchment paper on a pan, leaving it about _ inch thick. - Scatter the chopped pieces of candy and peanuts over the melted chocolate. - Melt the white chocolate and drizzle it over the chocolate bark. - Sprinkle the M&Ms or Reese’s Piece on top of everything. - Let the bark cool in the fridge for 1 hour before breaking it up into pieces and chowing down. And you thought candy couldn’t get any better…
nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com 11
HALLOWEEN bingo
wordsearch
“Sexy” Halloween costumes
Ursula Catwoman Paratrooper Ninja Dalmation Cruella Santa Baby Zebra Warrior Elf Jester
Rapunzel Unicorn Corn Stalk Sulley Uncle Sam Raver Garden Gnome Flapper Medieval Hula Girl
answer key
Friday, November 1st
madlib What was more shocking than see-
ing ___1___ dressed up as a ___2___ ’s ___3___ , whatever that means, was waking up on a ___4___ -printed futon on ___5___ at my TA’s house. Or, even more shocking, that I started the night as a sexy ___6___ and ended the night in a neon ___7___ unitard, a half-empty box of ___8___ in one hand and a fifth of ___9___ in the other. Naturally, I got the hell out of there instantly. Upon stepping into the great outdoors, I was amazed by what was before my bloodshot eyes. A group of girls dressed as members of ___10___ 1: Your best friend 2: Era 3: Wild animal 4: Cartoon character 5: Popular party street
, but a ___11___ version, were twerking on the street, clearing still intoxicated. A block down I saw a ___12___ puking in a trash can, the poor freshman. And I almost stepped over a zombie ___13___. They looked so serene in their slumber, I couldn’t dare move them.
and how it’s totally related to global warming, even though now that I think about it, it doesn’t.
When I got to my dorm, I was surprised to see my roommate making out with a ___19___. They asked me to join in and that’s when I knew they were on ___20___ still. I suggested we head to I stopped into ___14___ and noticed a ___15___ the cafeteria and they quickly obliged, comchatting with a ___16___ , and they seemed menting on how good I looked even though I like they were hitting it off. Walking towards my clearly reeked of ___21___ and fried ___22___. dorm, I bummed a cigarette from a ___17___ As I entered the caf, I took in the sights of all my , but it ended up being a joint, which was fine fellow sluggish, hungover peers and got the with me. We started talking about ___18___ chills. I love Halloween.
6: Condiment 7: Color 8: Cereal 9: Novelty liquor 10: Heavy metal band
11) Adorable animal 12: Famous TV show character 13: Very old celebrity 14: Local coffee shop
15: Famous politican 16: Offensive historical figure 17: Overdone Halloween costume
18: Current event 19: Type of athlete 20: Party drug 21: Cheap booze 22: Vegetable
WELCOME BACK, WILDCATS Start your year with a new look! Men: BRING IN THIS AD to get $3 off our $15 cut! Ginger’s Barbershop 212 W Maxwell Street, Lexington 859-254-4464
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