The Black Sheep
FR EE ... lik ec weered !!! it c ar ds !
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @UKBlackSheep
Volume 1, Issue 9 • 3/07/13 - 3/20/13
the bitter truth
of the Sweet Spring Break mary venuto wrote this Ahh, spring break! It’s the highlight of spring semester, isn’t it? Everyone works on their Floridian golden tan whilst sipping on a mimosa with their feet in the sand. Or at least that’s what MTV promised us back in high school. Yet for the majority of us kids spring break never quite turns out as like that crazy adventure of epic proportions we’ve all been dreaming about. A harsh truth that we must learn to accept: spring break is overrated. Most students that attend public state school aren’t even close to that 1% tax bracket. Mitt Romney would gag at the first sight of most of these college students’ bank statements. Some of us can barely scrape up enough money to pay for rent and utilities. Most of us are working shitty jobs for an even shittier hourly wage, and a week of no pay is simply out of the question. So our time-honored, mythic spring break is usually reduced to a front porch and 40oz of whatever bought from that sketchy Thornton’s on Versailles. And at the end of the week everyone’s skin tone is still a gleaming, vampiric shade of pale. Maybe you’re fortunate enough to have parents that had shitty childhoods so they’re determined to give you every experience they never had. You easily work your magic and convince them that spring break is an essential part of a fulfilled college experience. You and a few friends are already packed when someone bails unexpectedly. So now you have to let that second-choice annoying tag-along that everyone hates join in so you all can afford the four-dollars-a-gallon gas expense. Or even worse, maybe one of your idiot friends insists on bringing along their nagging buzz-kill of a significant other. Either way, you’re spending way more than you ever anticipated on alcohol in order to numb the sharp stab of annoyance in the chest whenever said person says or does something stupid. But at least you got a solid base tan. Or perhaps everything goes according to plan. You and your merry band of slackers miraculously make it to Miami in record time. The hotel is just shady enough for you guys to get away with your flagrant binge drinking. It’s even within walking -- err, stumbling distance to the beach! But just as you finish packing your cooler with all the necessities (hooch, water, crackers, hooch) you notice your buddy passed out on the couch. And
La Vie Est Un Reve: The Black Sheep Does Spring Break
just like that your spring break now turns into a scene from Weekend at Bernie’s. You’ll be damned if this asshole can’t get their shit together. You guys prop them up on a lounge chair, but they still manage to fall out. And of course the beach is crawling with cops just waiting to fill their quota by busting dipshit college kids for public intoxication. You decide to take your friend to the hotel room where they proceed to blow chunks all over the bathroom floor. On top of it all you forget to pack sunscreen. Your skin tone redefines “lobster red.”
what'’s inside
The Black Sheep Presents: Taking A Peek Into Our Minds
For those of you who aren’t going on spring break, don’t berate yourself too hard. The modern college spring break is a farce and a scam -- a creation of advertising executives and MTV producers. Why not just skip the cops and sunburns and take it easy up here in the scenic splendor of Fayette county. And if you’re still hung-up on the dream of sun and surf, The Black Sheep suggests you just fill up your bath tub or baby pool. Your drunk self won’t know the difference.
Advantages of the TwoWeek Notice
How does our staff spend their break? Not how you'd assume...
Typical thoughts from students, professors, and Campus Police.
Quitting can be fun, enjoy the benefits!
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