The Black Sheep FR
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Lik wi e Jo sh rd es an he J wa effer s. so
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 2 11/8/12 - 11/14/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheeplsu
50 Shades of Late
Justin Calais wrote this
The LSU bus drivers’ “I got better things to do than make sure you get to your destination” attitude is the ultimate turn-on for the horny LSU student populous. Nothing’s better than seeing two buses full of students go by, knowing you’ll have to wait another 20 minutes for a driver to meander his fat ass into a seat to start his route. How can anyone not feel the tingling sensation down under as they watch bus drivers smoke their cigarettes and chat with other bus drivers as the precious minutes tick away? After being on the bus counting down the precious minutes until you’re home from class; it’s time for a cold shower to calm the raging hormones and throbbing erections. Yes, waiting for the bus is like riding the steamin’ semen roadway all the way to Pleasure-ville. It’s understandable that bus drivers need a 20-minute smoke break after those 15-minute route quickies on the giant purple phall-bus. After all, driving around campus engorges the sex organs like you wouldn’t believe. We should commend them for only taking 30 minutes to replenish their energy before another round. Driving their routes feels so good on their naughty bits that they have to stop to tell all their fellow drivers about it. People need to understand that driving the buses is not just about getting people where they have to go; it’s about heightened arousal for nymphomaniacs garbed in Tiger Trail livery. Sure, the bus drivers claim to wait so they’re not close to another bus on the same route, but they’re simply lying. These sex fiends are secretly super horny. They really want to move, but can’t because they’re about to shoot a quivering mound of love pudding everywhere. Their throbbing members are ready to burst at the slightest sexual sensation. The best bus rides are the ones where you have someone’s ass in your face. It’s like a bus-riding mega-orgy, all musty, crowded, and sizzling. Who doesn’t like the smell of unwashed ballsack in the morning? After the bus has been stagnant for half an hour while Bobby Busdriver tames his tallywacker, we are all patently waiting for some sexual direction from our fearless leader. The anticipation is almost too much to bear.
Don’t hate the player, change your lane
And when bus drivers really want to turn the sexy up a notch they begin treating students rudely. It lights our fire when they leave all of our good morning greets ignored. It’s even hotter when they don’t even look in the student’s direction; only focusing on busting a nut while trying not to kill fifty LSU students. The lack of friendly reciprocation has nothing to do with a bad attitude; they’re just currently engaged in a bus-gasm. Those bus drivers who can say good morning aren’t doing it right, since they have time to talk when the sex…uh, route… is so good there are no words that need to be spoken.
what’s inside The penis Monologues
How Gotye helped cause a hangover.
what’s the deal with waist bands? they’re killing me!
page 4
page 6
So let’s applaud these sex gods for what they are: campus’s true sexual mercenaries. Shame on those so-called “good” bus drivers who don’t make us wait on campus, they just kill the mood. Everyone knows the best part of sex is the foreplay. Tease us a little more, bus driver, we welcome the sexual anticipation. It’s okay for you to get up and stretch, exposing that erotic hairy ass in those belted khaki pants. But don’t wait too long, because when you step on the bus – that’s when the real fun begins.
What are you going to do with that?
Why did I major in English? Oh, because I love to answer this question.
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