Michigan State - Issue 11 - 10/30/2013

Vol. 9, Issue 11

The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

fre

e... aft like P er th aul e g Buny am e. an

10/31/13 - 11/7/13

the special muck fichigan issue

BY: Zoe Kremke Deep beneath Spartan Stadium, the League of Spartan Elite sat around their stone table. Torches flickered on the walls, causing the barrels of malt liquor to glitter invitingly. Mark Dantonio dipped his emerald and diamond goblet into one of the barrels, filling it and bringing it to his lips. Taking a handsome gulp, he sighed, “The time has come, once again, for us to compete against University of Michigan.”

The obvious had been addressed, and the fury in the room was palpable. Izzo slammed his fist onto the granite table, unfazed by the pain that would have left a mere mortal with a broken hand.

Magic Johnson rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “We must exert our dominance…” he stared off into the distance pensively.

“But what can we possibly do that which hasn’t been done before? We can’t half ass this, for the sake of our pride.”

Zeke the Wonder Dog, wearing a golden crown, barked in agreement.

Sitting quietly under the shadows of these legends, the newest member to the League, Mike Sadler, leaned forward. “We must capture a wolverine,” his voice was clear and beautiful, embodying all past, present, and future Spartans. The League was shocked and silent. This was the most brilliant idea that ever had come to pass.

“This year has been particularly tense, what with that sky writing shit,” Izzo growled, a vein pop“This year has been ping in his forehead, “It’s time we make it particularly tense, what with known to the world that we are the best, that sky writing shit, It’s time and we are not to be we make it known to the world messed with.”

“ We will send Sparty,” Dantonio nodded gravely, bolstering Sadler’s plan.

that we are the best, and we messed with.”

From across the taare not to be ble, Lou Anna K lightly cleared her throat. Izzo and Dantonio froze in the face of their leader, waiting for her to speak. “I believe you gentlemen are correct,” Lou Anna said, cooly. A fly buzzed near her face, and in a smooth motion, she crushed it with one hand. “It’s time to defeat the Wolverines once and for all, in true Spartan fashion. I trust you all to come up with a plan that shows both our ferocity and cunning. Do not disappoint me.” With this, she stood from the table, her heels clicking on the marble floor as she made her exit.

“This will prove once and for all that we’re better than those unshowered greaseballs who dare to call themselves human,” muttered Izzo.

their plan with Sparty, and before they had time to wish him luck, he was off like a shot, running towards the U.P. Sparty knew that he had to be efficient if he was going to capture a wolverine in time for the game.

Magic raised his goblet in a toast, “To Michigan State!” he exclaimed. “Now, off to wake Sparty!”

A few days had passed, and alas, the Michigan game was upon us. The League was gathered in the locker room of Spartan Stadium. “Where could he possibly be?!”

Izzo yelled.

The League went to travel through the steam tunnels towards the Breslin Center, where Sparty slept in a beautiful chamber. When the League arrived, Sparty was already awake, working out while reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet. They shared

page 6

“He will come,” said a confident Sadler.

“He’d better,” said a voice from the shadows. Lou Anna K emerged from the corner

of the room, making Magic jump.

“Jesus, Lou Lou, you scared the piss out of us,” Dantonio said, showing literally no fear despite his prior statement.

“Where is Sparty?” Lou Anna K. glared at the League.

Suddenly, Sparty came crashing down the stairs, glistening with glory and sweat. Behind him was a ferocious wolverine, being led by a green and white leash and collar.

Sparty patted the wolverine’s head and gave him a treat.

“My God!” Izzo exclaimed. “Sparty has

both captured and trained this wolverine.

This plan has gone better than we ever could have imagined.”

“I am pleased, Sparty,” Lou Anna K. cracked a smile for the first time since she was a wee little tot on the crisp shores of Normandy.

Proudly, the League followed Sparty and his wolverine onto the field. The stadium fell quiet, awe-struck that Sparty was capable of such a feat. Sparty marched towards the student section, raised his fist, and was met with a deafening roar.

“I knew he would do it,” Sadler muttered to himself, “Spartans will.”

page 7

page 9

THe Diary of Paul Bunyan

From Walmart to K-Mart

Paul Bunyan’s heartfelt plea to Michigan State. Come home, paul!

One fan’s journey to his favorite places to buy U of M gear.

Fugitive Friend in Ann Arbor

Keep Up With Us! @BlackSheep_MSU • theblacksheeponline.com

How to hide your friend from the Ann Arbor PD (it’s not that hard).

THE

RIGHTCHOICE. Everything you need, everything you want & a few extra surprises—ALL RIGHT HERE.

• Individual Leases

• Cable w/HBO

• 24-Hour Maintenance

• Fitness Center

• Computer Lab

• Conference & Study Rooms

• Game Room

• Fully Furnished Units

• Private Washer & Dryer

• Free Tanning

• Community-Wide WiFi

• Walking Distance to Campus

H U R R Y ! S PA C E S A R E F I L L I N G FA S T !

SAVE $125!

When you mention this ad on your tour. www.LiveCampusVillage.com | CFacebook.com/CVatMSU | M@CVatMSU 517.337.1700 | 1151 Michigan Avenue | East Lansing, MI 48823

Tweet Us @Blacksheep_msu

#goodtimes

Did you find that Halloween surprise I left in your mailbox?

It’s gooier inside than you are.

Word

Tweet Us @Blacksheep_msu

Miraculush A man or woman who can hold their liquor beyond any reasonably human level.

“The group knew Dino was a miraculush when he crushed a case of PBR before spending the rest of the night ripping shots at a bar.”

of the

Week Guess

The Mascot Tweet Us @BlackSheep_MSU First right answer wins a prize!

Seriously?

DON’T MESS AROUND WITH

#BADTIMESMAN Tweet us your creepiest, most hilarious, most perverted, most raunchy (or all of the above) pick-up lines to @BlackSheep_MSU #BadTimesMan

If yours proves to be the weirdest, you’ll win a prize and be featured in next week’s issue!

Last Week’s Answer: Oklahoma State’s Pistol Pete

The Black Sheep

Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved.

Tweet your answer @BlackSheep_MSU and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!

Nose, eyes and mouth absent, this 36th chamber member meets Atlanta rapper with a 36-inch chain.

Last Week’s Answer: Ryan Reynolds Wrap

Around campus send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

from the tweets If you could travel back in time exactly one year to this day, what would you tell yourself?

tweet us your answer!

@blacksheep_msu 04

What to Expect:

Tailgating with Michigan Students

The

Top

Ten

Football Teams that are Better Than U of M By: Zoe Kremke

Game day is upon us, fellow Spartans, and whether you’ll be in the stands, cheering us on in Dublin, or passed out in a ditch (we know you’re there in spirit), it’s time to come together… against University of Michigan. What better way to bond than over the single most deeply upsetting enemy we all have in common? The good news is the Wolverines stink, and not just literally. Here is a list of ten collegiate level football teams that are better than U of M. 10.) Notre Dame: It pains us to say it, but as much as we hate those folks from South Bend and their God fearing pansy-ass mascot, they’re still better than the Wolverines.

9.) University of Toronto: Yeah, the Canadians made the list. If the Canadians can play football better than you, it’s time to reevaluate your life choices. And the funny thing is, despite playing whatever backwards, maple syrupy futeball they play, they’re still better than U of M. 8.) Fairmont East High School: The high school alma mater of the big man himself, Brady Hoke. Allegedly the 1976 Fairmont East High School football team was just awful when he was playing for them. Now admittedly, picturing Hoke lumbering down a field is difficult to do, so it’s unfair to assume he was literally the worst football player in the history of high school football. And now that he’s gone, we’re pretty sure his old high school would and could beat the shit out of him.

7.) Western Michigan University: These Broncos trample the weak Wolverines every damn time. Devin Gardner probably can’t even locate Kalamazoo on his mitten-Michigan-hand, much less a map.

6.) Ferris State University: What? Ferris State makes the cut? Duh. Firstly, their mascot is Brutus the Bulldog, which is infinitely cooler than a Wolverine. Wolverine’s aren’t even edgy, whereas a bulldog? Those guys are intimidating as hell.

By: Bob Rodriguez MSU students are the nicest around. Sure we might occasionally set things on fire, poke fun at our president who looks like a Canadian pimp, or mention in passing that the new art museum is really just a new hub for the homeless, but we do it out of love. Because we are so loving, we invite the dirty hippies from downriver who call themselves U of M students to tailgate with us. You might be wondering: What self-respecting Spartan would ever willingly invite Satan’s minions to our most sacred Sabbath?

Well, it’s like Jesus said, “thou shalt invite old fake friends from high school to tailgate with current real friends because it’s just considered polite, bro.” Also, there is a small part of us that loves to laugh at the featherweight drinkers that are Wolverines. Just like our own lives changed since we got our first fake and spent nights memorizing the attributes of our new astrological symbol, chances are your old high school friend has changed since he or she decided to start wearing piss-yellow while staying in to read women’s lit on the weekends. We’ve put together a brief guide on what to expect when you greet the invaders as they cross into Spartan country: Personal hygiene: On the whole, are Wolverines full of themselves? Yes. Are they the uggos of the Big Ten? Of course. The list goes on. We all know that Michigan students are generally pretentious virgins.

However, recent trends also indicate that Wolverines are just plain filthy, in the most literal sense of the word. Since the Great Recession, it’s become “hip” to be a new-age hippie. So when your old buddy from high school rolls up, it’s likely he or she will be smelling to the high heavens like John Goodman after a long summer hike through a garbage factory and looking like Ke$ha after a week-long bender.

They might even have developed natural dreads.

A quarter-life crisis: If we had a nickel for every Michigan student we’ve met who was in some way sexually confused, well, we’d have a lot of nickels.

We’re talking about the 30% of Michigan students who have lost their virginities and now just can’t decide whether they fancy themselves a hotdog or a taco. Is there anything wrong with a twentysomething female experimenting with another female? Absolutely not — it’s what America was built on. Is there anything wrong with some good old dude-loving? Nope.

Spartans are significantly less likely to make it weird for everyone by openly announcing our random sexual experiences and/or making a pros and cons list on the library whiteboard. With our Wolverine friends, however, chances are their sexual confusion is going to be long and drawn out, stemming from a need to differentiate themselves from everyone else, as if their stench wasn’t enough to begin with.

Yes, Michigan fans have somehow found a way to swing both ways and still never get laid.

5.) Ohio State University: U of M’s so-called “rivalry” isn’t really a competition. The Buckeyes merely honor the tradition of playing a fellow Midwestern team, in the same way U of M grandmas honor their tradition of buying a bucket Christmas turkey for “the help.”

4.) Vanderbilt University: When they’re not busy being better than University of Michigan in medicine, research, and all that other science mumbo jumbo, they’re kicking ass and taking names on the field. Can you name the last time a U of M attendee kicked anyone’s ass? We didn’t think so.

3.) Massachusetts Institute of Technology: We’re not even sure if MIT has a football team, much less anyone who bothers to care what football is. Either way, if MIT fielded a team to meet U of M on the field, we know MIT would calculate their way to victory, then onward into the panties of Michigan’s five aboveaverage ladies.

2.) Faulkner University: Ever heard of these guys? Apparently they’re one of the smallest colleges in the United States, located in Alabama. And since they have a team of humans who wear football pads and run around, they rank better than the Wolverines.

You’re going to have to leave them somewhere: After a few beers, your Michigan friends are going to be hammered, while your fellow Spartan tailgaters might have a bit of a buzz on. At some point, your Michigan friends are going to have to puke and call it a weekend, inevitably missing the game they came for. Find the finest port-a-potty in the immediate area, tell them it’s your dorm room (their inherent arrogance will believe you), and then head toward the stadium because you’re home free. Your friends will find out where they are and where to go eventually, if only by following the scent of other Wolverines.

One of the best things about Spartans is our ability to embrace others. We might lovingly chant “asshole” over and over again at a fan of the opposing team, but damn it if we’re not getting everyone drunk then we’ve done something horribly wrong. Your best bet on game day is to buy the cheapest case of beer you can find, invite your Michigan friends, and then laugh at their expense. Just know what you’re getting yourself into.

1.) Michigan State University: Did we really need to say it? We hike between Akers and Holden on a daily basis, and we hit the gym so hard that any U of M competition would die of cardiac arrest trying to keep up. Their skimpy hippie asses probably don’t even lift. If you gathered a league of Spartans who’d never touched a football in their life, we’d still put the U of M football team to shame. Not that that scenario would ever be possible, as all Spartans have tossed around the pig skin at least once because we’re 100% all-American college students who drink more than a Russian mob boss and have more sex than a California porn star. So, the “question” of whether or not we are better than U of M on the field isn’t really a question at all. Of course we are.

05

read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com

the Diary of

Paul Bunyan By: MSU Staff Dear Diary, It’s me, Paul. It’s been nearly a year since Babe and I have been held captive in the Michigan locker room, or at least I think so. I’ve lost track of time, whatever time is. Everything seems overwhelming — my retinas are quickly dissolving from the overabundance of highlighter-yellow.

worst. Sometimes at night he comes into the locker room when everyone is gone. He turns on Cher and strips naked, covering his body in barbeque sauce and touching himself as he stares into Babe’s empty eyes. It’s downright disgusting. How does he even find time to purchase all that barbeque sauce? I don’t know how much more we can take.

Their pre-game traditions are horrifying. They smell each other’s jock straps three times an hour, even after they’ve put them on. Devin Gardener gives the whole team reach-arounds and uses bacon grease as lube. What a waste of good bacon grease. Maybe that’s why he can’t hold onto the ball.

“I miss Sparty, Diary. I miss his dark hazel eyes penetrating my mythological soul and making me feel whole again.

I’m trying to stay strong, I am Paul Bunyan after all.

It’s just so hard, standing here in this glass case (that they don’t even wash, by the way) with Babe, holding this fake smile day after day. I see their faces, I see how they look at me. They think they own me. They don’t respect my heritage, they just want to rub their greasy hands all over my luscious, sculpted body. I’m more than just my looks, you know.

The big one, the one they call “coach,” he’s one of the

Sometimes I go to my happy place, I go to East Lansing. I picture myself in Spartan Stadium, breathing the fresh air and staring at a thousand pairs of glorious titties as my good friend Coach Mark hoists me above his head. I imagine grinning this same grin at the entire Michigan team as the

Spartans carry me into the tunnel and place me safely on my rightful podium. It seems as though it was just yesterday… a faint dream.

both know where we belong. We both know where these stories are real, the U of M cavemen cannot make us forget. It’s who we are.

I miss Sparty, Diary. I miss his plush fingers and his smooth yet firm muscles. I miss his scent. I miss how we used to talk about catching northern pike with our bare hands and making bonfires on cold summer nights. I miss his dark hazel eyes penetrating my mythological soul and making me feel whole again.

Diary, I’m writing you to say that I don’t think I can take much more of this. If Michigan State doesn’t reclaim me as their own I’m going to lose it. I’ve actually been losing beard hair—I didn’t even know that was possible. I’m a trophy, for God’s sake. If I have to use my axe, I will.

Babe misses… well, the babes. On a nightly basis he complains that Michigan’s facilities smell like a truck stop bathroom. He talks all day of a place where the yoga pants are without the slightest wrinkle, the slightest indents of cottage cheese. He tells stories of feeling appreciated and loved, stories of hope, hope that is so easily dashed in this tenth circle of Hell. We

Give me the strength of a Spartan, Mark. Bring me home.

Bring me home.

With earnest sincerity, Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox

Meeting Up with Your Old Buddy

who resides in Ann Arbor By: Garrison Rasmussen As our lives unfold into little more than sleeping until 2:00 p.m. on Thursdays, only to wake up from our lethargic state to loyally attend Burgerama, we begin to notice some friendships slipping away through our fingers like the delicate touch of that sorority chick you totally boned before getting her number. We all know which friendships we’re talking about — the ones with our former high school buddies who now attend that “prestigious” school, U of M. They stopped returning phone calls, and things got a little weird when you burned a U of M flag in your front yard at a party, but you know what? You are a Spartan, and you are better than letting a friendship die over a school feud. So, you make the drive to Sleezetown, a.k.a. Ann Arbor, with hope in your heart and beer in your passenger seat.

“Oh hey, man!” you say excitedly, happy that you’re finally hanging out with your old pal. “I haven’t seen you in forever! How’s life?”

“How is my life?” he questions, always asking easy rhetorical questions to appear like a philosopher. “How is my life? My old friend, my life simply is.”

Seeing how he is deciding to speak as a biblical deity, you decide to shoot for a more personal question, something that may trigger him back down to homosapien status. “You know man, I was just remembering that time we were all playing football at the park. Remember how high Jimmy jumped to catch that last second touchdown that won us the game?”

“Oh, right, Jeremy Gallon can totally catch a pass!” he says, eyes regarding the horizon, looking for a deeper meaning, somehow finding a way to brag about a team that lost to unranked Penn State in the process. “Have you seen his stats on the year? He was voted Big Ten player of the week, although let’s face it, he practically has the Heisman wrapped up this year, if not for the distinct plays of Devin Gardner, the definite winner.”

“Uhh, okay…,” you say, trailing off as if you’re surprised the conversation has already tipped toward Michigan football. You crack a beer, ready for the fight that is inevitably going to ensue. “Well, that guy is pretty crazy.

I was watching Jeremy Gallon highlights at the bar the other night. He’s a pretty good receiver,” you say, trying to at least appeal to his vanity and prevent him from going off. But it’s to no use.

“Pretty good?!” he exclaims, finally acknowledging the pertinent subject you’ve chosen to talk about. “I know that Desmond Howard played at Michigan, but Gallon is clearly the most talented player in the game, hands down. He’s basically already been signed to a $45 million annual contract by the Jacksonville Jaguars, IF he decides he wants to play for them.

Obviously a player with that skill should only have the best surrounding players, and he deserves to win a ring with the best quarterback of all time in the NFL, Tom Brady…”

“Okay dude, I get it!” you exclaim, frustrated with yourself for even coming here, and for ever thinking football would be a respectable conversation piece with this brainwashed moron. “Moving on, how are your folks? Is your brother still doing well?”

“My brother?” he questions, scoffing at your comment, “my brother, the cretin who went to MSU: farm school USA? Yes, I’m sure he’s enjoying life shoveling shit on a cow farm for a living.”

“Hey, man! Farming isn’t all that bad. We need it to live. We need to have food you know?” You feel the blood boiling in your veins, how dare he insult your college’s heritage.

“Food? Who needs food? I’m on a perpetual fast.” he boasts, plowing through all logic like an unstoppable maize-colored locomotive. “Clearly the only careers that matter in this life are offered at the University of Michigan. Have you heard about how our law school is ranked in the top ten in the nation? It should be ranked first, obviously, but you know how those pretentious East Coast folks can be.”

You roll your eyes, and immediately take your beer and leave. There’s nothing that can be done to salvage this friendship—you’ve lost a good one to the Wolverines. But you will move forward with your glorious life as a Spartan knowing that you are the better person for trying to save him.

download our free iphone and android app

From Walmart

to k-mart By: Gavin O’Mara Tom Johnson, resident of Levington, a small town located in Northern Michigan, is an avid U of M fan. In honor of next week’s game, The Black Sheep decided to investigate what life is like for Wolverine fans like Tom, and what rooting for Michigan really means to them. Tom asked that we withhold his name, but we assured him that no one cared who he was. The following is Tom’s story.

“My dad always told me why we root for Michigan,” Tom explained. “One day he was stuffing his face at a family barbeque and dropped some mustard on his blue shirt. He thought the colors looked good on his gut, and without knowing anything about football, or collegiate athletics in general, he decided that day to become the biggest die-hard Wolverine he could possibly be.”

Therefore Tom has been a die-hard Michigan fan since birth, despite the fact that none of his family has ever attended the school… or even college. In fact, none of the Johnsons have lived within

200 miles of Ann Arbor. For example, his family has purchased their Michigan gear and beef jerky from the same WalMart for over 20 years. In fact, Levington’s economy is based entirely on that single Wal-Mart. That, and deep-fried turkey hearts.

“That store had the best selection, camouflage Michigan jerseys for days,” Tom recalled. “My favorite was the Denard Robinson shoelace shirt. Wait, no. I bought this watercolor painting of Bo feeding Brady Hoke chicken wings for $40 last week. What a steal!”

When asked about Hoke, Tom’s eyes widened. “Oh man, one time he came to town himself! Well, actually he just got lost on his way to Traverse City, but we still let him bang our wives.”

Tom went on the explain how he takes pride in the fact that his hometown set a record last year for having the most manponytails per capita in the nation.

As he struggled to pronounce “capita,” Tom’s mood shifted.

He glanced at the floor and began to explain how one day, several months ago, his life changed forever.

“That day Sir Hoke came to town I’s just walkin’ along to Wal-Mart to get my weekly pound of jerky and a case of energy drinks when I seen him pull into the new K-Mart acrossed the street,” Tom paused. “I seen him walk right in, and walk out several hours later with some loofas, a Hawaiian mu-mu, and some beach toys…

I knew I had to change my ways, if Brady’s a K-Mart man, so is I.”

After that fateful day, Tom began frequenting K-Mart, and has since been shunned from his pro-Wal-Mart family, who doesn’t “believe for a danged second that Brady Hoke, the father of our children, would go to K-Mart.” They refuse to speak

IF YOU DON’T START FOLLOWING US

WELL, YOU’LL JUST BE

MISSING OUT.

@BLACKSHEEP_MSU HEY, STALK US ON FACEBOOK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT:

FB.COM/THEBLACKSHEEP99

to Tom until he returns to his Wal-Mart roots. Tom says that he and a small group of K-Mart loyalists now have to watch the games together. They call themselves the K-Mart Krazies, not because it’s fun and original, but because they don’t know how to spell “crazy.”

“I feel like the upcoming generation of Wolverine fans will start to slowly shift towards K-Mart. I mean the place is just higher class, you know? Sure, the ponytail styling selection may not be as good, and they don’t sell Billy Graham books on tape, but the atmosphere is incredible.

They even let us watch the first half of the UCONN game in there, until they told us we smelled like a bottle return and kicked

us out.”

Tom hopes to make it down to a game eventually. Note that, to maintain our journalistic integrity, we did not break it to him that this would never happen.

“I heard in Ann Arbor, or as I call it ‘Mecca’, there a lot more K-Mart fans. I know that Walmart will always have the hold on Michigan gear, but I would still like to get down there and meet some other Krazies, maybe share some meth for tradition’s sake.

When asked if he planned on returning to his Wal-Mart days, Tom said, “I’ll always be a K-Mart Krazie, but forever GO BLUE!”

The Bar Grid

January 2010 Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm.

$2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.

FOOTBALL SATURDAY SQUARE PEGZ Jerry Sprague Before the Game DJ Lee Post Game Doors Open at 11:00 AM - Tailgate Buffet + Regular Menu Game at 3:30 - MSU vs Michigan

THURS: HALLOWEEN PARTY! No Cover!

Burger Bash 3-8PM: 1/2 off All Wells, Calls, Pints, Bottles, Pitchers, Shots and Bombs! $2.50 ALL Call Drinks, $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Lite and Rolling Rock Bottles, $2.50 Call Drinks, $3.50 Long Islands, $2.50 SoCo Lime and Kamikaze shots

Halloween Party Thursday!

Specials Run Open to Close Monday - Sunday!

Go Green! Go White!

HALLOWEEN PARTY DJ LEE Spooktacular Magic with Jeff the Magician $3.50 You-Call-It $3.50 Scary Shots

HALLOWEEN PARTY! No Cover! Burger Bash 3-8PM: 1/2 off All Wells, Calls, Pints, Bottles, Pitchers, Shots and Bombs $2.50 ALL Call Drinks, $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Lite and Rolling Rock Bottles, $2.50 Call Drinks, $3.50 Long Islands, $2.50 SoCo Lime and Kamikaze shots

Annual Halloween Party 9pm-Close Great Specials Costume Contest! $2 Domestic Pints & Wells, $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints, $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads, $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

TGI FRIDAY BOOGIE DYNOMITE DJ Lee 6 - 10 PM $3.00 Bacardi and Stoli $3.50 Selected Shots

BEAT MICHIGAN

$2 Domestic Pints & $4 Bombs, $3 Captain & Bacardi Drinks, $2 Washington Apple Shots, Cheeseburger Combo/Falafurger Combo w/Pitcher $11 Dom/$13 Craft

Sat. 11/2

Satisfaction Saturday! *Ladies Night~ Every Thursday!

Live DJs All Night Long $2.50 Pints and $3.50 Calls

$3.50 Pints of Coors Lt, Miller Lite, Bud

Light, Labatt Blue Light $3.50 Well Liquor DJ Beats

FOOTBALL SATURDAY SQUARE PEGZ Jerry Sprague Before the Game DJ Lee Post Game Doors Open at 11:00 AM - Tailgate Buffet + Regular Menu Game at 3:30 - MSU vs Michigan

IT’S A GREAT DAY TO BE A SPARTAN! DOORS OPEN AT 10AM, GO GREEN!!!

Open At 10am! Go Green! Beat U of M! $5 Domestic & $7 Craft/Premium Pitchers, $5 16oz Long Islands, $5 22oz Dead Guy Ales, $2 SoCo Limes, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our "Other" Wines , $12.95 Surf N Turf, $2 off All Veggie Entrees

Sun. 11/3

Harper’s Half Off Wednesday The Lowest Prices In East Lansing

$3 Bloody Marys $3 Mimosas $3.00 ALL Draft Pints $8 Burger and Pint Special

Sunday Funday! $2.00 Pints open til 7 ½ off Adult Beverages & Pizza 7- close $4 Medium/$8 Large Pizzas

Closed to watch last week’s Lion’s game again...CJ ALL DAY! Please call (517) 332-2959 for Bar Crawls Live entertainment 6 nights/week

$3 Managers Choice Craft Beer Pints, $3 16oz Oasis Bloody Marys & Mimosas, $6 Oasis Margarita Pitchers $3.50 Oasis Margarita Glasses $2 Well Whiskey Drinks $5 Off Kabob Combos For Two & $2 Off Veggie Sampler Appetizers

$4 Domestic Pitchers $5 Premium Pitchers $3 Blue Shots

$2 Domestic Bottles $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Bottles $4 Featured Martinis $2.50 Glasses of House Wine $6 1/2 Lbs. Cheeseburger & Falafurger Combo

SPECIAL NIGHT Thur.

10/31 Fri. 11/1

Wednesday Daily Specials: Satisfaction Saturday!

Monday 9pm-Close $2.50 - Pints Live DJs All Night Long $2.50 – Call Drinks Tuesday 9pm-Close $2.50 Pints and $3.50 Calls 6 $2.00 – Well Drinks

Irish Happy Hour: 4-7pm Friday (except: Saturday Everyday!

Wed.)

31 of Guinness, 1 Harp, Smithwicks 2 $3 Pints DJ Beats (Front Bar) Global Village and Bass, $5 Car Bombs, $3 Jameson, DJ Minze (Back Bar) Bushmills, John Powers, 7 8 9 $3 Wells, Half-off Potato Skins, Irish NaDJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) The Whirly Birds chos and Chicken Thumbs DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

$3.00 – Premium Drafts

$4.00 - Irish Car Bombs Wednesday 9pm-Close $2.00 – Domestic Drafts

$2.50 – Well Drinks $3.00 – Bombs Thursday 9pm-Close $2.50 – Pints

$2.50 – Call Drinks

Friday 9pm-Close

$3.50 – All Pints $3.00 – Well Drinks Saturday 9pm-Close $3.50 – All Pints

$3.00 – Well Drinks

Sunday All Day $3.00 –Bloody Mary & Mimosas $3.00 – Pints

$8.00 – Burger, Fries & Pint Every Day

$3.00 – Kamikaze Shots

$4.00 – Pinnacle Bombs

Thursday

DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

13

Book Harper’s & RUSH Special Events 20 B-Days, Graduation, and Greek Functions!

14

27

Free Cover! $2.50 Beers, Pints, Wells $2.50 Washington Apples, Johnny Vegas, Soco Limes, Kamikazes

15

16

Ladies DJ Beats (Front Bar) Night: 1/2 Price Drinks!, DJ Minze (Back Bar) The Ice Boxers

$2 Coors Light, 21 22 23 Miller Lite, Labatt

DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) STAR FARM and Bud Light Drafts DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $3 Bud Light Platinums DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

28 DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

9pm – Close Every Day ½ Off – Potato Skins Hush Puppies & Onion Rings

29 DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

30

DJ Beats

$3.50 Pints of Coors Lt, Miller Lite, Bud Light, Labatt Blue Light, $3.50 Well Liquor, DJ Dublin Square Irish Pub 327 Abbott Rd D Donnie East Lansing MI 48823

For More Information Contact Us: (517) 351­2222 www.dublinsquare.net Or Text: “Dublin Square” to 839863 for specials & updates.

Mon. 11/4

Follow us on Twitter! @HarpersMSU

$2 Bottles of Miller Lite, Bud Light, Coors Lt, Labatt Blue Light, $2 Wells

No Cover! $3 Burgers $2 Pints, $3 Long Islands, & $3 Washington Apples (7 til close)

Tues.

11/5

Book Harper’s & RUSH For Fundraisers, Meet and Greets, Barcrawls!

$2 Wells $3 All Pints $4 Pitchers of Labatt DJ Juan Trevino

$2.00 Taco Bar (All-You-Can-Eat) $2.75 Tequila $2.75 Margaritas $3.75 Pitchers

NO COVER! $2.50 ALL Call Drinks $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Lite and Rolling Rock Bottles, $2.50 Call Drinks, $3.50 Long Islands, $2.50 SoCo Lime and Kamikaze shots

$3 Made-in-Michigan Beers (Bottles and Pints), $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses of All, Our Made in Michigan Wines, $6 Pitchers of Oasis Mai Tai's, $3.50 Glasses of Oasis Mai Tai's, $3 Off Select Appetizers

No Cover! $2.50 Bud Lite and Budweiser Bottles, $2 Wells, $3 White Gummy Bears

$2 Off Pitchers Of Beer, $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands, $6 Oasis Sangria Pitchers, $3 All Mediterranean Beer & Booze, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our Mediterranean Wines, $2.49 Falafel Sandwiches $5.99 Mediterranean Pizzas

Wed. 11/6

Like us on Facebook!

1/2 Off Night DJ Juan Trevino

$1.75 House-Brewed Pints, $2 Shots, $2.25 Cocktails, $0.25 Boneless 1oz Wings, $4 Medium & $7 Large Cheese Pizza, $3 Burgers No Cover - Live Entertainment!, Live Music + DJs Starting at 6PM!

Thur.

11/7

Book Harper’s & RUSH Special Events B-Days, Graduation, and Greek Functions!

Ladies Night: 1/2 Price Drinks!, $2 Coors Light, Miller Lite, Labatt and Bud Light Drafts $3 Bud Light Platinums

Thirsty Girl Thursday! $2.25 Wells and Beers Live DJ

No Cover! Burger Bash 3-8PM 1/2 off All Wells, Calls, Pints, Bottles, Pitchers, Shots and Bombs $2.50 ALL Call Drinks, $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Lite and Rolling Rock Bottles, $2.50 Call Drinks, $3.50 Long Islands, $2.50 SoCo Lime and Kamikaze shots

$2 Domestic Pints & Wells $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads & $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com

Fugitive Friend in Ann Arbor By: Sam Metry

So your dumbass friend finally went and punched a police officer on his weekend visits to Ann Arbor. You knew this day would come, it was just a matter of time.

He managed to evade Ann Arbor’s finest through some insane luck and is now at your doorstep begging for help. You have a pretty big decision to make here: Do you help you friend or do you let him fend for himself?

What was he even doing in that shithole Ann Arbor, anyway? And being that no one wants to be in Ann Arbor for any extended period of time, it should be assumed that their hippie-beating police force will come searching East Lansing for your fugitive friend.

your friend didn’t get the memo in grade school, but punching a police officer is kind of a big deal. Especially people like the Ann Arbor police, who have probably never taken a real hit in their lives. The cops aren’t just going to let this go. In fact, there’s a poster with your friend’s picture pasted all over every window downtown. Ok, scratch that, there was a poster with your friend’s picture on every street window, but most copies were stolen because you just can’t trust these artsy, fart-smelling Michigan people, who thought it was “collectable street art that [we] just don’t get on the pristine U of M campus”.

Here’s a step-by-step guide of how to keep him, and yourself, under Ann Arbor’s police radar (it has been confirmed U of M’s police radar is merely a dog who barks at the smell of weed).

So, here’s what you do: Get a funnel, find Freddie Freshman, pour some Burnett’s Hot Cinnamon down the funnel. After he’s good and “convincible,” tell him that he will join a long line of legends if he lights a couch on fire in Cedar Village. It shouldn’t be that hard, everything he knew about MSU before coming here came from The State News.

Step One: Get your friend a change of clothes, something that will draw attention, but not in a good way. He needs to look like the kind of hipster who wouldn’t dare insult the Ann Arbor Police. A turtleneck and slacks from Meijer, because by shopping at Meijer you’re being economical but also ironic as hell. Those Wolverine morons eat that stuff up. Basically what you’re trying to do is make him look like the weird kid in your lecture who sits in the front row, smells like chalk, and tries to answer the professor’s rhetorical questions.

Step Two: Find a discreet location to kill some time, somewhere nobody cool would want to hang around, because that’s the first place the po-po will look. Try a local coffee shop, or some sort of “artsy” type restaurant that is outrageously overpriced and has a “kale-only” menu. Do not, we repeat, do not seek refuge in the office of Lou Anna K. Simon. It’s not like a president of a university actually has work to do, so that’s the first place those jealous U of M sons of bitches will try to sniff you out. They know Spartans take care of their own.

Step Three: This is where it gets difficult. Apparently

Step Four: Some of you may be questioning how setting a couch on fire will help your friend out. The last thing that East Lansing and Michigan State needs is another couch burning scattered across national news. So they’ll be going all out to try and stop Freddie and his can of kerosene, all while your friend’s “mishap” with the police will fade into obscurity. It’s also highly likely that U of M cronies across the state will be desperately trying to plaster the “imbecilic, juvenile couch burning incident” all over every news and media outlet to give Spartans a bad rep. This will successfully erase your friend from their minds.

So, there you have it — an easy four-step solution to your friend becoming a safely harbored fugitive from the U of M police force. Remember, when all else fails, tell him to take a shower. Ann Arbor cops are used to tracking down Michigan criminals by the scent of onions and unwashed dreadlocks. Once your friend is minty-fresh, he’ll be virtually invisible.

Halloween Pre-Party at Costume Contests!

Sexiest Costume Most Creative Costume Best Tan In Costume Win A Free Month Of Tanning, Free Lotions, Gift Cards, and More!

5

Victoria’s Secret

Thursday, October 31st J2 Tanning Campus 109 E. Grand River 9pm - 11pm The Black Sheep

download our free iphone and android app

A House Divided By: MSU staff If you’re like most of our readers, you know what it feels like to be dominant. You’re a Spartan. It’s just in your blood. Your boners could cut diamonds, your lady lumps cause traffic accidents. But some of our readers live in a unique scenario, one of awkwardness and family struggle — Spartans related by blood to mangy skunks from Ann Arbor. Some call this scenario “a house divided” but that implies something other than the Spartan sibling winning at everything and anything. We call it “a house tainted.” If you find yourself sharing genes with someone who goes to U of M, don’t panic. Selling them to Mexican organ cartels could get you in a load of legal trouble. Here’s how to handle it.

First and foremost, assert your dominance whenever possible. This means waking up early and putting dirt in the coffee pot instead of coffee beans. It means farting on their pillow at every opportunity. It means never passing up on the opportunity to flip the bowl of Greek yogurt out of their hand and onto their sad, lonely lap.

Once you’ve made it clear to everyone in the household who the hands-down best sibling is, distance yourself from your embarrassing kin. For example, when they come to town to tailgate this weekend, introduce them as “your lame brother/sister” and make sure to add that “they were an accident.” Never let them forget that they’re the crippled Manning no one cares about and you’re Peyton.

Always undermine their abilities in public. If you’re at a restaurant, request a kid’s menu and crayons for your Wolverine sibling. Spoon feed them their food even if they resist, and be sure to spill it all over their clothing (a “Michigan Quidditch” shirt looks better with chili on it anyway). Read menus and signs slowly, annunciating the words for them and helping them sound out hard vowels. Treat Michigan siblings the way the Goonies treated Sloth: lovingly, but with gentle caution.

Never let them behind the wheel. The only thing more dangerous than a Michigan fan on two feet is one behind two tons of metal. Michigan fans have been known to wait for hours at traffic lights because they refuse to “go green.” Furthermore, if they finally do get the car in motion, the basic concepts of “lanes” and “turn signals” are too much for their clogged brains.

Finally, be sure to outshine them every step of the way. Remind your parents that when Eric won’t do the dishes because a re-run of last year’s Final Four is on and he’s too busy crying, Spartans will. Help your Dad assemble that new flat screen because you’re good with your hands, and unlike your sibling, have opposable thumbs.

Most importantly though, remember that it’s not their fault. Wolverines were born that way. They can’t help it that they have an eyebrow, don’t know that wiping isn’t “optional” and no amount of God-awful Adidas gear can cover up their blatant physical shortcomings. Remember these essential facts of living with a Wolverine and you’ll be less likely to sell them on Craigslist for at least three more weeks.

N O W HIRIN W RITING | MARK

ETING | PROMO

APPLY ONLINE AT

G !

TIONS |

SALES

THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

Bartender of the Week Five words to sum up the Neolithic period?: I don’t know WTF that is.

Relationship Status: Single, fly by night Major: Engineering, Death Star construction

Oh, let me get this straight, you want me to do what?: Why are your pants still on?

Favorite Drink: Rumple Minze

How relevant is this conversation?: Considering you’re the only two guys at the bar, very relevant.

Favorite Shot: Rumple Minze Disgusting Drink: Wine

Are you even taking this seriously?: On a scale of 1-10... this is a 10.

Do you think that’s an acceptable answer?: It better be.

Hey, remember Crash Bandicoot?: Yes, but I was a Nintendo boy. I’m old.

Timmy of Dublin Square Drinking Game

What are we going to do about all this blood?: I brought the matches, you brought the gas, right?

What’s your opinion of U of M?: People still go there?

Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because reading makes you more better, smarter.

Recipe for disaster

Pigskins and Puke

Day of the Dead Deep Fry

With football in full swing, everyone’s weekends are filled with television and cases of Bud Light.

Sometimes sitting on your ass all day can get a little boring, so here’s a game to play while watching your team of choice with your buddies.

Even if your trick-or-treating days are over, you’re still bound to stock up on candy on Halloween.

After a few days of gorging on the sweet stuff, even the comfort of a Snickers bar becomes mediocre. Here’s a way to add a unique crunch to your Halloween candy.

What You’ll Need: A table, a piece of paper, 20 red cups, 4 pencils, paper and pen to keep score, and some beers (duh).

Number of Players: Teams of two, and any hot female friends you have to be cheerleaders.

Level of Intoxication: Men don’t puke from a few beers, jeeze.

What You’ll Need: A variety of fun-size candy bars, 1 egg, 1 cup of milk, 1 tablespoon of canola oil, 1 cup flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder, and 4 cups of bubbling oil for deep fried goodness.

Cook Time: 15 minutes Fatty Factor: Your time at the gym this semester will be wasted on just one of these.

How to Play: - Two teams stand at opposite ends of the table, with your partner at your side.

- Each team takes 10 cups and sets them up like a normal pong game.

- Fold the piece of paper into a football like you always did every day in middle school.

- One team starts by flicking the football at the cups at the other end of the table. The goal is to either land the football inside the cup or knock one off the table. Once this happens, that team is awarded 6 points.

- After a touchdown is scored, the opponents lay down two pencils on the table as goalposts.

They can be as close or as far apart as they want (minimum 2 inches apart to be fair). The scoring team has one chance to flick their football to land between the pencils. If they can do so, they earn another point.

- The team who was just scored on now has to drink. If the extra point was missed, drink for 6 seconds. If the extra point was made, finish your beer.

- Keep playing until all the cups on both sides are gone, removing cups pong-style after someone makes a cup or knocks it off the table.

Let’s Get Baked: - Freeze your candy bars for a few hours.

- Combine the egg, milk and canola oil in a bowl.

- In another bowl, combine flour and baking powder.

- Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and whisk.

Cover and refrigerate for a few minutes.

- Heat the 4 cups of oil to 375 degrees in a deep, heavy pot.

- Dip the frozen candy bars into the batter then carefully place into the oil.

- Cook until golden brown, drain on paper towels and let cool a little bit before stuffing your face.

The Game Ends When: All the cups are gone! Add up the points to see who wins.

download our free app for all the games!

Don’t just stop at candy either. Try Oreos, Twinkies, steaks, leftover pizza. Anything you have.

nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com

By: Alex Everard Detroit has seen as many electronic music shows as any city in the world, but Freaky Deaky 2013 was more

than just an electronic music show. The concept of Freaky Deaky involves costume-clad concert goers from all major Midwestern cities flocking to a venue around Halloween each year. This year’s venue was Detroit’s Masonic Temple — definitely a much creepier old building than you’d expect for a concert.

As soon as you entered the Masonic Temple, you stepped foot into a sea of strange. There were sailors, zombies, zombiesailors, video game characters, and of course Miley Cyrus was present, but things got a lot freakier than that. People went all-out, painting faces and dancing in elaborate costumes.

Tokimonsta kicked things off with a high-energy, dub-heavy set that teased the crowd with what was to come. Dressed in a silver spacesuit with circular glasses, even Toki got the memo to be freaky for the night. After her performance, with the crowd on their feet, Kill Paris hit the stage, and that’s when things got confusing. Apparently, Paris thought it would be fun to troll the crowd and pretend he was one of his well-known supporters Dillon Francis. After his first song, he introduced himself to the crowd.

“How’s everyone doing tonight? I’m Dillon Francis, thanks for having me!”

An audible gasp could be heard all the way in the balcony of the Masonic Temple as fans began questioning each other and rushing closer to the stage to see if that was indeed Dillon Francis. Some immediately knew it had to be a prank, while others remained skeptical. Kill Paris fueled the rumors by repeating himself several times throughout his set. It even fooled The Black Sheep, as we tweeted “Is @DILLONFRANCIS really doing a surprise set at Freaky Deaky right now?!” We soon did some research and discovered Francis was in Calgary for the night, concluding that Paris pranked Detroit pretty well. Despite his Halloween trick, Paris delivered a set worthy of the hype. He was no Dillon Francis, but his prank proved to fans that one day he could be just as big.

By the time Danny Brown went on, fans were hyped up and ready to go wild. Brown, a well-known Detroit representative and leader of the Bruiser Brigade, isn’t exactly an electronic artist. However, he opened with some trap jams before going into a hip-hop set laced with electronic influence and plenty of his signature ad libs. Brown’s set served as a break from the bass before GRiZ that saved the faces of most Freaky Deaky fans from melting off.

Then came the calm before the storm. As GRiZ set up, everyone knew what was coming but no one expected it to be as epic as it was. Hitting the stage with his funk-soul-brother Muzzy, a well-known artist in the Detroit scene on his own, GRiZ wasted no time in making the crowd go wild. Muzzy jammed on the guitar while GRiZ alternated between spinning and blaring his saxophone. The musical presence of both artists gave their performance a level of energy and quality that simply couldn’t be matched by any of the other performers.

People came to see GRiZ, but what they got was a mind-blowing musical experience. GRiZ paused in the middle of his set, easily the longest set of the night, to introduce a music video to his song “Hard Times”, shot at Detroit Electronic Music Festival. As the video played on the triangular screens behind him, it was clear that GRiZ prepared this show to be a little something extra. He emotionally declared his love for Detroit before exiting the stage briefly, only to come back for an encore jam of “N*ggas in Paris” with every performer from the event accompanying him on stage. Confetti filled the air and for a moment it seemed as if the Masonic Temple might start to crumble from the volume of the grand finale.

When it was all said and done, the night could be summed up by the words of a man dressed as Pikachu leaving the Masonic Temple: “I can’t wait for Freaky Deaky next year.”

The Black Sheep’s Guide to the 2014

By :B & r qu en in da n n

TOURNAMENT The Black Sheep predicts the

2014 NCAA All Americans: First Team: G: Last Name, First (School) G: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School)-Deceased F: Last Name, First (School)

Second Team: G: Last Name, First (School) G: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School)

Third Team: G: Last Name, First (School) G: Last Name, First (School)-Deceased F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School)

Whew! What a season it’s been! It seemed like just yesterday we were tipping off the 2013-2014 NCAA Men’s Basketball season with a November 8th slate that saw 138 games pitting the nation’s finest young men against each other. The first night’s go-round immediately became the stuff of legend. How could we forget (insert name)’s stellar performance in an unexpected victory over (insert Nov. 8th upset)? Ah, but that was just the first iconic moment in a season that’ll go down in history as one of college basketball’s best ever.

And while those early-season games count, it’s important to look at the recently-ended conference tournaments when filling out your brackets in time for March 18th tip-off in bucolic Dayton, Ohio.

Heading into the season sports pundits nationwide considered Michigan State the cream of the Big Ten crop, but with their narrow (win/loss) to cellar dweller (Big Ten school) last Sunday in Indianapolis, is this team coming into the Big Dance as frigid as Michigan’s recently-turned winter, or as hot as (female celebrity)’s latest antics?

We say it’s safe to plug Michigan State into your elite eight, but be careful, because if things break like The Black Sheep thinks they will, they’ll be facing a hot (mid-major) team that’s been able to smell the blood in the water for these past three months. Now, we’re not saying we see (mid-major) taking down a well-equipped Spartans squad, but if (mid-major) can put up a gutsy fight midway through the second half, (small school)’s shocking upset of (top-5 team) earlier this year shows just about anything can happen in the waning seconds of a college basketball game.

But with Michigan State stronger than it’s

been in years, the rest of the Big Ten took a step back this year, with only (number) teams ranked in the national top 25 by season’s end. That’s why we turn to Kentucky, Kansas and surprise top-10 team Kansas State when looking at this year’s true title contenders. The KKK Klan, as The Black Sheep has begun calling them, has taken the nation by storm in different ways. John Calipari’s Wildcat krew has white washed opponents’ defense with a fast-paced offense run through (Kentucky player), while Bill Self’s Kansas squad has rallied around (Kansas player’s) season-ending (body part) injury, rattling off (number) straight wins after his year came to a close as he was carted off during the (date) game against (opponent). Yes, these teams have proven they were on a whole ‘nother level — as if they were a superior group of humans out there on the court, forcing the other players into submission.

The real surprise of the season, of course, was Bruce Weber’s Kansas State squad. Unranked at the beginning of the year, these KSU Wildcats have built a reputation as one of the nation’s nastiest teams, starting with their early-season dismantling of (ranked team) in front of a national audience. Sure, (date) and (date) missteps against soft teams (soft team) and (soft team), respectively, leave room for doubt, but no one in Manhattan, Kansas is doubting this squad.

Have no hesitation when penciling them in to your sweet sixteen.

And though there are clear lottery picks on stacked big-conference teams, how could we leave out the stellar performances put on by (Pacific northwest school)’s scrappy, three-point gunning, defense-savvy point guard, (name)? This (Canadian city)-born tiny tyrant’s scrappy skill set may inevitably fizzle out in the NBA, but don’t think for a

second his high basketball IQ, unmatched hustle, and all-American smile won’t gutsy his team to the third weekend of the tournament. He’s dragged his team this far on sheer willpower, and there’s no reason to think he can’t do it again.

While Virginia Commonwealth University has been the nation’s darling for the past several seasons, the midseason brawl between coach Shaka Smart and broadcaster (name) that left the booth man hospitalized and the coach suspended indefinitely will surely hurt the Rams’ chances at postseason success. While college basketball fans are divided as to who to blame for the fight, we’ll never forget Coach Smart’s post-fight speech in which he called (name) a “money grubbing, walking penis who knows nothing about basketball.” Barring reinstatement by the university, consider VCU a one-anddone.

Of course, we’d be remiss not to mention the (date) tragedy that saw a hot (school) team lose its entire squad and coaching staff in a horrific plane crash just outside of the Charlotte Douglas International Airport.

The nation watched as (team)’s plane slam dunked onto the runway instead of on the court. Just when they were playing their best basketball, too. A wracked fanbase and devastated families will never know what kind of high-flying hoopin’ the nation missed out on. National Championship chances don’t come around every day, and you’d hate to miss out on one due to something like this.

The Black Sheep will be the first to tell you that a lot can change between Tournament tip-off and the National Championship trophy hoisted high by one team on April 7th in Arlington, Texas. Just know it’s going to be crazy, and you heard it here first.

guess the logo

Do you know the brands that all these labels represent? Send us your answers to backpage@theblacksheeponline.com and if you’re right, you’ll win a sweet prize!

individual leases + fully furnished living rooms + pet friendly + stainless steel appliances

private shuttle to campus + private bed & bathrooms + 2 heated swimming pools + sand volleyball court

thelodgesofeastlansing.com

A PA R T M E N T C O M P L E X

VOTED BEST

A P P LY O N L I N E F O R FA L L 2 0 14

SAVE $200

WITH REDUCED FEES WHEN YOU SIGN TODAY A P P LY O N L I N E @ A B B O T T P L . C O M

APPLY ONLINE FOR FALL 2014 free CATA bus pass • close to campus • individual leases • roommate matching available • fully furnished private bedrooms • private bathrooms available • swimming pool with sun deck • sand volleyball court

abbottpl.com • 2501 Abbot Road • 517.324.9880 Limited time only. See office for details. Rates, & fees are subject to change.