The Black Sheep
FR ho EE. me .. Li co ke mi no ng t v kin ot g ing &q f ue or en !
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 5 10/4/12 - 10/10/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_umn
Battle of the Banks: East vs. West Shannon Ryan wrote this
Hide yo’ kids, and hide yo’ wives. A showdown is brewing ‘round these parts, and shit’s about to get real. It’s like there’s a fire starting in our hearts, reaching a fevered pitch and it’s bringing us out the dark. Well, not actually, but Adele’s lyrics always seem to be applicable, and given the shit show about to go down, they most definitely are. This week’s agenda reads battle of the banks, and it’s not between TCF and US. It’s the East vs. the West. We’ve done some dangerous – too dangerous to go into detail – undercover research to gather the answers you wanted to know, and the winner was barely there, beating the opposing team by the slimmest of margins. Nonetheless, you know what they say: a winner is a winner and a loser smells like dog poo. We judged the banks on three major categories, compiling mini-summaries to be the subjects of judgment. From there, a winner was chosen for each of the categories, and the best two out of three took home the trophy. Let your eyes proceed. Nightlife West Bank: Over on this side o’ the Mississippi you’ll find laid-back, misanthrope-like folk ready to kick it with some live tunes, a PBR and a cigarette – the essentials. Here we’ve got a plethora of places to get freaky in the nighttime: Nomad World Pub, its title reveals much about its clientele; Triple Rock Social Club, where boozin’ and groovin’ and dignity losin’ is rife; Palmer’s Bar, which functions as a second home to the finest of the Minneapolis homeless community; and a lengthy list of others that we’re just too lazy to list. East Bank: The bar options are slim pickins over on this bank. We’ve got Blarney Pub and Grill, which is awesome if you’ve mixed an Adderall with your vodka Red Bull and love grinding; Library Bar, home to the cheapest drinks and cheapest looking people in town; Burrito Loco, known for smelling like the confusing mixture of lush burritos and sweat, and Kitty Cat Klub, fantastic for existential thoughts, beards and not spelling ‘Cat’ with a ‘K.’ Verdict is in guys, and the gold goes to the West on this one. Better luck next round, East. Students West Bank: The West is a much smaller bank academically, and therefore, only a handful of majors call it home. It’s
How Texting is Ruining Our Social Skills
mostly comprised of men and women in the Carlson School of Business and those pursuing a career in theatrics, who find it socially acceptable to paint their faces like trees and bark at the passerby on their morning class commute. The overall vibe is a dizzying sense of an uptight fantasy, guaranteed to make any East Bankin’ head spin. East Bank: Expanding over a much larger area than the West, the East Bank houses a hodge-podge of majors and minors. They range from “I’m-so-out-of-the-box” cultural studies kids to socially incompetent engineers. This bank represents a whole lot of identities; you’re bound to not completely detest at least one. Round two results are in – East Bank takes the cake and eats it, too. We’ve got a tie on our paws. Winner takes all, and loser takes a serious beating.
what’s inside The Halloween Costume Scene
Housing West Bank: Say it with me: crack stacks. Thank the Lord for multi-colored apartment levels filled with bullet shells, blood, and day-old methamphetamine – homey! East Bank: An array of neighborhoods all offering a similar outcome: overpriced and poor quality living! I think we’re all on the same page when choosing this last winner – to the East it is! Life is more important than pinching pennies, c’mon! If you’re keeping score that means the East has won! Rejoice East Bankers and commit Seppuku West Bankers! (The Black Sheep does not condone Seppuku and discourages anyone besides feudal Japanese lords to try it.)
we sit Down with AWOLNATION
"Katrina called me." "She called you? WTF!"
No, you can't pull off sexy Mrs. Potato Head this year.
Aaron Bruno explains the weirdos on his current tour.
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