The Black Sheep
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Vol. 5, Issue 5
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
10/3/13 - 10/9/13
Mingle
With Moodle BY: Megan Felz When it comes to Moodle, the University of Minnesota staff is just never satisfied. It seems as though, you get comfortable with one format right before they rip the rug right out from under you, leaving you in a spiral of betrayal and confusion. It’s like learning Pluto isn’t a planet all over again. First, there was plain ole’ Moodle, then they moseyed on over to Moodle 1.9, then 2, then 2.2, and now it’s 2013 and Moodle 2.4 reigns supreme.
Whiz straight out of the can and watching the original Air Bud movie an inordinate amount of times, there’s going to be someone out there who’ll gladly join you. You’ve got your eHarmony, your Christian Mingle, Adult Friend Finder, even a Senior People Meet site, so it’s about time that The U catered to what students really came to college for.
To begin the process, students will be asked a Meanwhile, here you are, basking in the glory of series of questions that may or may not be unthe 21st century and all of the different flavors comfortable, as well as mentally and physically of froyo that it has to offer, wishing that you taxing. Luckily, The Black Sheep was able to get had someone to share that froyo with. Fear not, its hands on some sample questions along with because not only some suggested does Moodle 2.4 answers that ’ll “Fear not, because not only does have .4 more points surely make that Moodle 2.4 have .4 more points of aweof awesome than special someone Moodle 2, it also some than Moodle 2, it also has the swoon. has the added the added the much-demanded compo- Q: What is your much-demanded component of onstance on Nerf line dating. How nent of online dating. How convenient Guns? convenient and and not at all an invasion of privacy.” A: Pro Nerf Gun, it’s not at all an invayour constitutional sion of privacy. Gone are the days of “accidently” right. clicking on the class roster, “casually” glancing over every name, and “occasionally” plugging Q: If you could be any flavor of Jell-O, which them into your Facebook search box, culminat- would you choose? ing in a passionate, one-sided, cyber romance. A: Strawberry because it combines the words “straw” and “berry.” Obviously. According to Match.com, 1 in 4 relationships start online. Therefore, statistically speaking, the Q: How many licks does it take to get to the likelihood of you finding your match online is center of a Tootsie Pop? about as common as finding a yellow Starburst A: It depends on how many egg rolls are eaten in an original flavor pack. Technology has finally pre-Tootsie Pop. reached that point where if you like eating Cheez
Q: Which Planet in our Solar System do you identify with most? A: Mercury because it’s closest to the sun and is hotter than a million fresh plates of fajitas. Q: If you could put “that’s what she said” at the end of any phrase what phrase would you choose? A: “Well, that’s a hole in one if I’ve ever seen it.” After the general questionnaire, students will be able to see their compatibly with fellow classmates and plan all of their future trysts around a computer-generated test score. There’ll also be links to potential conversation topics, like soup and whether or not Froot Loops are better than Apple Jacks. Finally, an interactive “Date Simulator” will be included, so you can learn to control that nervous gastro-intestinal reflex you struggle
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Students Excited to Attend Communist Rally
Top 10: Drinks You Thought of While Drunk
Hey, these guys really seem to know what they’re talking about.
with. Suggested dates include enjoying a Lake Calhoun sunset while talking about the complexities of Mario Kart, holding hands while walking along the Mississippi River (but not going in it because it’s the Mississippi), and swinging by the Hot Air Balloon Festival in Duluth while reminiscing about 90s television shows. Spanish class just got a whole lot more caliente now that you know the hunk sitting in front of you likes to tango. Your lit class just became a Nicholas Sparks novel. That baking soda/vinegar solution isn’t the only thing bubbling in chem class. And in stats, the distribution of masturbation to actually getting it in will be positively skewed towards the latter. So, when faced with the question “Do you want to know what love is?”, the answer will be indisputably be “[Moodle] will show [you]”.
at the end of the day, vodka and Franzia is still vodka and Franzia, you lush.
Keep Up With Us! @BlackSheep_UMN • theblacksheeponline.com
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Are you smarter than... Shante from Burrito knows who goes to The Gathering of the Juggalos. Do you?