Volume 5, Issue 4 | 9/21/11 - 9/28/11 | theblacksheeponline.com
The
Fre all e...lik you e t r o he ne- wa nig rdr ht ob st e fr and om s.
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
That Awkward Moment When... Your Drunken Hook-up Becomes a Sober Encounter Alex everard wrote this “Come on over to drink, dance, get hopped up and make some bad decisions,” reads the description of any given Facebook event page for that friend’s house party. Well, you came over, you drank, and you made bad decisions. One of those decisions may or may not have involved finger-banging that mousey girl who lived down the hall from you freshman year while she leaned against the hot water heater in your friend’s basement. Do you have lucid memory of said events? None whatsoever, yet your friends mocking stories accompanied with the smell of your hand means you either ate a FiletO-Fish… or you totally went knuckles deep in that chick. Considering the twenty-spot in your wallet remains whole, it looks like you should be ashamed of yourself. But all is well that ends well, and she got her “sloppy drunk/O-face” on while you satisfied your need to get some part of your body inside of a person lacking a ychromosome. “Hope I never see her again,” you think to yourself as your friend packs a hangover-bowl and your buddies finally cease mocking your inebriated adventure. Little do you know what college life has in store. “Oh what a tangled web we weave when drunken girls we try to please.” – Sir Walter Scotch Three weeks go by and you’re walking down Grand River to class. You see a decent looking girl drop her lanyard, and being the gentleman you are, you bend down and retrieve it for her. ‘Here you g-… oh,” you say as the female turns around and reveals herself to be none other than … The Finger-Bang Wonder! Well, this is awkward. She clearly remembers you as her eyes jolt around, unsure where to look, while she nervously plays with the strap of her PINK tote bag. You begin to panic… “Fuck, fuck, what do I say?!” My friends, this is why you need me. Look no further for the answer to all your awkward moments.
Other stuff
Inside
05: frandor, the asshole of lansing
no one likes going there, except maybe for panera
First, calm yourself. Realize that the best-case scenario means you’ll leave on good enough terms with this girl that if you ever cross shitfaced paths again, she may return the favor. Worst case scenario, you’ll have Part II to an already hilarious story filed under the chapter of your life as “Not even a blowjob,” but awkwardness sucks so let’s focus on the first outcome. Don’t be a little bitch, it’s blatantly obvious at this juncture that you both recall or at least recall being told about your hook-up. You’re both thinking it, so casually address it. I’m not saying you should be like, “Hey, you owe me a handjob,” but try making hand-sex in a beer-covered basement seem cute. Say something like “The only thing I remember from Jeff’s party is that your downstairs is tight!” Okay, no don’t say that. Umm … okay try more along the lines of “How have you been?” Start off slow, once she replies that she’s been well, drop the hint. “Glad to hear it, probably not as well as two Fridays ago,huh?” If she blushes, good. If she blushes and slaps you in the face, not so good. I can’t guarantee what will happen, but if she goes along with the coyness, keep it up. Ask her what she’s doing this weekend and leave it with a, “Well hit me up if you’re going to be around my neighborhood.” Make it seem sincere. She’ll walk away thinking, “Hmmm … if I’m ever drunk enough I might text him.” Face it people, this campus is huge, but paths cross on a daily basis. If you’re any good at getting ass, you are more than likely to cross paths with someone you hooked up with at some point or another. Just remember to remain calm, don’t panic, and try to take the awkward out of it. Because face it-- when you’re double-digits-deep on your drinks, no one really cares about the long-term consequences. Why should that stop when you sober up?
11: msu calender of events check out some fun activities around campus... they're fun, we swear!
13: we Interview: das racist a chat with these brooklyn dudes about music, and sandwiches.