The Black Sheep Fre
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 6, Issue 1 1/12/12 - 1/19/12
theblacksheeponline.com
What Your
Professor's syllabus Really Means
frank sorie wrote this
Class: FUR 241C - F*#&ING UNIVERSITY REQUIREMENT 241C Semester: Basketball Season 2012 Time: 3:00p.m.-4:10p.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays (During ‘Rama) Location: 341 Thefarthestgoddamnbuildingfromwhereyoulive Instructor: Dr. Foreign U. Wontbeabletounderstandme Office hours: You’re not going to come anyway Course Overview: This is a required course, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with your intended major or the career you’ve chosen to pursue post-graduation. This course is designed to completely demolish your GPA and constantly infuriate you. There are over 500 students in this class, so if there are any individual issues that you may need assistance with, your chances of receiving help are slim to none, but closer to none. Class Structure and Requirements: • Individual contributions: Class participation will be a major part of this 500-person class, and even though I will be unable to see the entire room, you will be required to contribute on a regular basis, as this will heavily impact the grade you receive in this course. (Note: I am not responsible for knowing your name at any point during the semester.) • Case study: Disregard this bullet point until April 1st. The FUR 241C case study is a project that will be introduced during the first week of class. You will have the entire semester to work on it, but you will complete and submit your half-assed assignment four minutes before the late-April midnight deadline. • Team contributions: Even though you know nobody in this course, you will be forced against your will to work with a complete stranger. This individual may seem like a promising partner initially, but will ultimately ignore all attempts of con-
Other stuff
Inside
tact the week the project is due. • Book review: There are no SparkNotes on this book, so you better pray to God someone put up a study guide on Notehall. I think you know as well as I do that you’re not going to read it, as it’s close to 500 pages. Grading Scale: 90 – 100 points: 4.0 (No Chance) 85 – 89 points: 3.5 (Dreaming) 80 – 84 points: 3.0 (Hoping) 75 – 79 points: 2.5 (Realistic) 70 – 74 points: 2.0 (More realistic) 65 – 69 points: 1.5 (MSU makes Final Four) 60 – 64 points: 1.0 (Riv adds another ‘Rama on Tuesday) 59 points and below: 0.0 (Don’t be surprised) Schedule of Classes: Week 1: You can skip these days.
Classes We Wish MSU Offered How about "Advanced Ramen Techniques 420" see page 4
Week 2: You can continue skipping. Week 3: You should consider coming now. Week 4: Some bullshit project is due. Week 5: You finally start coming. Week 6: You have no idea what’s going on. Week 7: Unfair midterm. Week 8: This is stupid. Week 9: SB 2012!!! EVERYONE GETS LAID!!! Week 10: You’re probably skipping again. Week 11: MSU IS IN THE FINAL FOUR! No way you’re coming. Week 12: You completely forget to come. Week 13: It’s too late to drop now, idiot. Week 14: Final Review: If you’ve missed everything else, you should be here. Final Exam: Friday, May 4th, 7 a.m. Room 106 in one of the buildings you’ve never heard of.
A Sampling of AllMSU's Dating Profiles here's looking at you, you sexy thing you see page 5
The Dark Knight Rises Trailer something else might rise too, if you catch our drift
see page 7