Michigan State - 11/16/11 - v05i12 by The Black Sheep

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Volume 5, Issue 12 | 11/16/11 -11/30/11 | theblacksheeponline.com

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Black Sheep

“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”

Around the Spartan Watercooler alex everard wrote this

As the college

basketball season rears its beautiful head yet again, fans contemplate the status of their respective teams and hope their school possesses something that the kids call “swag” as we head into the first major games of the year. However, no team in the last decade can boast more accomplishments than MSU currently does; simply by existing, Tom Izzo has guaranteed our team a spot in the tourney. While some schools wonder if they’ll get to go dancing, MSU wonders if they’ll make it to the Sweet Sixteen, the Elite Eight, or the Final Four. Wanting to know more about this mysteriously awesome team, I hung around after their practice a few days ago to get a better glimpse of the day-to-day life of the Spartan basketball team. This is what I heard: Draymond Green: Yo, Nix – you won’t believe what I saw before practice today, man. I went into Coach’s office, you know, to go over plays where I body the players smaller than me and assault the basket, and there he was at his desk just levitating—his back was facing the door, his arms were folded, and he was floating and playin’ some crazy-ass Japanese music. Derrick Nix: That shit Dray. I always assumed he had some crazy zen-powers. When he wears green dress shirts, he kind of reminds me of Yoda. Draymond Green: Did you just say, “That shit Dray”? Derrick Nix: Yeah, do you like it? I’m going to say it after you say or do something crazy for the rest of the year. I’ve only said it to Austin Thornton when we watch you do drills against the freshman forwards,but this definitely applies. Draymond Green: I dig it! I can already see the signs in the Izzone—a picture of Yeezy watching me dunk over a flashy forward saying, “That Shit Dray.” Remind me to tell that nerdy kid who blogs about us to make that happen.

Other stuff

Inside

Derrick Nix: Will do. But, do you really think coach is a zenmaster?

Russell Byrd: Stop calling me tall Asher Roth!

Draymond Green: I don’t kno--

Draymond Green: You look like Asher Roth, except way taller… hence the name, tall Asher Roth. Deal with it.

Austin Thornton: What up Dray, what up D-Rick!

Russell Byrd: (Sighs loudly)

Derrick Nix: I told you to never call me that, Austin.

Keith Appling: Yo, Derrick … I can’t do after-practice workouts with you today. I told this chick I would watch a movie with her and I think we all know what that entails.

Austin Thornton: Fasho.

Derrick Nix: Rule number one—

Derrick Nix: Don’t say that either. Austin Thornton: Noted.

Keith Appling: Don’t do this.

Draymond Green: Seeing is believing! I think Coach has mysterious powers and I want him to teach me how to use them too. Better yet, he should teach that freshman Russell Byrd how to use them.

Derrick Nix: Anyone want to tell me what rule number one is?

Austin Thornton: Seriously … coming from a relatively goofylooking white boy, that kid is a goofy-looking white boy. And the number zero? Really? Who picks the number zero? Draymond Green: He probably chose it to represent the number of minutes he’ll get to play this year. Austin Thornton: Zing! Russell Byrd: (Picking up everyone’s dirty jerseys) Hey, fuck you guys! I can hear everything you’re saying. Derrick Nix: Relax, tall Asher Roth. Your time to shine will come. It’s just not this year.

04: top ten:

things we aren't thankful for this thanksgiving... frickin' nickleback.

Austin Thornton: Nix before chicks. Draymond Green: Let the man do his thing … I’m going to talk to Coach about how to use the force. Tom Izzo: (Hanging from above) The force is in us all. Group: Holy shit, Coach! Where did you just come from?! Tom Izzo: Where do any of us come from? And watch your mouths. All of you have to put a dollar into the ‘Buy Michigan a new gym so we don’t have to play them in the Chrys-This-PlaceSucks Arena Team Swear Jar.’ Now, go home and get some rest, young Jedis. Group: Yes, Coach.

05: danksgiving

that bowl of green stuff isn't creamed spinach.

11: the ideal men's lounge

For some reason, there's no mention of strippers.

Table of

contents

Pg4: pre-thanksgiving thank you letter See how the early settlers roped in the Native Americans!

Pg5: a series of depressing diary entries If you're alone this Turkey Day, this is what you have to look forward to.

05 07

Pgs 8-9: the Bar grid You love drinking, and we love you! Pg10: Bartender of the week Dougie Fresh is a little short on words. Pg12: move review We saw The Immortals and had some opinions about it.

Pg6: party pics Hot damn you guys are weird, and we love it. Pg13: The Black Sheep Interviews: pterodactyl Pg7: signs to leave the bar No, not the dinosaur, an aweThe poor kid and the racist some band! have to ruin everything. Pg15: the madlib Pg7: from the streets Are you all prepped and What do you think the first glazed for Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving was like?

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Word of the week Inferiwhore:

A Chimera Ray

Anally Truer To

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Definition: A man or woman who regularly tries to score some tail, but fails miserably. Sentence: “Dave’s such an inferiwhore, he’s always trying to land some ass, but never gets any.”

THe top ten Things We Aren’t Thankful for This Thanksgiving As Thanksgiving approaches and our private parts tingle in anticipation of the foodgasm that is sure to ensue, we can’t help but think of a few things that we aren’t all that grateful for. I know, I know, ‘tis the season to be thankful, but c’mon… if you’re thankful for terrorism, you’re probably a terrorist. 10). Terrorism I don’t know about you guys, but terrorists really push my buttons. They’ve got their guns and their hate and their patriarchy, and it’s just a whole thing with them. They’ve always got to be doing something. 9). Kim Kardashian’s Divorce When Kim Kardashian is going through a tough time in life, it makes the rest of mankind feel like there’s not much to be thankful for. Or to live for. 8). Cranberry Sauce How is it possible that after centuries of celebrating this holiday, cranberry sauce has managed to make the cut each and every year? If there’s a Staples of Thanksgiving Dinner Committee somewhere, I’ve got a firm letter to send their way (and it’s written in blood).

pre-thanksgiving thank you letter JOHN SMITH wrote this make love to).

Dearest Squanto, I want you to know that you are very important to me. If I had to choose between a night of fellatio from my finest lady and a night of male bonding with you, I’d probably choose to get my knob slobbed on… but I’d be thinking of you. Seriously though, Squants, I really cannot thank you enough for everything you have done for my people. Us Whites were just the darn worst to you and your tribe when we first arrived and captured you, but we want to make it up to you. We would be absolutely delighted if all of you would join us for a feast tomorrow evening as a small token of our immense appreciation. Heck, before you and your tribe came along, we were sticking the cobs of corn into our anuses; you taught us to put them in our mouths. That piece of knowledge alone was enough to completely change the way we approached our day-to-day life—literally 100% different now.

It really would mean the world to us if you and the rest of the Patuxets joined us. My brother, Henry, even prepared a poem for the occasion. I know that he wanted to keep it a secret, but if you’re still debating whether or not to come, I think this might persuade you: A Thanksgiving Haiku: So sorry we are For everything done we have Squanto that we love Henry is very sensitive about his writing, so I hope you’ll take this opportunity to support him in his pursuit to become fully literate. He has written several other poems about you, but I think he misunderstood the meaning of some words because all of the others contained several sexually explicit references to your genitalia and his sister’s “rosy hole.”

"HECK, BEFORE YOU AND YOUR TRIBE CAME, WE WERE STICKING THE COBS OF CORN INTO OUR ANUSES."

Anyway, we hope that the dinner we prepare will serve as an edible (and delicious) amalgamation of all the things that you’ve taught us throughout the season. To begin, we’ll have a turkey roasted to perfection—a symbol of our learning to read. The fowl, which we now know is different from its homonym, foul, is something that you taught us (even though our kind may later deny any claim of your tribe’s literacy due to our even more overt racism in the future). To accompany the fowl, we will have a bevy of corn (significance already covered), dozens of fresh-baked rolls (to represent the importance of your role in teaching us how to bake), several squashes (squash being the best natural remedy for syphilis and hunger), and a plethora of pumpkin pies (a symbol of the first inanimate object we learned to

The point is—we need you guys to be there. It wouldn't feel right if you weren't part of the celebration. We’re going to drink beer and smash things at the rock before dinner, say grace and give thanks, feast, smoke our pipes, and then make love to our women (in group fashion). We especially hope that you’ll join us for that portion of the night— that niece of yours is growing up to be a real tall drink of water. I wouldn’t mind if she harvested my crop… if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, I mean I want her to weave my basket. And if you don’t know what I mean by that, I’m pretty sure Henry wrote a poem about it that also contained some pretty graphic images. Anywho, I suppose if the world is full of sugarplums and dreams come true, (like I hope it is), I’ll see you tomorrow. Warm Regards and Gentle Hugs, John Smith

7). There’s No Time For Individual Traditions Like all holidays, Thanksgiving revolves around a bunch of weird family traditions that no one cares about. If Thanksgiving traditions were true to people’s innermost feelings and desires, Thanksgiving would revolve around substance abuse, nudity, and naps. 6). The Crazy Bitch That Emerges From Cooking For 20 People If you’ve never seen your mom in crazy psycho bitch mode over the holidays, you probably don’t have a mom in your life over the holidays. Something about cooking for that many people really messes with a person’s mind; one minute she’s crying that her stuffing is too moist and the next minute she’s jamming her fist up the turkey’s asshole, making it into a puppet. “You can all gobble on this cock!” she murmurs out of the side of her mouth. 5). Black Friday A day where you can buy all the products you want for a fraction of the cost? It’s sounds good in theory, but once you introduce the hoards of flat-screen hungry freaks, hours of waiting in line, and the possibility that you may lose your life, it doesn’t sound quite as appealing. If your obituary says that you were trampled to death at a Wal-Mart, we’re going to assume that you lived a very sad life. 4). The Hangover That Follows the Biggest Bar Night of The Year When you’re hungover, what’s the last thing you want to do? If you answered “talk to my family about my post-graduation plans,” then you answered like most human beings. Hangovers and family have never mixed well and never will. Whoever made the night before Thanksgiving the biggest bar night of the year was obviously an orphan. 3). Apologizing for Your Relatives Bringing your significant other to a family function for the first time is always an unnerving experience. Will grandpa show everyone his erection that lasted for more than four hours like last year? Will Aunt Debbie post a sexual innuendo about candied yams on her Facebook? At this point, it’s really just a waiting game. 2). Saying Grace It’s not that we don’t want to give thanks, we just don’t want to be the thankers in the thanking. There’s something strange about talking to the man upstairs with each of your family members hanging onto your every word. “Uh, yeah, so uh, thanks God. You’re the coolest God I pray to. Love you, G.” 1). Nickelback Playing at the Lions’ Halftime Show There is actually a petition underway right now that is attempting to collect enough signatures to stop Nickelback from performing at halftime. Although it currently has more than 50,000 signatures, Nickelback is still scheduled to play the show… but at what cost? Haven’t the good people of Detroit been through enough?

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The Black Sheep Presents:

A Series of Depressing Thanksgiving Day Diary Entries Samantha Shaughnessy wrote this

November 24th, 2011 Dear Diary, Because I have nothing better to do, I’m going to document this year’s Thanksgiving with diary updates throughout the day. 10:31 a.m. So, Diary, looks like it’s just you and me this year...again. Maybe it’s my cynical attitude or the fact that I’ve been wearing the same sweatpants for the past week, but my so-called family decided that inviting me to come home was out of the question. My parents claim they can’t afford a plane ticket home, but clearly they just don’t love me enough. 11:46 a.m. After sobbing loudly in the shower for over an hour, I’ve decided to make a list of benefits to being alone this holiday to cheer myself up. 1. I can finally have some peace and quiet. 2. I can eat naked. 3. I can watch porn while I eat. 4. I don’t have to chew up Grandma’s meal for her. …Who am I kidding? This is going to blow. 12:22 p.m. Did you know that Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving too? I feel like they’re always trying to live our lives. 1:11 p.m The Facebook stalking has commenced. As I’m browsing through the pictures of people from high school who never knew my name, I’ve decided to play a little game. I get a point for anyone I find who is pregnant, married, or is clearly a secret Republican. Who do they think they’re kidding with those

sweater vests? I’ve got 28 points so far and I’m only in the Ms. I can’t believe Mindy Kunts got knocked up by that kid who always got boners in gym class. 2:52 p.m. I just returned from grocery shopping in preparation for my Thanksgiving meal. I ended up deciding to ditch the traditional turkey and did my shopping at KFC for some finger lickin’ chicken goodness. I indulged and got the Family Bucket, mashed potatoes, corn, biscuits, and a full bucket of extra gravy. This Thanksgiving is really starting to look up. 3:17 p.m. I finished (stress) eating all of the KFC and I’m about to start a Degrassi marathon on TeenNick. You have full permission to judge me. 4:00 p.m. I picked my nose too hard and now I have a bloody nose...this should keep me busy for at least ten minutes. 4:04 p.m. I apologize for getting blood on you, Diary. It won’t happen again. 6:50 p.m. After countless games of Bubble Shooter, I still don’t have the top score. I hate Thanksgiving and I have nothing to be thankful for. I hate pilgrims and I hate squash. I always have. 7:19 p.m. Maybe I should go check and see if that Inuit-looking homeless guy who throws up in my apartment parking lot is outside. He could probably use some company and holiday cheer. We could share a fifth and swap stories. He could tell me hobo railroad folklore and I could tell him about how I used to have a family who loved me. I think it’d be enlightening.

7:25 p.m. Ugh, he wasn’t there! Even he must be celebrating with some vagabond family...or throwing up in some other bitch’s parking lot. I’m offended. 8:32 p.m. After watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, I’ve realized that Charlie Brown is really kind of a dick. I don’t know what Lucy saw in him. 9:54 p.m. I’ve discovered a strange lump in my breast and I’m convinced it’s a tumor. After frantically checking my symptoms on WebMD, all signs point toward my initial diagnosis of breast cancer. This is just the cherry to top off a wonderful Thanksgiving. From now on, I’m going to be known as the chick with cancer. God, if you’re planning on killing me, please just do it now and put me out of my misery. 10:32 p.m. Now that I have cancer and am going to die alone anyway, I figured I might as well finish an old can of Meijer cranberry sauce. So, I did. I also drank the remainder of the gravy through a krazy straw. My life is at a standstill. 11:03 p.m. Goddamn the pilgrims. I wish with every fiber of my being that they would have just drowned and the Mayflower would have sunk to the bottom of the sea. 11:49 p.m. In a rash effort to make this god-forsaken holiday end sooner, I’ve downed half a bottle of NyQuil. What an eye-opening Thanksgiving this was. Now, what the hell am I going to do for Christmas?

The Evolution of Danksgiving: A Chronic Chronology Cody Manthei wrote this There’s a common misconception that the term “Danksgiving” was first coined by 21st century stoners, but Danksgiving is actually a holiday that has roots in regions all around the world. Although each area celebrates the holiday with different rituals and traditions, Danksgiving almost always involves binge smoking (Danksgiving smoke sessions yield some of the highest highs humans have ever known) and binge eating (Danksgiving meals commonly consist of turkey and malt liquor in inhuman amounts). While the exact origins of this holiday are unclear, there have been a lot of historical happenings that we can look back on to see how and where Danksgiving has been celebrated throughout the years: Approximately 115 B.C.E.: The widespread trade of marijuana first became popular during the Han Dynasty as the Silk Road flourished and provided an outlet to trade goods with distant neighbors. Once China got a hold of that sticky icky icky, they couldn’t put it down. Emperor Wang Mang was especially fond of the herb and thanked the colonists who traded it to him profusely. “Thanks, thanks!” he’d say as he inhaled a huge cloud of smoke. Thinking that Mang was saying, “danks,” the colonists soon began referring to their goods as “dank” and the term gained popularity quickly. Mang declared a holiday in its honor shortly afterward and everyone indulged to the fullest. Sometime during the 12th Century: French explorers set foot in India with greedy motives until they realized that it was the day of Danksgiving. India got word of the celebration from China and hopped on the bandwagon. Once the French experienced the holy high that can only be experienced through this High Holiday, they left India and remained stoned for three full years after that. Initially feeling very high, hungry, and confused, the explorers ended up getting lost at sea and eventually landed in what is now known as Canada. Although disappointed to find themselves in Canada (as anyone would be) they were so elated about their newfound tradition that they decided to share it with the native people— the Inuit. However, unbeknownst to the French, the Inuit already had a similar tradition, but they called it “Shinitogahoden.”At this point in time, the Inuit had a fairly unprecedented method for growing marijuana, but it undoubtedly yielded the best product in the world. They planted their seeds beneath the permafrost, which heightened the THC to levels that were previously unheard of. As it turns out, the French never wanted to leave and eventually formed a new ethnicity: French Canadians.

October 12th, 1492: Columbus founded America. (I don’t care what all you haters think.) And when he came, the Indians fed him the largest meal he had ever had. This meal was laced with the nectar of the gods: Weed. Columbus got so stoned that he stripped down after dinner and took a shit right on Plymouth Rock’s most prized rock. For a while they called it Shitmouth Rock, but the name didn’t last all that long because everyone was always too high to remember. 18th century: Historians believe that Danksgiving’s beginnings in the United States were likely rooted in the 18th century with our founding fathers. I mean, think about it. Would Franklin really have flown a kite with a small metal object if he weren’t totally stoned off his ass? No. He wouldn’t have. 18th century colonists were actually some of the biggest stoners of all time—while experimenting with the various ways to use marijuana, a group of colonists once put large amounts of kief into their teabags to soak into their beverage. The colonists were so high and delusional after drinking it that they believed the tea was evil. They dumped a bunch of tea into the Boston Harbor and caused a bunch of a political ruckus. Today: Danksgiving has found a place in countless histories as marijuana slowly but surely found its way around the world. It’s one of the few holidays that can be shared among people of all different backgrounds and the only holiday that I’m truly thankful for. Happy Danksgiving!

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What do you think the first Thanksgiving was actually like? "I feel like it was obnoxious. They didn't speak English, so it was probably very awkward." - Garrett H., Senior

10 Sure Signs It’s Time to Leave the Bar justin gawel wrote this We all love the bar: alcohol, fake identifications, floors covered in stains and bodily fluids, and dance floors with nothing but bump n’ grind. Actually, not only does that sound like most East Lansing bars, but that also describes most nights at R. Kelly’s house. The difference is: all of us know when to leave R. Kelly’s house. (It’s when the video camera comes out and the underage girls start crowding around the toilet seat.) As the biggest bar night of the year approaches, many of us will ask ourselves, when is the right time to leave the bar? Stay hungry, my sweet baby chinchillas, because Papa Chilla isn’t going to let you starve. It’s Friday evening and you and your boys are having a totally phat hangout sesh. You’re ripping shots and discussing the finer points of throwing up on girls, fantasy football, and fingerbanging when you hear your buddy exclaim, “Oh ass, we’re out of booze. Bar, anyone?” Nods of approval from the fellas all around and you’re off to the bars without even a hint of the situations that will force you out of them later.

Token Loud Mouth leaves his shot on the counter and your Rat Friend who always mooches off everyone snags it instantly. You’ve seen him do this no less than five times in the last hour and he’s feeling the effects. This one hits him wrong and he’s running for the bathroom. Suddenly he stops. It appears that the double-fish filet with extra ranch and extra tartar sauce he stole earlier just hit him wrong too. A crowd of people gathers around him and you can’t tell if he threw up everywhere (4) or actually crapped his pants at the bar (5). Either way, the bouncer is escorting him out now and by the way he’s covering his face and everyone is staring daggers, you’re guessing it was all of the above. Oh well, you know what they say… shit happens. It’s cool though; you know those were the friends who no one really liked anyway. I mean, come on—poor kids, racists, and literal party poopers? Yeah, nobody likes them. So now you’re getting another drink and a mysterious senorita bumps you from behind and giggles. Shit, you might be calling it an early night if she’s good to go (6). One look at her though and the realization sweeps over you that this is your buddy, Lover Boy’s ex-girlfriend. You remember this girl wanted Lover Boy to convert to Scientology and convert all of his money to gemeralds or whatever.

"They didn't have a refrigerator, so it was probably really rank..." - Caroline K., Junior

"COME ON - POOR KIDS, RACISTS AND LITERAL PARTY POOPERS? YEAH, NOBODY LIKES THEM."

Freshly arriving to the bar, everyone’s buzzed, no one’s been accused of taking their dick out by a waitress yet (1), and everyone’s feeling optimistic about the night. Once in there, Poor Friend (we’ve all got them) whips out his flask and starts pounding it. He’s pointed out by the bartender and escorted out (2). Oh, Poor Friend, what an idiot. In his drunken stupor, he didn’t realize the staff had been eyeing him for a flask since he tried to pay his cover with a Bridge Card and came in wearing shoes made out of burlap and trash bags. Tsk^2 The night’s moving along and your group’s Token Loud Mouth drops a racist term as he’s sitting next to the two black guys at the bar while trying to tell a joke (3). The dudes stand up and don’t even need to say, “Do you mind if we dance with your dates?” before Token Loud Mouth takes the hint and leaves.

That’s it, bam! Before this wench has a chance to say “L. Ron,” Lover Boy has seen this whole exchange and broken for the door before any alien souls could catch him (7). In his haste, he scuffs someone’s pair of Jordans. You rush to help, but get caught in the crowd while all the other dudes you came here with are kicked out for fighting other dudes over overpriced shoes (8). Alone now, the check comes and, well, shit. I guess it’s time for you to drink-and-dash (9). But, hey, at least it wasn’t the depressing sight and pathetic covers of Jerry Sprague that forced you out of the bar this time (10).

"It was a potluck except the only thing they brought was smallpox. That's not a good dish to pass around." - Kelsey S., Junior

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January 2010 Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm. $2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.

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$5 Premium Pitchers $4.50 Labbatt's Pitchers $4 Domestic Pitchers

$2 Domestic Lites $2 Well Drinks

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour $3 Well Drinks $4 Tall Domestic Drafts $1 Off All Wines & All Appetizers 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells, $4 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

Half-off all food, ALL DAY

TUES, 11/22

$2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Light, Rolling Rock Bottles $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and Kamikazes! $3.50 Long Islands

WED, 11/23

$2.50 Bottles of Bud & Bud Light $3 Rumpleminz White Gummy Bears $2 Well Drinks or $4 Doubles

SAT, 11/19

Giveaway Tuesday 4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour Win great prizes every week! $4.99 Burger Combo! 8pm – 2am $2 Domestic Lites $3 Double Wells, $4 23oz Domestics $2 Well drinks $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze DJ Juan 10PM 1/2 Off Wednesday 1/2 Off Everything except premiums $3.99 Basket of Wings from 4pm-9pm DJ Juan 10PM

Biggest Party of the Year! Triple Lindy Rocking '80s Jams All Night! Great Drink Specials! Spartans at 7PM!

Taco Tuesday Taco Trio with drink purchase, ALL DAY!

Come Party Before Break!

@MSUBlackSheep 1300+ and going strong.

The Bar Grid Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Sunday - Friday: $1.00 off ALL tall Drafts, $3 Smirnoff® flavors, Crown Royal®, Captain Morgan®, Jack Daniel’s®, SoCo®, Jameson Irish Whiskey® & $2 Select Shots PLUS $3 select appetizers

HAPPY HOUR! Mon - Fri, 4-7 1/2 Off Drinks and Drafts

Now available on CampusFood.com!

Specials Run All Day & All Night 7 Days A Week!

SPECIAL NIGHT

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Join us for FREE trivia starting at 10pm!

Wipeout Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine

$2 Domestics 11AM to 6pm $1 Pints 8PM-12AM $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am

$2 Off Pitchers Of Beer $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands $6 Oasis Sangria Pitchers $3 All Mediterranean Beer & Booze, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our Mediterranean Wines $2.49 Falafel Sandwiches $5.99 Mediterranean Pizzas

WED, 11/16

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 55-cent boneless wings Join us for Happy Hour!

Thirstygirl Thursday DJ EC3 – NO Cover $1.95 You Call It Wells, Calls & Beers

“Thirsty Thursday” $0.75 Cans of Faygo $1.75 Pints of Badass Beer $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am

$2 Domestic Pints & Wells $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads & $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

THURS, 11/17

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Enjoy $3 select appetizers starting at 9pm Spartans at 6:30PM!

TGIF $2.50 Pints & Bombs $2.50 Captain Drinks $2.50 Jack Drinks

Fry-Day

$1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am

$2 Domestic Pints & $4 Bombs $3 Captain & Bacardi Drinks (All Flavors) $2 Washington Apple Shots Cheeseburger Combo/Falafurger Combo W/Pitcher $11 Dom/$13 Craft

FRI, 11/18

Go Green! Go White! Spartan Specials All Day All Night! Open @ 10am!

SAT, 11/19

Buy one dawg and drink (soda/beer/ juice) and ask for a free small fry!

Come Cheer on MSU as We Take On Indiana at Noon! Go Green! Go White!

$2 Pints $3 Calls

Watch the Spartans Kill Indiana at Noon! NCAA Football All Day and Night! Celebrate with $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Lions vs. Panthers at 1PM! Spartans at 6PM!

SUNDAY SCHOOL NO Cover $1.75 Pints, 1/2 Off Pizza Until 7PM 1/2 Off Adult Beverages 7 - Close

Lions Redeem Themselves at 1PM! Come Cheer on Megatron with $2 DOMESTICS ALL DAY LONG! $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am

$3 16oz Oasis Bloody Marys & Mimosas $6 Oasis Margarita Pitchers $3.50 Oasis Margarita Glasses $2 Well Whiskey Drinks $5 Off Kabob Combos For Two & $2 Off Veggie Sampler Appetizers

SUN, 11/20

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close 55- cent boneless wings Monday Night Football! Come catch all the game action on our big screen TVs!

$1.75 Pints $3.50 Pitchers

“Slider Specials” $1 Singles/$2 Doubles 100% Ground Angus (toppings extra) $1 Pints 6PM-12AM $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm to 12am

$2 Domestic Bottles $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Bottles $4 Featured Martinis $2.50 Glasses of House Wine $6 1/2 Lbs. Cheeseburger & Falafurger Combo

MON, 11/21

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 45-cent traditional wings Stop in for lunch combos starting at $6.99 served in 15 minutes or less!

Taco Tuesdays FREE Taco Buffet 7PM – 10PM $1.75 Wells $3.00 Well Doubles $2.50 Margaritas $8.50 Buckets of Coronas

Twos-day! 11am - 10:30pm 2 Special Coneys for $2 24oz Keystone for $2 $1 Pints 6PM-12AM $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm to 12am

$3 Made-in-Michigan Beers (Bottles and Pints) $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses of All Our Made in Michigan Wines $6 Pitchers of Oasis Mai Tai's $3.50 Glasses of Oasis Mai Tai's $3 Off Select Appetizers

TUES, 11/22

Biggest Party of the Year!

$2 Domestics 11AM to 6pm $1 Pints 6PM-12AM $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am

WED, 11/23

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Join us for FREE trivia starting at 10pm! Spartans at 7PM!

Bartender

of the

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Week Age: 21 Major: Hospitality Business Relationship Status: Single Nickname: Dougie Fresh Shot: Jameson Drink: Margarita Dare: Fiery Mexican (Patron with hot sauce) What's your biggest pet peeve? Bad Drivers What's your best talent? Cooking What's one talent/skill you wish you had? To play the piano

Doug Curtis

If you could host any game show/ reality TV competition, what would it be? Double Dare

Harper's

If your life was a movie, what would it be called? Goodfellas What's your favorite Thanksgiving tradition? Cranberry sauce What football team are you rooting for on Thanksgiving? The Packers If you had to design a float for Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, what would it be? An Indiana Jones-themed float Biggest turn-ons? Athletic, eyes, and smile Biggest turn-offs? Smokers Shout-outs! The whole Harper's crew!

recipe for disaster:

drinking game:

beer ball Like beer? Have balls? Boy, have we got a game for you. What You Need: A case of beer, at least one ping pong ball, and a table. Number of Players: Four exactly – no more, no less, no exceptions. Intoxication Level: You’ll lose your balls. How To Play: - Like beer pong, there are two teams of two players in this game, and each team stands at opposing ends of the table. - Place a can of beer upside down at each corner of the table (four beers total). - One player will throw the ping pong ball at the opposing team’s beer that is diagonal from him. - If he hits the beer can, his teammate on his side of the table must flip over his can of beer and start chugging. - His teammate will only stop chugging once either member of the opposing team has retrieved the ping pong ball and placed it on the table. - It is to be expected that one teammate will finish his beer first. In this case he will be the only member throwing for the remainder of the game in order to have his teammate finish his beer too. - The winning team is the team who is able to finish every last drop of both of their beers first. The Game Ends When: You actually start tripping on the balls.

thirsty for more? theblacksheeponline.com/drinkage

Waffle Sandwich This is a treat that would have Leslie Knope of Pawnee, Indiana losing her mind. It’s too delicious for most people to comprehend. What You’ll Need: Waffles, ice cream, chocolate syrup, whip cream, caramel sauce, and whatever else your sweet tooth can dream up. Cook Time: About 5-7 Minutes. Fatty Factor: This is a no-go for someone with diabetes. Let’s Get Baked - Bust out your Eggo waffles (of course, you could go Belgium, which sounds fanfucking-tastic; however you’ll need a waffle maker for that), toss two of them in the toaster, and set them for however you like your waffles cooked. - While your waffle is toasting, bust out your favorite ice cream and get all of your toppings in a line. - Once your waffles pop out of the toaster, plop them on a plate, and slap a bunch of ice cream on one of them. - Go ahead and slather on all of the chocolate syrup, whip cream, caramel sauce, sprinkles and whatever else you want on the ice cream and cram the second waffle on top of it all to make the sandwich. - Enjoy. Of course this waffle sandwich could be anything you imagine it up to be. Feel free to experiment with all different flavors if ice cream and waffles. Rocky Road with blueberry waffles sounds like an interesting twist on the palate.

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The Ideal Men’s Lounge

black betty wrote this

The Women’s Lounge in the Union is a mysterious lair that makes forbidden male passersby (and even the women allowed inside) a little curious and uncomfortable. Its most likely disease-ridden mahogany couches provide resting places for the women who seek midday naps; its dim lights offer an uncomfortable and dangerous environment to read, and its silence pierces the air like a sorority girl’s cry. After a thorough investigation of this quiet box, I’ve discovered that the only purpose it serves is to be a place that lets female students sit in silence, and study…in silence. Even your phone has to be on silent. But, what the fuck is the point in having a women’s lounge if we can’t sit in a circle wearing short, tight dresses drinking martinis and gossiping about who’s a Carrie, and who’s a Charlotte—amirite gals? However, being the advocate for equality that I am, I feel that it’s only fair to give the Spartan men a lounge somewhere in the Union (preferably the basement) that provides them with a place and opportunity to spend copious amounts of male-to-male de-stressing time together. If The Black Sheep designed the Men’s Lounge, we would implement features that male students would benefit most greatly from. First and foremost, the bowling alley that nobody ever uses anymore would be turned into a testosterone-filled opium-den. But, instead of smoking opium, they would be smoking noobz in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Assuming that we get to take advantage of the basement in its entirety, there would also be smaller rooms within the lounge that satisfied several different male lifestyles. For example, the bros would have a game room (more video games, arcade games, poker games, etc.) stocked with beanbag chairs galore and vending machines that were constantly stocked with piping hot chili dogs and cold, delicious beer.

The next room inside the lounge would appease the substance user/abuser, but the drug dungeon is not to be confused with a place where you could just stumble upon a heroin junkie lookin’ for their next fix when all you’re lookin’ for is a pre-class toke. (This isn’t Flint.) In this room, there would only be two laws: 1) Sharing is caring (and if you’re going to unappreciatively mooch, then you’re not allowed back empty-handed). 2) The only drugs allowed are marijuana and cigarettes. This would be a haven for those who cannot smoke in the comfort of their own homes (most likely cause: roommates who have logs lodged inside their rectums). For the sleep-deprived, individual cots would be available in another room that would always be kept dark and would play the relaxing sounds of crickets chirping, hands fapping, waves crashing,(or whatever other noises macho men like falling asleep to). And finally, the multi-purpose room would feature a little bit of everything: Posters of inspirational males throughout history would decorate its walls,new release movies would play on the numerous flat screens around the room, endless snacks would be available (including, but not limited to: bacon-wrapped steak, bacon-wrapped popcorn, and baconwrapped bacon), and back-massaging recliners that form to your every man-curve would also be available for your enjoyment. However, as fantastic as all of this sounds, if the men were provided with a heavenly lounge like this, the women would also need to have theirs renovated to be just as spectacular (but more womanly, of course).So, let’s make this happen, MSU. We wouldn’t even need to collect donations for its funding if we could just use all the money we put into parking meters and pay for parking tickets every semester.

Before You Go Home... Triple Lindy:

The Night Before Thanksgiving 80s Party of Thankfulness!

rock out!

Join us on the Busiest Bar Night of the Year as we give thanks to an entire decade of excess and unfettered access. we are considering this show necessary cardio for the gluttony the day after.

Great dr ink specials all night!

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the movie page Based on the Trailer

Immortals benson saw this and gave it a...

Director: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Tarsem Singh

Starring:

Nov.18

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning What You Need to Know: Edward and Bella finally get hitched, thus not giving a shit about the complications of human/vampire relationships. They proceed to have rough sex ALL OVER THE PLACE (mostly really gorgeous, exclusive hotels and waterfalls), and Bella gets herself knocked up with a demon baby. What a dumbass! What We Think: Since this is only part one, no one knows (or cares really) what happens next. We’re sure that the Twilight Saga fanatics will have a field day with this one and continue to worship Edward Cullen in creepy ways. Go see this one at your own risk.

Hugo

Nov. 28

Starring: Asa Butterfield, Chloe Moretz, Emily Mortimer What You Need to Know: Hugo is a little orphan boy that secretly lives in the walls of a Paris train station, and works spinning giant cranks to make a huge clock run. All of this is really tragic. Somehow he befriends a sweet man (or possibly a pedophile) and together they try to fix a creepy, broken robot that would lead him back to his lost father. Oh, and it is in 3D. What We Think: If you're home for Thanksgiving break and the family wants to catch a flick (and pay for it) then you should check it out, otherwise we’re not sure if it’s worth the hot 13-bucks.

Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto

Synopsis:

300? I’ve never heard of it. What the fuck are you talking about? The benefit of 3D in film is a hot topic among many movie nerds. Some believe that it’s a wonderful invention which allows us to see movies in a new, amazingly real way. Others, including myself, believe that 3D movies are yet another sign of technology’s cruel, calculated stranglehold on our society, fueled by the electric pus oozing out of zombie Steve Jobs’ forehead. The problem is, when you watch a movie that was specifically filmed for 3D, you notice just how much that technique has changed the way movies are filmed. When a movie is shot specifically for 3D, you notice that some shots are held for abnormally long to give the audience time to absorb all of the 3D effects, and that a lot of attention is paid to things coming out at you (obviously). The problem is, though, that when you convert it back to 2D, none of these extended shots or objects flying at the screen make any sense. It just makes the movie seem awkwardly edited. And unless 3D TVs catch on, these “made for 3D” movies are going to look poorly-edited and incredibly dated in a couple years. I, admittedly, saw Immortals in 2D, as I happen to be very cheap when it comes to

A Dangerous Method

Nov. 28

Starring: Keira Knightley, Michael Fassbender, Viggo Mortensen What You Need to Know: This movie is about the intense relationship between Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung in their studies of the human psyche. Sabina Spielrein is Carl Jung’s patient who is absolutely nuts due to some shit that happened long ago. Somehow they both manage to fix whatever was wrong within Sabina’s mind while BOTH simultaneously falling for her, which obviously screws up everything. Stupid boys. What We Think: This movie features men with pretty epic mustaches and looks really cool. We would totally go to the theaters to check this out, and assumingly leave with our minds blown, which is always a plus.

on DVD

seeing movies (ladies...), and this was no exception. However, I felt that I got a better understanding of this film in 2D than I would have in 3D. Partly because of the reason above, but mostly because, when seeing a movie made specifically for cool special effects, what is left after those effects are removed will tell you just how much thought and care was put into the writing, acting and production of such a film. Immortals follows the bloody reign of King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) as he rages war against all mankind, and the band of people determined to stop him. The only hope to stop King Hyperion from releasing the Titans is Theseus (Henry Cavill) a man chosen by the gods to save Middle Earth, erm, Greece. Theseus becomes romantically involved with Phaedra (Freida Pinto), a virgin priestess (Thesus is determined to change this). There’s a subplot involving androgynous, metrosexual gods and how they cannot intervene with the war’s proceedings, even though they do anyways and get their asses kicked. Yeah, the plot doesn’t really make much sense and all of the acting is horrendous,

mickey rourke fun facts

but that’s to be expected in movies like this. When it comes to action, Immortals is better than most. It is obscenely gory at times, and genuinely disturbing in others, which is pretty great. Other than that, though, Immortals is almost comical in the way it follows the basic archetype of every single other ancient Greek/Trojan War-era fantasy film. You see, I’m the kind of guy who gets hung up on tiny little inconsistencies or goofs in movies* that I often forget that some movies aren't supposed to be “good” and are supposed to just provide bloody entertainment. I understand this, yes, but Immortals gets a D anyway, it isn't very good. * For example, why do the women always have perfect makeup on, even when they are wet, or are prisoners in the middle of a desert? Also, there’s this character who cuts his tongue off early in the film, he doesn’t do anything meaningful except sit stupidly in the background of every goddamn shot. Fuck this guy. And, uh, if two armies were fighting in a narrow tunnel, within fifteen minutes the tunnel would fill up with dead bodies, rendering fighting between two full sized armies impossible fairly quickly.

answers are a few from here

november 22: Super 8 Conan the Barbarian Vietnam in HD A Madea Christmas: The Play november 29: The Smurfs Friends with Benefits Tucker & Dale vs. Evil One Day

Rourke appeared alongside Jennifer Love Hewitt in which 2001 music video?

Rourke is a dog lover, particularly which kind?

Rourke's entrance song into the boxing ring was often what?

Rourke has written several films under what alias?

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Pterodactyl

the interview

When we were offered a chance to interview Pterodactyl we were all, “Holy shit, those things still exist?” Then, when frontman Joe Kremer called, he didn’t sound like a dinosaur at all. On a positive note, he didn’t eat our face and was generally very nice. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: When you set out to start the band, did you have an idea of what you wanted to do with the music, or was it more an open-ended thing? Joe Kremer: We’ve never known what we’re doing at all, and I mean that in the best way possible. Whatever we’re into when we’re recording, that’s kind of what ends up on the record. I think it all has this essential character at the center, but we try not to exert too much control over the music. TBS: So when it’s time to sit down and do an album, how do you approach it? Joe: We have a process right now, definitely. On Spills Out we’ve incorporated some songwriting steps that we haven’t done before, but the basic idea is to just play a lot, jam, and record. For this album there’s like, days and days worth of recording that’s actually pretty shitty, but you can pick out the stuff that’s decent and you can start to assemble that stuff into songs. This time something interesting happened, we took some tender, young, vulnerable pieces and worked them through chord progressions on a piano. TBS: When it comes to writing a song, then, when you have to do the thing, is it a collaborative process? Joe: Spills Out was really collaborative, the past albums were a lot of me futzing around in my room and people bringing finished songs to the albums. It’s nice to go through the jamming stage with people, where we have passionate relationships to these ideas that turn into songs. We’d have Google docs open, complimenting each other and working through songs. It’s a very time-intensive process, but it’s worth it.

CD REVIEW

Out Now

Drake

Take Care

Taking care of his fans but not making new ones

D-

Canadian-born confied-to-a-wheelchair-actor turned apparently legitimate Jewish rapper (oh, he’s not exclusively Jewish?) Drake released his second album this week Take Care. Despite his all-around fame (Degrassi, this apparently popular rap, even a role in a freakin’ video game) it seems that little ole’ me has no idea about this dude. His rapping has never been anything worth listening to and upon writing this review, I couldn’t even recall his “one popular song.” Oh, there's more than one? Go figure.

make the cut like Lil Wayne or Eminem. Look, I can appreciate some hilariously offensive rap lyrics and appreciate them in a creative, poetic way, because rap is essentially rhyming poetry, right? These dudes just write poems about bitches and guns and whatever, right? He raps in the song “Marvin’s Room” that he’s had “sex four times this week.” Wow… neat. In his title song “Take Care” he talks about it being his birthday and that he’ll cry if he wants to… psych! He’ll actually “get high” if he wants to, which is a wonderfully original play on words.

I came into listening to this album with a relatively clean palate. I know that I’ve tried this before – I don’t exactly recall what exactly – but I just know that I didn’t really like it that much. Drake has a really boring voice and has never done anything unique or especially interesting with his music, considering he's in a genre where it's acceptable to go HAM and to be on the cutting-edge. With so many shitty wanna-be rappers and over-produced artists out there it’s easy to not catch my attention, which Drake has never done.

The tracks with the interesting collaborations (Andre 3000, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj) are stand-out songs on the album. I guess I'm just not a Drake fan, plain and simple. Hell, he even got a “Best New Music” review from Pitchfork music which, in all honesty, makes me start to question Pichfork’s legitimacy.

On top of all of that, Drake’s actual rapping is nothing to write home about, and his attempts at humor (please tell me he isn’t being serious) don't quite

Oh yeah, I just remembered his one song! He has those lyrics “last name ever, first name greatest” from that Sprite commercial. Good for him. Sounds Like: Really lame rap music. Listen to it When: You’re around Drake fans.

TBS: So how do you deal with all of that? I mean, you talk about a lot of development as a band. Do you feel like you owe anything to a label or to fans when you put out a new album, or do you just kinda do what you want to do? Joe: Is the question, do I look for challenges or do I feel a responsibility to do that? TBS: A responsibility. Joe: No, we look for challenges. The first record had a really jagged sound, the second album had all these soaring harmonies or whatever, and a lot of people who were Pterodactyl fans said, you know, “What the fuck is this?” But it’s not about them, I don’t know how we would make music any other way than just sort of letting things come out. Trying to exert control over it is just…I wouldn’t know how to do that. TBS: Do you think your music translates well live? Joe: Well, for the first time ever we’re touring with a keyboard player. It really keeps the songs grounded. I mean, singing is essential for every song, but being able to have a piano kind of keeps things together, it opens things way up, because people don’t have to play all the time, the piano can fill in. TBS: Whose decision was it to bring a piano in? Joe: Well, we knew we needed one, so I was just, “I want to be good at piano, so I’ll be our piano player!” We tried it for one show in Brooklyn and it…didn’t work. I’m not a very good piano player, so we realized the importance of bringing someone in. TBS: What is your favorite non-flying dinosaur? Joe: A pterodactyl sitting on the ground, I guess.

UPCOMING RELEASES >>> R.E.M. -Part Lies, Part Heart, Part Truth, Part Garbage: 1982 - 2011 Childish Gambino - Camp Sigur Ros -Inni

TBS: When you write lyrics, where do they come from? Joe: They’re all pretty personal. I mean, we like putting words together that sound good, but we like to make it obscure enough to where the songs have meaning, but we don’t look like fools for writing about what we’re writing about. We tend to hit a lot on self-reliance and valuing relationships.

Glee: The Music, The Christmas Album Vol. 2 Los Campesinos! - Hello Sadness Tegan and Sara - Get Along Gym Class Heros - The Papercut Chronicles II

TBS: What phrase do you hate most? Joe: I hate, the most, of any phrase: “Those who can’t do, teach.” I was a physics teacher for six years.

madlib: prepping for thanksgiving 13. Number 14. High school slut 15. Weird uncle 16. Body part 17. Cousin 18. Article of clothing 19. Cartoon movie 20. Food 21. Room 22. Sexual activity 23. High school hookup 23. High school teacher

Wow, I am so excited for Thanksgiving break. Right after my _____1_____ test, I am going to hit up _____2_____ with _____3_____ and _____4_____ for a final night hoorah. Hopefully I won’t see _____5_____, because last time we met, I ended up _____6_____ in my _____7_____, and woke up wearing a _____8_____ for some reason? Weird. Anyway, once I get home, I plan on meeting up with the old crew. We already have plans to go to _____9_____ and _____10_____, and definitely drink some _____11_____ like we used to do back in the day. I also heard that _____12_____ gained at least _____13_____ pounds, and that _____14_____ is pregnant! So, I have to see them so I can make some jokes. As for Thanksgiving, well, I just hope that crazy Uncle _____15_____ doesn’t show up. Last time he came over, I swear he wanted to touch my _____16_____ while _____17_____ watched. He always asks creepy questions about my _____18_____, which just seems so strange. Anyway, after dinner, I hope we get to watch _____19_____, it’s my favorite movie by far. If we don’t, I’m just going to take all the extra _____20_____ from dinner, sit in the _____21_____, and go to town until I puke on myself. Sounds like the perfect break to me! I just hope it doesn’t go by too fast; I want to make sure I have enough time to _____22_____ _____23_____ and _____24_____, like old times!

1) Enrique Iglesias "Hero" 2) Chihuahuas 3) Guns N' Roses "Sweet Child o' Mine" 4) Sir Eddie Cooke

Trivia Answers:

1. Hardest class 2. Campus bar 3. Roommate 4. Favorite professor 5. Recent hookup 6. Bodily function 7. Article of clothing 8. Kitchen item 9. Hometown bar 10. High school name 11. Cheapest booze ever 12. High school enemy

( class time )

Meet The Staff! Managing Editor Bailey Walsh Advertising Manager Anthony Dostal Contributing Writers Alex Everard Cristina Toscano Justin Gawel Alex Acton Andrew Fleming Cody Manthei Krystyn Daly Frank Sorise Samantha Shaughnessy Billy Gardner Leanne Johnson Ziev Beresh photographer Jackie Cash

Distribution Annalise Stromsta (Manager) Anna Aiken (Helper) pr team Jessica Holli Chris Amrich campus director Brendan Bonham Founders Atish Doshi Brendan Bonham Questions?

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