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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 4 9/27/12 -10/3/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_om
The Black Sheep's Overly Specific
October Horoscopes
the black sheep staff wrote this
ARIES: The start of colder weather combined with the beginning of fall trends leads you to assume that chapped lips and hard nips are in this year. You’re wrong though; chapped lips and hard nips are in every year. Like leggings. TAURUS: The unexplained happens as you’re drawn to watching a sitcom about gay guys adopting babies. You deny watching the show to your friends, but they soon catch on as you start taking better care of your skin. GEMINI: A cafeteria binge leaves you incapacitate with a taco-demon reeking havoc in your stomach. You attempt to perform an “exorcism” of this bad karma by overdosing on laxatives, and the suffering evens it out. CANCER: The results of your last exam have induced a buying spree of 5-Hour Energy, Adderall, and salted caramel mochas in preparation for your upcoming exam. Unfortunately, your “broom hand” is too jittery to fill out the scantron. LEO: This Sweetest Day, single you is visited by your ghosts of girlfriends past. True to character, they all show up drunk, crying, and you know, dead.
VIRGO: You give the trick-or-treaters a scare when you open the door wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and loincloth. You may have dressed down for Halloween, but we recommend dressing up for your impending court date.
What Your Ride Says About You
LIBRA: You fall victim to Student Health Services’s business ploy/Devil’s Night prank when you use one of the condoms they covered with pepper and poked a hole in. Stay hydrated. SCORPIO: Congrats, the sultry looks you’ve been giving your T.A. have paid off, and after class she rewards you with a “hay ride” and trip to her “petting zoo.” Hopefully, for your sake, you’re into involving animals in your sex life and women with mustaches made out of hay. SAGitTARIUS: Your new diet of Captain, cider, and donuts has you leaving spooky, smelly farts haunting all the rooms you have class in. The same kind of farts from which Slimer originated. CAPRICORN: Haunted houses no longer frighten you, as you brave a much more frightening quest and take a dump at your favorite bar. AQUARIUS: You fear a rip in the space-time continuum has happened during the weekend of the thirteenth, but then you just realize that all these people saying that they are “you in twenty years” are just alumni coming back for homecoming. PISCES: This fall the falling leaves fall in line with you falling in love with a little fault called alcoholism as you fall off the wagon once and for (f)all.
what’s inside
bartender of the week
Is your shag wagon giving off the right impression?
laura from frank and marlee's is all like, screw it, i'm watching pineapple express again.
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The black sheep interviews: junk culture Check out this quirky one-man band's latest album Wild Quiet.
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