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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_om
Volume 4, Issue 1 2/7/13 - 2/20/13
Oxford: the Land of Love Dorothy Crosby wrote this
As springtime approaches, love blossoms in our town While girls from all over try to pin their men down. Some say girls are mostly here for a degree in MRS Really they’re looking for lucky guys to undress. Everywhere in Oxford we see romance in the air From picnicking in the grove to making out on the square. 4 to 6 in the morning is prime walk of shame time Where last night’s cute outfit is today’s fashion crime. There’s nerd couples holding hands walking from classes And frat boys in Ray Bans slapping girls’ asses. Maybe you snagged yourself a first semester cutie And you promised to stop chasing any other booty. These lovers do things like stroll Lamar Park at noon But most here are only looking to get their next poon. A little bit of loving is all we really need But don’t break a heart and get your car keyed. If one night of lovin’ is what you’re looking for Head to the Square to score a temporary whore. But just because you drive a big jacked up truck, Doesn’t mean come closing time you’ll get any luck. To bring girls home you have to spend an extra buck Get your mind out the gutter, pay for shots not to…. You get it. If you’re desperate to join in on that puppy-love season Seek out a freshman who's too young for reason. The Corner and Levee are the number one spots For buying underage girls lemon-drop shots. Just kidding, not promoting this type of action You might instead wind up with an infraction. But when flirting and screwing starts to get too boring Think of other things you could be scoring.
Getting Over Your First College Break-Up
Stay home and play Fifa wifi-ing up with your XBox Fight friends over yellow cards instead of blocking cocks. Who knows, you might even meet some fine gamer honey Until you meet up and she’s an old dude named Sonny. Why not stick to girls you meet in real life Or risk having to feel Manti Te’o’s strife.
But in a few years being single won’t be so cute You’ll be just another old guy in a tie and a suit. No woman to help with a feminine touch Or to tell you she loves you so very much. You’ll think back to all those beautiful southern belles, You left behind back in the days of the Rebels.
Getting a good deal on weed will also make you feel love And who wouldn’t choose alcohol over all else above? Make a date with a twelve pack when you feel lonely Because in the end that’s your true “one and only.”
So stop being a douche bag and open your heart Only roughly four years before we have to depart If you think you’ll find someone once you leave Ten years down the road you’ll see that’s naïve For Ole Miss no doubt has the finest girls around, Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty, God bless this town.
what'’s inside
Bartender Of The Week
Here are some ways to get over Thomas-The-Heart-StompingWhore-Train.
Top 10: Ways To Spend Valentine's Day Single
Do a shot every time you feel sad.
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Emily talks about the Sigma Nu lawn and why she wants to be a pair of yoga pants.
contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 9
page 4: How I met your mother… on Facebook graph search Ted Mosby gets his creep on.
page 8: drinking game and recipe for disaster Pregaming with some puck and getting a cavity from vodka, all in a day's work.
Table of
page 9: from the streets What's the worst thing you've ever received for Valentine's Day?
page 10: We Interview: Justin Grant Wade Aka, Steve Holt from Arrested Development.
page 11: the madlib: my valentine's day How is yours going to compare?
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Presumptwous:
A college student’s mistaken belief that a spontaneous threesome will occur during his or her college career. “‘It may have been presumptwous of me to think that I was going to have a threesome with those two girls who sat next to me at Arby’s,” Teddy uttered.”
how i met your mother ...on facebook graph search. Kids, it was winter of 2013, when I met your mother. After a rough night spent at Cindy’s apartment, I knew the girl I was after, but only had a few clues to track her down. Something about the mystery behind your mom enticed me, we were so compatible, yet I had never met her. I knew she lived in New York, and hoped she was single, but nothing else. It’s an impossible feeling to describe – knowing the love of your life is so close, but impossibly far at the same time. Marshall and Lily were blessed to find each other in their youth, but I was growing older and lonelier by the second. While preparing for yet another night of futile Google and Facebook searches for “Where is the one I love,” “How to avoid being alone forever,” and “I’m all out of love, I’m so lost with out you” Facebook alerted to me to their newest feature: Graph Search. It told me I could find just about anyone based on their interests, who they’re loosely associated with, and where they have been. Kids, there was a light at the end of the tunnel! All I had to do was let Facebook find all the single girls in New York. So, let me tell you how I met your mother…
The glow of my laptop dimmed as did my hopes of finding my future wife. Should I stop here, give up my search, and dig out the naked pictures of Robin I stashed away so many years ago? No! This is the quest for true love. This is the woman I love, the woman who will give me two children, raise them with me until they’re roughly teenagers, then make herself scarce for the next eight years as I tell those children the story of how I met her. She won’t have kids to weigh her down, or an exhusband who will steal her away from me at the altar, and she won’t dress up like a slutty pumpkin and leave me hanging at the same damn Halloween party year after year. I’ve silently waited around for girls my whole life, been the nice guy, done incredibly creepy things for them that seem romantic because I emphasize words like “future” and “fate.” I had to dig into my inner-Mosby mole. I had to find my one true love. That’s it! I know what I should do! I should just search what I like, because my future wife will like all the things I expect her to! Females in New York who are 28, college educated, likes dogs, North Carolina, bass guitar, the New York Times crossword, tennis, old movies, lasagna, Love in the Time of Cholera, Otis Redding, and wants a boy and a girl in the near future.
After sifting through hours worth of girls who just didn’t seem to be the right fit – didn’t feel right in my heart -- I decided I had to narrow it down. But how? How was I ever to find my future wife in the largest city in the world? Then I remembered the three objects I had picked up in Cindy’s apartment in a futile attempt to show her how compatible we were. No longer did I have to find out a person’s interests through actual conversation! No need to hang around local bookstores waiting for a girl to show up and miraculously start proclaiming her love for T.C. Boyle, no need to plan elaborate two minute dates with some girl just to see if they like Star Wars as much as me! All I had to do was lock myself in my room, pop on the perfect song to make an otherwise meaningless moment meaningful, and find my future wife on the computer!
Then, kids, I had a stroke of genius! I added another filter – I’m friends with Cindy and she must be too! So I searched that those girls should be friends, or friends of friends, with Cindy! So there she was, kids. Facebook had led me to your mother. What was going to be another night of dry-pumping and subsequent crying, turned into the night Facebook found me the perfect woman – one who meets and exceeds my excruciatingly high standards. A woman who won’t like me for me, but will like me because she is me.
How am I supposed to find true love in such a wide pool? I must be able to narrow it down, I must dig deeper. There must be more to my true love than these three simple interests. Surely I’ve been interested in people with personalities that take more than three words to describe? If only I had snapped a picture of her ankle then done a reverse image search - No! Get your head straight Mosby!
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page 5
Ways to Spend Your Valentine'’s Day Single
10.) Watch Sixteen Candles and let the sobs flow: Don’t be sad that you’re sad and lonely. We’ve all been there before. Well, at least those of us that were awkward in high school. But not you, you beautiful piece of ass. So take heart, one day, someone out there is going to break into your house and bake you a damned cake. You don’t think so? Kill a $12.99 liter-and-a-half of pinot noir while watching this ageless classic and see if you’re still worried about what awesome date your ex is on right now. 9.) Go for a run. Focus on your school work: Hahaha, just kidding. We’re not here to motivate you to do anything except make bad choices. Instead of being proactive, soak some chocolate in Bailey’s Irish Cream and down the wonderful concoction with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. You’ll definitely feel like ass tomorrow, but at least you’ll make it through the gauntlet of melancholy you face. 8.) Do a shot every time you feel sad: Let’s be honest here, you’re not reading this because you have anything better to do on your Valentine’s Day. So make the day short by drinking when you wake up, and not stopping until you…fall asleep…by…accident, hopefully before the evening when most functioning people are out on dates. 7.) Watch Requiem for a Dream to appreciate the wonders of being single: Yes, it’s not always fun to be wallowing in your own filth and drinking alone in your room like you’re doing now. But that’s ok, after watching Requiem for a Dream you’ll definitely feel better about not losing your arm to your insane heroin habit or watching your significant other do sex shows to facilitate chasing the dragon.
Getting Over Your First College Break-Up Barney Thompson wrote this You found love in your European history class. You were sitting in the middle, but more towards the back so the professor didn't really notice you. It seemed like love at first sight; in her extra-large t-shirt and Nike shorts she was a vision of perfection and individuality. You found comfort in each other during rush, confiding in her your deepest fears and most private aspirations. Then first semester gave way to winter break and her hometown ex-boyfriends ran an all-night train on her. Despite your willingness to look past her repeated acts of infidelity, your first college romance has ended. You guys were, like, totally in love! How could she do this to you? With Valentine ’s Day around the corner, this is clearly the end of the world.
6.) For the ladies, paint your nails, or some shit: Make sure you’ve got some Sara Bareilles blaring and a fridge stocked full of Boone’s Farm to chug as you sloppily apply nail polish to most of your hand to make yourself feel pretty. If you have enough self-respect to not know what Boone’s Farm is, you probably won’t need it. 5). Drunk dial your ex at least fifty times: Why didn’t it work out? You NEED to know. Not sure you should call? Vodka is sure. They may not want to celebrate Valentine’s with you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate Valentine’s with their voicemail, and later that night with AT&T’s blocked number message. 4.) Celebrate your VD with VD: There's no better way to forget love lost than finding new love and a strain of the clap. Get out, meet strangers, take shots, and then sleep with said strangers. Well, just one stranger, you slut. You’ll never see them again, but that itchiness in your fun zone will last for weeks to remind you of your night of VD passion. 3.) Be a damn man about it: Listen up, bitches. Pop in the Rambo movies. We’re talking Rambo, Rambo 2, Rambo 3, and Rambo Doesn't Want To Do Another Mission But This Missionary Chick Is Super-Hot. How is this going to help in your sorrow? Easy, you're going to take a shot of whiskey every time Rambo kills someone. Yes, every, single, time. If somehow you survive to the final film, you'll definitely forget your problems when Rambo rips a man’s throat out with his goddamned bare hands.
Alright you Betsy, that’s all the sympathy that you’re getting from here on out; this isn’t How I Met Your Mother and you don’t get a whole season to be depressed just to turn back into an asshole. Emails from the Freshmen Initiative Program are starting to pile up and professors have already assumed you’ve died. Here are some ways to get over Thomas the Slutty-Heart-Stomping-Whore Train in time to enjoy your first Valentine’s Day as a Rebel. What better way to announce that you’re over the break up than to turn your dorm room into a cougar den? You might be asking, “Where am I going to find that many classy Oxford cougars before the 14th?” That’s the easy part: Walmart’s grocery section from noon to 2:00 p.m. You can approach them one of two ways: cub in need or cub on the prowl, play to your strengths. After taking a deserved shower and visit to the free clinic, you’ll want news of your exploits to accidentally spread. This is commonly referred to as a leak; for more information, see Vanessa Hudgens’ Wikipedia page. Soon, word of your middle-aged escapades will reach somebody that you used to know, and she’ll catch wind that you don’t even need her. Man, she’s going to feel so rough. Maybe a cougar den isn’t your sexy cup of chamomile though, and that’s cool. There are plenty of other methods for moving on. You need to get your name back out there, the women of Oxford need know that Lucy Loose-Legs is a thing of the past. Nothing says, “I’m so over you letting your high school line-up put you on the bullet train to Pound Town,” like becoming known as the guy whose party turned into a flash rave in the Grove and ended with a campus-wide mob chanting your name. While you may face some prison time, you’ll never have to pay for a drink in Oxford again. None of the above sound appealing at all? There is one other method but it’s high risk, high reward. You’ll need to start with a gallon of red wine, the cheaper the better. Keep that gallon bottom up until consumed completely. Next you’ll need a bottle of rum, this is to be drank on the way to the Square. If by now you’re shitfaced beyond belief, don’t worry, that’s just the plan taking action. Once you reach the Square, the blackout should be coming on strong. You’ll want to ride it out till morning, at which point you should wake up in a stranger’s bed in clothes that aren’t yours and a newfound sense of shame and freedom. The long walk back to campus will give you time to think over the past semester. Soon you’ll be back to doing normal freshman things, like painting Kincannon’s parking lot with your party puke or convincing university’s finest that substances have nothing to do with your decision to climb a tree while holding a half-empty bottle of Bacardi Razz.
2.) Play for the other team: In light of your recent misadventures with the opposite sex, how about broadening your horizons and trying the same sex. Bow chika wow wow. Take down your sexual Berlin Wall and you’ll have plenty of opportunities. Weirded out? You won’t be after that tenth shot of Jager. As a dear friend once told us, “Love the one you’re with.” If the one you’re with happens to have the same downstairs situation going on as you, then so be it. 1.) Mail yourself a Valentine’s 3 days in advance: To pull this off, you’re going to need the best emotional therapy known to man. Everclear. Slam a few shots of nature’s paint remover and saunter down to the post office to mail yourself some Valentine’s love. You’ll get so smashed you probably won’t remember mailing the card. That is, until you see the tear stains and those drunken memories come flooding back like that time your ex told you, “Yes, that dress does make you look fat.”
Joshua Barnett wrote this
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THURSDAY - SATURDAY $1 PBR and Keystone Free Power Tower on Birthdays!
THURS, 2/7
New Karaoke w/ Cowboy Dereck 2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo, $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
Wingday Thursday! $1.50 PBR Pints Karaoke Downstairs in the Piano Bar at 9
$1 PBR and Keystone
FRI, 2/8
2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
$2 “Pre Game Shots” from 8-10 Dueling Pianos downstairs in the Piano Bar at 9 Get Some Tamales! 5.99 for 1/2 dozen, 12 for $10.99
$1 PBR and Keystone
SAT, 2/9
2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
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TUES, 2/12
$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas $1 Margaritas w/ purchase of an entree ($8 or more)
Taco Tuesday! Blackened Mahi, Fried Shrimp, Beef and Cheese, and Veggie Tacos only $1 each $2 Wells and Domestic Beers
2 for 1 Wells
WED, 2/13
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$6 Hamburger (w/ Chips or Fries) 2 for 1 Drinks
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$6 1/2 lb. Footlong Chili Cheese Dog (w/ Chips or Fries)
Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife
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FRI, 2/8
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Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife
Crawfish Boil! Penny Pitchers 9-10pm
Cornhole Tournament for a free bar tab!
SAT, 2/9
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Beer and Shot Night Buy a Beer, Get a Free Shot
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TUES, 2/12
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Flip Wednesday: Call it right, the drinks are on us!
Welfare Wednesday: $1 Any Draft Beer, $2 Wells Happy Hour 3-8pm: Free Wings!
WED, 2/13
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bartender of the week emily the round table Relationship Status: Single and ready to mingle
Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever woken up: The Sigma Nu lawn
Major: Hospitality Management
Name one thing you can’t live without: Diet Coke
Favorite Drink: Dirty Shirley: vodka, Sprite, grenadine Favorite shot: Firebal: rum, cinnamon schnapps, Tabasco sauce
What’s your number one pet peeve: When people are sketchy.
Worst drink ever: Water Moccasin: whiskey, sour, peach schnapps
When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up,and how is that working out for you: A trophy wife, that’s still to be determined.
What cartoon character would you be: Daphne from Scooby Doo
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten: Goose liver
What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on: I went on a date to the math lab once.
What’s your favorite thing about your job: Discounted drinks and hot coworkers.
If you were an article of clothing, what would you be and why: Yoga pants, because all boys love them.
What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten from a guy: Bottle of Grey Goose What’s your guilty pleasure: Talking to strangers.
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
Hockey fans everywhere are boozing hard and celebrating the end of the lockout. At the same time, the bandwagon fans are still asking what a lockout is. Pregaming with some puck guarantees a great night.
Everyone has experienced that awful moment at the pregame when you realize you brought the booze but forgot the chaser. Forget the two liter of Sprite and add some sweet flavor to your cheap, crappy vodka in a different way. Cavity vodka is a great way to get rid of that Burnett’s laying in your freezer you have yet to have the desire to drink or even look at.
What You’ll Need: A fifth and a case for every 2-3 players. Number of Players: As many as you can find who truly like hockey. So, not many. Level of Intoxication: You’ll have a nice buzz on before the last one sounds.
What You’ll Need: A handle of plain Burnett’s or any cheap vodka and a bag of your favorite kind of fruity or sour candies (Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, Mike and Ikes, Starburst). Cook Time: At least 24 hours. Be patient. Fatty Factor: Won’t cause you any heart attacks, but you should probably visit your dentist soon.
How To Play: - Take a shot of beer for every offside or icing call. - Beer bong or shotgun a beer for every fight. - Chug five seconds for every minute of penalty. - Take a shot at the end of every period. - Take a shot of beer for every shot on goal. - Take a shot for every goal. - Take two shots for every time the goalie accidentally knocks the puck in. - Take a shot for every goal your team won or lost by.
Let’s Get Baked: - Place the candy at the bottom of a large container or sort out evenly into smaller containers. - Pour vodka into the containers over the candy, leaving at least three inches at the top. - Shake the container well. - Let the container sit for at least a day; however, you will get better results if you let it sit longer, but no longer than one week. - Shake the container once in awhile so the candies’ flavors can continue to mix well with the vodka. - Drink up!
Pregame With Some Puck
The Game Ends When: When the game ends. Duh.
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The only restriction is not to use any chocolate candies. That’s just gross, man.
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What’'s the worst thing you'’ve ever received for Valentine’s Day? “Cliché teddy bear and candy, be creative boys!” - Abbie A., Junior
“A fruit bouquet. I put a lot of thought into what I gave and all I got was a fruit bouquet.” - Jen W., Sophomore
“Nothing - I don’t think I’ve ever received anything.” - Alex C., Sophomore
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we interview: justin grant wade We caught up with STEVE HOLT!... er, Justin Grant Wade, the actor who play(s/ed?) Steve Holt in the greatest show in history, Arrested Development. We had a few cocktails and the interview ran long, so be sure to check out the extended version online to see who he thinks is funnier: David Cross or Will Arnett, what the set of Greek was like, and if he ever banged Maeby. By: Quinn The Black Sheep: How long were you an actor before you got the role of Steve Holt? Justin Grant Wade: I started acting after my mom and dad were notified by my baseball coaches (and noticed themselves) how much I was a knucklehead on AND off the baseball field growing up. My mom decided to sign me up for acting class around the age of twelve. It was a summer kids course at the South Coast Repertory. I was terrified at first but then quickly adapted and continued to take classes there for many years. After that, I attended the Orange County High School of the Arts in California. That's where I began to grow and appreciate the arts. I didn't start "professionally" acting, though, until the age of 14 or 15. And by that I mean going out for TV shows and movies, having a manager and agent and whatnot. TBS: What was the audition process? Did they just ask you to say “Steve Holt!” Or did you have more lines? JGW: Funny story. Life comes around, man. I got the call from the casting director from Arrested. They were having trouble casting the role. A casting director that had worked with the casting of Frasier and many other shows I had auditioned for mentioned my name. She had seen me in a production at South Coast Repertory (that's why I never knock theater!). They had already had four or five audition rounds when I showed up. It came down to a short brown haired kid with a mop top, about a 6'5" Asian fellow in a varsity jacket, and me. You could hear everyone’s reading through the walls but of course couldn't see. Pretty much everything you see in “Bringing Up Buster” from season one was read. It seemed as though there wasn't a lot of laughing. I went last. Six people looking at me. Never met ‘em before that day. All of a sudden I'm doing my read and they're laughing - even after the audition. We said our goodbyes and a LONG 3 days of anticipation later, I had the part. The industry's funny like that. TBS: What are some projects you're working on right now? JGW: Right now I'm continuing to audition and keep on acting. I’ve been working on some writing stuff with some buddies of mine. They're in the industry, and kind of all over the place so it's fun to have actors, writers, dp's, directors and producers all coming together to write and they all have something else to bring to the table. But until then, the new Arrested project is a big goal and that's fine with me. TBS: How did the Save Steve Holt campaign begin, and where has it gone since? Has it been successful? JGW: I guess I have to start with the latter of the questions. I do know what will be going on with Steve Holt. UNFORTUNATELY, myself, and you included my dear friend Quinn, will be kept from knowing. Think of it as we're the rubber suit guys from American Horror Story and we can't unzip our creepy fetish shit until May. The SSH campaign pretty much began as a joke with my buddy Robert Adamson. He's a fantastic visual/artistic designer and fan of Arrested. He REALLY wanted to get me back on the show at all costs, so he designed the site with our buddy Nick Blancharte. I pretty much sat in the wings while they created t-shirt designs, an entire website, art pieces, business cards, etc... It was crazy. All of a sudden, I wake up one morning and he's texting me that we've already been in the Huffington Post, CNN, and a bunch others. Our Facebook fans shot from 60 or so to 2,000. The web can be nutty sometimes. None of us expected that. Next thing you know we're shipping t-shirts from AZ to NY to Australia. TBS: I imagine people constantly shout "Steve Holt" at you, what's the most awkward encounter you've had with a "STEVE HOLT!" fan? JGW: The funniest would have to be on a treadmill at the gym one time with my gal pal, Brooke. We were finishing up a good work out and we hear something. She said, "Did someone just yell?" Then we hear it more clearly, “STEVE HOLT!!!!" We turned near the door and there were two dudes with shocked faces that were giggling like little girls. I laughed and waved. They gave me the obligatory "Right on, man!" and quickly bounced. Brooke then turned to me and asked, "Do you know who that was?!" I said, "I don't know. Obviously a big fan of the show!" She laughed and said, "Yeah! But that was (some guy I can't remember his name). He's the one that was obsessed with me and asked me to homecoming like 3 years in a row!" I did remember then, and we had a good laugh. Seeing how we went to high school together. TBS: What was your most memorable on-set moment? JGW: A few good ones – too many to count though. Definitely having the conversation with Alia [Shawkat]’s mom and Michael Cera's mom before I kissed her daughter. Ali's first kiss EVER was Michael. I was 19 or so at the time, and was watching from the back of the auditorium we were filming in, unbeknownst to me that the lovely parents were sitting in the row directly in front of me. They asked, "And who do you play?" I said, "STEVE HOLT!" They laughed and said, "Oh wow. So YOU'RE the one that'll be kissing my little girl! I'm keepin’ an eye on you!" She was of course kidding (but not really) [laughs]. It went off without a hitch and we all know how the kissing cousins ended up... until the new season. See his second favorite moment on theblacksheeponline.com! It has to do with David Cross!
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
community Thursday, February 7th at 8pm on NBC
In the 4th season premiere of the cult show that's on the perpetual verge of cancellation, Community is friggin' back! Dean Pelton (Jim Rash) devises a way for students to compete for class space, while Abed (Danny Pudi) stresses about the study group breaking up after graduation. And lucky for us, Chevy Chase is still in the season (save for two episodes)! #SaveCommunity
Side Effects In theaters february 8th
Life is hard, but prescription drugs make it a lot better. When a woman (Rooney Mara) starts taking them to deal with the anxiety of her sexy husband (Channing Tatum) getting released from jail, she realizes that the side effects of said prescription drugs aren't so much fun. Directed by Steven Soderbergh, this film also stars sexy Jude Law and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Sexy, sexy, sexy.
Azealia Banks - Broke with Expensive Taste Out February 12th
Miss Azealia Banks blew up on the Internet last winter with her single "212," making her memorable with her big smile, pearly whites and slick-witted rhymes. She had been relatively silent since then, but is now breaking out with her debut studio album Broke with Expensive Taste. This'll be the test to see if she's more than just a cute girl in a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt spitting raunchy lyrics.
the madlib: my valentine’s day I may not have a significant other today, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have a kick-___1___ Valentine’s Day. For me, it’s just another ___2___ or whatever the hell day it even is. I have my own traditions that I don’t need no ___3___ tearin’ up my ___4___ and shit, not to mention my ___5___ .
I start my day like any normal ___6___ -esque badass like myself would start a day, with a ___7___-wrapped ___8___ and a side of ___9___ chips drizzled with ___10___ , and, for dessert, ___11___ and ___12___ pie. Then I head to my favorite bar, The
___13___ ___14___ . It doesn’t take long before I down a shot or 12 of ___15___ , start groping the ___16___ bartender and shouting on about ___17___ and ___18___ ’s-rights. I end my morning over to the strip club, The ___19___ ___20___. I always get a dance from my girl ___21___ ___22___ , my precious girl. I rarely make it long at the strip club because I’ve never been good at holding my liquor. Good ole’ bouncer ___23___ who could be ___24___ ’s scarier twin gets me a cab, and I make my way home. I roll a fatty of ___25___ , put on some porn, and spend the rest of my day in heaven. I love Valentine’s Day.
Meet The Staff campus manager McKenzie Griffin
marketing team Anna Beerman, Kaitlyn Brennan
editorial manager Barney Thomspon
campus director Brendan Bonham
Writers McKenzie Griffin, Barney Thomspon Joshua Barnett
owner Atish Doshi
distribution manager Austin Harrison
Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers
Promotional manager Kaitlyn Brennan
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