The Black Sheep FR
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... L at ike Va th ug e W ht hi -He sk mi ey ng sh wa ower y. s
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 3 • 2/21/13 -3/6/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_om
Student Caught Smoking On Campus Violently Arrested By UPD joshua barnett wrote this An Ole Miss student is in critical condition today at Baptist Memorial Hospital after he resisted arrest during an anti-smoking enforcement stop, according to University Police. Described as a “cancer sticktoting anarchist” by the arresting officers, the suspect’s name is Tyler Barnes, a junior at Ole Miss. While Ole Miss has officially been a smoke free campus since last fall, the administration decided to allow smokers the semester to adjust to the new rule. Starting this year, they took a no tolerance stance. Tyler decided not to take the warnings seriously, a decision he now greatly regrets from the confines of his body cast. Excited to begin the spring semester, Tyler was leaving his first class of the day when he decided to stop for a cigarette. Eyewitness reports state that he was standing far from any doors or walkways, but that meant little to University Police, as Tyler soon found out the hard way. What started as a quick smoke break between classes swiftly escalated into a violent confrontation over the school’s smoke free campus policy. Officer Janet Black, with the UPD, was on scene when the events unfolded. “Myself and my partner approached the suspect when we saw what appeared to be a lit cigarette in his hand. I couldn’t believe that someone would have the audacity to smoke a cigarette on campus after the administration has put out several notices about the no tolerance policy towards smoking. What does he want to do, give everyone on campus cancer?” Visibly distraught, Officer Black was asked if she was comfortable continuing the interview. After collecting herself, she continued, “He was just puffing away without any regards to the rules put in place to protect the students here. If the university didn’t make these rules, it would be utter chaos on campus. Have you ever seen The Road Warrior? That’s what I’m here to prevent. After I saw him toss the smoked cigarette into a bush, we knew right then that we had a violent, and possibly mentally ill, perp on our hands. At this point, I made the decision to approach the suspect with extreme prejudice.” Kelly Stricker, a sophomore accounting major, was walking across the Grove when she witnessed two UPD officers approaching Tyler. “It was so crazy. The two cops told him to pick up the cigarette and throw it in a garbage bin, but I heard him say that it wasn’t a big deal because no one was around. They said they were gonna write him
You Probably shouldn't have done that
a ticket, but he just laughed and started to walk away. That’s when they started spraying him with orange stuff and hit him with some big black clubs. He fell to the ground and started screaming in pain. I haven’t been that scared for my life since I wrecked my dad’s BMW over the break.” Officer William Perkins, Officer Black's partner that was on scene, explained that the heavy-handed tactics were necessary to subdue the suspect. “After initially spraying the suspect with mace and beating him senseless with our batons, he kept fighting. He used a tactic I like to call, ‘The Opossum.’ It's where they just lay down and act dead, but then attack when you least expect it. Of course I saw right through his ruse. At this point I pulled out my taser and finally subdued him with 50,000 volts of American justice.”
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Video from a bystander's cellphone shows Officer Perkins tasing Tyler's lifeless body into submission as he yelled repeatedly, “Stop resisting! Stop resisting!” The official UPD report states that the officers used sound judgment to implement phase one of the school’s smoking cessation plan, "positive physical reinforcement." The Black Sheep contacted the Chancellor’s office for comment on the events. While the Chancellor could not be reached for comment, his aide assured us that “everything is going according to plan,” and then let out an evil cackle. Tyler could not verbally comment because his jaw is currently wired shut, although he did blink in Morse code to our reporter, “I had no idea the campus was smoke free, I just transferred here from Iowa.”
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