Ole Miss - Issue 3 - 2/20/2014 by The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

FR BOT EE... TOM LIKE OF Y THE OUR FRIE FRI S AT END THE ’S B AG.

Vol.6, Issue 3

THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE

2/20/14 - 3/5/14

LINES, LINES, EVERYWHERE A LINE LOGAN LITTLE WROTE THIS

Oxford, MS. -- The University of Mississippi has experienced one of the strangest semesters ever this spring. Parking changes, crazy basketball games, and record-breaking cold all attribute the rampant confusion this semester. While there are some issues still being sorted out, students and faculty at the University of Mississippi have a bigger concern: lines. Yes, reports of lines, or “queues” as our neighbors in the UK say, have begun to spring up at random on the Ole Miss campus, and there seems to be nothing anyone can do about it. “Bruh, I was in The Union and I had like 10 minutes between my last class and my 2 o’ clock, you feel me homie?“says Clark “TooTurnt” Epstein, “so, I go and was gonna snag some eats and I walk in and there it was man, it was this line to the door of the Union, homie. Ain’t nobody got time for that.” “I just had to go to the bathroom really bad before my southern studies class, and everywhere I went there is a huge freaking line, even at the secret bathroom in Paris Yates where girls poop. Everywhere had a line,” reports senior Taylor Lynn McCloud. The lines have been described as “long,” “ridiculous,” and “f*cking stupid.” They have caused enough commotion at the campus for the university to call in an expert on the subject to try and figure out why these lines are appearing, and if they are controllable.

“After much research it is clear to me what the cause of the line infestation is,” stated line expert Robert Allan. “We see this in food courts all across the United States. Wherever a mediocre, oriental food chain opens, long mundane lines appear. Panda Express seems to be spawning lines at will. This is a new sort of spontaneous combustion that we have yet to scientifically understand. Y’know?” Lines are not the only thing spontaneously combusting on campus, stomach problems have been a top ailment this semester at Student Health Services. When asked about the health crises, Dr. John Ledbetter from the Health Center responded: “The amount of stomach issues on campus right now is alarming, I’ve filled out more prescriptions for Imodium and adult diapers than I ever have in my life, not to mention this awful line appearing randomly at the Health Center. Ain’t nobody got time for that.” Professors, too, are fed up with the lines appearing because of Panda Express. Tardies and absences have sky rocketed nearly 67% this semester and it’s thought Panda Express is to blame. Students report standing for hours and, in some cases, days waiting for their oriental plate. “The amount of adult diapers in class is extremely distracting as well, they’re made of very squeaky material,” states Writing 101 instructor Caleb Varnadad, “and kids are always in line to leave and go to the restroom, it’s become a literal shit show.”

Line expert Robert Allan notes the only hope for the university is to implement a “fast pass” type of program, which is used at locations like Disney World, where line outbreaks are a constant threat. The university is also working with the Aramark and the Health Center to help provide students with free adult diapers.

Aramark’s decision to take away Magnolia Kitchen and replace it with a Panda Express was a move that some called “bold” and others called “risky.” When asked, a sobbing Aramark employee, stated, “We thought that Panda Express was going to be a positive choice for the school, people were tired of eating the same thing so we wanted to mix it up. We just didn’t know

what would happen. WE DIDN’T KNOW!” Without no sign of the lines slowing in growth, Ole Miss students must stay hopeful that we will live to see a time where you can get mediocre oriental food in a timely manner, and void your bowels with a sense of pride and control.

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PROLIFIC RHYMES WITH PSYCHOTIC

TOP 10: THINGS AN OLE MISS REBEL NEVER SAYS

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Roommates Still Won’t Tell Friend How He

Pooped His Pants Three Years Ago “A daytime keg race seemed like a good idea,” graduating senior Tyler Warshaw whispered through a thousandyard stare, “it was a warm spring day, birds woke me up that morning. Isn’t it funny how you remember the small things?” “What you left in those drawers of yours was no small thing,” friend, former roommate, and tormentor Bryce Montaw heckles, elbowing Warshaw in his ribs. It’s been almost three years since Warshaw arrived home at his apartment reeking of raw sewage fermented in beer farts. To this day, neither of his roommates accompanying

Tyler to the party will tell him about the incident. “It was super-gross,” Bryce notes, “[roommate] Dan and I made him sleep in the shower. We set our alarm clocks so we could get up in the middle of the night to turn the shower on just to mess with him. Drunk idiot.” “Listen, I’m just looking for answers,” Tyler pleads with Bryce, “like, did I poop my pants at the party and then leave, or was it on my way home or what? It’s killing me, man.” “I dunno,” Montaw wryly responds. “I KNOW YOU KNOW!” Tyler cries out through tears. “You guys are such assholes,” Tyler moans, “I had to stop hanging out with that whole group because I don’t know if they know I pooped my pants. I was pretty close with those guys! I went on spring break with them that year!” Montaw cracks a smile, “Speaking of assholes, remember that time your asshole had a bunch of poop come out of it and then it went into your pants like you’re a fuckin’ 4-year-old or something?”

FEMINIST LEARNS TO TAKE A JOKE After several painstaking weeks of passive -aggressive and backhanded comments between the men and women of the Intro to Gender Studies lecture, the tension finally broke when a feminist laughed at a sexist joke. At approximately 2:34 p.m., avid women’s activist and feminazi Jackie Goldman was sent into a giggle fit after pledge bitch Rob Ignolia muttered a simple chauvinistic comment. “She was going on about how fraternities are ‘incubators of the perpetuating gender roles’ and that our university promoted misogyny through a strong, malecentric Greek life,” commented Ignolia, “She was pissing me off so all I said was, ‘Who let her out of the kitchen?’” Sources report that Goldman stared at Ignolia for a few moments before she burst into tears from laugher. In a mixture of shock from the men and disgust from the women, the entire class could only watch as her laughs shook the very foundation of feminism.

According to the Feminist Manifesto, acknowledgement of a kitchen joke by a woman r e g r e s s e s t h e w o m e n’s movement by at least fifty years. Dire consequences such as these provide a comprehensive explanation as to why many feminists have a perpetual stick up their ass. When asked to comment on her episode, Goldman stated, “After years of ignoring bigoted comments and enduring antifeminism jokes, I couldn’t take it anymore. All I’ve ever wanted was

to be treated as an equal. I guess that means learning to laugh with the boys.” After the incident, Gender Studies professor Dr. Sarah Alback immediately dismissed the class and promptly failed Goldman for breaking the GS Code of Conduct. Unfazed by the ordeal, Goldman reportedly returned to her dorm room to replace her shrine of Hillary Clinton with Twilight books and a vinyl copy of the single “Blurred Lines.” Sammie Sea wrote this

Brendan wrote this

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PROLIFIC RHYMES

WITH PSYCHOTIC BARNEY THOMPSON WROTE THIS

Oxford, MS -- Ole Miss freshman Lloyd Cahloonigy has been put under psychiatric observation by the university after submitting the final draft of an abstract adolescent exploration assignment to his creative writing professor Rick Stubenberry. The short story Cahloonigy wrote, titled “The Toys’ Box,” has been placed in a vault 800 feet below The Grove, never be seen again if there is any justice in this world. However, Cahloonigy stands 100% behind his short story. “I don’t get the big deal,” said Cahloonigy from his padded cell. “It’s not like I’m actually going to make a bionicle drilldo, aside from the tech for it simply not being there, I meant that as a metaphor for the battle of adolescence and adulthood. I’m just trying to express a life of unexplored options. Do what feels right, y’know?” When asked to expand on his concept of free love, Cahloonigy began grinding himself against the door to his cell and singing “Home Sweet Home” by Motley Crue. No further information could be gathered from him. After reading the short story, Professor Stubenberry fell into a three-daylong state of shocked silence. Everything he knew to be wholesome and good was shattered by Cahloonigy’s work. His left had become right, and

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right had become Transformers fanfic. Still recovering from the reading, Professor Stubenberry spoke to us regarding the short story. “His story was the last left to grade, all the others had been your typical freshman topics, pro-nudity and damn the man type stuff,” said Stubenberry as he barely held back tears. “His though, it was different. He took such sweet toys and used them for such evil. Such heinous, colonic evil.” The professor broke as he began crying in a manner best described as a donkey choking on a really big spoon of pudding. After taking a moment to collect himself and wipe the tears away, he continued. “I thought something didn’t seem right when the story started with the phrase, ‘Tantalizingly moist Beanie Babies,’ but I didn’t listen to my gut,” said Stubenberry, noticeably more collected. “I should have stopped there, but I didn’t. I finished the whole damn thing.” Cahloonigy’s parents arrived on campus soon after being notified by the university. When asked what they thought of their son’s short story, their opinions were less than unified. “I don’t see what the big deal is, I

thought the drilldo part was very inspired and the structuring was quite suspenseful, you couldn’t wait for the big finish,” said mother of Lloyd, Beatie Cahloonigy. Lloyd’s father shed some light on their son’s younger years, citing an event from his childhood. “I always thought there was something off about him ever since I walked into his room and caught him doin’ a strip show for a bunch o’ Cabbage Patch Kids. Damnedest thing,” said father Buck. Lloyd was an expressive child according to Beatie, who backed up her claim with anecdotal evidence. “Little Lloyd has always been the creative type. I walked by his room one time and he was cutting the eyes out of a Charizard poster. I wasn’t sure what he needed the eyes for, but you know how kids are,” said Beatie. She added, “He’s always been my quirky angel.” Professor Rick Stubenberry has since returned to teaching, though memories of Cahloonigy’s story still haunt his dreams. “It’s still a struggle at times to move past what I read,” said Stubenberry. “That Furby part really fucked me up.”

CURRENT EVENTS

THE

TOP

TEN

THINGS A REBEL NEVER SAYS KNOWLTON BOURNE WROTE THIS

Here at Ole Miss we’re open to new experiences just like any other southern-raised, god-fearing, red-blooded conservative, but there are some things even a Rebel can’t bring themselves to say.

STUDENT UNION TO BE TURNT UP CHANNING GREEN WROTE THIS The University of Mississippi has announced plans to begin renovating the Student Union this summer, in hopes to have it ready for the fall semester of 2018. The Union has always been a high-traffic place for students and campus visitors, especially during football season. The renovations will be mostly focus on accommodating young and old drunks who are celebrating football season in the Grove. Among the many additions, a nine-foot-tall whiskey fountain as well as a smaller, slightly less ostentatious vodka fountain are to be a installed in what is now the commons area of the Union. “Oh yeah, right on. I can totally see that as being an awesome contribution to the campus,” said selfproclaimed frat star and clairvoyant Parker McGotez. “And it’s gonna be mostly whiskey, right? Vodka for the ladies, whiskey for a grown man. So that’ll be good. And sanitary. Alcohol kills germs, right? Yeah, it does. Safety first. Totes McGotez.” An apparel store is also expected to make an appearance in this newly-revised student center. Along with the standard red and blue sundresses for its women clientele, the store will be selling men’s Game Day Onesies®. The outfits will feature a mock-button-up top, available in both very navy and less-but-still-exceptionally-navy blue, with a sewn-on bottom of khaki pants with brown loafers attached via diamond-patterned bootsies, forming one piece of clothing. The top portion of the onesie is fastened with a neck-or completely un-ironic bowtie. The top and bottom sections are connected with a whale-patterned Vineyard Vines belt. This new apparel option for guys is intended to

prevent unfortunate things like an untucked shirt or, game day gods forbid, an improper exaction of Grove Attire that results in a public flogging and having your entire bloodline excommunicated from Oxford until the end of time. Not to be left out, marginalized or generalized, the prettier half of the Greek system will be showing their intense school pride. Sorority stickers printed with slogans carefully crafted by an intenselyvetted marketing team of four sophomore IMC majors can also be picked up throughout the newly-renovated Union. The Delta Phi sorority has even announced the release of a new unusually combative line of stickers printed with “Delta Phi or Prepare to Die” and “Delta Phi will Ensure the Safety of Your Family. Do Not Question Us,” among others. For the Grove’s older tent-popping attendees, the Union renovation promises an area for visitors to buy adult-sized Lunchables, cheese trays, and those little cocktail weenies that no tent on campus would dare go a game day without during the blessed months of SEC football. When University of Mississippi spokesperson Shilly Montana was asked about how all of this would affect the student eateries already established in the Union, she insisted that there will be no need for food and that it’s an unnecessary concern. The number one side effect of consuming food is increasing the volume intake required to achieve pinnacle intoxication. “Look at these made-to-scale models of the whiskey and vodka fountains,” the spokeswoman added. “That is the dopest shit we have ever done, and you’re worried about food? Whatever, nerd. Don’t you have some recreational reading to do?”

10.) “Shit man, I’m really glad I ate that Chicfil-A sandwich from the Union.”: After freshman year runs its course, Chicfil-A and the rest of the post-apocalyptic wasteland that is the Student Union is about your only option for campus food. So, buckle up and know that you’ll have to endure another tepid Chic-fil-A sandwich from the Union, at least until you get a little money for writing your roommate’s paper for him. 9.)“ I just wish the Oxford Police Department patrolled a little harder.”: We’ve all been there: on the Square at one in the morning, multiple Bud Lights deep, wondering how the hell we’re going to get home. Instead of risking a boat-load of money and time on a DUI, just take the high road and rip that Razor Scooter of yours on home where you can ingest all the beer you want without worrying about getting nailed by the police state that is Oxford, MS. 8.) “I really feel like my dorm room is the pinnacle of all things comfort.”: The dorms at Ole Miss are just a notch up from internment camps. Everything smells like shit, no one has any understanding of personal space or the fact that dead animals do not belong in the urinals. 7.) “Dammit, all the women’s gender and sensitivity classes are filled up.”: Ole Miss students are required to take a few classes that don’t pertain to our majors in order to tell ourselves that we really broadened our horizons. Although some of the more obscure liberal arts classes might sound interesting, we recommend taking jogging, scuba diving, or falconry. You’ll use a falcon call way more than that $400 gender textbook in years to come; falcons are excellent wingmen. 6.) “Nah man, I don’t need to borrow a Scantron, I keep a few on me at all times.”: It’s five minutes before class and you have a steaming hot test about to pummel your GPA into the grave. Little did you know, you need a green scantron to take the test. Classic. Scantrons on test days are like finding quality entertainment on day time television. It’s a huge hassle we all hate dealing with. 5.) “The music they’re playing at this party sounds like an ambulance siren and an electric drill having sex.”: Electronic Dance Music, or EDM, is a popular genre of music for the typical college party. You can turn the lights off and flail your body parts while consuming your body weight in Evan Williams. What’s not to love? No one wants to hear “Tangled Up in Blue” at a frat party, so just chug that obnoxious amount of alcohol and rub your body all over some poor undeserving soul. 4.) “Nah man, I can’t go out for wings tonight. I’m vegan.”: Veganism may be the animal-conscious choice for many who like saying, “I’m vegan” more than they actually like being one, but this choice of diet is not popular for the Ole Miss student. If they’re selling wings for .45 cents and pitchers for $1.50, then you best believe that’s where we’re spending our meager amount of money on food. 3.) “Shit, I have to go. We’re all watching Downton Abbey at the frat house tonight.”: While many do enjoy the critically acclaimed BBC period piece that details the lives of aristocratic England and their help in the early 20th century, Crank 2 and Breaking Bad are much more viable choices for the Netflix of an Ole Miss Rebel. 2.) “I can’t make it to the Grove this weekend, I have a test that I really need to study for.”: We all have those stressful classes, tests and projects that make being run over by a bulldozer sound appealing, but when it comes to game day in the Grove, all of your obligations are null and void. Chugging beer in the Grove is up there with Michael Jordan and America. It’s super awesome. 1.) “I love the parking situation on campus, really solid planning on the University’s part.”: The parking on campus is about as good as… well, the parking on campus. It’s inevitable, as the demand for parking goes up the supply goes down. It’s like that economics class you day drank your way through.

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ON THE STREETS WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER BEEN WOKEN UP BY? Erin

“The guy I brought home the night before had a seizure the next morning. My friends had to take him to the hospital, I went to IHOP instead.”

Jackie

“My brother’s ex-girlfriend climbing our roof because she wanted to run away and wanted him to join her.”

Mike

“After four weeks of no music, a drill sergeant woke us up with show tunes, which was stuck in our heads for weeks.”

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s w e i v r e t n I p e e h S k c a l B The

n o s p m o h T y e n r a By: B

The Black Sheep: Early on when you guys were still trying to get your name out there, were promoters apprehensive to book a hip-hop/jazz live electronic act? Jeremy Salken: It was definitely a challenge in the beginning. Both of us had been in groups before so we had a lot of experience looking for promoters, digging through JamBase, looking for venues, and trying to find contacts. We were super lucky that early on we kind of both said to each other that we want to do this right. We didn’t want to pick just any show, we wanted to make sure we’re making the most of any gig we do and that we’re getting in front of the audience that we needed. Kind of along with that, we were lucky to team up with Sound Tribe in the beginning of our career and that got us in front of a crowd that had similar music taste, so we weren’t just in front of random people staring at us like, “What the hell are you doing?” TBS: How has the demographic of your crowds changed since Big Gigantic started touring? JS: Oh man, it’s interesting; it actually got a lot younger. In the beginning the focus was on a lot of over-21 shows. All our shows went from twelve to two or one to three in the morning, we’d play these super late shows. That was the thing, especially opening for Sound Tribe and then doing late nights for them, we’d be playing to these older kids. Then we noticed as EDM got a lot more popular that the age dropped and all the sudden there were freshmen and sophomores in college coming out, then there were high schoolers. As it got younger we started playing earlier to accommodate doing 18+ shows. So, there were things like that, that were sort of techniques we were using to get everyone we could involved, because ultimately we just want to play for everybody that we possibly can. There’s no reason to cut anybody out. It’s been cool to see the younger fanbase come into the genre, ‘cause they’re all really positive. Our shows are some of the first concerts they’ve ever been to, and I think you get a different bond with the band because of that. It’s nothing but love and you guys just wanna have a good time. TBS: Totally. How have you guys evolved your writing process and kept your sound fresh over the years? JS: Dom handles the writing, and while

it’s evolved a little bit, it’s always pretty much been the same. He’s really into checking out as many different styles of music as possible, and that’s what we both did on our instruments growing up. We would want to learn a style, or if you were in a group you’d try to play that and mimic it. He’s taken that concept into producing and he’ll hear a tone that Skrillex or Bassnectar or Dylan does, you know anybody really. He’ll be like, “Okay cool. I want to see if I can take that and put my own spin on it and make it my own.” The way he writes, because he’s so knowledgeable with music since he went to school for that is probably a little different than most producers. He has a really heavy knowledge of chords, structure, modes and all those things that evoke different emotions which really helps him write more intricate, emotional songs. Not that one approach is better than the other; we’re just trying to do something new with it. TBS: That’s really the whole point of it, right? Creating something unique to you. JS: Yeah, exactly. The songs evolve and that’s got us psyched about the new album. It’s another evolution of Big G. TBS: Talking about the next evolution, for your new album The Night is Young did you guys go in with a theme or concept behind it?

and there, if I made $100 I was psyched. My reality then was that if I wanted to play music I was going to have to find a job to supplement my income.

JS: Not really. It started pretty organically with Dom trying to make these tracks about what he’s feeling at that time, trying to stay true to the Big G sound but also push it forward at the same time. I mean, we’ve been working on it for the last year and a half. He’s really been working on these tracks, we’ve been playing them live for a little bit and tweaking them based on crowd reactions. We’re constantly in the process of evolving the tune and finally we reached a spot where we’re like, “this is good, let’s put it out.”

We were really fortunate that with Big G after about a two year span we realized that this is not only a full time job but a realistic way to support ourselves. Obviously, you have to keep touring to do that.

TBS: Big Gigantic’s been around for a while now, it’s essentially a staple in the live electronic scene. How did it feel when you realized that this was something you were going to be able to do as a career? JS: It’s still crazy to me that we’re able to do what we do. When we first went into it, we had both been in bands before and had done pretty much every kind of gig you could do from weddings to jazz clubs, I’ve even played a gig at Target before. When I was doing that I’d make $50 here

TBS: That’s something I’ve noticed. You guys do some serious touring. On your current tour you’ve got maybe four days off throughout the whole thing. JS: Yeah, it’s kind of crazy. We’re literally doing like 20-something shows in 25 days, but it’s gonna be really fun. We’re hitting some really good markets, everybody’s psyched and the dates are selling really well. We’re only going for about three and a half weeks so we wanted to make it as action packed as we could and little digs just kept popping up, we have a run of like nine shows back to back. It’s gonna be a good one for sure. TBS: Big Gigantic has played in Oxford a few times now, but when you guys first saw it on your tour schedule were you surprised to see a town in deep south Mississippi and that it had an ac-

tive EDM scene? JS: Dom and I actually plan out the whole tour. We sit down with our booking agent and try to figure it out. We’re very involved in that process. We’re out on the road a lot so we have a good idea of where we want to go and where people are that want to see us. I’ve been to Oxford before Big G. I played a gig at, I think, Proud Larry’s years ago, so I knew that it’s such a great college town with a lot of kids that are into music. Originally we weren’t scheduled to come to Oxford, but the last Sunday we’re in like Florida and I knew we had these gigs Friday and Saturday in Colorado. We had a whole week to get across the country, so we Twanted to fill it up. I knew going back to The Lyric that it would be a good spot, we love it there and have always felt super-welcome. After talking to the guys there and finding out Fat Tuesday was open, we were like, that’s perfect. That’s the best time to go. TBS: How planned out are your sets since you have the live instruments, sax and drums, to work with? JS: There’s sort of a general outline of that Dom has in his Ableton set, but the

way he has Ableton set up he can bounce around between pretty much all of our tracks. So, there isn’t really setlist that a band might have, but there’s an outline that he can adjust depending on what the crowd is into. TBS: On the album’s title track, you guys collaborated with Cherub. How’d that come about? JS: Well those guys have been homies for a while and Dom has worked on tracks of theirs before and we’ve always talked about doing a track with them. This new album just seemed like a perfect time to do something, so we hit those guys up and were really lucky to get them on. I think that track is something people are gonna love. It’s something a little different, we never really do stuff with vocals. TBS: Any news acts coming up that you’re really excited about? JS: Man, there’s so much stuff out there. Cashmere Cat is super dope. Really into Flume, he’s great and definitely pushing boundaries. The guys opening up for us on the tour, Manic Focus and Gladiator, they’re doing some really cool shit. There’s just a lot of good music out there right now.

WHEREVER YOU NEED TO GO,

AUSTIN TAXI CAN GET YOU THERE

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READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

Relationship Status: Currently in a Relationship Major: Business Management

BARTENDER

Favorite Drink: Vodka Redbull Favorite Shot: AstropopVodka, sweet and sour, sugar shaken with layered grenadine and blue Curacao.

ROCKSTAR

Disgusting Drink: Cement mixer Who was the best bar patron you’ve ever had?: An older U.S Marine Veteran who always told me the funniest war stories.

OF THE WEEK

What drink best encapsulates your dancing style?: A lemon drop because I drop it like it’s hot.

Traci of Irie

DRINKING GAME Bar Hop Hide-n-Seek

Where’s the best place to hide in this bar?: The walk-in cooler.

Five words to describe the current state of your checking account: Way better than it was. If you had to compete in one thing to save the earth, what would that thing be?: Beerpong or darts What euphemism for sex is your favorite?: Horizontal Mambo What’s something you believe in that other people think you’re crazy for believing?: The best cure for a hangover is a shot of whiskey. Say, do you know where I can score some Percocet?: Not at all. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: It really keeps you informed of all the events happening in Oxford.

RECIPE for DISASTER Stupid Salad

Yeah, drinking in a bar can be fun, but doesn’t it get a little boring after a while? That’s why you need to bar hop across campus. And not only that, but bar hop in style as well. Here’s a game that will keep you interested… and drunk!

You need some brain power before your big exam? You don’t know what kind of food will give you more of that power? Neither do we! We’re not scientists. Going green is probably your safest bet, so get off the couch and light up the grill! You’ve got a stupid salad to make, stupid.

What You’ll Need: A group of friends, $10-15 per person and enough energy to bar hop for a few hours. Number of Players: Preferably at least seven people – one person to hide and six others to split into groups of two or three. Level of Intoxication: Depends on how good of a guesser you are!

What You’ll Need: One package of lettuce (it will look just like a bag of green leaves), one handful of croutons, ¼ pound of grilled chicken (don’t grab a real chicken, they will bite) and a bottle of thousand island dressing. Make sure you only buy one, not a thousand. Stupid. Cook Time: You’ve got nothing but time. Fatty Factor: Lettuce has negative calories.

How to Play: - Meet your friends at your favorite bar on campus. Find a place to sit and order a drink. - Have everyone take out $10-15 and throw it in the middle of the table. - Chug your drinks. First one to finish grabs the money in the pot and heads out to a different bar. - The losers must stay behind and order at least one more drink. - The person with the money hides at another bar on campus, drinking with the money given to him or her. Don’t be a dick, though. Don’t buy rounds for the whole bar. - After waiting 20 minutes and finishing their drinks, the losers must split up into two teams to go out to find the hidden friend. - Every time a team enters a bar to find the person with the pot money, they must order at least one drink while searching there. -The teams continue to search for the missing friend, going from bar to bar on campus. - The person with the pot money is not allowed to leave their bar once they have gone inside.

Let’s Get Baked: - Put the lettuce in the bowl. What are you, stupid? - Warm up a skillet to, like, 7 or 8 or medium-high on your stove or whatever. - Put the slab of chicken on the grill and cook until there’s no more pink on the meat or else you’ll get salmonella (salmonella = puke-ma-nella). - OH MY GOD LOOK OUT FOR THE KNIFE! - Safely use your knife to cut up your grilled chicken and mix it in the bowl with your lettuce and croutons - Pour some thousand island dressing on it, and you’ve got yourself a stew! (You’ll actually have a salad. Stupid.)

The Game Ends When: A team finds the hidden friend and continues to drink away the remaining money in the pot with him or her.

A normal salad might not be filling on its own, but with the added ingredient of grilled chicken, you should find yourself well on your way to a stuffed evening. If this doesn’t help you pass your test, then we don’t know what will! Maybe studying or going to class might help ... stupid.

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THIS IS (YO MOMMA) JEOPARDY! Welcome to Jeopardy!, I’m your host, Alex Trebek. Today’s game features a special theme: Yo momma jokes. Can you identify the four categories of yo momma jokes portrayed here? Email us at Jeopardy@theblacksheeponline.com with the four correct categories and you’ll win a prize!

the madlib

scrolling through twitter

Whoops, here we go again. I was sitting on the bus, on my way to ___1___’s apartment, trying to drink some ___2___ and maybe play some ___3___, you know, really chill out for a bit. But then I got on Twitter and I became stressed.

So then I tweeted, “Heading to ___15___’s to zen out. Namaste.”

Almost instantly ___16___ favorited my tweet and I instantly felt self-conscious. Namaste? What the fuck! I’ve only done yoga once and it was during ___4___ tweeted a picture of herself licking a bottle spring break ___17___ and I ended up leaving half of ___5___ with her legs wrapped around ___6___ way through because I was___18___-hungover and with the caption, “YOLO, gettin’ mad ___7___and puking. getting turnt up in ___8___!” I was like, okay that ___9___ but low-key I was jealous. Should I be do- By the time I got off the bus, all I wanted to do was rip shots of ___19___. And wouldn’t you know it, I ing the same? walked into my friend’s living room and saw her Then I saw The Onion tweeted a headline, “19-year- drinking from a fifth. old Says Her Future as a ___10___ Will Go Well, ___11___ Laughs.” But that’s what I’m studying!!! “I was just sitting on Facebook and started feeling What, should I change my major to ___12___ and really bad about myself,” she said, looking at me with never drink and stay in ___13___ all day and night already glossed-over eyes. “And I have ___20___ in the oven.” I walked over to her, took a swig, gave her and just chain smoke ___14___??? UGH. a hug, and realized everything was alright.

1) Friend 2) Type of beer 3) Old-school game 4) Young female celebrity 5) Liquor 6) Gangster rapper 7) Slang for intoxicated 8) Major city 9) Derogatory term for women 10) Career 11) World leader 12) Hard major 13) Main library name 14) Cigarette brand 15) Friend from #1 16) Annoying acquaintance 17) Year you graduated from high school 18) Fruity drink 19) Popular liquor 20) Dessert

THE LEVEE HAS YOU COVERED

ALL WEEK LONG!

MONDAY! HAPPY HOUR: $0.25 WINGS, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL NIGHT: $2 PITCHERS TUESDAY! HAPPY HOUR: $10 BURGER & BOTTOMLESS BEER, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL NIGHT: 2-FOR-1 WELLS AND SHOOTERS WEDNESDAY! HAPPY HOUR: 2-FOR-1 APPETIZERS AND $3 WELL WHISKEY, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL NIGHT: $2 WELLS AND $1 DRAFTS

WEEKLY SPECIALS

NOW SERVING!

BACK ALLEY BBQ Back

Ribs – Pull

To-Go Orders Welcom

MONDAY

$6 Half Slab of Ribs, $1 Mystery Beer

TUESDAY

– Appetize rs –

Smoked BBQ Nachos

House fried tortilla chips smothered with your choic pulled pork or smo ked chicken,cheese sauce, and BBQ sauce. $9.00 jalapenos add $.50

Half-off Quesadillas, $2 House Wine Sausage and Cheese

Smoked sausage with cheddar and pepper jack cheese spears, and jalapen os. $9.00

Bacon Cheese Fries

THURSDAY! HAPPY HOUR: $5 CHICKEN FINGER BASKET AND FRIES, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL

NIGHT: 2-FOR-1 WELLS, DOMESTICS AND SHOOTERS UNTIL 10PM

FRIDAY! HAPPY HOUR: 2-FOR-1 SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICHES, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL SATURDAY! HAPPY HOUR: $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL

1008 JACKSON AVE E OXFORD, MISSISSIPPI

Basket of tasty frie

WEDNESDAY

2 Sandwiches for $10, $3 Well Whiskey Drinks

FRIDAY

$8 Brew and Cue (BBQ Sandwich, Beer and Fries)

s topped with cheese and bacon. $5 Rebel Nachos House fried tortilla chips topped with a crea my sausag cheese dip. $9.00

THURSDAY

Mozzarella Sticks

Battered mozzarella deep fried served with spicy ranch dipping sauce. 8.00

Half Price Apps.– until Sandwich es – 7pm, 2 for 1 Wells from 7-10:30pm Regular / Jumbo BBQ

Served with fries.

1/4 # of Hickory smo ked pulled pork with slaw / 1/2 # of Hickory smoked pull ed pork with slaw. 8.00 / 9.00

Beef Brisket

Our beef brisket, seas oned and smoked for hours for a de smoky flavor and chop ped served on texas toast. 9.00 Burger

HAPPY HOUR!

Eight ounces of bee f, pickle, onions, lett uce, and tomato mustard and mayo on a ciabatta bun. $8.0 0

Bacon Cheese Burger

Eight ounces of bee f, cheddar or pepper jack cheese, and tw slices of bacon on a ciabatta bun. $9.50

Monday - Friday: $2 Domestics, $3 Imports, $4 Wells, $1 Off Top Shelf The Don Vito

Chicken breast saut eed with onions and tomatoes in a white wine sauce, provolo ne cheese, and ranc h dressing served on ciabatta bun. $9.50 a

The Swog Style Pork

A fried pork loin toss ed in a house made buffalo sauce with lettuce, tomato, onio ns, brown sugar bac on, pepper jack cheese and a fried egg on a ciabatta bun . $10.00

– Quesadil la

s–

Hickory smoked Pull

ed Pork

1/2 # Pulled pork, ched

dar cheese, BBQ sauc

Beef Brisket

e 9.00

Hickory smoked Bris ket, onions, peppers , cheddar cheese with BBQ sauce on the side 9.00

132 COURTHOUSE SQUARE | (662) 513-0588 Chicken

Smoked or Seared Chic ken with onions, pep pers, cheddar cheese served with salsa and sour crea m 9.00 Warning: Consumptio

n of undercooked

meat, poultry, eggs,

or seafood may increa