The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 4 • 3/21/13 -4/3/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_om
Broke Ole Miss Junior
had Awesome Spring Break Alone In Oxford Joshua barnett wrote this While most students were blackout drunk not making any memories on the beaches of the Gulf of Mexico, one Ole Miss student was left behind. He’s not mad about it, seriously. “I had a great time just chilling out last week,” said Ole Miss junior Tyler Hancock. “It was awesome, I got a lot of school work done. I’m not mad I didn’t have enough money to chip in for gas, or that my friends completely ditched me. It’s all good.” While Tyler insists that he had a wonderful experience that “brought [him] closer to God,” his friends seem to disagree. “Yeah, Tyler’s pissed,” said his roommate and friend of four years Gregory Ryan. “I felt bad for him, but he couldn’t afford the gas or chip in for the hotel. It’s not like we’re not allowed to have fun just because he wasted all this semester’s loan money at the Square.” Tyler still seems to disagree with his friend’s statement. “I don’t know what Greg is talking about. I didn’t even really want to go. Sure, I’ve never had a chance to go before because I wanted to wait until I was 21, but it’s really not a big deal. I was so productive last week, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m halfway through a 5,000 piece puzzle with no corners. No corners, motherfucker. No. Corners.” Tyler’s parents, Tim and Susan, offered their opinions on their son’s week of spring break adventure in Oxford. “Tyler’s a great kid. I’d like to help him out, but I feel like he needs to learn a lesson about being self-sufficient. My dad taught me the hard way in the mountains of Kentucky. He kicked me out at the age of 12 with nothing but a Bowie knife and five feet of rope. If I can go from strangling squirrels to survive to being a partner in a respectable law firm, Tyler can do without spring break,” said Tyler’s father. His mother offered a different opinion. “I feel so bad for my little Ty-Ty. He works so hard to get good grades and couldn’t even join in with his friends for spring break. I know they were just going to the beach to relax and maybe fish, but it’s just not fair that he had to sit in Oxford all alone.” Chad Thomas, another friend of Tyler’s that went on the self-described “Epic 2013 rage-fest,” expressed concern for his friend.
Slaving Away for Spring Break
“I heard he started knitting over the break. Like, what the hell man? I think Tyler’s gone off the deep end. I would say he didn’t miss out on much, but let’s just say we went to jail two out of six nights, which is pretty freakin’ awesome if you ask me.”
to a book club and debated the responsibility of man towards his fellow man, capitalism, and the pitfalls of communism. It was great. I don’t think I would have had that much fun getting completely wasted and hooking up with chicks from other schools.”
Tyler’s Xbox Live account has been extremely active over the last week, with his Gamerscore increasing from a casual 3,000 to over 20,000. “It’s not like that’s all I did,” stressed Tyler. “I actually had time to watch Atlas Shrugged. I so get Ayn Rand now. I even went
When asked if he has plans for his senior spring break next year, Tyler said, “I can only hope next year is as great as this year. I don’t know how I’m going to top it but, I’m just hoping I’ll get around to reading War and Peace. “
what'’s inside
Chlamydia Attacks PCB, Ole Miss Students left Itchy
Mississippi is the last state to outlaw slavery, but it's better late than never!
Alcohol, Hangover, Chlamydia… why do they insist on ruining Spring Break for us?
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bartender of the week Aubrey from Funky's could live off of Bud Light, steak and beef jerky, like any real man.
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