Ole Miss - Issue 4 - 10/16/2013 by The Black Sheep

Vol.5, Issue 4

The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

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10/17/13 - 10/30/13

We Might Be Terrible People BY: Barney Thompson With Rebel football back in Oxford for a while, we’re already falling back into the habit of drunken land rushing and blackout Groving, but how did the businesses of Oxford’s Square handle the tailgating drought? Home games are a source of Uncle Scrooge-sized revenue, so you might expect the stores of The Square to drool over game weekends in Oxford. However, this doesn’t seem to be the case. Luckily your faithful source of hard-hitting news, The Black Sheep, is here to quell the questions burning deep in your loins, right next to the herpes. So we gathered our wits, put away the blotters, and hit the streets to get some answers. Our first stop was at a gas station revered for its late night cuisine, primarily the robustly flavored chicken-on-a-stick. The clerks here were not the most helpful; one kept complaining about how he wasn’t even supposed to be there because it was his day off. The other kept throwing balls of paper at us and wouldn’t shut up about a cousin who broke his neck in a fellatio accident. The only real comment we were able to get out of this location was from a longhaired, shady-looking fellow out front who allowed us the knowledge that he had the “best ganj west of your mom’s snatch gash.” What he showed us though looked to be mostly lawn clippings mixed with parsley and pubic hairs. We do have to commend the business on their sticked chicken though, it was like tasting the first dream ever imagined while riding Alf through a deep fryer.

We decided to ask some of Oxford’s more fashion-forward clerks how they had fared through the stretch of away games. They were all in agreement: keep the games away. When asked in more detail why they detested their student clientele, one girl, Paige, offered a reason through anecdote: “The worst thing I saw had to be when this polite-looking girl couldn’t squeeze into a dress the night before game day. I offered to find her a size up, but she didn’t care for that. What happened next was just awful. She stripped down in the middle of the store and she-- she started shitting on the dress. I’ve never seen that much anger and determination on someone’s face before. What haunts me is that she wouldn’t break eye contact, and I couldn’t look away, I just couldn’t.” Paige broke down at this point as the shop filled with consoling coos from the rest of the staff. We quickly made our leave. Just a few stores down we found ourselves in a t-shirt shop, a chat with the clerk, Gerald, was quite revealing. It would seem Ole Miss’ student body is a bunch of sociopaths with drinking problems: “A couple weeks ago this huge group of sorority girls came in, a few of them had their boyfriends, and bought every large and extra-large shirt I had, but it wasn’t enough. They started yelling terrible things about my mom and great aunt, things auntie would never do. I managed to herd them out, but they weren’t done yet. I looked up from the register and there’s a car driving straight for my store! Who drives a car into a store? We had so many mediums!” Gerald started bawling into a comical shirt about “Mississippi State and poop.”There seemed

page 4

The Costumeless Conundrum

Some people are too cool (and apathetic) to care about Halloween.

to be a pattern developing. In order to get as wide a view as possible, we tracked down some cooks hanging around the Mexican place. When asked how they felt about the lack of football in the past four weeks, one worker had this to say, “Man the students can stay gone. They come in after an Ole Miss win and ask

for the stupidest shit. Last time I made a chicken quesadilla with no cheese. I’ve never cooked anything I respected that little.” We tried talking to some clerks at the bookstore, but they just kept suggesting late 19th, early 20th century authors we should have read before middle school if we even consider ourselves “wordies.”

Ole Miss has been named the most beautiful campus with the best looking students, but has all the praise gone to our heads? The answer seems to be that, yes, it has. What other reason is there to explain shitting on dresses and driving cars into business fronts? We might be a campus of narcissistic wackjobs, but it’s good to have the Rebel family back together.

page 6

pages 10-11

The Rebel’s’ Secret Weapon

The Black Sheep Interviews: Steve-O

Harnessing obsessive compulsive order for good.

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The Costumeless

Conundrum By: Brian Barsotti

Halloween is sneaking up fast on those who have yet to figure out a costume for this year. Bob Buckner, a junior at the University of Mississippi, falls into this category, but he doesn’t seem to mind very much. According to Student Health Services Physicians, Buckner is one of the millions of Americans who was born without the will or the motivation to make even a basic costume. And even with the health center’s expanse of expertise, they believe there really is no cure. “Buckner suffers an all-too-common genetic condition called ‘not really giving a fuck,’ and Halloween functions as a memento of his ailment year after year. Buckner can’t look at a fake, open wound or pass by any costume store without being reminded that he does not have nearly the amount of fucks to afford, let alone even consider, a costume,” Dr. Caroline Matts explained. Halloween is one of the rare times of the year when dressing up as an axe murderer is more socially permissible than dressing casually, and in these settings people like Buckner find themselves ostracized for not putting the effort into a costume.

“Yeah, I don’t really give a fuck,” Buckner said. Buckner, being a person who’s too lazy to make or buy a cheap Halloween costume, knows all too well what it’s like to stick out like a regular thumb. He recalls one particular costume party in 2011, in which he was literally the only one who showed up without a costume. Of course, Buckner felt very embarrassed at first but eventually became too distracted by the snack table in the kitchen and the guy dressed up as a man baby to really care anymore. Friends said Buckner comes up with quick-witted excuses for not having a costume whenever he is asked. One of his favorite explanations is that his non-costume is, in fact, a costume. He often says that he’s dressed up as an alien, who is masquerading as a human, trying to assimilate smoothly into human culture. “You know, I’m that alien from the movie The Thing,” Buckner typically explains. “The original John Carpenter version, not the crappy prequel.”

One group of people similar to the non-costumewearers is the half-assed-costume-wearers. “You know, the people who wrap a few squares of toilet paper around their neck and claim to be a mummy? Yeah, those assholes,” Dr. Matts noted.

t-shirt that read, “This IS My Costume.” However, he wasn’t able to find it, so he decided to put on his normal clothes and carry around a sign that read the same thing. Then he was too apathetic to even make that sign, so no one got the joke.

Both groups are afflicted by “not really giving a fuck,” and there tends to be an overlap between the two. For instance, one year, Buckner “half-assed” a half-assed costume—it was indeed a quarter-assed costume. Buckner intended to wear a sarcastic

Buckner’s story serves as inspiration for students this holiday season who suffer from “not really giving a fuck.” He proves there are ways to forgo making your own Halloween costume—you just have to put some imagination into it.

read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com

Your Guide to Trick-or-treating in oxford By: black sheep staff

It’s finally here, everyone’s favorite day of the year: Halloween. And of course, the best thing about Halloween is trick-or-treating. Many people think trick-or-treating is only for children, but these people could not be more wrong. In fact, the tradition of candy-giving originated in 1821 when thousands of French peasants banged on the doors of the nobles and demanded food in order to stave off starvation. Despite massive peasant deaths, the nobles eventually gave in on October 31st, beginning the tradition of treat-or-beating (later changed to trick-or-treating) each Halloween. If those starving peasants were not too old to trickor-treat, than neither are you. Here’s a guide from The Black Sheep on how to turn your Halloween night from Frankenstein to Franken-fine. As a college student, the biggest problem you’ll run into when trick-or-treating is looking too old. No one wants to see Lurch from the Addams Family at their doorstep when they’re expecting Little Bo Peep. However, if you’re able to convince everyone you are an early-maturing adolescent, you should be able to trick the candy barons into giving you candy anyway. In order to achieve such deception, purchase a costume that comes only in child sizes, and will therefore be absurdly small on you. Better yet, have your “mom” sew you a ridiculously small costume because “your lemonade stand didn’t make enough money for a REAL Wreck–It Ralph costume.” (Bonus points if you say this with a lisp.) This way, with some slick-tongued persuasion you can convince them that you recently had an enormous growth spurt, which is why your costume looks so stupid.

Also consider which child costume to pick. Your first instinct will be to pick your favorite childhood superhero or movie character (i.e. Buzz Lightyear). Don’t cave. It’ll be a dead giveaway, because your childhood heroes are now irrelevant and outdated. Instead, go with something more en vogue, such as a minion from Despicable Me, a college Mike Wazowski, or some gay unicorn that is presumably inevitably popular now. If you really want to drive home your identity as an appropriately-aged trick-or-treater to the candy barons, you need an I.D. that validates it. You shelled out 75 bucks for that 21-year-old I.D. that got taken the first time you tried to use it, so paying 50 cents for a library card that says you’re 12 should be no problem. Or, if you don’t have the money, just steal your younger sibling’s middle school I.D.and use that. Not only can you use this fake I.D. for trick- or-treating purposes, it can also get you a discount at a plethora of restaurants and movie theatres around the country. We hope this advice will be helpful to those in Oxford who are young at heart and want the magic of trick-or-treating to last forever, but not to those who plan to use the tradition as an excuse to get closer to small children. And if none of this works, you can always just rob an unsuspecting kid and steal his candy, so it’s really a win-win. Lastly, if you really want to leave Halloween a winner, show up to class the next day still wearing your costume. It’s the perfect power move to display your coolness, insinuating that you were up all night parting, or trick-or-treating, it really doesn’t matter which. Another win-win.

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The Rebels’

Secret Weapon

The

Top

Ten

Halloween Pranks By: black sheep staff

Halloween isn’t just for getting drunk and eating candy! It’s a great time to ruin some friendships with reckless pranks. Here’s a few to get you started. 10.) Make your Friends a Jack O’ Lantern: It may not seem like a prank, but in the heat we’ve been having, pumpkins rot within a week. It changes from a happy, smiling face to a black, rotting mess that attracts flies, black mold, and rabid squirrels. 9.) Fake Caramel Apples: Melt a bunch of caramel and instead of covering apples, put a stick in an onion and dip that sucker into that sweet sticky goo! Watching your friends bite into raw onions is well worth the mounds of caramel you’ll have to melt. 8.) Dress Up Your Dog: Again, it doesn’t seem like much, but go down to the pet shelter and find the meanest, nastiest pit bull they have. Dress him up like a bumblebee so he looks harmless. Then have your friends play with him! Try this on friends who are allergic to bees, if the mauling doesn’t kill him, then the irony sure will. 7.) Spooky Stories: Late on Halloween night when you’re sitting with your friends in the dark telling spooky ghost stories, have one of them secretly wait outside. At some random point in the story have him run in with a ski mask and stab you repeatedly. You can’t give your friends a good scare without a few minor flesh wounds.

By: Knowlton Bourne “One, two, three, two, three, one, two, two, two,” was how my interview with Thomas Dougan, the alleged OCD Rebel influencer, began as he patted both of his ears and nose with his left hand. Dougan, a Rebel Alum says he has been influencing Ole Miss football over the past 14 years with his OCD tendencies. “I mean, what can I say, I’ve been doing my little traditions for the Rebs since the Cutcliffe days. The only reason Cutcliffe recruited Eli was because I wiped my ass with my left hand four times and sneezed that day back in ‘98. Two, two, two.” Dougan claims that every recruit, win, and bowl game in the past 14 years of Ole Miss football directly correlates to his OCD traditions. “It started back in 97, I noticed that Ole Miss made a touchdown right as I was attempting to open a Bud Light. The can dropped out of my hand and busted beer all over my kitchen floor.” Dougan continued, “Now every time the Rebs get in the red zone I chuck a beer in the exact spot. One, two, three, two, three, one, two, two, two. It only works if I hit a certain tile right as the ball is being snapped, but proven is proven, baby.”

used Nissan earlier that year and, to be honest, I think it really affected our performance. Two, two, two.” Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a neurological condition that affects 1 in 40 adults. According to the World Health Organization, OCD is of the top 20 causes of illness-related disability. Dougan claims it’s an ability, not a disability.

5.) Pot Candy: It’s pretty easy to make edibles if you have a kitchen, butter, and weed. Give the neighborhood kids a little trick in their treat by getting them high! Their parents won’t notice the difference; spastic, stupid kids eating all of their candy on Halloween? No one will know the difference.

Dougan, a clinical sufferer of this condition is also suspected to have delusions of grandeur and possible paranoia. “Nkemdiche? Aw shit, that was all me baby.” Dougan claimed as he straightened my tie and re-tied my left shoe, “One, two, three, two, three, one, two, two, two. I brought that boy to Ole Miss single handedly. I got a haircut earlier that week, and touched my toes six times during the press conference. If that doesn’t mean anything for the Rebs, than I sure as hell don’t know what does.”

Dougan, a car salesman in Batesville, was recently divorced due to his love for Rebel football. “Yeah my whole divorce thing is kinda also directly proportional to my OCD. Mary got sick of me yanking on her ear every time a flag was thrown on the play, not to mention the slap in the face for each field goal. Not to mention, the thousands of dollars lost due to bets. But hey, a Rebel fan has got to do what a Rebel fan has got to do.”

Dougan explains his habits, “I usually spend the first quarter of the game turning my TV on and off in fifteen second intervals, it’s usually a little hard to tell how the Rebs are doing. I then eat an entire box of Red Hots while spinning in circles. This usually leads to mild nausea and vomiting which I expel into a Mississippi State football helmet. At halftime, I bake a lovely basil and goat cheese quiche, only to place it under the front tire of my car. I then listen to the second half of the game in my car and back over the quiche seventy two times.” Dougan continued, “It’s a pretty exhausting experience but my method of madness is groundbreaking.”

When I asked about Rebel losses and how that correlated with Dougan’s “winning strategy” he simply replied, “Well it doesn’t always go according to plan. Sometimes I’ll scratch my right kneecap just a little too hard, or I’ll sneeze into the wrong hand and it throws off the juju.”

Dougan then began to swivel in his chair, reciting the lyrics to “Umbrella” by Rihanna while clenching his teeth. He then proceeded to take out a bottle of Listerine from his jacket pocket and pour it down the back of his shirt in an attempt to “sprinkle some luck” on the next game.

“Since my start, I’ve seen a lot of changes in Rebel football thanks to me. Each and every coach in the past ten years has been hired because of my abilities. Orgeron, I take a good portion of the blame for, I purchased a

It is unclear whether or not Dougan’s mental capacity is fully in check. But one thing remains true, he sure does love the Rebels.

6.) Spam Email: What’s the spookiest, most haunting thing you can think of? That’s right, solicitors. Give out your friends’ phone numbers, emails, and lists of their fears to every company in the tri-state area. For more fun, while they’re busy talking to telemarketers you can fuck their girlfriend.

4.) Fake OD: In the weeks leading up to Halloween, pick up a fake “problem.” Maybe you “tried cocaine for the first time.” Maybe you’ve been “drinking more,” but “you can stop whenever you want to.” Halloween night, call your friends over with garbled speech and loud noises. Foam up your mouth with toothpaste to make it look like you OD’d! Bonus points if you knock yourself out with a hammer for that realistic “dying” effect. 3.) Find that special someone: Ask any bad comedian and they’ll tell you the perfect person for everyone is… a prostitute. But don’t get one for yourself, pay one to pretend she’s your “out of town friend” and get her with one of your friends. There are so many options! She can give him an STD, she can just be a tease, or you she can even break his heart. Ladies, don’t be afraid to do the same. That bitchy girl won’t bother you as much when she has crabs. 2.) Kill Their Parents: It’s not as intense as you think! They’re pretty old and on their way out anyway... At first it’ll be a prank where they’re all sad. “Boo hoo! My parents are dead!” But a few weeks later when the life insurance comes in you’ll be swimming in free shit! No one is more generous than a dude with dead parents, trust us. 1.) Dress Up Like the Opposite Sex: Sure, lots of people cross-dress on Halloween, but take it a step further. Go to a Halloween party in a normal costume and tell your friends you’re leaving early. Then get dressed up as a sexy transvestite and seduce your friends. When they wake up naked next to you instead of that special someone, they’ll freak out! No, but seriously they will freak the fuck out. Just remember when pranking people that they can only stay mad for so long. I mean everyone dies, right? Happy Halloween Rebels!

Around campus Send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

on the Streets If you were sent back to 1700, what modernday item would you bring with you? Ca m d e n L .

“A lighter so I could start fires and be warm. Or a tent for shelter.”

N a n cy H .

“My iPad.”

M o rg a n G .

“A water heater.”

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The Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

Happy Hour! Monday-Friday 3-7pm $1.50 16oz. PBR and Coors $1.00 off all Drinks

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thursday

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Drinking Game

Recipe for disaster

Bottle Bobbing

Fall French Toast

Halloween parties when you were a little kid were the best—all the candy and goodie bags and sweet zombie costumes. You can still host your own while in college, but don’t expect people to be entertained for hours with the Mummy Wrap Race and Pin the Stem on the Pumpkin. Here’s a twist on the typical bobbing for apples challenge.

The one thing that every kid misses about home is having meals prepared for them. We’re talking good meals, not some dining hall dinner surprise. Here’s our recipe for pumpkin french toast that you can let cook overnight so it feels like Mom’s slaving away in the kitchen when you wake up.

What You’ll Need: A large bucket, blindfolds, a small bowl, strips of paper and 20-30 mini bottles of alcohol Number of Players: As many as you want! Level of Intoxication: You’ll get a good buzz going.

What You’ll Need: Crockpot, loaf of bread, 15 oz. can of pumpkin puree, 6 eggs, 1 cup of milk, 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 2 teaspoons cinnamon and 2 teaspoons vanilla extract. Cook Time: 6-8 hours Fatty Factor: If you throw up a lot the night before, it won’t matter.

How to Play: - Get a giant tub, like a Rubbermaid container or a keg bucket, and fill it with water. - Lay down some towels in your living room or on your patio and put the bucket down. - Dump all of your mini alcohol bottles into the tub. - Decide who’s going first and have them put a blindfold on. They have to dip their head into the bucket, grab a bottle with their mouth and bring it back up. - Fill a small bowl with 10 strips of paper, 5 marked “trick” and 5 marked “treat.” - After someone bobs for a bottle, have them pull a piece of paper from the bowl. If it says “treat,” they keep the bottle for themselves. If the paper says “trick,” they give the bottle to someone else for them to drink. Put the paper strip back into the bowl. - Make sure the person drinks his or her bottle before moving onto the next person. - Go until everyone has had a turn, stopping after each person to pull a sheet of paper, distribute the bottle and drink.

Let’s Get Baked: - Dice up your loaf of bread into small cubes and place ‘em inside the crockpot. - In another bowl, mix together the remaining ingredients. - Pour the mixture over the bread in the crockpot, making sure the bread is well-coated. - Let the French toast cook in the covered crockpot overnight on low heat. - Before eating it, take the lid off of the crockpot for about 30 minutes if it looks too moist. - Scoop out your portion and add any toppings you want, like whipped cream, syrup, etc.

Austin Taxi provides prompt, reliable, and clean service all around Oxford. Whether you need to go to the Square, the Airport, or anywhere else, we have you covered.

The Game Ends When: All the bottles are gone! Or just go back to the liquor store and get some more. They’re only like $2 anyway…

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CALL US TODAY: (662) 832-9705 nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com AUSTINTAXIOXFORD.COM “HEY MOM! The French toast! We want it now!”

The Black Sheep Interviews

Steve-O

“I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.”

By: Tim Mackey The Black Sheep recently caught up with Steve-O on his national standup tour. Channeling our eighth-grade selves jumping off garages and lighting tennis balls on fire, we asked him every question we could possibly think of while holding back the strange urge to have him smash something over our crotch. He’s reinvigorated and risen from the ashes, so make sure to check out his new Youtube channel and follow him on Twitter, @SteveO.

The Black Sheep: How’d you originally end up working with the guys from Jackass? Steve-O: There was a skateboarding magazine back in the day called Big Brother, which was little more than a bad influence on kids. I loved it; it was really just the greatest magazine ever. I was in the magazine and the videos. The guy in charge of the operation reached out to Spike Jonze at one point and said “Hey man, everybody loves our videos, but no one cares about the skateboarding. I think if we subtract all of the skateboarding then what’s leftover would be a great TV show.” And when you took out the skateboarding, what you had left was me and Knoxville, and Wee Man, and Chris Pontius — and Bam was making a similar kind of video on the east coast — so we kinda merged camps, the Big Brother guys and the CKY guys and that was sort of how we all came together. TBS: For Jackass 3D you were completely sober. Is there a stunt from the past that you couldn’t have done sober? S: I should say I don’t know if I ever did stunts because I was wasted. I think I’ve always done stunts because I’m an attention whore. Getting sober hasn’t really changed that at all. But there was some particularly reckless stuff, one that comes to mind was being strangled unconscious six times in a row. TBS: By who? S: Ryan Dunn did that. We were on tour in England back in 2003, and Ryan Dunn choked me out six times in a row. Yeah, it was all on camera if you just go on Youtube and type “Steve-O Chokes” you can find it. Another one was on a three-day bender when I jumped out of an airplane with no parachute into the ocean. That one wasn’t so easy.

TBS: How many years until Johnny looks like Irving Zisman? S: I don’t know man, (laughs) I don’t know. TBS: How do you feel about having popularized the national phenomenon of butt-chugging? S: Oh man, that is… I am incredibly honored for that. It’s incredible. Knoxville sent me this video about a press conference. There were some college frat kids butt-chugging and there was some kind of outrage about it. It was the funniest fucking thing ever. I think they even called it “buttchugging,” I’m pretty sure I coined that term itself. TBS: You’re known as one of the guys who does the most intense stunts, but which member of the Jackass crew grew the most in their willingness to do horrible things to their body over time? S: I don’t know, man. We all seem to have our different strengths, it’s kind of a “apples and oranges” question. Whenever no one is willing to do something at all, then the idea trickles down to Danger Ehren. He would be at the top of the pile when it comes to willingness, that’s kinda due to his exceptionally low IQ. TBS: In Wildboyz you got a hotdog whipped from your butt with a bull whip and got your ass stung multiple times by an African emperor scorpion, with that in mind, what is the most painful stunt you’ve done? S: Oh god, I hate that question. It’s all just so subjective, man. Pain just has different criteria, the duration of the pain is an issue. While electrocution hurts more than other stuff, it’s quicker. I hate that question.

TBS: Which Jackass team member is most willing to take blows to the nuts? S: I don’t know that any of us are really psyched about it… We each have our own separate strengths when it comes to doing stupid things. But I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.

have no delusions about that. I love the saying you know “the alcohol bones connected to the weed bone, the weed bone’s connected to the cocaine bone” and so on…

any half-assed ideas. So my immediate response to him was “Oh yeah, how about if I get me tattooed on me, larger than me?” My face on my back is way bigger than my face.

TBS: Did you like being on Dancing with the Stars and hosting Killer Karaoke? Or was it just something to do? S: I, uh, Dancing with the Stars I really did enjoy a lot, Killer Karaoke had its moments. I, uh… but yeah neither of those two were my favorite.

TBS: You got a tattoo in January of Santa Claus crucified on your arm. Do you have a favorite tattoo? S: I like ShitFuck on my knuckles. I really do. Really because I’m quite proud of having carved out a place in my life that having profanities tattooed on my knuckles doesn’t hold me back. I’ve had ‘em… It’s been about exactly 10 years since I got ShitFuck tattooed on my hands.

TBS: Either in your career or not, what was the best moment in your life so far? S: I’m so jazzed about my new Youtube channel. I would say that the Youtube channel is the exact opposite of Dancing with the Stars and Killer Karaoke. I get to do what I think is fucking awesome and it’s such a treat and a joy. TBS: How long did it take you to heal from the mighty fist of Mike Tyson? S: Eh, pretty quick. I had two black eyes for a while there. I didn’t notice how long it took my nose to heal because this weird kung fu instructor guy set it straight right after it happened. I’d say like three weeks I was in pretty good shape.

TBS: Is there anyone that won’t ever do them? S: No, we all do them, but we have considerable… I don’t want to say reluctance because we all do it. I mean we all do it, but we dread it.

TBS: What can people expect to see on your tour this year? S: It’s filthy comedy and silly physical tricks. I think what makes my comedy unique and worthwhile is A: I’m absolutely shameless. And B: I’m rigorously honest. So if I tell a story you can damn well believe that it happened. And just judging by how shameless I am you can expect the stories to be incredibly juicy and revealing. You know I’ve been doing stand up for a long time and I’m really finding my voice and that’s exciting. People are really coming out and enjoying the show and that means a lot to me.

TBS: A lot of the guys, if they were afraid of snakes or spiders, then that’s the stunt they would do. What was your ‘phobia’? S: I hate roller coasters, which is why I was the perfect candidate for the poo potty. I mean I hate snakes too, I really do, but uh I don’t know if... Yeah like that one thing, I mean certainly rollercoasters are a big thing.

TBS: Looking at Johnny Knoxville, he seems to have aged more in the last 10 years than most people age in 30. How do you think you’ve managed to stay young-looking? S: (Laughs) Wow, I’ll take that as a compliment. I feel like I’ve aged pretty heavily as well, but if I guess if I were to agree with you then I’d have to blame that on healthy living. I quit smoking cigarettes and stopped doing drugs and drinking alcohol and I became a vegan. I exercise and stuff, surfing’s a big one.

TBS: Is it that falling feeling? S: It’s more like not being in control, like I can jump off of shit pretty easily. It’s like with bungee jumping when I’m looking off a bridge, I spent my life kinda jumping off of stuff so much, so I know heights pretty well. I don’t care what’s tied to me, when I look off something that’s 300 feet high, I usually know not to jump so it’s hard to get past that instinct. I mean I had no problem jumping off the tower of London, which is like the tallest thing I’ve ever jumped off of. TBS: You’ve been sober now for five and a half years, no drugs, no alcohol, nothing. So what’s you’re favorite drug to not do? S: I mean… I don’t know how to answer that. I uh… I mean the reality is that if I pick up any drink or drug in short order I’ll be on everything again. I

TBS: I’m telling readers to subscribe immediately to your blog because it’s honestly awesome. What can they expect to see you do on it in the future? S: I don’t know, I don’t want to give up any ideas, but I’m finishing up a lie detector bit. I don’t even know how it’s gonna come out. I got Knoxville to come up a list of hilarious and uncomfortable questions for me to answer while attached to a lie detector test. I don’t know what the questions are, but I imagine they’re gonna be pretty fucking terrible.

TBS: Your giant back tattoo, what was the situation where that was done? Did you wake up and it was there or what? S: We were preparing to shoot the first Jackass movie and Jeff Tremaine said “Hey, don’t waste our time with any half-assed ideas because now this isn’t a TV show anymore, it’s a movie.” And I kinda took offense to the notion that I would suggest

TBS: Anything else we should know? S: At the end of every one of my shows, when I walk off stage I never do anything or go anywhere until I take a photo with anyone who wants one, and lots of times people have things they want to ask me or show me. And everybody gets a chance to do that. I stick around until the bitter end, ‘til everyone who wants one gets a photo. I don’t really know of anybody who does that. And it proves to me to be a lot harder of a job to do that than the show itself. I stay committed to that though, because I want to make it a special experience for the fans who are committed to that. Make sure to read the extended interview online at theblacksheeponline.com!

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Drinking Game

What’s the most overrated Halloween candy?: Caramel What’s the most underrated Halloween candy?: Candy corn. My vintage fave.

Disgusting: Eggnog

What will you name your best-selling memoir?: Years, Cheers, Tears, and A Lot of Beers

What is the first Halloween costume you remember wearing as a child?: Minnie Mouse

Where are you hiding the evidence?: I gave it to Walter White to hide in the desert... bad investment.

What do you think will be this year’s most overdone costume?: Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke/Beetlejuice

Who would you invite to your threesome with Jeff Goldblum?: James Franco to any threesome, ever.

What’s the most offensive costume you’ve ever seen?: A beaten Rihanna

Why should people read The Black Sheep?: It’s casual, funny, and gossipy. And people should come see me for a margarita of course!

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