The Black Sheep FR
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lik th e ba en th ea ing tin in g it. ram e
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 5 10/4/12 -10/10/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_om
ole miss to form actual grammar police squad cody mann wrote this
An innovative new initiative aimed at promoting and enforcing proper grammar among Ole Miss students is slated to begin at some point later in the current fall semester. According to a highly placed source within the school’s administration, Ole Miss will officially endorse a new section of the University Police Department, known as the Grammar Patrol and Action Squad (GPAS), which will be responsible for overseeing all issues of grammar incurred by Ole Miss students. The new program is part of Ole Miss' attempt to raise its academic profile in the midst of a national trend of flagging test scores. The school believes that the GPAS will eventually become such an ingrained part of the university that their influence will begin to rub off on students, leading to thousands of graduates who can differentiate between words like “there” and “their.” Rumor has it that the original idea was hatched when a university official read a Facebook post in which one party was called a “grammar Nazi” after attempting to correct a second party’s spelling mistake. After a focus group of school administrators decided the litigation costs of forming an actual Nazi Party to roam the school would be too great, a police force was formed instead. It is believed that the powers of the GPAS will be fairly far-reaching. Already confirmed is its responsibility to review all social media registered under the names of Ole Miss students for potential misspellings, errors in punctuation, or incomplete sentences. Users of social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr can soon expect all of their previous posts, comments, and tweets to be edited for proper grammar. Other members of GPAS will review a constantly-updating stream of new social media entries and make corrections in real-time as the user posts new content. Despite the apparent violations of privacy and even the right to free speech possibly occurring with this new enterprise, complaints from students thus far have been limited, with many accepting and even lauding the new system. Once such student had the following post on his Twitter account: “I can’t believe Ole Miss is allowing this to happen; the very idea of the GPAS is so wrong awesome that it’s ridiculous!” The Black Sheep has received a tip that the GPAS officers in charge of social media have already begun working. Another power the GPAS will have is the power to discipline students who repeatedly flout the basic rules of the English language.
Guide to the Apocalypse: Cthulhu Edition
“We have several plans in place for wrongdoers,” said one GPAS officer. “We have large dictionaries already in place for minor repeat offenders—they will be beaten with them, of course. We’re thinking about playing a game of hangman with the more serious offenders. A super special game of hangman…” The officer then began rubbing his hands together while laughing maniacally. One potential concern about the institution of the GPAS is their presence in classrooms during examinations. Some professors believe that their actions will disrupt students’ concentration and focus. Others say that, because the GPAS officers will immediately examine each answer written down and make any necessary
what’s inside the top 10
corrections, students will not have enough time to finish what would otherwise be relatively short exams. One English professor in particular took issue with the new practice. “This is kind of outrageous,” said the instructor. “My students write essays for their exams, and I’m pretty sure it’s my job to vet them for grammar and writing mistakes, isn’t it? I mean, that’s kind of what grading is. Wait…they’re going to be grading my work for me… Um, nevermind, just forget I said all this. I love this new idea!” [This article has been audited by the Grammar Patrol and Action Squad.]
Bartender of the Week
Who knew the Great Evil That Sleeps would be such a dick?
10 awesome things to do with a time machine. we narrowed it down from 100, trust us.
Tanner from Frank and Marlee's thinks being able to fly would be awesome. we asked jesus. he's right.
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contents page 4: Peep Sheep
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 4
We give you the lowdown on the grim underbelly of the college mascot world.
page 8: From the Streets
How do you feel about the Ole Miss football season so far?
Table of
page 8: The Drinking Game and Recipe for Disaster whoa... did somebody say bacon?
page 10: Mad Swag
Our hip-hop lyrical showdown-- how much do you know about some famous rappers' flow?
page 12: we interview: zedd
This music maker talks parallels between Skrillex and Justin Bieber.
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Crane Hotly last week’s answers
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word of the week Disshertation:
Any longwinded, angry diatribe one woman makes towards another woman.
Shakira & Chris Hemsworth
“Lisa’s disshertation on Theresa’s formal dress got her over 300,000 YouTube views and one lost Facebook friend.”
welcome to
Peepsheep.com
Mascot Juice, Straight From Concentrate
Home | Sheeple | Sheep Shops | BullSheep | Sheep Slops | Sheep Shock
Super Spectacular Sparty OUT and About!!
Mountaineer Back on the Flame Train???
top stories The Hottest Stories Right Now! Fuzzy photos LEAKED of CHIEF ILLINIWEK at underground poker table! VCU’s Rodney the Ram denies accusations of horniness - Buster Bronco says he’s considering CHARGES!!!
SHOCKING!! So, Sparty the Spartan was seen sportin’ his skirt outside the stadium! A source close to us says he just “feels right” wearing the skirt, and might soon take on more feminine attire. OMGZ! Maybe after getting rooted by the Irish, Sparty is getting in touch with his boy-loving Greek roots!! Seeing him swing around night clubs in East Lansing in his skirt AND emerging stories of several student athletes seeing Sparty carry his pride into the locker room, might lead us to one FAB conclusion: gay! gay! gay!!! Sparty has long been seen with a perm frown on his face, BUT we’re hoping this revelation might leave him with a glamz smile! Go Sparty! We’re all on your team!!
Dead Doggies’ Dark Doo-Doo Demises
Wait till you hear who’s at it again! Last week the paps caught The Mountaineer deep in the woods of West Virginia burning a couch! Fresh out of pyromaniac rehab, The Mountaineer couldn’t live without getting his fix, and was reportedly “found rolling around in the mud, in a catatonic state… pupils dilated while muttering ‘longhorn’ under his breath.” Apparently The Mountaineer couldn’t take the pressure of another big game, and needed fire to relieve himself. We don’t want to cast judgment on The Mountaineer, but several other mascots have lent their support. The forever shiz-faced Iowa State University Cyclone tweeted “@Mountaineer yo iz kool wut u did bro, liv by ur one rolzze!!1 #livurLyf.” LOL looks like Cyclone has had one too many hurricanes!
Redbird Cy, Oh My!
Cavalier attitude nets night in jail for UVa mascot. Goldy Gopher, 3, Found dead in auoterotic asphyxiation mishap. PHOTOS INSIDE!! After sex change USC’s Cocky legally changes name to Pussy. MUST SEE BEFORE/AFTER SHOTS! Two years later, Rebel Black Bear admits mascot change “A trap” in interview with ET. What was the Clemson Tiger doing outside the Trophy Lust Club at 4a.m.?? The pap catches Syracuse Orange shopping in baby store!! Is s/he pregnant! EXCLUSIVE PICS!
Do all doggies go to heaven? Let’s hope so! Seems as though the party went a little TOO hard in Athens two weekends ago, especially after the Bulldogs beat the Volunteers by 7.
Seems as though The Parent Trap really is about some redheads, after all!!! We’re here to reveal a Peep Sheep EXCLUSIVE! An intense investigate has finally proven that ISU’s Cy the Cardinal and ISU’s Reggie Redbird are one in the SAME!
Early reports out of the coroner’s office suggest both suffered from chocolate sickness after bonging Hershey’s chocolate syrup into their little hound heinies! According to the Athens Animal Hospital Uga IX and Smokey IX were admitted to the emergency room at approximately 2:14a.m. with sever fevers. By 5:00a.m. both were pronounced dead.
Turns out, Cy (Real name: Crandall Berkowitz III) been the head worm-catcher of TWO nests!!! During the winter months leaves his hen and two chicks to fly south for the winter to Bloomington/Normal, IL to live in the lap of luxury with his other family, the Redbirds under the assumed name, “Reggie.”
Hey, college football studyboyz like Uga IX and Smokey IX are notorious for partying with fine bitchez, so don’t act like we didn’t see this coming. They will be thrown in a local incinerator on Monday, October 8th.
When questioned on the matter, Berkowitz III’s lawyer, Hyper-Chicken, declined comment. Turns out, birds of a feather DON’T flock together. They’re the same bird!!!!!!
Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish swears all boys-club was a “fight club.” What do you think!? USC Trojan can’t seem to get excited with NCAA sanctions. Say’s [the sanctions] are “too tight.” Puddles, the Oregon Duck, is splitz-ville the Horned Frog - did religion get in the way AGAIN!?!
The Top ten
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Things to Do with a Time Machine We have not seen Looper yet, but we think that mob hits are an awful way to squander time traveling technology. Here’s what we’d do instead of provoke Bruce Willis: 10.) Kill Hitler: Paradoxes and alternate realities be damned - it’s a universally agreed-upon rule that if you gain the power to travel in time, you kill Hitler. Period. If he still somehow manages to ravage Europe, everyone will call you a dick when you get back to the present. 9.) Profit: There is no one among us who wouldn’t benefit from being disgustingly rich. Given the power to travel in time, we would get tomorrow’s lottery numbers and use the winnings to buy WWII bonds, which we would sell and buy Microsoft stock just before the boom. 8.) Freak Out Cavemen: Cavemen were stupid. How hilarious would it be to watch them run in fear from light bulbs, or hit cars with sticks? SO hilarious!
The Black Sheep Guide to the Apocalypse: Cthulhu Edition Phil McCracken wrote this As a child you became aware of the horrible pollution of the earth. For a month, you wouldn’t shut up about the Great Pacific Garbage patch. “How could humans let a 270,000 mile patch of trash in the ocean exist?” you wondered annoyingly. You vowed to go green and clean up the world for your own children. Then SpongeBob came back on and you forgot all about pollution. If a sponge can live in a pineapple at the bottom of the ocean, then so be it. But do you know who didn’t forget about pollution? The Old Ones. They slumber in the depths of the ocean, a deathlike coma blinding them to the movements of mortals. Until now, the world has nervously ignored the existence of the Old Gods, like a shadow in the corner of our collective mind. But as the world warms, as humanity fights one another for dwindling bacon resources, as we come to the final months of our world’s life, they stir. They stir. PREPARATION: When Cthulhu and the other Ancient Ones wake up, the last place you’re going to want to be is here on earth. The Old Ones are from, according to the prophet Lovecraft, space. They have as much regard for life on earth as we do for bedbugs, and when Cthulhu wakes up, we are in for an acid wash. Is that excessive? Yes, of course. The Ancient Ones are bad about doing laundry. But damn if it’s not the most effective way to kill bedbugs on the planet. If you crapped your pants in fear at that, you have just scratched the surface of how deep the shit we’ll really be in if we allow Cthulhu to end the world. When he awakens, he’s going to be pissed that he’s been breathing in our refuse from his sunken city of R’lyeh. We could, of course, clean up the ocean, switch to more sustainable energy sources than oil and protect the fragile ocean ecosystem. But that sounds hard and boring. Your best bet is to make a super convincing Lovecraft-inspired demon costume, and try to sneak onto whatever spaceship they’ll use to leave earth when they’ve finished enslaving all of humanity.
THE BATTLE: If the apocalypse manages to catch you with your pants down (it shouldn’t - Christ, people have been warning you for years) and you find yourself without a suitable disguise, you will find yourself in a very tense situation. You cannot stop Cthulhu, and if the armies being massacred outside your window are any indication, no man can stand against the might of the most ancient of evils. In fact, there is no way for a simple human to defeat the Great Old Ones. That is why you have to download the Necronomicon onto your Kindle and summon other, darker Gods to fight the Great Old Ones (you can try the Elder Gods if you’re a pussy, but the benign Elder Gods are to the Cthulhu Mythos what 50 Shades of Grey is to Twilight.) Be warned: the Gods the Lovecraft saw treat humanity with either disdain or apathy. If you plan to convince Yog-Sothoth to even consider looking in this galaxy’s direction, you better have a hell of a human sacrifice planned and manage to teach the knowledge-craving God what “compassion” and “mercy” are. THE AFTERMATH: The world will be ravished, perhaps even devoured by Ubbo-Sathla, in the end. But let’s assume for the moment that, due to an insane amount of luck and the sexiest ass the Outer Gods have ever seen, they heard your pleas and postpone the obliteration of our planet for a thousand more years. Where does that leave you? Well, depending on how much you’ve practiced your puppy dog face, you’ll either be enslaved for eternity or repurposed as a food source for the Gods. And rest assured, your last moments will be spent in reeling, ceaseless madness from which no mind can escape - it is the fate of all who behold the Gods. Because science hasn’t delved too much into the effects endless existential horror have on the mind, we don’t know if insanity will dull or enhance the unimaginable pain Azathoth will inflict upon your inconsequential body, but we have to assume that it will be comparable to living in the center of our sun, unable to die in the hellish fires as the pressure crushes your every bone into dust. So recycle that damn Coke bottle, fucktard, before you doom us all!
7.) Stop National Tragedies Before They Begin: We would punch Mrs. bin Laden in the ovaries, warn Pearl Harbor that shit’s about to go down, get Vernon Howell’s mom to get that kid in therapy and convince Snooki’s dad to pay for the abortion. 6.) Create Paradoxes: What would happen if we killed our great grandfathers before they had kids? Or handed an umbrella to the guy who was just about to invent the umbrella? Or stopped the unfair execution of a plucky young hippogriff? We don’t know, but we just bet it would be fun to find out! 5.) Dominate a Dinosaur: If you managed to tame and ride a triceratops like your own lizardy beast of war, you would basically win at life. You could name him Reggie Jackson and take him back to the future, where he would furiously defend his master and the President gives you his job because holy shit that guy tamed a goddamn dinosaur! 4.) Stop the World’s Most Notorious Villain: America still suffers today under the yoke of a totalitarian Russian government, put in place by the most infamous villain in history: John F Kennedy. With time travel, we would stop him before he has a chance to enslave all Americans and hand the keys to America over to Soviet President Brezhnev. Of course, we’d manage to pin it all on some mook from New Orleans, or something. 3.) Host Time Tours: The world has no shortage of Whovians, historians or creationists. Think of all the money you can make taking guided tour groups through the French Revolution! Think about having exclusive biography rights to the Bard! Think of how much fun it would be taking a fundamental Christian through the steps of evolution! 2.) Party Hard: Our country’s fun uncle, Ben Franklin, was known for being awesome. Imagine if you got him, Louis XIV, Roman emperor Nero, a couple Vikings, some Russians and Andrew Jackson at the same awesome party. Now imagine you got Smirnoff to sponsor said awesome party. Now go take a cold shower. 1.) Forrest Gump Photobombs: Old timey portraiture famously features modern celebrity lookalikes, like Anne Hathaway and Nicolas Cage. Noobs, we say. If we had the power to be anywhere in time, we would troll so hard. You would see us giving bunny ears to General Robert E. Lee and giving our best duck face behind Teddy Roosevelt. We would photobomb the holy hell out of war conferences and music festivals, and we’d even sneak into posed portraits of constitutional delegates. Then we’d sneak into the future and relish in the religions that will have been built around us.
staff wrote this
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The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
THURSDAY! New Karaoke w/ Cowboy Dereck 2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo, $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
MONDAY! Wingday Monday! $0.25 Wings, $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon Pints, $4 PBR Pitchers DJ Downstairs @ 9 in The Piano Bar
THURSDAY - SATURDAY $1 PBR and Keystone Free Power Tower on Birthdays!
THURS, 10/4
New Karaoke w/ Cowboy Dereck 2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo, $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
Wingday Thursday! $0.25 cent wings, $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon Pints, $4 PBR Pitchers Karaoke Downstairs in the Piano Bar at 9
$1 PBR and Keystone
FRI, 10/5
2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
$2 “Pre Game Shots” from 8-10 Dueling Pianos downstairs in the Piano Bar at 9 Get Some Tamales! 5.99 for 1/2 dozen, 12 for $10.99
$1 PBR and Keystone
SAT, 10/6
2 for 1 Margaritas $4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
Open @ Noon! All Burgers Half Price Until 4 2 for 1 Margaritas until 7 $3 “Rebelution” drinks from 8-10 Dueling Pianos Downstairs in the piano bar at 9
$1 PBR and Keystone
SUN, 10/7
$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas
Open at Noon - 9 on Home Football Weekend $4 Fireball Shots All Day Long!
$1 PBR and Keystone (Only Open on Home Game Weekends)
MON, 10/8
$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas $1 Margaritas w/ purchase of an entree ($8 or more)
Wingday Monday! $0.25 Wings, $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon Pints, $4 PBR Pitchers DJ Downstairs @ 9 in The Piano Bar
$4 Car Bombs
TUES, 10/9
$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas $1 Margaritas w/ purchase of an entree ($8 or more)
Taco Tuesday! Blackened Mahi, Fried Shrimp, Beef and Cheese, and Veggie Tacos only $1 each $2 Wells and Domestic Beers
2 for 1 Wells
WED, 10/10
$4.99 Lunch Combo $6.99 Lunch Fajitas $1 Margaritas w/ purchase of an entree ($8 or more)
Happy hour Until 7 After 7: Drink specials change every 30 minutes on the Specials Wheel! Signature Burgers are Half Price until 10
$3 Shots Pool League @ 8pm
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$1 Shot Night 2 for 1 on Everything until 9pm Penny Pitchers 9-10pm
Power Hour (9-10): $1 PBR & Keystone $1 shots, $2 Coors Tall boys DJ Gordo
THURS, 10/4
$6 1/2 lb. Footlong Chili Cheese Dog (w/ Chips or Fries)
Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife
2 for 1 on Everything until 9pm Penny Pitchers 9-10pm
$1 PBR and Keystone DJ Wade
FRI, 10/5
$6 Don Vito - Seared Chicken, Sauteed w/ Onions and Tomatoes in White Wine (w/ Chips or Fries)
Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife
2 for 1 on Everything until 9pm Penny Pitchers 9-10pm
Cornhole Tournament for a free bar tab!
SAT, 10/6
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Flip Sunday: Call it right, the drinks are on us!
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SUN, 10/7
$6 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich (w/ Chips or Fries)
2 for 1 Frozen Margaritas Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife
$10 Pitcher of Beer and 18 wings 2 for 1 domestics
$2 Pitchers and $0.25 Wings
MON, 10/8
$6 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich (w/ Chips or Fries)
2 for 1 Domestics Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife
Beer and Shot Night Buy a Beer, Get a Free Shot
$10 Burgers and Bottomless Beer LADIES NIGHT! 2 for 1 Wells 2 for 1 Shooters (slammers, lemon drops) Beer Pong League
TUES, 10/9
$6 Jumbo BBQ Sandwich (w/ Chips or Fries) $1 PBR & Keystone
2 for 1 Wells Happy Hour 4-7 $1 Off Everything AND $1 PBR, Busch, Highlife
Flip Wednesday: Call it right, the drinks are on us!
Whiskey Wing Day! FREE Wings and $3 Whiskey Drinks
WED, 10/10
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theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week tanner c. frank & marlee's Relationship status: Taken Major: Chemistry Year: Senior Favorite drink: Bud Light Favorite shot: Teenage pussy (raspberry vodka, Sprite, sour mix, peach schnapps, grenadine) Worst enemy shot: Liquid cocaine (Bacardi 151, Jagermeister, Rumpleminze) What’s your favorite Frank & Marlee’s story? One of the employees got really hammered, then threw up on the back patio for everyone to see.
the drinking game
chestbump This game may sound like it’s only made for frat bros, but if you’re a girl who can hold your own when it comes to beer, then feel free to join on in. This game will involve more stinky burps than a roadside truck stop. What You’ll Need: Cups, four ping pong balls, and beer. Number of Players: Four if you want to go hard, more if you actually want to remember your night. Level of Intoxication: You’ll be buying shots for the undercover cops at the bars later on. How to Play: - Have everyone pick a partner and sit across from them around the table. - Every player grabs one beer and divides it up between three cups arranged into a triangle in front of them. If you’re feeling competitive up the ante and play will full cups. - On “Go,” everyone bounces a ping pong ball across the table to their partner. The receiver has to bounce it off his or her chest and get it into one of the cups in front of them. - If your partner succeeds, he or she slides one of the beer cups over to the opponent on the right of them, who now has to chug its contents before continuing bouncing. - After a team has finished all of their cups, one last full beer is placed directly in the middle of the table. The team must double bounce the ball into the cup to win. The Game Ends When: The last beer has been finished and someone spews into the cups in front of them. Drink up, brah!
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If you could have any superpower what would it be? Flight, it’d be awesome. What’s your spirit animal? A wolf. If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what would it be? A phoenix. It’d be awesome to have a bird on fire to show people. Who’s your least favorite SEC team? Alabama, I just don’t care for their fans. When’s the next time Ole Miss is going to make a BCS game? 2013! If the improvements we’ve made from this year to last continue, they’ll be in a BCS game next year.
Recipe for Disaster
Bacon Cholesterol Toast If you don’t wake up every morning without a craving for greasy delicacies, then something is wrong with you. Just when you thought breakfast toast was just a crunchy piece of burnt bread, we found a recipe to change the world of morning meals. What You’ll Need: About a pound of bacon, bread, and some salt. Cook Time: Ten minutes. Fatty Factor: No amount of Cheerios is going to lower your cholesterol after this. Let’s Get Baked: - Grease up a frying pan and fry up all that bacon on your stove, preferably shirtless after a night of heavy drinking. - After all the bacon stops simmering and popping, remove it from the pan. Drop some bread in the pan with the leftover bacon grease and brown it evenly on both sides. - Once the bread is toasted remove it from the pan and sprinkle both sides with salt. - The way to eat it is up to you. We’re fans of creating a mega bacon weave and sandwiching it between a few slices of our cholesterol toast. Maybe grab some syrup and have some finger food dipping fun? Have 911 and a respirator on standby. You will have trouble breathing and your blood flow may slow down immensely. But it’s super delicious so at least the last thing you eat before you die will be totally worth it.
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From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
How do you feel about the Ole Miss football season so far? "The team is doing surprisingly well after a mediocre season last year. Was very proud of the momentum they had playing Alabama." - Courtney R.
"It could be worse. I think we still have a chance to turn it around if the team re-evaluates." - Thomas R.
"Hugh Freeze is honest and hard working - I trust he's always doing his best. I'll always respect and pay my allegiance to a hard working Rebel team." - Brett B.
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
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mad swag
Would you consider yourself a trill OG? Are you down with that flow, yo? Are you reading this thinking, “Whoever wrote this is painfully white.”? Well, la-tee-dah. More importantly, can you decipher our Mad Swag? Below are several mondegreens - words replacing similar-sounding words - of well-known rap lyrics. Can you figure out what these artists are sayin'? email us the title of the song the lyric is from to madgab@theblacksheeponline. com and if you get them all right, you’ll win a prize!
Lives ab i tch hand ten nude eye
Soup her intend dose egg a ninja sis
Hi loafed win ewe calming beak pop huh
So far ash soak lean
Rapper: Nas
Rapper: Notorious B.I.G.
Rapper: Notorious B.I.G.
Rapper: Outkast
Hue mice hunch tine
Hi got nigh tee nigh bro blooms
La booty bro Emma moth kin pawn star
Yellow bee distiller orgy
Rapper: Lupe Fiasco
Rapper: Jay-Z
Rapper: Kanye West
Rapper: Dr. Dre
Smock we derriere
Adjust dope lava truck
Icee herb toy French ate in lick an idiot
Doughnut even a views my ache
Rapper: Snoop Dogg
Rapper: Eminem
Rapper: Lil’ Wayne
Rapper: Ice Cube
the interview
zedd
If you haven’t heard the name Zedd, you have definitely heard his work. At twenty-three, having worked with an ambit of major artists – from Baby Biebs to Skrillex – Zedd has produced several chart-topping beats. Stepping into the spotlight with a full-length album, Clarity, Zedd is an artist worth picking up on (and following on Twitter @Zedd). By Quinn The Black Sheep: You’ve produced and toured with some TBS: Any track you are particularly excited for on Clarity, or pretty major artists - do you prefer being behind the scenes are they all equally awesome? producing beats, or working on your own? Zedd: It’s very close to impossible to pick my favorite song. Zedd: It really depends. I obviously love doing my own music “Hourglass” is one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written in my because I don’t have to please anyone with my music. With all my whole life and... yeah ... it’s really just the whole album that I’m love and respect to my whole team - at the end of the day the mostly excited about, more than particular tracks. only thing that matters to me is that I truly love something I did. If I do work for other people, especially major artists, there are so TBS: How do you describe Clarity in comparison to your past many people you have to make happy - compromises have to be work? made which I don’t like. Zedd: Well, I think to a certain degree it’s probably a little bit more adult and experienced. Where the focus sometimes has At the same time I can try new things out if I work for other peo- been on making a big club-hit before, the focus on this album is ple that I would probably not have done for myself. to make music that is so timeless you can listen to it in 30 years and still be proud of the musicality in it. TBS: You released Clarity to iTunes on October 2nd (October 9th everywhere). After a long list of singles and remixes, what TBS: Your parents are musicians, and you started studying clasmade you transition to a full-length album? sic piano at a young age - how has that influenced you? And Zedd: You know, I really like releasing singles because you can how much do your parents love your music? put something out right after you finish it, and it’s still fresh and Zedd: It influenced me very much because I’ve learned about muhot. Making a full-length album is very difficult, especially for us sic theory, and learned to play several instruments – that’s stuff I DJs who tour 24/7. can use to make music that’s a little different from a lot of other producers. This doesn’t mean they’re better or worse; it’s just Making an album is a huge commitment, but it also gives you the different and I like being different. My parents actually like the chance of expressing yourself in a way that is more detailed than music! They’ve never listened to electronic music before but they you could ever do it with singles. If you put out a single all the like the “musical” part of my music more than the sound-design attention is on one track. With an album you can very well show a aspect. wider range of yourself, make songs that would probably not be a good single, but a great album track, and fulfill a certain roll in TBS: Of those major artists you’ve worked with, are there any an album - just like the tension is not constantly high in a movie, weird similarities you find between them? Like, do Skrillex and there’s ups and downs. I’m not talking about fillers; in fact I be- Baby Biebs have anything in common that the layman wouldn’t lieve my album doesn’t have any fillers, but tracks can definitely know? tell a story in a context of an album that singles can’t. Zedd: [Laughs] Well, the biggest similarities are that they all share the same passion: music! Skrillex and Bieber, I’d say, have
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fairly different personalities but they’re both very passionate about what they do in their own ways. TBS: Your Twitter is pretty hilarious - is that all you? Zedd: [Laughs] Thank you! It is all me - and probably sometimes a little bit too much of “me” but I enjoy not thinking too much about what I say there. TBS: Also on Twitter, your about me is “Shave it up,” what’s that about? Zedd: Illuminati man... It’s all Illuminati! TBS: What’s one thing you can’t tour without? Zedd: I can’t tour without shows! I really can’t!
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90’s music stars Across
4) Sugar, salt, garlic, pepper, oregano 6) Don’t go burning ex-boyfriend’s houses down. 7) He’s a loser, baby. 9) Blue Ivy’s god mothers. 11) Just like rain on your wedding day. 14) Wake me up when this crossword ends. 16) Mmm, they’re all married with kids now. 18) Not Tyler Perry’s. 20) Titanic pipes.
8) Now she’s dancing with somebody upstairs. 10) Recently toured with the original 80s boy band. 12) Somehow still competes with women half her age. 13) Holds the longest-running #1 song in U.S. history. 15) With certainty. 17) Ladies loved this ripped rapper. 19) 14 minutes and 59 seconds of fame.
Down
1) Bye, bye, bye to all but one, really. 2) Definition of 90s grunge, and plaid. 3) Rocked the bald look very well. 5) The OG white rapper, after Vanilla Ice of course.
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