The Black Sheep
F st REE. on .. L er ike 's 4/2 sign 0 p in et g a iti on .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 6 • 4/18/13 -5/1/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_om
a hazy vision of the immediate future Barney Thompson wrote this With the 20th of April just around the corner, you might be experiencing a bit of a head change soon. During said head change, you’re gonna think of some exceptionally terrible thoughts that you should really be ashamed of; Gam-Gam would be so disappointed. Though, what Gam-Gam doesn’t know won’t hurt her anymore than that shoddy hip replacement. So how ‘bout you slow your roll and we Christmas Carol you through some of what's to come? Rad. 11:00 a.m., 20th of April What better way to cure your Friday night alcohol cleanse than to start the 20th strong? For the past hour nothing but reggae and a steady flow of smoke have emanated from your apartment. Your neighbors are tired of it and your friends are tired of it. Nobody actually likes reggae that much, it pretty much only exists so you can pretend you’re in a commercial for an island resort, and not driving through north Mississippi in 100-degree weather. 12:05 p.m., 20th of April Barely past noon and you’re already at a [10], because it’s both a marathon and a sprint. While 4/20 is both of those, you should really stop crawling backwards on the floor and yelling “wub-wub” to the rhythm of what you think is Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing.” It’s really ruining the raw, immersive story telling of FernGully. 4:21 p.m., 20th of April The shame train’s at full speed now. The most important circle of the day and you sprinted to the bathroom after one hit. There isn’t enough mouth wash in a cheating dentist’s bathroom to get you back in rotation. Way to hold your shit. 8:00 p.m., 20th of April You’ve surrendered all control of your body to the hunger. In a corner booth at Coop De Ville you sit before a table of devastated food, mad-eyed and ordering two more Bacon Rancheros with extra bacon and extra ranchero. One bite into the Bacon Ranchero that would humble even the Based God, and you’re tasting the rainbow. Again. There are fewer things more shameful than being 20 years old, covered in regurgitated Skittles, and told to wait in the car while those who didn’t assault their friends with vomit finish their meal.
Ole Miss Senior Makes Wild Plans for 4/20 Writing Papers and studying, not quite the same as eating 6 pizzas with your buddy.
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4:20 a.m., 21st of April Here you are, having spent a dank 4/20 with your blazed bros, and now you’re in your bed basking in your twice baked glory. Though it was a haze well spent, it was a dud on the smash scale. Or maybe not. Just to your left lies a lonely, innocent heating pad. So teasingly strewn across the floor; that heating pad wants the D. 4:45 a.m., 21st of April Turns out that beer you morning-punched off the night stand did a little damage to your beloved source of warmth’s wiring. Now there’s a Chernobyl immigrant of a nurse applying
what'’s inside
Top 10: Spring Cleaning Tips
Just don't get too cozy with the vacuum.
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ointment to your third-degreed dong in a fashion that can only be described as angry butter churning, all while maintaining confusingly intimate eye contact. It could be that your eyes are finally failing after hours of “allergies,” but Ms. Chernobyl is starting to not seem so bad; looks like you just found your new heating pad. The events witnessed here are not written in stone, your fate can be altered. When relaxing with Jane, try to think your actions over a bit before committing to free climbing the library after chiefin’ five Phillies that would put the entirety of A$AP mob on their collective ass. Toke responsibly.
We Interview: A Colorado Budtender It turns out you can’t be high all the time to run this business.
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