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theblacksheeponline.com 11/10/11 - 11/30/11 | Volume 1 Issue 5
Longshots for the Short List: who should be the next Head Coach
monty miller wrote this
Well kids, it happened. The Nutt era is coming to a close. We had some ups, and we had a lot of downs, but things again are looking like a new day. The hiring of a new head coach always creates excitement around the program, with die-hard fans dreaming of SEC West titles and bowl games in New Orleans. There’s just one problem: we suck. You might not think it on account of our good-looking women and high cultural sensibility, but it’s going to be difficult to find a coach willing to clean up all the shit that’s currently smeared all over our football program. Alas, have no fear, Ole Miss faithful, because I’ve done the research and have come up with a list of our best choices to take Houston Nutt’s place. Sure, some of them aren’t actually football coaches, hell, most of them have nothing to do with the sport, but they all bringing a winning tradition to the table. It’s all about results, right? Coach Herman Boone from Remember the Titans: The head coach of the Titans would be a perfect at Ole Miss. Both schools have a rabid fan base full of insane Southerners and both have had notable issues with racism. Warm-ups would involve dancing and chanting, and Gerry Bertier’s ghost would watch over Vaught-Hemingway from above. John Candy’s Character in Cool Runnings: I’m not sure what this guy’s name is, but it’s obvious that he’s a great coach. He coached a bobsled team from Jamaica to the Winter Olympics for Christ’s sake. He also has a long history of cheating, something that’s welcome here in the SEC. Only downside: he’s Canadian. Coach Gordon Bombay: No convincing should be needed here. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Other stuff
Inside
04: Dubstep: A True Story
What happens when people stop being polite and start doing ecstasy.
Apollo Creed: A truly inspirational champion who has the moral fortitude to beat the shit out of someone and then become his trainer. Yes, he was killed in the ring by that Pinko-Commie, but with the money we’d be saving on salary costs by hiring outside of standard NCAA football lineage, I’m sure we could afford to buy a Flux Capacitor off of Doc Brown and go back in time to hire him. Dicky Eklund in The Fighter: Another boxer, but with a radically different approach to victory, and that approach is consuming enormous amount of crack cocaine and methamphetamines. The fact that he can train his brother to a heavyweight title while putting Bobby and Whitney to shame proves his worth. Mr. Miyagi: Miyagi would not only teach players how to reach emotional and spiritual nirvana while on the playing field, but a number of other skills as well, including but not limited to: kick-ass martial arts, bonsai trimming, chopstick usage, car waxing, and interacting with attractive Asian women. Admiral Ackbar: Sure, he would have been a humorous and ironic mascot choice, but the Admiral was truly destined to be the head coach of the Rebels. His personal and professional accomplishments speak for themselves (technically an astronaut, destroyed the Empire, is a squid-humanoid hybrid) and his ability to read and declare defensive schemes (“It’s a corner blitz trap!’) is unprecedented. It’s an exciting time for Ole Miss fans the world over. Gone are the days of up-anddown success, the soaring highs and the crashing lows. A strong coach—if hired—can transform the program into a perennial powerhouse. Unfortunately, like this list, the idea’s more fiction than fact.
07: Let’s Take a Shot Words to Live or Die By—Or, if you’re not dead, you’ll wish you were..
13: The Black Sheep Interviews Double trouble this issue, with Mat Kearney and 12th Planet!
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Meet The Staff!
Table of
contents
campus manager Scott McVey
Pg4: top 10 Appropriate responses to Ole Miss football.
Advertising Managers Sterling Swanson Forrest Pace
Writers Monty Miller Phillip Berry James Foster J.B Cole Marcus Bell Paul Eason Bailey Blossom Kaycee Awesome
marketing manager Monty Miller
campus director Brendan Bonham
marketing team Scott Mcvey Morgon Monroe
Founders Scott McVey, Wes White, Brendan Bonham, Atish Doshi, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, and Jessica Sommers
editorial manager Monty Miller
distribution Manager William Mayfield marketing team Scott McVey Reaghan Foley
Pg5: the best in party pics We aren't going to lie, we want to be friends with all these people.
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Pg8-9: the bar grid See where you can save on drinks so you can go buy yourself more...drinks? Pg11: Nicktoon Rewind: Ren & Stimpy Cats and dogs never seem to get along, unless they’re gay.
Pg10: Bartender of the issue: Quinn from The Round Table has some choice words for one Ray Lewis. Pg13: CD Review Summer Camp- Welcome to Condale Pg14: seek-and-find Can you find all the random crap we hid in your bedroom? Pg15 and pg 16: class time fun and games Well hot damn, can you solve these puzzles and win an awesome prize?
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Word of the week Hegalitarianism:
An Violin Um
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Definition: Any movement that promotes equal rights for cross-dressers and transvestites. Sentence: “RuPaul’s Supermodel was a seminal moment in the Hegalitarianism movement.”
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THe top ten Appropriate responses to Ole Miss football For those of you who don’t realize how bad our football team really is, let me lay it out for you. We just set and are continuing to extend the record for most conference losses in a row by an SEC team. Our only two wins so far this season were against Southern Illinois and Fresno. Southern Illinois is like the Southern Miss of the Prairie State, if Southern Mississippi played in the FCS. Fresno was an upset. We were picked to lose against Fresno fucking State. So how is an Ole Miss student/fan to respond to this monumental blowing? 10) Fits of rage are very normal to see among those not quite as blessed in the mental capacity department. By that I mean the shithead, inbred, redneck retards who didn’t go to Ole Miss, much less high school, and belong in Starkville but claim the Rebels anyway. They like to scream and stomp their feet and punch opposing fans in the throat. This response is wildly inappropriate… unless you’re an idiot. 9) Remain positive. This works for women, children and the elderly (a.k.a. the senile). These people don’t know any better. They say stupid shit like “we can turn this season around,” “we almost beat them, so that’s good,” or “at least we have pretty outfits”. Those poor, ignorant fools.
Dubstep: A True Story marcus bell wrote this I have no idea where I am. It’s dark and some alien is shining lasers in my eyes. He has a backpack on and insists that his goodies will make everything better. My first thought was he was trying to kill me, then I saw his horrible hygiene and the glow stick bandana around his head. It finally made sense. To be honest, the 6 Wookies doing the Bernie in the back were as a strong hint, but this sealed the deal: I’m dubbing my face off. This was a perfect opportunity to finally answer the question surrounding one of the biggest fads to sweep our country since Pokémon and heroin. Why do people think dubstep is entertaining? I’ve finally infiltrated a womping tribunal and it’s time to get to the bottom of this shit. Using deductive reasoning, which is incredibly difficult with a couple thousand watts of boom in your ears, I will attempt to solve this mystery and find the source of power. So here it goes… I’m about as out of my element as Donnie, and don’t know what to do with my hands. The sound of a vibrating door stopper amplified a billion times keeps radiating through the building. Some guy pressing buttons on the stage seems to be controlling everyone’s body. He must be the leader of this gathering. He was using some lightboard to hypnotize his audience! But this still did not solve the question of how everyone could bear these loud, abstract sounds that were radiating through my body.
It makes so much sense now. Only the influence of drugs can explain how hundreds of people could bear offbeat, erratic tones while dancing for three straight hours. While, to the common ear, this genre sounds like a mixture of everyday pop music mixed poorly with the score from Inception, a drug induced “womper” hears an angelic sound that increases their feelings of ecstasy. The drugs are what connect every piece of the dubstep puzzle. Now that we have the source of power, time to answer the big question: how is the genre successful? It’s true that anyone can do drugs at any time, so how do they collaborate? Using telekinetic powers—something they call Twitter—they spread word that there will be a show at a set location at certain time. Once the word is out the set pieces take out like worker ants to prepare for the ceremony of dubbin hard as shit.
"The 6 Wookies doing the Bernie in the back were a strong hint, but this sealed the deal: I’m dubbing my face off " This is where the backpacked
Oh, my body. It was telling me that yes, this shit is awesome, but my mind disagreed, it was being triggered to kill someone. In attempt to clear my mind I ran for the abundant supply of water coolers. While drinking fortytwo consecutive cups of sweet hydration I tried to piece this puzzle together: There’s a dictator using a machine to control the sound, a large, hypnotizing lightboard, completely faced Wookies and generous, backpacked hippies. Ah-ha! The source of power must be drugs.
gents come into play. Much like children at Ole Miss football games, they use these brave souls to mule the goodies into the event. Once distribution is completed and everyone is successfully hypnotized the ritual begins. And by damn, these people have a great time. The feeling of energy circles the room while each person dances for hours only stopping to smoke a cigarette, drink water and orange juice, or take a vibrating nap on the floor. There is no arguing the success of dubstep. The size of the movement can be marked by its following. Some of these people have been hypnotized at such a strong level that they travel from near and far to join in on many types of tribunals. Either way, you cannot deny the dedication these people have towards this genre, nor the amount of fun they have supporting the movement. Then again some people love Adam Sandler movies and think the Kardashians are worthy of attention. I can’t explain every miracle.
8) Get stoned and eat Grove food. It takes a special breed to pull this one off. You can’t show up to the Grove in a drug rug, hemp pants, your favorite Grateful Dead t-shirt, and some stinky Birkenstocks. You’ve got to be a high-functioning high person. You’ll need to dress the part and be able to carry on a conversation about football with an adult while simultaneously stuffing your face with Abner’s chicken tenders that you covered in Mississippi Sin Dip. 7) Call for Pete Boone to step down. It’s true. We probably need a new AD if Ole Miss athletics is to turn around; so calling for Boone to step down is a logical and appropriate response. I’m just sick of hearing about it. So on behalf of everyone; Boone, fucking quit already, and the rest of you people shut up. 6) Become a cynical asshole. During the third quarter of the Arkansas game I used this tactic to the fullest. I was sitting in the South Endzone Club, looking down on all the sad little people, and enjoying my unlimited free food and beverages when it hit me. “I can sit up here above the pitiful masses and make snide comments to myself feel better feel better,” I thought to myself. And it worked… until we almost came back, that was a whole new level of disappointment. 5) Celebrate Coach Nutt’s firing. Schools riot when they win championships and lose championships. That’s not going to happen here, so might as well go dancing in the street now that the heads have started to roll. 4) Complete apathy is the preferred coping mechanism among Ole Miss students. It’s not that we don’t care about our football program. We’ve just gotten to the point that we don’t care about the outcome of the games. In fact, losing has little or no effect on us. 3) Wear a paper bag over your head. The football savvy will remember the days when Saints fans were so ashamed of their team that they wouldn’t be seen in the Superdome without covering their faces with paper bags. Well somebody got the message and they got arguably the best quarterback in the game (God knows we need one of those) and won the Super Bowl. Note: Paper bag may also be used to hide tube leading from crotch flask to mouth through the shirt. 2) Drink… a lot. Have a couple Bloody Marys before the grove, pound your drink of choice while you’re in the grove, and sneak some whiskey into the game using those handy compression shorts that you haven’t used since high school. By halftime you’ll either be having too much fun to care about how bad we suck and. 1)Yell “rabble rabble rabble!” every time the refs make a shit call or our coaches call a shit play. Yes, I am stealing this straight from South Park. No, I don’t give a shit. If we could get the entire student section yelling rabble “rabble rabble” like a bunch of angry Galgamex priests it might be the funniest thing ever. We would have something to look forward to for a change.
paul eason wrote this
t s e b e h t s c i p y t in par
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Lying to Loved-Ones:
The secret to a successful Thanksgiving break Thanksgiving is freaking awesome. What started as a celebration of our forefathers working together with their Native American neighbors is now a celebration of overeating and professional football, and the best part about it is that schools completely shut down. Food comas and football games are the shit, but above all else, Thanksgiving is about spending time and catching up with family and loved ones. This all sounds well and good, but returning to life at home after nearly an entire semester of unsupervised debauchery can be more challenging than initially thought. Families have a bad habit of actually being interested in what goes on during your life at college. Now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Why would they ask questions they most certainly do not want to know the answers to?” It doesn’t matter. From the second you arrive at home to the moment you drive away you will be bombarded with questions about life in Oxford. Have no fear; The Black Sheep has compiled a series of acceptable answers to your family’s most prying questions. Question: How are classes going? What you say: Classes are going great! I’m really interested in the things I’ve been learning and my professors are great, you can tell they really care. The best part is all of the great experience I’m getting for my career. What you mean: I’m so freaking screwed! For the first 6 weeks of the semester I completely forgot I even enrolled in this one class. Class on a Friday? Who does that!? Not to mention the fact that all of my teachers are total douchebags, except for the hot one I ask out every lecture. She wants me, everyone can tell. Question: Are you still together with your girlfriend? She’s such a sweetheart. What you say: We decided it was best for us to just be friends. College isn’t really the time for a significant other. I’m just
happy that we can still hang out and there isn’t any stupid drama between us. What you mean: That bitch is crazy! She tried to smother me in my sleep with a pillow. I’m pretty sure she watches me through my window at night. I’ve talked to the police about it multiple times but they don’t seem to care. I legitimately fear for my life on a daily basis. Jeeze, she catches me with three of her friends and all of a sudden I’m the worst person ever. Some girls just need to get a grip. Question: Are you working hard or hardly working? (at this point whoever asked the question will grin as if they have just made the single greatest play on words in human history.) What you say: (chuckle) You know me, I like to let loose every now and then, but my main concern is my studies. It would be foolish of me to let partying get in the way of my future. I’ve actually been considering joining the priesthood. What you mean: I pulled an all-nighter in the library the other night, and by all-nighter and I mean I stumbled in drunk off my ass and passed out in a stairwell for 10 hours. When the cops woke me up I told them I was taking a study break. My weekends last for no fewer than three days regardless of whether or not I have class, but I would say four days a week is the optimum amount of partying. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’ve been working hard, but I would definitely say that I’ve been doing work. Question: Is that a tattoo? What you say: No, don’t be ridiculous. My body is a temple and I will treat it as such. What you mean: Absolutely. It’s a symbol of how nobody will ever love Dave Matthews Band as much as me. Nobody! Question: So what do you want to do after you graduate? What you say: To be honest, I’m not sure. I have so many
doors and opportunities open to me right now that I don’t know which path my life will take. I just take pride in the fact that I’ll graduate on time, ready and willing to enter the workforce. What you mean: Whoa, pump the brakes. Did you really just ask about graduating? You’re looking entirely too far into the future right now. Let’s focus on more short-term issues like “am I going to pass this class?” or “how many times can I be arrested for public intoxication without having to serve jail time?” I’ll graduate when I’m damn well ready. Lots of people go to college for seven years. There you have it. An answer key to the most common questions you will likely encounter when you make your triumphant return home. Grab some turkey, put on the game, and trip on some tryptophan, you can rest easy knowing that the secrets of your college life are safe for another year.
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MAKE EVERY DAY A HAPPY ONE
Let’s Take a Shot: Words to Live or Die By
bailey blossom wrote this
Let’s just say it’s a Thursday, everyone’s out for a night of debauchery and poor decisions. A good time is had by all, except for your annoying friend trying to talk about something serious with you (“Wait, wait, but THIS…”). You look around only to see your crew contently uninvolved in this serious conversation. You want out. What do you do? Staunchly suggest the four words that will hopefully get Serious Sally (or Sam) far enough gone to forget what they are talking about and pull the group back together. “Lets take a shot!” Mental reaction: “NO. NO. NO.” Verbal reaction: “HELL YEAH! WOO!” The group has vetoed the first two shot suggestions because nobody enjoys well tequila or Rumpleminze. And if you do, congratulations on being the 1% of America without taste buds. However, the veto goes in one ear and out the next, and moments later you’re in possession of one of the two deadly drinks. You stand there and daintily hold the shot between your thumb and pointer finger and have a brief internal prepsesh:“It’ll be fine, I’ll look like such a baby if I don’t do it, the misery can only last so long…” Everyone makes a toast to the freakin’ weekend and throws it back, except for the loser who poured it out on the ground. The shot has been ingested and everyone fixates on a single, still object thirty feet away. No one speaks a word for 10 or so seconds. That’s the 10-second window where, if any sudden movements are made, there will be consequences of the vomit-related variety. It’s over. You’re finished with shots for the rest of the night. Dues have been paid. Now, on the other hand, if the shot-buyer decides to not be a complete jerk and cause everyone the stress of a disgusting, potentially vomit-inducing shooter, the outcome differs entirely. The “girly” shot—also recognized as glorified sour mix-- may not require the energy and preparation of a Rumple or warm Jose, but it can lead to an equally dangerous outcome. These lemon drop, gummy bear, water moccasin, pinkpanty-dropper, what have you, should come with a disclaimer: WARNING: One round of these girly-shots will lead to 6 more, due to their desirable taste and appetizing color. It’s a rarity that only one round of these are purchased, because they taste like sweet, sweet intoxicating candy. In retrospect it would have been safer to go with the choice deemed too dangerous, the rail shot, and risk the immediate, public, disgraceful gag. Instead, you had 89 sweet, girly shots and wake up with a more massive hangover Jose could have ever delivered. Shots deserve respect due to the sole fact that they will forever be stuck in a love/ hate relationship. They’re great for getting you to your final desitnation, acting like a bad ass and having a good time. On the other side of the coin, they’re awful, they give you hangovers like you wouldn’t believe, and ones you’ll barely remember. There will always be the exceptions, those who are devout lovers of shots AND strict haters of shots. Wherever you fall on the spectrum of shot-respect, hopefully you can relate and the next toast will be to this article. Cheers.
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Nicktoon of the Month: Ren & St impy
monty miller wrote this
Welcome back to our continuing series on the Nicktoons of the 90’s. We try to analyze these classic cartoons from the more educated and informed viewpoint that has come with age. We’re still really immature though, so mostly we’ll talking about all the hidden fetish jokes that Nickelodeon slipped in right under our noses. This week’s toon: Ren & Stimpy. We’ve kind of gotten off track with this continuing series. The initial idea was to revisit these cartoons to show how your favorite shows as a child were secretly some of the most twisted and perverted material on television at the time; however, lately the cartoons have either been immaculate and nearly perfect ( ) or just plain terrible (Rocket Power) but equally lacking in poop jokes or references to female genitalia. Well, you can relax, because this week’s Nicktoon puts all the others to shame when it comes to creepy subliminal messages and borderline mental molestation: Ren & Stimpy First, here’s a little background on the show just in case you need a refresher course: Ren Hoek (that’s Swedish), a paranoid, vicious and insecure Chihuahua, lives together with Stimpson J. Cat, a fat Manx cat who, for some unknown reason, constantly wears white gloves. Their days seem to revolve around bickering with each other, eating powdered toast, and repeatedly singing “Happy Happy, Joy Joy” to the point where it actually becomes an enjoyable song (if you were a fan of the show, you’re probably singing it to yourself right now). The sexual side gets a little weird when one considers the show through the scope of light bondage. Both Ren and Stimpy revel in physical pain, inflicted on either themselves, or in most cases, by Ren directed at Stimpy. There’s scenes with Ren quivering in both agony and delight as his face is grated against a man’s stubble. And Stimpy’s Happy Helmet, a mind-control device that leaves Ren contorting his face while caught in an erotic stupor. Even a standard scene reeks of, “Oh, you’re into that.” as they laugh and smile and kick the shit out of one another.
Despite all this domestic abuse that regularly occurs in their household, Ren and Stimpy are best friends. They eat together, laugh together, cry together…even sleep together. And that’s where the weird goes pro. As a child this didn’t seem too strange to me, but now it’s pretty obvious that Ren and Stimpy are as gay as wiener-flavored lollipop. Which means very gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Ren is definitely the husband of the relationship, and he does what every normal husband should: he physically and verbally abuses his “wife,” Mrs. Stimpy. At one point they discuss and plan a wedding, which of course would mean relocation to Massachusetts or the center of the gay-universe, San Francisco. They even have a child together in one episode. By “have a child,” I mean they collect one of Stimpy’s farts in a jar. I would discuss this event further, but the emotional scarring it would cause you would be irreversible. There are many, many more surreal, disgusting things in the show I could discuss, but you’d be reading for days, so I suggest you just re-watch the show yourself. Like the rest of the Nicktoons we’ve discussed, Ren & Stimpy is on Netflix Instant right now.
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Bartender of the
Bolls uinnclub Qcanopy nd Table The Rou
Major: Political Science and Spanish Status: Single Favorite shot to make: Washington Apple What is your favorite liquor to drink straight: Moonshine. Favorite pickup line that shouldn’t of worked: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? What super power would you like to have?: Fly – to get places really fast and you don’t have to sit in traffic. In a horror movie, who would you be sleeping with when you are murdered?: Minka Kelly Future Aspirations: MLB baseball player. It’s most respectable. What’s your theme song? “Trapstar” – Young Jeezy Kill, Hitch, Bang: Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Love
Week
Hewitt. Kill Jennifer Love Hewitt, Marry Jennifer Aniston, Bang Jennifer Lopez Craziest place you’ve woken up: Ben Bryan’s car. What you would do if you had a time machine: Go back and invent the internet. What is your pet peeve?: When I call someone but they don’t call me back. They text me back instead. Desert Island Dame: Mila Kunis Would you rather take a hit from Mike Tyson, in his prime, or take a full speed tackle from Ray Lewis?: Ray Lewis, because Ray Lewis is a bitch. Birkenstock or Crocs: Birkenstocks for sure. If you could punch one person in the face and get away with it, who would it be? Dan Mullen (MSU coach).
recipe for disaster:
drinking game:
JENGA! Before a night on the town, everyone needs some good, hard wood. Yes, guys too. So strap in and sit down for a game that can get real sexy in a hurry. We’re talking about Jenga, of course. What you need: Friends (or random strangers you find on the street, but hey, up to you), Jenga, a permanent marker, and any kind of alcohol you want. Number of players: Two or more. Intoxication Level: The stack of bricks won’t be the only thing toppling over. How to Play: -Grab your Jenga game and pull out the blocks. -Write instructions on each block with your handy dandy permanent marker. You can make them really simple things like giving out drinks or you can make them more personalized. -Suggested instructions: chug your drink; take a shot; kiss the person next to you; remove an article of clothing; spend the rest of the round making chicken noises; take the drink of the person to your left; lick your foot; make a rule. -Each person must pull a block out from Jenga and follow what it says. In the event that someone makes a rule, everyone must follow it or suffer the consequences (take six!). -After the block has been pulled and the instructions have been followed, the block must be placed on a top corner of the pile. -When the pile falls, the person at fault must chug the rest of his or her drink. The Game Ends When: The tower falls or people become unable to see straight.
thirsty for more? theblacksheeponline.com/drinkage
Hot Dog Mac and Cheese
Remember when you were a kid and your mom made you lunch? It was probably macaroni and cheese and a hot dog on multiple occasions. I bet you miss those days. Lucky for you, there’s a college kid’s version of it! What you need: Any box of mac and cheese, any kind of hot dog, a stove, a microwave, pepper (optional), tobasco sauce (optional), and bread (also optional). Cook time: Ten minutes. Tops. Fatty factor: This all depends on your meat to pasta ratio. It’s clearly carb and sodium heavy, but who cares? You can be healthy when you graduate. Let’s Get bakin’: -Turn on the stovetop. -Boil that water. -Add the noodles and wait for them to soften. -Drain noodles. -Microwave your desired amount of hot dogs on a paper plate. Maximum 1 minute. -Add your butter to the macaroni and stir until it’s mostly melted. -Add the provided cheese packet and stir. -Add the milk (for cheesier mac and cheese, add minimal milk). -Stir until it’s all nice and creamy. -Chop up your hot dogs into small pieces. -Add the hot dogs to the macaroni and cheese. Stir. -For some extra flavor, add your desired amount of pepper and/or tobasco sauce. -If you’re in the mood for a sandwich, grab some bread and pile on the Mac and Cheese. -Get a plate, and go at it like you’re about to be fucking executed. Or if you’re in the mood for something lighter and more hilarious, eat it in front of your friends and make panting noises as you chew. This lets them know how orgasmic it is. This recipe is awesome because it’s a throwback to your childhood. It’s cheap and affordable (ideal college kid foods), and if you decide to use the bread, it’s even going to help out your hangover!
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the entertainment page the black sheep interviews:
12 planet th
The Black Sheep: How did you get involved making dubstep music? Was there a moment you first heard dubstep and you realized that’s what you wanted to do? 12th Planet: Before the whole dubstep explosion I was producing and DJing drum and bass, my alias was Infiltrata and I was touring really, really hard. I was always going to England, and I was also playing in Europe, Canada, and all over the US. I got to hang out in Europe in 2005 or 2006, and I played this show that had a checkin room with a screen playing this music that sounded like slow drum and bass, and I was like, “What is this stuff?,” like I kind of didn’t like it at first. I just thought it was some sick joke. One of my boys was like “Have you ever heard this music, dubstep?” I went to England again to that same place for New Year’s Eve and we saw how fast dubstep was, we heard like 40 different languages in one night. It was people from Slovakia and China and people from Hungary and Amsterdam and France and everyone was there to just support the movement, and this was in 2006? Maybe 2007? That’s when I got hooked, it just blew my mind, everything about it. TBS: How would you describe how dubstep differs from regular electronic music? 12th Planet: The difference was more blatant four or five years ago, but I think where dubstep is now is this kind of melting pot of like electro house and big room house and rave, and drum and bass all put into one. It used to just be noises, like all other electronic music, but it had different BPM, beats per minutes. It has 140 beats per minute, but the people singing are at half-time, like 70 BPM, but the rest of the energy on the track is at 140 BPM. That’s the difference between all the other electronic music and dubstep, the beats per minute.
Rising dubstep DJ, 12th Planet, has more enthusiasm than you could pack into a bottle rocket. This LA native can talk for hours, about getting his DJ name from a book about aliens (“It will fucking change you life. It fucked me up so hard.”) to what he calls his bong (“I think it’s just called ‘The Lakers Bong.’”) But mostly this down-to-earth dude loves making music, preferably with Skrillex at all times of the day, and performing for the masses. Check him out with Skrillex on The Mothership Tour, hitting up towns all around the US.
TBS: How do you go about making a new song and new beats? 12th Planet: I just get a little inspiration and smoke a little weed and just start writing. I don’t start with drums or start with bass, I just do whatever I feel like. If I have a sample I’ll start with the sample and build around, but if I have a drum kit that I made I’ll just start with that drum kit, or if I’m messing around with a razor or something that makes a cool noise, I’ll just make a song from there. Sometimes they see the light of day, sometime they don’t. One out of every 15 tracks sees the light of day. TBS: You’re on tour now with Skrillex, and it seems like you guys are pretty good friends. How did you guys meet? 12th Planet: Oh, that’s my bud. That’s a damn good question. He was always that kid that was at the shows and we’d talk about the songs that were playing. Then we saw each other at Coachella like two years ago and he started sending me tracks and I fell in love with them right off the bat. Before he started making beats by himself he was in that band From First to Last which was a vocal project, and in those tracks he had sick production and the songwriting was amazing. So I invited him to come sing his songs on my sets, so we did that two or three times and we’ve just been close every since. He lives in downtown LA, I live in downtown, we have a lot of the same friends. It’s always party time. TBS: What can someone expect from a 12th Planet Show? 12th Planet: Lots of jumping and girls taking their shirts off and crowd-surfing and people rushing the barricade and having so much fun. TBS: Do you have any pre-show rituals or post-show rituals?
thanks for nothing, thanksgiving Music: Mary J. BligeMy Life II…The Journey Continues Release Date: November 21, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: The soulful wail of Mrs. Blige is the siren song for recently-broken hearts. Even if you’re serially single, keep this album on repeat— and loud—to make sure that no one joins you in the fake frown town you’ve built. If any siblings don’t fall for the ruse, you’re going to have to recruit them, we suggest offering a 20% cut of whatever your parents give you for pity presents.
12th Planet: I used to just drink a lot, but now I’m just sober for all my shows, so that’s my ritual now. It used to be instead of trying to entertain everybody else it was just me partying and DJing for myself. Now it’s like, since I’m on this tour and playing 5000 capacity rooms you kind of have to be on point and interact with the crowd and have a better performance. So I was like that [inebriated] for the last two or three years but the last couple of months, the last 40 or 50 shows, I’ve been kind of sober. That’s my pre-show ritual now; my post-show ritual is to get drunk. TBS: What’s the first thing you’re drinking? 12th Planet: I’m drinking Stella. It’s my favorite beer; it’s on my rider. That and vodka and sugar-free Red Bull. TBS: What else is on your rider? 12th Planet: A bucket of fried chicken, grape soda, Magnum condoms, watermelon and grapes. TBS: If you could collaborate with anybody dead or alive, who would you pick? 12th Planet: Skrillex, every day of the week. If I could I’d work with him every minute of every day. TBS: So I have a feeling I already know this answer, but if you were trapped in an elevator for 24-hours who is the one person you wish you were stuck with? 12th Planet: Skrillex, that’s my boy. We’d make that empty elevator a party, we’d probably make music off the level buttons on the elevator, maybe hit the fire alarm a few times.
Record it on a phone and call it a day. TBS: In your dressing room, or in life, would you prefer to have a chocolate fountain or a melted cheese fountain? 12th Planet: A chocolate fountain. But the cheese does sound kind of good, too. I can’t answer that question. If it’s nacho cheese to dip nachos in it, then I’m going with that. TBS: Finish this sentence: “Nothing turns me on more than…” 12th Planet: Oh. That’s a tough one. I should go with the obvious, but that’s not interesting. Oh gosh, fuck. I mean… uh… uh… oh god this is tough! TBS: If you want to say “tits and ass” you can say that. 12th Planet: Tits and ass, dude! Let’s go with that. That’s the honest to God truth. Watching Breaking Bad turns me on, too.
JESS SOMMERS WROTE THIS
Excited to spend some quality time with the family this Thanksgiving? Didn’t think so. Here’s some Thanksgiving releases that scream, “My media intake is more important than talking to you.” By: Brendan
Movie: The Muppets Release Date: November 23, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: Your parents grew up during the Muppets’ heyday, back when they’d light up a jay, flip on channel 2 and mellow out before a night on the town. They’ll know exactly why you’re seeing this movie, but will be too scared of potential confrontation to call you out on your motives.
Video Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Release Date: November 8, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: “I swear to shit you little scummy jizz taster, try to come in here again and I’ll fistfuck your decapitated mom’s neckhole.” Your parents will assume the machine gun swearing directed towards 13-year-olds coming from your side of the door is meant for them. They never knew you thought about grandma that way, especially after she died in that horrific guillotine accident.
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the interview
Mat Kearney
We got to chat with Mat Kearney, a passionate 30-something singer/songwriter/storyteller to talk about life as an ever evolving musician. Be sure to check out Kearney's latest album Young Love, as well as on a tour near you. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: How do you describe yourself as a musician? Mat Kearney: Not very well. I tend to say I’m a songwriter but when I think “What kind of music?” it’s somewhere between melodic storytelling and beats. I haven’t quite figured out how I fit into the whole thing, I can’t tell if that’s what makes me annoying or endearing, but I’m trying to figure that out myself. TBS: If you were to describe yourself in 5 words to a stranger, what words would you use? MK: Storyteller, epic, melodic, beat-driven, songwriter. TBS: You talk about where you do and do not fit in, and you’ve said that your influences range from Bob Dylan to A Tribe Called Quest. When you write music, do you purposely try to incorporate those contrasting sounds or is it just natural? MK: It’s a natural evolution, it’s reconciling where you’ve come from and what you’re into currently. [When I was young] I was a little skater kid that listened to a lot of hip-hop music and ran around getting arrested for doing graffiti on things, and then I went to college and become a literature major and prided myself on my ability to write. At the core I still love rhythmic story telling but I also fall in love with different kinds of music every day. TBS: Who are some musicians today that you really enjoy? MK: I really love Drake’s last record, if we’re talking about hip-hop. I still think Tom Waits is the greatest living. I really like Adele’s record, I know it’s a huge record. I really enjoy the new Noah and the Whale, too. TBS: How do you go through the songwriting process when it’s just you and your guitar? Do you ever hesitate because there isn’t really someone to check you, or do you like not having to run your ideas past someone else? MK: I think I have a cool thing going because when it comes to sitting down and writing a song by myself there’s a magic in that that happens and I do that. There’s songs like “Learning to Love Again” and “Rochester” on my record that are just me and a guitar in my living room. But a lot of songs that I write, the music is a collaboration. A lot of the record we would sit down and create beats and grooves and changes, almost like a hip-hop record. Then I would take it away and try to write the most gut-wrenching story over the grooves. Maybe we would add guitar later so I had something to do on stage, but there are a lot of collaborations going on.
CD REVIEW
Out Now
Summer camp
Welcome to Condale
B+
We’ll be welcomed back to Summer Camp any day. When I think of the noun “summer camp,” visions of running around in a wet swimsuit, flirting with the boys in the older cabins and maxing out on popsicles is what floods my mind. The music that could be the proverbial soundtrack to all of that carefree nonsense is inconsequently from a London duo called Summer Camp who, despite only making music together for about two years, have managed to make their mark on the fuzzy-wuzzy buzzband circuit. And maybe because they look so good with that sunkissed glow. Welcome to Condale starts off with a great catchy pop tune “Better Off Without You” that sounds vaguely 80s but in the best, most genuine way. The album continues on in a similar poppy fashion, with spurts of interesting interludes like the beginning of “I Want You,” which sounds like the beginning of a dramatic movie scene and continues on with somewhat daunting lyrics and slow-downed techno beats. The British influence on the band is somehow more prominent during the track “Losing My Mind” where both members of the band come in for vocals, providing that nice texture of varying vocal styles. “Down” is another awesome, catchy tune that makes you want to do the running man in neon leg-warmers, like, so badly. Their stand-out track, though, is “Ghost Train” which starts off with a spo-
ken break-up (“I wanna get hurt!”) and continues on into a beautifully orchestrated song that has all the makings for a summer romance. Or a winter romance—something has to keep you warm these days. Either way, this will be a track you’ll have on repeat and be so content about it. While the album does an overall great job with the music and the lyrics, it could stand for a little bit more diversity. The slower songs come at you like an unexpected wedgie, one that you couldn’t even laugh at later. But what’s great about Summer Camp is their unique sound, and that they own it. For seemingly ripping off any number of '80s band, this group plays it up perfectly without being forced or kitsch, yet still manages to put a hip 2000s spin on it that is as much refreshing as it is beneficial. To be able to strike that balance shows their legitimate talent, and is what gives me hope that this group will continue to do great things. Hopefully they’ll be back next year… please, please let them be back next year, but with smoother skin and no more braces. Sounds Like: Summertime in 1985. Download: Ghost Train, Down, 1988 Listen to it When: The cold is getting you down, and so is 2011.
UPCOMING RELEASES >>> Angels & Airwaves -Love Part One and Part Two Disturbed - Lost Children Cass McCombs -Humor Risk Now 40: That's What I Call Music
Keith Jarrett - Rio Mac Miller - Blue Slide Park David Lynch - Crazy Clown Park Animals as Leaders - Weightless
TBS: Do you go into writing a new album with an idea in mind? How much thought goes into an album? MK: It’s much more organic, how the songs come out. Singer/songwriters get boring most of the time, so I knew that I wanted to have moments where you would put this record on in your car and it would make your head bob. But I also knew that I wanted to have these stories that had to follow, these gutwrenching narratives of people. I want one of those people to be myself and those people around me, and I guess that’s all I knew when I set out to make this record. Me falling in love and getting married and that part of my life, there are a lot of songs about that butterfly-in-your-stomach thing, because I was going through that. TBS: How do you strike that balance between experimenting with music and knowing that fans and others above you have expectations of you? MK: I don’t know how to do that, I struggle with that. On this record I didn’t make a licensing record, which I’ve been known to do. I wrote about a lot of specifics and I know that doesn’t always work well when you’re trying to license it, but I just felt like I needed to do that for my own sake and for a story that I wanted to tell. You don’t want to totally change the rules on your fans every record, but I think my voice and my writing approach and the stories I choose to write about, people can relate to that stylistically and also emotionally. TBS: How is the touring lifestyle different for someone who plays on stage alone? MK: We’re a 5-piece band and it’s pretty rock-heavy; I more model myself after Bruce Springsteen then Bob Dylan. I’ve had guys that have played with me for six years and they are some of my best friends and they play on my records. It’s an interesting existence because at the end of the day you have the final say, but there’s a lot of times where it’s very democratic process, much like a band. I don’t think I get the full benefit of the camaraderie that comes with being in a band; there’s some days where this is a job for some people, and with all the traveling it gets lonely. I try to level the playing field so they feel respected as band members on stage. It’s a weird distance. I think the way I’ve gotten around it is just hiring really good friends. TBS: If you had the opportunity to collaborate with someone living or dead, who would you choose? MK: Bruce Springsteen or Jay-Z. It’d be exciting. TBS: If tomorrows aliens come to planet Earth and they chose you to fight for the survival of the world with any one thing, what topic do you take them on in? MK: I would put them in a navigational challenge – I am like Magellan in my head, man. Meet me anywhere, and I know exactly what direction we are in. I know where I am at all moments, it’s kind of spooky to people. I know the quickest route to everywhere we’re going, always. TBS: What goes on your perfect sandwich? MK: It would be pepper turkey, Muenster cheese, lettuce, red onions, balsamic vinegar. Classic. It works every time.
( class time )
6 degrees of separation
Know how these two are connected? Submit your answer to 6degrees@theblacksheeponline.com to possibly win a sweet prize!
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? Dylan mcdermott
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beyonce knowles
! s a t i r a g r a 2-4-1 M All Day Monday, Thursday and Saturday enjoy delicious greek cuisine with our outdoor dining! Gyros, greek salads, hummus, pitas, pizzas and so much more!
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madlib: your own worst movie 1: Thing 2: Type of person 3: Action 4: Verb 5: Noun 6: Movie 7: Movie 8: Verb 9: City or town 10: Age 11: Gender 12: Name 13: Same name as 12 14: Verb 15: Adjective
16: Same name as 12 17: Adjective 18: Verb 19: Same thing as 1 20: Verb 21: Noun 22: Verb 23: Same person as 2 24: Same person as 2 25: Noun 26: Verb 27: Same noun as 25 28: Verb
( class time )
Dude, did you hear about my awesome movie idea? I want to do a movie where ___1___ and ___2___ are forced to ___3___ to ensure the ___4___ of the ___5___. Basically, it’s going to be like ___6___ meets ___7___, only with more ___8___. The film opens in ___9___, when a ___10___-year-old ___11___ named ___12___ is woken up in the middle of the night by a strange noise. When ___13___ looks outside she starts ___14___. It’s pretty ___15___. The next day ___16___ only vaguely remembered what had happened the night before, though she was sure it was ___17___. On her way to class things seemed weird. The streets were empty, no one was outside, shops were closed. It’s as if the entire town was inside ___18___ each other. Turns out, they were. You see, the ___19___ had a very specific agenda. They wanted to ___20___ the ___21___ through ___22___. They thought if they had every ___23___ other ___24___, the ___25___ would ___26___ and the ___27___ would ___28___. Doesn’t that sound like a badass movie, dude?
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