WMU - 3/1/12 - v04i04 by The Black Sheep

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Volume 4, Issue 4 2/29/12 - 3/14/12

True Life: I’m Not Attending PCB 2012

Hannah Weyer wrote this

Back in November I overheard some of my classmates discussing their plans for spring break. They had it planned down to the last detail, from where they were going, to whom they were going with, to who lost at rock paper scissors and had to drive their car. Because it seemed outrageous to plan spring break so anally four months before the fact, I laughed and politely asked if there was something wrong with them. They looked at me ruefully before going back to their plans. Now it’s days away from spring break and I have nothing planned. The original blueprint was to take a train home for the week to see my family. Why? Because on top of being unable to plan for anything more complicated than a bathroom break, I also have no life. Instead of the typical spring break plans (getting belligerent), I had other plans in mind. I was going to have a Lord of the Rings marathon with one of my best friends, sleep a lot and let everyone shower me with early birthday praise. Personally, I thought it was a good plan. Not great, but better than attending school. But last week my mother took home a lovely little something called Swine Flu and now my entire family is incapacitated with topically obsolete sniffles. I cannot go home for fear of spreading the Swine Flu to Kalamazoo and giving everyone yet another thing to blame the Jews for. Nor am I one of those rich Jews that can fly off to Paris for a week because I have nothing better to do. I personally wrote a list of everything I can do for spring break and scratched off every single impossibility. All I was left with are hitchhiking across the continental United States until I’m a) murdered or b) murdered; because there’s only one way that story ends. My last option was to stay on campus. And let me tell you now, I had to create a very comprehensive chart on the pros and cons of being murdered before I gave up and decided to stay on campus. There are several types of people that stay on campus for spring break, and all of them are boring. I never thought of myself as a boring person, despite being the sole sober Bronco. I am interesting on the inside. But we all took the ACTs. We know how this goes. People who stay on campus are boring. I am staying on campus. Logic tells me that I am, in fact, boring. I’m right up there with people who say that the manufacturing of paper is a fascinating process and mean it.

Other stuff

Inside

And I’m going to be stuck in Kalamazoo with those same people, drinking tea at the library (the actual library, not The Library), discussing obscure Quebec separatist literature and painting thrilling watercolors of landscapes and… You know what? Fuck that. I don’t care about violent religious factions in the Middle East and I’m not going to start just because that’s all people around here want to talk about. No, campus is going to be nearly empty and I plan on taking full advantage of that. I’ll start by chugging a bottle of Nyquil and a pot of coffee and painting campus with my vengeful vandalism. Maybe afterwards I will befriend a squirrel- I’ve always wanted an army of rodent minions who are utterly devoted to me. Maybe I’ll become addicted to meth and spend the entire break without pants, not unlike many others who will be in Florida for spring break. Hell, maybe I’ll even get a job. But whether I decide to devote my week to contributing fantastic new insults to the English language (I kind of like “douchenoodle”) or slapping on a fake mustache to buy my first illegal beer, you can be damn sure I’m not going to just let myself become even more boring. No, I am going to use spring break to salvage my awesome, duel a wild animal to reclaim my honor and, yeah, probably become addicted to meth. And that’s a hell of a lot more interesting than what you had planned, so suck it.

Everyone has them, but only you pee your pants when you’re nervous.

One Does Not Simply Create A Meme Page and Go Unnoticed!

see page 5

That Awkward Moment on Campus

WMU Memes

let's go to central!

We tried to string together a really vulgar set of words, turned out it was uttered once.

see page 7

Shit Broncos Never Say

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THe top ten

popping your smart phone cherry

Spring Breakers 10. Professor Usedtobecool: That one who always makes himself sound “cool” in class by talking about beer and drugs, he’s got long gray hair and wears Hawaiian shirts every day. You’ll find him sitting at the end of the bar at Margaritaville from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. the whole week. If he sees you, he’ll chat about acid trips of yesteryear and keeps nonchalantly scratching his balls every three minutes.

Hannah Weyer wrote this

9. The “Woo” Girl: She drinks three shots of Montezuma Tequila every morning for “breakfast”, then promptly heads to the beach for full day of tanning... And drinking. By three o’clock if her tits aren’t smothering some frat boy’s face, she’s taking a shit in the ocean while she bongs two loaded Coronas.

I’m not one of those people that know what’s happening anywhere at any time, though I’ll admit I’m m vaguely aware of all of the world events going on. The same goes for technology. I was the type of person who had just joined MySpace when Facebook hit its boom. I got my first QWERTY phone when my friends were showing off their touch screens. I’m new to this. That’s why I’ve always been a little wary of Apple. It looked like the future and nearly everyone I see has an iPod, iPhone, iPad, iPen or whatever else these geniuses come up with. I mean damn, you can Google right from your freaking phone! Apple users know how Skype works and what to put on a broken arm and how to scare a bear. I was intimidated by the realness. But I- yes, I- have recently joined the ranks of Apple users with my iPhone 4. I named it Awesomesauce and gave it a cute South Park cover and guess what? Now I’m at least average in my technology know-how, and I DO know what to put on a broken arm (trick question: you shouldn’t put anything on a broken arm. Not even a large rock.)! There are a few things that people don’t tell you about being a first time Apple user, though. Like: You will become a terrible speller. iPhones have this sick feature called Auto Correct for when you type anything on it. Naturally, terrible spellers think it’s the greatest goddamned thing on the planet because in texts they can finally seem like they speak English, which is great for anyone who knows a terrible speller. But Auto Correct is also famous for the hilarious miscommunications that result in you accidentally asking your mother if she remembered the condoms from the store.

8. The Fat Girl: Exactly like the “Woo” girl, but chases her morning tequila with her leftovers from Waffle House from 5 hours earlier. Instead of her tits smothering some frat boy’s face, they’re smothering Professor Usedtobecool’s feet while he watches Seinfeld re-runs. She tries to stand on top of the bar but can’t hoist herself up.

out $0.99 for a calculator. I had no idea the sheer volume of free applications available. Since getting Awesomesauce I have cameras that filter pictures to look like they were taken in the 70s. I have three different zombie games. I have keyboards for French, Chinese, Japanese (because they have the best emoticons) and one specifically so I can text in funny faces. Flashlights, currency converters, metric to imperial units converters, a mixology app that gives me recipes for the liquors I have on hand (I don’t even drink), a news app that only tells me what I’m interested in, a white noise app, games, YouTube, a doodle app, Kindle- and I didn’t pay a cent for any of it. They’re all completely free in the app store, and they all make Awesomesauce the most high-tech Swiss Army Knife that ever has or will exist. You will want more. I love Awesomesauce very much. I think it’s probably the best little iPhone that has ever lived and I make a habit of telling it how much I love it. That said I want like six more. Maybe I can do all my typing forever on an iPad and draw mustaches on my professor on Awesomesauce Jr. and listen to stand-up comedy on an iPod while watching a movie on another iPad and defeating the zombie hordes on Awesomesauce while waiting on a call from my mother on another phone. And it’s not even like I have the attention span to do all that at the same time. I just want the option.

"i got my first qwerty phone when my friends were showing off their touch screens. i'm new to this."

I’m also naturally lazy and this doesn’t help. The way Auto Correct works is it kind of watches you type, and if you make a mistake it throws a word at you. I love this. But I have previously had nearly perfect spelling/grammar/punctuation, so there isn’t much of a need for it. In order to hurry on with the very important text about my grandfather’s asthma, I will actually catch myself intentionally misspelling words so Auto Correct will panic and throw words at me. “That sounds tle-” “Did you mean terrible?” Yes I did. Space. Done. Apps are crack. Before I got Awesomesauce, I thought that every app cost money and getting an iPhone would be the biggest waste of money because I’m too frugal of a Jew to shell

I say all that very tentatively because I don’t want to hurt Awesomesauce’s feelings, but even then I’m sure it’s pretty lonely being the most high-tech thing in my dumb little life. Guys, I love Apple. And I say that from the very bottom of my heart. And you should also get an iPhone so we can play ZombieFarm together. I need the neighbors.

7. The Redneck Who Isn’t Actually On Spring Break: Then there’s this guy: camo hat, Guy Harvey shirt, torn jeans, and a Bud Light in his hand. He actually lives right down the road and installs drywall for a living, but, since it’s spring break and he drinks every night anyways, he comes to the club “to hit ohn sum collige bitches”. 6. The Cool Hippie Chick: She’s got a tattoo of a sunflower on her left shoulder blade; she wears headbands and aviator sunglasses, and listens to Beirut and Animal Collective. She wakes up and smokes three joints before “chillin’” on the beach all day and “taking it easy” because last night she got so high she thought her tits were bags of sand. When you try and talk to her, her voice is so “super chill” that you have to lean in to hear her talk, then you realize she’s just talking about the time she visited Uruguay and made hemp necklaces with the local villagers. 5. The Navy Dude: He starts the morning with Jaegerbombs with his Navy Bros while they lift kegs repeatedly to make sure that their biceps are bulging for the beach. They can often be heard saying “I’d tap that!” and “Fuck you, my tribal tat is way better!” while pushing each other and throwing a football on the beach, feigning heterosexuality for fear that they’ll lose their job if they don’t. 4. The Girl Who’s Reluctantly On Spring Break Even Though She’d Rather Be Focusing On Her Biology Homework: Yeah, she gets dressed up and goes out with her friends. Yeah, she’s pretty cute. But when you talk to her at the bar, she refuses to let you buy her a drink because she’s “just taking care of everyone tonight”. And every other night. 3. Captain Organized: “Dude, did you hear about the zipline tour that’s 3 hours away? We should totally do that!” There’s always one kid who wants more than beer on the beach. He actually wants to do touristy stuff. Avoid him. 2. The Kid Who Came Alone: He saw everyone’s plans on Facebook so he booked a room right down the street and arrived early. No one told him to come so it’s incredibly awkward when he “runs into them” on the beach, and follows them around the rest of the afternoon, night, and week. 1. The Totally Been To Spring Break Before And Gonna “DO IT UP!” Frat Guy: He’s a senior now. His liver looks like a shriveled football that passed through Whitney Houston’s colon just before she died. And he knows how to rage bro! It’s his turn to show the freshmen brothers how to party. He’s constantly got his Columbia board shorts, Costa Del Mar sunglasses, and backwards college hat on and ready to rage, bro.

www.theblacksheeponline.com

#thatawkwardmoment On Western’s Campus

I love being first...

Nathan Palcowski wrote this It first started off with "yo momma" jokes. Then it went to "that's what she said" jokes. Now the revolution of students trying to be funny has a new member. The "that awkward moment when..." catch phrase has arrived. No more dissing one another about our moms, or girlfriends, no college students are now civilized people that reminisce on the times in life that make you want to throw up the awkward turtle hand signal.

hill and they stop to say "Hi." While the whole time you are trying to figure out, who the hell are you? It’s even more awkward with your “class friends”. Ya know, those people you never speak to outside of them letting you copy their lecture notes. In your phone they’re a lifesaver, but in class you avoid having to say their name at all costs.

"That awkward moment when that little siren goes off as your going into the cafeteria at WMU." This isn't just awkHere are some popular awkward moments that happen on the ward, but this is embarrassing as well. Does the siren really campus of Western Michigan University almost everyday. have to be that loud? Do you really need to make me feel like I’m smuggling a person that wants to eat in my backpack? It "That awkward moment when you see WMU President John gets even better when everybody seems to look at the front and just see you standing there all innocent with only books Dunn on campus, and you forget how to walk or talk." I in your backpack. don’t think any campus loves their President more than we do. That awesome moment when you finally see the almighty Dunn will happen to almost every WMU student before they "That awkward moment when you show up an hour early graduate. I mean, the guy is the president of the univerfor class." This is when you just let out a big “fuuuuuck” sity. What the hell is he doing just walking around without once you realize what you did. Now, you get to sit down on anybody to protect him? He’s being a boss, that’s what he’s the hard-ass floor of whatever building you’re in and look at doing. And with all your might you try not to stare, but it's so the wall. There is never anybody there that damn early and hard not too. The reaction to seeing him is the same with all it makes you just look like an idiot sitting there all alone. I students, you gawk in awe and you might have to change your pray for you that it doesn’t happen in Dunbar, then you’ll just pants afterward. smell like feet the rest of the day. "That awkward moment when you’re talking to somebody, and you can’t remember their name." This seems to happen a lot to freshman. See, freshman have orientation and Fall Welcome were you have to get in groups and learn about all the great things WMU has to offer. And yes, you might meet that really cool dude/chick, but never talk to them after those days. Until one day that person sees you walking up a

"That awkward moment when you see a WMU football player on campus and point." Football players on campus are pretty easy to spot. They all look tired as hell and are always wearing a beanie with a big "W" on the front. And for normal students who have no athletic ability, its hard not to point and stare at someone who plays on an actual football field and could kick half of the class’ asses in a second.

One Does Not Simply Create A Meme Page and Go Unnoticed andrea walker wrote this

"That awkward moment when you get out of the shower and your roommate is on the toilet." I'm going to say that this happens more with guys than girls, but the phrase is totally true, when you have to go, you have to go. It's just totally weird for a person you met a couple of months ago, taking the Browns to the Super Bowl as you get out of the shower. And who wants to smell a sweet steamy shit coming out of the shower? This phrase will never go out of style, as there will always be those moments in which things just got really extra weird. That's when you phrase the awkward moment and laugh about it in the end. Unless your parents walked in on you having sex…that’s a hard one to come back from.

Be it in a lecture hall on a laptop or on a desktop at home, chances are that if you attend Western you’ve seen the WMU memes page on Facebook. There are the popular templates from the Internet, such as the College Freshman meme (“Rides Longboard ... Dies”) and Western originals with the WMU seal and candids from various walks of shame exhibitionists. Though this hilariously distracting page will cause us all to fail our midterms, its 3,570+ fans treasure its existence. So where did it all start anyway? Being the nosey little kids we are, The Black Sheep had to find out.

Through a slight error, Anon did end up revealing his identity to the engineering students. They were amazed to discover that it was single-handedly done by a freshman. Now get up off the ground and pick up the chair you just fell over in. Yes, the creator is a freshman. However, this proved to be advantageous in its own right. This allowed a few shy people to hand him their own material that they were afraid to post. One teacher’s assistant even took Anon into his office and wrote his own material on the white board to be transferred onto the WMU meme page.

I had the pleasure of meeting the man behind the memes. He prefers to keep his identity a secret, so he’ll be referred to as Anon (Clark Kent was taken). According to Anon, it all started a few weekends ago. Anon was browsing Facebook and noticed that U of M and MSU had their own meme pages. He discounted it, due to their rivalry. However, upon encountering Oakland’s meme page in the wee hours of that Monday morning he knew that WMU had to get on board as well. That very moment he decided that he’d take the honorable responsibility and be the almighty creator of this page. “We must do this for Western!” Anon stated. Thus, WMU memes was born, equipped with only a few memes and about 60 friends.

Though the page was created for Western students to share their humor, Anon admits that he is overjoyed that WMU created their page before CMU. According to him (and anyone capable of common sense), “It just proves that we’ll always be better.” Not only does its growing popularity express the awesomeness of the page, but Broncos are also talking about it. Rick E., Senior, states, “ I love the page, it’s great, but some posters need to LEARN THEIR MEMES.” Tommy S., a fellow engineer states, “The page is awesome. Another engineer would have made it. I’m not surprised.”

The page gained popularity faster than a girl from Sigma Pi could hit the ground. Within 8 hours of its creation WMU memes had 300 members. In 24 hours it skyrocketed to just under 2,000 members. Anon recalls riding the bus to Parkview and watching other engineer majors pass a smartphone around, showing off his creation. Anon remained modest and concealed, “It’s supposed to be about the school, not me.” he states. What a good guy. However, he admits that he did feel a little proud, especially seeing posts that read: “Bless You Anonymous Creator!” I don’t blame him, hell I’d probably be bragging to everyone I walked past on campus.

On a more personal note (well, as personal as one can get with a vigilante), Anon says that his favorite meme of all time is one comparing an audience’s reaction to President Dunn compared to his Predecessor. Other favorites include Parkview memes and “Not Sure if Farm Animal or CMU Girl”. He claims to be a bit of a B-tard, his favorite sex position is doggy (though his girlfriend doesn’t like it), and thinks that Den Pop is the best reason to be a Bronco. See, here at Western we do have a great sense of community because anyone who goes here fucking loves it and this page is just another example of why it’s a great day to be a Bronco!

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shit broncos never say dana wrote this

“Did you read that awesome article in The Herald?”

“They need fewer booths in Bistro 3.” “I can tell you everything that I did last night.” “Can I borrow your tail tomorrow?” “WMU hockey sucks.” “So many open parking spaces!” Since you’re a college student you have a Facebook account, “I’ve never seen the 'Scott’s is buying gold, silver, and coins!’ commercial.” and because you’re bored in class you slip in a headphone “Of course I go 35 on West Michigan Ave.” and hit up Youtube. Undoubtedly you’ve seen the “shit people say” videos. They’re self-explanatory, it’s a video of “Thanks for the Bible old man.” shit certain people say and don’t say. Surprisingly enough, “I’ve held onto my eco-mug since freshman year.” there has yet to be one about WMU. For shame! Are we so ‘Thanks garbage man for coming at 6a.m.” plain? Or maybe it’s what we don’t say that sets us apart. If you’re a true Bronco, none of these words will ever come “Wanna go to a WMU basketball game tonight?” out of your mouth. “I would’ve got rid of Panda Express too.” “Did you see all the hot girls at Parkview?” “I wish my room smelled like Dunbar.” “I’ve never considered jumping in front of a WMU bus.” “I know exactly where Rood Hall is.” “Fight Broncos Fight…what’s the next line?” “Jin Hau Lu Bajanstalki is my professor, YES!” “Sindecuse diagnosed me correctly.” “I’ll for sure pick you up from Miller at 2p.m.” “Thanks for awkwardly playing your guitar while I’m studying.” “President Dunn who?” “Of course I remember your name.” “Wise choice replacing Taco Bell with Western Scoops.” “I think I’m going to go home for St. Patrick’s Day.” “I miss living in the Valleys.” “Beer pong? Never heard of it.” “Step on the W for good luck.” “Oh no thanks, I don’t smoke weed.” “My fake worked at the Grotto, again.” “Let’s go to the rec between 6-8.” “Did you read that awesome article in The Herald?” “I don’t drink wine out of a box.” “Do you want to stay in this weekend?” “Let’s see what everyone is handing out at the flagpoles.” “Wendy’s always gets my order right.” “They didn’t sell to me a TJ’s.” “I love walking to class in the snow, uphill both ways.” “It’s not UClub, it’s Campus Habitat.” “Nursing is so easy to get into.” “I’ll just have one beer tonight.” “How do you get to the flagpoles?” “Solar panels, finally!” “Let’s just walk home from Wayside.” “Anyone want to live with me at Western View?” “I just need one minute to print something off in the lab.” “I love the new E-learning.” “I’ve never got a parking ticket.” “No man I have to pass on the Den Pop, I’m broke.” “So my girlfriend from Central…” “I’m transferring to Central.” “I know exactly why there’s a whale on campus. “ “Ew, Sweetwater’s.” Well, that’s it, that’s the issue. We’re different after all. “I understand why people go the wrong way in roundThey say silence is golden, that may not necessarily be true, abouts.” but what you don’t say can tell you who you really are. The internet is a great source of millions of videos that waste hours of your time so it only feels like you’ve been messing around online for 10 minutes. Who wouldn’t want to watch cat videos and the “It’s So Cold In The D” music video instead of studying for a chemistry exam?

The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

SPRING BREAK @ GROTTO March 3-10 Happy Hour ALL DAY, ALL WEEK! $2 Domestic/$3 Micro Pints $2.50 Wells, $3 Fireball Shots

THURS, 3/01

Thirsty Thursday & Happy Hour 3-7pm $5 Handhelds (Burgers Wraps, Sandwiches) $2.25 Domestic Mugs 7-10pm $2.50 Bud/Bud Light Bottles $2.50 Wells $3 SoCo Lime Shots 9pm-1am

FRI, 3/02

T. GROTTO I. F. Happy Hour 3-7pm 2 For $20 ( 1 App, 2 Entrees or Med 3 Topping Pizza, 1 Dessert) $1 Rolling Rock Pints/PBR Bottles $3 Washington Apple Shots $4 Long Island/Long Beach 9pm-1am

$1 PBR Pints ($2 in your mug if you're a mug club member) for all Detroit HOME games! $2.50 Tall Boys for ALL Detroit games (Miller Lt., Bud & Bud Lt., & PBR) STUDY HALL Daily 3-6 $1 PBR, $2.50 Well & Call Drinks New Fall 2011 TAPAS Menu: Everything $3 or Less!

THURS/SAT: 9 to Close Half-Price Drinks EVERY NIGHT After 10pmReg Stix w/Dill $2.50, Chzy Stix w/dill $3.50

$1 Rolling Rock Cans Starting at Midnight

Pitcher Night $6.25+ Mixed Drink Pitchers $5.50 Domestic Beer Pitchers $2 Waldo's Shots (bartenders choice) $1 Burgers

LADIES NIGHT HALF-PRICE DRINKS

19 and Up Night! $1 Domestic Drafts $2 House Shots

All Day Happy Hour (12PM - Close) $2.50 Wells and Calls

9 - Close $2.00 U CALL IT on Pints and Single Liquor Drinks $3 Bilbo & Domestic Quarts, $5 Double Premiums

After 9pm: HALF-PRICE DRINKS

TUESDAY: 60 Cent Hamm's Cans

Progressive Wells from 8-12 Starting at $1.50

SAT, 3/03

$2.50 U-CALL ITS 3PM-1AM 1/2 OFF ENTREES

½ Off All food and Drinks Noon-Midnight

$4 All Bombs, $4 Shot AND a Beer (well shot & domestic bottle) $10 Pizza AND Beer (large 1 topping & domestic pitcher) $1 Off All Bottles (6PM - Close)

SUN, 3/04

FUNDAY SUNDAY $3 Wells, $5 Domestic Pitchers $7 Bell's/Blue Moon Pitchers 3pm-1am $5 Medium Pepperoni Pizza GROTTOHLIC Discount Day

$3 Bloody Marys $2 Domestic 22oz Drafts $2 House Shots

Open for special events only. Call to find out what counts!

Evening: $2 Well Drinks; $4 Double Wells

$2.50 22oz Budweiser and Bud Light $2 House Shots

$2 for 2 tacos 3-11pm $2.50 All BELL’S Beer $3.00 Long Island, Long Beach, Blue Island

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3.00 Premium Pints, $3.25 Super Premium Pints; ($2 well drinks, $4.00 double wells)? Service Industry- 1/2 Price on everything- Bring your pay stub!

60 Cent Hamm's Cans

“W” Club night (3PM - Close) Members Only, Ask About Joining! $3 Domestic Liters, $5 Specialty Liters & $5 Wings TEAM TRIVIA 8pm PK Passport Night: 1/2 Off Startup, $1 Off Bottles, $5 Wings

$3 Quarts Bilbo & Domestic $4 Premiums Qts. $4.25 Super Prem Qts. $3.75 Long Islands

$2.50 22oz Miller Lite $2.75 Wells, $2 House Shots $1 Tacos & Karaoke Bags Tournament w/ Ca$h Prize

Waldo's Vodka Night (6-Close) $3 Shots & Drinks, $5 Martinis 1/2 Off Food for WMU and K College STAFF FREE POOL Starworld Dart League

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3 Premium Pts, $3.25 Super Prem Pts. $2.00 well drinks $4.00 double wells

(33% Off Any Regular Priced Food/Drink Item)

MON, 3/05

BURGERS AND BREWS $4 DELUXE Burger Basket (3-10) $1 PBR Pints (3pm-1am) $2 Domestic Bottles $3 Manager Choice Shots 9pm-1am GROTTOHLIC Discount Day

(33% Off Any Regular Priced Food/Drink Item)

TUES, 3/06

BOOZEDAY TUESDAY Happy Hour 3-7pm $3 ANYTHING 9pm-1am 50 CENT WINGS (9 Delicious Flavors)

WED, 3/07

Happy Hour 3-7pm LIVE TEAM TRIVIA @ 8PM 1st Place $30, 2nd $20, 3rd $10 $3 Miller Lite Mugs 8pm-1am $3 Bacardi/Smirnoff (incl. flav) 9pm-1am 1/2 OFF ALL PIZZA 3pm -10pm GROTTOHLIC Discount Day (33% Off Any Regular Priced Food/Drink Item)

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WEDNESDAY: College Night at Wayside $0.50 drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ Stoz Dance Club Open!

FRIDAY Live Bands - DJ Mix $4 Big PBR Cans $4 John Dalys

1-2-3 Tuesdays $1 Wells 8-10pm, $2 Wells 10-12 $3 Wells 12-2 1/2 Off All Apps 7-11

SPECIAL NIGHT

Canadian Nights $3 Labatt and Molson $6.50 Medium Pizza

Monster Thursday $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas 18+ Allowed!

Ladies Night! $5 Martinis $3 U Call Its $6.75 Man-tinis (Open - 12)

THURS, 3/01

Draft Night! $1 Domestic Pints $1.50 Leinie Pints $4.99 3 Shot Martinis Dance Club Open

Live Bands - DJ Mix $4 Big PBR Cans $4 John Dalys

$1 Bud and Bud Lite Pints $3 You-Call-It $6.75 Mantini's (Open to 1)

FRI, 3/02

$2.50 Pints of Bud Light and Miller Lt. 12-8 $3 U Call Its 9-1am Large, 1-Topping Pizza $7.99

Party Night! $3.50 Featured Domestic Bottles $4 Sex on the Beach

$.50 Rolling Rock Drafts $1.50 Well Drinks

SAT, 3/03

$12 Buckets of Beer Build Your Own Bloody Mary Bar $3.99 Build Your Own Burger

Closed

1/2 Off ALL Food and Drink with WMU ID card or SIN card

SUN, 3/04

$3.25 25oz Domestic Mugs $3.75 Premium and Specialty Mugs 35 cent Wings 50 cent Boneless Wings

Closed

$5 Man-Tini $5 1 Item Pizzas $3 Domestic Mugs

MON, 3/05

Service Industry Night! 1/2 Off! $6.50 Medium Pizza

Closed

1-2-3 Tuesdays $1 Wells 8-10pm, $2 Wells 10-12 $3 Wells 12-2 1/2 Off All Apps 7-11

TUES, 3/06

College Night at Wayside $0.50 drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ Stoz Dance Club Open!

Closed

$2 Drafts and Pints (Open - 12) $12 Martini Sampler

WED, 3/07

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The Bar Grid

The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

SPRING BREAK @ GROTTO March 3-10 Happy Hour ALL DAY, ALL WEEK! $2 Domestic/$3 Micro Pints, $2.50 Wells, $3 Fireball Shots

THURS, 3/08

Thirsty Thursday & Happy Hour 3-7pm $5 Handhelds (Burgers Wraps, Sandwiches) $2.25 Domestic Mugs 7-10pm $2.50 Bud/Bud Light Bottles $2.50 Wells $3 SoCo Lime Shots 9pm-1am

FRI, 3/09

T. GROTTO I. F. Happy Hour 3-7pm 2 For $20 ( 1 App, 2 Entrees or Med 3 Topping Pizza, 1 Dessert) $1 Rolling Rock Pints/PBR Bottles $3 Washington Apple Shots $4 Long Island/Long Beach 9pm-1am

THURS/SAT: 9 to Close Half-Price Drinks EVERY NIGHT After 10pmReg Stix w/Dill $2.50, Chzy Stix w/dill $3.50

Pitcher Night $6.25+ Mixed Drink Pitchers $5.50 Domestic Beer Pitchers $2 Waldo's Shots $1 Burgers

LADIES NIGHT HALF-PRICE DRINKS

$1 Domestic Drafts $2 House Shots

All Day Happy Hour (12PM - Close) $2.50 Wells and Calls

9 - Close $2.00 U CALL IT on Pints and Single Liquor Drinks $3 Bilbo & Domestic Quarts, $5 Double Premiums

After 9pm: HALF-PRICE DRINKS

SATURDAY: ½ Off All food and Drinks Noon-Midnight Progressive Wells from 8-12 Starting at $1.50 $1 Rolling Rock Cans Starting at Midnight

SAT, 3/10

$2.50 U-CALL ITS 3PM-1AM 1/2 OFF ENTREES

½ Off All food and Drinks Noon-Midnight

$4 All Bombs $4 Shot AND a Beer (well shot & domestic bottle) $10 Pizza AND Beer (large 1 topping & domestic pitcher) $1 Off All Bottles (6PM - Close)

SUN, 3/11

FUNDAY SUNDAY $3 Wells, $5 Domestic Pitchers $7 Bell's/Blue Moon Pitchers 3pm-1am $5 Medium Pepperoni Pizza GROTTOHLIC Discount Day

$3 Bloody Marys $2 Domestic 22oz Drafts $2 House Shots

Open for special events only. Call to find out what counts!

Evening: $2 Well Drinks; $4 Double Wells

BURGERS AND BREWS $4 DELUXE Burger Basket (3-10) $1 PBR Pints (3pm-1am) $2 Domestic Bottles $3 Manager Choice Shots 9pm-1am GROTTOHLIC Discount Day

$2.50 22oz Budweiser and Bud Light $2 House Shots

$2 for 2 tacos 3-11pm $2.50 All BELL’S Beer $3.00 Long Island, Long Beach, Blue Island

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3.00 Premium Pints, $3.25 Super Premium Pints; ($2 well drinks, $4.00 double wells)? Service Industry- 1/2 Price on everything- Bring your pay stub!

60 Cent Hamm's Cans

“W” Club night (3PM - Close) Members Only, Ask About Joining! $3 Domestic Liters, $5 Specialty Liters & $5 Wings TEAM TRIVIA 8pm PK Passport Night: 1/2 Off Startup, $1 Off Bottles, $5 Wings

$3 Quarts Bilbo & Domestic $4 Premiums Qts. $4.25 Super Prem Qts. $3.75 Long Islands

$2.50 22oz Miller Lite $2.75 Wells, $2 House Shots $1 Tacos & Karaoke Bags Tournament w/ Ca$h Prize

Waldo's Vodka Night (6-Close) $3 Shots & Drinks $5 Martinis 1/2 Off Food for WMU and K College STAFF FREE POOL

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3 Premium Pts, $3.25 Super Prem Pts. $2.00 well drinks $4.00 double wells

(33% Off Any Regular Priced Food/Drink Item)

MON, 3/12

(33% Off Any Regular Priced Food/Drink Item)

TUES, 3/13

BOOZEDAY TUESDAY Happy Hour 3-7pm $3 ANYTHING 9pm-1am 50 CENT WINGS (9 Delicious Flavors)

WED, 3/14

@Black_Sheep_WMU All your friends are doing it

FRIDAY: Draft Night! $1 Domestic Pints $1.50 Leinie Pints $4.99 3 Shot Martinis Dance Club Open

FRIDAY Live Bands - DJ Mix $4 Big PBR Cans $4 John Dalys

1-2-3 Tuesdays $1 Wells 8-10pm, $2 Wells 10-12 $3 Wells 12-2 1/2 Off All Apps 7-11

SPECIAL NIGHT

Canadian Nights $3 Labatt and Molson $6.50 Medium Pizza

Monster Thursday $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas 18+ Allowed!

Ladies Night! $5 Martinis $3 U Call Its $6.75 Man-tinis (Open - 12)

THURS, 3/08

Draft Night! $1 Domestic Pints $1.50 Leinie Pints $4.99 3 Shot Martinis Dance Club Open

Live Bands - DJ Mix $4 Big PBR Cans $4 John Dalys

$1 Bud and Bud Lite Pints $3 You-Call-It $6.75 Mantini's (Open to 1)

FRI, 3/09

$2.50 Pints of Bud Light and Miller Lt. 12-8 $3 U Call Its 9-1am 1-Topping Large Pizza $7.99

Party Night! $3.50 Featured Domestic Bottles $4 Sex on the Beach

$.50 Rolling Rock Drafts $1.50 Well Drinks

SAT, 3/10

$12 Buckets of Beer Build Your Own Bloody Mary Bar $3.99 Build Your Own Burger

Closed

1/2 Off ALL Food and Drink with WMU ID card or SIN card

SUN, 3/11

$3.25 25oz Domestic Mugs $3.75 Premium and Specialty Mugs 35 cent Wings 50 cent Boneless Wings

Closed

$5 Man-Tini $5 1 Item Pizzas $3 Domestic Mugs

MON, 3/12

Service Industry Night! 1/2 Off! $6.50 Medium Pizza

Closed

1-2-3 Tuesdays $1 Wells 8-10pm, $2 Wells 10-12 $3 Wells 12-2 1/2 Off All Apps 7-11

TUES, 3/13

College Night at Wayside $0.50 drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ Stoz Dance Club Open!

Closed

$2 Drafts and Pints (Open - 12) $12 Martini Sampler

WED, 3/14

Get on the grid! ads@theblacksheeponline.com

The Bar Grid

the media stereotypes you meet

on spring break! the the chelsea handler ted mosby He’s been your best friend since Jeremy Daniel gave you simultaneous wedgies in the fifth grade. You dormed together freshman year, but when you rushed he decided to chat with his three-statesaway girlfriend over Skype. It wasn’t until his junior year that he discovered she was cheating on him. Though you rarely talk these days, you decided to invite him on spring break. Now you’re in club dancing with hawt womenz as he shoots you “please come end my boredom” daggers from across the room. You let your slam-dunk slam piece go and mosey his way. “Dude, there’s hundreds of sluts here for you to bone,” you mutter. “I don’t want to talk to any of them,” he downtroddenly claims. You give him a half dozen “How ‘bout her?” options, but it’s always, “Too fat,” “Too skinny,” “Weird freckle,” “Missing a leg.” You’re regretting that invite, as you hate him almost as much as he hates himself.

Before leaving for spring break she excitedly shows you a shirt she bought for the vacation. You frown as she unfurls it, so she feels the need to explain, “It says ‘The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’! Get it?! Plus, it’s white, which will be absolutely perfect for a wet t-shirt contest.” Yes, she’s an attention whore, but that doesn’t take away from her more normal whoreish qualities. As you roll into Panama City Beach, she demands the group stops at Wal-Mart before checking into the hotel because she wants to do a vodka shot minutes after the gang gets into the room. Over break she’ll claim to invent the “tan nap,” which is really just an excuse for her to pass out next to the pool. This is fine, she needs all the rest she can get, what with the stop-start self-esteem sex she has with a different, flaccid, barely-conscious dude in your bathroom each night.

the annie walker She sidles up next to you at the bar and within minutes you’re smitten. She’s cute and she’s sucking back shots faster than the bartender can pour them. The two of you trade adorably awkward glances because, hey, you’re both the shy type. Finally serendipity strikes when you both turn to each other and say, “Hi, I’m--,” bursting out in laughter an instant later. The glimmer in her eye and the stirring in your swim trunks both indicate things are going well until she says something goofy. Shit hits the fan. The conversation’s momentum dies and the glimmer in her eye turns into a glassy shell that does little more than hold in orbs that are just waiting to bulge out of her head. She’s stumbling over her words, stumbling to the bathroom and she tumbles to the ground just as she covers it in a thin puddle of puke. Feel free to give yourself a mental high-five, acting like an ass is what those low self-esteem hotties do.

It’s unlikely that you’ll meet a fictional character on spring break, unless you have some really, really good ‘shrooms. Still, you’ll certainly meet someone that’ll remind you of that one guy you saw in a movie that one time. Like these folks! By: Brendan

the van wilder You’ll spot the Van Wilder from a few dozen yards away. His hot, oiled body glistening in the sun, his perfectlycoiffed hair reaching for the sky as though even his keratin is surrendering to his sparkling blue eyes just a few inches south. Guy or girl, your knees quiver in anticipation as you pray he talks to you. He asks, “Hey, need a beer?” as you rush to tumble a sloppy “Yes!” out of your mouth. He murmurs, “Alright man, give me twenty bucks and I’ll be back with a case in a few.” What? You begin to catch on. Those flip-flops look like they cost several hundred dollars, and his board shorts look to be a brand you can barely pronounce. This guy’s gotta be north of thirty. What kind of grown-up douchebag still celebrates spring break?

the taco macarthur the Leslie Knope You open your eyes, roll over and look at the bedside clock. It’s 10:15 a.m. Four hours of sleep? Jesus. You will yourself out of bed because there’s only two days of break left and much tanning left to do. You angrily stumble into the bathroom only to realize she did it again. Taped to your mirror is the day’s itinerary: 10:30 a.m. mani-pedi followed by a 11:15a.m.-1:30p.m. spa session? Doesn’t she know that you just want to eat a stale bagel from the continental breakfast, slam a beer and hit the beach? She’s everything you love in a person: Organized, driven, adventurous and loyal, but she can’t get the notion that you just want to sit around drinking beer on the beach through her very pretty skull. You hear her rustling around in the living room, so you decide to hide in the closet until it’s 10:35. You’d chip your manicure cracking open beers anyway.

You’re barely out of the state before you have to scream at him for casually lighting up a spliff in your back seat without asking. He barely utters a word during the entire 18-hour journey, tossing in a “Yeah, cool, whatever.” when you periodically ask him if he’s still alive. You exit your condo’s bathroom only to discover a text message claiming he’s gone down to the beach to smoke an apple bong with some girl he met in the elevator. Every night you stumble home from the club frustrated that you’re still not getting laid, and every night you walk into the room and he’s there with a half dozen girls he met on the beach. The rational part of you wants to hate him for succeeding with minimal effort when you fail while trying so very, very hard. Your penis loves him though, because hey, tits.

the music page the black sheep interviews:

Good Old War

Usually wars divide, but Philly indie group Good Old War actually spawned from another band’s split. With new album Come Back as Rain due out March 6th the band is embarking on a nationwide tour to support the release. We sat down with drummer Tim Arnold to talk about music, touring and sandwiches. The Black Sheep: In a couple weeks your new album Come Back as Rain drops. Can you talk about how you guys go about creating an album? Tim Arnold: Usually Keith and Dan bring some ideas to the table, we’ll listen to them and we’ll decide what we’re going to do. I’ll lay down a drum beat, we’ll get some harmonies and we’ll have a song. For Come Back as Rain I wrote a little more, and we broke each stage of the music down together. We wanted to really get our mitts on everything. TBS: You mentioned you participated more on the writing of this album. Was that a personal decision? Were you asked to write more? Tim: It was a natural thing. There was no pressure, Keith and I would get together and I would have ideas for parts. TBS: With three different people giving artistic input how do you make sure a tune stays within the larger theme your music has? Tim: Well, here’s an example: There were a couple of songs on this new album that started out as electronic beats with a good melody. They were a little dark, but after everyone in the band goes through them and does their thing, the end result is a Good Old War song.

cd review

out now

fun. some nights The latest from former Format front man is inevitably very fun.

For those who are completely out of the loop, fun. is the byproduct of Nate Ruess’ genius. Having been the lead singer for The Format, a band who exemplifies the sound of indie pop in the early 2000s (surely you remember it all— Relient K, Jack’s Mannequin, Death Cab, etc.), but they unfortunately broke up in 2008 after releasing two great albums. Lucky for us, Ruess got the hell out of Arizona and into New York City, forming his now successful group fun. with Andrew Dost of Anathallo and Jack Antonoff of Steel Train. And my, how they have blown up! Gaining attention after having one of their songs featured in a Chevy commercial that originally aired during this year’s Super Bowl, their sophomore release Some Nights might finally catapult them into mainstream success. The thing about fun. is that you’ve got to appreciate and possibly learn to love Ruess’ theatrical voice and sound— so, understandably not for everybody. Having been compared to voices like Freddie Mercury, fun.’s sound is amusingly similar to a circus; it’s over the top, loud, entertaining, and upbeat even when the lyrics are not. The album starts off inspired and leads into the aforementioned Super Bowl-featured tune, “We Are Young.” Though the song is good with the inevitably catchy, chanting chorus that’ll make anyone stop and listen, it’s by far not the only track worth noting. The album continues on with surprising auto-tune (“Stars,” a great song… but seriously with auto-tune), brief moments of strange

GRADE B+

electronic (“It Gets Better”) and gospel like intensity (at least a few moments in almost every song). Though there is a similarity in all of the songs, each track has its own unique sound that leaves the album interesting rather than predictable. Though fun. is different than The Format, their sounds are not entirely too far off due to Ruess’s unique voice and once in awhile the former bands’ sounds can’t help but come out. “All Alright” is definitely reminiscent of his former band—deep, passionate sounds that Format fans love and remember, and of course the depressing lyrics that no one wants to admit being able to relate to, but true nonetheless. Fun. overall is much, much more upbeat than The Format and it’s wonderful to see Ruess’ second project not fall flat on his face like it could have. So, the sophomore curse? Please – Ruess’ sophomore release with his sophomore band is just as good as ever. It’s amazing to see a talented artist have produced great music with his former band, change as people naturally do and follow his heart in a new direction, and continue to produce new, quality music. Well done, Ruess; we look forward to continue growing up with you. Sounds Like: A mainstream circus. Download: All Alright, Why Am I The One, We Are Young Listen to it When: Your spring break road trip, of course.

TBS: When you’re writing for an album where do you get your subject matter? Tim: For the most part it’s just persona experiences and writing what you know. Sometime we’ll have a little fun and make up some stories, but mostly it’s family, girls, stuff like that. TBS: You’re from Philadelphia and Come Back as Rain was recorded in Omaha, Nebraska. Why? Tim: We want to be a place with no distractions. If we recorded in Philly there’d be wives and babies and friends to take care of. TBS: You guys are gearing up for a two-month long tour. What kind of preparation goes into making sure you’re mentally and physically sound for it? Tim: I feel like it’s mostly rehearsing. By the end of the tour you’re tight from playing all the time, but at the beginning it can be dodgy. There’s not a whole lot of physical preparation or anything, I feel pretty natural on the road. TBS: You guys have played really huge shows like Coachella and tiny shows; do you prefer one or the other? Tim: I just prefer people there singing along. If there’s a few people singing in a small venue, it’s way better than a huge venue where no one gives a shit. Coachella was amazing, though we played at 11:30a.m. TBS: Is 11:30a.m. the earliest show you’ve ever played? Tim: No, we’ve played really early morning shows. TBS: TV gigs like Good Morning Philadelphia? Tim: Yeah, exactly. When we played that, we were on at like, 7a.m. It was horrible. TBS: For anyone who hasn’t seen a live show of Good Old War before, how would you describe one to them? Tim: I feel like it’s a campfire with friends where you play songs together and sing along like friends. TBS: If your music was most analogous to a movie, what would it be? Tim: Badlands TBS: Describe to me your perfect sandwich. Tim: A bed of lettuce, mustard, turkey, pepper jack cheese on some toasted rye bread. TBS: What are you drinking? Tim: Budweiser and Jack Daniels.

UPCOMING RELEASES Bruce Springsteen - Wrecking Ball Todd Snider - Agnostic Hymns & Stoner Fables

Andrew Bird - Break it Yourself

Fireflight - Now

Magnetic Fields - Love at the Bottom of the Sea Kaiser Cheifs - Start the Revolution Without Me

Good Old War - Come Back as Rain White Rabbits - Milk Famous

Bartender

of the

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Issue Alias: “Lex” Age: 23 Status: Student at Kalamazoo Valley Major: Communications Drink Recipe: The Library’s signature “Backdraft”: Vodka, rum, Triple Sec, Captain, peach schnapps, banana, cranberry sour, Sprite and grenadine (made with love.)

ke Alexis Deniy the librar

Shot Recipe: “French Toast”: Goldschlager, Bailey’s and butter schnapps. It’s my favorite to take, too. I-Dare-You: Warm well gin Favorite Drink: Ferrero Rocher martini

Funniest Thing Seen on the Job: We watch when people on the dance floor get drunk and start making out. It’s probably the most embarrassing thing for them. Theme Song: “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. Because who doesn’t love Queen? If You Could Hang Out With Any Celebrity, Who Would You Choose?: Channing Tatum, he’s a turbo hottie! Pick Up Line: Oh, God, I’m so bad at pickup lines. I’m super awkward! Turn-Offs: People that think they’re better than everyone else. Turn-Ons: Nice smile and a good sense of humor.

Spring Break

2012

JOIN US FOR

HAPPY HOUR ALL DAY, ALL WEEK!

Enjoy these great Happy hour specials!

$2 Domestic Pints, $3 Micro Pints, $2.50 Wells, $3 Fireball Shots

Meet The Staff! campus manager Dana Borzea

Contributing Writers Vanessa Legutko Kelly Weatherwax Kyle Duberville Hannah Weyer Katie Batt Michael Oszust Mitch Barnett Andrea Walker Cody Kimball Lulu Kourdie Samuel Howard Distribution Manager Chase Olender

Advertising ManagerS Nate Boyer John Williamson pr team You? campus director Brendan Bonham Founders Atish Doshi Brendan Bonham

Questions?

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test your knowledge

Yoga Position or Sex Position?

Are you a dog just looking for a quick bone no matter the cost, or are you a yoga guru who’ll bend over backwards for a glimpse of physical and mental enlightenment? Maybe you’re a bendy bang baron who wants the best of both worlds. Without having to pick someone up at the bar, being able to identify which of the titles below are sex positions and which are yoga positions is the best way to find out where you fall on the stretchy sex spectrum.By: Brendan

1. Basset Hound 2. Half Moon 3. Bound Angle 4. Brute 5. Foot Behind Head 6. Cow Face 7. Bent Spoon 8. Full Boat 9. Royal Pigeon 10. Final Furlong answer key: 1. Sex 2. Yoga 3. Yoga 4. Sex 5. Yoga 6. Yoga 7. Sex 8. Yoga 9. Yoga 10. Sex

11. Yoga 12. Sex 13. Sex 14. Yoga 15. Yoga 16. Yoga 17. Sex 18. Sex 19. Yoga 20. Sex

11. Corpse Pose 12. Golden Gate 13. Viennese Oyster 14. Upside-Down Tortoise 15. Corn Tree 16. Downward Facing Dog 17. Suspended Congress 18. Amazon Reverse 19. Four-Limbed Staff 20. See-Saw

results 0-6 Correct: Stiff and Sexless You’d bend over backward for some sweet sack time, but your joints don’t quite move that way. The one time you got laid last Halloween you pulled a hammy a minute into missionary, but it was still the highlight of your year.

7-13 Correct: Bendy but Boring You touch your toes during warmups, but even then you find it an improper display of your sexuality. You’d loosen up a little more— both physically and mentally—but you’re pretty sure there’s some passage in the Bible that says you shouldn’t.

14-20 Correct: The Flexible Fornicator “Freaky” doesn’t begin to describe the ways you loosen up or go down. Your life motto would be, “A leg behind the head means a freak in the bed,” you know, if people actually said that.

the crossword: beers

3 6

Down answers >> may A red can and an iron eagle make you think this is a commie beer. It's Mexican, actually. 2 A weird animal hybrid's dome. (2 Words) 3 We're unsure of who was judging this competition. (3 Words) 5 Zero NFL coaches drink this shit, but they'll sell it. (2 Words) 8 Tyra Banks, in Spanish. (2 Words) 9 Texas has steers, queers and this brew. (2 Words) 10 The bottle doesn't remind one of this tall, Western mountain range. (2 Words) 1

N E I C O 7 G O R S L I R H I G H T

S E

L D S T

E I

P 6 E F A T T I R E B 8 O S E I S L A N D T E B G L R 10 11 S U C O R O N A H L I F E M 13 E R M O L S O N R I D R B E R A B L 15 N O S O L Y L E N V A B A T T B L U E D C H A T

14) St. Louis isn’t worthless after all. 15) If you worship a Mexican sun god, you’ll lose yours. 16) Come for the ivy, black out with this brew. (2 words) 17) A Canadian beer the color of a singular sad music genre. (2 words) 18) It doesn’t matter how special it is, take it off for the national anthem. (2 words)

M A G I

across: 4) The big brother of the blue bullet that comes in a case of 30. (2 words) 5) A bike wheel that’s like your girlfriend’s ass. (2 words) 7) How could such a delightful beer by named for such a crappy bird? (2 words) 11) A crown of shit is still a crown. Served with lime. 12) Champagne, in 12-ounce can form. (3 words) 13) The seed of Hans, from The Simpsons. 18

ross e big brother of the blue llet that comes in a case of . (2 Words) bike wheel that's like your rlfriend's ass. (2 Words) ow could such a delightful er be named for such a appy bird? (2 Words) crown of shit is still a crown. rve with lime. hampagne, in 12-ouce can rm. (3 Words) e seed of Hans, from The mpsons . Louis isn't worthless after . you worship a Mexican sun d, you'll lose yours. ome for the ivy, black out th this brew. (2 Words) Canadian beer the color of a ngular sad music genre. (2 ords) doesn't matter how special s, take it off for the national them. (2 Words)

the clues

Down 1 A red can and an iron eagle may make you think this is a commie beer. It's Mexican, actually. 2 A weird animal hybrid's dome. (2 Words) 3 We're unsure of who was judging this competition. (3 Words) 5 Zero NFL coaches drink this shit, but they'll sell it. (2 Words) 8 Tyra Banks, in Spanish. (2 Words) 9 Texas has steers, queers and this brew. (2 Words) 10 The bottle doesn't remind one of this tall, Western mountain range. (2 Words)

Across 4 The big brother of the blue bullet that comes in a case of 30. (2 Words) 6 A bike wheel that's like your girlfriend's ass. (2 Words) 7 How could such a delightful beer be named for such a crappy bird? (2 Words) 11 A crown of shit is still a crown. Serve with lime. 12 Champagne, in 12-ouce can form. (3 Words) 13 The seed of Hans, from The Simpsons 14 St. Louis isn't worthless after all. 15 If you worship a Mexican sun god, you'll lose yours. 16 Come for the ivy, black out with this brew. (2 Words) 17 A Canadian beer the color of a singular sad music genre. (2 Words) 18 It doesn't matter how special it is, take it off for the national anthem. (2 Words)

DOWN: 1) A red can an iron eagle may make you think this is a commie beer. It’s Mexican, actually. 2) A weird animal hybrid’s dome. (2 words) 3) We’re unsure of who was judging this competition. (3 words) 5) Zero NFL coaches drink this shit, but they’ll sell it. (2 words) 8) Tyra Banks, in Spanish. (2 words) 9) Texas has steers, queers and this brew. (2 words) 10) The bottle doesn’t remind one of this tall, Western mountain range. (2 words)

class tim e

T D 4 K E Y S T O C G A F T I E S 9 S H H H 12 M I L L E N A E D R 14 B U D W O 16 C O K

class tim e