The Black Sheep
fr e Fr e... ee un h lik re e po th rt e .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 1 • 3/14/13 - 3/20/13
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheep_PSU
Police to Cancel St. Patrick’s Day following State Patty’s Massacre David Porter Callanan wrote this State College police announced on Wednesday that they will be canceling the nationwide holiday known as Saint Patrick's Day after 138 students were killed on State Patty's Day, simply from drinking alcohol. The 138 State Patty's day casualties were an improvement from last year’s death toll of 225. This was likely due to a heavier presence of police and stricter policies enforced by officers on patrol. Many believe that the letter sent to Penn State students prior to State Patty’s day deterred students from drinking heavily and in turn saved over 100 lives. In the letter, police referred to State Patty’s as “9/11 part 2” and threatened to fine students for listening to Nicki Minaj on the day of the event. The local police will now take similar measures to make sure no one even thinks about having fun on Saturday, March 16th. "Any student wearing green or caught looking like they’re thinking about drinking a beer will be arrested on spot," said State College Police Chief Paul Blart. "Students with any trace of Irish heritage are advised to not leave their houses the entire day, as they simply cannot be trusted." The most hazardous form of alcohol according to Blart is the dreaded “Irish car bomb.” A car bomb contains a pint of Guinness, a shot of Jamison Irish Whiskey, and a shot of Bailey’s Irish Cream, and according to some “it kinda tastes like chocolate milk, bro.” The car-bomb alone took over 90 lives and injured upwards of 300 on State Patty’s Day. Blart cited early-20th century American prohibition and its effectiveness before announcing similar plans for Saint Patrick’s Day. Any place distributing alcohol will also be closed on March 17, including local bars, liquor stores, and any department store that houses alcohol-based sanitizers. Local State College businesses will once again be given a stipend for not operating during their usual hours. Police Chief Blart, mumbling and coughing, said the money would come from “somewhere unimportant like student’s tuition dollars or something like that.” He added that students have yet to figure out how to preemptively stockpile alcohol in their apartments and homes, which “pretty much guarantees” everyone will stay sober. “If we close down all the bars, students of legal drinking age will be forced into their homes unsupervised,” said Blart. “This is the only way we can not only assure that kids will stay sober, but also ensure my police force doesn’t have to put forth any more than the bare-minimal effort we do otherwise.” Some students have questioned Blart’s logic, but have remained quiet on the issue because of the local police’s tyrannical rule over the area. Blart has noted that “Yeah, we’re keeping an eye on the ‘social medias’,” which has led students to fear for their general well being. “Kids are just going to buy all the alcohol beforehand and be even more rowdy than before,” said Brad James (junior, common sense). “Also, please don’t use my name, I want to live.”
Troops Liberate Pollack Testing Death Center
In the meantime, the local police have released a list of sober activities to help beautify State College on Saint Patrick’s Day and make it a safer place to live. The list includes the following: - Watering local gardens with your urine - Beat up the homeless guy that lives downtown - Pretend like it’s THON weekend again - Help out your neighbors by testing their car alarms - Paint homes without permission In addition to the heavy police presence and closure of local alcohol distributors, the Penn State Interfraternity Council (IFC), not to be confused with the Independent Film Channel, also announced they will comply with police orders by not allowing students to host parties on Saint Patrick’s Day. This marks the third time this year that the IFC has implemented a self-imposed ban, leading some to believe they have “gone soft.” “This is like if the Republican Party stopped caring about the Second Amendment,” said Mark Weathers (sophomore, GDI). “If they don’t stand up for our right to party who will?”
what'’s inside
Three Painfully obvious signs You’ve Been Friend Zoned
Everyone’s least favorite place on campus nearly claims innocent lives once again.
The only time that the phrase “I love you” actually makes you want to die.
page 4
page 9
The Mike's Hard Taste Test We tried ten different flavors and hardly even got a buzz.
pages 12-13
contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 4: Terrible Tattoos in College
page 6
The best time of your life shouldn’t mean the worst decision of your life.
page 5: from the streets
What's your worst walk of shame story?
page 6: Sincerely Samii
Relationship advice from our totally sane dating expert who knows nothing about relationships.
page 6: The Hitchhiker's Guide to PSU Bathrooms
Table of
Navigating the mystery that is public bathrooms.
page 7: Top 10: People You Should Never Be at Party
The first person who thought putting a lampshade on your head was a good idea… why!?
page 11: Bartender of the week Don't doubt Alyse from Phyrst, who has perpetual glitter in her hair.
page 11
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word of the week Anti-elope:
A contrarian stance taken by college males, denying their desire to ever marry. “Dude, I’m so anti-elope, I ain’t ever marrying no chick.”
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Troops Liberate
Pollock Testing Death Center Ben Morse wrote this STATE COLLEGE – American troops infiltrated the Pollock Testing Center this morning to find hundreds of Penn State students dangerously close to death, seemingly from the regimented, claustrophobic nature of the testing center. Soldiers penetrated the front entrance and used RPG rocket launchers to destroy the massive titanium alloy doors that guard the testing area. Troops rushed in to discover clusters of distressed students, clearly affected by the smothering security decrees and stressful environment of the center. Lieutenant John Griffin was the first man to enter: “It was shocking, to see so many downtrodden, disheartened people having their very existence being reduced to mere numbers. One girl was completely lifeless at her computer, apparently in a coma or dead. I even saw one young man sitting in his own filth because they wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom. There were velvet ropes, signs with rules on them everywhere, and ID scanners for the students. Dozens of cameras being monitored by adults behind the counter, some of whom the students actually had to interact with.” Amazingly, the horrors did not end there. “Apparently students were forced to walk through turnstiles, were assigned computers, and had to turn off their cell phones and take their headphones out. Some even had to scan a barcode before exiting the center, like inanimate objects. We ran into that computer room, and there were rows and rows of computers, stretching out for miles, as far as the eye could see. I don’t know how anyone could take a test in there.” Fortunately there are many survivors. “When I walked into that room I thought, ‘Well, this is it. This is where I’m going to die,’” said Aaron Hewitt, a junior business major. “But thank God these troops came to save us. Not everyone was so lucky though. I saw one kid forget to put in his ID slip on top of his assigned computer, and two huge men in suits came and dragged him away screaming. No one ever saw him again.” Experts agree that the strictly regulated nature of the testing center mixed with occasional interactions with adults proved too much for college students. “These kids haven’t had to deal with rules in a classroom setting since high school. They’ve been doing whatever they want for months at least, that’s why college is the best.” says Dr. Martha Cushing, neuroscientist at Harvard University. “They might call their parents once every three weeks, but other than that they never
terrible Tattoos in College Alexander Long wrote this
speak with grown-ups, so mix all that together and you’re talking about intellectual abuse. Velvet ropes? Barcodes? Blue bags to place personal belongings? These kids can’t handle such oppression. Ask them to turn off their cell phones and you’re basically sentencing them to death. Plus, in most cases the students don’t even get their grades immediately after finishing the test, which is an affront to zealously monitored testing centers everywhere.” University representative Hans Grünewald contends otherwise. “The center is necessary to accommodate the massive student body here at Penn State University. We are by no means trying to create an atmosphere that is high strung, anxiety-inducing, and completely incongruent with the college experience.” Many students hope that the PSU administration will acknowledge how excessive the security measures are in the center. “I mean, I get that there’s big classes here that are difficult to hand out tests in,” says Hewitt, “But isn’t that what the TA’s are for? And I really don’t think cheating is very common at Penn State. At least not enough to warrant the ridiculous actions taken by the center. You can’t walk four feet in there without some guy standing in the aisle grilling you or having a surveillance camera shoved up your ass.” Hewitt hopes that the raid will lead to some fundamental changes in the center. “I’d like to see them change the name to something more friendly, maybe the Pollock Volks Testing Center For the People.”
And there you saw her across the bar; she was in a delightful dark blue dress beckoning for you to come accompany her on the dance floor. Of course you’re not one to keep such a fine specimen waiting, so you strut towards her with a smile on your face the size of Manhattan. Not a word is spoken as she lets you put your hands on her waist; you face her from behind and can smell the sweet scent of lavender in her long, wavy hair. It seems that euphoria is within arm’s reach, until your eyes wander to her left shoulder blade, and there you see it… a tattoo with the words “No Regrets” imprinted permanently on her fair skin. As you ask her about this, she mutters something about “loving who she was” and “seeing all her mistakes as life lessons.” It’s at this point when you realize this girl is one of thousands who gets a tattoo in college because it seems like “a fun thing to do.” If you had a shred of dignity left, you would have tried to explain the importance of tattoos throughout human history. You would have mentioned that tattoos have always possessed an important role in ritual and tradition, among many different people all across the globe. But if these words had been spoken, she would have laughed, and walked diligently in the other direction. Why? Because getting a tattoo is no longer about frivolous things like “deeper, holistic meaning” and “sacred belief,” it is about achieving an individual social status you know nothing about; making it hard to decipher the difference between “People who make mistakes” and “people who make mistakes on purpose.”
Let us consider some of our favorite quotes tattooed on girls in college; “Live, Laugh, Love” and “No Regrets.” These tattoos are then used as an excuse to make dumb mistakes and then explain wholeheartedly “I’m just trying to have fun,” and “I love myself.” Or you could take after the buxom, saucy sex symbol of the 50’s: Marilyn Monroe. Miss Monroe had at least a couple classic lines, “A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left”… And is found 2 hours later, drunkenly bouncing around College Avenue in heels and crying about her ex-boyfriend. It’s okay we don’t blame you, we just don’t agree with your actions. What are you trying to say with a tattoo like this? Are you proving your strength against adversity? Maybe trying to prove your individuality? Without realizing that the “generic tattoo” is in fact generic, and everyone has some deviation of the same general concept imprinted on them; the concept of trying to be “hip” and “cool.” Making a solid decision for a tattoo on your body takes time, a little bit of booze, and a lot of heart. If someone loves something enough, they should strive to remember what that is when it comes to tattoos. But real love, not like how you love your new dress, wine coolers, or the Celtic symbol for “woman.” Now think about how the girl with “No regrets” tattooed on her right shoulder blade looks in the bright morning sunlight, skimpy blue dress glistening with regret, as she takes the guiltridden walk of shame back to her dorm room.
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What's your worst walk of shame story? "Without getting stopped by the police, I managed to walk home across College Avenue at four in the morning, wrapped up like a burrito in my friend’s down comforter.” - Kelsey, Freshman
“It was snowing, we put our boyfriends’ running sneakers on and sprinted home, bottles-in-hand, trying to keep the gin-vomit down.” - Kelly, Junior
"Got my pants caught on a fence, ripping the back completely off. I brought new meaning to the phrase, ‘assless chaps’.” - Alex, Sophomore
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
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Sincerely Samii: Part I
samii wrote this
Sincerely Samii: Part I Dear Samii, I’m a junior in college and recently I started dating this chick that’s a few years older than me. She’s great, but all of her friends are getting married and she too has started hinting towards wanting a ring. I like her a lot, hell I might even love her, but I’m nowhere near marriage. How do I explain that to her in a way that won’t make her cut and run for greener (or more sparkly, princess cut) pastures? From, Not-Afraid-Of-Commitment-Just-Not-There-Yet-Guy Dear Quit-Fooling-Yourself-You-Emotional-Cripple, That’s exactly the type of attitude that leaves emotional scars on the hearts of thousands of women every day. This kind of behavior has become a national epidemic, but you don’t see infomercials about us on TV begging for your daily coffee money. You knew what you were getting into dating an almost-cougar, so why the sudden shock? The fact that you know what a “princess cut” is lends itself to the assumption that you’ve at least Binged (this post is sponsored by Bing) a word or two about it, which means it’s time to shit or get off the pot. You’re at the age where the pieces of your future are starting to fall together, and you’ve been lucky enough to find yourself someone who has already navigated her way through the beginnings of adulthood, and has already provided you the foundation for yours. She has a job with a salary, for Christ’s sake. Additionally, she can provide a way for you to avoid the embarrassment of moving back into your mother’s basement. She’s like your Richard Gere in Pretty Women and you’re that whore, Julia Roberts. You’re an idiot if you don’t see the value in this win-win
situation: she gets the wedding she’s been daydreaming about since she was chasing boys around the playground in preschool, and you get to hang out with a cool chick while you build your credit score and unload the burden from those student loans you racked up. And hey, if it doesn’t work out, they run specials on annulments down at the courthouse! Sincerely, Samii Dear Samii, I've been dating this kid for about two months now, and so far it’s been pretty awesome. We’ve known each other since high school, but crossing into romantic territory has proven to be even better than I could have hoped for. We get along great, have the same sense of humor, and I can talk to him about anything; not to mention an incredible sexual chemistry. Seems perfect, but there’s one MAJOR issue: I’m still in love with my on-again-off-again boyfriend from last year. Every time he hits me up to “hang out,” I always give in and end up sleeping with him. I feel terrible because I really like this new guy, but I can’t seem to remove my ex from my life. Please help me before I end up as a guest on Maury to determine the paternity of the child produced from this terrible love triangle. Sincerely, Emotional-Ping-Pong-Ball Dear Brave Emotional Solider, First and foremost, you need to establish where you and this new kid stand in terms of monogamy. If the relationship status isn’t Facebook official, then there’s no reason why he should assume he’s your only lover. If you still feel bad about it, maybe try spreading that guilt around like the disease you contracted over spring break by
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to PSU Bathrooms Devin Cox wrote this
encouraging him to hook up with other people as well. You should continue to date both of them until one gets upset, and then ditch the crybaby for the dude who lets you do you (and other guys). If that doesn’t work try this on for size: tell both of them that you’re pregnant and you don’t know which one is the father. Propose that you’re thinking about “dealing with it” to both of them. If one says he’ll stay with you forever no matter whose baby it is – like ew, what a creep. Stay away form him forever. Whichever one says that you should keep the child clearly does not care about your right as a woman to choose. Stay with the one that says you should deal with it, he clearly respects you and is all about having a good time. Also you don’t have to explain where the non-existent baby went if you choose him, and isn’t that a load off your back, and belly. Sincerely, Samii
Let us set the scene: it’s noon on a Wednesday, which means the downstairs area of the HUB is crawling with students trying to get a quick bite before the next block of classes they have to drone through. As you calmly collect your thoughts in order to move to a quieter space, it happens. Your gut rumbles, your brow sweats, and the slow burn from the Panda Express you just ate is making an express trip to your trap-door. The clock is ticking, my friend; you only have a few moments to decide whether you’ll bunker down in the warzone that is the downstairs HUB bathroom, or trudge through the pain and reach another building in hopes of a quieter shit-shack. The Black Sheep feels your pain. With a routinely balanced diet of coffee and cigarettes, we’re no stranger to the necessity of keeping a toilet within diarrhea-hobbling distance at all times. So, to help those of you students suffering from Pee-Shy-Syndrome, or the more serious, BowelBlunderbuss, here are a few pointers for finding that perfect little corner of the world to paint brown before class: - You’ll never find sanctuary on the first floor of any building. These bathrooms are the most frequently used—and therefore, the most frequently trashed. Our advice, take an elevator ride up to the top floor of the tallest building you can see. The only people that use those penthouse toilets are constipated professors and the janitor, so you won’t be bothered. - Graffiti on the walls of a bathroom stall is like tattoos on a woman, the closer the ink is to where you relieve yourself, the trashier. Find a stall with a relatively low amount of 5-5-5-phone numbers, veiny penis drawings, and swastikas; these are indicators that this toilet is a slut.
- One of the more traumatic experiences an avid bathroom adventurer may run into is the addition of a “Space Invader,” which is a person that chooses the stall next to yours to do their business. Don’t panic, just remain calm until the vagrant leaves. More experienced bathroom goers may take the preventative measure of making weird sounds as soon as they hear someone enter their realm. Nothing clenches a butthole like the sound of another man battling it out on a nearby toilet. - Be wary of bathrooms located in the “Red Zone.” You would be better off shitting into a loaded bazooka than resting your bottom on a toilet located in any part of the Paterno Library. If the toilets in the Red Zone could think, they’d have more flashbacks than a legless Vietnam vet. - Repetition yields results. If you find a good porcelain-throne that tickles your fancy, go back to it. If the toilet paper supply seems to never change, that means it’s cleaned every day. But if the same three pubes are still dangling off the corner of the bowl, we recommend bringing a Lysol wipe to give the ol’ girl a wipe-down once in a while. - We advise against using single-person restrooms (i. e. the bathroom in the Maps Library at the bottom floor of Pattee). Although you may find comfort in the temporary privacy this bathroom provides, your foul-smelling world will come crashing down at the sound of someone knocking at the door. You’ll be forced to choke out the words “…be out in a sec, man” as you pray to god the toilet doesn’t clog and contemplate how long is an appropriate time to pretend that you’re washing your hands. So there you have it, friend. There are miles of tiled bathroom floor yet to be explored, the only limitation being how far you can walk with a tank full of last night’s Chipotle.
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The
Top 10
People You Should Never be at a Party
Well-rounded college students apply themselves in and outside of the classroom, get involved in their community, but most importantly, go out and get blasted on the weekends. Drinking until your liver pickles and your eyes turn yellow is one thing, but do us a favor and don’t make a fool near us at a party. Here at The Black Sheep, we’ve devised a list of the ten people you should never be at a party; this way you can continue to climb that social ladder and not be the subject of a lame story the day after. 10.) The Miller-Filler: All you wanted was to refill your cracked plastic cup with the warm piss that rusty keg is squirting out, but instead of a quick trip to the tap, you’ve found yourself holding the nozzle for every outreached hand like a watering hole in Rwanda. Stop. The fifteen versions of “Dude thanks, you’re the man!” all actually mean “You’re a pussy.” Put down the tap and redeem your alpha-status by smacking the beer out of someone’s hand as you walk away. 9.) The Coat-Rack: This guy isn’t your grandpa, so when he says he’s just “resting his eyes” on the couch in the middle of a party, he actually means he’s going to be puking on the floor any second now. The only function this guy serves is being the placemat for everyone to throw their coats on. 8.) The Guy Standing Too Close to the Speakers: Hope you don’t have a lecture class tomorrow, because listening to “Party Rock” at 150 decibels will give you a ruptured eardrum and diarrhea (simultaneously). No matter how loud you yell “What’s your major?!”, no one will hear your faint little voice over the 18-inch sub DJ Cookie MonStar brought to the frat. 7.) The Girl That Dances Like No One is Watching: Places where dancing like a slut is cool: Anywhere there is a bunch of other girls dancing like sluts. Places where dancing like a skank isn’t cool: Anywhere you’re the only one dancing like a skank. If you’re in a crowded apartment and no one is dancing, don’t feel that it’s your civic duty to find the nearest coffee table and show everyone how good of a stripper you could have been. 6.) The Pong-Nazi: If Adolf Hitler threw keggers back in Nazi-occupied France, this guy would have been in charge of the Third Reicht’s drinking games. It’s pretty easy to spot this guy at a party, he’s the one yelling “Dude, elbows!” or “Bring em’ back, bro!” The objective of games like beer-pong is to get shit-housed with some people you don’t know, not to prove how many rules you know. 5.) The Cigarette Dispenser: Be careful, the crisp sound of a wrapper being torn off a new pack of cigarettes can be heard even by the guy standing too close to the speakers. The only thing that will attract more attention than that whore dancing on the coffee table is the guy giving out cigs to his friends. You have been warned, my friend. 4.) Sloppy-Joe: What’s that smell? There’s always that one fat guy at the party that can never keep his goddamn shirt dry. His goal for tonight’s festivities is to drip beer all over his breasts and crush cans on his predominant brow. His ability to repel women with the stench of his arm pits is only trumped by the smell of barf on his breath. If you can’t recognize his fragrance, he’ll be the one shouting “who wants to shotgun, yo?” 3.) High-Heeled Helen Keller: If you’re planning on drinking to the point you can’t even walk, don’t accelerate the process by wearing high heels. For some reason, falling while wearing high heels causes more bodily harm for a girl than falling from a tree onto a shopping cart. No one likes the girl that has to grab onto everyone’s arms as she stumbles by, so stick to the flats tonight, ladies. 2.) Red Carpet Rider: Want a cool way to have everyone at a party immediately hate you? Come in like you own the place. At the typical college party, 95% of the occupants are judging your every move, the other 5% just hate you for no reason, so try to make the first ten seconds of your first impression something people will forget about hating. 1.) The Only Hot Girl’s Boyfriend: Not only is everyone trying to get in her pants, but everyone automatically hates you for existing. Get ready for an argument tonight as your girlfriend tries to tell you all these numbers she got are from guys that just want to “Chill and get coffee sometime…”
Devin cox wrote this
The Bar Grid Happy Hour Every Night 10PM-Midnight!
Every Night! 10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
SUNDAY - THURSDAY $3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $2 ABC's, $3 Grey Goose $1.50 Bud Lite Drafts (All Day)
Pop Culture Party (9PM-2AM), $2.50 Bud light drafts/ $7.50 pitchers (All Day) Happies 10PM - midnight: Half price all Liquor and Mixed Drinks ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies)
DJ Cashous! Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)
Rock & Roll All Night (9PM-2AM), $3 Blue Moon drafts/ $9 pitchers Happies 10 PM - midnight (except home games): $2.50 moonshiners, $3.50 flavored vodka and Bacardi Oakheart ($2 extra for Red Bull during happies)
DJ Manik Mike (State College's only video DJ) Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 5PM-7PM, 10PM-12AM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)
Free For All Music Fest + DJ (9PM-2AM), Blue Moon $3 draft/$9 pitchers (all day) Happies 10 PM midnight (except home games): $2.50 moonshiners, $3.50 flavored vodka and Bacardi Oakheart ($2 extra for Red Bull during happies)
DJ Kid AV and special guests! Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-12AM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Full menu + Brunch 11am - 2pm
Nascar & Maxin' Relaxin (9PM-2AM), Bud light $2.50 drafts /$7.50 pitchers (all day) Happies: 10PM-midnight: Half off all liquor ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies), $2 Miller light drafts/ $6 Pitchers, $1.75 Coors Light bottles
10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
MON. 3/18
Check out our award-winning wine list! Voted best wine list by State College Mag!
Modern Music! Molson Canadian $2.50 Drafts, $7.50 pitchers (All Day) $2 Miller Light drafts/ $6 Pitchers, $1.75 Coors Light bottles Happies 10PM-midnight: Half off all liquor and mixed drinks ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies)
10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
TUES. 3/19
5 Consecutive Awards from Wine Spectator - Come Try Some Tonight!
Country Crossover (9PM-2AM), Budweiser $2.50 drafts / $7.50 pitchers (all day) Happies 10PM - midnight: $2.75 Jack Daniels drinks, $2.50 Lynchburg Lemonades, $2.50 Alabama Slammers, $1.50 Miller Lite drafts, $4.50 Miller Lite pitchers, $1.75 Coors Lt. bottles ($2 Dollars extra for red bull during happies)
10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
WED. 3/20
Adams drafts/$9 pitchers Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $2.50 Happies 10PM-midnight: Half price all Bacardi Flavors, $3 Sam Adams Liquor and Mixed Drinks, $2 Miller Lite Drafts, 1/2 off Corona and Corona drafts, $6 Miller Lite pitchers, $1.50 Coors Lite Bottles Lt. Bottles ($1 extra for Red Bull during
Go Go Gadget and DJ Keigo, $4 Cover 9-close
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
SPECIAL NIGHT THURS. 3/14 FRI. 3/15 SAT. 3/16 SUN. 3/17
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)
The 80's w/DJ (9pm-2am), $3 Sam
happies)
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Three Painfully Obvious Signs You’ve Been Friend-Zoned Kayla Driscoll wrote this “I wish more guys were like you,” is one of the most cliché expressions you’ll hear as you rot away in the friend zone. While the longstanding childhood male-friend has earned our respect over the years, you exist predominately to satisfy our need for male attention, without the work of chasing a guy we’re romantically interested in. The catch of being in such an unfortunate position, is that you sticking around in hopes that something between us will change, is the reason why you’re there in the first place. Amanda, a junior in Marketing says, “we put you in the friend-zone because we know we can be our annoying selves and not have to feel like you’re going to split.” You’re a safety net, essentially. As you might guess, once in the zone, it’s a tremendous feat to escape. However, this guide should help you recognize the signs early on, and for the love of god, hopefully help you get the hell out of there in the future. 1.) You’ve seen her “other” side: The biggest, and most obvious indicator of a bona fide friend-zoning is the girl becoming comfortable too quickly. Just like the “gay-dar” phenomenon, women have developed an evolutionary tactic to spot a platonic male-friend off the bat, and because of this will go from zero to sexless marriage faster than you can say “Joseph Gordon-Levitt” (the famous just-friend of Zooey Deschanel). We’ll tell you our deepest fears, our fantasies (both romantic and sexual), and what we like and dislike about our close girlfriends. You’ll mistake this for romantic interest (which we consciously anticipate) and before you know it, we’ll be telling you about that weird sound our stomach makes when we’re gassy, the names of our future children, and worst of all, we’ll begin to take you through the ups and downs of our romantic past and present (which should be a dead give-away, for frak’s sake).
Then down reaches the inevitable hand of your gloomy fate: “You think I’m beautiful? Awe, that means so much coming from you, you’re like a brother to me.” With that, your night ends with an eye contact-less hump-hug, and a lonely walk back down Beaver, since you walked us a mile out of the way from where you live. Whoops!
2.) Her level of affection quadruples when – and only when – alcohol is involved: Easily misleading, the drunken flirtation goes back to our deeply-rooted need for attention. Be warned, symptoms of friendzoning are only apparent when there are no (and I mean NO) more attractive guys around that we feel we’d be able to snag the eye of. “We obviously want to feel wanted, and girls with a guy on her always give off that image,” says Victoria, a freshman in DUS.
3.) Your body language in pictures is painfully awkward: You may find yourself in a respectable percentage of her pictures after a few nights out. Take some time to analyze these pictures, as you might find some interesting trends in the way the two of you are positioned: if you have two arms around her, but she has one arm around you (extra points if it looks like you’re cutting off her air supply); if you’re suffering from “hover-hand” syndrome; and finally, if you’re photo-bombing her pictures with friends – please don’t do this, it ruins a perfectly good picture that we spent hours earlier primping to look bangable in – which you would know since you were there to bring the alcohol and watch her get ready.
You know how faux-flirtatious we get with our girlfriends when we get drunk? You’re that, but more socially acceptable and just so darn cute! So cute, in fact, that we begin to tell you envisions of us “being a pair, you and I, together for – hiccup – ever!” You’ll walk us home in the hopes of finally taking the leap from the backburner into our underpants.
There is still no known cure for friend-zone-itis, but when there is, we vow to be the first to write a followup on such a miracle. You guys deserve the best, just try to balance your sweet innocence with a little fire next time, and maybe the tables will turn in your favor – speaking of which, you would totally hit it off with my one friend, want to go on a double date this weekend?
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YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY. @BLACKSHEEP_PSU
we interview: Justin grant wade We caught up with STEVE HOLT!... er, Justin Grant Wade, the actor who play(s/ed?) Steve Holt in the greatest show in history Arrested Development. We had a few cocktails, chatted about the show, what he’s doing and where he’s going, all with just the teensiest bit of sexual tension in between. – by Quinn The Black Sheep: How long were you an actor before you got the role of Steve Holt? Justin Grant Wade: I started acting after my mom and dad were notified by my baseball coaches (and noticed themselves) how much I was a knucklehead on AND off the baseball field growing up. My mom decided to sign me up for acting class around the age of twelve. It was a summer kids course at the South Coast Repertory. I was terrified at first but then quickly adapted and continued to take classes there for many years. After that, I attended the Orange County High School of the Arts in California. That's where I began to grow and appreciate the arts. I didn't start "professionally" acting, though, until the age of 14 or 15. And by that I mean going out for TV shows and movies, having a manager and agent and whatnot. TBS: How did the Save Steve Holt campaign begin, and where has it gone since? Has it been successful? JGW: I guess I have to start with the latter of the questions. I do know what will be going on with Steve Holt. UNFORTUNATELY, myself, and you included my dear friend Quinn, will be kept from knowing. Think of it as we're the rubber suit guys from American Horror Story and we can't unzip our creepy fetish shit until May. The SSH campaign pretty much began as a joke with my buddy Robert Adamson. He's a fantastic visual/artistic designer and fan of Arrested. He REALLY wanted to get me back on the show at all costs, so he designed the site with our buddy Nick Blancharte. I pretty much sat in the wings while they created t-shirt designs, an entire website, art pieces, business cards, etc... It was crazy. All of a sudden, I wake up one morning and he's texting me that we've already been in the Huffington Post, CNN, Yahoo, and a bunch others. Our Facebook fans shot from 60 or so to 2,000. The web can be nutty sometimes. None of us expected that. Next thing you know we're shipping t-shirts from AZ to NY to Australia. The sites gone well but simmered down. Robert still tinkers with it and loves to hear fan feedback. TBS: I imagine people constantly shout Steve Holt at you, what's the most awkward encounter you've had with a STEVE HOLT! fan? (Have your arms bulked up because of this too?) JGW: The funniest would have to be on a treadmill at the gym one time with my gal pal, Brooke. We were finishing up a good work out and we hear something. She said, "Did someone just yell?" Then we hear it more clearly, “STEVE HOLT!!!!" We turned near the door and there were two dudes with shocked faces that were giggling like little girls. I laughed and waved. The gave me the obligatory "Right on, man!" and quickly bounced. Brooke then turned to me and asked, "Do you know who that was?!" I said, "I don't know. Obviously a big fan of the show!" She laughed and said, "Yah! But that was (such and such guy can't remember his name). He's the one that was obsessed with me and asked me to homecoming like 3 years in a row!" I did remember then and we had a good laugh. Seeing how we went to high school together. I would LOVE to think I've bulked up but I think it more just reminds me that I'm getting older and the jerking the arms above the head probably isn't the best idea. But I will do it anywhere and everywhere if requested.
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
Girls Sunday, March 17th at 9pm on HBO
TBS: What was your most memorable on-set moment? JGW: A few good ones. Too many to count though. Definitely having the conversation with Alia [Shawkat]’s mom and Michael Cera's mom before I kissed her daughter. Ali's first kiss EVER was Michael. I was 19 or so at the time, and was watching from the back of the auditorium we were filming in, unbeknownst to me that the lovely parents were sitting in the row directly in front of me. They asked, "And who do you play?" I said, "STEVE HOLT!" They laughed and said, "Oh wow. So YOU'RE the one that'll be kissing my little girl! I'm keepin’ an eye on you!" She was of course kidding (but not really) [laughs]. It went off without a hitch and we all know how the kissing cousins ended up... until the new season.
Just when you were really starting to understand the intricacies of Hannah's barely-decipherable mind, Season 2 of Girls is coming to an end. In the season finale, Hannah (Lena Dunham) must write her voice-of-a-generation book in a single day, Marnie (Allison Williams) totally misinterprets her ex-boyfriends intentions (just get naked already), and Ray makes a move to impress quirky Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet). Don't worry, season 3 is already in the works.
Another one would have to be the episode where I deliver the cornucopia of goods to the Bluth home and Portia hits on me. I was waiting backstage with a producer’s assistant named Sarah. She was to cue me in so that my shadow did not enter the opaque windows on the door before it was visibly needed. The main problem with the scene was that David Cross had a semi-lengthy monologue before my entrance. Numerous times we waited backstage but to no avail - only laughter. The walls of the model home blocked most of his tirades, and David has a tendency to say whatever’s on his mind. So finally we just kept trying to listen to what the hell he was saying, as he would go on tangents if he forgot the actual line. It was just funny shit. Eventually we got enough material from him to piece together an hour long Comedy Central special... which I would absolutely purchase!
After nearly seven years and a few legit acting gigs, Justin Timberlake is back with his third solo album, featuring the so-so single "Suit & Tie." Timberlake said he began working on the album with "no rules or end goal in mind," which sounds like a pretty sweet way to make a record. Try to check him out on tour with Jay-Z this summer, because who ever would've thought a former Mickey Mouse Club member and drug dealer would share a stage.
TBS: What are some projects you're working on right now? JGW: Right now I'm continuing to audition and keep on acting. I’ve been working on some writing stuff with some buddies of mine. They're in the industry kind of all over the place so it's fun to have actors, writers, dp's, directors and producers all coming together to write and they all have something else to bring to the table. But until then, the new Arrested project is a big goal, and that's fine with me.
Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience out march 19th
admission in theaters march 22nd
Tina Fey and Paul Rudd star in this rom-com about Portia Nathan (Fey), a Princeton admissions officer who makes a recruiting visit to an alternative high school overseen by her former college buddy John Pressman (Paul Rudd). Upon visiting the school, Pressman suggests that one of his wacky, gifted students is her son that she gave up via a secret adoption many years ago. Will this deep, dark, quirky secret drive them together? Only time will tell. (Also, yes it will.)
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the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
bartender of the week Alyse H. Phyrst Major: Journalism
the door and she fell. Helped her up and she yelled "They have the wrong person!"
Relationship status: Taken Hometown: Bangor, PA Best perk of working at the Phyrst: Always a live band. Best night to work: Monday. Open mic night is hilarious. Worst thing you’ve seen bartending: Any night that people are destructive sucks. People break bottles, and sometimes they pee in the 21st birthday hats that the bar supplies for people on their 21st… One night a girl did an upper-decker in a toilet.
the drinking game: table horse
Sports are just an excuse to get hammered; you drink before the game and get plowed after to celebrate a win or ease the pain of a loss. March Madness is no different, but instead of just throwing back a few brews, practice your ball handling skills while getting a great pregame buzz. What You’ll Need: A plastic cup, a table, a ping pong ball and beer. Number of Players: Between 2 and 4. Level of Intoxication: A legit pregame buzz unless you have no game, then you’ll be wasted. How To Play: - Set the cup in the middle of the table. - Have a shoot-out to pick the order. - The winner of the shoot-out starts the game by shooting into the cup any way he or she wants. - Be creative with your shots—bounce them in, shoot them behind the back. If the first player misses their shot, they have to take a drink of their beer. - Once a player makes the cup, each player will have to match their shot. - Every player that misses while trying to mimic the shot receives a letter (H-O-R-S-E) and will have to chug for ten seconds. - After everyone tries to mimic the shot, the person next in line creates their own shot and play continues. The player that gets HORSE first has to beer bong a beer. The Game Ends When: Once a player gets HORSE. Then start it up again!
download our app for all of our drinking games!
Biggest tip: One night a guy left a huge tip for everyone on a 300 dollar tab. Let’s just say that I paid rent that night. Female celebrity to make out with: Scarlett Johansson Male celebrity to make out with: Heath Ledger… which is weird because he is dead. Dead or alive person to have a drink with: Bill Murray, because dead people can't drink. Life motto: “Don't doubt me.” Been saying it for years.
What should they name the new upstairs bar/restaurant: The Green Room. Because it's classy there and bands and actors usually wait in a green room.
Favorite PSU memory: Halloween senior year, I got really into glitter. My friend with dreads found glitter in her hair a year later from that night.
Funniest Twenty Phyrst-year-old birthday story: This girl was really drunk and sassy. Refused to leave and we pushed her towards
Do you believe in life after college: Firm believer in life after college. Life goes on.
recipe for disaster: swoll shake
There’s nothing meatheads love more than a protein shake before, during, and after their workouts. It’s important to stick to a strict protein regimen if you need large muscles to compensate for your below-average dick and brain. This Swoll Shake will take care of that for you, so you have more time to focus on your squat form. What You’ll Need: An 8 oz. steak, 4 oz. of salmon, 2 oz. of tuna, 4 oz. of turkey, 4 eggs, 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, ice, half a gallon of milk, 1 cup of peanut butter and a kick-ass blender. Cook Time: 15 minutes. Fatty Factor: No fat, bro. Just muscle. Let’s Get Baked: - Chop up the steak, salmon and turkey into little pieces. - Cook each item separately to the desired level of doneness. - Beat the four eggs and cook them in a pan. - Mix all of the ingredients and then throw them in the blender with the ice. - Blend the items up until the drink is smooth. If the mixture is too thick add extra milk. - Pour you Swoll Shake into your favorite workout bottle and hit the gym. Don’t be turned off by the smell… or the taste for that matter. Just man up and drink it down.
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
The Black Sheep presents: the mike's hard taste test
Spring break just ended, but that doesn’t mean you, dear reader, have to let go. While both studies and the reality of State College weather threaten to break your spirit, we beg you to cling on to the last vestige of both fun and sun. With whatever money you have left, we ask you don’t blow those buku bucks on inferior beverages. While your pittance will almost certainly go to beverages will start with names like “Keystone” and end in words like “Light,” there will be a brave, sad few who choose to “get the party started” with a novelty so novel, it’s hard to laugh at anyone who actually has the gall to drink it. Whether it’s a girl who thinks beer is “icky” or a dude who thinks purchasing it will allow him to get into said girl’s bottoms, there’s always a few insane enough to actually spend money on Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
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So, in true The Black Sheep fashion, we’ve bought as much Mike’s Hard Lemonade as our paltry bank accounts could afford. We have ten samples, and these samples were consumed during a blind taste test. None of the participants knew which sample they were tasting, but the testers ranked them from best to worst on a one-to-five scale, five being the best, one the worst.
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The categories on which the Mike’s Hard flavors were judged:
#1: Mike’s Hard Mango Punch Initial Flavor: 3.3 Lingering Flavor: 4.3 Wackiness: 3.3 Overall: 3.6 The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “Billy says the puke tastes just as good coming up as it does going down!” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: A liquefied mango Dum Dum Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: A sexy girl pretending to be a misunderstood outcast Notes: Though artificially-flavored drinks taste more like Satan’s asshole than the flavor they’re meant to resemble, Mike’s Hard Mango Punch proves the exception to this rule. Sure, it’s less “mango” in its flavor than it is, “orange,” but it is legitimately not terrible.
5
#2: Mike’s Hard Cranberry Lemonade
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#3: Mike’s Hard Black Cherry Lemonade
Initial Flavor: 3.7 • Lingering Flavor: 3 Wackiness: 2.3 • Overall: 3
Initial Flavor: 3 • Lingering Flavor: 2.8 Wackiness: 2.3 • Overall: 2.7
The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “This tastes like the gummy bears Uncle Ben used to give me to get me to go to bed.” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Cherry Luden’s cough drop diluted in Febreze Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: The bubbliest gay dude in the room
The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “Reminds me of the church wine I had during first communion. My stupid bitch step-mom didn’t even get me that Powderpuff Girls play house I asked for. I got the last laugh when she died from cervical cancer.” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Prison toilet wine Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: The prim teen who thinks he’s way too mature for his age
Notes: Like the Mango Punch, the comparatively high marks have less to do with the drink’s cranberry flavor, and more to do with it not being objectively undrinkable. To say it tastes like cranberry is to say that cherries, or raspberries or shit, Taco Bell, tastes like cranberries.
Notes: Of all the flavors of Mike’s Hard tried during this experiment, the Black Cherry Lemonade had the best aroma - a delightful candy aroma all but certain to arouse the latent candy addict in all of us.
When the second place drink in a blind taste test gets worse as the flavor settles on one’s tongue, this is not a testament to the overall quality of your product. Do you hear us, Mike’s Hard?
4.5
4
Though we’re almost certain Mike’s Hard Black Cherry Lemonade has the same viscosity and texture as other products, the consensus opinion was, this one was thicker than the other samples we tried. Note, this was the last Mike’s Hard we tried, so we may have just been, like, totally shitfaced on two drinks, bro.
3.5
3
#5:
#4: Mike’s Hard Lemonade
Mike’s Hard Lemonade lite
#6:
Initial Flavor: 2.3 Lingering Flavor: 2.5 Wackiness: 2.3 • Overall: 2.7
Initial Flavor: 2.2 • Lingering Flavor: 3 Wackiness: 2.7 • Overall: 2.6
The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “Like, I totally wish I had, like, four more of these in my mouth right now. LOL, shut up Kyle!!!” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Lemon-scented Dial soap and vodka Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: Virginal freshman female who quickly turns slutty deepthroat queen
The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “This tastes just like my Mom’s Squirt! What? I don’t know what a double entendre is, I’m not French.” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Leftover Pledge in a huffing sock Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: Overweight suburban cheerleader
Notes: The flavor that started it all did relatively well in our blind taste test, though comments like, “This is tolerable” don’t inspire confidence in the quality of the beverage, in comparison to say, a beer. While many other flavors were sweet to the point of tasting medicinal, Mike’s Hard Lemonade actually burnt tasters’ nostrils like an aerosol air freshener would. It… it was weird.
#6:
Notes: Though it smells like teenage staple vodka and Sprite, Mike’s Hard Lemonade Lite tastes exactly as one thinks it would taste: Like Mike’s Hard Lemonade, diluted with water by about 30%. Of course, this makes sense when one notes Mike’s Hard Lemonade has an ABV of 5%, whereas Mike’s Hard Lemonade Lite has an ABV of 3.2%. So, sure, save 100 calories, but know that if you’re going to get Maggie to go down on you in the back yard of your parents’ house, you’re going to need twice the volume.
Mike’s Hard margarita
Initial Flavor: 1.7 • Lingering Flavor: 2 Wackiness: 2 • Overall: 1.9 The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “Me no gusta tambien nosotros es un malo!” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Burning garbage-scented air freshener Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: Entitled Latina princess Notes: A good margarita is a pretty simple thing: salt, tequila, and a little triple sec. Mike’s Hard sure did get the salt flavoring right. Someone there owed the people at Morton’s a lot of money. While the drink tastes like a street after snowfall, it smells like tequila, in the same way a soiled diaper smells like baby shit. Very, very strongly.
#8:
The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “Ew, someone call Chris Hansen; this totally raped my taste buds.” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Lime salsa found on the grocery store clearance shelf Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: Divorced suburban mother watching Hawaii Five-0, dreaming of a vacation to the beach. Notes: Whoever is responsible for creating Mike’s Hard Limeade misidentifies “overpowering citrus flavor” with “exotic.” This take on limeade closely resembles childhood soccer game essential Ecto Cooler, though we don’t advise consuming it in the back of a minivan.
#9:
Mike’s Hard raspberry Lemonade
Initial Flavor: 2 • Lingering Flavor: 1 Wackiness: 1 • Overall: 1.7 The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “I don’t understand how other adults drink thick beers like this.” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Carbonated cough medicine Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: Small-town cross dresser Notes: Primarily, “acrid” means, “having an irritatingly string and unpleasant taste or smell.” An additional definition of acrid has little to do with the senses, meaning, “angry and bitter.” Though the former accurately describes Mike’s Hard Raspberry Lemonade, the latter is certainly more apt.
#10:
Mike’s Hard winter blackberry
Initial Flavor: 1.7 • Lingering Flavor: 1.3 Wackiness: 1 • Overall: 1.3
Mike’s Hard strawberry margarita
Initial Flavor: 2 • Lingering Flavor: 1.7 Wackiness: 1.7 • Overall: 1.8 The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “After some nachos, a DiGiorno, and some Pop-Tarts, this would make a great dessert wine!” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Melted Fruit by the Foot Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: Vaguely non-gendered Lot Lizard Notes: One taster described the Strawberry Margarita by groaning loudly, while another claimed it was “the worst.” Another gagged while drinking it. So yeah, there are still two flavors that are worse than Strawberry Margarita. The Mike’s Hard Strawberry Margarita wasn’t just too sweet or too sour, it was a sugary, sour mess of a flavor -- like snorting Pixie Stix with Sweet Tarts crushed up and mixed in.
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Mike’s Hard Limeade
Initial Flavor: 2.7 • Lingering Flavor: 1.7 Wackiness: 1.2 • Overall: 1.9
1.5
The 17-year-old in the back of our van says: “This tastes worse than the time I tried a sample of my own period.” What artificial flavor does it resemble?: Grape antifreeze Where does this fall on the gender spectrum?: 14-yearold chain-smoking baby momma Notes: The lowest of the low. The Nelson Muntz of the Mike’s Hard family. It looks and tastes like motor oil laced with sugar water. It tastes more black than berry. A taster describes it as, “A carnival gone wrong,” which isn’t a thing as far as we know, but seems incredibly apt. It is not made of things found on this earth.
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play st. patty's day bingo! Nudity
Green Beer
Someone Crying
A Paddy Wagon
Drunk Old Man
Someone Asleep
Striped Socks
A Cop
A Beer bong
Greenman
Green Eggs or ham
A Fight
Leprechaun Hat
A Wipeout
Dropkick Murphys Shirt
This Sign
A Makeout
Outdoor Peeing
A Bags Game
Puke
A Drinking ticket
A Drunk asian
Marijuana paraphernalia
Indoor Sunglasses
the crossword: Things that are green Across 2) St. Patty’s Day mascot. 5) Spanish for green (salsa). 6) Snooki loves to drink its juice. 8) The winner of this gets a green jacket. 9) No matter how many times you cut it, it always grows back. 12) An edible, mini tree. 14) Guacamole, essentially. 17) Normally paired with spinach and pita bread. 19) A minty McDonald’s
shake. 20) Jim Henson’s most famous creation. Down 1) Mad Christmas H8R. 2) She put this in the coconut, and drank them both up. 3) Not to be confused with a crocodile. 4) Ganja, baby. 7) The capital city in the Land of Oz. 10) Luke’s teacher, he was. 11) He can blow a bubble with his bum bum bum. 13) Prickly son of a bitch. 15) They are black, too. 16) Delicious when drizzled with ranch. 18) This city dyes their river green.
Meet The Staff campus manager David Porter Callanan
PR Manager Olivia Sloan
Advertising ManagerS David Porter Callanan, Olivia Sloan, Manisha Yarlagadda
pr team Kendall Biesecker, Briana Meme, Jenna Seco
Writers Celeste Beckman, David Porter Callanan, Devin Cox, Kayla Danielle Driscoll, Alexander Long, Sammy Mancuso, Ben Morse, Katie Severino, Evan Witmer
campus director Quinn Myers owner Atish Doshi
distribution manager David Porter Callanan
Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers
photographer You? You!
Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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