The Black Sheep
fr ee th ... l e W ike ill a l ar ec t d Pr ure ea f ch ro er m .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 2 • 3/21/13 - 3/27/13
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheep_PSU
Amy Winehouse Cancels BJC Concert; Extending Arena’s Streak of Failure David Callanan wrote this The Bryce Jordan Center (BJC), formerly known as the Bon Jovi Center, for no apparent reason announced on Monday that Amy Winehouse will visit the entertainment venue, not realizing the songstress has been dead since July 2011. BJC Director of Sales and Marketing Bernie Punt announced the performance via Twitter when he tweeted to his 600+ followers, “The BJC will come alive on April 24th! #Winehouse #YOLO.” Minutes later, Punt deleted the tweet and said “We regret to inform you that Amy Winehouse has been dead for several years. We apologize and will try and stay up to date with music news.” When reached for comment, Winehouse added "
."
The announcement of Winehouse’s cancellation didn’t come as a surprise to Penn State students, most of which said they have grown apathetic towards the scheduled acts at the university’s largest entertainment venue. “Since my freshman year it seems like they have only had the same four or five acts every year,” said Michael Brooks (senior). “It usually goes rap concert, dance pop concert, country concert, and ‘some band my uncle likes’ concert.” The scheduled visit to Happy Valley would have extended the streak of concerts aimed at a crowd older than Penn State’s student population. Other members of the student body were relieved when the concert was announced and subsequently cancelled. “It’s gotten to the point where the second they schedule a concert we know it’s going to be cancelled in a few weeks,” said freshman Connor McPherson. “At least it was almost immediate this time around.” The cancellation of the Winehouse show will be the fifth cancellation at the BJC in the past three years. In 2010, Atlanta rapper TI was scheduled to perform at the BJC but instead chose to violate his parole, get arrested, and ruin his career because State College was “the worst fucking place he has ever been to—even worse than Atlanta.” This past year, Lady Gaga became gravely ill once she found out she was playing at the venue, and every member of the band Green Day killed themselves during a 2012 tour when their manager informed them of their upcoming show at the BJC.
Black Sheep’s Guide to PSU parking some easy steps to avoid those two truck terrorists.
page 4
The only artist who cancelled a concert due to illness but still performed at a later date at the BJC was electronic dance music superstar DJ Tiesto. Following his performance he said “I am Tiesto! I make music that go boom boom and it sound good. It no sound good in that place!” Some students agreed with the artists that the acoustics and overall poor management of the venue ruined the experience of concerts and other Penn State hosted events. “Have you ever been to a basketball game?” said Noah Cole (sophomore). “Only like two thousand people go and they still have less organization than a Rwandan refugee camp.” This outrage comes only a few weeks after the BJC charged students with prepaid season tickets for their final home game of
what'’s inside
White Building controversy GDI beaten after refusing to follow strict Greek dress code.
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the season against Wisconsin. During that game the arena also relocated the student section behind the pep band, while those who paid extra got to sit courtside. Most students expressed their hostility through Twitter and other social media platforms calling the BJC “the worst arena in the country.” Not all students agreed with the negativity and felt the arena got a bad rap, considering all the good they have done in the community. “I don’t understand why they get such a bad rap, I mean they host THON every year and that always goes pretty well,” said Michelle Williamson (junior). “Oh wait, never mind, that’s run by the students.”
Fear and Loathing in Olive Garden We were somewhere near the bar… when the food lust began to take hold.
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contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 5: from the streets
page 6
what song gets you in the mood?
page 6: How to Properly Lose an Argument With Your Girlfriend
It’s going to happen. You might as well keep dignity in the process.
page 7: Top 10: Freshman Guys You Will Meet at PSU Some travel from distant countries, others live down the block.
Table of
page 11: Bartender of the week
Jenna from G-man hopes to become a housewife in california but for now she is just living the dream.
page 12: NCAA Bracket Selection Bracket
we broke down the best strategies to winning your bracket pool. Guaranteed to fail.
page 13: We Interview: Caspian
Our chat with these post-rock Massachusetts men, who just released their fourth album.
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A Titanic Smell Snow last week’s answers
Katharine McPhee & Matt Bomer
word of the week Anacomical:
Any use of one’s body part for humorous effect. “When Dave lit a fart that started Ryan’s hair on fire, it was anacomical to the second degree, as were Ryan’s burns.”
page 4
the black sheep guide's to Parking at PSU
theblacksheeponline.com
devin cox wrote this
Hey guys! Want to know a cool way to blow $115.00 this weekend? It’s simple, just park anywhere in a three-mile radius of campus for seven seconds, and watch the towing vultures drag your dad’s car away. In a town where tow trucks outnumber civilian cars 18:1, you can find a safer place to park on an abandoned minefield, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. Our daily rituals of translating “No Parking” signs and feeding broken meters keep our wallets empty and a provide a steady cash flow to the Nazi truck drivers that collect our parents’ hard-earned green. Heed our warning, people—these guys are relentless. Even if you had the fucking hovercar from Back to the Future, they’d find a way to go back in time and haul your ass back to slap you with a space-time continuum fee (+$47.90). In this town the only thing lamer than a souped-up pickup truck is the sight of an even more souped-up pickup truck dragging one behind it, and if one more The Black Sheep staff member gets their car towed by one of these assholes, our next issue will include helpful tips on how properly craft a user-friendly car bomb. The Black Sheep understands just how infuriating it is to walk outside and see the empty space your car used to hang out in, so we’ve devised a few pointers when it comes to saving your chariot for that late-night Taco Bell run. - Never stop driving. They can’t tow you if you’re moving, right? Screw class, the hell with sleeping, just red-eye that shit and do some laps until Walk’s goes out of business. - Always have an exit-strategy. If you’re caught off guard mid-bong-rip by the sound of a towtruck beeping its way back to your car, it always helps if you can drive straight through whatever’s on the other side. That’a fence? Fuck it. New headlights and a grill are $50 at PepBoys, and those suckers were getting dim anyway…
- The best way to get out of an un-lubed tow-job is to have some sort of real emergency going on. Every group of friends has that one guy they all mutually hate for no reason, but now he has a purpose! Crack him over the head while your car is being raised and carry him out yelling, “We have to get this guy to the hospital! Hey Tow Truck Guy, help us!” The odds are he’ll throw your car down off the lift faster than you can say, “just got off probation.” - Don’t be the most illegally parked person on the block. There are enough drunks in this town to make up a solid 50% of the poorly-parked demographic, which means there’ll be plenty of vehicles with a big fat bull’s eye for the towing companies. - Remember that guy you knocked unconscious? After you’re done drawing penises and swastikas all over his face, throw him in the driver’s seat of your parked car. We don’t know the rules, but we’re pretty sure they won’t tow a car with someone sleeping inside it. So there you have it, folks. Follow those guidelines and we’re sure you’ll no longer have be at the mercy of a tow truck company. Viva la resitance!
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From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
what song gets you in the mood? "’High For This’ by The Weekend. How can you resist that man's voice crooning about sex on drugs? This music was made for some serious time in the sack, and I suggest that you nymphos out there take full advantage of it." - Hannah, Senior
"’Boom Boom’ by the Vengaboys, no doubt. It has 'banging' beat and the lyrics are literally about getting laid.” - Marc, Sophomore
"Probably ‘Do the Rump’ by The Black Keys for two reasons… it's blatantly about sex, and I think they're such a smooth, sexy sounding band I'd love to bang to." - Samantha, Junior
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
page 6
theblacksheeponline.com
how to Properly Lose an Argument With Your Girlfriend
We hope that couch of yours is comfortable, because tonight’s slumber will reside on its cushions. Men have the insatiable appetite for winning arguments with their significant other, but a victorious celebration often leads to a night full of regret and unseen emotional collateral.
Devin Cox wrote this
Theory: Even when we think we’ve won an argument, we haven’t. Men are led to believe the crying we hear after a fierce exchange means victory, but this belief is a common misconception—women cry after an argument only to recharge their emotional battery and better prepare for an intense counterattack. When the war has already been won, the meaningless battles that ensue are nothing but a fast track to the dog house, and therefore, a well-scripted dive is the only logical option. Materials: - First, confirm that you do, in fact, have a girlfriend. Although arguing with random women on the street can be entertaining, it is frowned upon in most communities and can lead to legal issues (or a swift kick to the groin). - Attire is vital in the beginning stages of the encounter. Make sure to wear something you know she hates, and will then bring up to better her argument. Example: “…and you let yourself go! You wear that STUPID Tim Frazier jersey your brother bought you every day!” - Any items or evidence that can be used against you in the heat of an argument. Example: “Wait… Is that the ELECTRIC BILL I told you to pay two weeks ago?!” What to Say: In order to maximize the probability of a loss, be sure to inject the following lines at various
times during the encounter: - “Well I didn’t KNOW that, okay?” - “I guess I didn’t think of it like that…” - “How was I supposed to know that?” (Can also include: “Now I can see why you’re upset.”) - “I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you’d be this angry.” Please Note: Never, under any circumstances use the following statements; your girlfriend will be able to identify an intentional surrender, which may result in ruthless attacks on your wellbeing. - “You’re right babe, I’m sorry.” - “You’re always right about this kind of stuff…” Warning: - Do not engage in argumentative behavior near/ around sharp objects or open flame, this may result in bodily harm or death. - Refrain from bringing your girlfriend’s family life to the discussion table, this also may result in bodily harm or death. - UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ask about your girlfriend’s menstrual cycle, this WILL result bodily harm, then death. Troubleshooting Problem: No matter what vulgar things I say and how offensive I act towards her, she continues to apologize and refuses to accept the notion that she is right. Solution: Your argument needs to be specially constructed to press certain buttons of hers. It is not necessarily the vulgarity of what you say or act, but rather the material of your argument that will instigate her to believe you are the wrong one. Try bringing up sensitive subjects such as previous girlfriends, her weight, how you want to spend more time hanging out with your friends, or her lack of common sense.
Community Divided After GDI beaten
for Not Following White Building Dress Code Kayla Danielle wrote this Stress is running high this week at Penn State after an altercation arose in the White Building, a popular fitness center on campus. A female junior was said to have entered the gym at 5:30 p.m., a peak time at the gym for many members of the University’s Greek life, of which the victim was not a member. At 5’8” and 135 pounds, the assailed female’s proportions would normally be enough to grant acceptance into their community. To the sisters of the Phi Sigma Sigma sorority, more commonly known as “PSS,” acceptance couldn’t be further from the case. Within half an hour of her arrival, after stepping off of a bike in the sorority-dominant “cardio room,” the first Phi Sigma Sigma sister -- lurking on a neighboring stair climber -- initiated the attack. Atop an elevated surface, the sister was at an obvious advantage as she ripped the GDI to the ground, pulling at the victim’s clothes, and eventually tearing her shirt in half. Before the victim was able to ward off the attacker, a second sister quickly joined in, slapping her across the face with her Nalgene bottle covered in sparkly PSS stickers, which left several abrasions. Although employees of the fitness center quickly came to the aid of the victim, it was far too late.
“She was wearing men’s gym shorts and a yellow Hanes t-shirt, with some sort of sports team on it – nothing related to THON, not even Penn State – what did she think was going to happen?” demanded a witness, who is a member of another sorority on campus, Kappa Alpha Zeta. “She wore her hair up, she was sweating and had no makeup on, it was honestly hard to watch,” said another, “I eventually moved to the weight room to avoid her. I was really uncomfortable,” she added. An anonymous source also claims that the outfit might have only been part of the problem. It’s been rumored that a brother of Delta Sig has been texting both the victim and a female within the Phi Sigma Sigma sorority; however it was not concluded as to whether or not that sister was involved in the beating.
remembered that they don’t have one. All they have is a floor of a building.”
The Penn State community is now in chaos as students divide themselves over the assault. “I understand that the sororities here are territorial, but if we let them get away with this, what’s next?” desperately asked another God Damn Independent.
Just one male student was willing to comment on the event, leaving Penn State students with something to think about:
Another senior female isn’t so forgiving, saying, “I wanted revenge. I was going to toilet paper their house, but then I
The female victim is currently recovering at Mount Nittany Medical Center.
“I’m getting drunk tonight and pondering over why the hell girls care so much about this shit.”
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
The
Top 10
Freshman Guys You Meet at PSU
10.) The kid from the west coast: This guy traveled thousands of miles across the country, leaving his family and friends behind to start a new life in a new time zone as an 18-year-old. Still, the only thing we ask him is “Why the hell would you ever leave California for Pennsylvania?” 9.) The one-upper kid: Anything you can do he can do better, he can do anything better than you! He can drink more, he can get more pussy, he knows everyone on campus, and he is going to let you know that every day of the year. 8.) The backwoods PA kid: Don’t tread on his rights! A good time to this guy is a Budweiser, some dip, an automatic weapon, and a pick-up truck with a dead deer in the bed. This guy wears camouflage all day, which is ironic because he stands out more than anyone else in the classroom. 7.) The foreign kid: You think leaving home is nerve-wracking enough? Imagine going to a new country, in a completely different society where you don’t even speak the language. That’s this kid’s life. He adapts quickly, except for understanding the whole staying quiet in the library part. 6.) The future college dropout: Everyone knows this kid won’t last the second they meet him. He drinks and smokes on school nights, sleeps through his alarm every morning, and he goes to class only for the exam. The day he fails out expect the “I learned so much more about myself than I will in any class” speech. 5.) The local: Did this kid seriously lose a bet? We all love Penn State, but imagine growing up two miles from campus and then attending the university, it essentially ruins the experience. Oh god, this kid’s life is a nightmare. 4.) The committed relationship kid: College is a fresh start for most people, but not this guy. He loves his “amazing” girlfriend of nine months so much that he wouldn't dare leave her behind. He loves partying with his boys, but don’t expect to see him out past one, because his babe can’t sleep knowing he’s out having fun without her. 3.) The Jersey jackass: We get it man, you’re from Jersey and you’re PROUD of it. Sometimes you feel bad for this kid because everyone rags on him for being from the “armpit of America,” but he usually just eats that shit up and spews it back in your face. Just shut up and let us use your beach.
2.) PSU inbred: His parents, his brother, his sister, his cousins, his cousin’s cousin’s cousin – they all went to Penn State. He’s like your own personal tour guide! Look forward to his parents' tailgates every football weekend! Lastly, the only thing he loves more than Penn State is Joe Paterno. 1.) The Philly/Pittsburgh Kid: Let’s be honest, they’re basically the same guy. Both these kids LOVE their sport teams and let it define them as human beings. They also both have a strange obsession with sandwiches from their area and local convenient stores. Lastly, and most importantly, they’re never actually from Philly or Pittsburgh, they live in the suburbs.
David Porter Callanan wrote this
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The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
Happy Hour Every Night 10PM-Midnight!
Every Night! 10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
SUNDAY - THURSDAY $3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $2 ABC's, $3 Grey Goose $1.50 Bud Lite Drafts (All Day)
Pop Culture Party (9PM-2AM), $2.50 Bud light drafts/ $7.50 pitchers (All Day) Happies 10PM - midnight: Half price all Liquor and Mixed Drinks ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies)
DJ Cashous! Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)
Rock & Roll All Night (9PM-2AM), $3 Blue Moon drafts/ $9 pitchers Happies 10 PM - midnight (except home games): $2.50 moonshiners, $3.50 flavored vodka and Bacardi Oakheart ($2 extra for Red Bull during happies)
DJ Manik Mike (State College's only video DJ) Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 5PM-7PM, 10PM-12AM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)
Free For All Music Fest + DJ (9PM-2AM), Blue Moon $3 draft/$9 pitchers (all day) Happies 10 PM midnight (except home games): $2.50 moonshiners, $3.50 flavored vodka and Bacardi Oakheart ($2 extra for Red Bull during happies)
DJ Kid AV and special guests! Free Cover 9-10pm, $3 Cover After
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-12AM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
Full menu + Brunch 11am - 2pm
Nascar & Maxin' Relaxin (9PM-2AM), Bud light $2.50 drafts /$7.50 pitchers (all day) Happies: 10PM-midnight: Half off all liquor ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies), $2 Miller light drafts/ $6 Pitchers, $1.75 Coors Light bottles
10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
MON. 3/25
Check out our award-winning wine list! Voted best wine list by State College Mag!
Modern Music! Molson Canadian $2.50 Drafts, $7.50 pitchers (All Day) $2 Miller Light drafts/ $6 Pitchers, $1.75 Coors Light bottles Happies 10PM-midnight: Half off all liquor and mixed drinks ($1 extra for Red Bull during happies)
10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
TUES. 3/26
5 Consecutive Awards from Wine Spectator - Come Try Some Tonight!
Country Crossover (9PM-2AM), Budweiser $2.50 drafts / $7.50 pitchers (all day) Happies 10PM - midnight: $2.75 Jack Daniels drinks, $2.50 Lynchburg Lemonades, $2.50 Alabama Slammers, $1.50 Miller Lite drafts, $4.50 Miller Lite pitchers, $1.75 Coors Lt. bottles ($2 Dollars extra for red bull during happies)
10-12: $2 Strong Island Iced Teas, $2 Shots (over 100 choices), $3 Colossal Teas, $3 22oz Bacardi drinks in all 13 flavors, $3 Vegas Bombs and all bomb shots, $3 Smirnoff drinks , $4 Smirnoff and Red Bull, $4 Patron shots
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
WED. 3/27
Adams drafts/$9 pitchers Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $2.50 Happies 10PM-midnight: Half price all Bacardi Flavors, $3 Sam Adams Liquor and Mixed Drinks, $2 Miller Lite Drafts, 1/2 off Corona and Corona drafts, $6 Miller Lite pitchers, $1.50 Coors Lite Bottles Lt. Bottles ($1 extra for Red Bull during
Go Go Gadget and DJ Keigo, $4 Cover 9-close
$3 Local Pint of the Day (all day) 10PM-11PM: $2.50 Spiced Rum and Coke/Bourbon and Coke, $2.50 Local Pints
THURS. 3/21 FRI. 3/22 SAT. 3/23 SUN. 3/24
Happy Hour 10pm-12am: $3 Absolute Bacardi Flavors, $2 Blue Moon Drafts (All Day)
The 80's w/DJ (9pm-2am), $3 Sam
happies)
page 9
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fear and loathing in olive garden
tbs staff wrote this
We were somewhere near the bar, at the edge of the restaurant, when the food lust began to take hold. I was shoveling my fifth meatball into my mouth, when the room began to spin. I remember saying something like, “I’m stuffed. Are you going to eat that?” Suddenly, there was a crash and a waiter carrying a tray filled with our half-eaten dishes tumbled to the ground due to the sheer weight of our refuse. I decided to take inventory of our present delicacies. Laid before us like a gleaming city of sultry herbs, noodles, and meats were two plates of bruschetta, thirty-five sautéed four-cheese shrimp, two sheets of lasagna, three empty parmesan cheese shakers, and a whole spread of edibles rich in carbohydrates, stewed meats, boiled noodles, steaming soups, and bottomless breadsticks, and salad. Of these last two—we simply could not run out. As God as our witness, we had tried. We also had a bottle of chardonnay, an empty bottle of pinot grigio, and a broken bottle of merlot. Not that we needed all of that for the meal, but once you start an Olive Garden binge, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the breadsticks. There is nothing in the world more helpless, irresponsible, and depraved than a man in the depths of a breadstick binge. At that moment a waiter walked up and asked how we were doing. I leapt up, sat him down next to me, and began to recount the tale of how the man sitting across from me had come to this country from the depths of sacred Mexico to find an education in the great wilderness of Pennsylvania. I looked at this man, this server of men, and asked if he was prejudice before offering him a breadstick. He confusedly took the breadstick and walked off with it. I knew he wouldn’t eat it, the thieving bastard. I missed him already. He smelled like marinara sauce and olive oil, although that scent could have merely been my upper lip. I dove into my chicken parmesan with furious gusto, wanting only to eat and to forget the sounds of laughter, smooth piano music, and my comrade asking how we were going to pay for this. He simply didn’t understand that this was more than a meal—it was a salute to the success of Italian Americans, entrepreneurs, and high-end restaurants for the collegiate masses. It was a battle in the ever-growing
war against anorexia, public image, and the stingy assholes living within their means. I prepared to down some merlot, but instead reached for the chardonnay to preserve what little class had managed to cling to us through this never-ending orgy of chow. Sipping delicately, I then released a belch that could’ve shaken the walls of Valhalla, had we been Norse. Of course, we weren’t Norse; we were broke. The server returned, still holding the breadstick. I knew the question he would ask. He was terrified though, for he knew the answer had to be, and would always be yes. His mouth opened slowly, and the phrase, “Did we save room for dessert?” left his lips like a au jus soaked lamb thrown into the lions’ den. Knowing that even looking at the dessert menu would send us both into another food lust from which none could return, I closed my eyes and feverishly ordered myself tiramisu with a piece of chocolate mousse cake for my Mexican friend. The waiter audibly thanked God before dashing away from the table like a frightened house cat. It was now that we began the world-ending debate of how to pay for the feast. My Mexican friend insisted that I pay since it was my idea to dine at this last bastion of affordable fine Italian, but I countered, remarking that it was I who paid when we had gone to Chili’s. This dance of course was meaningless, a ritual that would end in the two of us casually walking out the door of this place, then making a mad dash across the parking lot to the Honda, leaving a message written in breadsticks on the table: IOU.
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the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
bartender of the week jenny r. the gingerbread man Major: Hotel and Restaurant Management
housewife.
How long have you worked at G-man: 5 years
If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would you like to see play the lead role: Jennifer Lawrence, hands down.
Hometown: Athens, PA Biggest perk of working at G-Man: Atmosphere, cleaning up vomit from the rambunctious college kids. Best night to work: Tuesday, because it's the busiest night. Worst night to work: Karaoke night, the singers are god-awful. What’s the craziest thing that has happened in this bar: Every once in a while drunk people are found wandering the kitchens or sleeping in the basement. What's your favorite drink that is served at the bar: G-Spot Shots, they’re glorious. What are your aspirations after leaving State College: Marry someone famous, move to California, and become the most famous
the drinking game: march madness
It’s that glorious time of year again, the NCAA College Basketball Tournament. It’s all anyone will be talking about for the next couple weeks, so you might as well get drunk enough to not cringe at the throaty gurgling of Dickie V’s voice. What You’ll Need: Beer, eyeballs, a television Number of Players: The more (who bring beer) the merrier! Intoxication Level: It's a slam dunk. How to Play: Take one drink - For every “official” reference of a field of "68 teams" - For every Buffalo Wild Wings commercial - For every 60 Minutes commercial - Every time Dickie V. says something incredibly predictable on ESPN - Every floor slap Take two drinks - For every ol’ fashioned college-hustle play - When the higher seed goes up by ten - For every Craig Sager appearance - Every time a school’s band sadly attempts a pop song - When Marv Albert makes basketball seem poetically absurd Finish your drink - For every upset - For every correct pick in your bracket - When you realize you’re watching TruTV long after the games have finished - For every buzzer-beater - Before the guy you owe a lot of money to breaks your legs
As a female bartender, how often do you get hit on: All the time. One dude religiously asked me for my number every time he drank here. Yet, when I saw him sober walking down the street, he wouldn’t even make eye contact. Why did you want to become a bartender: Well, it seemed like a lot of fun, and it really is. Every busy night is a great opportunity to get better at my job. How did you become a bartender: I started as a server, which required a lot of rushing about. I really enjoy having a nice little territory to hangout in and make people drinks. How is dealing with college students: When they are ridiculously drunk it’s horrible because they are always assuming that they are right, when they are not. Other than that, it's not all that bad at all.
recipe for disaster:
Nutella Cool Whip Popsicles We’re sick of winter and its iron-fisted, anti-popsicle policies. Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to make it cold inside our mouths! What better way to make winter go away by denying its existence and eating a frozen treat? What you’ll need: Cool Whip, Nutella, milk, blender, and one of those popsiclemakers (though an ice cube tray would work in a pinch). Cook Freeze Time: 3 hours Fatty Factor: Just tell yourself eating Cool Whip and Nutella in popsicle form isn’t as bad as sneaking spoonfuls of each at 3 in the morning. Let’s Get Baked: To make three popsicles: - Put 1 cup Cool Whip, ½ cup milk, and 3 Tbsp. Nutella into a blender - Blend - Pour gooey goodness into popsicle molds/ice cube tray/shot glasses - DON’T pour gooey goodness into your mouth, you impatient fat ass - Freeze for a few hours - Eat all three in one sitting It doesn’t have to be summer out to enjoy frozen treats, just like it doesn’t have to be the weekend to be drunk at 11 a.m.
The Game Ends When: The games end, dummy.
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t e k c a r Ncaa b t e k c a r b n o i t c e l se
It's bracket season, and with it, all the insane ways millions of people make irrational decisions in hopes of eking out a few extra tax-free bucks. Well, not to get too meta, but we've decided to release our bracket on bracket selection processes. Which methods are most and least effective? Hint: Cuteness of animals has no correlation on basketball success.
we interview:
caspian
This week we had an opportunity to catch up with Erin Burke-Morgan, guitarist for post-rock monolith Caspian. These Massachusetts instrumentalists released their fourth album, Waking Season, in 2012, and are currently touring the United States to support it. We talked… well, we talked about that album, and touring in support of it. The Black Sheep: You guys are touring right now, where are you? Erin Burke-Moran: We’re in Portland, Oregon. TBS: When you tour, do you have the opportunity to take in the sights? Erin: You know what, on this tour it’s not so much sights. In the United States the drives are so long, the four or five days we have off are driving days. We went to a place called Voodoo Doughnuts today. TBS: They have a bunch of wacky doughnuts, right? Erin: Yeah, I had some crazy mango-filled doughnut. And that’s kind of cool, it balances out not being able to see anything. TBS: Since you’ve been on tour, we're sure you’re tired. What does fatigue mean for a band? Are you mentally exhausted? Physically? Erin: We all have our routines before going on stage every night. We have a stretch routine we go through each night, and that puts you in the music mindset. But yeah, I think the lack of sleep, in and out of reality, makes performing easier. At one point you’re in this wacked out zone in a van, then it’s like, stage time, and you know it’s time to perform. TBS: What’s your pre-show routine? Erin: Listen to some music, have a brew, and I do my stretches for twenty minutes before we play. I’ll catch the last song of the band performing before us, then it’s go time. TBS: Is the stretching a precautionary measure, or in response to an injury? Erin: (laughs) I’ve actually hurt myself a couple of times. I’m not old, but I’m getting older, you know? In 2010 we were in the middle of a tour and I swear to god, I gave myself whiplash. (laughs) It was hard playing two more weeks with an injured neck. TBS: How long does it take you to hit your stride on tour? Erin: It’s usually a week or so before you really get into a zone. Once we get there we try to stick with it. Of course you get tired. We were over in Europe last summer, and some of the craziest shows were at the end of the tour, and you have to stay up for those. TBS: What are you most looking forward to when you get back from tour? Erin: I mean, just having dinner with my girlfriend. I’ve been with her for three years now, so it’s tough getting away. TBS: What do you go for when you’re recording music? Erin: It’s different for every record. On Waking Season we were going for an ambient sound. About three quarters of the way through it we looked back and realized, “Wow, a lot of these songs are similar.” That’s when you know it’s natural. Now we’re performing it live and deciding what’s next. TBS: A running theme in music, what is that a result of? Erin: Our method usually involves someone getting an idea for a melody or a chord progression or a skeleton of a song. We’ll get together and jam on it. We just record ideas or practice sessions on an iPhone, then build from there. TBS: Are there ever heated arguments regarding music, or is it mostly eye rolls? Erin: It goes back and forth. There’s days where we’re looking at the floor, not being able to stand looking at each other. There’s other times when everyone just needs to step outside and smoke a cigarette. One thing that was great about Waking Season we got past inhibitions and insecurities, and found ways to communicate. TBS: Do you pay attention to criticism or acclaim from music press? Erin: I think we like to say we make music for each other; that we play what we’re happy with. The more we do this, the more we learn we can’t make everyone happy. To some degree you have to write for your fans, what’s been important to us is making music we can vibe with. Response from friends, interestingly enough, is when listening to Waking Season they’d uncover new stuff and it’d settle in with them. That’s a great response. TBS: But do you go, “Yeah! Spin gave us a nine!” or “Motherfucker, why did you give us a three?” Erin: (laughs) I mean, you read the reviews. It’s always funny to see what people say. It’s also just…part of the whole thing. TBS: What’s some music you’re into that your bandmates say, “Man, I can’t believe you listen to this garbage.”? Erin: (laughs) Not so much anymore, but I started playing guitar at fifteen, and some of my favorite bands were Live and Bush. Bandmates would give me such a hard time about that. Nowadays, I’m always trying to get them to play weird chords, and they won’t do it. That’s kind of the beauty about writing in a band, collectively coming to decisions.
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
NCAA March Madness March 21st - 24th
There's nothing quite like celebrating the end of winter hibernation than by getting mad during the month of March and bingewatching basketball in your living room. Have your brackets handy, your refrigerator stocked, and your comfiest party pants on, because you're going to be glued to the TV for four straight days. Good luck trying to go to class.
The Strokes - Comedown Machine out march 26th
Acclaimed indie rockers The Strokes are back with their fifth studio album, Comedown Machine. Suckily off of a mediocre 2011 album, sexy Juilan Casablancas and the rest of the bros say that this album returns to the sound from their classic first album Is This It. Be sure to check out the album's single, "All The Time."
Wavves - Afraid of Heights out march 26th
Goofy and perpetually stoned Nathan Williams, the head honcho behind surfer noise/rock band Wavves, has managed to remain relevant since his 2008 debut. Despite multiple band line-up changes, Wavves is cruising along at full force with the release of Afraid of Heights. Their fourth studio also includes two cameos by Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley fame, which is all one needs to say for us to pay attention.
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1) Swear word 2) Synonym for big 3) Plural body part 4) Verb 5) Synonym for drunk 6) MTV show 7) Intense rapper 8) Slutty male celebrity
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18) Typical drunk food 19) MTV character 20) Bar from #12 21) Liquid 22) Food from #17 23) Wild animal 24) Indie band 25) Food from #17 26) Cocktail
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