The Black Sheep
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Vol. 1, Issue 2
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
10/24/13 - 11/6/13
Apartment Complex Burns After Two Girls Show Up In Same Costume BY: Black Sheep Staff A Halloween party ended in tragedy last night when an apartment caught fire, leaving twentythree students injured and many more traumatized. Sources indicate that the fire began due to a stand off between two students who arrived wearing the same costume. Jenny Scott and Ali Tanner, both big fans of Miley Cyrus, decided to pay their respects to the star by dressing up as her for Halloween. However, “dressing up” may be an overstatement according to some guests of the party. “They both had next to nothing on,” vented Carla Romano. “They were crossing the line. I definitely saw labia. Once they saw each other, it really started getting out of hand.” Upon making eye contact with Jenny, Ali allegedly put on “Wop” by J Dash in an effort stake her claim as the best Miley at the party. The twerking battle that ensued claimed the first victim of the party. Matt Rodriguez, a sophomore afflicted with epilepsy, was sent into a seizure by the brutal twerkoff. “The doctors have no clue how it happened,” recalled Matt. “Their asses were just shaking so much that it was scarily disorienting. The last thing I remember before I went into seizure was the sound of my buddy puking all over a couch.” Without a clear winner in the twerking contest, the girls allegedly began searching for more ways to prove who represented Miley best. “Jenny started trying to make out with an ice-cream scooper, and then Ali really upped it by going down on the sink faucet,” explained Greg Keller, an aroused togawearing eyewitness. Jenny, angry that she had been upstaged, reportedly turned the water on in an attempt to embarrass Ali. Unbeknownst to her, someone had just
finished cleaning out some red cups with hot water because the host “was a cheap piece of trash.” Ali spewed the scalding hot water into Jenny’s face, eliciting a wail of pain and rage. Momentarily blinded, Jenny then allegedly took her papiermâché wrecking ball and smashed it over a bystander’s head. “Ali ran into the linen closet and rounded up an electric razor and a half gallon of bleach,” explained Greg. “When Jenny saw that, she ran into one of the other bedrooms. The next thing we knew she was putting together a prison-style tattoo gun from objects around the apartment.” Within minutes Jenny had started tattooing an anchor on her wrist, and Ali was furiously buzzing her hair while dumping bleach all over her head. “The anchor was looking really bad and I think that Jenny figured that out, so she stopped and decided to rip on Ali’s new haircut to make herself feel better,” Greg said. And that was when Jenny dropped the line that brought the night to its fiery end. “Miley doesn’t even look good with short hair. How is your zit-covered face going to even come close?” Jenny allegedly yelled at Ali, who was in the bathroom at the time. Ali then lunged across the room, livid that Jenny would dare to insult Miley’s style. “They were pulling hair and scratching each other, it was amazing. Definitely one of the top moments of my life,” raved Greg. “Jenny pushed Ali and started throwing beer bottles at her. There was glass everywhere; I even got a battle wound.” Keller pulled his sleeve up, proudly exposing what appeared to be a small paper cut. “And that was when Ali lit up a Molotov cocktail
and threw it in Jenny’s direction,” Greg said, starry eyed. “It seemed like slow motion.” The bottle smashed against a wall, engulfing it in flames. As the party-goers ran in panic, the fire spread, consuming the room. Emergency crews arrived quickly but not before the inferno had eaten its
way through the entire second floor. All told, the damages were upwards of ten thousand dollars, partly because the apartment complex was pretty heinous to begin with. Both girls are currently in custody at the West Lafyette Police Department with a hearing scheduled in the coming weeks.
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page 5
pages 10-11
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