The Black Sheep
fre e. wh ..like t en it s he wh ays o “ta le bo ke o wl ne. ”
Vol. 1, Issue 2
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
10/24/13 - 11/6/13
Apartment Complex Burns After Two Girls Show Up In Same Costume BY: Black Sheep Staff A Halloween party ended in tragedy last night when an apartment caught fire, leaving twentythree students injured and many more traumatized. Sources indicate that the fire began due to a stand off between two students who arrived wearing the same costume. Jenny Scott and Ali Tanner, both big fans of Miley Cyrus, decided to pay their respects to the star by dressing up as her for Halloween. However, “dressing up” may be an overstatement according to some guests of the party. “They both had next to nothing on,” vented Carla Romano. “They were crossing the line. I definitely saw labia. Once they saw each other, it really started getting out of hand.” Upon making eye contact with Jenny, Ali allegedly put on “Wop” by J Dash in an effort stake her claim as the best Miley at the party. The twerking battle that ensued claimed the first victim of the party. Matt Rodriguez, a sophomore afflicted with epilepsy, was sent into a seizure by the brutal twerkoff. “The doctors have no clue how it happened,” recalled Matt. “Their asses were just shaking so much that it was scarily disorienting. The last thing I remember before I went into seizure was the sound of my buddy puking all over a couch.” Without a clear winner in the twerking contest, the girls allegedly began searching for more ways to prove who represented Miley best. “Jenny started trying to make out with an ice-cream scooper, and then Ali really upped it by going down on the sink faucet,” explained Greg Keller, an aroused togawearing eyewitness. Jenny, angry that she had been upstaged, reportedly turned the water on in an attempt to embarrass Ali. Unbeknownst to her, someone had just
finished cleaning out some red cups with hot water because the host “was a cheap piece of trash.” Ali spewed the scalding hot water into Jenny’s face, eliciting a wail of pain and rage. Momentarily blinded, Jenny then allegedly took her papiermâché wrecking ball and smashed it over a bystander’s head. “Ali ran into the linen closet and rounded up an electric razor and a half gallon of bleach,” explained Greg. “When Jenny saw that, she ran into one of the other bedrooms. The next thing we knew she was putting together a prison-style tattoo gun from objects around the apartment.” Within minutes Jenny had started tattooing an anchor on her wrist, and Ali was furiously buzzing her hair while dumping bleach all over her head. “The anchor was looking really bad and I think that Jenny figured that out, so she stopped and decided to rip on Ali’s new haircut to make herself feel better,” Greg said. And that was when Jenny dropped the line that brought the night to its fiery end. “Miley doesn’t even look good with short hair. How is your zit-covered face going to even come close?” Jenny allegedly yelled at Ali, who was in the bathroom at the time. Ali then lunged across the room, livid that Jenny would dare to insult Miley’s style. “They were pulling hair and scratching each other, it was amazing. Definitely one of the top moments of my life,” raved Greg. “Jenny pushed Ali and started throwing beer bottles at her. There was glass everywhere; I even got a battle wound.” Keller pulled his sleeve up, proudly exposing what appeared to be a small paper cut. “And that was when Ali lit up a Molotov cocktail
and threw it in Jenny’s direction,” Greg said, starry eyed. “It seemed like slow motion.” The bottle smashed against a wall, engulfing it in flames. As the party-goers ran in panic, the fire spread, consuming the room. Emergency crews arrived quickly but not before the inferno had eaten its
way through the entire second floor. All told, the damages were upwards of ten thousand dollars, partly because the apartment complex was pretty heinous to begin with. Both girls are currently in custody at the West Lafyette Police Department with a hearing scheduled in the coming weeks.
page 4
page 5
pages 10-11
Congress Debate Over annual Halloween Party
Your Guide to Trick or Treating
The Black Sheep Interviews: Steve-O
Will the constituents ever reach a consensus?
Age ain’t nothin’ but a number, baby.
We chat with the infamous funny man about nut shots and Youtube.
Keep Up With Us! @BlackSheep_PU• theblacksheeponline.com
>>
Meet the Staff <<
Campus manager Victoria Houed
owner Atish Doshi
Advertising Manager David Zeltwanger
Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers
Social media manager Kyle Miller Distribution manager Keegan Beer Campus director Brendan Bonham
Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Avenue Suite 1, Chicago, Illinois 60622 Contact Corporate: 217.390-1747 For Advertising: 608.712.0900
Disclaimer: The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking.
Questions info@theblacksheeponline.com
This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication.
Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com
Please drink...responsibly and legally.
Follow us! @BlackSheep_PU â&#x20AC;˘ theblacksheeponline.com
It's NACHO gift card til' you enter! ENTER FOR A CHANCE TO WIN A TACO BELL GIFT CARD!
NAME: ADDRESS: PHONE NUMBER:
Tweet Us @BlackSheep_PU
#goodtimes
“I made a Photoshop brush of you partying.. as a ghost...
...because you look dead sexy.”
Seriously?
Word
Tweet Us @BlackSheep_PU
Ventitillate
of the
To arouse a sexual partner by blowing. With air. “Patrick ventitillated Mary by blowing in her ear; after, she was his for the taking.”
Week Guess The Mascot Tweet Us @BlackSheep_PU First right answer wins a prize!
DON’T MESS AROUND WITH
#BADTIMESMAN Tweet us your creepiest, most hilarious, most perverted, most raunchy (or all of the above) pick-up lines to @BlackSheep_PU #BadTimesMan
If yours proves to be the weirdest, you’ll win a prize and be featured in next week’s issue!
The Black Sheep
Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @BlackSheep_PU and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!
Classic college party icon actor covers fun-filled long johns with this keep-fresh tin foil.
read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com
Recently Re-Convened Congress Faces Polarizing Debate
Over Provisions for Annual Halloween Party By: Benny Boy
“The Republican Party would like to make clear its opinion that the giant tarantula overseeing the senate chamber is more along the lines of a ‘Creepy-Crawly’ party theme, when it was decided in January that we would proceed in a more supernatural, spooky idiom.” Such is the rhetoric being used by House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy in debates over provisions for the House’s annual Halloween Hullabaloo, a current point of contention between the recently re-convened parties of the US House. The issue became a major focus of debate last week when House Speaker John Boehner announced his intention of going as Walter White to the party, which was met with fierce opposition by the Democrats, spear-headed by President Obama who claimed that he made his intention of going as Walter White clear in this year’s State of the Union Address. Tensions were further heightened when Boehner suggested that Obama instead go as Gustavo Fring, to which Obama replied, “Wait,
why do I gotta be Gus?” The two have not spoken or touched legislation since. The debate then mutated into an argument over the constitutionality o f h av i n g Wa s h i n g to n s t a te representatives select the spooky playlist for the event, a practice which has been in place since the Fred B. Norman era of 19431945. It was then debated whether Halloween was even a thing when the constitution was drafted. After researching for a minute on his iPhone, Illinois representative Aaron Schock announced that Halloween derived from Welsh folklore, and that the term “Halloween” was established well before the drafting of the Constitution, making its implied inclusion in the document fairly plausible. Washington state representative Doc Hastings then added that Halloween did not migrate to the Americas until the 20th century due to puritanic opposition of the holiday during the 18th and 19th centuries, implying that the hullabaloos of said holiday were not strictly regulated in the document.
The case will soon go to the Supreme Court. “The Washington representatives just play ‘The Monster Mash’ over and over,” New York representative Charles B. Rangel related to the press. “Truthfully, that’s also what I would play if I were in charge of the playlist, but it’s the principle of the matter.” Radical Republicans have even gone so far as to call the entire costumewearing custom an affront to the lower-class representatives from Montana and Wyoming. Republican Majority leader Eric Cantor stands at the forefront of this radical movement, “The Democrats would have you believe that every representative can afford flashy Walter White costumes, but that simply isn’t the case. Forcing every person to wear a costume hurts the small representatives from places like Nevada, Oklahoma, and stuff like that.” Despite being a fierce opponent to the costume requirement, Cantor himself will once again be reprising his Satan costume. “Just because I don’t think the Idaho people need to
wear costumes doesn’t mean I won’t be dressing up myself. My Beelzebub costume was the hit of the party last year, I can’t not go as the Dark Lord again.” At the rate that party legislation is currently moving, it will take a small miracle for the Halloween Hullabaloo to be ready in time for Halloween,
which House members predict will be sometime near the end of October. There is a ray of hope, however, which lies with the bi-partisan members of the House, which, although having petty disagreements about food and music which should be present at the party, equally agree that there should be plenty of booze.
looking for an internship? Marketing, Ad Sales, Writing, and more! Get experience doing something you love!
04
Apply online today! theblacksheeponline.com
The
Top
Ten
Things your Costume Says About Your Sexual Prowess By: black sheep staff
10.) Sexy Cat: “I like to get drunk and give sloppy handys to strangers on Halloween, just like on any other Thursday. Wearing cat ears and lingerie together is the most creative thing I’ve done since I had to explain the pregnancy test to my parents in high school. My sexual skills include letting you do your thing and the aforementioned sloppy handy.” 9.) Superman: “I think I’m way better in bed than you do, which is fine, because I can finish before you even realize how little I care about your orgasm. My sexual skills include coming faster than a speeding bullet and boob-touching.” 8.) The Doctor: “If I’m drinking, I know my limit. That’s bad news for you, because social is the only kind of lubricant I’m using tonight. My favorite foreplay is cursing Stephen Moffat. My sexual skills include wearing a bowtie and never blinking.”
Your Guide to Trick-or-treating
in west lafyette By: Black Sheep Staff It’s finally here, everyone’s favorite day of the year: Halloween. And of course, the best thing about Halloween is trick-or-treating. Many people think trick-or-treating is only for children, but these people could not be more wrong. In fact, the tradition of candygiving originated in 1821 when thousands of French peasants banged on the doors of the nobles and demanded food in order to stave off starvation. Despite massive peasant deaths, the nobles eventually gave in on October 31st, beginning the tradition of treat-or-beating (later changed to trick-ortreating) each Halloween. If those starving peasants were not too old to trick-or-treat, than neither are you. Here’s a guide from The Black Sheep on how to turn your Halloween night from Frankenstein to Franken-fine. As a college student, the biggest problem you’ll run into when trick-or-treating is looking too old. No one wants to see Lurch from the Addams Family at their doorstep when they’re expecting Little Bo Peep. However, if you’re able to convince everyone you are an early-maturing adolescent, you should be able to trick the candy barons into giving you candy anyway. In order to achieve such deception, purchase a costume that comes only in child sizes, and will therefore be absurdly small on you. Better yet, have your “mom” sew you a ridiculously small costume because “your lemonade stand didn’t make enough money for a REAL Wreck–It Ralph costume.” (Bonus points if you say this with a lisp.) This way, with some slick-tongued persuasion you can convince them that you recently had an enormous growth spurt, which is why your costume looks so stupid.
Also consider which child costume to pick. Your first instinct will be to pick your favorite childhood superhero or movie character (i.e. Buzz Lightyear). Don’t cave. It’ll be a dead giveaway, because your childhood heroes are now irrelevant and outdated. Instead, go with something more en vogue, such as a minion from Despicable Me, a college Mike Wazowski, or some gay unicorn that is presumably inevitably popular now.
7.) Disney Princess: “Look upon me and weep! Standing before you is everything my father ever did wrong! Do you think Daddy would be proud of his little princess as she blows Batman in the bathroom? Do you think this is what he dreamed of for me when he sent me off to college two months ago? My sexual skills include aggression and lightly humming Disney songs while we do it.” 6.) Pun: “I drew on my T-shirt ‘GO CEILING!’ in sharpie! I’m a ceiling fan! Look at how clever I am! Yes, your boobs are nice, but I’m really funny, let’s laugh about that now! My sexual skills include laughing the whole time and being a one-man circle jerk.” 5.) Cross Dresser: “If I wanted to sleep with a woman tonight, I’d have gone as myself. I’m just here to embarrass my friends. That sucks for you if you wanted to ease yourself into your compulsory college lesbian experience. My sexual skills involve telling you about my day and cunnilingus.” 4.) Power Ranger: “If you come back to my place you will (but should not), be shocked by my collection of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles DVDs and my 90’s movie and TV posters. My sexual skills include made up karate moves and making you feel like a pedophile.” 3.) Anime Cosplay: “I have never seen a non-animated naked human being, and I have no idea what to do with one. Where are the cat ears? What am I supposed to do without tentacles? I don’t understand this world! My sexual skills include Japanese dirty talk and updating my Tumblr every two minutes.”
If you really want to drive home your identity as an appropriately-aged trick-or-treater to the candy barons, you need an I.D. that validates it. You shelled out 75 bucks for that 21-year-old I.D. that got taken the first time you tried to use it, so paying 50 cents for a library card that says you’re 12 should be no problem. Or, if you don’t have the money, just steal your younger sibling’s middle school I.D.and use that. Not only can you use this fake I.D. for trick- or-treating purposes, it can also get you a discount at a plethora of restaurants and movie theatres around the country. We hope this advice will be helpful to those in Clemson who are young at heart and want the magic of trick-or-treating to last forever, but not to those who plan to use the tradition as an excuse to get closer to small children. And if none of this works, you can always just rob an unsuspecting kid and steal his candy, so it’s really a win-win. Lastly, if you really want to leave Halloween a winner, show up to class the next day still wearing your costume. It’s the perfect power move to display your coolness, insinuating that you were up all night parting, or trick-or-treating, it really doesn’t matter which. Another win-win.
2.) Witch: “An oldie, but a goodie. Cleavage is the only spell I need tonight to get free drinks — you just bought me a blueberry cosmo without even looking away from my chest. Magic! My sexual skills include the missionary position and poisoning your well.” 1.) Zombie: “Sup, baby? NOOO NO DON’T TOUCH THE FACE! I spent like three hours getting the makeup just right, wait come back! Will you be my ghoul-friend? Why doesn’t anyone like me anymore?! My sexual skills include scratching my face until your entire apartment is covered in grey face paint flecks and falling asleep immediately after sex.”
05
Around campus send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets If you could be in any movie scene ever, what scene would it be and who would you replace? ior Rachel, Sen
“Edward Norton at the end of Fight Club when he’s watching everything falling apart.”
Erin, Senior
“Batman at the very end of the The Dark Knight Rises because everyone thinks he died, but then he didn’t die.”
r Sean, Senio
“I would replace Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder because he gets to hook up with Tara Reid before she gets gross and ugly in her old age.”
06
download our free iphone and android app
West Lafyette Police Prepared for Halloween By: Ben Bacardi With the influx of visitors bound to come to West Lafyette this weekend and the ever-present binge drinking being taken to a new level, the West Lafyette Police are getting ready for Halloween weekend, which is sure to be filled with vandalism, underage drinking and intoxicated brawls on the street. “I got one of those candy bowls with the hand that grabs your hand as you try to get candy,” laughed Officer John Marksman, a five year veteran of the force. “I have this awesome party all planned out, too. I invited a lot of the other policemen and some other friends. It’s going to be so great and maybe even a little spooky!” Marksman isn’t the only one who’s prepared for the crazy holiday weekend. “I made sure to get Halloween off so I could go to Marksy’s party,” said Chief of Police, Jason Dombkowski. “I’m going as Spiderman, and my wife is going as Mary Jane. I even found this great recipe for a candy corn mixed drink on Pinterest and a couple of other ideas that will sure make this party a haunting hoot!” “We have a 'best costume' contest every year,” said Marksman. “Last year, Sheriff Walsh won for his Paris Hilton costume. He even brought a little stuffed dog and kept saying ‘That’s hot.’ He was so into it, it was great. I’m excited to see who will win this year. Sheriff Walsh said he plans on topping himself this year but would only give me a two word clue about what he was going to be.” “Wrecking ball,” said Sheriff Walsh, winking. “I think you could guess what that means. This year is going to be even better than last year. I heard that Dombkowski is bringing a drink he found on Pinterest. I’m bringing my world famous jungle juice, and I saw this cool thing where you can make handprint ice cubes. Definitely going to make the whole thing more frightening! I don’t think I’ve ever seen an entire department so prepared for a Halloween.”
RipStik Rider Catches
Glimpse of Self in Window Questions Life Decisions By: Benny BOy Before last Tuesday, freshman Mike Jones considered himself a RipStik fanatic. Before coming to Purdue, Mike had wondered how he was ever going to get to class on time. “At first I considered getting a bike, but then I worried that it would just get stolen. I thought about getting a longboard … but then again, why get a longboard when I got a perfectly good RipStik in my garage?” Mike spent the first week of classes was spent RipStikin’ across campus without a care at all. “I felt like I was balanced precariously on top of the world. Any obstacle you can think of— pedestrians, bikers, potholes—why, I would just shake my hips and RipStick my way right around them. There’s nothing better than feeling the wind in your hair as you awkwardly wiggle your way down Armory at three miles an hour.” The party wasn’t going to last forever, though. When Mike crossed in front of a building and caught a glimpse of himself in the window’s reflection, he was hit with a hard dose of reality. “I just saw myself wiggling down the street on a pole with two
wheels at each end. I wasn’t going that much faster than the people who were walking, and I just looked way less sensible than everyone else on the street. I’m a twentyyear-old guy, and I’m riding a device that even a person with a Razor Scooter would call moronic. It was just like, what the fuck am I doing?” Jones has since visited a bike shop where he purchased a lime green Huffy for 75 cents.
N O W HIRIN W RITING | MARK
ETING | PROMO
G ! TIONS |
SALES
APPLY ONLINE AT
THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM 07
He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games than you could ever play.
Our Mobile App Is Your New Best Friend
for iPhone and ailable for iPhone and Android • Download for FREE today! Available
Android - Search Black Sheep Mobile • Download for FREE today! Avai
The Bar Grid TUESDAYS! $2 Double Wells $2 Any Pint $1 O-Bombs
SUNDAY! Watch the NFL Here! $15 Bud Light pitcher/pie special $6.50 pitcher refills, $3 24 oz. Bud/Bud Light cups $3 Jager Bombs, $3 Fireball
FRIDAY! Bruce Live in Piano Bar 9pm - 2am
Wednesday October 30th: Where Else Halloween Bash
THURS.
$1 O Bombs, $5 Double Jack Daniels, Jack Honey, & SoCo, $2.50 Long Islands, $2.50 Double Wells
Watch the NFL Here! Mini Pitchers! $4 Coors Light, $5 Blue Moon $4.25 Fishbowls, $1 shot (rotating shot), Free Hotdogs, Popcorn, and Peanuts!
Thirsty Thursdays! 8pm - 3am 2 DJs & Bruce
Wednesday October 30th: Where Else Halloween Bash
FRI.
$1 O-Bombs $3.25 Three Olives Vodka Mixers $5 Premium Flavored L.I.T’s $4 Double Wells
$3.75 Jim Beam $3.25 Bud/Bud Light 24 oz. drafts $4.25 Goose Island 24 oz. $3 Fireball Shots Free Hotdogs, Popcorn, and Peanuts!
Bruce Live in Piano Bar 9pm - 2am
After School Club! $6 32oz Long Islands & $4 32oz Wells til 11PM And DJ Powder!
SAT.
Open @ 7am on home football Saturdays! $1 O-Bombs, $5 Premium Flavored L.I.T’s, $3.25 Bacardi Mixers $4 Double Wells
College Football - Brex Club $3.75 Captain Morgan, $3.25 Miller/Coors 24 oz. Drafts, $4.25 Blue Moon 24 oz., $3 Jager Bombs Breakfast Club Specials: $2.25 Screwdrivers & Bloody Marys Free Hotdogs, Popcorn, and Peanuts!
Steady Saturdays w/ Steady B
$2.50 Well Drinks $2.75 Absolut & Bacardi $3.75 Redd’s Apple Ale
SUN.
$2 Double Well Mixers $3 U-Call-It Shots & Top Shelf Drinks
Watch the NFL Here! $15 Bud Light pitcher/pie special $6.50 pitcher refills, $3 24 oz. Bud/Bud Light cups $3 Jager Bombs, $3 Fireball
Check out your pics on our galleries @ neoncactus.biz
Sunday Funday! $15 to drink all day! Free Snacks and Redzone Open at 1 PM!
MON.
$1 Double Wells $3 Double Jack Daniels, Jack Honey, SoCo, $1.25 18oz Bud Light Btls 50¢ Rolling Rock Cans $3 U-Call-It Shots
Team Trivia @ 9:30 Watch the NFL Here! $1.50 Domestic Bottles, $2.50 16 oz. Bacardi cups, $2.50 Bomb Cup Menu
Join Mug Shots on Twitter @TheNeonCactus
$0.50 Wells Drinks $0.75 Bud, Miller, Coors $1.00 Redd’s & Corona
TUES.
$2 Double Wells $2 Any Pint $1 O-Bombs
Euchre @ 9pm - $1 Taco Tuesday! $2 Coors Bottles, $3 Import Bottles $5 Vodka Red Bulls, $2.50 Corona $5 Loaded Margarita (Coronitas) $2.50 Margaritas $1 Shot (rotating shot)
Best Line Country! Piano Man 8pm - 3am Check us out on Facebook! fb.com/NeonCactusCountry
#2sdays Big menu of $2 shots, rinks, & beers!
WED.
25¢ Wings (9pm- ‘til they’re gone!) Mild, Ass-Burner, Spicy Garlic & Hawaiian BBQ $1.25 Miller High Life Bottles, $1.50 Double Wells, $4 32oz B.F.D’s
Team Trivia @ 9:30 $2 Wells $4.75 Bud/ Bud Light Pitchers $3 Dirty Sanchez Shots
Get ready for the Weekend! Event List at fb.com/NeonCactusCountry
Wednesday October 30th: Where Else Halloween Bash
SPECIAL NIGHT
Rapper Turns the Tables on Police,
F Writes “F Da Fire Department” By: Black Sheep Staff With his new incendiary hit song, “F Da Fire Department,” rapper Dr. Dray-Bans has come out of retirement and shot to the top of the charts. The Black Sheep sat down with the doctor to get to the bottom of his divisive track. The Black Sheep: Thanks for talking with us, Doctor. First things first. We’ve gotta ask: Why now? Why come out of retirement after 25 years? Dr. Dray-Bans: I’ll tell you why. There’s an abusive government program that’s ruining our way of life. It’s about time that someone stood up to this monster once and for all. TBS: And what is this monster? Obamacare? DDB: Nah, man, it’s the fucking fire department. TBS: Really? Well, your new song has caused quite a bit of controversy. It’s not a very popular belief. Most people actually love everything about the fire department. DDB: They don’t know shit. TBS: At one point in the song you actually say, “Red devil riding through the town / Spraying poison all around / Tryna keep the doctor down.” This is pretty extreme. Why exactly are you mad at the fire department? DDB: I’m tired of the crap that the fire department gets away with. People always say “fuck da police,” but I’m not about that. I’ve only got beef with the fire brigade. Them and their dumbass hats and shit. TBS: What could you possibly have against the fire department? That’s like hating rainbows or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. DDB: First of all, they’re always riding around blasting that awful music, waking me up and shit. TBS: Are you talking about the sirens? DDB: Look man, I don’t know the names of any of those dubstep DJs, I just know that I don’t like it.
It’s not even music, it’s just random layers of noise. It sounds like a someone threw a damn baby in a blender. TBS: Well, it’s not music, it’s supposed to be ... nevermind. Is that the only reason for your hatred of firemen? DDB: Hell no. They’re the worst. TBS: Can you elaborate on that at all? DDB: They’re pointless, man. All the do is speed down the street whenever they want and be loud as hell. When I do that I get a ticket and a full body frisk. What’s up with that? TBS: Actually, in the U.S., only about 10 out of a million people die each year from fires and that’s down by 20% from the year 2000. So, they’re remarkably good at preventing and rescuing people from fires. DDB: But they’re always buttin’ in, you know? If my son starts a fire in the kitchen, there ain’t no need to give the whole house a shower; that’s a teachable moment. Maybe once he breathes in a dangerous amount of smoke, he’ll learn to stop putting silverware in the microwave. I don’t need Uncle Sam telling me how to raise my kids. TBS: It’s not really Uncle Sam; he’s not a real person—just a personification of the government. And really, the fire department isn’t bad... DDB: And what really pisses me off is that they’re always taking all the best parking spots in front of those little red, tree-stump lookin’ things. Just because they drive a fancy big red van they think they can save themselves a great spot in front of every store. I mean how many fire trucks are there in the world? Why do they get the only spots that are better than the handicap ones? My grandma only got one leg and she gotta walk further than one uh those red dudes. TBS: Yeah, we’re done here.
07
read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com
Friday, November 1st
madlib What was more shocking than
seeing ___1___ dressed up as a ___2___ ’s ___3___ , whatever that means, was waking up on a ___4___ -printed futon on ___5___ at my TA’s house. Or, even more shocking, that I started the night as a sexy ___6___ and ended the night in a neon ___7___ unitard, a half-empty box of ___8___ in one hand and a fifth of ___9___ in the other. Naturally, I got the hell out of there instantly. Upon stepping into the great outdoors, I was amazed by what was before my bloodshot eyes. A group of girls dressed as members of ___10___ , but a ___11___ 1: Your best friend 2: Era 3: Wild animal 4: Cartoon character 5: Popular party street
version, were twerking on the street, clearing still intoxicated. A block down I saw a ___12___ puking in a trash can, the poor freshman. And I almost stepped over a zombie ___13___. They looked so serene in their slumber, I couldn’t dare move them. I stopped into ___14___ and noticed a ___15___ chatting with a ___16___ , and they seemed like they were hitting it off. Walking towards my dorm, I bummed a cigarette from a ___17___ , but it ended up being a joint, which was fine with me. We started talking about ___18___ and how it’s totally
6: Condiment 7: Color 8: Cereal 9: Novelty liquor 10: Heavy metal band
11: Adorable animal 12: Famous TV show character 13: Very old celebrity 14: Local coffee shop
IF YOU DON’T START FOLLOWING US
WELL, YOU’LL JUST BE
MISSING OUT.
@BLACKSHEEP_PU HEY, STALK US ON FACEBOOK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT:
FB.COM/THEBLACKSHEEP99
related to global warming, even though now that I think about it, it doesn’t. When I got to my dorm, I was surprised to see my roommate making out with a ___19___. They asked me to join in and that’s when I knew they were on ___20___ still. I suggested we head to the cafeteria and they quickly obliged, commenting on how good I looked even though I clearly reeked of ___21___ and fried ___22___. As I entered the caf, I took in the sights of all my fellow sluggish, hungover peers and got the chills. I love Halloween.
15: Famous politican 16: Offensive historical figure 17: Overdone Halloween costume
18: Current event 19: Type of athlete 20: Party drug 21: Cheap booze 22: Vegetable
Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: Single Favorite Drink: Jameson Favorite Shot: Jameson Disgusting Drink: Jameson and Coke A child’s laughter makes you…: Sad What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?: Titanic How would you spend $1 million in pennies?: Hookers
Nathan of Jake’s Drinking Game
What is nature’s sexiest animal?: An elephant.
What’s the stupidest thing you’ve bought off the internet?: I buy baseball cards, but those are awesome. If you had to have a nickname that involved a piece of fruit, what would your nickname be?: “Applehead” What was the most embarrassing thing you did in grade school?: I peed my pants when I was giving a speech in the first grade, but everybody did that so it wasn’t that bad.
Recipe for disaster
Scary Movie Drinking
Halloween Candy Bark
One of the best parts of Halloween is the excellent selection of movies that we finally get to watch—like Hocus Pocus and Halloweentown—that would be weird to watch any other time of year. Disney classics aside, there will be plenty of horror and scary movies all over the airwaves, so grab a seat and play this game before the party gets hoppin’.
With the plethora of discounted candy this time of year, don’t try to tell us you haven’t run to the grocery store and stocked up. We’re all guilty of it. Here’s a recipe to mix all of your favorite chocolate pieces into one snack for an even bigger sugar rush.
What You’ll Need: Booze, a horror flick of your choice and a television. Number of Players: However many people can fit on the couch. Level of Intoxication: Varies via corniness and awesomeness of said horror flick. How to Play: Pop in the movie and take a swig for the following: - Eerie music, accompanied by strings and or piano, plays for intro credits. - A character is walking painfully slow. - When that dumb bitch who shouldn’t go down the stairs goes down the stairs. - When someone whispers “help me.” - When your favorite character dies. - When your favorite character ends up being the killer/murderer/brother of killer. - When there’s a mirror in the scene and it sets up for something scary as shit in the reflection but it ends up being like the towel rack in the background or something. - Boobs. - When a character being chased trips over their own feet as if they’re running for the first time ever. - Jennifer Love Hewitt. - When you realize the police department in your horror movie is completely and utterly useless. - When the movie ends with one more cheap “pop out” bit for good measure. The Game Ends When: The ending credits roll … or maybe it’s just time to put another DVD in and keep going.
download our free app for all the games!
What You’ll Need: 1 pound bittersweet chocolate chips, 3 regular-sized Butterfinger bars, 3 regular-sized Heath bars, 5 regular-sized Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, 1/2 cup honey roasted peanuts, 3 ounces of chocolate and M&Ms or Reese’s Pieces (or both!) Cook Time: About an hour and a half. Fatty Factor: Just a few cavities, that’s all. Let’s Get Baked: - Chop up the Butterfinger and Heath bars into small bites. - Cut up the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups into quarters. - Melt the bittersweet chocolate chips in a saucepan over the stove or in the microwave and stir until smooth. Watch them closely and increase heat in small increments so the chocolate doesn’t burn. - Spread the melted chocolate onto parchment paper on a pan, leaving it about 1/4 inch thick. - Scatter the chopped pieces of candy and peanuts over the melted chocolate. - Melt the white chocolate and drizzle it over the chocolate bark. - Sprinkle the M&Ms or Reese’s Pieces on top of everything. - Let the bark cool in the fridge for 1 hour before breaking it up into pieces and chowing down. And you thought candy couldn’t get any better…
nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com
The Black Sheep Interviews
Steve-O
“I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.”
By: Tim Mackey The Black Sheep recently caught up with Steve-O on his national standup tour. Channeling our eighth-grade selves jumping off garages and lighting tennis balls on fire, we asked him every question we could possibly think of while holding back the strange urge to have him smash something over our crotch. He’s reinvigorated and risen from the ashes, so make sure to check out his new Youtube channel and follow him on Twitter, @SteveO.
The Black Sheep: How’d you originally end up working with the guys from Jackass? Steve-O: There was a skateboarding magazine back in the day called Big Brother, which was little more than a bad influence on kids. I loved it; it was really just the greatest magazine ever. I was in the magazine and the videos. The guy in charge of the operation reached out to Spike Jonze at one point and said “Hey man, everybody loves our videos, but no one cares about the skateboarding. I think if we subtract all of the skateboarding then what’s leftover would be a great TV show.” And when you took out the skateboarding, what you had left was me and Knoxville, and Wee Man, and Chris Pontius — and Bam was making a similar kind of video on the east coast — so we kinda merged camps, the Big Brother guys and the CKY guys and that was sort of how we all came together. TBS: For Jackass 3D you were completely sober. Is there a stunt from the past that you couldn’t have done sober? S: I should say I don’t know if I ever did stunts because I was wasted. I think I’ve always done stunts because I’m an attention whore. Getting sober hasn’t really changed that at all. But there was some particularly reckless stuff, one that comes to mind was being strangled unconscious six times in a row. TBS: By who? S: Ryan Dunn did that. We were on tour in England back in 2003, and Ryan Dunn choked me out six times in a row. Yeah, it was all on camera if you just go on Youtube and type “Steve-O Chokes” you can find it. Another one was on a three-day bender when I jumped out of an airplane with no parachute into the ocean. That one wasn’t so easy.
TBS: How do you feel about having popularized the national phenomenon of butt-chugging? S: Oh man, that is… I am incredibly honored for that. It’s incredible. Knoxville sent me this video about a press conference. There were some college frat kids butt-chugging and there was some kind of outrage about it. It was the funniest fucking thing ever. I think they even called it “buttchugging,” I’m pretty sure I coined that term itself. TBS: You’re known as one of the guys who does the most intense stunts, but which member of the Jackass crew grew the most in their willingness to do horrible things to their body over time? S: I don’t know, man. We all seem to have our different strengths, it’s kind of a “apples and oranges” question. Whenever no one is willing to do something at all, then the idea trickles down to Danger Ehren. He would be at the top of the pile when it comes to willingness, that’s kinda due to his exceptionally low IQ. TBS: In Wildboyz you got a hotdog whipped from your butt with a bull whip and got your ass stung multiple times by an African emperor scorpion, with that in mind, what is the most painful stunt you’ve done? S: Oh god, I hate that question. It’s all just so subjective, man. Pain just has different criteria, the duration of the pain is an issue. While electrocution hurts more than other stuff, it’s quicker. I hate that question.
TBS: Which Jackass team member is most willing to take blows to the nuts? S: I don’t know that any of us are really psyched about it… We each have our own separate strengths when it comes to doing stupid things. But I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots. TBS: Is there anyone that won’t ever do them? S: No, we all do them, but we have considerable… I don’t want to say reluctance because we all do it. I mean we all do it, but we dread it.
TBS: Looking at Johnny Knoxville, he seems to have aged more in the last 10 years than most people age in 30. How do you think you’ve managed to stay young-looking? S: (Laughs) Wow, I’ll take that as a compliment. I feel like I’ve aged pretty heavily as well, but if I guess if I were to agree with you then I’d have to blame that on healthy living. I quit smoking cigarettes and stopped doing drugs and drinking alcohol and I became a vegan. I exercise and stuff, surfing’s a big one. TBS: How many years until Johnny looks like Irving Zisman? S: I don’t know man, (laughs) I don’t know.
something to do? S: I, uh, Dancing with the Stars I really did enjoy a lot, Killer Karaoke had its moments. I, uh… but yeah neither of those two were my favorite. TBS: Either in your career or not, what was the best moment in your life so far? S: I’m so jazzed about my new Youtube channel. I would say that the Youtube channel is the exact opposite of Dancing with the Stars and Killer Karaoke. I get to do what I think is fucking awesome and it’s such a treat and a joy. TBS: How long did it take you to heal from the mighty fist of Mike Tyson? S: Eh, pretty quick. I had two black eyes for a while there. I didn’t notice how long it took my nose to heal because this weird kung fu instructor guy set it straight right after it happened. I’d say like three weeks I was in pretty good shape.
TBS: A lot of the guys, if they were afraid of snakes or spiders, then that’s the stunt they would do. What was your ‘phobia’? S: I hate roller coasters, which is why I was the perfect candidate for the poo potty. I mean I hate snakes too, I really do, but uh I don’t know if... Yeah like that one thing, I mean certainly rollercoasters are a big thing.
TBS: Did you like being on Dancing with the Stars and hosting Killer Karaoke? Or was it just
TBS: I’m telling readers to subscribe immediately to your blog because it’s honestly awesome. What can they expect to see you do on it in the future? S: I don’t know, I don’t want to give up any ideas, but I’m finishing up a lie detector bit. I don’t even know how it’s gonna come out. I got Knoxville to come up a list of hilarious and uncomfortable questions for me to answer while attached to a lie detector test. I don’t know what the questions are, but I imagine they’re gonna be pretty fucking terrible. TBS: What can people expect to see on your tour this year? S: It’s filthy comedy and silly physical tricks. I think what makes my comedy unique and worthwhile is A: I’m absolutely shameless. And B: I’m rigorously honest. So if I tell a story you can damn well believe that it happened. And just judging by how shameless I am you can expect the stories to be incredibly juicy and revealing. You know I’ve been doing stand up for a long time and I’m really finding my voice and that’s exciting. People are really coming out and enjoying the show and that means a lot to me.
TBS: Is it that falling feeling? S: It’s more like not being in control, like I can jump off of shit pretty easily. It’s like with bungee jumping when I’m looking off a bridge, I spent my life kinda jumping off of stuff so much, so I know heights pretty well. I don’t care what’s tied to me, when I look off something that’s 300 feet high, I usually know not to jump so it’s hard to get past that instinct. I mean I had no problem jumping off the tower of London, which is like the tallest thing I’ve ever jumped off of. TBS: You’ve been sober now for five and a half years, no drugs, no alcohol, nothing. So what’s you’re favorite drug to not do? S: I mean… I don’t know how to answer that. I uh… I mean the reality is that if I pick up any drink or drug in short order I’ll be on everything again. I have no delusions about that. I love the saying you know “the alcohol bones connected to the weed bone, the weed bone’s connected to the cocaine bone” and so on…
TBS: You got a tattoo in January of Santa Claus crucified on your arm. Do you have a favorite tattoo? S: I like ShitFuck on my knuckles. I really do. Really because I’m quite proud of having carved out a place in my life that having profanities tattooed on my knuckles doesn’t hold me back. I’ve had ‘em… It’s been about exactly 10 years since I got ShitFuck tattooed on my hands.
TBS: Your giant back tattoo, what was the situation where that was done? Did you wake up and it was there or what? S: We were preparing to shoot the first Jackass movie and Jeff Tremaine said “Hey, don’t waste our time with any half-assed ideas because now this isn’t a TV show anymore, it’s a movie.” And I kinda took offense to the notion that I would suggest any half-assed ideas. So my immediate response to him was “Oh yeah, how about if I get me tattooed on me, larger than me?” My face on my back is way bigger than my face.
TBS: Anything else we should know? S: At the end of every one of my shows, when I walk off stage I never do anything or go anywhere until I take a photo with anyone who wants one, and lots of times people have things they want to ask me or show me. And everybody gets a chance to do that. I stick around until the bitter end, ‘til everyone who wants one gets a photo. I don’t really know of anybody who does that. And it proves to me to be a lot harder of a job to do that than the show itself. I stay committed to that though, because I want to make it a special experience for the fans who are committed to that. Make sure to read the extended interview online at theblacksheeponline.com!
HALLOWEEN bingo
wordsearch
“sexy” costumes
Ursula Catwoman Paratrooper Ninja Dalmation
Cruella Santa Baby Zebra Warrior Elf Jester
Rapunzel Unicorn Corn Stalk Sulley Uncle Sam
Raver Garden Gnome Flapper Medieval Hula Girl
answer key
BAR SPECIALS ON YOUR PHONE. Download
THE BLACK SHEEP MOBILE APP
YEAH!
SCAN FOR THE iPHONE APP SCAN FOR THE ANDROID APP
Or Search Black Sheep Mobile